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Redemption - A Journey Fic (PG-13)

starterlover1

Emperor Coordinator
Hello everyone, its me again. I've been so busy lately that I somewhat abandoned my last fic, but then I wasn't really sure where that was going in the first place. I've decided to start anew with this one. The idea is similar, and don't be surprised if you recognize some influence of the anime - my plan is to incorporate some of that into the game's plot, and develop the story from there. Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy it - here's the prologue:

Prologue

Shaymin narrowly avoided a pink scythe of energy as it flew desperately along the cliffside. The severe weather shifts were currently the least of its worries - a successful attack against it would find it plummeting into the jagged rocks below, which rose out of choppy seas. A quick glance behind it revealed a pink and yellow swan-like pokemon with transparent wings giving chase. The pokemon, Cresselia, prepared an Ice Beam that would make even Articuno, the legendary bird of ice, beam with pride. But then, Cresselia didn’t care - it and its fellow birds were on the enemy side.

Before Cresselia could finish its attack, however, a dark shadow leapt from the cliffside and fired a powerful Dark Pulse. Cresselia’s eternal nemesis, Darkrai, had come to aid its ally, and would have succeeded too were it not for the paired blasts of fire that nearly roasted it to a crisp. Entei and Heatran, legendary beast of fire and embodiment of magma, respectively, stood on the rocks below eyeing their handiwork. The moment was fleeting, however - the bolt of lightning that crackled down from above would have been devastating had not Raikou ,the beast of thunder, intercepted it with one of its own, protecting them from the legendary bird of lightning. Zapdos let out a shrill cry calling Moltres to its side, and together with the strength of the legendary fire bird unleashed an Air Cutter at a pokemon that was racing along the top of the water itself. The North Wind in the flesh, the aquatic leopard jumped into the air and fired a Hydro Pump, but it quickly evaporated. The weather had shifted to intense sunlight at a moment’s notice.

All eyes focused on the top of the cliff, where a large blue pokemon stood on four legs. Its bulky body shone with the glimmering blue accents that ran down its back and legs, as well as up its neck and to the back of its angular head. Steel armor lined its body and legs, the centerpiece being a large structure on its chest with a diamond embedded in the center. Opposite this pokemon, floating above the ocean, was a pink and white creature of equal size and rank. It’s long neck was lined with pink, leading back to two large, imposing wings positioned behind its shoulder-blades. Slightly lower were its arms and a grey torso that led to a sturdy bottom, complete with two large feet and a long tail. Most impressive, however, were the two pearls embedded in its shoulder-blades.

The two pokemon, Dialga and Palkia, roared at each other and fired off their signature moves, Roar of Time and Spacial Rend. Dialga’s entire body shone a bright blue as the enormous beam sped toward Palkia. Meanwhile, a huge pink crescent was produced from the pearls on its shoulders, which spun toward Dialga with great speed. The attacks would have collided, too, were it not for the momentary intervention of three pixie-like pokemon that suddenly appeared between the attacks. They each had two tails, each one featuring a small red crystal, and a small body; the only thing that differed was the head. Uxie, the being of knowledge, had a yellow bowl-shaped head with a red jewel in the center; Mesprit, being of emotion, featured four pink dreadlocks that hung down on either side, perfectly framing the red jewel that it, too, had on its forehead; Azelf, the being of willpower, had a blue head in the shape of an elf, and, naturally, a red jewel. These jewels shone in unison among the three, and completely dissipated the energy from the two attacks. Unfortunately, they had no power over what was to ensue.

A deep grumbling sound could now be heard from within the cliff, and it grew louder as an Earthquake wracked the land. Rock slides began from all angles of the cliff, the literal edge of the Earth in the face of the ocean. Below, islands rose with momentous force, defiant of the waves that battered them. Meanwhile, the ocean grew restless. Whitecaps slammed into the cliff and the newly emerged islands and plateaus, submerging some of them in the process. The foam licked at the land, silently continuing the onslaught. Above, clouds swirled and dissipated in mere seconds, mimicking the whirlpools below. The legendary pokemon looked on as, finally, the two beings at the root of the war emerged.

A violent volcanic eruption burst from the cliff, magma spewing out rapidly. The sun intensified, instantly withering what few plants had survived the battle up to this point, and a large red pokemon rose out of the ground. It stood tall and proud, yellow eyes gleaming as it stared hotly toward the sea. It’s entire back side was covered in a thick, ruby-colored armor, culminating in a powerful spiked tail that perfectly matched its enormous razor-sharp claws. Groudon had finally awoken.

However, it was not alone. Thunder roared in the air above the ocean, the clouds having formed a perfect front where the sea ended and the land began. Tidal waves crashed offshore, and water spouts reached from sea to sky as a giant blue pokemon leapt from the water. Its streamlined body was as blue as sapphires themselves, except for hieroglyphic markings that shone red on its broad fins. Underneath the killer whale were white stripes, and the beast let out a roar displaying its sharp teeth. Kyogre’s ascendance from the sea’s deepest trenches was complete.

The effects of their presence expanded over the planet itself, causing raging storms, flooding coastal lands, baking even the coldest of mountains, and shaking dormant volcanoes into new activity. The humans at fault for this watched in horror, realizing the error of their ways as the reality of the situation shattered even their worst expectations. All of the human race now stood on edge, hiding within their homes, caves, and any shelter they could find. Silently, the legendary pokemon took their sides. Only six remained neutral, positioned between the opposing forces. The pixie trio was one of them. The other, molded from the planet itself, was the Regi trio. Regirock, golem of stone, braced itself for a fierce battle, standing in defiance toward the cliffs that rose above it. Behind it floated the golem of ice, Regice, the braille pattern on its face flickering with determination. And between the two stood Registeel, golem of metal, ready to support either one at a moment’s notice. These two groups of pokemon had been preparing for this moment for centuries, and they would now be put to the test. Though they did not care for the other legends. Their concern was entirely on Groudon and Kyogre, Dialga and Palkia. So it began.

From the top of the cliff leapt the three legendary beasts, preparing an Air Slash, Zap Cannon, and Flare Blitz into the torrential rain before them. The legendary birds quickly responded, delivering a Blizzard, Thunder, and Fire Blast in return. Darkrai and Cresselia dueled high above, while Shaymin, resolved in its Sky Forme, sought an opening to attack Heatran beneath it, who was blasting the air with fire and steel. Just below Cresselia and Darkrai could be seen two pokemon, both of the Psychic-type. The first, Mewtwo, held the ruthless expression of a murderer as it fired a purple blast toward the other. Avoiding the attack, the pokemon transformed itself from the streamlined build it was initially in to one decidedly more threatening, with three spikes atop its head, two spikes protruding from each knee, and tentacles writhing on either side of it. Deoxys.

The battle raged on for weeks on end, months eve, fiercest between the titans of land, sea, time, and space. Violence and strife dominated the planet as pokemon fought pokemon and human fought human for survival alone. Finally, however, there appeared a glimmer of hope. Among the legendary pokemon appeared smaller pokemon that seemingly did not belong. Considered phantoms by humans and even some pokemon, the four of them appeared seemingly out of no where. The pink feline pokemon, original of all - Mew. Voice of the forest and traveller of time, Celebi. The celestial pokemon and granter of wishes, Jirachi. And finally, voyager of the seas and link between two worlds, Manaphy. Together they called forth the four guardians of the planet, offering up the requisite items as had been decided millennia beforehand.

A shimmering, silver wing rose from Mew, instantly becalming the legendary birds and summoning from the ocean an enormous silver-colored pokemon. Lugia, the keeper of storms and ruler of the legendary birds had arrived. The glistening rainbow-colored wing that was offered by Celebi, on the other hand, drew to it the legendary beasts. They bowed to the ground as a speck emerged from the sky, and a rainbow-colored phoenix hovered above them. Ho-oh had descended to answer the call, and was prepared to finally bring the war to an end alongside Lugia.

Next was Manaphy. It had brought with it from the depths a blue flute that produced an eerie melody, instantly attracting the attention of Dialga, Palkia, and the pixie trio alike. A golden portal opened, and produced from it an equine pokemon with a decidedly stoic appearance. Arceus, lord of creation, had been summoned. Finally, Jirachi stepped forward into the fray. From it rose a gleaming sphere the color of a rich emerald - the Jade Orb. Groudon and Kyogre, previously oblivious to the events at hand, suddenly grew very quiet, almost, it seemed, out of fear. And rightly so. An emerald pulse evaporated the clouds and reduced the intensity of the sun, and a meteor could be seen approaching the Earth. As it neared, a roar was heard, and when it finally came to a halt there remained a large serpent-like dragon in its place. Rayquaza, master of air and keeper of balance, descended at last.

