Requiem: A Tragedy One-Shot Contest!

[Griff4815]

*applauds and eat the now-stale cookie he kept in his pocket while reading*

Congrats all! And I'm looking forward to reading all of the one-shots. If you're lucky, you might just get a review.

Spoiler

Woo. I never got anything close to 5th in my life! I hope you're happy, Elyvorg, you beat me by one rank! *sweeps the 30 point difference under a rug* 8D

Saffire Persian, you're lucky I didn't come in 3rd or above, it is SO hard to find a good picture of a Beedrill! (Sike Saner knows that I tried, with MUCH effort, and came up with some hilarious results.)

And YES!! 3 and a half months later and I can finally post it exclusively! =3

 

[Praxiteles]

Salutations, purple drake, Burnt Flower and Psychic. Your fictions look stunning, and I really will have to read them completely at the first opportunity.

I also have to say the reviews this time were very acute. You guys hit on exactly the important points and explained them very succinctly; Saffire Persian's review for my one-shot diagnosed my own flaws better than I myself could have done. I will look out for the excesses you highlighted at the first real opportunity, and the fact that my previous statement is actually true shows how exceptional those remarks were.

 

[Araleon]

Wow! I didn't thik I would've tied for last, I kinda thought mine was too short and I think all of your reviews have helped, and I have already started to revise and rewrite certain parts if my story.

Before I respond to the reviewers, I want to say CONGRATULATIONS GUYS! Good job! And, for the top three, good job! And to purple-drake, dude, congrats!

Katiekitten: Thanks. I've been told by teachers and family that I am good at writing depressing things. I kinda like writing these kinds of stories. On that part with the bed and the book, yea I've begun to work some of Dawn's thoughts into that portion. I've tried to use your advice, because it'
s really good. All of your guys' advice was great! On the youknowwhat, and leaving the daughter... I figured out a different thing. You know how she wanted Ash to regret leaving her? Well, let's just say that there won't be any custody issues.

Thanks again for the advice!

Omega Deathstrike: Really? I think I read that once, I don't think I had read it before I wrote this. Silly old me wrote this in one sittting and submitted it. I stayed off of Serebii while writing it. On the overdose, it said she took ten, but then used the rest of the bottle. I should have done research with that irst. Woopsies! Substanence... Well, he really was on the verge, and he obviously loved Misty and not her, and I think that when he went off and Misty was there, they got together. I should probably do something to make her react so strongly... But the suicide won't be with pills in the revised or posting version. Thanks for the comments!

SP: ... I really don';t know why I changed tense there... I fixed it as soon as I read that. Is ineteresting good? lol. Is it bad it reminds you and OD o IceKing's fic? Cuz i wrote it by myself and I don't know if I had read that back in February... Ooh, yea, sorry abut the typos. My laptops keyboard is giving out some, so Es, Fs, and a couple other lettrs skip out sometimes. And sometimes when it leaves out it forms a diferent word. And of cours there are times when I jsut didn;t check to see if I spelled somthing right. See? There's the missing E. Yea, logic isn't my strong point, mostly bcause I'm not a logical person... And with the youknowwhat, you gave me an idea to lad up to what the new ending will be. Don't get me wrong, the ending wil have the same concept of suicide, but in a different way. I can't say to much because I don't want to spoil the others.

You haven't seen people put Advil and stuff in filing cabinets... Crud. Wrong word. I meant medicine cabinets. Ya know the thing behind a mirror?

You'll see what happens to the baby. I had forgotten to do something with Lily... But now I know what's happened to her.

I;m glad you liked the save our marriage thing, even though I need to change it to relationship. I've been told that sometimes girls embrace the pregnancy(even if unwanted) to stop the guy from leaving. In this case(and I assume others) it made the guy more and more distant.

Sike: I'm so glad you liked that! That was Dawn's intention. To make his life miserable. To regret doing that to her. I, embarrassingly, forgot about the baby in the ending, but it shall be fixed before posting. Let's just say Ash will never forget Dawn. Ever.

