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Project Legends V2 Discussion Thread

Rotom310

As seen in pokedexes
Arrogant Kind Moltres. I would not like to be switched. And one of my Character's powers was reviled I I think you should switch Calin. (Not to be rude or anything but that's the coolest thing for me.) I can't switch it after I worked so hard on it.


@Muffin I thought it would be cool. Plus you couldn't figure out who was in the plane? Think about it. Were in Kanto here. Hint* Team. Bad. Stealing Pokemon, Cruel. (Maybe I should had made that more clear. Eh. It's Probably okay for now.)

part 1) To be fair Titan DID have Moltres first, so I say he should be the one to decide whether he'll switch or not. (Not like it matters but I like the cruel Moltres better)

oh and *revealed

part 2) YeahNO. It is most definitely NOT ok since it has next to nothing to do productivity-wise and makes NO sense. Plus there are tons of stuff that is illogical, as I will shortly point out.

POST 1

Jago rushed out of his house. He was already late to pick up Lakayla's pokemon from the day care. When he got there the worker there wasn't that angry. He payed them and grabbed her Squirtle. He got to Lakayla's house and gave Squirtle to her. Then he ran home at top speed. Face red with blush.

First issue is there is zero description. Based on what we read we can imagine Jago as a purple sandwich monster from the moon, provided we imagine this sandwich monster a male. Plus this is frankly not needed at all considering it does nothing to help build up the story. A word of advice: if it sounds out of place and sounds like it might not be needed; it probably isn't.

Second is that there is an incomplete sentence fragment lying there, which is very very very poor grammar. I notice that you do this a lot instead of just using a comma. (This is why for my own amusment at the end of each of your posts I will tally how many fragments there are vs. how many commas. :3)

"Why are you so tired? It looks as if you g
ot smacked with that red. Or was it a girl?" His mother had asked him. "No mom! I was just going for a little jog!" Jago fibbed. Then he went up to his room and plumped down on his bed.

Bad formatting aside, the trend of bad description and errors continue. First, thing I notice (other than the fact you seperated the word "got" between two different lines) is that you didn't start a new paragraph when changing who speaks. Just in correcting two things that becomes this, which while far from perfect is much better and easier to read and comprehend:

"Why are you so tired? It looks as if you got smacked with that red. Or was it a girl?" His mother had asked him.

"No mom! I was just going for a little jog!" Jago fibbed. Then he went up to his room and plumped down on his bed.

See?

"Gee that was really close! I almost was going to get "The Girl" Lecture!"
Jago took a nap up there but was rudely awakened.

This reminds me of a quote from Titan!

OOC: How does Shiny do this again? Oh yeah, like this.

WELCOME TO PROJECT LEGENDS. THIS IS PG-13, PLEASE LEAVE YOUR GODDAMNED DEPRAVITIES AT THE DOOR!

Keep that in mind in the future.

(Oh and more bad formatting)

'Grow! Grow! Lithe!" Hachiko's pokeball had opened. He was licking Jago's face. Then Jago got up and fed everybody. Including play time.

Second verse same as the first~ (more like fourth...)

Pretty much everything I've said before applies to this part as well.

Then he saw through his window Apple grazing in her field. He went out there but she raced towards him in a flash of fire. Jago laughed. "Don't burn my clothes off!' She nuzzled him and then the sky got really dark. "Apple... Get you and the others inside." She went away and did what he said.

How cliché. Ominous sky getting dark with little explination.
icon_rolleyes.gif


Then a purple and black ship went over the sky. Claws were coming down and taking Pokemon. Jago ran towards the ship. Then he grabbed out Blaze. "Blaze use a flame thrower on that ship!" He did aim at the ship and it's window smashed open. Out of the ship flew two strange Pokemon. One was Unfeazent and the other was Staraptor. Jago engaged in battle.

Blaze is like a Charmander right? Without any description I would've have had a clue had I not read the profile day or two ago.

This is the first part that reeks of illogicacy, though not near as much as any other part. Main point: why would fire SMASH a window? Does not compute.

Fragments: 2
Commas: 0

POST 2

"Staraptor!!!" It soared down and tried to grab Blaze. Blaze used Flame Charge on it. It soared lower and grabbed someone. The old lady screamed as she was lifted up. "Blaze! Incinerate Attack! He did as he was told. Staraptor fell from the sky into the grass limp. Then it turned red and was in a Pokeball up in the ship.