The legendary pokemon immediately stopped their fighting - all but the four titans. They were punished with a vengeance as a result, assaulted by the four guardians without mercy. Roasted by the purging flames of Ho-oh’s Sacred Fire, they soon found themselves longing that pain rather than the harsh, blistering force of Lugia’s Aeroblast. The Judgement dealt by Arceus sealed away Dialga and Palkia within their own dimensions, linking them to the Psychic trio of Azelf, Mesprit, and Uxie forever. Finally, Rayquaza’s reduced Groudon and Kyogre to mere memories, forgotten by nearly all as they hid away in the deepest part of the Earth’s crust and marine trenches. Rayquaza’s rage was not yet abated, however. With angry resolve, it prepared to purge the Earth of all humans for bringing down such a fate, and took on a yellow hue as its hieroglyphic markings lit up. It ignored the objections of its fellow pokemon, except for those of two previously invisible pokemon, Latias and Latios, guardians of the soul.

By the time they voiced their concern, however, Rayquaza had already unleashed its judgement, the fabled Roar of Ordinance, and the attack raced toward the horizon, seeking to obliterate any and all humans in its path. Instantly, the twin dragons took off after it. Latios was blue, slightly larger in size, with two large wings protruding from its back and a red triangle on its chest Latias was no different, except for her slightly smaller size and red coloration which contrasted the blue triangle on her chest. As they sped toward the horizon, the down in which they were covered grew more and more translucent, and soon enough, they merged into a single, clear orb. Immediately, Rayquaza’s Roar doubled back upon itself and was absorbed entirely by the orb, contained within it by the strength of the souls that the Lati twins had sacrificed on behalf of the human race. Silently, the newly-formed Soul Dew vanished, fated to reappear at the place of Latios' and Latias' origin, and give rise to them there once again. The legendary pokemon stood both moved and saddened at the loss. Rayquaza spoke, finality in its words.

“Latios and Latias have sacrificed their lives for the safety of the very humans who caused the world this fate. Their actions shall not be in vain. A second chance will be given them, but hear this. Humans cannot be trusted. Following the resurrection of Latios and Latias, pokemon will no longer willingly appear to humans. The Earth itself will torment the race with storms and hardship. And we will reveal ourselves only to those who are truly worthy. When the future produces those two human offspring capable of righting the wrongs of their ancestors, the scales of balance will once again be restored.”
 

starterlover1

Emperor Coordinator
Chapter 1​

“May can you please hurry the hell up? We’ve been walking for little over half an hour and already you’re complaining that you’re tired. How do you expect us to get to Littleroot and catch Professor Birch if you won’t hurry up?”

“Oh shut it Brendan, you know damn well we will get there on time. Not like you would know, but it takes considerable effort to look cute at all times, and I’m not about to start this little trip of ours looking like I just rolled out of bed.”

“Um...you just did. Or at least you look the part...”

“Stop talking, Brendan. I would hate to have to be the one to report any terrible news to the professor on such a happy occasion.”

Brendan shot his cousin a smirk before slowing his gait, attempting to allow her to catch up. He was a boy of about 14, but carried with him a sense of pride and confidence engrained in him from birth. He wore his typical clothes - a red t-shirt layered with a sleek silver jacket left unzipped, blue jeans, and some white shoes. A red headband kept his short brown hair in place as he shifted around, adjusting the scarlet backpack he carried with him. Although he liked to keep calm and collected, his dark brown eyes betrayed the excitement he felt at starting his very own journey with pokemon, and they shone with a hints of mahogany. It did not bother him at all that he’d had to leave the Johto region, his lifelong home, to come adventure with May in the Hoenn region as arranged by his parents.

May, however, could care less about the pokemon journey and was more focused on the travel aspect. She twisted her face into the most apathetic expression she could conjure, clearly assuming it as part of her outfit. She wore a fitted red shirt with a blue collar, a white undershirt, and blue legging shorts underneath. Her red, white, and blue shoes matched perfectly with the pokeball-themed bandana on her head, as well as the white gloves she wore, tipped blue at the fingers. Around her waist was a small beige pack with two pockets that rested on her behind, clearly filled to capacity.

Despite the seeming hostility between them, the two cousins were actually very close. May’s mother, Caroline Michaels, had made it a point to frequently visit her brother - and Brendan’s father - Anthony Eversman in the Johto region, and vice versa. Along with their spouses Norman and Anne, respectively, they planned yearly family vacations and outings that had made Brendan and May inseparable, and such was the case now that they were beginning their travels.

“I guess you finally realized that Hoenn is the place to be,” taunted May. She knew that her protection was the sole reason her parents had asked Brendan to begin his adventure here, and although she loathed the idea of being unable to care for herself, she didn’t mind his company at all. “I mean it was only a matter of time, since Lilycove is infinitely more fun than Olivine. If I weren’t off on my own I’d be mad ****** that we moved to that blemish of a ‘city’ they call Petalburg.”

“Mmhmm,” replied a distracted Brendan. He knew very well what she was up to, but his attention was suddenly drawn to a large building down below. They had come to a stop on a relatively large hill, and could see Littleroot Town clearly before them. Of particular importance was the laboratory, which could be seen rising above the smaller homes. May stepped ahead of him slyly.

“Alright loser, follow me. Don’t worry about saying anything either, I’ll make sure the professor doesn’t mistake you for a new species of pokemon or anything like that. Right this way.”

Brendan rolled his eyes at her sarcasm, and obliged. After about fifteen minutes of asking the locals where to find Professor Birch, they finally arrived in front of his famed research facility. It was a large, white building of an architectural design seemingly out of place in the comparatively simple Littleroot Town.

On the west side of the building rose a cylindrical wing, spiraling upward in stark contrast to the relatively flat level to its left. Rather than a solid white surface, the entirety of the laboratory’s east wing consisted of large glass panels, allowing ample sunlight to enter the facility. Palm trees were scattered in the front yard, framing a sophisticated yet humble sign indicating the nature of the building. Behind it could be seen several acres of sprawling land that had been cleared for Professor Birch’s use. Seeing the two front doors slide open, Brendan and May mustered their confidence and proceeded. They hardly had a chance to look around, however, as the receptionist immediately recognized them and directed them to the East Wing Sunroom, where all starting trainers were directed.

“Please remain here until Professor Birch arrives. He should be here shortly to introduce you two to your starter pokemon,” explained the secretary. With a smile, she turned, exited the room, and returned to her work, leaving the two alone.

The room was simple enough. Two or three coffee tables were present, with a corresponding amount of TVs for the entertainment of the room’s guests. In the center of the room was a small counter with three pokeballs on it, and to the left of it was complicated machinery and a computer. The counter lining the room’s right wall, beside the refrigerator, was currently occupied by two red devices of an unknown nature, bathed in the sunlight that entered the room through the observation deck. Speaking of, the entire wall had been replaced with a window that opened up to the outside, and Brendan and May were lucky enough to have arrived on a day clear enough to see the southern sea in the horizon past the plains and forest. A throat cleared behind them.

“Welcome, May! My, my its been so long since I last saw you...you’ve grown so much!” exclaimed an energetic man. He was large, but not obese; his size stemmed from days spent in the field conducting research. His brown hair covered his forehead slightly, framing his face along with the scruffy beard that accompanied it. Beneath his white lab coat he wore a green shirt and khaki shorts, and his trademark flip flops smacked the tile as he circled the fledgling trainers, eyeing them eagerly.

“And you, Brendan, man how tall you’ve gotten. May remembers me but I’d sure be surprised if you did - you only ever met me once, and fleetingly at that!” Professor Birch let out a hearty laugh as he stepped toward the counter in the center of the table, motioning for them to join him with a wave of his hand.

“That’s enough of that. In case you two didn’t know, I’m Professor Birch, head researcher here at the Littleroot Lab and the Hoenn region’s representative to the Interregional Association of Pokemon Science, the IAPS. Currently, my research focuses on the interactions between pokemon and their environments, including what it is that makes them suited to living in the Hoenn region and how they grow in it. ON WITH THE SHOW, THEN!” he cried, unleashing the first pokemon.

A green and white pokeball was tossed into the air, orange stripes lining the top. In a flash of light, there appeared to the left of Brendan a sleek reptilian pokemon resembling a gecko. Its large eyes took in the surroundings as it folded its green arms, partially concealing its red underbelly. Behind it shook a thick green tail that split in two at the very tip. “Treecko,” it stated smugly.

“What do ya think of that one, eh?” asked Professor Birch eagerly, scrutinizing the faces of his two pupils for clues regarding their deepest thoughts. “Treecko is the grass-type starter pokemon offered here in the Hoenn region to only the luckiest of trainers. Despite its somewhat smug disposition, Treecko are quick, intelligent, and always an asset to their trainers,” he noted, as if selling the pokemon.

“Yeah but its so...creepy,” remarked May. “I don’t know but I could just never see myself with Treecko as my first pokemon. It’d fit Brendan just fine, though, I’m sure.”

“Haha, very funny,” replied Brendan. “It is definitely interesting, Professor. Could we see the other two before making our decisions, though?”

Professor Birch agreed quickly, snapping back into focus from his absent-minded daydream. The next pokeball he grabbed was an intense red all around, except for a black indentation on either side, toward the equator of the pokeball. “Alright, you’re next!” he cried as he tossed the ball into the air.

