Rainbow Skye: A Hoenn Legacy

[ShadowCloud62]

The title....is stupid.
I am aware of that. I am in need of reviews, though, so....ah, whatever, let me just get to the stupid point.

Rainbow Skye: A Hoenn Legacy

By ShadowCloud62 (whatever)

Prologue

A group of Swellow squawked the morning chorus as the sun began to rise in the horizon. The sky changed slowly from a dark violet hue to a beautiful vermilion sky.

The pokemon of Route 101 were just awakening, some falling off the autumn hued trees and onto the browning grass. Just beyond a weeping willow was a wooden sign hammered deeply into the ground. The sign screamed, 'LITTLEROOT TOWN' and in smaller lettering below it, 'Just ahead'.

Indeed, as soon as a traveler would look up, they'd see the homely, quaint, quiet community of Littleroot. The morning was a great time to show up there. The red roofed houses were aligned in one long strip across the town, the window shades were pulled down and the only sound would be the twittering of Taillow, or the morning chorus of the Swellow. The Pokemon Lab across the way was in the same quiet state as the houses, and the flowers in everyone's garden were sprinkled with morning dew. The vermilion color of the sky would add a slightly romantic theme to Littleroot, and that made it a charming place to be, a charming place to live.

The first noise Skye heard was the twittering of the Taillow by her slightly open window. Her dark blue eyes fluttered open, and she smiled as soon as she heard the Taillow twitter. Taking a moment to wake up her mind, she sat up and stretched like a cat under her blanket. Skye slowly rose from her bed, and rubbed her still sleepy eyes as she began her daily morning trip to the bathroom.

Sure, today was a Monday, one of Skye's most unfavorite days of the week. Turning the brass knob, Skye managed to enter the bathroom. Apparently her mother finally fixed the jammed lock.

Skye took a deep breath and stripped of her pajamas, and stepped into the shower. She stood up tall, and reached for the faucet.

The water that came cascading down her body was not the setting she wanted it to be.

Leaping out of the shower, Skye wrapped a towel around her and screamed, "MOM!"

After five seconds Skye noticed her mother frantically enter the bathroom, "What is it, honey?" she asked.

Skye noticed the cooking apron around her mother's waist, and she said knowingly, "Were you washing the dishes with hot water?"

"Yes--oh, I'm so sorry, dear! Oh, my....I must've used up all the hot water....I'm sorry, honey!!! Can't you skip your morning shower? You clean yourself every day, why not skip at least a day?"

"Mother, I would like to be clean everyday." Skye said irritably.

Her mother sighed in surrender, "All right, then. Why don't you go to Tiana's house next door and ask to use their shower? I hate waking them up so early, but if you must take your shower...." she trailed off as Skye darted to her room.

Skye grabbed the cordless phone and and began to dial....until she heard someone's voice on her receiver.

"Hello, this the Pichu Electrical Line, your bill is overdue by two days. If you do not pay the bill in two weeks, your phone line will be disconnected. Now please continue with your call."

Skye rolled her eyes and started dialing again. After two rings, she heard a sleepy voice say, "Hello?"

"Tiana, it's Skye, can I use your shower?"

"Your mom used all the hot water again?" Tiana suddenly sounded awake.

"Yeah...so can I use your shower?"

"Fine, no prob. Just don't take too long."

Skye hung up and put on a bath robe. Man, this was humiliating.

She raced out yelling, "I'll be back, Mom!"

It wasn't difficult to get to Tiana's, it was just across the way.

Skye began her venture, but then heard a growl behind her.

Turning, Skye screamed as something lunged at her.





The prologue sucked....I know. Chapter one will tell you what the heck it was that lunged at the heroine...

 

[Pinecone Tortoise]

Oh, wow! I like this! Heh, you've got such a lovely little setting there - it's gorgeous! In just this one little prologue, you've really captured something that takes ages to construct or is simply forgotten - ATMOSPHERE!!! ^^ Awesome. Littleroot now reminds me of that quaint little town up in the mountains that shone so beautifully in the morning sun - and the people there sound great. I mean, I have a little trouble fathoming a mother figure that doesn't insist on their child washing everyday, but the whole FEEL of the place and people is fantastic. ^^ Please excuse the gushing prattle.

