Project Valentine (Multishippings, G-PG13)

[SugarPesticide]

Is it weird that this is one of my favorites?

*​

ShroudedShipping // Kate & Darkrai // PG-13

The sky looked … painted. Kate frowned at this observation, shielding her eyes with a trembling hand as she squinted upwards. It was a beautiful blue, regardless of the vast patches of clouds obscuring it. And yet it had lost its depth somehow – no longer did it carry the suggestion of infinity. Even the sunlight shining weakly through the clouds was looking oddly close. Perhaps it was a trick of the light.

Bringing her gaze down, she blinked in surprise to find herself in the Ranger School cafeteria. She stood at the center of the teachers' table, looking over the large room with confusion. Where there should have been several long tables stretched a single spiral-shaped one, twisting so sharply on itself that it was impossible to tell where it began and ended. Streamers sagged from the ceiling and thick carpet coated the floor, transforming the room into a place of true celebration.

Kellyn stepped out of nowhere, blue eyes fixated upon her as he handed her something on a plate. "The first slice is for you," he said. His voice was quiet, yet somehow still audible over the growing rumble of the thousands seated at the great spiral.

It was a chunk of something unidentifiable, though its dark purple color and bumpy texture reminded her of a Drapion. She picked at it with her fingers, bringing up a morsel of it and letting it slide into her mouth. She bit into it, chewing thoughtfully. It tasted salty.

She looked over again at Kellyn; but he had become Keith, smirking at her as juggled twitching hands. "A little helpful, is this true?" he laughed, and bright blue eyes sparkled as the crowd roared behind him roared its approval.

Something moved at the corner of her vision. Still nibbling at her food, she watched a solid-looking wall dissolve into a swarm of Beautifly, fluttering about on jagged wings that twisted like lightning bolts. Somebody seated at the spiral stood up, opening his thin mouth wide, wide, wide, so that his cheeks ballooned to the size of his own body and his jaw dislocated with a wet crack. He swallowed one of the butterflies whole, and after a brief moment his back exploded noisily into chunks of gore and shards of bone as a pair of those wings burst out, flapping so hard that the air around them whistled.

"Watch them dance." Keith was now Rhythmi, her mouth twisting into a grin beneath blue eyes. They floated within water, brilliantly lit by some unseen source. Yet the surface lay miles above them, if it existed at all. Around them twisted the members of the crowd, or perhaps their bodies. It was difficult to tell.

Somehow managing to swallow the rest of her food, Kate pushed herself upwards with suddenly heavy arms, growing lightheaded from the pressure. Water poured into her nose and mouth and eyes and ears, turning everything hazy and shimmering and distant. Dark shapes slid across her vision, briefly taking form before dissolving into meaninglessness like clouds. Instinct caused her to panic, and yet she found herself shivering in delight, wrapped within the tight blanket of water.

Hot breath tickled her ears as two voices murmured into them. "There is always more, of course."

She took a deep, shuddering breath, and suddenly it was a real blanket, warming her back as she sank into the mattress beneath it. Two bodies were pressing down on her, blue eyes glinting hungrily as they hooked their legs around hers to pull them apart and stroked her sides and kissed her neck and tickled her thighs and she dimly realized that her shirt and jeans were gone but that didn't matter, not with the ecstasy flooding through her body and making her tremble in anticipation.

The two became four, all strong young men who surrounded her and wrapped her in their muscular arms, and then eight, twenty, a hundred of them, crushing the breath out of her with their sheer weight, their forms just barely defined but so clearly felt against her own slender body, which was nothing here and yet everything at the same time.

Then there was one, but what a powerful one he was, for his presence was even greater than that of the hundred; his tattered cloak floated on their own accord, blotting out everything above them, and she could only stare up into his searching, rapacious, cold blue eyes.

"Is this to your liking?"

"Yes," she whispered, so softly that it melted into her breath and became inaudible beneath her pounding heart.

"You will stay."

"Yes."

"You will be mine."

"Yes."

"Only one may be the master."

"Yes."

"Tell me which of us is the master."

She simply gazed up at him, her body trembling eagerly beneath his.

"Tell me," he repeated, grasping her shoulders.

"You are!" she blurted, excitement shocking her with his touch. "You are, you are!"

His body radiated satisfaction, and as they drew together the world around them burst into bleeding flowers and dripping swords as a million voices screamed in a terrible joy.

*​

In the waking world, Altru Tower shook with the triumphant laughter of a madman.

*​

Coming up next: SteadfastShipping.

 

[SugarPesticide]

Is this one #100 in this series? Why yes, yes it is. Thank you all for reading this far! Here's to doubling that number.

*​

SteadfastShipping // Gallade & Ninetales // PG-13

"Hear my words, fellow shiny citizens!" boomed the black Rayquaza. She peered over the vast horde of special Pokemon, a massive group that stretched across almost the entirety of Follywood. "We have all gathered here today to celebrate our superiority over those ridiculous 'normally colored' Pokemon. For years now we have been a staple in Pokemon fanfiction, and our numbers only soar as new writers flock to build their own studios. Today, at long last, I present to you a haven that's all our own! Behold, the majestic face of Club Starshine!"

She gestured to the massive sparkly building behind her, eliciting a proper amount of "ooh"s and "ah"s from the audience. A few of the Pokemon seemed to snort dismissively instead, but she pretended to ignore them. They were quite replaceable; their authors could always whip up a clone of the shiny, and at any rate she hadn't eaten in about a week or so. Nobody would miss the puny little mortals anyway … No! Stay focused. You're not in a fic right now. Be normal.

"Yes!" she continued, stretching up to her impressive full height. "At last we shall have true recognition! And now, without further ado, Club Starshine is now open!"

Saying such, Rayquaza (Ruler of the Skies, Queen of Dragons, Guardian of Heaven, Holder of the Scales, She Who Teaches Fear to the Foolish and Justice to the Wicked) leaned down and carefully snipped the ribbon with a tiny pair of scissors.

Everyone cheered, as if cutting a ribbon were a task worthy of being an Olympic event.

"Now form a line," Rayquaza ordered, though this was clearly being ignored by the now swarming mob, "and allow my good knight to check you in."

A blue Gallade at her side, who had been standing there professionally up until now, gave a start. "Wait, what?"

"You heard me, Chevalree." She lowered her voice slightly, although considering the raucous excitement of the shiny crowd, she needn't have bothered. "It is vital that nothing goes wrong today. If the slightest mishap happens, the slightest mishap, then when the veteran writers get wind of it they'll storm up here to shut this place down before you can say 'Chosen One'. Anything so minor as a normal-colored 'guest' slipping in can and will be labeled a disaster. Do I make myself clear?"

"Er … crystal clear, my queen."

"Good." She nodded curtly, lifted off of the ground in a whirl of scaly coils, and swooped off into Club Starshine, most likely to bother the cooks and such who were even now preparing for the massive mob.

Sighing to himself, Sir Chevalree produced a clipboard and pen seemingly out of nowhere. "Sign your name and species here, good sir," he requested of the closest shiny.

"Ex-cah-use me?" snapped the green Mewtwo, looking down at him over her nose and under her hot pink sunglasses. "Does this hot bod look like a ripped dude's mass of manly muscles, dipwit? Or are you just gay or something? Arceus, you're so retarded."

"My apologies," said Sir Chevalree, though as the Mewtwo signed her name he couldn't help but wonder what sort of writer could possibly think a character like this was a good idea.

"Like, just whatever," the Mewtwo sneered. She stuck her nose into the air and sashayed towards the club, swinging her hips in such a fashion that several onlookers vomited.

A silver Ninetales standing nearby, however, was smirking after the green legendary. Sir Chevalree caught her eye; noticing his questioning look, she explained her mirth. "She stepped on my tails," she stated. Even though she had taken his pen in her mouth, her voice was still quite clear. "Watch."

The Mewtwo abruptly burst into vivid blue flames. It took for her a moment to realize that she was upon fire, at which point she shrieked and flailed about and ran in circles like a headless god chicken. The flames didn't seem to actually be hurting her, aside from clashing horribly with her dark green fur; nevertheless, she kept up her ridiculous manner, oblivious to the fact that the entire crowd was now staring at her.

Naturally a few green Machamp guards came dashing in out of nowhere, attempting to help put out the flames and failing spectacularly. And just as naturally, several Pokemon had pulled out their cell phones (also out of nowhere) and were already planning out how this scene would look on YouTube.

Sir Chevalree cracked a smile in spite of himself. "An excellent show," he stated, turning back to the Ninetales. "Though such a spectacle at the opening of the club—"

He frowned. The fox had vanished.

"How odd," he murmured to himself. His thoughts mulled over her memory as he passed the clipboard on to the next Pokemon in line. Something about her had intrigued him, he knew, barely listening now to the Mewtwo's shrieks and the Machamp's grunts behind him. Something was … different about her from other Ninetales. But aside from the fact that she was a shiny, he couldn't quite put his finger on it.

*​

After a few long hours of socializing with the guests of Club Starshine, Sir Chevalree decided that he definitely preferred the Distinguished Affair Ballroom to the Hardcore Party Auditorium.

He was currently leaning against a cream-colored wall, exhausted from his constant rounds of the place and in denial of the fact that the event was still nowhere close to finishing. Taking a sip from his wine, he glanced automatically about the room at the many shinies in attendance. For some reason none of them looked tired, and only a few of them seemed drunk. Some of them had discreetly departed in pairs to who knew where; he couldn't steel himself to go up and look for them, for various reasons.

So far, the entire thing had gone off without a hitch. In spite of Rayquaza's worry, the only things approaching a disaster had been the flaming Mewtwo and a late shipment of beer for the Pokemon in the Hardcore Party Auditorium. The giant black dragon herself had relaxed a little: he could see her partially coiled up beside the refreshment table, chatting amiably with a green Salamence.

If only he could do the same. The relaxing, that is, not the Salamence. He hadn't caught a glimpse of the silver Ninetales this whole time, which of course only piqued his curiosity further.

With a sigh he examined the contents of his wineglass, swirling delicately between his fingers. Tiny wine droplets still clung to the sides, shimmering in the brilliant ceiling lights. They sparkled like a disco ball, he mused idly. Or perhaps a shiny ice-type, or one of the more pathetic species of vampires, or a—

He blinked.

"Ah, no wonder I haven't seen her," he said to himself.

Setting down his unfinished glass, he made his way out of the Ballroom and crossed the lobby, heading for the wide-open door that led to the Auditorium. A pair of Pichu sat huddled in the corner, swaying a bit woozily; they giggled as he passed, but he failed to hear it in the blast of rock music blaring from his destination.

