{(•)___(•)}
Swog
lol. 7/10
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
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Rate a joke, tell a joke!
- Thread starter The Joker.
- Start date
The Joker.
Gone.
8/10
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared "You don't have enough badges to control me!"
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared "You don't have enough badges to control me!"
The Joker.
Gone.
6/10
My friend is accusing me of being a compulsive liar. I think he's just jealous that my reggae duet with Rio Ferdinand hit #1.
My friend is accusing me of being a compulsive liar. I think he's just jealous that my reggae duet with Rio Ferdinand hit #1.
Good start bad end xD 4
Howard: The tweed utility patch: scuffproof, weatherproof, even bulletproof, sir.
The Hitcher: Are you bulletproof, boy?
Howard: ... Don't know sir.
Howard: The tweed utility patch: scuffproof, weatherproof, even bulletproof, sir.
The Hitcher: Are you bulletproof, boy?
Howard: ... Don't know sir.
The Joker.
Gone.
6/10 Mighty boosh FTW
My Pokemon collection was destroyed in a fire.
I've only got Ash now.
My Pokemon collection was destroyed in a fire.
I've only got Ash now.
GalladeofSpades
Imaginative 24/7
5/10
Daughter: I bought you a Mother's Day gift!
Mother: Aww, what is it?
Daughter: It's a mug saying "Best Grandma Ever!"
Mother: ... But I'm not a grandmother.
Daughter: ... Suprise!
Daughter: I bought you a Mother's Day gift!
Mother: Aww, what is it?
Daughter: It's a mug saying "Best Grandma Ever!"
Mother: ... But I'm not a grandmother.
Daughter: ... Suprise!
The Joker.
Gone.
8/10
My new sofa has just arrived... *Hand wash only* reads one of the tags.
I was literally seconds away from hauling this new sofa into the washing machine. Thank god you warned me.
My new sofa has just arrived... *Hand wash only* reads one of the tags.
I was literally seconds away from hauling this new sofa into the washing machine. Thank god you warned me.
GalladeofSpades
Imaginative 24/7
8/10 xD
When you hate someone, everything they do gets on your nerves.
LOOK AT DAT B****, BREATHING THE FRESH AIR LIKE SHE OWNS THE PLACE.
When you hate someone, everything they do gets on your nerves.
LOOK AT DAT B****, BREATHING THE FRESH AIR LIKE SHE OWNS THE PLACE.
The Joker.
Gone.
8/10 
"Secret Services should be less secret" says some government bod.
We're hardly going to scare terrorists off with "Slightly Vague Services" though.
"Secret Services should be less secret" says some government bod.
We're hardly going to scare terrorists off with "Slightly Vague Services" though.
5/10
A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here." The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
A Chinese walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph. Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says, "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Habour, get outta here." The astonished Chinese man replied, "It was not the Chinese who bombed your PearlHarbour, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg. In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says, "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies, "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me." The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."
6/10
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink!"
The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh! Plip! Plop!! Two arms pop out.
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink! Take another drink!!" The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses, shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,
"He should've quit while he was a head!"
A man is waiting for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs. The son is just a head! But the dad loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.
After 18 years, the son is now old enough for his first drink. Dad takes him to the bar, tearfully tells the son he is proud of him and orders up the biggest, strongest drink for his boy. With all the bar patrons looking on curiously and the bartender shaking his head in disbelief, the boy takes his first sip of alcohol.
Swoooosh! Plop!! A torso pops out! The bar is dead silent; then bursts into whoops of joy. The father, shocked, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant "Take another drink!"
The bartender continues to shake his head in dismay. Swoooosh! Plip! Plop!! Two arms pop out.
The bar goes wild. The father, crying and wailing, begs his son to drink again. The patrons chant, "Take another drink! Take another drink!!" The bartender ignores the whole affair and goes back to polishing glasses, shaking his head, clearly unimpressed by the amazing scenes.
By now the boy is getting tipsy, but with his new hands he reaches down, grabs his drink and guzzles the last of it. Plop! Plip!! Two legs pop out. The bar is in chaos.
The father falls to his knees and tearfully thanks God. The boy stands up on his new legs and stumbles to the left then staggers to the right through the front door, into the street, where a truck runs over him and kills him instantly. The bar falls silent.
The father moans in grief. The bartender sighs and says,
"He should've quit while he was a head!"
The Joker.
Gone.
8/10
A horse walks into a bar. The barman says, "Why the long face?"The horse replies, "I came first in the Olympics and they gave the medal to the guy on my back."
A horse walks into a bar. The barman says, "Why the long face?"The horse replies, "I came first in the Olympics and they gave the medal to the guy on my back."
8/10
A couple has three daughters. One day, their first daughter walks up to her mother and asks, "Mom, why did you name me Rose?"
"When you were little, I dropped a rose on your head in the garden," the mother answers.
Soon, the second daughter walks up to her mother and asks, "Mom, why did you name me Tulip?"
Similar to the first, the mom answers, "When you were little, I dropped a tulip on your head in the garden."
Then the third daughter appraoches her mother and says," Durr...Raglflagl?!?!?"
The mom replies, "Be quiet, Cinderblock!"
A couple has three daughters. One day, their first daughter walks up to her mother and asks, "Mom, why did you name me Rose?"
"When you were little, I dropped a rose on your head in the garden," the mother answers.
Soon, the second daughter walks up to her mother and asks, "Mom, why did you name me Tulip?"
Similar to the first, the mom answers, "When you were little, I dropped a tulip on your head in the garden."
Then the third daughter appraoches her mother and says," Durr...Raglflagl?!?!?"
The mom replies, "Be quiet, Cinderblock!"
The Joker.
Gone.
9/10
I saw a detergant advert that claimed to be twice as better than the leading brand.
I thought, if you're so much better than the leading brand... why aren't you the leading brand?
I saw a detergant advert that claimed to be twice as better than the leading brand.
I thought, if you're so much better than the leading brand... why aren't you the leading brand?
SapphireBlueEyes7799
king omaha
8/10, I've wondered that too.
3 blondes walk into a building. They could've at least opened the door...
Yeah, stupid. I know xD
3 blondes walk into a building. They could've at least opened the door...
Yeah, stupid. I know xD
The Joker.
Gone.
7/10
I can't see an end.
I have no control and I don't think there's any escape - I don't even have a home anymore.
I can't see an end.
I have no control and I don't think there's any escape - I don't even have a home anymore.
Definitely time for a new keyboard.
SapphireBlueEyes7799
king omaha
Hahah, 9/10
What's brown and sticky?
...
...
...
...
A stick.
What's brown and sticky?
...
...
...
...
A stick.
Crimson Penguin
Marchin' on
6/10
Two Eskimos were sitting in a kayak in the middle of winter. They were getting pretty chilly, so they attempted to light a fire in the kayak; however, the flames burnt a hole in the bottom, and both Eskimos drowned. Just goes to show that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
Two Eskimos were sitting in a kayak in the middle of winter. They were getting pretty chilly, so they attempted to light a fire in the kayak; however, the flames burnt a hole in the bottom, and both Eskimos drowned. Just goes to show that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
GalladeofSpades
Imaginative 24/7
4/10. Sorry, didn't find it funny. :/
Aww, I just had an 'I love you more fight!'
Too bad it was with Cleverbot.
Aww, I just had an 'I love you more fight!'
Too bad it was with Cleverbot.