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Relationships - BFs/GFs/crushes
- Thread starter Kelsh
- Start date
- Status
Skiks
MUCH RESPECT
Sometimes thats not all that you need if you're speaking to the point of something like marriage. Money is actually one of the few things you need to think about if you're at the point of marriage so I don't think "Love conquers all" is the only thing a couple should worry about. I wouldn't say to just look at how much he/she cares but I wouldn't say money is the only thing that should matter. It's just one of the many attributes people have to think about.
"Now I ain't saying she's a gold digger,
But she ain't messin' with a broke n--"
But you're right. More often than not true feelings should matter as opposed to dating for money/stability. It's like me saying "I would never date a girl who can't keep her emotions in track". Odds are 3/4's of girls are like that. And hell, I might be missing out on someone who might actually be cool to hang out with (despite a few freak emotional swings, but those happen once a month for girls anyways).
Yeti said:
Replace "we" with "you" and you have a successful argument. And on that argument, "You" would most likely be referred to as "High Maintenance", which is worse to deal with than a run of bad jobs (or in my case, a run of bad to average grades). I know plenty of girls who are more than content with a guy who pumps gas for a living, because they actually like the person for who they are as opposed to their profession.
Hell, I don't care if I date the CEO of a Corporate firm or a Waitress at the local Bar; for me all that really matters is if she's chill or not.
Mr. Mudkip
Banned
Way to handle that one.
voltianqueen
Fire and Lightning!
Two years for me and my bf in February. w00t. We've always gotten along really well and have a lot in common ^_^
Yay for you!! ^_^
You've already reached the average time a marriage lasts. Aim for year number three!!
voltianqueen
Fire and Lightning!
Thanks
I am definitely planning on aiming for year number three :3lol we always play Pokemon together too~ It usually comes down to 1-2 Pokemon each, but I usually lose ;__;
Money is only one piece of the puzzle, really.
It is respectable enough to not want to commit to someone who struggles to keep a job or a home; there is nothing wrong with having those two skills as criterion for your dating prospects.
For my part in the discussion, though, I was referring to myself. I wouldn't want to date someone if I was still not independent or stable. With all due respect to the case against gender roles, I would still feel like a mooch if I had no job, no house, no car, and no money, and my girlfriend was responsible for everything we did together. (In fact, I'd feel that way in any situation, romantic or not, female or male.) I would simply like to have the security of knowing that, should my girlfriend want or need something of me, I could easily supply it. That does not have to be a perpetuation of male-dominant gender roles; it is simply being self-sufficient, with a little extra sufficiency to spare for your other self. ^_^
Besides, even with the magical power of love supporting you, I doubt relationships that exist like that would be healthy or lasting.
And dang, I need to stop missing the random junk that happens here.
It is respectable enough to not want to commit to someone who struggles to keep a job or a home; there is nothing wrong with having those two skills as criterion for your dating prospects.
For my part in the discussion, though, I was referring to myself. I wouldn't want to date someone if I was still not independent or stable. With all due respect to the case against gender roles, I would still feel like a mooch if I had no job, no house, no car, and no money, and my girlfriend was responsible for everything we did together. (In fact, I'd feel that way in any situation, romantic or not, female or male.) I would simply like to have the security of knowing that, should my girlfriend want or need something of me, I could easily supply it. That does not have to be a perpetuation of male-dominant gender roles; it is simply being self-sufficient, with a little extra sufficiency to spare for your other self. ^_^
Besides, even with the magical power of love supporting you, I doubt relationships that exist like that would be healthy or lasting.
And dang, I need to stop missing the random junk that happens here.
GhostAnime
Searching for her...
It doesn't always reflect on personality. Many times, it's circumstances. Not EVERYONE needs to go to college or get a degree. Some occupations do not require such education. Some people were just unable to due to money, situation, etc.
I truly hope you mean this from an illegal standpoint and not a moral one. Not every person that smokes weed is some 24/7 addict.
As I said above, circumstances should definitely come into play.
Let's examine some of the words you used:
"values" and "interests"
I want to know how these three words relate to status and occupation. Does going to college mean they will automatically have the same interests as you?
How can you judge someone's values 100% by the occupation they hold?
And why would you be stooping down, exactly?