He paused just before entering, hovering nervously at the edge of the crowd. For the crowd was indeed just before him: it stretched across the entirety of the massive room, pulsing to the beat of the music like a living thing. From this point it was impossible to see the stage, considering the darkness of the room and how dense the crowd was and whatever they insisted on bouncing so much for.

Taking a deep breath of air laden with cigarette-stench, he pushed himself into the throng of bodies.

It was madness. From the very start he was forced to put up an invisible shield to prevent them from trampling them, and though the surrounding Pokemon bounced off of it most comically, it was still a Herculean task just trying to find a path through them. It took a good half hour to get anywhere near the stage, but it was at that point, circumnavigating a pink Wailord with great caution, that he finally spotted her.

"'Ey! Sir Pants-a-lot!" she hollered, stumbling towards him. She somehow managed not to get crushed during this, which astonished him. Perhaps the dripping beer can in her paw had something to do with it. "Joinin' the party, huh? I been wondering, yessirree. I'm on the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, the edge, THE EDGE—!"

He wracked his brain, fervently considering what he was supposed to say. "Ah … Serena, right?" he asked after a moment.

She shook her head violently at this, inadvertently smacking a Skiploom and sending it flying. "No!" she said sharply. "No no no no no. I dunno who Serena's supposed to be. Name isn't Serena. Pfft, Serena's never gonna be my name ever again. The eeeedge of glory …"

"… You signed the clipboard 'Serena'," he remarked after a moment, not bothering to hide his puzzlement.

"Did I?" He thought he caught a clear flash of worry within her unfocused eyes, but he couldn't be sure. "Wellll, that wasn't me. I told 'em, I said: need a stupid-*** shiny named Serena, don't drag me into it. I'm not doin' a cliché fantasy or a five-way lemon again. I'm not. 'Cause I'm. Not. Her. And I got a brain and a heart and a soul to prove it."

He stared thoughtfully for a few moments. She belched then, giggling feebly, and at that moment he realized what it was about her that had fascinated her about him. Nothing mystic twinkled in her eyes; nothing in the way she carried herself demanded respect or bespoke of secrets; nothing made her stand out as wise or mysterious or even particularly beautiful. She was just … normal.

Aside from the shininess, that was.

"I hate 'em," she grumbled, not quite aware that she was saying anything. "Let 'em pull my tails for all I care."

She suddenly toppled forward. Sir Chevalree reached down swiftly, crouching down to catch her before she could get smashed by the mob surrounding them, letting his shield expand to surround her as well.

"I believe you need to rest," he said softly, unsure of whether her sharp ears could pick out his voice from the shrieks of the crowd and the boom of the stereos. "You're in no condition for such … strenuous activity as this."

Saying such, he straightened up in the midst of chaos, holding the Ninetales in his arms like a bride. She didn't weigh very much, he realized, suddenly feeling … protective of her. How odd.

With a final look at the madness surrounding them, he teleported …

… to the lobby, where he set her down on a soft couch. Her silver body splayed out before him, tails fanning like a peacock's. He knelt down beside her, but his worry died away as he realized she didn't seem to be seriously ill. Grunting quietly, she let her eyes wander over to his face. Her lips twitched and, much to his surprise, she licked his hand.

He found himself smiling back.

Sighing softly, she let her eyelids droop shut. The rise and fall of her chest grew more even.

"Sleep well," he whispered. He reached towards her and, hardly able to believe his own daring, stroked her furry head. Then he stroked her again, scratching behind her ears this time. He couldn't help but shiver at how soft she felt.

Footsteps echoed at the edge of his hearing, but he ignored it. A sudden scream, however, shattered the brief peace the two had found with a single horrified word:

"Murder!"

*​

To be continued in: TwisterShipping.

 

[SugarPesticide]

TwisterShipping // Rayquaza & Salamence // PG-13

Previously on Project Valentine:

As you know, shiny Pokemon are not canonically important in canon. The only two exceptions to this long-standing rule are the Red Gyarados of Gold, Silver, Crystal, Heartgold, and Soulsilver, though he was also given a continuity nod in Diamond, Pearl, and Platinum; and the pink Celebi of Mystery Dungeon fame, who is strangely unavailable for comment at the moment. Here in the vast metropolis of Follywood, however, fanfiction writers cram many of these creatures into their lurid stories, concerned with how few ways there are to make their characters unique and special. Club Starshine represents the pinnacle of that arrogance, shamelessly flaunting the shinies' supposed superiority.

All is not fun and sparkles at this den of sin, though: opening night has been stained with the blood of an innocent victim ("innocent" being a subjective term; for the meaning of subjective, search for the mystical tome known to scholars as the dictionary, and known to you fic writers as "the big heavy one"). Black Rayquaza, Chairdragon of the Unique and Natural Twinkling Committee and Overseer of the Club Starshine Project, was suspiciously quick in her assertion that nothing disastrous or catastrophic had occurred, in spite of any evidence to the contrary.

"Well, of course I have to admit I'm just the littlest bit upset," Rayquaza (age 1337) admitted, letting out a "charming" combination of a tinkling-chime laugh and a noblewoman's guffaw. "It's very difficult finding those who'd be willing to scrub the blood off of the marble. Still, I believe that this evening has been an overwhelming success in its grand mission of flaunting our definite superiority—"

"Shut up right there," Rayquaza interrupted. "At what point did I ever say that?"

Far beneath her, a startled black-and-white Absol looked up from the curly words on the notepad before him. The notepad was mysteriously levitating, but that isn't important. "Did you say what, Black Rayquaza?" he said, all wide-eyed innocence.

"You know what I said. Or rather, what you said I said," she snarled. Several crime scene investigators glanced nervously at her, but then shook themselves and turned back to the bloody mess before them.

"Oh, do you mean this?" He gestured towards the fluffy black quill that floated beside him, scribbling furiously. "My Quick-Quotes Quill? It's a timesaver, and a godsend too."

She lowered her head to face him directly; considering the sheer length of her neck and size of her body, this was a rather intimidating motion. "You have heard that I eat intrepid reporters who're too stupid for their own good, right?"

The Absol frowned thoughtfully. "Hmm, can't say that I have. Perhaps you're mixing up pseudo-reality and crack fanfic? Just a little?"

She lifted a thin lip, baring a row of massive teeth. Part of her, the snarling, primitive part usually revealed in fanfic, wanted to stretch out and bite him clean in half. It wouldn't be that hard, she told herself. She'd be quick, and relatively tidy with what followed. Just a couple of feet forward.

Only when somebody tugged at her clawed hand did she realize how tense her muscles had become.

"Rayquaza, this isn't the time or place," Liam said cautiously.

She blinked. "I-I know that," she said shakily, twisting a little to glance down at the bright green Salamence. "But really, he's just impertinent. Almost to the point of arrogance!"

"We've been through worse," he assured her, patting her hand. "He's getting the inside scoop, not summoning a monster like Hug-Soggoth. You'll be fine."

She forced a small smile. "You're right, Liam," she said. "Thank you."

He just beamed in response, fluttering his orange wings.

The Absol's bright eyes darted between the two shiny dragons. "… Do you two know each other?" he asked after a moment's thought.

Rayquaza rolled her eyes. "Of course not, puny reporter. I always let random Pokemon touch me without permission."

"We've known each other for ages," Liam said, though he allowed himself a smirk. "Though we haven't actually met up for quite a while. Not since the Great Trollfic Boom of '09—"

"Oh, don't bring that up again," Rayquaza said, groaning melodramatically. "That was so embarrassing—"

"But Rayquaza, it's practically legend by now! Cassio here was one of the first I told it to, actually."

The serpentine dragon attempted to glare murderously at the two males simultaneously, but she failed miserably.

"It was a bit sketchy, though, what you told me," Cassio remarked, stretching a foreleg up to his head in order to scratch behind his black scythe. "Not quite as juicy as I would've liked."

"Was it?" Liam eyed the Absol mischievously. "Did I mention that we were owned by a Parody Stu named Gay Rust?"

Cassio choked. Rayquaza mumbled to herself, squeezing her eyes shut and pinching the bridge of her snout.

"Yep." Liam shook his head, chuckling. "What a time. He could shoot lightning bolts and fire bolts and ice bolts out of his hands, all at the same time. And he won every battle and contest, obviously. And he was so sexy that he slept with everything he came across. Everything. Even us. That was a weird threesome—"

"Liam!" Rayquaza shrieked suddenly, swiveling around to bore twin holes through him with her eyes. "We have absolutely no need to discuss our sex lives so openly! Especially not to an Arceus-damned reporter. 'This isn't the time or place,' remember?"

Liam's horns drooped. "I know," he said, sounding rather abashed. "But it was still nice of him to let us do it by ourselves afterwards."

With an utterly terrifying roar, she lunged at him, and soon blows were being exchanged so quickly that it was highly difficult to see much of the scuffle.

"I do wish I brought a camera," Cassio said to nobody in particular. Staring nervously at the fighting dragons, he skirted past them and padded up to one of the crime scene investigators. "Have any of your people found a cause for the murder yet?"

"Not yet," cawed the Fearow he was addressing. He extended a broad wing, gesturing towards the bloody remains of Spiky-eared Pichu. "She was too hacked up to tell what the murder weapon could've been. And of course the list of suspects is well over ten thousand … not that we can't figure that out easily," he lied hastily. Then his beady eyes lit up. "Say … her murder'll have Club Starshine closed, won't it? Publicity'll be so bad, the veteran writer's are sure to shut down this miserable place before it's far off the ground."

"Are you kidding?" Cassio exclaimed; his Quick-Quotes Quill, which had been scribbling furiously, jumped briefly. "Of course this won't close the club down! In fact, everyone's only going to cheer at the news of her death. She brought too much letdown to canon, after all. And we all know how everyone feels about Canon Sues like her." He rubbed his furry chin. "Of course, there's the question about how Rayquaza plans to kill all those germs, but I'm sure she and Liam can figure something out. Even though they seem very busy right now."

The Fearow's face fell. "That's … that's true. Ah, shaddup!" he snapped, as another Pichu nearby suddenly began to bawl obnoxiously. "Being a crybaby isn't going to change anything, runt! This isn't Mewtwo Strikes Back, especially since that movie was a billion times cooler than you!"

"Buh-huh-hut she was my bestest fwiend!" whined Pikachu-colored Pichu. "We woo the most super special paioo in the histowy of evoo!"

"Pikachu-colored Pichu?" Cassio reached out and placed a paw on the little rat's shoulder. "I have something very important to tell you."

The rat sniffed. "Wh-what is it?" he asked, staring up with eyes glinting with diamond tears.

"Nobody cares about you!" the Absol replied cheerfully. As the rat began to bawl again at this he turned to the Fearow with a respectful nod. "Keep up the excellent forensic work, officer … scientist … bird … person. Now if you'll excuse me, I believe I can get this squeezed into the evening paper."

