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Purge (One-shot)

blackemerald

Well-Known Member
Hello! If you perhaps manage to stumble upon this by accident or just sheer randomness, then let me welcome you to my first attempt at a one-shot. It's set in the sevii islands, which has now been overun with an army of shadow pokemon. This isn't particually long so if you don't like that, I bid thee farewell. Anyways, Enjoy!

Purge​


Time was running out. Go, go. I pushed my body to its very limits to secure I arrived at my destination. Below me, the grass was cascading into elegant swirls thwarting me from keeping track of the ground troops. Peach petals from nearby flowers ascended upwards through the speed I had created, darting themselves at me. They didn’t come close.

Instead the flow of air created an impenetrable shield, whipping the petals into the rays of the illustrious sun, swaying and twirling before resting on the blades of the scorched grass. Torrents of shimmering water geysered from the calm streams, bouncing effortlessly of the craggy rocks. The sound of flapping wings reached my ears.

Instinctively I dived into the depths of the waters, my reflection being cast throughout. At first my vision was disoriented, sharp daggers of ice pounding against my skin. My legs cried of relief as I released them from their crammed position. Salt and rushing waves swept passed my face, robbing me of the view above. Normal ripples in the water were magnified to increasing magnitudes of power. The lake shook in fear, trembling from the sound waves produced.

Almost immediately, my body was stunned by the barrage of pressure inflicted on my fur. A dizzy feeling took control, seizing my psychic power and disabling them. Bubbles came floating out of my mouth. The frigid ice rendered my wings useless. It was as if the creek were a monster that hated me and would never let me go.

I was slammed into rocks and swept me on before I could get hold of the cold, smooth surfaces. And in a few minutes, I was going to be too weak to keep her head above water. My brain turned numb from the increasing pain of the glacial spears. My time would be at an end if I didn’t emerge from this icy torment. My brain was suffocating, unable to function. I could not draw breath, every part of me being compressed almost pass my endurance.

I thought my demise was near; I might die under this merciless prison before the invisible bands restraining me seemed to burst open, finding myself in cool sparkling sands, breathing in lungfuls of fresh, salty air. The blinding, white sand stretched for what seemed like forever. Silver spheres illuminated themselves, flashing wildly. A beam of satin white blasted through the sky, breaking the clumps of clouds gathered. A light, chilly breeze ruffled my fur.

Before me stood a capacious temple. Its golden brown texture was disintegrating under the immense force of the universal power concealed inside. A radiant purple glow basked the island, trapping me in its enigmatical prison.

An angelic feeling cleansed my insides of any worries. As if my horizons had expanded almost to infinity in an instant. As if I’d discovered a new dimension. As if there were no limits or obstacles. I felt… free. As if on cue, rainbow beams locked together in an effort to shatter this heavenly state. Glints of purity floated elegantly towards me, leaving an icy fury on my dew.

Enraged, I let my inner emotions rise to the surface, letting loose a blinding sphere of glistening light from my body. The past scenery had returned, the mysterious realm gone. Two Dewgong lay in a peaceful state, wispy shadows gliding along the breeze of the air.

These two had obviously been contaminated by my foes. My luster purge had released the spirits that gripped their souls. I knew they were near, locking on to my co-ordinates. I was nearly at my goal, close to ending this war. Without thought I sped inside the temple.

That same feeling was in here, peeking and spying whoever intruded these holy grounds. A portal was in the middle, sucking in the withered sands. My heart skipped, fear taking over. I had to make the ultimate sacrifice for the welfare of my people. “ENXO FALGO!”

The ancient carvings on the wall sprang to life, homing in on my life readings. Even though they had no faces, I could tell they were burdened with sadness. I could not read them, for they were in a foreign language.

Slowly, they gathered. The hole expanded, feeding these creatures with unparallel power. Circling me, a blue glow emitted from their bodies. The process was working. I could only hope their leader was being purged at this very moment. Their velocity increased, creating a barrier of wind to trap me. My life was ebbing away. I could not take this world anymore, and the black enigmas unleashed their full fury upon my body. My last thought was of my sister, but she could cope. I shut his eyes, waiting for them to consume him. Death would be my escape.

