Requiem (PG-13)

[The Great Butler]

Chapter 3​

Dorian burst through the front door with a rabid ferocity that made Shelton think he had recently adopted the mind of a crazed Mightyena. The speed in which he rushed through the kitchen, throwing fruit, nuts, bread, and bottles of water into their two packs was wonderful and impressive to behold. Sweat poured from his forehead in torrents as he woke Golduck and Nuzleaf, and proceeded to body slam them. His fanatical eyes finally centered on Shelton, lips moving without expelling sound.

“Dorian, for the sake of your health, I really need you to start breathing,” Shelton advised.

“Sorry, sorry!” he gasped, taking deep gulps of air.

“Alright out with it,” she commanded.

“Give me a second,” Dorian said, hunching over to take in another few gulps of air. “Ronnie told me about the dig, and the legend, and about the director!”

“You’re not making any sense. Did Golduck hit you too hard? Is that it? It didn’t look any stronger than usual.”

Another great round of byplay between them. You really clearly are comfortable writing them.

“This,” Dorian said, pulling out the black stone, "is what I’m talking about.”

Turning his hand over, the gangly youth dropped the shard into her outstretched hand. Gripping it lightly, Shelton turned it over in her palm, admiring how the stone caught the light. She followed the intricate lines, her eyes moving over the broken forms of Human and Pokemon alike. The scene depicted on the stone was odd, almost disturbing. However, even as the thought grew in her mind, it gently slipped away.

“What is it?” she asked.

“It’s called obsidian. Well, that’s what it’s made out of apparently.”

Seems a little odd she'd focus on what the stone is made of as opposed to what's on it.

“Once again, what?”

“According to my uncle this stone was handcrafted from a metal ore that’s exceedingly rare nowadays.”

“That’s why you’re so excited?”

“Just sit down,” he said, motioning towards the recliner. She did as she was told, confused by his slightly desperate tone.

Bewilderment turned to interest, which in turn turned into full scale excitement as Dorian explained the events that just transpired. The apparently ancient piece of stone tablet that Dorian had found was no ordinary relic. Not only did it supposedly point to a treasure of infinite worth, but from what he said, the Pewter museum would pay dearly for the piece in his possession. His uncle was immediately convinced of the marker’s authenticity from the dozen or so pictures Dorian had sent from his phone. After the initial shock had worn off, his uncle had told Dorian about Pewter’s original plan for the site, and how his tenacious nephew could potentially profit from it.

I like that you're taking the story in this direction, though I do wish we had gotten to see a bit more of the exchange between Dorian and his uncle.

That said, I'm enthusiastic for where this is going. It's quite exciting.

Cutting him off mid sentence, Shelton asked, “So if I’m hearing you correctly, they were going to spend one-hundred thousand credits to move all of their excavating equipment here, but if were able to make it there before they leave, we may get some kind of finder’s fee?”

“Exactly. Ronnie thinks we could get up to a quarter of the moving expenses if he’s able to prove this thing is real.”

I would hope for more than just a finder's fee if I was them. This is quite the discovery.

“So why doesn’t he just tell the director and we just overnight it to him?”

“Two reasons,” Dorian explained. “First, from the pictures, and the way I described the density and weight, he thinks this is the real deal. If for some reason he’s wrong though, it would damage the director’s opinion of him. Which I’m sure would set them back even more money than they’ve lost already by the constant revisions they’ve made to the location and paying for their outside consultants.

“And the second?” she asked.

“It’s a pretty big deal to him that this thing gets to him in one piece. According to him they have almost no idea where the others are scattered and this piece would be a huge help in recovering the other pieces. He trusts us more than a mail carrier to get it there safely.”

That second reason is the only reason I'd need to know not to mail such an important treasure. The first one seems almost inconsequential; I'd almost think that going all the way out there with the treasure would look even worse if it was fake.

“You mean he trusts me,” she said, smiling coyly.

“Yes, he explicitly said that several times,” he admitted.

Heh, sounds like even their uncle is a character. I'm loving the characters, all of them.

“Dorian, even if he got us ten percent of the cost, that would pay me back and both our bills for the next two months!”

“I know!”

“That’s why you’re so excited!”

“Exactly!”

“Any other time, I would call attention to the fact that were both yelling!”

Cute little lampshade of the situation here. I did think that the yelling was odd, so seeing it pointed out makes it much better.

“Same here, but this occasion calls for it!”

“Yes!” she agreed.

They jumped up simultaneously for an awkward air hug, floating back to the floor on a cloud of content exuberance. Golduck, Shuppet, and Nuzleaf were staring at them with puzzlement, obviously understanding most of what had passed between them, but not enough to decipher what it meant. Probably due to how quickly travel plans were flitting back and forth between them. Regardless, the three of them waited for the inevitable explanation to come their way.