When the light cleared, a small chick pokemon had materialized in front Brendan and May. It’s entire body was a bright red-orange color, except for two underdeveloped wings, yellow in coloration. Atop its head was a crest consisting of three feathers positioned to vaguely resemble a flame, each of them tipped in yellow as well. “Torchic,” it squealed in a high-pitched voice.

“Awwwwwwww its so cute! exclaimed May, clearly drawn to the pokemon. “I don’t think I even need to see the last one, this is the one for me!”
“Hold on there, May,” cautioned Professor Birch. “The last thing you want to start your journey with is regret. That said, Torchic is an excellent choice for starting trainers. Being a fire-type, it is often considered the most difficult to raise of the three, but the results are well worth it. This is in direct contrast to Treecko who, being a grass-type, is frequently regarded as the easiest. That leaves the intermediate water-type,” he trailed as he picked up the final ball on the counter. It featured a white bottom half and a teal upper half, with black lines criss-crossing the top in a netlike pattern.

“Mudkip, show ‘em what you’ve got!” he commanded as he tossed the ball into the air. To the right of May appeared a small blue pokemon that stood on four legs. Its round head featured a prominent fin atop its head, as well as two sets of orange gills on either cheek. It also sported a large, almost clear fin on its rear. “MuuudKIP,” it cried.

“This is Mudkip, the water type. Mudkip are very attuned to their surroundings, which they monitor using the fin on their head as if it were a radar, and despite their small size are very strong. While they may not be as quick as Torchic, and definitely aren’t as fast as Treecko, they make up for it with their excellent sense of caution. So what’ll it be?” asked the Professor, leaning over the counter. Not bothering to decide who would pick first, May immediately scooped Torchic off the ground.

“Torchic is all mine!” she cried with delight. Even though she had never been a fan of pokemon in general, she couldn’t help but be drawn to this one in particular. “It’s so warm,” she remarked as she gave it a hug.

“Indeed,” Professor Birch confirmed. “The flame sac inside of Torchic’s body keeps it warm in all conditions. It is well-known as one of the species’ defining traits. It looks like you have 2 choices now, Brendan. May beat you this time, haha.”

“Yeah I guess so,” admitted Brendan slowly before continuing. “I think I’ll pick...Mudkip, the water-type.”

“Excellent choice! It won’t let you down, I promise. Oh! Before I forget,” started the Professor as he headed toward the red devices on the counter to the right. He handed them to Brendan and May, who were busy examining their pokemon.

“These items are called pokedexes,” he explained. “They contain data on every known pokemon in existence, and are sure to help you in your adventure, especially as you start out. Consider them a gift to you from me, in addition to the lifelong partners you’ve just acquired.”

“Thank you, Professor,” they both replied in unison.

“Now Brendan, I’ve been watching you eye these starter pokemon with curiosity and wonder. The both of you, actually, even though you attempt to hide it May. The Hoenn region finds itself in the perfect locale, and the varied environments support incredible biodiversity,” remarked Professor Birch affectionately as he put his hand on their shoulders and led them to the window.

“I hope the two of you realize that although these pokedexes are gifts, I do ask for a favor in return for receiving them. Look out of this window. The Hoenn region is one of spectacular natural habitats. The mountainous northwest, with the slumbering Mt. Chimney and ancient Meteor Falls. The level plains of the southwest, its white-sand beaches sloping gently into the warm southern seas. Proceed north, and you’ll arrive at the jungles of Fortree and Mt. Pyre before reaching the scattered islands of the eastern ocean. More than any other region, Hoenn is home to exotic and mysterious pokemon, many of which are found only here. I ask that you catch as many of them as possible and send them back here to my laboratory. Don’t worry, the ownership of them is all yours, but seeing them will greatly help me in my research. I’ll show you how to send them back here.”

Professor Birch opened up his own pokedex, the top of it hinged on the left and folding behind the screen. To the left were two black buttons. “This top button allows you to research any pokemon you are observing, beyond the initial description provided by the pokedex of course. It tells you when and where you caught your pokemon, information on its evolutionary cycle, the current attacks known by the pokemon, and attacks that it may potentially learn in the future. The button below it is used to activate the transfer mechanism built into every pokeball. If you’ve caught a pokemon you don’t wish to keep in your current team, simply press the button and the pokeball will vanish from before you and appear before me via advanced satellite technology, recently put into place thanks to the collaboration of the Mossdeep City Space Center with Silph Company of Saffron City. Understand? Excellent.”

Professor Birch observed the two for a second before continuing, nostalgia in his voice. “The same wonder and excitement you two currently feel is what motivates me to learn more about pokemon and their world, and I hope that they two of you never lose sight of the magnificence that these creatures possess.”

Moved by how genuine the professor’s speech was, May and Brendan grabbed the pokeballs belonging to each of their pokemon. For Torchic, the rarely distributed Cherish Ball, and for Mudkip, the specialty Net Ball. They packed away their pokedexes and, after receiving an additional five pokeballs to capture pokemon as they saw fit, prepared to leave. Professor Birch accompanied them to the door, noting that he was actually on his way out to conduct some field research on the laboratory grounds. The moment for their departure finally arrived.

Professor Birch climbed into his jeep, which was covered in mud and grass. Before leaving, he turned to them for some final words.

“Well you two, this is where I leave you. You can now claim to own your very own pokemon and, as such, are officially pokemon trainers, and pokedex holders at that! I’ll let you go with a wish for the best, a genuine hope that you are fulfilled by your travels, and a nod to the importance of caution. Farewell! Be sure to keep in touch!” he yelled, compensating for the growing space between them and the sound of the engine.

And with that, Brendan and May stood alone. Together, but alone. Ready to begin a journey that they would never have imagined in their wildest dreams.
 

neominitails

Beginning Trainer
Wow, I finished your prologue and chapter. Amazingly written descriptions in there.

----/----
About your prologue review:

It was very exciting indeed. Actually, I believe your ability to make a reader to see clearly what is being done is what makes it exciting.

However, I think the sheer amount of characters/pokemon in the prologue can make it slightly confusing as to whose fighting who and who did what and what side is so and so on...

Still, it was very interesting and it kept me on the edge of my seat. In the back if my head, I wondered who couldve caused this... Though I'm pretty sure that's in the deep past, like Feudal Era of Pokemon.

With a prologue like that, I hope you have a deep story for the past linking the future and present to the archaic times...

However, I did find the judgment scene not as realistic as I'd hope. Each pokemon has their own personality so it seems weird they'd all have the same reaction towards their unruly underlings.

Rating: 7.2/10

Chapter One:

Your description again is amazing.

So the May here is based off the game and anime version of her? I like it. I haven't gotten to the Pokemon Special manga where she's part of the storyline so if that's in the mix, I wouldn't know.

Brendan, nice crossing over him into the story saying the family wanted him to protect her. Nice!

Your characterization is nicely written in this chapter. If you used the characterization in this chapter in your prologue, the effect of it wouldve been ten times more amazing as it wouldve been easier to feel the tragedy of the situation.

May and Brendan's relationship is easily seen as close, written similar in the way of Usagi and Rei from Sailor Moon, making their arguments funny rather than insulting.

There was a point in this chapter where you placed a number down rather than writing it out. Twenty and under should pretty much always be spelled out to make it much easier to read and so that it's not awkwardly placed there.

So I'm assuming Brendan will be May's rival since he got the advantaged one of the trio?

I don't remember anything else to point out to you... Nothing major messed up.

Oh could you let me know when you update?

Btw, could you check out my story I posted on here. It called Our Destinies Intertwined.
 

Giratina!

Backstreet's back
Okay. So reading through the prologue, two words kept ringing through my mind: "Awesome!" and "What...?" The war itself was done well, but you really shouldn't have taken so much time to explain what the Legendaries looked like. In the middle of an action scene, every word that isn't directly related to the characters interacting with one another should be cut down so as not to break the flow - it was certainly an epic battle and very well written out, stellar vocabulary and good visualization... but you also took too many breaks for it to truly feel like a collective whole.

And then we come to chapter one. It's certainly an interesting scene, but the dialogue does seem a little awkward - while May clearly seems like the kind of high and mighty girl who would be spitting out curses at a blistering rate, somehow Brendan seems a little mature for that sort of thing? Just my thoughts. Also, I think it would be a good idea for you to learn the beauty of separating dialogue.

When reading a story, people like to know who's talking, right? So when we have a rather large string of dialogue, like, say, Birch's explanation from chapter one...

“That’s enough of that. In case you two didn’t know, I’m Professor Birch, head researcher here at the Littleroot Lab and the Hoenn region’s representative to the Interregional Association of Pokemon Science, the IAPS. Currently, my research focuses on the interactions between pokemon and their environments, including what it is that makes them suited to living in the Hoenn region and how they grow in it. ON WITH THE SHOW, THEN!”