~B.E
 
R

~*Ratiosu*~

Guest
Very good. Length was a little on the short side but you make up for it with your amazing description. Was it a Latios (as they are the only Pokemon who learn Luster Purge). That's what brought me to this; I knew Latios had Luster Purge and saw the PURGE in the title.
 

blackemerald

Well-Known Member
Thanks, Ratiosu. Yes, it was a Latios in this, lots of hints in this. There was another 'legendary' in here, though. I'm glad you liked my description as I regulaly don't write like this, describing everything I happen to see. Short, snappy sentences for me. Thanks for the review!

~B.E
 
R

~*Ratiosu*~

Guest
The 'legendary' was Unown, correct? You're welcome for the review...

Since you wrote a fic called Deciever, and I wrote one named the same thing about a Mawile, it confuses me sometimes when I see the latest post thing in the overview ^_^;;
 

katiekitten

The Compromise
This was really good, blackemerald! The description was great, I loved how you described the move. I think I will read Deciever at some point...
 

Saffire Persian

Now you see me...
o.o This was actually a very, very cool one-shot you have here. Luster Purge, eh? Nice idea, and I like how you portray the Unown as mysterious... they fascinated the 'frell' out of me like very few other Pokémon do. ^_^ You have quite a way with language, and you use it well.

Nice job.
 

Sike Saner

Peace to the Mountain
Fwee, nifty. Chaotic, yet elegant at the same time. Very lovely descriptions, and an ingenious use both for the Luster Purge move and the Unown. Latios is a Pokémon I always take interest in seeing, and I must say, you did him justice. ^^

Highlight:

An angelic feeling cleansed my insides of any worries. As if my horizons had expanded almost to infinity in an instant. As if I’d discovered a new dimension. As if there were no limits or obstacles. I felt… free.
 

IceKing

Sexorific!
Hey I was about to read Deciever when I realized I didn't have enough time so I'm going to review this one shot as consolation ^^


Unfortunately, I do not know too much about the third generation, so I really didn't have the best background information to understand this one shot fully. Personally, I think you should have done this in third person rather than first because while I see the advantages of first, I just think it would suit your style to have written it in third. Well actually no scratch that, too much would have been taken away if you put it in third person but you might wanna improve your 1st person writing at times...I don't know exactly but at some places it felt rather...off. I loved the scene when he was drowning in the sea. The icy binds and other figurative language were perfect. This one shot is very deep, a bit too deep for my understanding. Im guessing the final scene had some metaphors in it. What exactly does luster purge mean because I wasn't too sure what he was trying to accomplish? Also, the only other flaw I felt was the pacing which I thought was going a bit too fast, even when I read it slowly (I read it three times).

Overall, nice job, though it could use over improvement, but that coudl be my lack of background talking.

3.5/5
 

blackemerald

Well-Known Member
katiekitten: One of my doubts was that the description for luster purge was too bland so I hoped it lived up to your expectations. And as they say, the more the merrier...

Saffire persian: Yes, I too find the Unown mysterious as I wonder how they got their shapes. It was also being left out, so I took pity unto it. Poor Unown...

Sike Saner: I wouldn't really label this as chaotic, just sheer creulty to the Latios. The use of Luster Purge in this might explain why it won't work on dark pokemon, having dweled to deeply onto the route of darkness or something like that.

Damn zigzagoon: Thanks! It is weird that you would describe this as poetic since I despise all forms of poetry.

Iceking: Don't worry. Take your time in reviewing, and don't notice the swinging axe behind you... I did find that it was a bit awkard in places but hopefully I'll improve on that. The pace was very fast as I wanted whoever experienced this to feel that they were the latios, and he was going pretty fast throught the story.

In case you get confused, here are the descriptions for the Luster purges:

Normal: A 70 power attack with a burst of light that may lower sp.def
Mine: A blinding light that removes weak or moderate evil from a being

By calling on the power of the Unown Latios hoped to remove the land of all evil in one blast.
 
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