As he trotted out towards the door to Club Starshine, he glanced over his shoulder at the fighting dragons. From the look of it, they seemed no closer to the end of their brawl than before; in fact bits of scales and blood were scattered around them, much to the investigators' annoyance. With a hint of a smile, Follywood's top reporter revealed some knowledge that every fanfiction writer is nevertheless well aware of, and were most likely already thinking before he opened his mouth.

"Oh, they are just so cute when they're beating each other up!"

*​

Coming up next: ApoldaShipping.

 

[ChloboShoka]

Congrats on getting over a 100. I've just read the most recent 3 ones you've done. I really enjoyed them and found it interesting reading about different and obscure pairings out there. Well done, very creative.

 

[SugarPesticide]

Thanks for reading, I'm glad you've enjoyed them! Obscure pairings are the best pairings I say.

*​

ApoldaShipping // Silver & Houndoom // PG-13

In the grim breaking dawn of the grim future, there is only anticlimax.

"RIGHT!" the human lieutenant bellowed, gazing over his massive audience with a steely glint in his eye. The light of the oncoming morning dimly lit up the sky behind him, casting him as an impressive yet faint silhouette. "The time has come at last. You all know why you're here, of course: to witness the extermination of the vermin crawling our good green earth! At last we may accomplish the dream of destroying our subversive enemies through the use of our classic friend, the machine gun. At last we humans can take our place as the true inhabitants of the world!"

Everyone stared at him. Somewhere beyond the crowd, a Kricketot chirped.

"… You do know there's no reason to wage war on Pokemon, right Surge?" a ninja near the front stated flatly.

Lieutenant Surge seemed to deflate a little. "Well, yeah," he admitted, slipping back into his old obnoxious American accent. "Except that the glory of war is the best of all things! To fight for your country, or species, or whatever … that's a thing we haven't had happen in a long time. Look Koga, nothing breathes fresh air back into your soul quite like an apocalyptic wasteland stinking of blood and gunpowder and crap. And what better way to do it than to assert ourselves over those Pokemon?"

Something tugged at his pant leg. He had only just looked down when he was suddenly flooded with several hundred volts of electricity, and he collapsed to the podium with charred clothes and much twitching. Dimly he registered the face of his disgruntled Raichu scowling down at him, stubby arms crossed.

Koga wasn't the only one in the crowd to roll his eyes.

"Look!" somebody shouted suddenly, pointing off into the distance. "The Pokemon are coming!"

Gasps and murmurs rippled through the humans as they turned towards the newcomers. It seemed like an honest-to-goodness swarm of locusts, so vast were the numbers of the Pokemon: birds swooped through the air like shadowy darts, while beasts lumbered or trotted at their own desired pace. The fish Pokemon, of course, were not present. Racism against those with gills is an unfortunately common trait in many.

"Humans of the Pokemon world!" their leader exclaimed dramatically, stretching out his hand. "The Pokemon world is for Pokemon, and not for humans. That's why it's called the Pokemon world. But there's more to it than that: you are inherently corrupt, cruel by nature and alien to true friendship. We shall tolerate your atrocities no more! Today, on behalf of my oppressed brethren, I declare war upon your foul race!"

A few of the Pokemon cheered weakly at this declaration. Noticing that they were alone in this, however, they quickly dropped into the silence.

"What the hell, you hypocrite?" Surge blurted, still twitching. "You're a traitor to your own race, you damn sociopath, what's-your-name … L or something …"

"N!" a young brunette shouted, eyes wide with shock. "What do you think you're doing? I spent like a year teaching you that humans are good!"

"I encountered another variable," N replied quickly, as if regurgitating whatever words came to mind. He flipped his green ponytail out of his face, causing his vast fanclub to swoon in unison. "I'm sorry, Hilbert. To war we must go."

"Wait, war?" an Arbok exclaimed, blinking. "I thought you said we were heading for a land full of cake!"

"It was a necessary lie," N said smoothly.

Much grumbling and arguments erupted on both sides, as everyone vented their irritation at the pointlessness of this gathering. After all, what was the point? Society was fine as it was, unless you were one of those rebellious teenagers who had come solely to watch everyone shoot the crap out of each other, in which case why not join the actual army and fight in a war that probably mattered more than this? Unless of course they were some of those making up the slim demographic of sulky emo teens, who had never seen any actual blood outside of a biology class or video game, and who needed graphic inspiration for their latest pretentious and horrible poem. Kids these days.

So of course it seemed like this "war" was unlikely to happen, which meant that the arrival of two lean figures wasn't so much timely as it was random.

"Stop the fighting!" one of them panted, skidding to a halt in the no-man's-land between the two groups. He leaned forward, pushing his sweaty red hair out of his face. "Just … stop it!"

"Yeah, because we were just going at it until you showed up," somebody snarked, much to everyone's amusement.

The newcomer blinked. Then he turned to his companion, raising an eyebrow. "… You lied to me, didn't you," he stated flatly.

"Just a little bit." She turned her hands this way and that, examining her claws idly. "It's not as if you would've gone along with it otherwise."

"Okay, what the hell is this?" Surge demanded. "And why do I suddenly feel like all this is going to end in Pokephilia?"

"It's a long story," the redheaded boy replied, shaking his head.

"Then I'll tell it," his companion said with a diabolical grin. "You see, I'm a Houndoom and—"

"No you're not," the Arbok interrupted. "You're pretty obviously a human."

She laughed at this. This resulted in everybody suddenly laughing at her, however, due to the fact that a teenage girl in a black-and-orange dress is not a human, regardless of the horns curling up out of her head. Liars tend to be laughed at, after all. Unless the liar is N, in which case he is swooned at instead.

"Cut out your chortling!" she snapped, blushing faintly. "I'm usually a Houndoom, okay? I'm just in this form right now because I'm a demon and I can do whatever the hell I want. And also because humans find me sexier right now. Isn't that right, Silvie my boy—"

"What she's trying to say," Silver said loudly, "is that humans and Pokemon are perfectly capable of coexisting peacefully. Not that we haven't for hundreds of years now, but I guess some of us need reminding. I mean, what exactly would you gain from fighting each other? Glory and superiority aren't everything. I've learned that the hard way."

Murmurs and nods met his words.

"Although more Pokemon in the form of humans would be awesome," the Houndoom remarked airily. "That way everyone's all sexy all the time, especially if we Pokemon are all girls. I honestly wouldn't mind being part of a few trainer harems, as long as Silver's is one of them. We'd be so moe, haha. And the world would be full of frolicking ladies in dresses, dancing for our sexy trainers, and everything would be perfect! That'd be a fun idea, wouldn't it?"

"NO," everyone said forcefully.

She shrank back a little. "Okay then, so it's just me. Jeez."

Surge cleared his throat awkwardly. "Somehow … I don't think we'll have a war today. Damn it. Well, as you were, everyone." He abruptly shrieked as his Raichu unleashed a few more volts into him.

"But—!" N began to protest.

"War is like Pokemon battles!" Hilbert interrupted. "Except everyone dies instead of fainting."

"…" With a sigh, N snapped his fingers and randomly disappeared into thin air. His fanclub swooned again at this.

As everyone turned to begin heading home, Silver's thoughts were interrupted by something wet and slimy slithering down his cheek. Freezing up in disgust, his eyes wandered over to the Houndoom, whose tongue was currently coating his jaw in sticky saliva. "'Oo till tate good," she moaned, sliding her fingers down his arms seductively.

"Stop it," he said tersely. "Stop it or I'll have to pull my trump card."

She raised her face up to his, letting their noses touch. "Is that a euphemism?"

"Maybe." He let a hand fall slowly to his pants, working at them without taking his eyes off of her. He drank in her pleased yet surprised expression. "But I won't give it to you unless you're good."

"Oh, I'll be good, Master." Her voice was an ironic purr as she rubbed her respectable chest against his. "I'll be very good."

"That's what I was hoping to hear." With a slight tug, he pulled a long, thick object out of his pants.

Her gaze jerked downwards, a hungry grin practically tearing her face in two.

"Open wide."

Her tongue lolled out of her open mouth, and she panted in anticipation as he brought the massive thing towards her expectant face. "Give it to me," she growled, drool dripping down her chin. "Give it to me good."

"Okay." He shoved the dog biscuit down her throat.

The few remaining onlookers stared at the smirking redhead and the choking demon, wondering if this was really something they should be doing in public.

And the awkward and creepy interspecies romance lived happily ever after.

*​

Coming up next: SnappyShipping.

 

[SugarPesticide]

SnappyShipping // Piplup & Turtwig // G

"Very well," Piplup said to her reflection, finally deciding that she'd done enough preening. "Let's consider this mission underway."

She took a deep breath and turned away from the mirror, puffing out her chest importantly as she scanned the luxurious hotel room from her vantage point on the vanity. Where had Wig holed himself away? There were likely a hundred places he could be hiding, and this had to be done soon – she wanted to accomplish this before Platina and those ridiculous bodyguards got back from who knew where. It was best to do it with as few witnesses as possible.

Oh. There he was, slumbering peacefully on the four-poster right beneath her beak. Of course he'd be right there.

Resisting the urge to slap herself, she hopped down to the floor as gracefully as possible, which is about as graceful as a stout little penguin can be expected to be. The resultant thump and groan was almost enough to make the nearby Chimhiko glance back at her, but the fire monkey's fascination with his video game kept his eyes glued to the screen and his fingers darting about the controls. Piplup sighed in relief at this; if that hadn't drawn his attention, nothing would.

Turning her focus back to the task at hand, she waddled over to the bed and gazed up at its comparatively huge form. This was an unexpected obstacle. If Platina were here, she could simply lift her up to that height. But she certainly wasn't going to wait for her trainer to return.

There was only one thing for it, then.

She launched herself into the air with a grunt, stubby wings reaching for the edge of the bed. Her heart leapt as she saw how easily this part of her task would be accomplished, for she had jumped far higher than she had thought she could! This would be a snap.

Unfortunately she was wrong. She only managed to seize the blanket, and her eyes had just widened in realization of this fact when another fact reared its ugly head: the bed was about as far from being properly made as possible. As such, when gravity tugged her down, she found herself pulling the blanket, the sheets, and the snoozing Turtwig down with her.

Chimhiko failed to look around at the resulting crash. He was far too busy blowing up aliens.

"Huh-wha?" Wig awoke with a snort, staring at the scene around him. He was fairly sure he hadn't fallen asleep down here.

Something shifted beneath him. Blinking in surprise, he glanced down to see a penguin-shaped blob pushing against the sheets. "Oh dear!" the blob exclaimed in a rather muffled voice. "My sincerest apologies, Wig. I assure you this catastrophe was entirely my doing, but it was far from my intention to actually do it."