Da fuk. How does an INCINERATE knock out a fully-evolved, definitely-stronger-than-an-eleven-year-old's Charmander, Staraptor?

Unfeazent walked after it came down and looked Blaze in the eye. They started to battle. But it was too strong for little Blaze. He bounced out of the ring at Jago's feet. He returned it to it's Pokeball. if only I knew what this thing's true power was. Jago thought to himself. "Embir go!" Out popped the feisty Vulpix. It smacked Unfeazent hard with it's tails. Unfeazent got angry. Hey Bird Brain. I'll show you my full power if you show me yours. Embir said in his language. It'll be a pleasure to see you faint by me. Not a chance. Embir snickered. "Embir hit him with your best attacks! Don't stop and give it your all!" Jago encouraged.

This, had it been elaborated a bit more on, would have been the most well-written part of any of the posts.

For example, with little thought here is the same relative paragraph written differently:

Quick as a whip the Unfeazent stalked up to the Charmander, locking eyes with it.

Then they started to battle.

Unfortunately for the salamander the Unfeazent proved much too strong. He soon bounced out of the ring, landing at Jago's feet. He was promptly returned to its Pokeball, earning a nice rest. Oh if only I knew what this thing's true power was, Jago thought to himself as he recalled the lizard. Glaring at the phesant Jago pulled out another Pokéball and tossed it into the fray. "Embir go!"

Out on the ground popped a feisty little Vulpix. Before the bird could even comprehend its attacker, the fox smacked the Unfeazent hard with its tails, infurriating it. Hey Bird Brain. I'll show you my full power if you show me yours. Embir taunted in the Pokémon language.

It'll be a pleasure to see you faint by me, the bird replied, its words dripping with venom.

Not a chance. Embir snickered.

"Embir hit him with your best attacks! Don't stop and give it your all!" Jago encouraged from the sidelines.

Now which sounds and looks better? Barely took me more than a few minutes too.

Meanwhile, As the battle rolled on the Ship was creaking side to side. "Sir the systems are down!" "Try to get it repaired!" "Sir that'll be more than a day!" "Ergh... Damn it!" Then a young lady spoke, "Sir navigation is failing!" Suddenly out of no where an explosion rocked the ship. Then one of the turbines went to flame and caught to the wing. The glass shattered and two people were sucked out. "Everyone brace for impact!" Then the ship gave out. It was slowly crashing down to Viridian City. Flames growing.

...How the hell did the ship get hurt? Out of nowhere, that did come.

Oh and more bad grammar and formatting.

Fragments: 2
Commas: 2

POST 3

Panic was all over the whole city. Jago could barely tell where anyone was. Suddenly a man and a woman came rushing to him. "Kid get out of here before you get killed!" Jago looked up in the sky. Then snickered. "I'll be fine. For now just get out of here."

Not even going to ask about the weird paragraph spacing.

More illogic. If I were a man seeing a little kid in a panicing city I'd grab them and drag them out, regardless of knowing them or not. Only an idiot would instead listen to a kid who thinks he can save the world like who says to leave him because he'll be fine.

Pokemon that were kidnapped were getting out of the ship and trying to attack it. Jago ran to the Pokemart took all of the Pokeballs inside the store. Then he through lots into the air. Pokemon by the dozen were going into their Pokeballs. Until the very last one. But the ship was getting closer by the second. He pulled out his phone. "Lakayla! Help me and bring Mateo!"

Ignoring the fact that in any canon it is never mentioned (to my knowledge) that Pokémon can just go into any old Pokéball they want like this... actually that was just the main problem with this paragraph not counting anything I've mentioned before.

They were there faster than ever. Okay guys they lined up just right, "Grass! Water! And fire! Control!" Suddenly it was in a Tri Cannon. It shot right at the ship. The razor leaves shot through the ship slicing it to bits. The water was putting out the water with the biggest Hydro Cannon ever. And the fire was pushing the ship up from the city. Cheers arose. Then the power's merged again and everything was shaking. Then the ship shook like an Earthquake and blew up. Sparks and smoke and pieces of the ship were seen in the Explosion. Lakayla, Jago, And Mateo were all pushed to the ground by all the wind.

I don't know what's more hilarious: the fact you actually wrote that or the fact you went and posted it.
icon_lol.gif


Assuming the Pokémon used were Charmander, Squirtle, and Bulbasaur (since you never bothered to say), this makes even less sense. First of all none of them can learn the elemental Hyper Beams, meaning a Hydro Cannon is impossible and leaving zero chance those three could actually successfully BLAST a ship away.