Thank you so much for taking the time out of your lives to grae this contest! Will there be anymore contests like this one later on?

If ay of you judges want to know the fixed ending to incorporate Lily, just PM me.


Also, nice banners Sapphire PErsian.
EDIT: Oh, I have a qustion. Did I use the word bimbo too much? I was trying to think of a better word, but bimbo just seemed to fit.

 

[Burnt Flower]

A HUGE thanks to Saff, Sike, katie and the "mysterious" Omega Deathstrike for their fantastic reviews and the hard work they put into reading and commenting each story! =D

Also, congratulations to all of us who participated; we really gave it our all. =) But many kudos to purple_drake, who won the contest!!!

...And now I can finally post my one-shot here!

P.S: I love the banner! *hugs it*

 

[Kamex]

Congratulations to everyone who competed!

Wow, I wish I joined in, but meh. I'll give the next contest a try, and see what happens...

BTW, those banners were a nice addition. I hope they're included as prizes for the next one-shot contest.

 

[katiekitten]

*cackles and stretches* And it's over. Congratulations again to all who entered, especially the top three! I still haven't quite forgiven you, burnt. xP But I will, I will...

The banners are made of pure win, by the way. *hugs Saffy*

 

[Sike Saner]

Fwee, awesome to see the results. ^^ Congratulations to purple_drake and to everyone else who entered, as well! ^^ And thanks for entering--I enjoyed reading your entries. ^^

Boss work to everyone else involved in this contest (I enjoyed reading your reviews of the entries, too). ^^ And to Saffire Persian: Those banners are frelling awesome. ^^

 

[purple_drake]

...wow. Just wow. *glomps everyone and throws out dragonite cookies* Thank jooooo~!!

I screamed. Really. And then my sister screamed 'cos I scared her. XD

*hugs Burnt_Flower and Psychic* Congrats, guys! I look forward to reading your stories (or rereading, as the case may be). ^^ And to everyone else, too, great job!


Katiekitten: Hehhehheh, me likes mindf*ckery. :3 'Tis fun. *is ebil* 8D

I don't know if I've wowed anyone into silence before. *glomps* Thank you!!

And sorry for the short reply. XD Didn't know what else to say except 'thanks' a couple million more times. XD


Omega Deathstrike: I can't remember how I got onto the idea of the Elites/gym leaders being like the Feds of the Pokemon world... I think there's a Pokemon Special influence there, but it's just always made sense to me. I spend far too much time on those characters, I think. XD

You were getting irritated with the mundaneness--does that need tightening up at all? Or is it a good kind of irritatedness 'cos then it goes BAM?

Well, like I told katiekitten, I like mindf*ckery. XD So it probably wasn't as hard for me as you might think... but I do know what you mean. I'm always conscious of when I write my favourite characters, because I worry about my fangirlism taking over and turning them into can-do-no-wrong superheroes. Maybe that's why I like playing with their heads... it's easier to remember they're human that way.

I don't like that phrase either. XD I remember consciously trying to find an alternative, because there were so many cliche possibilities... that particular paragraph scared me for that reason. XD

I did consider going into the raid, but you're right, it would have shifted the focus from angst to action (and the story was quite long enough already--a raid would have tacked on another ten pages. At least. Seriously. XD ).

Thanks so very much for your comment about the heart and soul of the characters. It could just be me, but it seems like most people don't like canon characters because they're so 'flat'; I guess when I write them I try to bring out the potential that I see in them, in the hopes that someone else might see it too. *hands out cookies* Thank you!

And Will's fun. :3 *wants to write more about Will*

=O I would love to know your secret identity! *makes a note to start warning bidders* Muahahahaha. >D


Saffire Persian: I'm broke, I swear. XD Don't send your medical bills to me!

