*~ Reflections ~* [One Shot]

[Knightblazer]

Reflections​

I sit there, on the highest of rooftops, watching the midnight ocean, dotted with millions of stars that twinkle in my deep purple eyes like glittering diamonds. The night air whistles through my ears, and my ragged brown cloak whips helplessly by the wind. I shiver as the icy winds freeze my bones, but I raise a hand and wrap my cloak tightly around my body; it soon stops trembling. But then I sigh, lowering my gaze towards the city, now silent as the humans sleep on their beds within the four walls of security and comfort that they call home.

Truly… I wonder to myself, is this how am I to live now?

Noctowls fly swiftly past me, undaunted by the chilling winds or the darkness that dims my vision. They notice my purple tail and dive for it, thinking that it is their prey. But with a wave of my paw, they stop, terrified as their bodies suddenly give off a strange blue aura. I wave my paw again and the aura fades away, but then the two Noctowls fly away, terrified by my looks and powers. I sigh again, this time looking at my paws, paws unlike any pokemon. They had no claws or nails; they weren’t even sharp. Like three balls, my so-called fingers were spherical in shape. Hardly any movement was ever seen from them.

What am I? I demand silently to myself. Naturally, no answer came from it. Just… who am I?

“You are what you are…” replies a small voice behind me. I turn my head. Right behind was a small pink feline floating in mid air. Her tail twitches behind her as bright sapphire eyes lock onto my pale purple ones.

“Mew…” I whisper in surprise. Why would she want to see me?

“You are who you are,” she states, “even the human boy, Ash, says it,” I turned back my head to look at the silver orb hanging in the twilight sky. “Yes, I am unique…but I am not natural. I am made by humans, Mew…”

“It does not matter if you are natural or not,” she replies, “as long as you exist here, it signifies that you belong here, does it not?” I did not answer her question but instead I continue to look, unblinking, at the moon. Memories of the past flash through my mind.

The surprise when I first opened my eyes…

The anger that boiled within me when I found out my destiny…

The confusion that poured through me when the human foolishly sacrificed his life to stop me…

The sadness when I saw every pokemon, clone or natural, cry their hearts out for him…

But then came the understanding I felt when I realized the boy’s noble intentions…

“That boy… Ash… I thought he was foolish at that time, to stop us. But then when I saw the others crying for him, I realized just how noble he was. He cared for any pokemon, artificial or natural, biological or genetic. He just treated each and everyone of them as his equal… as a friend.” I mutter softly, my gaze now shifting to Mew, who had landed and now sat beside me. “Then do you remember what happens afterwards?” she asked. I look at the moon again, as the more painful and recent memories flash through.

Contentment seeped through me when I stood on the cliff, announcing that the tiny island would be our new home…

But then I felt the worry when I saw the humans reappearing…

Anger when I saw the humans toying with the others…

Then the pain that went through as the machines did their work…

And the relief I felt when I saw that the others had managed to escape…

Confusion that rang through my mind as the human Ash brought me to the spring…

The new power that grew within me when I plunged into its healing waters…

And the new understanding of memories I gained…

“That was one of the more happier days of my life,” I remark. Mew’s tail twitches slightly as she turns her head towards me. The bright moonlight lights up her gentle features and her sapphire eyes seemed to sparkle unnaturally, reflecting my pale lavender skin. “I’m glad to hear that,” she replies, turning her head back to look at the moon with me.

“It’s a beautiful night,” I comment.

“It sure is, Mewtwo,” she agrees with a small gentle smile on her lips. For the first time in a long run, a small smile stretches on my lips as well.

A smile of contentment.

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Yeah, this is my first pure Pokemon one-shot, so please R and R. I would really appreciate it.

Knightblazer ;262;

 

[Felix Feral Fezirix]

It's fine. That's all. It's.......so average there's nothing much to comment on. >_< As far as this idiot can tell.

 

[icemew]

Really good description of the night and everything, but it does seem kind of bland, just Mewtwo sitting and being emo and then cheering up a bit. Which is totally Mewtwo, but kind of standard.

 

[IceKing]

Well, I suppose it makes a good one shot. Present tense is usually hard to pull off, but you did it fine. Your descriptions were lovely as well, you set up the night sky well, and I could even feel the chillyness trashing against my skin. I saw a few mistakes, but I really don't feel like pointing them out XD Overall though, the grammar and spelling was good as well. However, I got to agree with the previous two that this was kinda...bland. Mewtwo isn't as dark as he should be, a bit too happy for my tastes. Also, how does Mew just pop out of thin air besides him? You should have extended their convo a little bit more, mainly so that Mewtwo defends that he is unnatural more. Despite that, the theme was not only original but it was portrayed nicely.

Good job.

