Yep, the Cyndaquil is Ash's. And I don't really know how long it's been since their last meeting; the anime is pretty vague about how time passes. So I'll just say that it's been however long the gap was between Cyndaquil's capture and Paul's defeat at Ash's hands, and leave it at that.
Incidentally, I also despise Paul. I'm not sure what his fans see in him :/ If there's one thing consistent in these one-shots, it's that he's the same insufferable jerkass that he is in canon.
Also you guys I'm obliged to warn you that there is incest in this one. So if such things offend you, you might want to skip it.
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RubusShipping // Azelf & Mesprit // PG-13
"Azelf!" the ditzy pixie exclaimed abruptly. "I have amazing news! You and I are going to get naked!"
Her brother, who had been gazing at himself in the sparkly mirror, gave her a brief distracted glare. "Mesprit," he stated absentmindedly, "we're Pokemon."
She giggled, tossing her thick pink tresses out from beneath the pillow. "So?"
"So not only is that a nonsensical idea, but it's a ridiculous one as well. And yes, I understand that they're synonyms, it's a useful rhetorical tool in emphasizing that idea's attribute." He raised an eyebrow at his reflection experimentally, leaning in to examine his ridiculously handsome face. "I suggest you abandon it as soon as possible."
"But Aziiiiie, we could play games with costumes," she whined, teasing the covers of the enormous bed with her tiny fingers. "Like you could be the uber-Jedi person, and I could be that girl who has hair like Uxie's. Or maybe I could be that one person who kills vampires, and you could be a vampire, and we could fight for a reeeeeally long time until suddenly my character realizes I like you, and then you turn into a fairy and we fall in love and live happily ever after! And
then we could get naked."
He scoffed, tilting his pointed head to the left, then to the right, keeping an eye on how he appeared; it was important to look equally sexy from every angle. "No."
"But it'd be—"
"No."
She flinched ever so slightly. Satisfied that the God Voice had ended that particular line of discussion, Azelf struck a pose, placing his hands on his tiny hips as he smirked at his reflection.
Some people might have said that will was a stupid thing for a legendary to govern. What was the point, mortals often asked, if it wasn't going to be beautiful like Ho-oh's rainbows or terrifying like Darkrai's nightmares? Never mind that pretty colors in the sky affected nothing at all, or that several Pokemon had no need of sleep and couldn't be touched through such terror. It was like some kiddy TV show, really, thinking that massive explosions and colorful beams were the pinnacle of power. Stupid and juvenile, like Lugia's whole cupcake incident a while ago.
But to control someone's
will – the inner drive at their very core, as well as the more fleeting desires – to hold all of that in the palm of one's hand and shape it as one wanted … well, Azelf would take that over thunderstorms or volcanoes any day. After all, he could tell
anyone to do
anything, and it would be done. Speak in the God Voice, and listeners would obey.
None of the other legendaries had yet admitted that he was the most powerful of them all. That was fine with him. He didn't want to be the one to deal with millions of mortals' prayers, or be woken up from his nice naps to avert natural disasters that should have driven people to evacuate instead of just stupidly hanging around and hoping they wouldn't have to drive a whole five miles to get away from the tsunami or whatever. No, he preferred more lucrative ventures. Particularly his hobby of screwing anyone and everyone he wished to screw, regardless of how they would have felt about it if he hadn't used the God Voice to "convince" them.
And it was
awesome.
Satisfied that he looked as sexy as ever, Azelf psychically pulled his clipboard out of hammerspace and browsed through the many papers attached to it. His eyes skimmed the long list of species, searching for – there! Mesprit's name, right between Uxie and Dialga. He put a check mark next to her name, then flipped to the last page and put down another tally mark.
And that made two hundred and ninety-eight, he thought proudly, sending the To-Screw list back into hammerspace. Almost three hundred. Sometimes it seemed incredible that he had already slept with so many species. But afterwards, of course, he would quickly remind himself that of course he had – nobody could resist the winning combination of his sexiness and his God Voice.
"Well," he remarked after half an hour of gazing at his unbelievable handsomeness in the mirror, "you weren't that bad, Mesprit."
She giggled that annoying giggle she was always giggling at everyone. "Thanks! Can we play with costumes now?"
"Of course not," he scoffed, floating towards the bedroom door; to his annoyance, she was following just a few paces behind. "I have things to do today, after all. All over the world, actually. Plus the God Car needs some tuning up, and I have to be at the mechanic's at one this afternoon."
Her eyes lit up. "The God Car?" she squealed, spinning around in a miniature pink and blue tornado. "I love the God Car!"
"So do I," he agreed, "it's a pretty sexy ride."
"I love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love—"
"Stop gushing about the God Car!"
"… But I really do," she whined, gazing up at him with enormous, soulful puppy dog eyes.
"Everyone does," he said, rolling his eyes. "Now, I need to go. Thanks for the fun, sis."
And he hurried out the door, down twelve glittery pink staircases, and out through the huge bejeweled doors of Mesprit's mansion before she could tag along behind him.
The grounds around the mansion were pretty enough, with all the perfectly trimmed lawns, and colorful singing flowers in the gardens, and princesses holding hands and dancing around in a circle in their ridiculously elaborate and colorful dresses, and winged Rapidash with multicolored manes and tails galloping in herds along the rainbows stretching from here to the pretty pink mountains sparkling in the distance. It was all very well and good, if you could stomach it.