I think anyone who looks at my signature could probably guess it would be about Lance. XD *ish fangirl*

It's always annoyed me that in the anime and games Team Rocket is such a pushover that kids can take care of them... if that were true they wouldn't be so feared and powerful. And as powerful as Lance (and the other Elites and gym leaders) is, sometimes there are choices to be made--it happens in real life, too. That's one of the reasons I respect law enforcement and soldiers so much--because they get put into those positions and have to make those choices, and still work through it and try do their best.

I did plan for the story to all be in Lance's perspective, but it seemed like such a good stopping point and I realised I didn't have enough to pick it up again with Lance until the aftermath; plus it showed a little more on circumstances from an outsider's, so to speak, perspective. Trying to add another scene with him might have just repeated things (or been mundane, since by the time they left the base nothing much else had happened). I did try to show that he shut himself down so he could finish the raid under some semblance of control, but then upon coming home just broke, so anything about how he acted between then would have just been... more numbness.

Hmm. On the other hand, in retrospect, it did jump a bit from attempted shut-down to slow breakage, so maybe some numbness wouldn't be out of place... I'm just not sure if I could fit another scene in without ruining the flow.

Lt. Surge is love. Seriously. <3.

I haven't actually seen Spiderman 3, and going by what I've heard of it, I don't particularly want to. XD I guess that's just an unlucky association on our part, then. Lance is such a passionate character, I can't see him being passive forever, not under those stress levels.

Thanks for pointing out those bloopers--now you've brought it to my attention, I see what you mean with the slang. Repetition... I think that was deliberate, with the emphasis on the time thing. I guess it didn't work so well. XD That particular scene was also a bit of a 'write and hope it comes out okay' scene. And the pond of red thing, I said this to Omega, but I was worried about using cliche descriptions. XD But I guess people use 'em so much for a reason, because they're appropriate. Don't worry about the nitpickiness--nitpickiness good. :3

Thank you again, and I'm sorry for talking so much. XD Gah, I have too much to say.

Oh! I LOVE the banner! *huggles banner* Although I am a bit curious why the gyarados is there, since we don't see any of his pokemon. XD But still. Love.


Sike Saner: Thank joo! *glomps* ^^ Characters are one of the funnest parts of writing, and since not many people seem to like these characters I guess I try to pay them as much attention as I think they deserve.


Ehem. ^.^;; Ehhh, I talk too much. Thanks again, everyone, and good luck for anyone entering whatever contest comes next!

 

[Saffire Persian]

Oh! I LOVE the banner! *huggles banner* Although I am a bit curious why the gyarados is there, since we don't see any of his pokemon. XD But still. Love.

Ah, that's an interesting story, actually. I was just making the banner, and the banner at that time just had Lance in it, and even him, the banner seemed to be a little empty/lacking somthing. (I was also talking to Omega Deathstrike whilst I was making this banner.) So, because it seemed to need something, I decided I'd put a pokémon that would fit in with the color scheme and represented Lance. Red Gyarados, to be exact. When I showed it to Deathstrike, we both had a good laugh about how the Gyarados really had nothing to do with the story, and the whole thing was false advertising.

Anyways, not long afterwards, I came to the conclusion that the Gyarados' presence therein is to be taken symbolically. Read: Lance's sanity snapping. Take it as you will.

 

[Psychic]

:O Dude, third place, totally woah-awesome!

So glad to see the results finally up, and the banners were an awesome extra surprise!

Big congrats to my good friend pee_dee whose awesomeness shone through again, and BF who we all know to be cool. Congratulations also go out to all the other entrants - everyone seems to have put in a solid effort, and should be proud to have entered. ^^


Katiekitten: It's cuz Raikou's awesome.

