MissFrederick
Well-Known Member
This story involves my in-game persona (Ray) going into Canalave Inn one evening. This is what ends up ensuing. This is a One-Shot fic so I won't be adding to it. This is not my best fanfiction, but I would still like some constructive criticism please. You know, what's good, what's bad, what can be improved etc. If you enjoyed the story, that's good. But I do want some constructive criticism. So please do that if you have something you want to suggest. Thank you. Sorry if you find Ray's cussing unnecessary. It's just in her personality to swear in that sort of situation. Just to explain the braces, Ray wears a pair of braces rather than a belt in order to keep her pokeballs with her (they're clipped on tightly,) and to hold her trousers up. I think they're called suspenders in other countries. I also admit my punctuation isn't great.
The reason Ray's father is mentioned in a negative fashion in the fic is because she hated him because he was bad-tempered and didn't have patience for her as a child. Her mother eventually divorced him but Ray still hasn't forgotten about his attitude and still hates him to this day.
Warning: Rated PG-14 for very strong language (use of the 'F-word,' 'S-word,' 'Hell,' 'Damn,' and 'Bloody,' a disturbing scene, and dark themes. Do not read if easily offended or if you are a minor (well, I can't stop you from reading it, I'm just saying it's not suitable for minors.)
Ray stood in front of Canalave Inn one cold, cloudless evening; a place that she had once tried to get into but was locked from the outside. She remembered how she had stepped into a Pokémon Mart this dark evening and had been given something called a Member’s Card. It said that she could stay in the Inn for one night. She had decided to give it a try. Of course, if she didn't like it, she could just leave, right? She slowly knocked on the door, and quietly entered, slightly nervous for no apparent reason.
A man with a slightly wild look in his eyes behind his scratched glasses greeted her. She was startled when he grabbed her quite roughly by her thin wrist.
“Greetings” he said, his voice sounded as though he wasn’t all there. He chuckled a little. Ray thought it seemed sinister. “Come, we’ve been holding a reservation for you…for a very long time.” Ray tried to pull away from him to leave. She was afraid of him. F*ck, she thought, this is why the door was locked bloody locked. What the Hell have I gotten myself to?! Despite her pulling away, he seemed much stronger than she was as he led her to bed. Ray didn’t want to sleep. She wasn’t tired. She was too scared to even think of sleep now. She looked at him. He smiled unexpectedly at her. From that smile, she knew he wouldn’t let her leave. She lay down on the bed. Okay, she thought, if he turns away from me, then I make a break for it. She nodded to herself. She watched him turn his back away. Now! Her senses screamed at her to get up and run. But she didn’t. She felt as though she was bound to the bed. As much as she wanted to leave, she simply couldn’t get herself up. She closed her eyes, scared, and had surrendered unexpectedly within seconds.
Ray stood on the creepy island. It was barren, with dead flowers, and a dead ambience. As though it were echoing from a nightmare. She looked around, surrounded by the sea. There was no way to escape. She couldn't swim very well and the sea was choppy and screaming.
“How did I get here…?” she said to herself, slowly growing paranoid. “Where the Hell am I…?” she looked around again, trying to get at least some of recognisance of this place. She took a pokeball from her right brace.
“Bliss,” She said “Come out!” she held it up, releasing the large Meganium from its ball. But when she saw him, something wasn’t right. She gasped, horrified.
Bliss was dead, his still form laying on its side, eyes glassy and pale.
“Bliss…?” Ray said. She screamed “Bliss?! No!” How did this happen? Bliss was fine during the day. “No! Bliss! Why?!” she grabbed the rest of the pokeballs.
“Waves! Apollo! Shock! Siren! Ferna!” she screamed their names this time, releasing them. One by one they came out. A Vaporeon, dead from poisoning, lay there, green vomit out of its mouth. A Flygon with strangle marks on its neck came out, also dead. A Jolteon, with a cracked skull, possibly from a rock, lay there, still and silent. An Absol, its horn snapped in half, and its throat slit, also lay, gone from the world. Ray was horrified; she looked at Ferna, a Ninetales her boyfriend had given her, raised from birth. Ferna lay there weakly, still alive but just barely. It was obvious it was too late. She was drowning from the inside. Ray couldn’t bear to hear the drowning and turned away, covering her ears. She turned a few minutes later. Ferna had gone. Ray screamed again, felt the vomit rising in her throat. It escaped her, coming out in liquid streams of nausea and fear. She gasped weakly and started to cry.