But that all paled in comparison to the God Car, sitting coolly on the lawn just in front of the mansion.
It was … just awesome. No words do justice to the God Car, which was so ridiculously cool that mortals would be compelled to tear their eyes out upon looking at it, for the sole reason that they knew they were extremely unworthy to look upon its awesomeness. By lucky coincidence, though, it was usually invisible to all mortals, which is fortunate since the author also happens to be mortal and needed a first-hand account from Azelf to hear about what the God Car looked like. It seems, however, that the God Car's awesomeness leaks out into even conversations about it, because about five words into Azelf's description struck such awe and wonder into the author that she nearly stabbed herself with her pen, because she just had to see the God Car for herself no matter what. She got better, but she was only lucky. There is little telling how many victims the God Car has claimed with its sheer awesomeness.
So for all intents and purposes concerning the audience, it was invisible.
Anyway, Azelf hopped into the indescribable God Car, leaned back in the driver's seat and closed his eyes in satisfaction. It had already been a good day, he decided. Here he was, the most powerful being in the world, sitting in the most awesome car in the world, sitting on the immaculate lawn of the most ridiculously over-the-top mansion in the world, and he was one step closer to having slept with every last Pokemon species in the world. Life definitely couldn't get any better than this …
He frowned.
"What," he said flatly, not opening his eyes, "
what do you think you're doing."
"Coming with you, of course!" a voice chimed happily. "It'll be fun!"
He shifted his head just enough to glare effectively at Mesprit, who had somehow gotten into the passenger seat without him initially realizing it. "No."
"But we never do anything!" she whined, folding her arms.
"… Because last night was completely uneventful," he retorted.
"That didn't count! You're just doing your hobby thingy, it doesn't really mean anything and it was probably kinda forgettable for you anyway. But we never do anything as brother and sister!" She made an astonishingly guilt-inducing pouty face. Nobody could pout like Mesprit. "Can't we just hang out like we used to? That was so much fun, just driving around in the God Car and laughing at Lugia's cupcake thing and having fun!"
He opened his mouth, ready to give her a big, resounding
no in reply …
But he couldn't do it.
Somehow, staring into her heavy-lidded puppy dog eyes, he couldn't bring himself to shut down her desire to have fun together. Guilt and sadness and longing suddenly flooded over him, and a lump automatically filled his throat. He tried to swallow it, but it simply wouldn't give.
"S-stop doing that," he managed to choke out, eyes streaming.
Mesprit blinked innocently. "Doing what?"
"D-doing that weird … emotion b-bomb thing." He put a hand to this throat, demanded the lump to leave with a forceful thought, and gasped for air for a few moments. "I …" he wheezed, glaring at her sorrowfully. "I h-hate it! Why do you always toy with m-me like this?"
"I only just started," she pouted. "And anyway, you did it first, telling me to love you with your God Voice, so it's only fair I get back somehow … not that I minded you did that in the first place," she admitted, giggling. "I just want to have fun, Azzie, is that so wrong?"
"Okay!" he rasped, feeling his heart about to break. "Okay, p-please, s-stop, I'll take you for a drive! Let go …"
She smiled at him, and suddenly everything was right again. Too right. He suppressed a shiver, knowing she was probably still playing with his emotions, albeit far less painfully than before. It was tolerable, though, and he spent only a moment getting a grip on himself before turning the key in the ignition.
"That was kind of your fault, you know," she remarked, her eyes twinkling as she watched him pull the God Car forwards, hood angling towards the sky.
"You just told me that." He shifted gears, allowing the God Car to float up more quickly.
"Besides that," she amended. "You had feelings for me, Azzie, I just built on them. I can't whip up emotions from nowhere, can I?"
"… That's irrelevant."
"You like me," she teased, poking him in the side. "Azzie likes me, Azzie liiiiiiikes—"
"Mesprit—!"
This time, when he abruptly paused, it wasn't because of her and her emotion powers, which he now had to admit were pretty close to his own in potency. Not equal, of course. His were sexier. But hers … hers were subtler, less forceful. He wondered briefly whether she might have been manipulating him from the start, but he couldn't muster up the indignant paranoia to care.
No, this time he paused because of that bump the God Car had passed over.
"Azzie!" Mesprit exclaimed, pointing out the window at something behind the God Car. "Aren't you going to tell that Swanna you're sorry?"
"Sorry I ran over your neck, Swanna."
"Good. Time for fun times!" She laughed, slipping an arm over his shoulders. "I've missed being with you, Azzie."
"I … guess I missed being with you too." The words were painful, but somehow a relief. He wasn't sure why.
"And the God Car."
"And the God Car," he repeated distractedly, as a small smile made its way onto his face.
His eyes roamed the brilliant sky ahead of him, filled with puffy white clouds and rainbows. The most awesome being in the world, patting the head of the most annoying sister in the world as she snuggled up to him as close as the gearshift would allow, with the earth beneath seeming to shine in the sunlight …
His earlier self stood corrected.
Now life couldn't get any better than this.
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Coming up next: LunarEclipseShipping.