4/5

 

[Psychic]

That was…*thinks of a way to put it* well, it was all right, but not very exciting or interesting. I mean, I love Mewtwo, and my way of thinking is that if it has Mewtwo being all emo (<3 emo Clone) it’s gotta be good, but I must admit that I wasn’t really impressed by this. I can’t give an overall review for this One Shot, so I have to break it up.


Length: It really could have been much longer and build upon. As IceKing said, the conversation could have been much longer and more in depth. You didn’t go deep enough- there were whole other areas of Mewtwo’s life and thoughts you could have explored, and Mewtwo could have been more in denial and confused, as he got over it all quite quickly. I would have liked to see a lot more.


Spelling/Grammar: It was good that you wrote in present tense, because it did a lot more for the story, but there were many instances where you suddenly switched to past. There weren’t any spelling mistakes, but you had a few grammatical ones and a few other errors I’ll point out.

I shiver as the icy winds freeze my bones, but I raise a hand and wrap my cloak tightly around my body; it soon stops trembling.

Two things here:
1) change ‘but’ to ‘and’ or ‘so’.
2) It should be ‘I soon stop trembling’. Also, try to specify that Mewtwo is trembling from the cold, not fear (usually one doesn’t tremble from the cold- one shivers).

the humans sleep on their beds within the four walls of security and comfort that they call home.

Humans sleep in their beds, not ‘on’ them. Also, leave out the bit about the ‘four walls’. Just call them homes.

Noctowls fly swiftly past me

One Noctowl, two Noctowl. Never add an ‘s’ to the word ‘Pokémon’ or a specific Pokémon species itself. The plural is always the same as the singular.

They notice my purple tail and dive for it, thinking that it is their prey.

Add ‘sticking/poking/peeking out of my cloak’ after ‘They notice my purple tail’ and change ‘my’ to ‘the’, and maybe an adjective to describe the tail. And…why would they think it to be their prey in the first place? What do they usually hunt?

Like three balls, my so-called fingers were spherical in shape.

Er, they aren’t balls. He has normal fingers with balled tips. Think ET.

Hardly any movement was ever seen from them.

Unclear.
What sort of movement does one expect to see from fingers and I have seen Mewtwo move his fingers.


The grammar was pretty good overall, though.


Description: This most certainly could have been better and fuller. It certainly wasn’t bad, but it could have been built upon. You could have added a bit about the human…what, village, city, town? I don’t know what it was or why Mewtwo was there, but you could have described it a bit more- you needed to slow down the pace of the story, and description is one of the best ways to do it.
I know it’s hard to describe a Pokémon when you’re writing in first person, but I think you could have managed, such as describing his thin frame under the cloak, his long scrawny arms and so on. The Noctowl could certainly have been described more as well as the way the swooped and dove at Mewtwo’s tail, and their reactions when Mewtwo used his attack on them (for every action, there’s a reaction- play around with the reactions more).
And Mew! You really needed to describe Mew more. She was an important part of the story, and all you said about her was that she:

was a small pink feline...tail...bright sapphire eyes

You could have read other people’s descriptions of Mew to get an idea on how to add more detail on her. I mean, you could have something about her little stubby ears, long rabbit-like feet, short arms and the oval at the end of her thin, whip-like tail.

Yea…there could have been more description so as to slow down the pace, though it was all right overall.


Characters: There really wasn’t a large amount of character work in this. They stayed more or less in character, but you could have taken it a few steps further, because, as I mentioned, there are whole other levels to them that you could have built on. Mew, if you remember, is a very sweet, fun, carefree Pokémon (though she knows when to be serious). Mewtwo is a lot more deep, dark and emo and still upset and a bit in denial. He is a very confused clone, and you really could have played around with him more, especially with his thoughts. All you really had him question was ‘Who/what am I?” when he also wants to know about his purpose, meaning, reason and all those things.
But at least you didn’t twist them to be totally OOC, and though they were rather shallow, you did an okay job.


Plot/Theme/Main Idea: It was a little too simple. Mewtwo asks “Who/what am I?” once, then Mew appears, comforts Mewtwo and bringing about things that happened in the past, so Mewtwo has sort of flashbacks, recalling what happened. They didn’t end up coming to a conclusion in the end, and none of Mewtwos questions were answered. Though I love this sort of mystery of his past that can’t be explained, the characters had to come to find some sort of solution, even a small one. (Huge thanks to my English teacher for teaching me about problem-cause-effect-solution. XD)



So…to conclude, I agree with everyone else when they say it’s bland and just around average. More thought could have been put into this, and more emotion and description could have been added to make it more hard-hitting: you want it to make us really think- it should be more thought-provoking and deeper.

Just keep working at it, think about what I said and keep trying.


~Psychic