"Huh?" He got to his feet a bit dizzily, then lowered his head to pull the sheets away and reveal his friend laying there. "What're you apologizing for, Piplup? I'm the one who fell on you."

"But it was I who caused you to fall in the first place." She rubbed her head, looking quite abashed.

"Aw, it's nothing," he laughed. "No harm done." He yawned broadly and proceeded to stretch the kinks out of his limbs. "Is Dia back yet? I could use a couple of rice balls."

"They haven't returned, no." She fidgeted for a moment, considering whether to go through with her scheme. Then she reminded herself that backing out of it now would be stupid and cowardly, and so she proceeded to take the plunge. "Wig, there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

"Well, I … you see, I have some … oh, how can I put this?" She wrung her wings nervously. "Wig, I believe I have a … a strong affection for you."

There it was, laid out on the table. She watched his face for his reaction, feeling no small amount of anxiety.

Slowly Wig's eyes widened. Then, without a word, he turned and walked away.

Piplup's heart sank. She had understood that a reciprocation of her feelings was unlikely, but she hadn't expected it to be this painful. Was this what vulnerability felt like?

She'd been sitting there amidst the sheets for a few moments, contemplating whether her Poke Ball would be a sufficient place to hide in for the rest of her life, when soft footsteps pulled her out of her contemplation. A sudden stab of surprise shot through her upon realizing that Wig had reappeared, with a small box clenched in his mouth.

"I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to give this to you," he said after setting it down in front of her. "Guess it's a good thing I brought it."

Piplup stared down at it, feeling the gears in her mind begin to twirl into motion again. Could this be …?

Picking it up tentatively, she pulled the lid off of the box with some difficulty. She wondered vaguely how Wig had managed to put it together, considering his lack of fingers or wings. His mouth couldn't be nearly that dexterous, could it …?

The lid fell from her limp flippers.

Nestled within the box was a tiny flower, sprouting sapphire petals that shimmered so brightly that it was impossible to tell whether it was vegetable or mineral. It looked so fragile that she hesitated to pull it up into fresh air, fearful that it might shatter at her lightest touch.

Her wide eyes turned upwards to Wig's expectant face. "Is it all right?" he asked, sounding just a bit anxious. "I'm not good with colors or anything, but—"

"It's perfect." She smiled and pulled him into a hug, careful not to jostle the box too much. "Thank you."

Across the room, Chimhiko rolled his eyes at the whole mushy-gushy display. "Wig, you totally owe me one for that box," he muttered to nobody in particular, turning back to the more important matter of destroying as many aliens as possible.

*​

Coming up next: SleepyShipping.

 

[SugarPesticide]

I am so, so sorry for this.

*​

SleepyShipping // Hypno & Jigglypuff // PG-13

The birds of the forest fell silent as a foul pedophile crept along the winding path, drawing closer to his ominous home. They were of course well used to his slinking about by now, and no longer were they particularly worried about him, but providing a creepy atmosphere still seemed appropriate. It was the principle of the thing, after all.

A few unconnected cackles wracked the pedophile's frame. His name was Hypno, because his parents were some of the least creative Pokemon in history, and they were only slightly less stupid than the parents of an unfortunate girl called Facebook. Oh, how sad that poor little girl had been. Luckily he'd been able to comfort her with his body before it was her time to go.

A sack was slung over his shoulder, thrashing about at odd intervals due to its unwilling occupant. Hypno wasn't particularly bothered by this, considering how soft and squishy his newest friend was. Even so, he couldn't help but reach back and pinch that burlap-covered form, relishing the way her plushy body gave way between his fingers as it went slack.

The avian onlookers noticed all of this, of course. They were quite grateful his taste in birds only extended to meals.

As the cackling pedophile rounded the corner, coming into view of his looming lair, Hypno's new friend dealt him a particularly vicious kick – that is to say, a blow that he could actually feel. He shifted it in response, letting it bounce back and forth along his bent back. "Hehehe, you may as well relax, my little pillow … Hush little baby, don't say a word … Daddy's gonna make you sing like a bird …"

He set foot in the cave, and his warbling off-key singing bounced against the walls. His lair was rather more luxurious then one would expect from somebody living way out in the middle of the woods: the floor was covered in a thick carpet, and huge pillows were scattered all over the place. Of course, being partially exposed to the elements had turned everything white with mildew, creating such a powerful stench that most visitors would faint dead away from at the merest whiff. It wasn't exactly the best of living conditions, but it did help to mask the rich scent of blood that might have drawn hungry carnivores this way.

With a grunt, the pedophile swung the bag around and unceremoniously upended it, sending a pink balloon clad in a black outfit tumbling out onto the stinking carpet. She bounced around a few times before rolling to a stop, groaning and swaying slightly from the dizziness. She was going to be so much fun, Hypno thought gleefully. He'd never had anyone with that shape in here before. How refreshingly exotic.

As she painstakingly pushed herself onto her feet, he realized that outfit of hers was rather strange … did a few strips of leather count as an outfit? He wasn't an expert in such things …

"What the … what the hell was that for?" the Jigglypuff shouted, her voice ringing off of the walls. "Didn't you see the sign, bozo? I'm closed for all daylight hours. If you want my services, you should've waited 'til this evening. And you'd better damn well believe I get paid up front."

Hypno blinked. "Was there a sign? I was merely picking your plushy form up off the street. I prefer to get to know my friends gradually. HeheheEEYOUCH!"

"And that's for nearly suffocating me," she said, grinning in satisfaction as he bent double from the pain of her sudden kick. Then she frowned. "Oh hell … you're that pedophile, aren't you?"

He nodded proudly, eyes still streaming.

"Ever heard of the phrase 'biting off more than you can chew'?"

"Oh yes," he said, "I certainly have. I do it very frequently."

She decided not to think too hard about that answer. "Well then. You have exactly one chance to let me go, or else one of us is going to find themselves in a world of pain."

His beady eyes lit up. "Oh good! I always appreciate it when my little friends acknowledge that with great pleasure comes great pain."

"But I think you could stand to appreciate it a bit more."

It happened so fast that even Hypno's limited precognitive abilities couldn't save him: the Jigglypuff pulled a plethora of black ropes seemingly out of nowhere, lashing them out to curl tightly around him, pinning his arms to his sides as he crashed down into the carpet with a powdery cloud of mildew. Looking proud of herself, the pink balloon placed a foot against his body and posed dramatically there for a moment.

"Ah," Hypno coughed, "y-you are a very feisty one, my little friend. I like you."

"You'd better," she said; a bit more steel crept into her voice. She flicked her hand, and a lengthy black whip mysteriously appeared in it.

His eyes widened. "What is this …?"

"My specialty." She smirked evilly down at him, raising the whip over her head. "You've been pretty naughty, so it's time to give you an important lesson. I'll be your teacher for this afternoon. Today we'll be learning the meaning of the word 'dominatrix'."

The whip came down with a mighty crack.

Outside the cave, a terrified scream echoed throughout the forest for miles.

*​

No one in town was quite sure where the pedophile had gone. Oh, they were naturally very pleased that he no longer stalked their streets to find some new prey, and parents were no longer paranoid about letting their children walk around in broad daylight. But the fact that nobody had seen neither hide nor hair of him for the past two months … well, it struck them as fairly ominous. Much gossip circulated about as to what sort of horrible fate could have befallen him.

In other news, Jigglypuff could often be seen buying an odd variety of foods and leashes for her "poor little pet"; inquiries as to the nature of what that pet might be were only met with a devilish grin and a knowing wink. But that was entirely unrelated, of course.

*​

Coming up next: CandlestickShipping.

 

[SugarPesticide]

CandlestickShipping // Steven & Flannery // PG

The mountain towered over the surrounding landscape, looming dramatically of course. Peeking his head around a boulder nearby, Steven Stone stared at it intently, then sighed in relief upon deciding that today would be a mercifully quiet day. Such days were sadly rare when one was the Hoenn Champion, heir to Devon Corporation, and Five-Time Winner of White-Haired Weekly's Most Charming Smile Award.

"Stop whining about how special you are," his gigantic steel spider stated flatly, or as flatly as a mechanical voice can be. The Metagross floated easily just behind him, with her legs tucked beneath her massive metallic body. She looked exactly like a meditating Kadabra in this stance, assuming said Kadabra was huge and blue and weighed over a thousand pounds.

"I'm not whining," Steven said distractedly. Shielding his eyes from the sun with a dusty hand, he began to make his way across the rough plains towards the mountains. Rocks gave way from beneath his feet with a series of satisfying crunches. "I'm simply appreciating my day off. The two scenarios are completely different."

"Then why did you mention the trifling magazine in your thoughts?"

"Because they're expecting me to attend another photo shoot tomorrow. It's rather ridiculous. I don't understand why they couldn't just find pictures of me from the internet."

"Perhaps, if you take a moment to consider the nature of the internet, you will find your answer."

There was a brief lull in the conversation. Chattering birds and a chilly mountain breeze were quite happy to fill the gap of silence.

"… Oh," Steven said a few moments later. The birds and the breeze reluctantly faded back into the ambient noise surrounding the area, feeling sulky. "Oh. I see."

"Yes." Metagross clicked in amusement. "I calculated that you might."

Shuddering at the horrible mental images, the young man paused for a brief moment to pluck a shiny-looking rock from the ground nearby, and proceeded to bounce it idly in on his palm as he resumed his walking. "So anyway," he said, feeling quite eager to subject, "this area should be empty for the day. Everyone's watching that hero kid take on the Elite Four. They're too busy crowding into the stadium and around their TVs to do their work."

"The kid seemed to have the talent," Metagross whirred. "He almost looks to be on the verge of beating the four of them and reaching you."

"All of the others were 'almost' to that level as well," Steven remarked. "It's pretty unlikely that Brendan could manage it."

It was really a pity that he was facing forward. Not everybody lives to see the rare sight of a Metagross facepalming.

"But anyway," he went on, completely unconscious to the comical clang of claws against chrome, "there should be plenty of evolution stones hidden in this place. It's quite likely that we might find enough Water Stones to really spruce up my collection, and a few extra Thunder Stones should add a nice contrast against that dark blue. Of course, a Dawn Stone would always be nice too."

"Indeed," Metagross muttered mechanically. "Heaven forbid we find anything that's actually valuable. Like gold."

"Oh yes, that," Steven said absently, pausing again and closely examining the rock with squinting eyes. "Gold is nice too."

"No way! Gold is a silly poison to the economy! Shiny Fire Stones are where it's at!"

"Well, they are very nice, I suppose … wait … Metagross, since when did you have that voice box?"