"too dumb to get into college", because the only thing people need to do go go to college is to be smart. You can tell you're a suburban spoiled brat. You don't need to go to college to be intelligent. There are well self-taught people out there. This is pretty funny coming from a girl who just graduated out of high school, too. I've been in college for 3 years, and I can honestly say that I barely know anymore than a high school graduate save for some things that don't matter in a relationship. Are you really going to turn down a person because they don't know an example DNA code? I hope not.
I acknowledge that dating some has-been who refuses to work at all is not worth dating for, but if we're talking about people who actually worked hard, made one mistake in life and regret it, or simply isn't/wasn't in the right situation to succeed, THEY need that second chance. There is so much more to a person than what they do to put food on the table. A lot of life truly is circumstances, and that "perfect guy" just might be that bus boy. It's like they say, people who live under tend to be more appreciative.
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Many of my guy friends are taking a couple years off from high school to get the money they need to get to college. Some of them, also, are only going to school, either because they're going to a community college and a 4 year school at the same time, or because they can't handle both work and school. College and working are difficult, that's no joke there. Its why many people, including myself, are putting off having a relationship until its all over, we have some sort of residence that isn't our parents' house, we have some sort of job, etc. Its completely respectable to not want to date until all that is done.
As mentioned before, as well, there's a lot of people who are self taught and don't go to college, my best friend Paul being a perfect example. He got a pretty nice scholarship to go to the Culinary Institute of America, but he turned it down because he couldn't afford the rest, even in his wildest dreams, and he didn't do well in high school. However, he's a fantastic cook (probably the best I know), and is extremely intelligent. The school atmosphere just wasn't right for him. So, he's currently working his way up, very very quickly, in a local restaurant (no, not something like Denny's or Olive Garden), even though he only has a high school education.
The way I see it, a guy doesn't need to be a Harvard Scholar to be dateable, just able to support himself and not be an idiot ALL the time...because, hey. You don't need to be serious ALL the time, but its necessary in some instances. : D
As mentioned before, as well, there's a lot of people who are self taught and don't go to college, my best friend Paul being a perfect example. He got a pretty nice scholarship to go to the Culinary Institute of America, but he turned it down because he couldn't afford the rest, even in his wildest dreams, and he didn't do well in high school. However, he's a fantastic cook (probably the best I know), and is extremely intelligent. The school atmosphere just wasn't right for him. So, he's currently working his way up, very very quickly, in a local restaurant (no, not something like Denny's or Olive Garden), even though he only has a high school education.
The way I see it, a guy doesn't need to be a Harvard Scholar to be dateable, just able to support himself and not be an idiot ALL the time...because, hey. You don't need to be serious ALL the time, but its necessary in some instances. : D
We kinda got that the first 50 times it's been said. We still aren't really interesting in dating someone that doesn't go to college because there's typically a better chance at finding a guy that WILL have a stable job if he attended college. It's too risky to try and date someone that hasn't gone to college because they may never find a job. It's hard to find a job without a college degree these days. Even if you do get a job, you may not get paid that much because it's either a very lackluster one, or you lack a degree from a higher educational institution, which in turn may reap a lower paycheck than the guy that DID go to college.
Not everyone needs to go, yes. But if I want to make sure that I will be living a stable life without having to live basically paycheck to paycheck, I'd much rather try to find a partner that attends college also AND has a nice personality at that.
If their circumstances were so bad that they couldn't pay to go to college, then sorry. You just aren't someone I'd be willing to date. You may think that all you need to do is love them and everything will be alright, BUT IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY LOL!!! How hard is it to understand that? LOVE WON'T GET YOU A JOB! LOVE WON'T GET YOU MONEY! LOVE WILL NOT MAKE SURE YOU AREN'T POOR!!! LOVE AIN'T GONNA PAY THE BILLS BRO!!!! LOL.
Good GRIEF, ugh.
Well I, myself, mean it from a moral standpoint. I'd rather have someone that DOESN'T smoke pot so my eventually hypothetical children won't be exposed to that and end up like Lindsay Lohan or Miley Cyrus. Children will find out eventually if one of their parents, or both, smokes weed.
It's really all about personal preference. I don't want to date some guy that smokes weed because it could eventually elevate into something worse. You can't deny that. And I wouldn't want to just risk it by saying "Oh, it's just weed. He doesn't do it all the time so he'll eventually quit right?" Nah, I'm not gonna take my chances on that one lmao. I'll find a guy that doesn't smoke so I don't have to constantly worry myself over "what if" this or "what if" that.
snooze sbhj
Firstly, where are the three words at??? I only see two o.o;;;!!! And no one has even said that going to college would automatically mean that they'll have the same interests as you. Though if the both of you were attending a school for a specific thing (such as an arts or music college) then it's safe to say that you both have pretty similar goals/interests.
