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Rated: M

Psychic Umbreon

Well-Known Member
Assassins: Servants of Darkness

Prologue:

Twelve months ago...

On the twentieth of April, when there should've been a full moon and there wasn't a moon at all, a ten point nine kilogram fox was shaking with fear as a thirty-two point five kilogram shrew, with brown spines on its back and two claws on each arm, shoved its left arm's claws at the fox's throat. There was a sound from behind the shrew... it was the young fox's mother, attempting to protect its offspring. The shrew growled fiercely and this was the signal that his companion, a snake weighing sixty-five point one kilograms, had been waiting for. It emerged from the undergrowth, hissing loudly as it wrapped its scaly body around the Ninetales.

The creamy coloured fox, weighing twenty one point nine-five kilograms, struggled to free herself. The purple cobra tightened his grip on Ninetales and looked at Sandslash for orders. Sandslash half turned and motioned with his right arm, then he turned his attention back to Vulpix and waited for the gasping sound associated with Arbok's victims feeling the snake's fangs sink into their flesh. It finally came and Sandslash grimaced as he thrust his left arm's claws into the Vulpix's throat. The young Pokemon fell to the ground, a gurgling noise coming from its throat. Sandslash shook his head, disappointed, and finished the Pokemon off with a blow to the chest area.

As Sandslash wiped his claws clean of Vulpix blood, he heard the distant wail of sirens coming closer. Knowing their time was up, Sandslash grunted at Arbok and started burrowing underground. “What's the rush?” the snake drawled, his face covered with the blood of Ninetales. The shrew paused, angry at his comrade's ignorance. “You fool! The sirens, you idiot! Those sirens belong to the humans known as police. If the police find us here at the murder sight... you haven't even cleaned the blood off your face. If the police find us here, we'll get sent to the MUPP. I'm sure you don't want to end up there... I know I don't.”

“MUPP? What's-” Arbok began. “Murderous and Unstable Pokemon Prison. Now hurry up and get that blood off your face!” Sandslash growled. Arbok frantically looked around for water to wash the blood off his face and eventually found some; he immediately shoved his face in it. Moments later, he pulled his face out and hissed at Sandslash. “Is that better?” Sandslash took one look at his friend's face and replied. “Yeah, it is. Come on, let's get going.” The shrew started burrowing underground again and as Arbok vanished into the undergrowth, all that remained at the scene were the bodies of Vulpix and Ninetales.

Minutes later, four police vans pulled up with a van from the local Pokemon Centre. A distraught young trainer got out of the first police van, and when she saw the mutilated bodies of her Ninetales and its only offspring, she collapsed, sobbing loudly. Nurse Joy examined the scene and shook her head sadly. “It seems to me that the Pokemon were led here by two others.” Just then, one of Officer Jenny's graduates saw the hole that Sandslash had dug. “Officer Jenny, m'am,” the young male began. “What is it, David?” Jenny asked. “I've found a hole here, m'am. I think it was dug by a Sandslash.” David replied. Jenny walked over, took a quick look and said, “Right. We'll need to test the DNA left behind. Tess, since you're the DNA expert, please collect some of that soil and head back to Forensics.”

“Right away, m'am.” Tess said, as she put some of the dirt in a plastic bag. The teams continued searching the area for clues, but were unable to find anything else. With only the DNA of Sandslash to their name, the vans had to leave. In the shadows, watching the vans leave, were two other Pokemon; a sixty-one point seven kilogram green bug and a forty-four point six kilogram brown and white shellfish with two bladed arms. “I should have questioned Sandslash about his loyalty to the team.” The green bug rasped, her eyes glinting in the darkness. A frown appeared on the shellfish's face as he became entangled in a strangler vine.

“Yes, you should have done that,” the shellfish replied, after cutting his way out of the vine. “I mean, when Arbok vanishes, he leaves not a clue. Sandslash, however, seems to feel the need to burrow underground whenever trouble approaches.” Kabutops continued. Scyther turned to Kabutops, saying, “Speaking of vanishing...” She then nodded and both Pokemon disappeared into the shadowy darkness.