“What happened to you all? Who did this to you? What about Jeeves…? Was it me who did this to you by coming to the inn and ending up in this damn distortion?! Why?!” she tried to shout these words out in case someone who could help would hear her, but it came out as a weak, wavering voice. She fell on the floor, weakly.
“I might as well be dead myself if I am here alone, with only the corpses of my Pokémon to be company for me…I am trapped here. Alone…in a damned place…” she felt paranoid, as though someone or something were watching her. She looked around, knowing that help hadn't arrived.
“Whatever’s here has come to get me…just as it got my Pokémon…” she said. She started to hyperventilate, more frightened than she had been in all of her eighteen years of life. “Sh*t…”
The dark creature approached Ray from the shadows. He was laughing at her. At least, it sounded like mocking laughter in Ray’s ears. She looked up at him. He was much taller than she was, and it was so ugly. Ray could feel the evil oozing out of its every pore. He looked at her with its cold eyes.
“Awww, the poor little girl lost her Pokémon” he said in a mocking voice “Completely powerless. Even her pink Hypno, Jeeves as she calls him, is not here anymore!” Ray caught her breath after a few moments, before speaking.
“What do you mean he isn’t here any more…?” she asked weakly.
“He killed himself, you little cow. He couldn’t stand you anymore. He thought it would be great for you to come home to a corpse. You were asking for it.” He said in a voice that sounded just like Ray’s father’s voice. Ray cringed at the voice. It was horrible to hear her father’s voice. She had never wanted to hear it again, and she was hearing it now.
“So what are you going to do…?” the creature asked her in its original, raspy voice. “You are stuck here now. Completely stuck. You try to leave, you will be sucked down to the bottom of the scarred sea. You’re stuck here…” Ray was silent, out of a mix of fear, and shock at this creature's power.
“I can help you.” He said “I can help you, yes I can. I’m going to suck you into my own void. You’ll be no more. But you’ll be better off in that void than a world where no one wants you.”
“No!” Ray tried to scream. It was too late. Everything was black and gone. The world was silent. She was losing herself. She couldn’t see, hear, or feel anymore. Nothing. There was nothing anymore.
Ray suddenly saw it, a light, a bright light. So bright it hurt her eyes but it let her know there was something there. She knew she couldn't be in a void where nothing was there if she could see this light. She heard singing too. Beautiful singing. She felt a breeze on her face as it ruffled her hair and clothing. She gasped as the light got even brighter now. She saw something else. A Pokémon she had met before. She had met this one a long time ago and had still never seen her again. She knew this one was roaming the land, but she could never find it since that day.
“Cresselia…” she gasped weakly. As if it responded, Ray was standing on Full Moon Island again, where she had first met Cresselia, had seen Cresselia run without running, leaving one of her feathers, the Lunar Wing behind. She looked up weakly. “Sh*t! It is Cresselia…!” she yelped again as all of her senses seemed to come back all at once. She jumped up as soon as she felt the sensation of being alive. Cresselia looked at Ray with its beautiful purple eyes before it spoke, without even speaking.
“Yes, it is me, trainer.” the godly creature said, her voice echoing across the land and Ray’s mind as she heard it “You do not need to be afraid of that creature you saw. That is the nightmare creator. Its name…is Darkrai. He was the cause of you having to meet me to fetch one of my own feathers to rescue that boy in Canalave. I ran from you because I knew Full Moon Island was no longer a safe haven for me. But I must tell you, neither you nor your Pokémon are dead. This was all a nightmare that Darkrai had created while you sleep in this cursed inn. Your Pokémon and you are all okay. You are safe. Most dreams cannot hurt you, and this one didn't.”
“You mean…I’m asleep…and still dreaming in that horrible Inn?” Ray asked. "It stinks like moldy things too," she added, nodding to herself.
“Yes.” Cresselia said, answering Ray's question of dreams. She then grew serious “You must awaken…Now!” Cresselia called, the bright light hitting Ray.
Ray sat up in the bed with a gasp, looking around.
“Damn!” she said “That was a God-awful dream! Ugh! Worst sleep I’ve ever had…” she said. She turned to speak to the Inn keeper who had made her sleep in the bed first place.
“Hey, your Inn sucks like a...” she stopped, realising that he wasn’t there. He was gone.
“I’m out of here!” Ray said to herself, grabbing her handbag, making sure her pokeballs were still attached to her braces. She then ran out of the inn like a frightened Skitty.
As soon as she stepped out of the inn, slamming the door behind her, a sailor walked up to her. She remembered him as the sailor that took her to Iron Island and Full Moon Island.