The giant metallic spider smirked. "What voice box?"

"You know, hers ..." Steven blinked. Then he let the rock fall through his fingers and onto the ground with a soft clink. "She's right behind me, isn't she?"

"Yep!" the person right behind him confirmed happily, nudging him. Unfortunately, he had stiffened up at this point, so the nudging action caused him to fall forward rather unexpectedly, where he smashed into the ground face first. "Um … sorry?"

"I'm … fine, thanks." With a wince and much brushing away of dust, he pushed himself onto his feet. He then turned to face the newcomer, feeling a hint of dread at whatever was going to happen.

She was the redheaded personification of laughter – it was as though his vision had become filled with noise the second he caught sight of her, beaming as widely as she typically did. She wore short shorts and a loudly colored T-shirt, with her midriff bared as usual. She also wore a vivid look of liveliness and energy, which mildly annoyed him. He knew that she had to have been hiking up here for at least as much distance as he had, and yet she didn't look the tiniest bit exhausted.

For the moment, though, she was looking rather concerned. "Are you sure? You kind of took a pretty impressive fall, there."

"Nothing seemed particularly bruised or broken," Steven assured her, though he winced as he rubbed his nose. "But enough about me. What are you doing here, Flannery?"

"Well, the Elite Four challenge today coincided with your day off," the fire-type gym leader replied, "so it was pretty obvious that you'd be heading out this way! I mean, it's not as if you go to the hot springs anymore or anything like that!" She grinned cheekily at him, as if that explained everything.

He glanced off to the side, pretending he hadn't heard that last bit.

The smile slipped from Flannery's face at his reaction, little by little. Her hair itself almost seemed to be deflating. Then, with a sigh, she said in a slightly more serious voice, "Uh … look, Steven. I didn't mean to be a jerk, I just … well, you know how people say stupid things sometimes? I say stupid things sometimes. I wasn't thinking really straight when I said that you and I together weren't working. It was kind of an off day for me."

Steven gave her a slanted look. "Since when do you have off days?"

"It happens sometimes." She gave a knowing look to the author, who waved her on impatiently to continue her heartfelt apology. "But I haven't stopped thinking about it or feeling like a guilty watered-down jerk about it! Seriously, I haven't! This has easily been the longest thirteen hours of my entire life!"

He bit his lip. "Well … to be honest, I think I might understand what you mean. I don't exactly feel justified at having taken your shouting at face value, myself." With a slight hesitation, he met her eyes and extended his hand out a bit with a small smile. "I think we can put that little fight behind us, can't we?"

Flannery fairly squealed as she shook her hands around like a madwoman, and before Steven could fully comprehend what was happening, she had launched towards him with a huge leap (which was impressive, considering how close together they had been standing) and tackled to the ground with a spectacular glomp. "Ooh, thank you thank you thank you!" she gushed, squeezing him. "You are the most amazing boyfriend in the history of the planet! Or even this whole fic?"

"This whole what?"

"Oh, never mind that. Come on!" Suddenly on her feet again without explanation, she hoisted him up by the hand and fairly dragged him along behind her as she sprinted towards the nearby mountain. "To the caverns of glittering Fire Stones!"

Metagross watched them streak off, feeling amused in spite of herself. "I don't even know why I'm here," she remarked idly, and proceeded to float off in pursuit of the reunited couple.

*​

Coming up next: CommonerShipping.

 

[SugarPesticide]

CommonerShipping // Dia & Platina // PG

You're a clown. That's all you ever were.

It's a harsh truth, but you've known it for a long time now – even in your happiest moments it still lingers in the back of your mind, watching and whispering. You're so used to it by now that it's quite easy to forget, and you can smile and fool around without a care when times are peaceful. But it's also easy to remember, and as you remember how they look at you your smile grows fixed and your antics become more forced, just a little.

Sometimes you can wake up and look out the window, surveying whatever landscape is out there, and just forget that your double act is almost always met with incredulous stares and nervous giggles. Sometimes you can hum to yourself as you fix breakfast and genuinely look forward to another day of new sights and sounds and faces. Sometimes you pull on your hat and jacket and bound away from the mirror, putting aside its mysteries for another wondrous day.

But now it all comes back, settling into your thoughts like the silent snow that's drifting down all around you. Now you and the others stand at the top of this tower, staring out at the city below with its glowing radiance lighting up the night. It's all black and gold, dotted here and there with green and red and silver, and a billion white flakes float towards the lights like a flock of tired fireflies. Up here you can feel the massive weight of the city with its millions of people and Pokemon; yet at the same time the sheer height cuts you off from all of them, pushing you into icy isolation. Even your companions seem distant, separated by gaps of several millimeters that you could never bridge. You can't even remember what you're all doing up here. Waiting for something, perhaps, or else waiting for nothing. It doesn't seem to make a difference in this black silence.

Sometimes you pause to stare into the mirror, and your reflection stares back with a haunted, quiet look. Tired eyes, chubby cheeks, rather messy hair peeking from beneath the brim of your beret … you take all this in and you wonder, in a moment of fleeting panic, if they can see this face behind your smiling façade. But then the fear fades as you remember that that's impossible. You would never let them see this. You would never let their amusement fade. It's better to be a clown than to be nothing.

You're so tired. The streets are invisible from this height, hinted at only by the headlights of vehicles crawling below. There's a short wall just in front of you, separating you from a sixty-story drop. It would be so easy to step over it and fall away from all of this. You could become something else. Make a change. Be taken seriously. Escape the shadow of your reputation forever.

It would be easy … except for the anchor that pulls you back from that fatal step.

It's a five-fingered anchor, to be exact.

You can feel the warmth from her hand mingling with your own, even through the double-layered boundary of winter gloves. There's that slight comforting pressure as she squeezes your hand, that silent assurance of simply standing there beside you. You pull your gaze up from the gaping abyss to meet her dark eyes, which are sparkling in the lights. There's something knowing in her look, as though she's ready to guess your secret thoughts.

Not for the first time, you wonder why she bothers to be your friend. She has everything going for her. Conquering gyms and contests and entire frontiers … carrying on an ancient legacy … awaiting her massive inheritance. Servants at her beck and call. Powerful Pokemon. Connections with nearly everyone of importance. A mind that pierces the oldest riddles. She has everything, and she still wants you at her side, a common jester for the princess's court.

But these sorts of bonds don't necessarily have a concrete explanation. You know full well of that. Kindness, joy, friendship, love … you remember that these are more real than disdain and mockery could ever be. That's why you're still together, even after the mishaps that threatened to drive you apart. That's why, at the brink of a terrible fall, you give her a small, genuine smile that only grows when she returns it.

With a wordless exclamation, she points up at the sky with her free hand, her breath emerging as a brief puff of fog. There's a streak of light in the midst of the stars, trailing across the cosmos as it races silently toward its unknown destination. It's faint, considering the lights of the city and the flurries of snow, but it's there.

Murmurs of appreciative awe ripple through your companions. You can only stare up at the comet in wonder, watching its distant course towards the eastern horizon.

For now, everything is beautiful.

You're only a clown, when all is said and done … but you're her clown. And for now, that's all you need.

*​

Coming up next: DayShipping.

 

[SugarPesticide]

DayShipping // Espeon & Lucario // PG-13

The first thing he noticed upon returning to consciousness was the unrelenting motion, an insistent vibration that unceremoniously jarred him out of the land of dreams. With a deep breath he opened his eyes, only to immediately shut them again at the harshness of the light shining above him. For a few moments he simply lay there, unsure of whether he wanted to fully embrace waking or slip back into sleep. He let his furry fingers curl and uncurl slightly, if only to remind himself that he was alive.

"I did it," he breathed. He felt himself smile despite the soreness in his throat, painful from shouting. "I fought in the depths of Vast Valley … and I lived."

"You most certainly did." He felt someone shift beside him, fur rustling against metal. "We are headed away from the field even now."

One of his ears flicked. "Shouldn't I have sensed your aura?"

"Possibly. I don't pretend to be an expert in such things." There was a brief pause, broken only by the continual rattling around them of the vehicle's motion. Then, in a cheerier tone: "You should be proud, Lucario! You must have fought very bravely."

The omnipresent rumble of millions of scar-torn feet and paws. Soldiers as far as the eye could see, teeming like ants, jeering and sprinting and leaping and stabbing and blocking and failing and screeching. Heat everywhere, everywhere, carried everywhere in a foul air, humid and stinking with sweat and blood and piss and frothing saliva. Turn every direction to find no escape, no path to safety. Jerky movements, raspy breaths. Even the birds of prey, falling, falling to the haunting sounds that passed through dying throats.

"Of course I fought bravely," he boasted blindly, twitching the corners of his mouth upwards. "I'm one of the greatest heroes who ever lived! Really, they didn't seem to do a good job injuring me." He licked his lips, idly considering their lack of taste. "My name's New, by the way. New Bus."

"I know." A paw patted his own, rather more gently than his ego would have liked. "I'm Esme. It's nice to finally talk to you."

There was a smile in her voice, a cautious smile. He decided to bask quietly in his own victory rather wonder what it meant.

*​

The train pulled into its station a few hours later with screeching wheels; its hissing sounded about as tired as New Bus felt. As Esme helped him step shakily onto the platform, he couldn't help but glance around at the other returning soldiers, who shambled off as if they had only just stepped off of the battlefield. He remembered the lurching steps of a Mightyena with half its face missing, whimpering through exposed teeth. His stomach turned at the memory.

"That's all behind you now, New Bus," Esme reminded him, guiding him through a creaking gate and out of the station. "We can finally have peace. Now, my farm isn't too far from here—"

"What does your farm have to do with anything?" he couldn't help asking. The bandaging around his torso itched, and he managed to scratch at it when she wasn't looking.

"Well, somebody needs to make sure that you return to full health," she stated matter-of-factly. Fields of waving wheat opened up before them and without missing a beat she led him down a well-worn path that twisted through the grassy sea like a sleepy riverbed. "The medics agreed that I could bring someone home to let them recuperate. That war was quite nasty, after all. But it should be nothing that a little quiet farm life can't take care of." She smiled up at him again, and her sad purple eyes glinted in the sunlight.

He resisted the urge to reply that what he'd seen wouldn't be fixed by a few mornings watching the sun rise over rippling fields. "I guess it would be a nice rest after all my rampant heroism," he said instead, giving her a half nod, half shrug.

The farmhouse soon appeared in the distance, a quaint building covered in fresh white paint. As they drew near it, passing a sturdy wooden fence, the front door suddenly flew open, and a brown-and-cream blur barreled out and tackled Esme to the ground before the door had even smacked against the outer wall with a bang.