I appreciate that you at least tried to avoid giving spoilers, btw. =o

XD Sorry to have made you so miserable, but I must say that you asked for it, and I have to admit that I take much pleasure in your pain. But not because I want to, of course. ^^; *hugs back*

I know the beginning dragged on a bit, but I didn't really want to cut anything out because it really set the scene - the weather and Lawrence's (as well as Professor Harrison's) reactions especially. What sucks is that the professor really isn't a cruel person - he wasn't doing what he did intentionally. He just didn't totally know what he was doing, and instead of listening to others he insisted on being stubborn, which was what led to the awful ending. I didn't realize I was focusing so much on it, though, although looking back that in itself is a big part of the tragedy.


Omega Deathstrike: Why thank you. ^^

Getting into the mindset wasn't easy, but it wasn't too hard either since I feel it's something I can accosiate myself with. I'm surprised that it seemed repetitive, though - I tried to keep the number of Raikou-narrative parts down, but I tried to show the slight change between each scene as his situation deteriorates. I'll take another look at that, but I'm not sure how much I can change without losing the subtlety, which the story really needs since Raikou isn't supposed to be outright explaining his life or anything.

I'm not totally sure about the ending, but yeah, I definitely prefer it to be curt and to-the-point. Thanks!


Saffire Persian: The Spark is actually the reason why I think Raikou at least runs around Johto - aside from using electric attacks, it's his way to release this sort of pent-up energy. Raikou refers to it as a spark, for Entei it would be a flame, and for Suicune it might be closer to some kind of whirlpool. It's the most reasonable explanation, imo. And no, you're not supposed to feel much sympathy for the humans - I wanted them to be understandable, but not pitied.

Nonono, Raikou wasn't actually born from Zapdos. I guess I didn't make it clear enough, but the humans didn't actually know anything about the legendaries for certain - that's why MissingNo and Molzapart are mentioned. Raikou's origin was only guessed at by the humans, but they weren't necessarily right - after all, Professor Harrison himself did a ton of things wrong. In any case, Raikou's true origin is irrelevant to the rest of the story - that bit was just there to show that humans aren't always right. *needs to make that more clear*

Aside from my hate for asterisks/dividers, the transitions were meant to be startling and jarring - I didn't want to give warning, because it's supposed to be sudden and unexpected. After all, Raikou himself was completely taken by surprise, which is the same imrpession I want the reader to have.

Again, the end was supposed to be sudden, but I do see what you mean. Yes, the deadline definitely cut my writing time, but again, I wanted the end to be fast and sudden, because that's how it happened with Raikou at the very end - everything was really slow, then suddenly lighting-fast. I don't want to have a finding-scene, but yes, I'd like to make the last paragraph a tad longer, however I still want it to be straight and simple. I'm going to have to find a good balance here. @_@

Hm, yeah, I see what you mean. The problem is that Rosaline was seriously busy, and she did desperately want to see Raikou, but she had to stay professional and finish up her job in Orre. Plus if she had indeed returned, the story would not have ended this way. I do like the idea of her arriving too late, though...

But...yeah. Thanks for the review - I'll definitely be taking most of what you said into account for the official posting. ^^


Sike: *nodnod* That's a problem even in the real world, like circus animals tend to really be badly-treated and don't even get to run around or anything. That was a big thing for me.

And yes, that's exactly it. Basically, what happened with Raikou changed absolutely nothing, and it hasn't really changed a thing. That in itself is part of the tragedy. =(


~Psychic

 

[Negrek]

Wow, it's great to finally see the results of this contest. Makes me feel even guiltier about not entering like I intended to. Congratulations to all the entrants, and especially to purple_drake for bringing off the win. And, of course, to the judges for soldiering through and getting everything reviewed in the end.

 

[elyvorg]

I must confess to being slightly disappointed that I landed just below the point where you get prettiful banners and individually-aimed congratulations from everyone who drops by the thread. But no matter - I'm still really pleased with my fourth place. x3 'Tis good.