“You were asleep for a long, long time” he said “It’s already four in the afternoon. What were you doing in there? No one’s been in that Inn for fifty years.” He walked off, but not before giving her a look that made her feel like an idiot. Ray could only say three words after he had left.
“What…the…f*ck…?” she said, before walking away from the Inn and its ominous vibe that she had received since going in there.
So, what did you think of that story? Please say your opinion, and give me some constructive criticism if you have some for me. Thanks, now.
The reason Ray's father is mentioned in a negative fashion in the fic is because she hated him because he was bad-tempered and didn't have patience for her as a child. Her mother eventually divorced him but Ray still hasn't forgotten about his attitude and still hates him to this day.
Warning: Rated PG-14 for very strong language (use of the 'F-word,' 'S-word,' 'Hell,' 'Damn,' and 'Bloody,' a disturbing scene, and dark themes. Do not read if easily offended or if you are a minor (well, I can't stop you from reading it, I'm just saying it's not suitable for minors.)
Ray stood in front of Canalave Inn one cold, cloudless evening; a place that she had once tried to get into but was locked from the outside. She remembered how she had stepped into a Pokémon Mart this dark evening and had been given something called a Member’s Card. It said that she could stay in the Inn for one night. She had decided to give it a try. Of course, if she didn't like it, she could just leave, right? She slowly knocked on the door, and quietly entered, slightly nervous for no apparent reason.
A man with a slightly wild look in his eyes behind his scratched glasses greeted her. She was startled when he grabbed her quite roughly by her thin wrist.
“Greetings” he said, his voice sounded as though he wasn’t all there. He chuckled a little. Ray thought it seemed sinister. “Come, we’ve been holding a reservation for you…for a very long time.” Ray tried to pull away from him to leave. She was afraid of him. F*ck, she thought, this is why the door was locked bloody locked. What the Hell have I gotten myself to?! Despite her pulling away, he seemed much stronger than she was as he led her to bed. Ray didn’t want to sleep. She wasn’t tired. She was too scared to even think of sleep now. She looked at him. He smiled unexpectedly at her. From that smile, she knew he wouldn’t let her leave. She lay down on the bed. Okay, she thought, if he turns away from me, then I make a break for it. She nodded to herself. She watched him turn his back away. Now! Her senses screamed at her to get up and run. But she didn’t. She felt as though she was bound to the bed. As much as she wanted to leave, she simply couldn’t get herself up. She closed her eyes, scared, and had surrendered unexpectedly within seconds.
Ray stood on the creepy island. It was barren, with dead flowers, and a dead ambience. As though it were echoing from a nightmare. She looked around, surrounded by the sea. There was no way to escape. She couldn't swim very well and the sea was choppy and screaming.
“How did I get here…?” she said to herself, slowly growing paranoid. “Where the Hell am I…?” she looked around again, trying to get at least some of recognisance of this place. She took a pokeball from her right brace.
“Bliss,” She said “Come out!” she held it up, releasing the large Meganium from its ball. But when she saw him, something wasn’t right. She gasped, horrified.
Bliss was dead, his still form laying on its side, eyes glassy and pale.
“Bliss…?” Ray said. She screamed “Bliss?! No!” How did this happen? Bliss was fine during the day. “No! Bliss! Why?!” she grabbed the rest of the pokeballs.
“Waves! Apollo! Shock! Siren! Ferna!” she screamed their names this time, releasing them. One by one they came out. A Vaporeon, dead from poisoning, lay there, green vomit out of its mouth. A Flygon with strangle marks on its neck came out, also dead. A Jolteon, with a cracked skull, possibly from a rock, lay there, still and silent. An Absol, its horn snapped in half, and its throat slit, also lay, gone from the world. Ray was horrified; she looked at Ferna, a Ninetales her boyfriend had given her, raised from birth. Ferna lay there weakly, still alive but just barely. It was obvious it was too late. She was drowning from the inside. Ray couldn’t bear to hear the drowning and turned away, covering her ears. She turned a few minutes later. Ferna had gone. Ray screamed again, felt the vomit rising in her throat. It escaped her, coming out in liquid streams of nausea and fear. She gasped weakly and started to cry.
“What happened to you all? Who did this to you? What about Jeeves…? Was it me who did this to you by coming to the inn and ending up in this damn distortion?! Why?!” she tried to shout these words out in case someone who could help would hear her, but it came out as a weak, wavering voice. She fell on the floor, weakly.
“I might as well be dead myself if I am here alone, with only the corpses of my Pokémon to be company for me…I am trapped here. Alone…in a damned place…” she felt paranoid, as though someone or something were watching her. She looked around, knowing that help hadn't arrived.