...it seems a little incomplete to the reader, because we aren't exactly sure who's talking. Sure, acute readers can assume that it's Birch, but it's nice to have a clarification - and besides, it's easier for the non-acute readers as well. I'm sure we have some people here who don't think constantly about that sort of thing while they're reading a fanfic. Not to mention that aesthetically it just looks better if, after a long string of dialogue, there's no dialogue tag dangling off the end. If we merely move the dialogue tag and start up the dialogue again after it...

“That’s enough of that," said Professor Birch cheerfully. "In case you two didn’t know, I’m Professor Birch, head researcher here at the Littleroot Lab and the Hoenn region’s representative to the Interregional Association of Pokemon Science, the IAPS. Currently, my research focuses on the interactions between pokemon and their environments, including what it is that makes them suited to living in the Hoenn region and how they grow in it. ON WITH THE SHOW, THEN!”

There, doesn't that look nicer? Every time you have a long paragraph full of dialogue!exposition, it's always good to get the tag out of the way first, so that you can focus the reader on the actual explanation involved.

Otherwise, it does seem like a good story, even with just a prologue and one true chapter. Like many other prologues (including mine, heh) this one focuses on something big and Legendarian happening, some kind of disaster, and then switches right over to a couple of kids getting Pokémon. We've all seen it enough, but you did work it so that nothing felt too out of place. I'm also interested in watching an adventure through Hoenn; it's not an often-explored Region.
 

starterlover1

Emperor Coordinator
Thank you both for the reviews.

@Neominitails: The characterization of the legendary pokemon is definitely something I'll look into...I was concerned that the prologue might have become much too long. You are correct in assuming that May is based off the anime and games, but there will definitely be differences (even if not readily apparent). Thanks for the input!

@Giratina!: I see exactly what you mean with the dialogue, and I think I caught that a bit more toward the end of the chapter.

As far as Brendan and May are concerned, I was definitely trying to distinguish their personalities a bit. A more mature character is always good I feel, and I wanted May to take a different route than her somewhat stupid and faltering anime persona. I'm sure you'll see more as the story continues. Thank you for your advice, as well.

The next chapter should be up soon, by the way.
 

starterlover1

Emperor Coordinator
Chapter 2


The noontime sun beamed down onto Route 101, filtering through the leaves of the tall trees lining either side of the main path. A flock of Altaria flew high above in the clear blue skies, their cotton-like wings creating the illusion of slowly drifting clouds as their soprano voices rang out in a crystal-clear melody. They rode the same warm summer breeze that blew through the vegetation, which consisted of Pecha and Oran trees and provided a home to Zigzagoon and Wurmple alike. Meanwhile, a litter of Poochyena could be seen playing in various clearings among the bushes, their carefree ways facilitated by the watchful eyes of the Mightyena in the pack. Slowly but surely, a pair of two teenagers could be seen coming over the hill, Littleroot town barely visible behind them - May and Brendan.

“I can’t believe this ****,” began May with a scowl on her face. “No one ever told me that we would be walking from place to place, visiting every little pathetic excuse for civilization along the way. If I had known this beforehand I would gladly have taken up my parents on that offer to go to school in Mossdeep City.”

Brendan rolled his eyes. Unlike May, who had spent her life enjoying the finer things, he reveled in the outdoors and anything that involved adventure. He was by no means poor - his father enjoyed a similar amount of fame as May’s mother, and thus his family was very well off. But there was something that called him about exploration and danger that had not yet awakened within May.

He replied almost automatically, accustomed to his cousin’s cutting cynicism. “Oh please, save the drama will ya? I know that you wanted this just as much as -”

The speech was cut short as Brendan’s eyes focused their gaze on a small mammalian pokemon in the middle of the road. It’s fur consisted of alternating bands of brown and white, divided by zig-zagging lines. The black fur around its eyes gave it the appearance of a mask, and it sniffed actively with its small black nose. It was a Zigzagoon.

“Alright,” began Brendan, fierce determination in his eyes. “I’m going to show Professor Birch just how right he was in giving me my pokedex by capturing this Zigzagoon.”

As he reached for one of the five pokeballs at his hip, May interjected smartly. Although she meant no harm, it somewhat irked her that her cousin was already attempting to catch a pokemon - it would make her look bad if she were unable to do the same, at least in her mind. She couldn’t imagine being outperformed in her home region, and would not allow it whatsoever.

“Oh please Brendan, it’s just a measly little Zigzagoon,” she started. Professor Birch doesn’t want that for his research. I mean, you’re from the Johto region and you didn’t even need to grab your pokedex to know what that pokemon was. I highly doubt there is anything special left to learn about it at all.”

Brendan retorted promptly, slightly irritated by May’s attempts to discourage him. He knew her aim, and although he had come to accept it, he wished she would grow up just a tad faster. Regardless, his focus was unbroken as he grabbed the blue-and-white Dive Ball on his belt.

“Just stay over there and mind your business May. Mudkip, here’s your chance!”

Brendan’s starter pokemon appeared in a blue flash that somewhat resembled bubbles, and assumed its battle stance. The large, membranous tail fin swayed slowly from side to side. “Mudkip,” it stated slowly, drawing the attention of the previously-oblivious Zigzagoon.

“Alright, Mudkip,” started Brendan confidently. “Use your Bubble attack!”

The mudfish pokemon turned around, a confused expression on its face. It cocked its head to the side and uttered its name once more, as Brendan snapped back into focus, realizing why it was not attacking. Meanwhile, Zigzagoon ran toward Mudkip and rammed into it with a strong Tackle, throwing it off balance. May chuckled indulgently.

“Hahahahahaha, dumbass,” she began. “Obviously, Bubble is not an attack that Mudkip can use. Maybe you have a little homework to do?”

“Shut the hell up, I know for a fact you haven’t got a clue what your Torchic can do,” replied Brendan quietly as he pulled out his pokedex. Recalling Professor Birch’s instructions, he checked Mudkip for the moves it could use. “Alright let’s try this again Mudkip - use Water Gun!”

Mudkip responded immediately this time, shaking its fin while unleashing a powerful jet of water toward Zigzagoon. The clear blue water sped toward the raccoon, but to Brendan’s dismay the attack missed as the raccoon stepped aside and turned around. It began to kick with its feet, whipping up a cloud of dust to hide itself - a Sand-Attack. By the time the cloud had settled, Zigzagoon was nowhere to be found.

“Wh-where’d it go?” asked May with genuine curiosity. She thought it was preparing another attack, but was quickly corrected.

“It fled,” said Brendan flatly. “I failed to capture it and it got away.”

“No big deal,” said May in return. Despite her selfishness, she did feel a bit bad for him. “There’s plenty more where that hideous little creature came from. I swear they are crawling all over this route.”

“Mmhmm,” replied Brendan. Mudkip, however, did not seem to mind as much. It had walked over to Brendan and May and was now sitting by his leg calmly. Noting this, Brendan decided to go ahead and leave it out of its pokeball.

The three of them continued to walk along the route, encountering countless more Zigzagoon along the way. Despite his best efforts, Brendan was still unable to successfully capture any of the Zigzagoon he faced, and the majority of them simply fled. Finally, they sat down in a clearing for a snack. Seeking shelter in the shade of a large tree, Brendan and May watched quietly as Mudkip swam in the small pond nearby, and ate their Pecha berries distractedly.

“You know, I’m not really sure what the hell the my problem is,” said Brendan. “They always run away after a certain point, even when Mudkip misses with its attacks. The one Zigzagoon that actually stayed around long enough for me to throw a pokeball at it broke out immediately and ran away then. How are you supposed to catch one of these things?

“I don’t even know why you’re so damn set on catching a Zigzagoon anyway,” chided May. “A flea-infested, overgrown raccoon that isn’t even capable of walking in a straight line isn’t exactly my idea of the ideal pokemon.”

“It’s not the pokemon itself, May,” replied Brendan distantly. He stood to pick another Pecha Berry from off the tree, when Mudkip’s calls quickly drew his attention. May couldn’t help but look over as well.

Mudkip was now standing in the middle of the clearing, facing off against a small blue pokemon with a green leaf on top, a small triangular piece missing from the back. Its mouth was comically shaped like that of a duck, and it had three stubby legs on either side of its body. Brendan ran over immediately and scanned it with his pokedex.

“Lotad, the Water Weed pokemon. A Water/Grass type, Lotad live on the surface of ponds and lakes where they float on the surface. It grows weak if its broad leaf dies. On rare occasions, this pokemon travels on land in search of clean water.”

Brendan wasted no time in preparing to capture it, standing behind Mudkip. He felt relatively confident, as he had memorized four of Mudkip’s attacks.

“Start this off with a Mud Slap attack, Mudkip!” he cried.

“Muuuuuudkip!” yelled the small blue pokemon, turning so that its left side was facing the Lotad. With a flick of its tail, it scooped up some of the mud beneath it and sent it flying toward Lotad, who easily took the attack and began to retaliate.