Two hours later...

As Arbok dozed and Sandslash kept guard, the undergrowth rustled and a voice called out, “Sandslash!” Sandslash turned towards the voice and asked, “Who is it?” A snort of annoyance was heard and the voice answered, “It's me, you stupid dolt!” Only then did Sandslash recognize the voice and said expressionlessly, “Scyther. What brings you here?” A deeper voice answered the question. “You, you idiot! We were watching the whole thing. And as usual, you felt the need to burrow underground.” Then, Scyther and the deep voiced Pokemon stepped out of the bushes. The brown and white shellfish stood beside Scyther, with his bladed arms crossed and that frown had reappeared.

“... oh. Hello, Kabutops.” Sandslash said quietly. A look of superiority appeared on Scyther's face and she replied, “He's on the run from the police and the Legendaries. He's my second in command.” Arbok stirred as he heard voices and he slithered over to Sandslash. Scyther and Kabutops narrowed their eyes and Arbok lowered his head in shame; he instinctively knew he should have stopped Sandslash from burrowing underground. Scyther moved like lightning; first she slashed Sandslash over his left eye, then she cut an 'x' in Arbok's tail. The snake winced, but kept his emotions in check.

“Sandslash,” Scyther began. “Put some dirt in Arbok's wound. As for your injury, it will heal and leave a scar.” Sandslash looked at Scyther, hardly believing what he'd just heard. “Now.” Scyther said, sounding angry. Sandslash and Arbok looked at each other, and Sandslash shrugged as he picked up some dirt and threw it in his friend's wound. The shrew looked up at Scyther, who nodded her approval. “Right then,” Kabutops said. “Let's go.” Scyther immediately rebuked Kabutops. “Hang on, who gave you permission to over-rule my authority? You must remember Kabutops, I'm the leader of the group. I give the orders around here – not you.”

Kabutops looked away and muttered something under his breath. “Okay,” Scyther said. “Now we will leave.” The four killers vanished into the darkness and waited for twelve months to go by slowly. While they waited, each of them plotted which Pokemon was next on their lists. Would it be a Charmeleon... or a Persian... or a Machoke... or even an Electabuzz?

= To be continued =
 

Literate

black cat, black cat
O_O O....kay. Not that I was surprised or anything. But you went to far with the kilograms. You described six pokemon that way, you don't need to. 9.9 kilograms is heavy already. Keep in mind that 32 kilos is almots 100 pounds. You went too far. You showed no sound. There was no reason. And if all were assassins, they should be off and alone, not in a group. Unless there's a good reason too.

Now for the technical parts. You make paragraphs when starting dialogue. It's basic.

Like this:
As Sandslash wiped his claws clean of Vulpix blood, he heard the distant wail of sirens coming closer. Knowing their time was up, Sandslash grunted at Arbok and started burrowing underground. “What's the rush?” the snake drawled, his face covered with the blood of Ninetales.

The shrew paused, angry at his comrade's ignorance. “You fool! The sirens, you idiot! Those sirens belong to the humans known as police. If the police find us here at the murder sight... you haven't even cleaned the blood off your face. If the police find us here, we'll get sent to the MUPP. I'm sure you don't want to end up there... I know I don't.”
Two people speaking > two different paragraphs.

I'll leave you to correct the rest of it.

They're murderers. Assassins refer to political murders, get it? Homocides. Yeah. You portrayed that they chose their victims only to amuse themselves, so they're homocidal maniacs.

Now for the other reason I posted: Does anyone like to read a fic with purely only assassinations? I don't think so. There's not much reason to read something with only killings without a true plot. I can't see anything here.

I don't think you're supposed to put the rating as the title. You're supposed to put it in the title.

PM me when you have the next chapter up. I'll be waiting.

~PEACE~

P.S. I don't rate. It was the attack of the one stars. Not me. >_>
 
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