Well done to Psychic, Burnt Flower and purple_drake; I'm sure their fics are deserving of their placings and I plan to read them soon/when they get posted. I've read Burnt Flower's on another forum already, and I remember it being awesome in a morbid kind of way. So yeah. =D

Thanks to the judges, too, of course, particularly the mysterious Omega Deathstrike for apparently getting them done so quickly. And with that, I'm going to reply to my entry's reviews like I would normally.

Before I do, if there's anyone who intends to read mine when I post it but hasn't read the reviews of it yet, don't read them, and don't read any further in this post. Apparently there's a bit of a surprise in the one-shot which would be spoiled if you were to read the reviews/review replies first. And I like it when my writing surprises people.

katiekitten - D'aww, nice to hear that I managed to induce such emotions out of you. Melting is good, yes. *nods* And almost crying. :3

Yeah, no death. I was going to post when you mentioned that here that mine has no death, but I decided not to for some reason to do with paranoia about spoilering or something. I dunno.

Omega Deathstrike - Sickeningly cute in a good way, I hope. xD But then, if you were hit by the urge to cuddle a small, furry animal, I'll assume this is the case. Thanks for all the compliments on the writing, too - it always feels good to be praised by someone who seems to know what they're talking about.

Saffire Persian - Again, thanks for the compliments and the assurance that there's nothing really wrong with it; I can post this up on the main forum as soon as I've done this post and then looked through it for a typo I spotted when re-reading it in the PM I sent.

For some reason, I'd never quite realised that the revelation of the human going for the Luxray rather than the Shinx would be a surprise to the reader - surprise to the Luxray, of course, but it'd never crossed my mind that the reader would have been expecting the opposite. Makes sense though, so it's nice to see I managed to create a moment of surprise unintentionally.

Sike Saner - Whee, thanks for noting that about the alien-ness. It's something I enjoy doing when I'm writing in a Pokémon POV.

General thanks to all four of you for your comments. You made me feel all warm and fuzzy reading them. :3

...aaaand I get the feeling I'm really late and the results are old news now. Still, that's what I get for going away over the weekend and missing them. ^^;

 

[Araleon]

You know, I'm really glad I entered this contest. I used to be hesitant to write ics, but now I'm in the process o writing one one-shot, revising this fic, and debating what to do with one fic I've started(I was originally going to do a not so simple one-shot, but part of me wants to make it longer...).

So, thank you for creating this contest.

 

[Praxiteles]

I feel some reply should be made to my reviews, and I feel it now after I already posted my congratulations post. Needless to say, spoilers abound ahead.

katiekitten: In fact, a pressing point I was anxious about was that while the phrasing and such might have been up-to-standards, the fiction would fail to actually have any effect on the reader; his travails and his emotions would be too bizarre to make even him convincingly traumatized, let alone attract the reader's sympathy. Interesting that while in a sense this was true--the verbosity kept you on the surface--in a sense I did manage to affect you.

Saffire Persian: Ah, yes, my purple prose.

The main reason I kept so many of the important details ambiguous (aside from my own inability to stay to the point) is that the technicalities never mattered. The situation this character is in as he writes the memoir does not quite allow for lucid thought, especially when he starts going apoplectic recalling his experiences in the topmost floor; he tries to make a perfectly exhaustive account of the grass and the flowers reflecting the sun but even then, you may notice, he falls back into abstraction somewhere around the entrance of the tower. By engines I meant machines of mass destruction (which was acceptedly a rather uncommon meaning and unlikely to suggest itself to an outside reader), and in the context they could mean anything from actual catapults to traps to the creature's psychic powers, but the main point I wished to focus on was the two's ensuing destruction, and that detail was blurred out. In this way, about all of the vague portions were someway or the other influenced by the character's state of mind. So much for the defence.

Now, some agreements and comments: It seems to me that the chief issue you touched upon is my irritating instinct to impress, coming back from my Rediscovery days. I feel that if I could abandon this urge entirely my writing style would settle into something retaining my strengths and abandoning many of my weaknesses. I'm beginning to specialize a little on conveying rather than barraging with words, and I intend to become effective at this after however much change is necessary.