“Loooooooooo,” it stated, the leaf on its head beginning to glow a bright green. Suddenly, a stream of energy shot forth from it and engulfed Mudkip in it, draining energy and transferring it back to Lotad - an Absorb attack. Mudkip winced in pain, though it held its ground as the attack continued.

“Brendan do something!” shrieked May from the sidelines with uncharacteristic concern. Even though she had selected Torchic, she did have a soft spot for Mudkip as it was cute in her opinion, and she didn’t like to see it in pain.

“Um, uh...Growl Mudkip!” stammered Brendan, shocked that Mud Slap did so little damage and unsure of how to get Mudkip out of the current situation.

“Kiiiiiiiiiiip,” cried the small pokemon, closing its eyes as it did so. The sound-based assault shocked the Lotad into stopping its attack. Brendan jumped at the opportunity.

“Now,” he said with growing confidence, “use Water Gun on that Lotad!”

Mudkip obliged, firing off a stream of clear, blue water from its mouth once again. The attack pushed Lotad backward slightly, as its footing was unsure in the mud by the pond, but it had little effect. In fact, it did not even need to close its eyes. Instead, it produced a flurry of rotating leaves from the leaf on its head, and they sped toward Mudkip in a hurry. Brendan did not need May’s help to realize what attack it was.

“Get out of the way Mudkip!” he yelled worriedly. “That’s a Razor Leaf attack!”

Halting its Water Gun attack, the mudfish jumped out of the way just in time to avoid the full brunt of the attack, though it was still hit on the tail, and a stray leaf cut into its left hind leg. As Mudkip winced in pain and let out a small cry, Lotad made its way to the pond, hopped in, and disappeared, submerging itself entirely.

“Mudkip, no! Are you alright!” cried Brendan as he ran over to his starter pokemon and friend, instinctively crouching down. Mudkip replied cheerfully, walking off the pain and jumping onto his shoulder. May, meanwhile, had already packed up all of their things into her pack and his. She glanced at him, shrugged, and wordlessly motioned toward the road, visible just beyond a few trees.

A good half hour had passed before Brendan spoke up again. Both trainers had been lost in their thoughts (although May was more concerned with her hair), and were hoping that Oldale Town was getting close.

“You know,” started Brendan lightly, “even though I didn’t catch any pokemon today, I think I’ve already learned alot. I mean, I know what types of moves Mudkip can use, I know the types of a pokemon or two, and if nothing else, I got to battle against a real wild pokemon. I’m satisfied.”

“Cool story, bro,” remarked May nonchalantly. She did, however, flash him a rare smile indicating that she wasn’t serious in her condescension. “I’m just disappointed that I haven’t seen a single cute pokemon in all this time. I mean, Zigzagoon is ugly as hell, and the beak or whatever ruined anything that Lotad had going for it.”

“Maybe not,” suggested Brendan, pointing to a pokemon that had previously gone unnoticed as it crossed the path. “You might like that one.”

A small pokemon crawled across the dirt road. The top of its body was red and suggested a spiny texture, while it had a cream coloration on its segmented underbelly. It had large yellow eyes on either side of its head with large black pupils, as well as five pairs of small white feet. Atop its head was a sharp yellow stinger just beneath a prominent red spike; two of these stingers were also present on is rear. May pulled out her pokedex to scan it, its analysis beginning shortly after.

“Wurmple, the Worm pokemon. Wurmple are targeted as prey by Swellow and Starly, and will attempt to resist any predators by pointing the spikes on its rear at them. They ooze a potent poison that sufficiently weakens the foe to allow Wurmple’s escape.”

Despite attempting to appear as if she did not entirely care about everything that went on around her, she was actually very observant and had learned from Brendan’s mistakes. Her mind, which was often at work generating witty remarks and sarcastic comments, was currently developing a strategy (though none could have guessed this simply by looking at her face).

“Awwwwww its so cute!” she cried, reaching for the Cherish Ball on her belt. “I don’t even care that it’s a bug-type. Watch and learn, Brendan.”

Brendan rolled his as as she tossed the ball into the air, revealing Torchic in a flash of rainbow-colored lights. Torchic curiously took in its surroundings, as the Wurmple looked straight at it with a smirk. The chick pokemon swayed slightly from side to side, unsure of itself.

“Unlike you, Brendan, I’ve already checked out some of Torchic’s moves,” taunted May with a smirk. “Alright Torchic, fire an Ember attack!”

Torchic responded, spreading its small feet to give it some footing. It closed its eyes and fired off a flurry of small, red-orange fireballs toward Wurmple.

“Chiiiiiiiic!” it cried.

Wurmple, however, was prepared. Moving with surprising speed for such a slow-looking pokemon, it jumped out of the way and attempted to flee into the bushes. Brendan, who had been standing on the sidelines, perked up, wondering what May would do differently than himself.

“Oh no you don’t,” muttered May. “You won’t be getting away from me that easily - Torchic, try and keep your eyes open this time, you won’t hit anything that you can’t see. Now, how about a Peck?”

“Tor,” nodded the chick pokemon, relieved that May did not explode on it for missing. It got a running start and then leapt toward Wurmple, its short beak poked forward. What happened, however, was far from the expectations May had.

“Wurmple,” said the bug-type calmly as it produced a string of shining white silk from its mouth. The attack, a String Shot, completely covered Torchic, glueing it to the floor and immobilizing it. Satisfied with its work, the Wurmple crawled into the bushes and disappeared into the woods.

Although he was decidedly more mature than May, Brendan was eager to put her in her place, as she had been taunting him and building herself up all day. He clapped loudly as he approached May, who in turn was busy helping release Torchic.

“Well, well, well,” began Brendan. “The only thing I’ve learned is that a little silk is more than enough to stop your Torchic in its tracks. I can only imagine what water would do.”

“Oh shut it,” she retorted crossly. “Don’t get all high and mighty with me just because I didn’t catch that Wurmple. The fact is, I let that Wurmple get away. I could tell from the moment I started battling it that it wasn’t for me; too damn calm, always waiting for Torchic to make the first move. It’s not like it got away of its own free will like your failed attempts.”

Although May was quite satisfied with her excuses, Brendan saw right through them.

“Just drop the ********, May,” he shot back. “You and I both know Torchic was powerless in that fight, despite your type advantage. I’ve never seen anything more ridiculous.”

“Tor!” cried Torchic, now newly freed from the web of silk that had previously entangled it. It did not appreciate the comments and decided to peck Brendan on the leg.

“Kip, Kip, Kiiip!” Mudkip replied, pushing Torchic aside with its tail as it came to its trainer’s aid. May momentarily glanced down at the scene before scolding Brendan.

“Oh whatever, if you think you’re better than me then we can settle this right now,” she challenged. “Oh and tell your Mudkip to keep its muddy paws off of Torchic. It might soil its feathers.”

“Settle this? As in a battle? Against me? You can’t be serious,” laughed Brendan. “Alright, alright, I’ll play your little game once we get to Oldale Town. It’s right down the hill; maybe by then Mudkip will have entirely re-colored your Torchic.”

“Why wait until Oldale Town?” asked May coyly. “It’s only 6:30, and the sun won’t be setting for a while. We have plenty of time for a battle, and can still make it by sundown. Unless, of course, you’re scared that you’ll lose.”

Brendan had heard enough. Not only had he taken on more pokemon than May had, but he had the type advantage thanks to his Mudkip being a water-type. This match was in the bag, and would no doubt put an end to the snide remarks, at least to an extent.

“Fine, then,” he shrugged as he stepped into the grassy field to their right. “We’ll battle right here, right now. Just try not to cry once I’ve won, it’ll ruin your make-up before we even make it to the first town.”

“You’re funny,” she replied icily. “The only make-up that you need to worry about is your own. When I’m through with you, you’ll need it to hide your face from the general public.”

“Chic!”

“Mud!”
 

neominitails

Beginning Trainer
Thanks for the PM. I do hope to review every chapter as often as I can.

Onto your review:

The chapter was cute although I've always had a completely different view on Zigzagoon than May, having always thought it was one of the cutest pokemon of that region, lol. I found May's characterization to be very interesting and lovable and the boy's character likewise...

However, May is definitely my favorite of the two although Brendan's characterization is still well-written. I was surprised however that he didn't already check his pokemon's moves before he got in battle.

Brenden seems more compulsive than his cousin.

Your description:
it's overdone. Try to lighten up on how much description you use. It's not bad to describe things because it's usually what I'm telling people to add more due to the usual lack of it.

However, your description becomes overbearing after awhile. Something you could do to help this would be check what kind of description you're doing and if you notice more than 1 1/2 paragraphs are descriptions only when they're together, it's too much.

What do I mean by type?

Type= physical, emotional, and hinted

Those are the three main types of descriptions. They help improve writing by tenfolds, sometimes hundred-folds.

Physical is the most boring type of description and should be used less often in an fanfiction where for the most part people are aware of what characters or certain things look like.

However, physical description can be used effectively to set up a scene, to set a mood. Like describing a prison before introducing the inmate inside.