You can absolutely judge someone's values by the occupation they hold:
Lawyer - intelligent, upstanding; obviously has the capabilities to support themself and their family because of the obvious high salary they receive. they must value their education very much by attending college and law school to reach such a high level in society
Drug dealer - craptastic, terrible, disgusting, vile lifeform; obviously has the capabilities to smoke crystal meth, LSD, shoot heroin, and any other drug known on this vast planet. they must not value themselves or their life if they choose to sell narcotics rather than go to college to make something of themselves.
If you barely know anymore than a high school graduate after being in college for 3 years, something is either HORRIBLY wrong with the school you go to, or you've been a lazy sad-sack the entire time you've been there. Or both teehee. :3
Let me tell you how much I care with a haiku...
You aren't making sense~
You need to learn how to spell!!!!~
And your viewpoint sucks~ :3
That "perfect guy" for me, is not gonna be a bus boy. I'm gonna meet a guy in COLLEGE that is sweet, kind, caring, and will get a great job when he finally graduates.
By all means, feel free to take the people that got jacked. That just leaves the smart person that are going somewhere for us LOL. "People who live under tend to be more appreciative" that's cool. They also say, "be the best you can be." I can't be the best I can be if I have to work longer hours every day because my husband can't get a job due to lack of a college degree. I don't wanna work that much just so I can provide for my children AND him too. No, it's not going down like that.
GhostAnime
Searching for her...
You make it sound like not having a degree means they'll automatically be jobless. Even in today's economy, there are successful people with decent lives who lack a degree. This mindset that says "get a degree or you fail at life" is only injected into us constantly from school and stuck up parenting. The majority of people DON'T have a college degree, and many of them are living comfortable, independent lives.
"So bad"? Do you think college is cheap or something?
And not sure what you said in caps. I hope it was sarcasm because it doesn't really address much of my point. I'm not talking about jobless people.
Stereotypical and uneducated view of marijuana. Check.
You could try looking at the post I was replying to.
It's a good thing we're not talking about drug dealers and just people with regular jobs!
Even if we go down the job route, it still wouldn't necessarily point to personality traits. Do you find it strange that most rich people and top occupations tend to have people who grew up in better homes, neighborhoods, and had family alumni go to top schools? Let's not pretend circumstances aren't in place. Those "rags to riches stories" are actually incredibly rare and merely give us the idea that anybody can become anything as long as they work hard. That is probably the biggest lie America has ever told.
Yes, because those are the only possibilities.
College is simple. It doesn't put people miles ahead of anyone else in intelligence. Most of it is textbook based (unless you take a lot of hands on related stuff) which could easily just by read by anyone who buys it and studies it in-depth. (I'm not talking about graduate schools, btw).
Because everyone without a degree weren't the best they could be?
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I've been married for almost two years now, and I love it.
I got married because I knew that who I was with was perfect for me. He was the only guy I ever dated, and the thought that you have to "date around" to find someone is a myth. Some people do date around before finding anyone, but not everyone HAS TO.
We both love Pokemon.
We make each other laugh.
We love spending time together.
We're both creative.
We watch out for each other.
We're attracted to each other.
And we'll stick with each other no matter what.
I got married because I knew that who I was with was perfect for me. He was the only guy I ever dated, and the thought that you have to "date around" to find someone is a myth. Some people do date around before finding anyone, but not everyone HAS TO.
We both love Pokemon.
We make each other laugh.
We love spending time together.
We're both creative.
We watch out for each other.
We're attracted to each other.
And we'll stick with each other no matter what.
shut the HECK up ghostanime, I really doubt any of us want to suffer through more of your snoozefest monologues
you obviously know JACK about us, sho nuff by the way you keep running your mouth. we have vastly different ideals, values, morals, and goals in life than you, as evidence by your inability to understand where we are coming from.
if something happens to me and I can no longer work, I would rather know my husband would be able to successfully provide for us instead of his crap job flipping burgers, requiring us to go onto welfare or some disability crap
I would also like to know he is a guy who can stick with something, provide for himself, and has the ability to commit
he would prove this by passing college/graduate school and holding a solid job
you obviously will never agree with Mars Girl and I's point of view, and I doubt you will understand it, or even want to
we're not 'uneducated' about weed, we simply don't want it around us. burn us in a chemical fire because Mars Girl doesn't want her children growing up with a father who's high all the time and I just plain don't like it.
it is from a moral standpoint. I am against all substances such as weed, alcohol, cigarettes, psychadelic drugs and harder drugs.
but I guess we should agree to disagree, because you will probably never be able to tolerate our viewpoints on the subject without taking cheap shots at our intelligence or morals.
