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Rate a joke, tell a joke!

7/10 Who's Cleverbot again?

Little Jhonny was sitting at the table doing his homework. His mother decided to watch.
Jhonny: 5+6, that son of a b*tch is 11. 6+4, that son of a b*tch is 10.
Mother: Jhonny! Where did you hear that from!
Jhonny: Are teacher taught us.
Furious, the mother called the teacher and demanded to meet her. When they met, she faced the teacher and apoke.
Mother: My son was doing his math homework, and I heard him say 5+6, that son of a b*tch is 11. Can you explain to me why?!
The teacher just laughed.
Teacher: It's 5+6, the sum of witch is 11!
Math, the given to swear while doing homework.
 
7/10

I was at a pub quiz and the one of the questions in the gaming category was 'What is the 132nd Pokemon?'.

I said to my mate 'I have no idea'
He said 'Ditto'

Useless person.
 

Nitocrys

Because I'm Happy.
5/10

A lady was late for her friend's wedding and was going WAY over the speed limit.
Well she got pulled over.
The cop said,''Miss, you were going 55 over the speed limit!''
She explained the situation to the cop, and to apologize, gave him some Chocolate Chip cookies.
The Cop let her off with a warning.

25 miles later, she got pulled over again.
,"But sir, I wasn't speeding!''
The cop said,"I know, but i heard you were giving out some great chocolate chip cookies.''
 

Steven Curran

Active Member
5/10

Jesus was on the cross and he said "Peter, Peter come here!". So Peter ran to Jesus but the guards punched him, kicked him and knocked him back into the crowd. Jesus once again said "Peter, Peter come here!". So Peter once again ran to Jesus but the guards punched him, kicked him and knocked him back into the crowd. Jesus once again said "Peter, Peter come here!". Peter then managed to bust through the guards bleeding and exhausted and asked "what is it?". Jesus then said "I can see your house from here".
 
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GalladeofSpades

Imaginative 24/7
4/10 I honestly didn't get it.

Google : i know everything
Facebook : i know everyone
internet : without me you're nothing!
electricity : hey guys :)
 

Steven Curran

Active Member
How can you not get it? Its not rocket science.
4/10 meh
Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
 

Crimson Penguin

Marchin' on
8/10, pretty good. And that reminds me of this one...

A man was walking along one day when he stumbled upon a magic lamp. When he rubbed the lamp, a genie appeared and said, "For your kindness in releasing me from my prison, I shall grant you three wishes. However, I should warn you that whatever you wish for, I must also give double to your mother-in-law."

The man pondered this for a moment; he hated his mother-in-law, but he knew this opportunity was too good to pass up. He said, "Okay, my first wish is for a million dollars." The genie nodded, and used his magic powers to transfer the sum into the man's bank account, while also depositing twice as much into his mother-in-law's account.

When this was done, the man said, "My second wish is for a huge mansion." The genie instantly replaced the man's home with a lavish 10,000-square-foot mansion, complete with furnishings, while giving the man's mother-in-law twice as big of a home.

When this was done, the genie said, "Now what is to be your third wish?" The man thought about this for quite a long time before replying:

"I want you to beat me half to death."
 
It took a while to realise the punchline xD 7

Tube Mouse, I love you so,
I took you from the underground,
And brought you home,
Put you in my jacket pocket,
And took you to the meeting,
Put you in my jacket pocket,
And took you to the meeting.
 

Tumnus

Well-Known Member
6/10

Knock Knock
Who's There
Cash
Cash Who
No thank you I prefer peanuts
 

Flame Mistress

Well-Known Member
0/10 What?

What's furry on the outside, moist on the inside, starts with C, ends with T, and has the letters U and N in the middle?














Coconuts.
 

Tumnus

Well-Known Member
A cashew is a kind of nut and (Cash Who) and (Cashew) sound alike.

3/10

4 aliens go down to earth kill a guy and take his house.
The first alien learns to like Operas so he learns to say "MeMeMeMeMeMeeeeee".
The second one is interested in silverware and learns to say "Forks and Knifes".
The third likes Wresling and leans to say "Bring it on tubby".
The fourth learns to like elictrical appliances and learns to say "plug it in".
A cop comes up to the house and sees a body on the lawn. He walks into the house and says "Who killed this man?"
And the first one says "MeMeMeMeMeMeeeeee" The cop then says "how did you kill him?" And the second one says "Forks and knifes."
Then the cop says "I'm going to have to take you to jail" and the third one says "Bring it on tubby."
The cop brings them to jail and asks "any last words?" And the fourth says "Plug it in."
Zaaaaaaaaappp.
\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/
 
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Flame Mistress

Well-Known Member
I've heard that one too many times before. 5.5/10

(A man is driving down Route 41 when he receives a phone call from his wife.)
Wife: Honey, apparently there's a car going the wrong way on Route 41. Please be careful!
Husband: It's not just one car, dear, it's all of them!
 
7/10 hehe...

Usain bolt broke his previous record at this olympics, soon he'll run so fast that he'll disappear halfway though the race like the car from back to the future then reappear at the end as an old man, and then shouts "beware China" before crumbling into dust.
 

Tumnus

Well-Known Member
Umm. What? 4/10

A tomato, some lettuce, and a nose are racing.
The nose was running, the lettuce was ahead, and the tomato was trying to catch up.
 
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Meh 5/10

Apparently, Neil Armstrong used to tell unfunny jokes about the Moon...

...and then followed them up with, "Ah, I guess you had to be there."
 
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