Emotional description:

This type of description is used to draw the reader into the emotions of your character whether sad, happy, or nonchalant. This is most often used by writers.

Hinted description:
This is used as a description for something familiar. Like saying, the brown haired girl sighed. The hint is brown-haired girl allowing for the reader to take the hint of whom you're talking about without needing overdone details.

The problem is you use mostly physical but you need to use more of the other two and become effective at mixing it up. Physical gets boring easily especially if it goes for longer than one paragraph...

Your dialogue:
I like it. I could see them saying what they said.
However, try not to be so wordy with their speeches or even the description within the paragraphs unless it's emotional description wherefore it's needed.

The semi-colon:

I remember you using one in your story where May is lying about why she couldn't catch that pokemon. It was used wrong and a colon wouldve been better used. A semi-colon is only meant for a compound sentence, the use of two sentences.

Rating: 7/10

- Neo
 

starterlover1

Emperor Coordinator
Wow its been a while. Hey everyone, I've got a couple of chapters done and have uploaded them, I just didn't have time previously because of finals. Bear with me as the story is taking a little while to take off, but it will eventually I promise. Anyway, here's chapter 3.


Chapter 3

“Alright, Torchic,” started May loudly. “It’s about time we show these two who’s boss. Start this off with your Scratch attack!”

“Chic chic chic chic, chic chic chic chic,” chanted Torchic as it ran at its opponent. It was seriously hyped up and could feel May’s determination.

“Mudkip, dodge the attack, then put it in its place with your Tackle!” retaliated Brendan with confidence.

Mudkip, equally as determined as Torchic, attempted to jump out of the way to the left, but Professor Birch’s admonition about speed quickly sprang to Brendan’s mind; Torchic reacted much more quickly than he had anticipated, and its small-but-sharp claws dug into the target.

“Kip Kip!” it cried, shaking its head in an attempt to brush off the damage. May didn’t want to give it that chance.

“Good, Torchic, now use your Peck while you are still near it,” she ordered.

“Growl!” yelled Brendan, hoping that the intimidation tactic would work on Torchic in the same way that it had with Lotad. But to no avail.

Despite their differences and the fact that their loyalties now lay with different trainers, the two starter pokemon had been together essentially from birth. Their eggs had been shipped to Professor Birch’s lab along with Treecko’s, and Torchic was well aware that there lay no real threat in this growl. With this knowledge, it continued to charge forth and pecked Mudkip several times on the head.

“Shake it off, Mudkip, use Water Gun!” shrieked Brendan, desperation in his voice.

Despite his orders, however, Mudkip was simply unable to regain focus, as Torchic was intent on continuing its Peck attack. May smirked, assuredly.

“What’s the matter, Brendan?” she asked, feigning stupidity. “I thought you had the type advantage?”

She was quickly forced to eat her words, however, as an idea popped into Brendan’s mind.

“Mudkip,” he began with regained composure. “Use your tail to hit Torchic with a Mud Slap!”

That was an order the mudfish could obey. With a flick of its powerful tail, Torchic was bombarded with mud, which covered its body and face. It shook its head from side to side attempting to clear its field of vision - Torchic were well-known to fear the unknown, and choked up if they were unaware of their surroundings.

“Torchic!” cried May with worry, the tide of battle having turned against her. “Quick, use an Ember attack to push Mudkip away!”

“Chiiii!” chirped the young bird pokemon. It generated small sparks of fire from its beak, as its target was much closer this time around. Still, the attack missed due to Torchic’s disorientation, and the chick was left exposed to Mudkip, who positioned itself for an attack.

“Sorry about this, May,” said Brendan with a victorious grin. “Mudkip, wipe the mud off of Torchic’s face with your Water Gun attack!”

It was now Mudkip’s turn to take advantage of the situation. Despite the physical assaults that it had been harassed with, it regained its breath and fired a jet of water at Torchic, the force pushing the small pokemon back to May’s side of the field.

“Tooor!” squeaked Torchic, its cries muffled by the water in its face. When the attack had ended, Torchic was left lying on the ground, a dazed expression in its eyes. It had fainted.

“No...” whispered May to herself as she picked Torchic up in her arms. “Torchic, are you okay?” She looked up at Brendan with a fierce glare.

“That was just cruel,” she began. “There was no need to blast Torchic like that at such close range. Now look what’s happened! It’s too tired to walk even! What am I supposed to do!?”

“Relax, May,” replied Brendan cooly. “There’s a reason I wanted to have this battle in Oldale Town - one of us was bound to lose, and we could have gotten help for whichever pokemon of ours fainted. Fortunately, the town isn’t that far off. Give me your hand, I’ll help you up.”

Thinking over his words, May finally agreed to follow his plan of action. Carrying Torchic in her arms, she quietly followed him into Oldale City, where they quickly located the Pokemon Center. It fleetingly occurred to her that her own selfish need to prove herself had, for a second, come before the consideration of Torchic’s health. She thought over this as she approached the desk, then shook it off.

“Hello there,” began the woman behind the desk. Her dark blue eyes shone invitingly, while she twirled one of the two loops of red hair on either side of her face with a pencil. Short bangs peeked out from underneath her nurse’s cap, which was part of her nurse’s uniform.

“My name is Nurse Joy, welcome to the Oldale Town Pokemon Center,” she continued. “Here we restore your pokemon to full health regardless of their condition, using the latest in pokemon medicine and the highest standard of patient care. How can I help you?”

“Hello,” started May, comforted by Nurse Joy’s invitation. “My Torchic fainted from a battle with my cousin here, and I was wondering if you could treat it? I’m not really sure what to do...”

“Oh, is that all?” asked Nurse Joy cheerily. “All your Torchic will need is a bit of rest. Admission to the Center is probably unnecessary, but let’s just be on the safe side. Are the two of you new trainers?”

Brendan and May nodded. They were slightly uncomfortable about how blatantly obvious that fact was. Nurse Joy seemed to make nothing of it.

“Haha, we get new trainers here all the time, on their way from LittleRoot,” she said quickly, noting their self-awareness. “Allow me to explain a few things to you then. Chansey, can you please take this Torchic to the back?”

The pokemon she was asking stepped out from behind her. It was a round pink pokemon in the shape of an egg, with three strands of hair, a darker coloration, coming off the sides of its head. Its short arms hung next to a large white egg located in a darker pink pouch.

“Chansey!” it stated joyously, pushing the small cot on which Torchic was located into a back room.

“Wow,” noted Brendan as Chansey left. “I’ve never seen a Chansey so close like that before. They’re supposedly exceedingly rare and found only in Kanto, right?”

“That’s correct,” nodded Nurse Joy as she stepped out from behind the counter. “I do believe the Sinnoh region also has one or two reported sightings, but even if they prove to be true, their exact location would be highly difficult to uncover. They may not look like it, but Chansey can move very quickly.”

“Hmm, that’s cool,” interjected May, who had been admiring Chansey’s cuteness. “Did you say you wanted to explain something to us?”

“Oh yes I did, just follow me,” replied Nurse Joy. “This, as you know, is a pokemon center. Although our main function is to provide pokemon with medical services, we do provide trainer services as well, free of cost. We have a cafeteria, lounge, and various bedrooms for trainers seeking to stay the night. All this is paid for through sales taxes, of course. A laundry room is available in the basement if you need it, as well. Oh, we also have a small selection of trainer items such as Potions and Antidotes, but you’ll have to go to a PokéMart if you’re seeking a broader selection.”

She stepped back, the group having reached the bedrooms.

“Here are your rooms. Feel free to make yourselves at home. As I mentioned, we have a cafeteria and lounge so you should have plenty to do for a small while. May, your Torchic should be restored to full health by tomorrow morning, and you may even find that it has a slight energy boost! Chansey’s eggs tend to do that, you know.”

With that, Nurse Joy left them alone, returning to the front desk to attend to further clients. The rooms were nothing special, but not shabby either. Directly opposite the door was a small bureau with a lamp on either edge, and a medium-sized window above it. On either side of the table was a twin-sized bed with a green and white bedspread, as well as three pillows and a towel on each. Finally, two desks stood at the foot of each bed, a sleek computer on each and a television mounted on the wall above it, angled so that it could be viewed from the bed. Casting a cursory glance at the towels, May declared that she would be first to take a shower, followed by Brendan.

After each taking a quick shower, the two decided to pay the Oldale Town Pokémart a visit and stock up on supplies. Although the sun had already set, the night air retained the majority of its warmth, and made the walk through the town a pleasant one. May spoke up.

“Listen, Brendan,” she started. “I know I was a little harsh earlier, but I was just really confused about what to do. I didn’t mean to yell at you.

“Wait? Is that...could that be...May Michaels...apologizing!?” taunted Brendan. It was not something May did often, so the added humor helped her along and served as Anthony’s acceptance of her semi-apology, a performance they had rehearsed many times before.

“I just hope you don’t get too cocky,” continued May. “I would hate to have to help you out of depression when your imminent defeat does actually happen.”