I bet if we were guys who wanted to find girls who were well off and had jobs, we would be commended on not seeking trophy wives or housewives, but strong women.
Instead, because we're females who intend to graduate college and work well-paying jobs as well, we can't expect the same out of men we'd date, or even be interested in, without being called gold diggers or clueless or spoiled or high maintainence.
alright ROCK THE SPUD ON buddies how about you just let us be, we stated what we wanted in men, we'll find it, and we'll be quite happy.
the day it's terrible to not want to live off foodstamps or paycheck to paycheck and to seek out a successful man................ 8\
and to the guy who went off about high maintainence, no that's not it, but thanks.
it's called high standards, because not every woman is so tragically desperate for a relationship with a man she is willing to date any guy who'll ask her out.
please forgive us for wanting to accomplish things in our lives, and expecting a potential spouse to have accomplished the same to show he values what we do.
get over it bros, when we're fly in the future, financially secure, buying some jewels, sho nuff we gon remember all this hate and negativity and laugh knowing we're perfectly happy with our decisions
you obviously know JACK about us, sho nuff by the way you keep running your mouth. we have vastly different ideals, values, morals, and goals in life than you, as evidence by your inability to understand where we are coming from.
if something happens to me and I can no longer work, I would rather know my husband would be able to successfully provide for us instead of his crap job flipping burgers, requiring us to go onto welfare or some disability crap
I would also like to know he is a guy who can stick with something, provide for himself, and has the ability to commit
he would prove this by passing college/graduate school and holding a solid job
you obviously will never agree with Mars Girl and I's point of view, and I doubt you will understand it, or even want to
we're not 'uneducated' about weed, we simply don't want it around us. burn us in a chemical fire because Mars Girl doesn't want her children growing up with a father who's high all the time and I just plain don't like it.
it is from a moral standpoint. I am against all substances such as weed, alcohol, cigarettes, psychadelic drugs and harder drugs.
but I guess we should agree to disagree, because you will probably never be able to tolerate our viewpoints on the subject without taking cheap shots at our intelligence or morals.
I bet if we were guys who wanted to find girls who were well off and had jobs, we would be commended on not seeking trophy wives or housewives, but strong women.
Instead, because we're females who intend to graduate college and work well-paying jobs as well, we can't expect the same out of men we'd date, or even be interested in, without being called gold diggers or clueless or spoiled or high maintainence.
alright ROCK THE SPUD ON buddies how about you just let us be, we stated what we wanted in men, we'll find it, and we'll be quite happy.
the day it's terrible to not want to live off foodstamps or paycheck to paycheck and to seek out a successful man................ 8\
and to the guy who went off about high maintainence, no that's not it, but thanks.
it's called high standards, because not every woman is so tragically desperate for a relationship with a man she is willing to date any guy who'll ask her out.
please forgive us for wanting to accomplish things in our lives, and expecting a potential spouse to have accomplished the same to show he values what we do.
get over it bros, when we're fly in the future, financially secure, buying some jewels, sho nuff we gon remember all this hate and negativity and laugh knowing we're perfectly happy with our decisions
I never said automatically. Of course, I shouldn't have expected you, an sppf member, to understand what I was saying. I pretty much said it was a possibility, and that's just a possibility that I don't want to have to worry about. And that mindset is pretty intelligent I'd say, seeing as your chances of succeeding are lowered if you don't have a college degree. Yay if not going to college worked out for them. I really just don't care.
No, college isn't cheap. But regardless, there are plenty of ways to get the funds you need to go to college. It's not my fault if they don't take advantage of the resources that are offered to them. And what I said in caps was to show you and the rest of the idiots in here, that simply saying that love is gonna solve all your problems is an incredibly childish view.
Yeah, it's really uneducated for me to not want my possible future children to be exposed to weed isn't it? I'll keep that in mind. "Go right ahead Johnny, smoke that weed!!! And while you're at it, here's some crack"
Idgaf about your stupid pointless arguments about how supposedly "great" weed is, I don't want to be around it.