"Mama!" the brown-and-cream fox exclaimed, nuzzling at the Espeon eagerly. "You actually came back! Oh man, was the war really exciting out there? I know I heard that there was a ceasefire and everything but I didn't know you'd get back so soon or even if the group you were in needed to stay out there for longer or not. And you're all okay, too!"

She beamed at the little Eevee, licking at those long ears in return. "Oh Elle," she sighed with a purr. "I've missed you so much."

Somehow, as New Bus watched their joyful reunion, a little bit of his haunting memories slipped away.

*​

Life at Esme's farm was a simple affair. Every day, Fawkes the farmhand would crow at the break of dawn, and the Espeon would sleepily emerge from her farmhouse and proceed to make her daily rounds. Fuel the fire. Feed the chickens. Milk the cows. Check the pipes for leaks or freezing. Every day, like clockwork, she would circle from one area to the next, with Fawkes trailing behind her to give her a feathery hand. Only once they had finished these tasks would they return to the house for breakfast, which the bright-eyed Elle would have already prepared. Afterwards the three of them would venture out into the broad seas of wheat, harvesting those great waves.

With his injury, New Bus could only watch them as they went about their work. He would sit on the fence, watching them move about their work. Thoughtfully he noticed the differences in their tactics: Fawkes would slice at the wavering stalks with his great claws, while Elle used a small scythe clasped in her mouth. Esme, though, would simply cut the wheat psychically, levitating and depositing them into neat bundles. Nothing sharp in her methods, just a gentle cut. Or perhaps it was a pinch. He couldn't quite tell from this distance.

He couldn't see their auras at all. They were alive and breathing, certainly, but every now and then he had to remind himself of that fact. Without that familiar sense, they seemed almost like puppets with hidden strings. It might have had something to do with his injury, but it was still somewhat eerie.

At least the memories were beginning to fade. His nightmares, once savagely constant, were growing fewer and farther between. They were still horribly surreal, with their faces disintegrating into bloody mist and their howls echoing throughout his soul; but they were easily displaced by the wheat fields, still and silent under an ashen sky, while Esme looked on with her sad smile.

*​

"He's been gone for several years now," she was saying. Her forked tail swished in the air just behind her, and she gazed unseeingly into the embers in the fireplace. "Elle's father, I mean. He was always a roamer … sometimes I wonder if the war got to him in the end. It managed to get us, so why not?" She shook her head, and her whiskers rustled quietly. "There's just no way to know."

New Bus picked at his food awkwardly, his spoon clinking against his plate. "I'm sorry," he said. "I didn't mean to pry—"

"No, it's quite all right. It's all in the past now." Her stare turned upwards, towards him. "Though you've spent more time here than he ever did …"

"Have I?" He scratched at an ear idly. "That's odd … You know, I could help around with everything once this thing heals up. Seems to be a lot more work to do before winter."

She nodded. "I'd like that."

A few coals in the fire shifted, sending a tiny cloud of sparks dancing in the air. In the rocking chair, Fawkes grunted in his sleep; the pillow in his claws slipped from his grasp and bounced off of Elle's head. The little Eevee glanced at it in surprise for a moment before returning her attention to her book, eyes wide and ears pricked.

The Lucario and the Espeon looked back into the fire, pondering on the future. Their paws were touching, but neither of them noticed.

Esme closed her eyes, letting the blurry afterimage dance on her retinas. For the first time, she felt a terrible pang of guilt – for she starting to selfishly wish that her companion would never wake up.

*​

Coming up next: HaughtyShipping.

 

[SugarPesticide]

And with this update, we are finally caught up to FF.Net! This particular story was written for Valentine's Day last year(!!), so I'm both somewhat surprised and relieved that I've gotten this up to date at last. Next chapter should be more indicative of what my current writing is like ... hopefully it hasn't degraded into atrocity.

*​

HaughtyShipping // Pearl & Platina // G

Snow was drifting from the thick gray sky, as it often did in February. The lights of Hearthome City glittered all around, lighting up the sky with artificial stars. Ledges of buildings, bare branches of trees, and sidewalks yet to be shoveled were all blanketed in a modest depth of white. Pink and red heart-shaped cutouts were scattered everywhere, attached to doors and windows and traffic lights and wherever else the residents of the city could think to put them. A faint chorus of cheers drifted from the direction of the distant Super Contest Hall, which was open even at this late hour.

But to Platina Berlitz, the elegant beauty of artificiality was a trivial thing compared to her current pursuit. She was standing before an impressive window display, a stack of velvet-covered shelves filled with creamy chocolates in their heart-shaped boxes, lush flowers flourishing in their sculpted vases, jewelry and watches sparkling with gems, and grand holiday cards that would have easily dwarfed any others she'd ever seen. All items were equally tempting.

She tapped her fingers against her chin thoughtfully, and her black hair shifted slightly as she tilted her head. "So many decisions," she said aloud, feeling confident that nobody was close enough to hear her talking to herself. "I suppose I could get him a box of chocolates, but that may be a more suitable gift for Diamond. Then again, I have never heard of a young man turning down food unless he is very full … Perhaps a Luvdisc? I am sure there are some at the back of this place somewhere, considering how exotic they are. But they are not particularly powerful on their own, and he may get impatient with a single one …"

Then, in a sudden flash of realization, she came to the perfect solution. In fact was certainly the best solution to any problem, and the fact that almost nobody ever thought of it was a quaint mystery.

"Of course!" she exclaimed, clasping her hands together in delight. "I'll simply buy it all!"

*​

Pearl blinked once, slowly. His eyes traveled up the massive mountain before him, an impromptu creation that blared a brilliant combination of pink and red and purple and white and tufts of green. Unnaturally colored stuffed Teddiursa stared back at him, their marble eyes glinting rather eerily in the cold winter sun's light. Bright flowers well out of season peeked their wilting faces out from their cheerful prison. Assorted cupids and angels lay all over the place: one particularly fat ceramic baby sat quite neatly at the top, aiming an adorable arrow at who knew what.

A snowball splattered against the back of his head, courtesy of some passerby kid; the sudden cold wetness now dripping down his neck was barely registered.

"… You bought it all?" he repeated weakly.

"I certainly did. Since I wasn't sure what you would have preferred to get, and since this was a surprise …" Platina frowned a little, stepping slightly further back. "Is something the matter?"

"No!" he said hastily. "But Platina, you didn't have to get me all these things. You didn't have to get me anything, even, since there's more to Valentine's Day than buying all the things. No matter what consumerism tries to convince everybody." He tugged a bit at his striped scarf, feeling awkward. "I probably should've told you more about how people usually celebrate today. Sorry."

She glanced to the side briefly. "I suppose this was a rather silly thing to do … I'm sorry, Pearl. I only wanted to find something to show you how much I care."

"… That's fair," he conceded. He rubbed at the back of his head, further transforming his hair into a tussled blond mop. "Although that makes me feel kind of bad about the present I got for you."

"You have a gift for me?" Her eyes lit up, and he felt a light tingling in his chest that had almost nothing to do with the chill.

"I sure do." He pulled a festive-looking card from his coat pocket, and she took it curiously. "Yeah, sorry again."

Platina's eyes skimmed over the flowing writing that greeted her on the outside, and she flipped it open to see Pearl's less elegant writing within, facing a red heart made of lace. A tiny candy bar lay nestled there, its bright holiday wrapping flashing briefly as her grip on the card shifted.

"Because girls like hearts and chocolate," he explained sheepishly. "Or so I heard."

She smiled up at him. "It's perfect, Pearl. Thank you."

She gave him a gentle hug which he returned, feeling both content and grateful that she hadn't laughed at him for such a paltry offering.

"I still want to give you everything the store offered, though," she insisted, patting him tentatively on the back. "It is certainly the thought that counts, but since I think that you should have it all, I believe that I am justified in giving it."

"Yeah, well, okay," he said with an overdramatic sigh. "Thanks for all of those things … although I still don't know just what I can do with that huge mountain of stuff."

"But that is easy!" she said with a light laugh. "You can enjoy it as a mountain that is even grander and greater! This is only the first shipment after all."

A sparkling semitruck loomed into view over her shoulder, and his eyes bugged out at the sight. "WHAT?"

*​

Coming up next: RukarioShipping.

 

[Fruty Sheep]

Wow! I didn't imagine that someone could write all this! Love... a feeling from all forms and colours... Please, keep impressing me, maybe I can learn a thing or two from you.

 

[SugarPesticide]

Let's try to ease our way back in with my shortest one yet. I am also now accepting suggestions for pairings!

*​

RukarioShipping // Cynthia & Riley // G

"It's your fault," he stated plainly. "It's your fault he's dead."

She didn't answer. Staring out the rain-streaked window, fondling the silvery throw pillow beside her on the couch, she kept her lips firmly pushed together.

"I know what you were thinking. You wanted to be sure that he could prove himself."

A slight hitch of breath broke her silence. She bit her tongue, willing herself not to make any more slips.

"He was only thirteen, Cynthia. He could have proved himself at any other time ... wasn't that the point of his gym challenge? Wouldn't it have made more sense to let him stand on the sidelines? He'd have learned the lesson all the same, but more safely. There'd be less chance of getting caught in the crossfire that way, you know."

"I do know!" she shrieked suddenly, swiveling around and slamming the pillow in his face. "I know it was all my fault, Riley! Don't you think I know that? I made a mistake, and he paid the price for it, and now I feel like a manipulative little ... I just want to go back in time and tell myself to step in and ... and ..."

Her sudden spurt of energy drained, she collapsed into a hunched sitting position, sobbing.

His expression softened, and he put his arms around her. "Look," he said. "You know you're cared for. I love you, the public loves you, even the Elite Four loves you. But that doesn't mean they should jump off a cliff if you tell them to. You're the most powerful trainer in the region, and they expect you to solve their most difficult problems. Not pawn them off to a kid."

"I know." She sniffed. "I'm not sure why I did that. It just seemed like ... the right thing to do, somehow."

"The right way isn't always the best way." He brushed wayward strands of blond hair out of her face. "What will you tell the reporters?"

"I'll think of something," she murmured, melting into his embrace. "I have to."

"And I'll help you. But for now, just stay with me."

They sat like that for a long time. Outside, despite the whir of insistent helicopters, the rain poured on.

*​

Coming up next: FeelingShipping.

 

[SugarPesticide]

FeelingShipping // Green & Yellow // PG-13

The hot summer sun was approaching its zenith, but Yellow felt no desire to be up and about. Rather, she lay in the shade of a great oak tree, leaning into its rough trunk at such an angle as to lull her into a delicious state of half-dreaming. At her side lay Chuchu, curled up into a ball of sunny yellow fur. Fingers roamed across the electric mouse’s head in a practiced manner, stroking long ears absently.

