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Preview of "Water, Grass and Fire"

November 17th, 1992

Deep in the Viridian Forest, the whole of it nearly covered in thick green vines, was an ancient temple. Forty-six stone columns supported a marvellous carved stone picture which ran around the top of the building. The stone picture showed many Legendary Pokemon.

Inside the temple, three strange humans were in the middle of a deep and meaningful conversation. Acacia, the only woman of the three, stood at five foot seven inches and weighed fifty-five point four five kilograms. She had long icy blue hair; it glistened occasionally and gave her the appearance she had shards of ice in it. Her ruby red eyes were narrowed in concentration as she spoke with her companions, Zenas and Matthew. Acacia's fair skin was very frigid and, if touched, would give the victim extreme freezer burn. Acacia is twenty-four years of age.

Zenas was lounging around on a stone table at the back of the temple. A year older than Acacia, Zenas had seemingly sinister black eyes, spiky yellow hair and, like Acacia, he also has fair skin. He is shorter than Acacia by four inches and he weighs fifty-two point seven two kilograms. Touching Zenas's skin is like constantly being a victim of static electricity, only the voltage is much, much higher.

Matthew was kneeling on the floor, brushing his hand over a carving of an ancient Pokemon, one that time had long forgotten. He was twenty-three years of age, his hair was reddish-orange in colour and his eyes were brownish-black. Matthew's weight was sixty kilograms and he towered over Acacia and Zenas, with his height being six foot seven inches. His skin was fair, like that of his companions, but was impossible to touch as it was as hot as a raging inferno.
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
Forty-six stone columns supported a marvellous carved stone picture which ran around the top of the building. The stone picture showed many Legendary Pokemon.

Eh, the imagery wasn't the greatest. I imagened the stone pillars alright. But with how you described it, I saw picture sized stone carvings dotting a house like roof randomly.

And how were they carved? Were they like the mew in the ancient mew tcg card? Were they like what were on Bill's door? What

Inside the temple, three strange humans were in the middle of a deep and meaningful conversation. Acacia, the only woman of the three, stood at five foot seven inches and weighed fifty-five point four five kilograms.

We don't need to know their wieght, and how are they strange? And also back to the wieght, that knowledge could be brought in at a better point in time.

Acacia's fair skin was very frigid and, if touched, would give the victim extreme freezer burn.

... It's not freezer burn. It's Frost. Bite. Study why doncha. >> sheesh. Freezer burn is what happens when you leave food in a freezer too long, it dehydrates. Well, Frost bite is like that too, but it happens instantly, turns your hands or anything exposed blue then to black, like being burned, only frozen. Anyways, it's not freezer burn -_-

Touching Zenas's skin is like constantly being a victim of static electricity, only the voltage is much, much higher.

Remember it's Amp's that kill. And I think what you mean is like those magic zapping balls, not just simple static electricity.

His skin was fair, like that of his companions, but was impossible to touch as it was as hot as a raging inferno.

Sooo ... he melts stuff.

I think you should do some more math about their 'touch skin and get frozen, fried and cookied' as if it does it if people touch, it should also do it to the enviroment. Otherwise, it's just sorta retarded to have it just if they are touched cause then their clothes, the stone, their whole enviroment which touches/they interact with, remains the same/unaffected, it's just ... wtf.

And you don't have to give their exact ages. appeared to be in her/his early twenties is good enough than listing off their exact ages[/i] when I bet they aren't that young.

It's still very, very short. There's not much there, but it is good to see FINALLY you are FINALLY listening and taking advice.

:/ lets just hope it isn't just an illusion.
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
It's a preview. Previews are meant to be short, are they not?

.... it depends, but your preview really shows nothing to your story, or shows anything interesting. All it is, is an ancient structure in a poorly described forest, with three random people with skin that freeze, fry and burn, investigating it.

It comes off as a bad preview, not a good one :/ so don't use 'previews can be short' as an excuse.
 

The Doctor

Absolute Beginner
What the... Ya know, for a second there, I thought you were using my fic there for a second. Hahahaha...ha...ha.

Seriously, comparisons can be found. The title (Water, Grass and Fire vs. Fire, Rain and Leaf), the date (1992) and the setting (Viridian Forest). I won't be jumping to any rash conclusions but all the same...

Doctor's watching you.
 

Chaotic Pink

Let the zephyr blow.
Previews usually contrain a brief summary or an extract so can be any length really.

The imagery you created wasn't too strong, add more description by using similes and metaphors and such!
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
add more description by using similes and metaphors and such!

...

If you mean Smilies. Get out of the fanfic forum now.Smilies are not welcomed in lue of description in either the RPG forum or the Fanfic forum. This is not fanart or a comic. You can not tell the story with little smilies or metaphors. You have to describe the characters, the setting and emotion. God.
 

Dilasc

Boip!
He said similies as in a similie, which he spelled wrong, as its actual spelling is simile. Similes are very different than smilies, and are accepted and usually welcomed in compared to smilies.

A simile means to describe something by comparing it to something else, basically.
 

Chaotic Pink

Let the zephyr blow.
If you mean Smilies. Get out of the fanfic forum now.Smilies are not welcomed in lue of description in either the RPG forum or the Fanfic forum. This is not fanart or a comic. You can not tell the story with little smilies or metaphors. You have to describe the characters, the setting and emotion. God.

No, I do not mean smilies I mean similies, i.e: She ate like a pig. Yes, I also know you cannot describe a fic with metaphors and similies alone :)
 
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