You've avoided simply stating things and showing them instead - IMO, that's a wonderful skill. The electrical bill and running out of hot water really kinda summarise the slightly bumbling place so precisely and the fact that Skye could go over to Tiana's really helps to show a sort of community.

Yah... I could blather on now, but I'll leave it. IMO, this is an excellent start - keep up the good work and I wish you good luck and fun with the future chapters!

Piney.
;204;;324;

 

[Timid Kyogre]

You just made my day, I've been reviewing horrible fics the whole day.

Actually, this is not bad at all...Good description, but try to make your chapters a bit of longer (I know that this is a prologue) but yeah...This isn't bad ^_^

The whole idea wasn't clear, but you already said that. Waiting for the next chapter, good luck!

~Timid Kyogre

 

[ShadowCloud62]

Okay, not bad....I honestly hated the prologue....
Anyways, chapter one...

Chapter One

Skye screamed as the thing lunged at her. Closing her eyes in horror, she braced herself for whatever pain she was about to feel, her nerves tensed up.

The pain never came.

Skye slowly opened her eyes and saw nothing in front of her. Then she felt a tug at her bathrobe.

Looking down, Skye yelped as she saw a tiny Mudkip, hanging onto her robe for it's dear life, sucking on the white cloth of the robe, leaving it's saliva on it. The Mudkip looked up at her with wide, curious black eyes, then let go of her robe and it plopped onto its tiny blue feet. The orange gills on the side of it's face pricked in curiosity, and the blue fin that stuck out on his head wiggled with interest. Suddenly, a smile appeared on the tiny pokemon's face, and it squealed, "Mudkip, mud!!!" and it leapt into Skye's arms.

"Whoa!" Skye said, taken back by the Mudkip's impact upon her bosom. Holding it, she looked at it and said, "You're a curious little guy, aren't ya?"

"Mudkip, mud!! Kip!!! Kip!" the Mudkip happily spoke.

Skye looked around him for a collar, or at least something that marked the pokemon, "Do you belong to someone, little guy? Are you lost?"

As if he understood her, the Mudkip's expression saddened, "Mud..." it said sadly, it's black eyes gleaming with tears.

Skye couldn't just let this guy go. It was too adorable, and she knew it had to belong to someone.

"I'm skipping my shower today," she said determinedly as she marched up to Tiana's house.

***

The violet-haired girl looked down at the Mudkip with narrowed hazel orbs, though her glasses made them look ten times larger. Thoughtfully, the girl named Tiana said, "It has to be a wild pokemon. Or maybe even abandoned."

"Abandoned?!" Skye looked down at the small little water pokemon chewing on it's own tail. Just the thought of abandoned pokemon made Skye want to open up a pokemon orphanage, even though she had no money of her own.

The girls sat on the peach colored carpet of Tiana's room. Skye had changed to one of Tiana's curve-hugging sundresses, a dark blue one, which brought out her midnight blue eyes. Tiana had even lent her a scrunchie so Skye could pin her mid-back length sandy blonde hair up.

"No one I know owns a Mudkip. There haven't been any missing posters on the trees or advertisements on videophones or mobiles....that's my only conclusion." Tiana said knowingly, taking out a can of Caterpie Cola and ripping off the lid, "Thirsty?" she held out the can.

Skye shook her head, and while Tiana chugged down the sugary beverage, she replied, "It's cute, T. I don't want to just let it go in the wild."

"But that's where most pokemon are happy to be! It's their natural environment!" Tiana finished half her soda in one gulp.

"But pokemon are also used as friends to pokemon trainers." Skye said, looking at the Mudkip.

Tiana looked in shock for a moment, then put her can down and leaned forward in her seat, her eyes suddenly as wide as cup saucers. Actually, ten cup saucers thanks to her huge glasses, "You are crazy." she said, "YOU?! Skye Devnee Willow?!"

"What?" Skye was confused.

"I can tell by the tone of your voice. Skye, you're not thinking of--legally making this Mudkip your own, are you?" Tiana asked in a hushed tone. Without waiting for an answer, she continued,

"Skye. The one who vowed to never become a pokemon trainer, she's actually willing to get a license and raise the Mudkip all your own?"

Skye stared at the Mudkip, then smiled a small smile and said nonchalantly, "Yeah, why not?"