“Haha,” laughed Brendan as they reached a building with a blue roof labeled “Pokemon Mart.”

“Why don’t we focus on getting these supplies before the Mart closes first?” he asked.

The inside of the PokéMart was fairly simple. Several checkout lanes lined the front of the store, with the rest of the building divided into produce, general items, and pokemon medicine. May and Brendan decided to split up to get everything they needed. They had enough money to purchase what they needed, and then some.

“Alright,” began Brendan as he looked around. “How about I grab the groceries and medicine while you check out the general items?”

“You see normally I’d agree,” explained May sarcastically, “but I like for ideas to make sense before I do that. Groceries and Medicine are on opposite sides of the store, dumbass. You just worry about the groceries and I’ll handle the rest. It’s not like we need much from general, anyway; Professor Birch gave us five pokéballs each, and then of course you have those custom pokéballs you brought with you from Johto.”

“How’d you know about those?” asked Brendan incredulously. He was drawing blanks as to how she could have gathered that information.

“I just happened to stumble across them when I was getting my pokedex out of your backpack earlier, since you took it from me after our battle,” replied May without missing a beat, slightly annoyed. “Now hurry up, fool, this place closes at nine! It’s not like we’re in the Lilycove Department Store or anything, jesus!”

In the span of thirty minutes, the two of them successfully gathered lunch and dinner supplies for the next few days, pokemon medicine consisting of potions, antidotes, and parlyz heals, and two repels from the general items section. It was their return that was interesting.

Brendan and May were just around the corner of the pokemon center when the sound of helicopter blades drew their attention. The two of them stopped to stare at it as it headed just north of them, and were just barely able to decipher an odd-looking insignia in the shape of the letter “A” painted onto the side. Thinking nothing of it, Brendan continued on, reaching the doors of the pokemon center after a few steps. May, however, remained suspicious.

Who the hell flies a helicopter at this hour, especially in a country-*** place like this,” she wondered.

Regardless, she followed Brendan inside, where she was immediately confronted by Nurse Joy.

“Thank goodness you’re back, May!” she cried. “Your Torchic is feeling better already, but became extremely upset when you were nowhere to be found. It even went so far as to attack a trainer with its Ember attack for attempting to feed it!”

“Oh no,” replied May apologetically. “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I mean I never...Torchic hasn’t...I just got it and...where is it?”

“Right here,” responded Joy as she handed May her Cherish Ball. “I had no choice but to recall it.”

Nurse Joy prepared to head back to work when she paused and turned around for a final word.

“Listen, May, don’t get too upset or anything over this, I realize that you are a new trainer. But a trainer carries such a title for a reason - you can’t just have your pokemon assaulting other people! You may need to discipline Torchic appropriately unless you want this type of behavior to continue.”

Having delivered her admonition, Nurse Joy went along her way. May, however, angrily ran outside, Brendan right behind her. She released Torchic instantly, who appeared before her knowing what was to come.

“Torchic!” exploded May. “You made me look like a fool in there, do you realize that!? Don’t think you’ll get off easy for this - that’s two less Oran Berries for you at breakfast tomorrow!”

“Chiiiiic!” complained the small bird, hopping up and down as tears welled up in its eyes. Brendan spoke up in its defense.

“Come on May, it was just scared because it was in a new place and it couldn’t find any familiar faces,” he suggested. “Maybe a lighter sentence? Yeah?”

“Well I guess I cou - NO!” replied May. She was resolved to handle this and prove herself as a trainer, especially following her defeat at the hands of Brendan. She looked at Torchic as she spoke to her cousin.

“Torchic needs to learn that there are consequences for its actions, and that it can’t just go around doing whatever it wants and attacking people. It’s not classy and, most importantly, it makes me look bad. My decision remains.”

Torchic, who had remained hopeful once Brendan had come to its aid, was shaken to the core. It had never been in such a situation back at Professor Birch’s lab, and that memory brought back to it an image of Treecko, whom it and Mudkip had left behind. Combined with the emotional strain of being punished and the fear that had gripped Torchic once it snapped out of its unconsciousness earlier, it was just too much to bear - the chick burst into tears and fled toward Route 103, not bothering to look back.

“Fine, then, run off you little crybaby,” scoffed May, turning around to head back into the Pokemon Center. “You’ll be back.” Brendan, however, stood in her way.

“May, what the hell are you doing?,” he scolded angrily. “You know damn well that a Torchic cannot survive out on its own like that at night. Who knows what kind of pokemon are out there just waiting for the right prey to fall into their hands? I am not letting you back into this building until you have Torchic with you once again.”

May sighed. Deep down, she knew quite well that Brendan was right. In fact, she had not the least desire to punish Torchic at all, and nearly faltered when she saw the tears in its eyes. She could not explain it, and was surprised at herself for feeling it, but a connection had developed in the course of a single day that she never would have noticed had this not happened. She began to walk toward Route 103, the dark forest looming in the distance.

“Hurry up and call out Mudkip, then,” she grumbled. “We can use that weird radar thing it does to find Torchic and finally crawl into our beds when we get back. That school in Mossdeep sounds more and more appealing by the minute...”

Torchic came to a halt, sitting down next to a tree to catch its breath. It had gotten quite the head start and was very deep into the forest - only now was it beginning to realize what it had done. Nervously, it stood up and checked out its surroundings, jumping at the sound of an eerie noise coming from somewhere up above.

“Tor...Torchic?” it asked trepidatiously, half-hoping that it would be heard and half-hoping that it would get no response. The latter proved to be the case. Growing slightly more confident, Torchic shot a fireball or two in front of it, illuminating an Oran Tree across the road to its left. Shooting down the berries with its Ember, it sat down and began to eat, unaware that it was being watched from behind. The snapping of a twig drew its attention.

Turning around just in time, it barely managed to avoid the Mightyena that charged at it from the low shrubbery across the road. The hyena’s red eyes gleamed brightly, and its black fur shone in the moonlight as it chased Torchic through the woods. To the chick’s dismay, a second Mightyena leapt from behind a fallen log, forcing Torchic to abruptly turn right. The chase continued for several additional minutes, proceeding deeper and deeper into the forest. Just as the Mightyena’s jaws were about to snap shut on the chick, it unleashed a burst of speed that even it was unaware it could summon. Slightly startled, the Mightyena resumed their chase, following the trail of white light that Torchic was leaving behind. Though it was unaware of it, it was somehow using the Agility technique. Despite this, the chase was close. It was several minutes until Torchic finally managed to narrowly evade the snarling jaws behind it by ducking into a tree hollow, the wolves slamming into it with their momentum. They continued to do so as Torchic pressed itself as far away from the opening as possible, trying to stall the inevitable.

Fortunately for Torchic, the tree was home to a family of Wurmple, Cascoon, and Dustox. Descending from the tree to defend their offspring, the moths fired a Poison Sting, creating purple needles that rained down onto the Mightyena. When the hunters refused to give up, a Whirlwind forcibly blew them away, allowing the quiet of the forest to return once again.
 

starterlover1

Emperor Coordinator
Chapter 4​

An hour or so passed before the quiet was disrupted once again. Torchic, who had fallen asleep, peeked out of the hollow fearfully, trying to stay hidden from the family of Dustox and Mightyena alike. It watched cautiously as a group of sinister-looking people hurried down the road. The males of the group wore black and white striped shirts, blue pants with a strange “A” marking running down the side of the left leg, and a blue bandana with the same marking. The females wore the same, with the exception of the shirt being cut off above the belly button.

Once they had passed, Torchic stepped out into the road looking after them, wondering what they were up to but too naïve to even consider the possibility of their having evil plans.

“Torchic!” called a female voice behind it.

“Chic!” squeaked the small pokemon, running toward it. Finally, it leapt into the arms of May, who stood beside Brendan and Mudkip.

“Don’t ever do that again, Torchic. You had me scared to death,” scolded May softly. “Now let’s go back to the Pokemon Center and get some sleep.”

Torchic, jumped out of May’s arms immediately, chirping in protest. It pointed using its beak in the direction of the suspicious culprits, which was reinforced by Mudkip’s detection of their presence with its radar fin.

“Looks like Torchic and Mudkip know something we don’t,” observed Brendan. “Let’s follow them, what can it hurt?”

Knowing that she was outnumbered, May obliged. Following the instruction of Mudkip’s radar, the two cousins crept silently down the road until they reached a grassy field, the helicopter they had previously seen left unattended in it. On the opposite side of the field was a large, blue lake, its waters serenely lapping the shore under the crescent moon. May immediately pointed out the helicopter, and the group hid in the bushes for safety.

No sooner had they crouched down than a few of the suspicious troupe’s members rose from what seemed to be directly out of the lake, a Mightyena with them. Torchic, paranoid of the dark, generated a small Ember to see better, immediately alerting Mightyena.

“No, what are you doing?” whispered Brendan. “Mudkip Water Gun, quick!”