The gently lapping waters of the nearby lake created a soft rhythm, and she smiled slightly at the sound. Sometimes it was good to get away from it all and retreat back to nature. Birdsong echoing through the trees brought her back to memories of her childhood and the familiar cadences of Pokémon’s footsteps lumbering through Viridian Forest, back before all of her wild adventures began … before the Pokedexes.

Not to say she resented those marvelous machines. It was true that she’d seen more violence than she would have liked to, especially at her young age; but she’d also gotten the opportunity to meet other children, now her closest friends. Red, Green and Blue … all so much older and wiser than her, not to mention so good-looking, even — dare she think it? — attractive. How exactly she fit into their wonderful picture was still a mystery even now, but she wasn’t about to go look a gift horse in the mouth. All she could hope to do was be the best friend she could be, and everything else would fall into place.

A light splashing noise pulled from her sleepy rest. Opening her eyes, she looked about the forest to see what was out of place, but aside from the ripples blossoming across the surface of the lake, nothing had changed. All was peaceful.

Yet suspicion clouded her expression, and she kept her eyes peeled for anything odd. How had something slipped into the water without her noticing it? Had she really been that tired? She pressed herself further against the oak’s trunk, trying to make herself invisible.

Something sleek erupted from the lake, a fair ways off from the shore. She couldn’t quite tell at this distance, but it seemed from the shape that it might be human. Sunlight glinted off its wet body, and her eyes had barely gotten used to the brightness when it dived back down into the water.

The disappearing spikes of dirty blond hair sparked a familiar chord in her, and she leaned forward slightly, wondering to herself. “Green?”

An arm burst from the surface, pulling in her direction as its twin followed suit. Slowly Green made his way back toward land with deep, powerful strokes. Every splash of skin against water rippled in her ears, as if they were right next to each other.

As if in a trance, she watched his steady approach for a while, until it suddenly occurred to her that she was staring. She also hadn’t seen any trace of clothing on him. Face flushed, she got up and slunk around to the other side of the tree, hoping against hope she hadn’t seen her.

“Yellow? Is that you?”

Footsteps approached. She squeezed her eyes shut, wishing that she were somewhere else and trying to keep her imagination from wandering off in lewd directions.

Something squeaked in curiosity, and a furry digit poked her side. Risking a glance, she caught sight of a now fully awake Chuchu, looking at her agitated mistress with concern. Glad though she was to see a familiar face, she saw with dismay that the Pikachu was making no attempt to hide herself from the newcomer.

“Yellow?” Green’s head poked out from around the tree.

“Ah!” She hastily hid her face with her wide hat. “I-I wasn’t staring, honest! I didn’t even know you were here! Hi, Green!” She peeked just over the top, careful to look no lower than his face.

“Did I bother you?” he asked. “I know I’m due elsewhere, but I couldn’t help myself. It’s the perfect day for a swim. What are you doing here?”

“Just hanging out.” She dared to lower the hat a little, just enough that she could see his shoulders. “So … do you know where we are? I’m kind of lost.”

“Lost?” He frowned. “You looked pretty relaxed for somebody who’s lost. Well, relaxed before now, I mean.”

“I get lost all the time,” she said casually. “I’ve gotten used to it.”

There was an awkward silence. Chuchu glanced from one human to the other, wondering if there were something she was missing.

Finally Yellow plucked up the courage to speak again. “Where are your Pokemon?”

“With my clothes. I don’t want to end up having to walk back home in just this thing.”

Cautiously she moved her hat out of the way, revealing that he was indeed clad in swimming trunks. Relief and disappointment mingled within her as she replaced the accessory onto her head. “Oh.”

“What, did you think that I …” He raised an eyebrow. “Yellow, you have a filthy mind. Why would I swim in the nude? Red might, but he’s not exactly the brightest bulb in the box.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. You didn’t run away screaming, and that’s almost flattery.” He smiled, and after his previously cool demeanor it was rather surprising. “You can stay if you want, it won’t bother me.”

“Okay.”

She got to her feet, and suddenly he seemed close. Too close. Their height differences hadn’t bothered her before, but now it was nearly overwhelming. The top of her head barely reached his collarbone, and this close it was easy to see that his muscles were better toned than his clothed form had suggested. She could reach out and touch his chest, right now. Her breath caught.

“Well,” he said awkwardly, “I’m going to go do a few more laps. So I’ll just let you go, then.”

She smiled as his back turned to face her, tall and wetly shining. He hadn’t said not to stare, had he? He wouldn’t mind if she kept on doing just that. And he’d give her something to watch. He was so tall, and he had a cute butt. How had she not noticed that before?

The sun made its way towards the west as she sat back in her original spot, eyes fixed on the figure walking to the lake.

*​

Coming up next: Shedinja/Sylveon.

 

[ChloboShoka]

Happy to see this is still going. I also prefer obscure pairings too, the fanbase is a lot more peaceful and because it's so obscure we can be a lot of adventurous. Your other ones are just as good and I think my favourite one is the Rukario one because I felt there was a real connection for me. The feelingshipping drabble was also something I enjoyed reading because it reminded me of my holiday to the Lake District. Since you're open to pairing suggestions, I'm really curious about how you would write a pendragonshipping fic.

 

[SugarPesticide]

I have no excuse.

*​

Shedinja & Sylveon // PG

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Canida, there lived two wise boyfriends who ruled over all they could see.

"Not a very impressive claim from someone who's blind, I've got to say."

The elder dwelt in the shadows, from which he could see the darkness in the hearts of his subjects.

"My objects, on the other hand, were a complete mystery."

He used his ghostly powers to draw upon their fears and anxieties, keeping himself in that strange area between life and death.

"So I was part of the paparazzi, then?"

In general, he was a massive grouch.

"I take offense to that. I am hardly massive."

The younger, on the other hand, was a creature of light through and through. He was always happy to romp and frolic with the other Pokemon. When they needed someone to talk to, there he was, ready and willing to lend an ear.

"Oh good, you're described for only three lines and this thing is already beating me over the head who we're supposed to sympathize with. Stop holding our hands, Silver."

You don't have hands.

"It's way too late for you to start being literal."

Let me talk. One day, the elder got tired of having to suffer the consequences of his own antisociality. Jealous of their subjects for stealing the younger's much-desired attention, he confronted him in a blast of fury and farts.

"Frankly, I don't find that funny."

The younger protested his innocence, but the elder would hear none of it. He turned his back upon his hapless friend, forcing him to gaze upon the horrible blemish in the face of reality warped reality that scarred his back … and there was the soul-sucking void too, I guess.

"You get acne one time and you never hear the end of it, I swear to Arceus …"

But that void was quite important! For the younger found himself sucked into the nothingness, and not in a sexy way either.

"What does that even mean?"

His body was a soulless shell! So his spirit fought to free itself from the elder's huge confines of the body that trapped him like a caged bird that was missing a wing and a few marbles, I don't know.

"It looks like you're wrestling with an uncomfortable truth. Would you like some help?"

So they wrestled within that body, and the younger's valiant struggles inspired awe in all who beheld them. When he finally freed himself, he was at the point of passing judgment on his sadly estranged friend, when suddenly an unbiased third party decided to intervene and prevent rightful punishment from being —

"No. That is not how it happened. Stop that. Let me take over."

Wait, what? I wasn't done! Brian, let me —

*​

"— finish … oh darn it."

All right. Two Pokemon had issues. I'm not going to whitewash anyone here. But it was a fact that one of them had fewer issues than the other.

"Ha, you're right. I'm pretty magnificent that way."

I wasn't talking about you. Does everything honestly have to revolve around you and your giant ribbons?

"It doesn't, but that doesn't mean I can't have good self-esteem."

The Sylveon's issues went far deeper than simple self-esteem. He chattered to everyone he met, and even to many who he hadn't met. Trying to figure that puzzle out was a one-way ticket to a land of misery and migraines.

"At least I actually talk to people!"

In contrast, his more intelligent acquaintance, the Shedinja, preferred to think in seclusion. He would reflect on the meaning of life, in ways that only a ghost-type could. After all, does a fish have a solid grasp on the nature of water?

"Do you mean those boring ordinary fish, or someone like Gil from accounting? Because he sure whupped my butt at his nerd chess game thing, and I don't think Gyarados are supposed to do that."

Stop with the tangents.

"But you haven't given me a sine."

… One day, the patient Shedinja could take no more. He told the Sylveon that there was more to life than making friends, and that if the Sylveon wanted to be irresponsible, he might as well leave.

"If those grapes were any more sour, they'd be lemons."

The Sylveon threw a hissy fit. In response, the Shedinja turned and made to retreat, hoping for everything to settle itself. But the Sylveon was glaring so intently at his back that, even despite his sightless eyes, he managed to let his soul get stuck in his acquaintance's insides.

"And you kind of let yourself go as far as internal cleaning went. Just saying."

Exasperated at the Sylveon's foolishness, the Shedinja prepared to return him to his body. But the Sylveon refused to be calm in that situation, resulting in the dignified bug thrashing around in front of the entourage of Pokemon who happened to be passing by.

"They were there to cheer me on. You're just jealous."

Eventually, the Sylveon was sent back to normal. But his brattiness quota hadn't been filled yet, so he crouched in an attacking stance. Luckily, a Pokemon separated the two and told them to —

"I wasn't attacking! I was getting revenge!"

How is that any different?

"You sucked out my soul!"

You looked into my back!

"But I'm blind!"

I know. I'm still not entirely sure how you managed to do that.

"I don't know. I was just a little irritated that you were telling me off for whatever."

I wouldn't have told you off if you hadn't insisted on doing your own thing all the time.

"... What are you saying?"

I'm saying … I guess I'm saying that I wanted you to stop ignoring me. We have responsibilities, don't we? We need to set an example for everyone else, not give them a reason to stop respecting us. And even I can't do things on my own.

"You could've just come out and joined us. You know everyone else barely knows you exist, right? You hide away in your little cave of shame all the time. But you were always welcome to hang out with all of us."

But I don't know them as well as I know you.

"That's why you talk to them."

Fair point. I should have stopped being jealous that they were distracting you from being around me.

"You should have, yeah … But then again, I should have thought about how I was leaving you all alone. I was so excited to get to know all these Pokemon that I forgot that you were less comfortable with the attention."

We need to learn how to communicate better.

"Yes we do. But right now, we're fixing this. Forgive me?"

Only if you can forgive me.

"Aw, you're adorable when you try to blush."

*​

"I'm glad that worked out," the third Pokemon said. "Now kiss."

Silver and Brian gave her a disbelieving look. "Why?"

"Because this is about romance," she reminded them.