"B--but you're fifteen!" Tiana sputtered, "You're way too old!"

"According to the laws of the Pokemon HQ, everyone ten or older can receive a license," Skye recited, "I am ten or older."

"But why? Just for a MUDKIP?!"

Skye hesitated. What came over her? This Mudkip, that's what. She felt like a mother all of a sudden, with this lost child. Who else was going to help him? But what about--?

"Yes, just for Cerberus." Skye shut out the last thought in her head by speaking directly to Tiana.

"Huh?"

"Well, he's gotta have a name, don't cha, little guy?" Skye reached forward and patted the Mudkip's head.

"Mud!" Mudkip said, closing it's eyes and raising his head just to feel Skye's hand upon his skin.

Tiana smiled in surrender, "Well...if that's what you want, then fine. But you don't do traveling....so what will you do?"

Skye shrugged, "Mom always said I should leave Littleroot. She always said it wasn't me. You know me, T, I'm free-spirited...unrestrained. Littleroot is just....too isolated. I need to go to a big city....travel, find myself. And I want to take Cerberus here with me, maybe I'll help him find his real owner."

Tiana nodded, "I understand where you're coming from, Skye. Maybe you should travel. Maybe you could even find your dad--sorry, Skye," she apologized automatically, "--I swear, I didn't mean to bring him up--!"

"It's fine," Skye shook her head, picking up the Mudkip named Cerberus and rising, "T, I gotta go. Professor Birch's lab just opened and I need to get a Pokedex."

Without saying goodbye, she left the house in a rush.








Okay, chapter one wasn't as good as the prologue, but it will get better. Now you know Skye's father is not in the picture, but why? And what about Skye never wanting to become a trainer? And what about Cerberus, the new Mudkip? Well, you need to keep reading to find out!!!!

 

[Pinecone Tortoise]

Hey!

Whoo! Glad to see that some of the gorgeous originality you showed in the Prologue has stayed around. Apart from the whole "I must adopt teh abandoned pokemon" theme, this method of getting a starter is fun and fresh. And at least you've pumped the standard "abandoned pokemon" plot device with the emotion and thought it deserves.

A few things I don't understand - why did Skye need to travel to take care of Mudkip? Don't a lot of people keep pokemon companions or pets? Why couldn't she just stay in Littleroot and let Mudkip be a sort of third member of the family? Also, why did she need a pokedex? Supposedly, all a person needs to be get a license is ten years old or older. What's the pokedex for? (If for travel and life as a trainer, that would come later, as with camping equipment and things like Antidotes and potions?)

What I also didn't like was the abruptness of the decision to become a trainer. And the "help the Mudkip" reason isn't enough to support such a major decision on its own. Still, you've hinted that Skye's got other reasons for leaving and that kinda shows that there's more depth to this story that the superficial "Save the Abandoned Pokemon!!!11!!2!". Hopefully, those reasons will surface or at least be explored a bit more in future chapters so the readers can properly see that you've got a believable character on your hands.

Anyway, this:

Looking down, Skye yelped as she saw a tiny Mudkip, hanging onto her robe for it's dear life, sucking on the white cloth of the robe, leaving it's saliva on it. The Mudkip looked up at her with wide, curious black eyes, then let go of her robe and it plopped onto its tiny blue feet. The orange gills on the side of it's face pricked in curiosity, and the blue fin that stuck out on his head wiggled with interest. Suddenly, a smile appeared on the tiny pokemon's face, and it squealed, "Mudkip, mud!!!" and it leapt into Skye's arms.

was a real highlight. I liked the way you didn't just describe what the Mudkip looked like, you described the way it looked while it was doing things. The little movements really give it depth and help to form an image of it in the reader's mind as an actual creature. Description like that, IMO, shows true SKILL!! So well done!

Also, the characterisation here is subtle, yet effective. Skye is starting to become a recognisable PERSON - much more than just a name! Tiana, too, is coming along nicely - despite a lack of screen time. Keep up this quality and extend it (or at least believability) to all the characters you come across and your story will probably take care of itself.