“Whatever’s here has come to get me…just as it got my Pokémon…” she said. She started to hyperventilate, more frightened than she had been in all of her eighteen years of life. “Sh*t…”
The dark creature approached Ray from the shadows. He was laughing at her. At least, it sounded like mocking laughter in Ray’s ears. She looked up at him. He was much taller than she was, and it was so ugly. Ray could feel the evil oozing out of its every pore. He looked at her with its cold eyes.
“Awww, the poor little girl lost her Pokémon” he said in a mocking voice “Completely powerless. Even her pink Hypno, Jeeves as she calls him, is not here anymore!” Ray caught her breath after a few moments, before speaking.
“What do you mean he isn’t here any more…?” she asked weakly.
“He killed himself, you little cow. He couldn’t stand you anymore. He thought it would be great for you to come home to a corpse. You were asking for it.” He said in a voice that sounded just like Ray’s father’s voice. Ray cringed at the voice. It was horrible to hear her father’s voice. She had never wanted to hear it again, and she was hearing it now.
“So what are you going to do…?” the creature asked her in its original, raspy voice. “You are stuck here now. Completely stuck. You try to leave, you will be sucked down to the bottom of the scarred sea. You’re stuck here…” Ray was silent, out of a mix of fear, and shock at this creature's power.
“I can help you.” He said “I can help you, yes I can. I’m going to suck you into my own void. You’ll be no more. But you’ll be better off in that void than a world where no one wants you.”
“No!” Ray tried to scream. It was too late. Everything was black and gone. The world was silent. She was losing herself. She couldn’t see, hear, or feel anymore. Nothing. There was nothing anymore.
Ray suddenly saw it, a light, a bright light. So bright it hurt her eyes but it let her know there was something there. She knew she couldn't be in a void where nothing was there if she could see this light. She heard singing too. Beautiful singing. She felt a breeze on her face as it ruffled her hair and clothing. She gasped as the light got even brighter now. She saw something else. A Pokémon she had met before. She had met this one a long time ago and had still never seen her again. She knew this one was roaming the land, but she could never find it since that day.
“Cresselia…” she gasped weakly. As if it responded, Ray was standing on Full Moon Island again, where she had first met Cresselia, had seen Cresselia run without running, leaving one of her feathers, the Lunar Wing behind. She looked up weakly. “Sh*t! It is Cresselia…!” she yelped again as all of her senses seemed to come back all at once. She jumped up as soon as she felt the sensation of being alive. Cresselia looked at Ray with its beautiful purple eyes before it spoke, without even speaking.
“Yes, it is me, trainer.” the godly creature said, her voice echoing across the land and Ray’s mind as she heard it “You do not need to be afraid of that creature you saw. That is the nightmare creator. Its name…is Darkrai. He was the cause of you having to meet me to fetch one of my own feathers to rescue that boy in Canalave. I ran from you because I knew Full Moon Island was no longer a safe haven for me. But I must tell you, neither you nor your Pokémon are dead. This was all a nightmare that Darkrai had created while you sleep in this cursed inn. Your Pokémon and you are all okay. You are safe. Most dreams cannot hurt you, and this one didn't.”
“You mean…I’m asleep…and still dreaming in that horrible Inn?” Ray asked. "It stinks like moldy things too," she added, nodding to herself.
“Yes.” Cresselia said, answering Ray's question of dreams. She then grew serious “You must awaken…Now!” Cresselia called, the bright light hitting Ray.
Ray sat up in the bed with a gasp, looking around.
“Damn!” she said “That was a God-awful dream! Ugh! Worst sleep I’ve ever had…” she said. She turned to speak to the Inn keeper who had made her sleep in the bed first place.
“Hey, your Inn sucks like a...” she stopped, realising that he wasn’t there. He was gone.
“I’m out of here!” Ray said to herself, grabbing her handbag, making sure her pokeballs were still attached to her braces. She then ran out of the inn like a frightened Skitty.
As soon as she stepped out of the inn, slamming the door behind her, a sailor walked up to her. She remembered him as the sailor that took her to Iron Island and Full Moon Island.
“You were asleep for a long, long time” he said “It’s already four in the afternoon. What were you doing in there? No one’s been in that Inn for fifty years.” He walked off, but not before giving her a look that made her feel like an idiot. Ray could only say three words after he had left.
“What…the…f*ck…?” she said, before walking away from the Inn and its ominous vibe that she had received since going in there.
So, what did you think of that story? Please say your opinion, and give me some constructive criticism if you have some for me. Thanks, now.
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