Honestly, you're just being really obnoxious lol. I feel like a broken record now, but I really couldn't careless about your misguided viewpoints about this. You obviously don't know when to SHUT UP and face facts that I'm not gonna waste my time on some lowlife that does drugs. Neither am I gonna bother with someone that doesn't go to college. It's funny that you have the audacity to come here and speak to Yeti and I with such a tone; even more absolutely hilarious that someone such as yourself actually has the balls to think you can win this argument when you aren't the first to be completely shut down by us, nor will you be the last.
Again; to say you barely know any more than a high school graduate when you are a junior in college makes you looks like a complete retard. Kudos to you and gtfo because you're just an irritating little insect. Have fun being in the lowest of the low in this country.
Yep. Now get out LOL
Mars Girl said:
First off, you ARE bothering with someone who doesn't go to college.
Second off, it is very arrogant to think that college makes you better than anyone else in any way. Some of the brightest people EVER in history never attended any sort of school. Many of my own family members never went to college, and they are the brightest of the bright. My father scored very high in a college placement test when he was in high school, but he still never went to college. Why? He was grew up on a farm, and he was raised to believe that he was nothing, and that he would always be too poor to do anything with his life. So, he didn't do his assignments in school, and when he did he didn't try. So he barely passed high school. It wasn't until his senior year that he learned of college scholarships. His little school was not too big on that sort of information. And by then he thought it was too late to do anything else. His family wasn't too big on education. Later, he did try to go to school to learn Architecture, but by then he had a child, and he had to take care of her mother and his child (my half sister), and take a poor-paying job on top of that.
I myself attended college, and guess what? I don't believe that they taught anything of much importance there. It seemed that the true purpose of the institution is to teach you that everything you already believe is a lie. It seemed that it was trying to take all the mystery and FUN out of everything. The best thing I learned was probably suicide prevention. I enjoyed the literature, but I could have read that at home. The only good going to school does you (in my experience) is that stupid piece of paper you get at the end that says you learned something.
I'm not putting down education. I'm sure that some schools are not like the one I attended, but like I said, from MY EXPERIENCE, college doesn't teach that much.
Both sides of this argument have a point. Financial security and similar interests are important to the lasting ability of a relationship, especially to those that have child-rearing as a goal.
Desiring emotional intimacy and a great 'connection' can be enough for several people to overlook supposed "deal breakers" like occupation.
For the record, I know several college graduates who have no job prospects, despite 8 years of intensive education from a well-established university. I know several people who never went to college who have very successful jobs--including those who went into the military rather than university. I also know people whose college degree nets them more than 3x the average American salary, and we're all still in our 20's.
In my situation, my boyfriend pays most of the bills while I handle my college tuition. Post-grad, I will be handling the bills while he attends college. Unfortunately, we are at a stand still as to what he wants to do simply because he makes MORE money already than most of the jobs he wants to do that require a college degree--funny, huh?
He's not going to go into a standard money-making career unless it's actually what he wants to do. Working in a career that makes you miserable.. well, it's not worth the money to us.
Desiring emotional intimacy and a great 'connection' can be enough for several people to overlook supposed "deal breakers" like occupation.
For the record, I know several college graduates who have no job prospects, despite 8 years of intensive education from a well-established university. I know several people who never went to college who have very successful jobs--including those who went into the military rather than university. I also know people whose college degree nets them more than 3x the average American salary, and we're all still in our 20's.
In my situation, my boyfriend pays most of the bills while I handle my college tuition. Post-grad, I will be handling the bills while he attends college. Unfortunately, we are at a stand still as to what he wants to do simply because he makes MORE money already than most of the jobs he wants to do that require a college degree--funny, huh?
He's not going to go into a standard money-making career unless it's actually what he wants to do. Working in a career that makes you miserable.. well, it's not worth the money to us.
Uhm... no I'm not? I don't want someone that doesn't go to college so I'm not gonna date them... You don't tell me who I can or can't date.
Cool story bro. I still don't care.
Well your experience was clearly unfortunate. Sorry that you didn't learn jack from your pos college. I'd still rather have someone that went to college rather that someone who didn't.
It's funny how many people in here treat college as if it's something you can just blow off like it doesn't even matter. You're all complete idiots and that's why this forum needs to be eradicated. Or at least restarted and the registration requires an IQ test. 99.9% of the forum members now would not pass because you'd have to get an IQ at least over 100. I'm sure most of the people here have an IQ of 2, and that's being generous. Now back the hell off because you're a nuisance.
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