Mudkip managed to put out the Ember, but it was too late. Mightyena’s keen senses of hearing and smell had betrayed their location, and it growled fiercely while crouching low. A woman with long, red-brown hair and a blue vest turned around, wondering what Mightyena was staring at. There was an allure about her that stemmed from her cold and calculated disposition. Her name was Shelly, a high-ranking officer of Team Aqua.

“Don’t just sit there Mightyena, just flush out whoever is in those bushes,” she barked harshly. “Those Magma *****es have some real balls to spy on us.”

Mightyena leapt into action, giving chase. Brendan, May, Mudkip, and Torchic evaded as best they could, just barely avoiding the sharp fangs of the wolf. Mightyena stood behind them, preventing their escape so that Shelly could address them.

“Well what have we here?” she taunted as she sized them up. “Looks like Team Magma is getting more desperate by the minute, sending two scrawny little teenagers to do their bidding with a Torchic and Mudkip. Although...those two pokemon are quite rare even here in their native region. I’ll have to take the two of them as your apology for spying on us. Follow me.”

Confused, Brendan and May followed, a dumb look on their faces. They suspected that something was up, but they had no evidence. In addition, attempting to escape would result in agonizing wounds caused by Mightyena, so listening to orders was their best choice.

The three of them walked to the shore of the beach, were a motorized raft was inflated for their use. Once they had reached the center of the lake (which was much larger than they had originally pictured), Shelly released a Wailmer into the water. The round blue pokemon, quite large for being the first stage of its evolutionary line, waiting patiently.

“Perhaps the two of you will see something we didn’t. Get on Wailmer and keep your mouths shut, the last thing I need right now is two angsty teens on my ***,” commanded Shelly. Despite being held hostage, May couldn’t help but chuckle at the underlying tones of sarcasm.

“Dive, Wailmer.”

Wailmer obliged, producing a bubble of air that completely enveloped the three of them as they dove deeper into the lake, their vision obscured by the dark waters. Mudkip, pleased, made an effort to swim on its own when a low growl from Mightyena suggested otherwise. Thinking it best to protect them, Brendan and May recalled their starter pokemon. Eventually, there appeared a dim blue light as the group progressed downward toward the bottom of the lake. It became brighter and brighter until the object of Team Aqua’s curiosity became clear - a submerged temple, lit up by the sapphire-colored stones embedded in the once-magnificent architecture. Wailmer swam beneath it and began to surface, revealing an air pocket that allowed for breathing beneath the surface of the lake without assistance.

“What is this place,” asked Brendan, addressing himself more than anyone else. He stared in awe at the well-lit passages and wall murals, silently following Shelly as she led them to a main room, other Aqua members studying the markings and paintings around them. He was about to make another comment when he was promptly interrupted.

“Alright, your little tour is over. Obviously, we don’t expect you to know what these markings mean, but look at the pictures and tell us what you find. Then we can finally settle this issue and get the hell out of this place,” muttered Shelly.

The room glowed a cool blue color, courtesy of the fluorescent sapphire gems that adorned the enclosure. On either side of Brendan and May were various scenes depicting what seemed to be ancient rituals, though they were significantly deteriorated and worn away. Brendan analyzed the drawing on the left, which consisted of rudimentarily drawn people praying to the heavens, rain falling immediately after. On the right, May looked over a more somber drawing. A great flood was enveloping a village, washing away homes, food, and even people. But it was the depiction straight ahead of them that most intrigued Team Aqua.

Outlined in sapphires was the shape of a large pokemon similar to that of a killer whale, its streamlined body ending in a point with two tattered tail fins on either side, the outer fin longer than the one on the inside. It’s large pectoral fins spread out on either side imposingly, as if they were wings rather than fins. Finally, there were two perfect blue circles on either side of the pokemon.

“How are we supposed to know what this means,” scoffed May as she walked over to the circle on the right. “The most we can do is take a pictu-”

Her words stopped there as she stood fixed in place. She had stepped on a faulty tile in the floor which sunk a bit, pushing out the circle in front of her and making a clunking sound. All of the Aqua members looked at Brendan suspiciously.

“Well, kid, what are you waiting for, step in front of the other circle,” cried one of the men, not wanting to have to do the task himself. Brendan obliged, and the same thing happened as before. With both rings now protruding from the wall, the mural began to split in the center and open, revealing a small table with a turquoise pendant and scroll in the center. The walls of the room were made entirely of glass, with the exception of a marble patch embedded in the wall, vaguely resembling the shape of the Hoenn region. As May and Brendan attempted to move and get a closer look, Shelly quickly put them in their place.

“Not another move,” she hissed. “We, Team Aqua, will take it from here.”

May was not pleased.

“Uh, hello, we did the work,” she retorted. “Who are you anyway with all this Team Aqua nonsense? Cut the ******** already and get over yourselves. It’s not like you were able to figure this easyass puzzle on your own anyway.”

Shelly returned her gaze, smugly petting her Mightyena to help them remember the details of the situation. “Who are we?” she began. “We are Team Aqua, a charitable organization focused on the expansion of the seas and restoration of Hoenn’s water supplies so that people and pokemon alike can experience the wonder of the ocean. I’ll have you know that this little expedition has proved most invaluable to our success. Now if you’ll excuse me...”

She stepped past them, reaching for the pendant with her right hand, when her Mightyena began to growl. A strange mist had concealed the room entirely, leaving its inhabitants spooked. The other Aqua members’ Mightyena joined in, clearly agitated, and detecting the presence of an unwanted guest.

“What is this? What’s going on?” asked a female grunt from the corner of the room.

“Something is upsetting the Mightyena,” reasoned Shelly before turning sharply to Brendan and May. “What are you doing? Who else is here? ANSWER ME!”

“We don’t know, I swear,” answered Brendan, uneasy about the Mightyena’s unsettling vocalizations and highly conscious of the fact that they were, actually, underwater. This very fact made the presence of the mist impossible, at least by natural means. He started to try and think of an explanation when he was violently interrupted.

A sudden flash of electricity blasted one of the Mightyena, causing it to faint on the spot. The other two Mightyena, unable to see the attacker, moved protectively toward their masters, narrowly avoiding a ball of blue-green energy that blasted the wall instead. Meanwhile, a whooshing sound could be heard as an indiscriminate object sped around the room.

“What the hell is this!?” cried several Aqua grunts as Shelly hastily grabbed the pendant and scroll. “This place is cursed!”

“Shut up you morons, just grab your things and let’s get out!” shrieked Shelly. She glanced at May and Brendan over her shoulder. “Now that I think of it, I don’t believe Wailmer can carry both you and your insolent little attitudes. Hope you guys learned how to swim! Either that, or you have a way to communicate with the otherworldly. Ahahahahahahaaha!”

With that, Team Aqua darted out of the room and down the corridor, narrowly avoiding stray flashes of light and bursts of energy from behind them. Shelly’s demented cackle could still be heard, along with much more ominous sounds - the crumbling of the temple walls. May looked at Brendan, panic in her eyes.

“Brendan hurry up, think of something, what do we do?” she cried, searching for an immediate answer. “Call Mudkip out, now! Do something!”

Brendan, however, was in a daze. He replied absent-mindedly. “That would be useless, May. Even if we made it out of this maze of a structure, we wouldn’t be able to make it to the surface in time; we’d drown. I-I-I don’t know.”

The realization struck the both of them immediately, freezing them both in their places momentarily. A falling stone snapped them out of it, and they dashed out the doorway they came in, hoping for some miracle. They ran as fast as they could, turning every which way and darting to avoid the falling ruins. If they didn’t know better, they’d think they were flying.

And then, May looked over at Brendan to see that, well, he was. Enveloped in a blue light, the two of them were speeding toward the pool of water that led them into the lake without their feet even touching the ground. Re-entering the lake, they moved swiftly through the water, exchanging perplexed looks as they rocketed toward the surface at an astonishing speed. Finally, they broke the surface and found themselves on the lakeshore, completely dry. In fact, they had even beaten Team Aqua to the spot.

“What. The hell. Was that?” asked May incredulously as she looked around. Brendan opened his mouth to answer when May shushed him, looking intently into the bushes, then disregarding it.

“What?” asked Brendan.

“Nothing, I just thought I saw a flash that's all,” replied May. “It was probably just a Wurmple or trick of the light.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” cautioned Brendan. “I’m not sure if you realized this, but it is impossible for mist to form in an underwater environment like that, May. Whatever just happened, it was done intentionally by someone or something, and it was on our side.”

“Oh shut it,” said May, unconvinced. “I really don’t care what just went down. All I know is that we’ve got Torchic, we lost Team Aqua, its the middle of the night, and I still haven’t gotten a second of shut-eye in one of those feathery pokemon center beds. How about we just call it a night and talk about it later?”

“Fine, fine,” agreed Brendan. “Let’s head back then.”

With that, the pair of cousins left in silence, each pondering what had just happened. The only individual who knew the truth, however, lay about a hundred feet behind them at this point, lurking in the bushes. With a smile and a sigh, she turned around, paused for a second, and flew off into the night sky, priding herself on a job well done. The first of several.
 
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