Also I find it amazing how those two people can make it through a panic-filled city near instantaneously when Jago called them.

Then it was raining down strange things. The wind had stopped and everyone was walking out again. Jago was hit hard in the head with a piece of the ship and a sphere. It rolled onto Jago's foot. It was a Pokeball. All the Pokeballs he bought with Pokemon inside them were raining down with the burning materials. Jago laughed and fell to the ground. He was so tired. He and his friends had saved the day from Certain Destruction. This day was called: Three Kid Tri Beam Rescue.

"...strange things..." Care to elaborate? How are they strange? The fuk are they even?

"...hit hard in the head..." If he's hit that hard he shouldn't be conscious. Or possibly even living.

"It was a Pokéball." Oh, so THAT's what raining down. Nice job putting it sentences away from what it is describing.

"*Rest of the paragraph*" Remember when I said it was cliché? I was totally right.

And this is the part I hate the most. And by part I mean the whole thing. Disregarding how cliché it is, you posted in three posts something that a) is 100% irrelevant, b) is badly written, and c) is something that, if it was even something that needed to be posted in the first place (which it wasn't), could've and should've been posted in just one post, not three different ones.

(btw) They were not using their powers all because they're not all legendary children. They used some of their Pokemon to help them.

what

If you have to say something in an OOC note at the bottom of the post clarifying something, you are probably doing it wrong. Especially when it was something that could've easily been explained IN the post itself with even just a little description.

Fragments: 5
Commas: 3

-- Totals --
Fragments: 9
Commas: 5


Welp that's pretty much it. As Mufin and Purple have pointed out before me Project Legends is the villain group, not Rocket, making your posts even more silly and unnecessary, and even more likely to be asked to be deleted and starting from scratch.

Anything I'm forgetting Mon/Titan?


Also: TL;DR on the posts - Not ok, not necessary, probably will need to be deleted depending on what Mon/Titan say.
 

MotherRussia

ERMAHGERD, MERGIKERP
You're so good at reviews I want one done on mine >_> I remember when I was like that in the last PL.. Except I had good writing. >_>
 

Titan500

Solar Panels
Team Rocket does not exist as an antagonistic group any more. Also, what are the authorities doing while a GIANT AIRSHIP O' DOOM is flying around?

Also, despite feeling not-so sueish in your sign-up, Jago feels rather sueish right now.

About whether to keep Calin or Jago ... Mon, you handle this.
 

Chili

Well-Known Member
Okay. So maybe I am bad at writing on the internet. But I am just trying to write and have fun. Rotom you don't have to be such a b*tch at times.
 

Titan500

Solar Panels
Oh yeah, another comment.

Welcome to Project Legends. This is PG-13, please leave your goddamned swearing at the door or in your RP posts.

Also, Mon, please give us a solution to the Moltres problem.
 

Floorman

Creeping On Le Floor
Alright...I have a question. Is it the GMs' jobs to play grunts, or would I be allowed to play the grunts interacting with Mateus?
 

Titan500

Solar Panels
Well, most of the grunt-playing is my jurisdiction. But what exactly do you need them to do?
 

Titan500

Solar Panels
Draw up a table of pros and cons of both characters, and then we can decide better.
 

Floorman

Creeping On Le Floor
It's hard for me to think of something to post that would make Mateus go anywhere and actually get involved, so I was thinking that a grunt or two could spur him into action.

As for deciding the child of Moltres, Maybe you could put it to a vote.
 

Titan500

Solar Panels
Good idea Floorman. But anyway, I'll get Mateus moving then. Grunts! ASSEMBLE!

EDIT: But make an introductory post first so I can get the grunts moving to your location.
 

Titan500

Solar Panels
Yes we are. The loser can change to another Legendary.
 

Floorman

Creeping On Le Floor
(I've already made one. Unless I need another.)

I vote for Calin as the true child of Moltres
 

Titan500

Solar Panels
Well I can't really double-post you know.
 

Chili

Well-Known Member
Can you vote for yourself? If so Chili as the true child of Moltres. And Um what if there isn't any other legendaries available? How will the loser switch?
 

Titan500

Solar Panels
Right now, Regice and Regigigas are available, so you could rewrite your character for that Legend.
 
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