Mystery Judge-Person: There is a very good reason for the technical and bloated description of the field (and afterwards the interior of the tower). It is... uh... *flounders*... You see, just before those passages the character had resolved to write down anything and everything in his memory, in a desperate attempt to preserve something of his past combined with vague unformed hopes about something or the other. Thus did he try and measure the exact angle of every blade of grass in the field, and every component of the light that filtered into the tower (not with much success).

However, your other points are right; meden agan, too much of anything is a bad thing, all of that.

Sike Saner: You make me so happy with those comments. I had been trying to make exactly those points apparent in the one-shot. I thought for a long time the simple concept of severance wouldn't hardly be traumatic enough.

Well, thank you guys so much for bearing with the faults of my fiction and taking the time out for everything here. As for the winners: you can expect praise and prayer and general hero-worship in your respective one-shot threads, if you choose to post them here.

 

[Brian Random]

Yep, I told everyone that it wouldn’t be my best one. I’ll be placing my Requiem entrance soon. Congratulations to everyone who participated.

Katiekitten: When I first heard this song, I thought up a story for it because of how they can be related in some way but every time I tried to write it, I got put off because of the emotion of the song and writer’s block. It’s true that everyone handles their grief in their own way, some people intends to be strong while others may burst out crying, etc. Yeah, I tried to get a lot of emotion in there but I struggled with what to write in it. Thank you.

Omega Deathstrike: Sorry, mate. I was thinking more about the situation than the character development, with the tragedy that occurred and the sadness it caused. I’ll keep that advice in mind. Thanks.

Actually, this isn’t the first time I entered. Remember that one-shot contest that involved legendary pokemon?

Saffire Persian: Yep. Westlife and Ruben Studdard sang this song as well. When I wrote this, I was struggling to find ideal places to put these verses and choruses and I placed them there because I thought they were suitable and would fit in with the story. And that Spider-Man thing... I remembered that part sometime after I sent that entry in. ^^;

Another part you never really explained was the odd pokémon that both Darren's father and Darren had. They seem to be in Sinnoh at the moment, and yet Darren's father had a Charizard, while Darren has a Blaziken--neither of which are familiar to the Sinnoh region. You mentioned Darren's dad travelled, but you never really explained well how Darren got either of those pokémon. I'm not saying it's bad, and I really don't have a problem with it, but an explanation is definitely in order.

Put it this way, Darren’s father may have got Charmander as a starter in Kanto when he started his pokemon journey and eventually moved house to Hoenn where his son picked Torchic. Months later, they moved to Sinnoh and spent years there as father and son. Either that or they may have caught them in different regions. The thing is, I was focussing on the tragedy and the sadness parts of the story. I felt that if I had to go and write down their entire life story then people may not get interested in it.

Finally, thanks for giving me the review.

Sike Saner: Yep, all terrible things happened in that chapter. I thought that the ending part worked as well. Thank you.

 

[Araleon]

Hey, I just wanted to say I have posted my One-Shot, and once again say congrats to everyone who entered.

 

[purple_drake]

Hmn, I've noticed people actually saying in the titles of their fics that they're for the Requiem Contest... which I didn't do. ^.^;; So if anyone is interested and missed it because they were scanning for explicitly-stated Requiem Contest fics... mine is posted too.

 

[poke poke]

purple_drake: Why don't you just change the title?

Congratulations to everyone who entered the contest. I've been reading some of the entrants fics and they are amazing. I'd have entered, but, meh...

 

[purple_drake]

purple_drake: Why don't you just change the title?

I don't think you can edit titles; posts, but not titles. Then again, I haven't really tried. *checks*

...aaaand you can! Wow, yah learn something new every day.

That and... I guess you could say I'm a perfectionist. In my opinion, titles should have the title in it and nothing else. Any other details should be reserved for the author's note. It just seems cleaner like that (although admittedly not as accessible in some ways).