The two glanced at each other. Then they turned their eyes back to her. "Can't you just accept that we're dating and live with that?" asked Brian, a little defensively.

"Yeah," Silver agreed. "And Brian wouldn't want an audience anyway. Why is so important to you?"

The mysterious Pokemon smoothed out her white dress with tense hands. "Let's just say I'm trying to fix something a little bigger than your bickering …"

*​

Coming up next: BabyAuraBoltShipping.

 

[Privilege]

I'm really surprised by the amount of pairings you've already incorporated. I really liked reading the IkariShipping one!

 

[SugarPesticide]

BabyAuraBoltShipping // Riolu & Pichu // G

"I don't know," the Riolu said. "This seems like a bad idea no matter how you look at it."

The Pichu wrenched his gaze away from the shimmering portal to give his partner a wry look. "Do tell."

"I'm not going to pretend to know even a quarter of this math mumbo-jumbo," the Riolu went on, throwing a disparaging glance at a table strewn with notes. "But from what I can tell, there's more than one universe out there … is that how it goes? And basically you're tunneling through the fabric of reality to get to someplace where the rules might be totally different."

"We're tunneling through the fabric of reality. You're just as responsible for this as I am, Anput."

She crossed her arms. "That won't make it any nicer when the multiverse starts unraveling."

"It won't do that," he assured her. "The worst that'll happen is a reverse butterfly effect. Some anomaly that happens in the present will affect the past, which will affect the present. But we won't remember whether anything's different, so no harm done. Ready?"

Her reluctant face spoke volumes.

"Well, I guess history will only remember that I, Jupiter, was part of this incredible advancement in the name of SCIENCE! Now stand back, I can't promise there won't be explosions."

With an almighty leap, he grasped the lever above him and let gravity pull them down.

A portal flickered to life within the circular gate connected to towers of complicated machinery. Blue light flickered in eerie patterns, bright enough to make both Pokemon squeeze their eyes shut. For Anput, though, this was no relief: the bursts of otherworldly aura bypassed her mundane senses entirely, splashing brilliant colors across her mind's eye. She gritted her teeth—

"Look!" Jupiter exclaimed. Anput blinked, slowly realizing that the portal's energy output had reduced to merely dangerous. "I think I see something!"

The two edged toward the portal. If they didn't look too closely, they could see a shadow flicker within; looking head-on, however, they could see nothing of the sort.

"I don't like this," Anput said unnecessarily. "Maybe we should just—"

"Shh! I think I hear something."

They were within arm's reach of the light show now. The power coming off of it would be obvious to even someone who couldn't sense aura: fur stood up on end, making both the little Pokemon look like snuggly puffballs. The air tingled with energy and the boundless vastness and potential of a billion billion universes.

So, naturally, Jupiter reached up and stuck his paw into it.

"Hey!"

"Hey!"

It took Anput a moment of staving off a heart attack to take stock of the situation. Jupiter was … tapping something on the other side? Something soft, and fuzzy … and yellow?

"There's someone there!" It was Jupiter's voice, but it was coming from the portal. "He must be pretty awesome, fist-bumping someone from another dimension!"

"You can say that again!" said Jupiter. "Anput thought this would all explode in our faces, but this is a pretty satisfactory first contact."

Anput looked closer. There, partially obscured by wafting clouds of electricity, stood the mirror image of Jupiter. Her eyes flicked to over the not-Jupiter's shoulder, and she blinked — there, staring back at her, was herself.

"Your universe looks a lot like ours," Not-Jupiter noticed. "Except … you're left-handed. Weird."

"Jupiter," said Not-Anput, clutching his arm, "we should stop this. They could be horrible creatures masquerading as us."

"Nah. That only happens in bad science fiction. We've evolved past that stage."

After a moment of seeming curiosity, Jupiter shook himself. "Well, uh, it's been great meeting you guys, but this isn't divergent enough of a universe to document. No offense."

"No worries, man. Write down our coordinates, though, 'kay? We should come back to each other later."

"Check that." Jupiter glanced at the number display blinking above the portal, scribbling down the digits. "Catch you later." And the figures in the portal vanished with the push of a button.

Anput eyed him suspiciously. "I thought you'd jump at the chance to observe this kind of thing?"

He shifted. "I'm, um, exploring. Because when we put a man on the moon, we didn't drill to the core before heading off to Mars, did we?"

"The Mars landing was a hoax, Jupiter."

"Skeptic." He tapped a few more buttons. "Let's see how this one looks …"

The portal flickered back to life. They peered into the fog, and soon two shapes resolved themselves in the gloom — a sparkly gold Pichu and an equally gold Riolu, nervously holding hands.

"Nope," said Jupiter. "Uh …"

The scene dissolved into static, then resolved itself anew. There stood another Pichu, conspicuously alone … and yet clutching a locket around his neck, as if it was his anchor to his reality.

"Guh." Jupiter wiped the scene again.

This time, Anput squinted at their mirror selves. Something was off about them …

Not-Jupiter made to dismiss the sight of them, but she was stopped by a light thwack to the back. Not-Anput pulled his paw back, looking just as exasperated as Anput felt. "Not this time," Not-Anput said, hands on his hips. "You're starting to weird me out, Juno."

Jupiter tried to change the channel.

"Other Me has a point, Jupiter," Anput cut in, swatting his little fingers away from the controls. "This is too unscientific of you."

Both Pichu shuffled awkwardly. "Yeah, well …" they both stammered.

"Come on," said Not-Anput. "Spit it out."

Juno bit her lip. "New Bus, I just …" Her tail brushed his leg, as if to assure herself that he was still there. "They don't seem to like each other."

Anput cast a sideways look at Jupiter. He winced.

"C'mon, Juno. Not every version of us is going to be a thing." New Bus smiled apologetically at a stunned Anput. "Hey, do we need to take a break? I have to talk to this one."

"Uh, yeah." She watched as the portal went back to static. Then she sighed. "Jupiter, was this all an elaborate setup to ask me out?"

"No!" he nearly shouted. Then he caught himself. "I … I just didn't think every other universe had us like that. I wouldn't have … asked you …"

"Hmm. We'll talk about this later." Then she smiled. "Maybe we should test your hypothesis. If more than ninety percent of these universes have us as a couple …"

He brightened. "That sounds like something we should look into! … If it doesn't weird you out, I mean."

"Maybe, maybe not. Won't know until we try, right?"

And the research continued.

*​

Coming up next: HyperShipping.

 

[SugarPesticide]

HyperShipping // Barry & Bianca // PG

"I swear to Arceus this isn't what it looks like," Barry babbled.

There was a second of silence. Then Palmer raised a single eyebrow. "Oh yeah?"

Barry gulped. He looked around the vast subterranean cavern, at the faceless golems shuffling about on their eternal rounds. He looked at the thick cables that bound him and the girl together, pulling them across the high ceiling to an inexplicably placed series of chopping and whirling blades. "... Okay, so it's exactly what it looks like."

His father grinned. "That doesn't really tell me anything." He easily shifted his grip on his Rhyperior, which was scaling along the ceiling to keep up. "Who's this?"

The girl waved, or at least tried to. "I'm Bianca! You must be Palmer. Barry's told me so much about you."

"Has he?" He eyed Barry, who scowled in a why-did-I-tell-a-girl-about-my-dad sort of way.

"Yeah! He said you wouldn't understand."

"Mhm. And what are you referring to?"

"Nothing!" Barry blurted. "You're too old for this stuff."

Palmer cast Bianca a knowledgeable look. "What my kid doesn't know is that in the '80s, on New Year's Eve, I had to explain to my parents about why I dangling from the roof of a fancy casino, wearing only the bits of the wedding cake I'd burst out of, drunk out of my gourd and making out with … well, you don't need to know that bit. So I think I can handle whatever this is."

Bianca guffawed. Barry looked appropriately horrified.

"So …" Palmer gestured dramatically, not inconvenienced by briefly hanging by one arm over a hundred-foot drop. "Spill."

Gulping again, Barry looked down at the monotonous golems, then ahead to their approaching doom. "Shouldn't you be saving us from getting carved up like chickens?"

"That's a good point. Rhyperior!"

The rhino bellowed, and then — without missing a beat — seized the captive tweens and tunneled straight up, snapping the constricting cable with ease. They would have yelled in surprise, but dirt was getting everywhere and they could barely breathe as it was.

Next thing Barry knew, he was lying under an open sky, gasping for breath. Beside him, Bianca seemed to be doing much of the same. Barry swore, then and there, never to so much as set foot in a basement again.

A shadow fell across them. Palmer grinned. "Well?"

Barry sat up, then regretted it. He nursed the bump on his head, gently scratching it through untidy blond hair. "It was …" He exhaled through his nose. "Okay. It was a date."

"A date?" Palmer glanced down the hole they'd just made, through which they could faintly hear the sound of golems milling around in a panic. Then he took in their various cuts and bruises. "... I've had worse."

"It was my fault." Bianca propped herself up on her elbows. "We should've gone somewhere normal, but I was so interested in going somewhere exciting …"

Barry shook his head. "I brought up the Caverns of Doom, so it's my fault."

"But I was lollygagging around in the sparkly tunnels until it was dark, so it's my fault."

"But I was the one who got us lost, so it's my fault."

"But I thought we were going to die and started freaking out and drew attention to us, so it's my fault."

"But I was punching the mud guys and ticking them off, so it's my fault."

"That sounds about right."

"Argh!"

"It seems to me," Palmer said sternly, prompting both of them to look up, "that you needed to plan ahead before going through with this date thing. Next time, bring a Pokemon. They tend to be helpful in life-or-death stuff." Then he snickered. "And they probably won't care if you start making out."

"Dad!"

"We weren't going to do that!" Bianca protested. "Not in a dark, spooky cave where we could've died!" She glanced at Barry, almost shyly. "... and we're twelve."

Barry swallowed his indignation. "Maybe we should've gone on a double date or something," he admitted, a little thoughtful. "Paul does those all the time. He likes spelunking, right?"

"Yeah!" Lighting up, Bianca thought about it. "And the ground gym leader in Unova … I think he does, too!"

The two looked at each other, gears turning.

"Uh." Palmer's brow furrowed. "I don't think—"

But they had already taken off, ready to put some unspoken plan in commotion. Laughter trailed behind them like ribbons, twisting in the air amidst the sparse trees.

"... that that's a good idea." Then he looked to Rhyperior. Gradually, he managed a shrug. "But it sure sounds fun."

Rhyperior could only bury his face in his hands.

*​

Coming up next: ObliviaShipping.

 

[ChloboShoka]

Reading these makes me think of so many other pairings I want you to try out but I'm looking forward to the next chapter with a different pairing. I really enjoyed the hypershipping one because I feel as if these really represented their characters well.