Overall, you've taken rather tragic cliche and pumped quality into it with a very admirable level of success for a young author. ^^ Congratulations. Just be careful not to follow TOO closely to cliches unless you're willing to spend the time and effort to ensure that the negatives are outweighed by the positives to the point that the cliche is no longer simply a cliche. Description - like what you had in the Mudkip intro - helps a lot and you can very much afford to put more in with out getting to the point of over-describing. Length could also be increased. Despite a few let downs this continues to keep my interest - the tidbits like Caterpie Cola really add to the eccentric yet familiar 'pokemon world' you're constructing. VERY slick style there. ^^ Anyway, keep up the good work and good luck and fun to you!

Piney.
;204;;324;

 

[ShadowCloud62]

Well, the Caterpie Cola I got from reading the Pokemon manga....forgot which volume though.

Anyway, down to business.

Chapter Two

Skye's mother looked at her only daughter with the same wide eyes as Tiana's, but without the big glasses to magnify them, "Are you sure you want to do this, honey? I mean, a Pokemon Trainer just to raise a Mudkip? Can't we just have it as a pet or companion? Maybe he'll be able to wash our laundry faster...."

"Mom," Skye said seriously, shoving a flyaway strand of her blonde hair away from her face and behind her ear, "I want to do this. Cerberus needs a friend, and well--I think I can do that."

"But honey, you just avoided my question: why travel?"

Skye didn't want to answer this question just yet. This was also not only a quest to find Mudkip's real owner, but also to find him....and get some answers out of him.

"Well," Skye fumbled in her mind for a lie, "I've always kind of wanted to participate in Pokemon Contests....like May, remember her?"

Skye's mother sighed, and raised an eyebrow, "Skye, honey, I'm your mother, and I know when my child lies."

Skye sighed, and looked down at the polished wood of the kitchen table. Her mother looked away just a moment to stir the vegetable stew she was making for supper.

"Honey, what's your real reason? You can talk to me, honey. Even if it is about your father."

Skye gasped and looked up at her mother, "Mom--?"

Her mother smiled sadly, "Honey, I was just as upset as you when your father just left without saying goodbye. He left us. You were only three."

"But didn't Dad leave a note? Write a letter? Call?"

"No. He disappeared. It was as if he never even existed in our lives."

Skye hated bringing her father up. Especially when her mother was a sensitive person. Her mother never spoke about him, but Skye could still hear her cry at night. Even worse, her mother had dark brown hair and chestnut colored eyes, meaning Skye looked just like her father, and she knew that tore her mother up inside.

"Mud...." Skye had forgotten for a moment Cerberus was chewing at the napkin on her lap. She looked down and gently scolded him, "No, Cerberus--" she held up the wet cloth, "--yucky cloth. Bad." She put a disgusted face on.

Cerberus found it more entertaining than teaching him a lesson, so he let out a laugh and clapped it's forepaws.

Skye's mother watched the Mudkip for a moment, then asked the million dollar question,

"You want to look for your father, don't you?"

Skye paused, clutching the end of the table until her knuckles turned white.

Her mother sighed and turned off the gas, letting the stew simmer for a bit, "I do understand. A child with one parent usually always wonders where the other went. I know you feel isolated here in Littleroot. I understand why you wish to leave."

"I didn't want to say anything, Mom, because--well, I was going to go to Professor Birch's lab first, but then I decided to tell you....but--I don't want to leave you like Dad did! But I want to find him!" Skye looked at her mother, tears brimming her eyes.

Her mother turned away and stood silent. The only sound was Cerberus growling while chewing on it's tail.

Skye sighed sadly. She knew this was coming. Her mother was probably thinking first her husband, now her.....

"Go."

Skye jumped at her mother's voice, "What?"

"Go."

Skye rose, "Mom--you want me to go?"

Turning around, her mother had tears in her eyes, happy ones, "My baby's growing up. Go on, Skye. I wish I could go with you, but I have to wait here. I'll even take you to the lab, sweetie. Get your coat, dear. Come on!"

Skye smiled, and got up to hug her mother, "Oh, Mom! I didn't think you'd let me!"

"No, honey. If you want to know who your father is, I can't prevent you from doing that. It's your choice."

"All right, Mom. I promise....I will return home with Dad."

"Mudkip, mud!" Cerberus said happily while nuzzling Skye's leg.

"All right, now let's get you a Pokedex!!!" Skye's mother said cheerfully.






Okay, chapter sucked. But next chapter is where the fun begins...mwahahahahahahaha....