“Wait,” Shelton said. “To get to Pewter by the time the team moves out, we have to leave now.”

“To be fair, we needed to leave yesterday, but I know a few shortcuts that will shave some time off the trip.”

“I’ll corral the group, you pack the bags,” Shelton advised.

“Done and done. Meet you outside in ten.” Dorian responded, grinning broadly.

Shelton used her allotted time to assemble their collective Pokemon, including Machop, who was now shrinking behind her every time Shuppet came into view. She gathered them all together, explaining about the trip to Pewter, and assuring them of the enjoyable time they’d have on the way. Shuppet was the hardest to convince, pouting profoundly at the though of leaving her refrigerator behind.

I can see a lot of good developing coming for the Pokemon. They have pretty distinct personalities.

Dorian ran from his room to Shelton’s, gathering clothes and other essentials. When they were both full, he grabbed an extra battery for his phone, slinging it into his secondary bag which was full of enough food and camping supplies for at least seven days. Spying Shelton through the kitchen window, he blitzed through the front door, barely remembering to lock it behind him as he took a flying leap off the front porch to join them.

“Yahhh!” he yelled, promptly landing sideways on his left ankle and tumbling to the ground.

“Nu-uh-uh-zz!” Nuzleaf cackled.

“I have dominion over you,” Dorian reminded the grass type, getting up and brushing the dirt from his jeans. “And I am commanding you to not laugh when I inadvertently embarrass myself from now on!”

“Good boy,” Shelton smiled, patting Nuzleaf on the shoulder as the Pokemon blew its owner a raspberry.

heh, cute. I like it.

“You know, sometimes I don’t know who your more loyal to,” Dorian said. “Don’t forget that I picked you off the ground when you were a Seedot and attached you’re worthless carcass to that tree in the backyard!”

“Nuzz.” the Pokemon said, dipping his head low in an obvious apologetic gesture.

“Ah I’m sorry man, I was just kidding. And I know I promised I wouldn’t bring that back up again,” Dorian relented, “We’re good right?”

I wonder if this incident is going to be something we hear about later. I see the potential.

“Nu-Nuz,” the Pokemon agreed, reaching out to shake his owners hand. As the Pokemon’s smiling owner reached down to grasp it however, the Pokemon leaped up and over Dorian; and in one motion twisted gracefully through the air, pulling the front of Dorian's shirt over his head and using his momentum to kick out his legs, sending him back to the ground.

“You insolent sapling!” Dorian exclaimed, getting up and dusting himself off for the second time. The faction of Pokemon gathered around laughed in whatever way their species allowed, even timid little Machop giving a quick giggle.

“Anyway,” Shelton said, not hiding her own hearty laugh. “You ready to do this?”

“We're packed and ready, got everything we need,” Dorian said.

“Let’s get going then.”

“Let’s do it!” Dorian announced. “Strap on the nitro!”

“Really?” Shelton asked, “Come on Dorian, we talked about this for like half an hour.”

“Come on, just give it a chance,” he pleaded.

“No. That catch phrase is never going to catch on. Besides that, its barely a catch phrase. Its just random words that have nothing to do with our current situation.”

Their interactions are so lovable. I just wish I didn't know that it can't last.

“Fine,” he said, shouldering his pack.

“We’re clear then?”

“Yes, mother,” he grumbled.

“Now can we go?”

“Yuppers,” he said. “Let’s do it.”

“Are you serious?” she asked, frustration easily visible. “We talked even longer about that. Every single time you say ‘yuppers’, it causes me considerable mental pain.”

“Fine, but eventually you’ll be saying it too.”

“I seriously doubt it. And I don’t wanna hear any back talk from you either. Until we collect the money, I’m still somewhat pissed at you.”

“Okay then,” he replied. “Glad were off to such a good start. I’m really looking forward to going to Kanto with the Gestapo.”

“What did I say about talking back?” she asked.

“Last word freak,” he muttered, walking to catch up with Nuzleaf and Golduck.

“Heard that,” Shelton said, taking up place to his right.

Keeping a brisk pace, they soon passed the small hole where the source of his new luck had been buried. It was funny to Dorian how far his life had shifted today. Starting with the triumph of his successful Growlithe capture, to the domestic abuse administered to him by Shelton, then to the extreme financial gain he was about to attain. Stepping over the hole, a slight lime glint caught his eye. Bending down, he saw what appeared to be a shaving of rock, its surface oily in the intense sunlight. As he turned his head sideways, the small flake glinted again, the green color out of place amidst the red dirt of the road. Just as he was about to scoop it up, Shelton’s voice rang out from down the road, making him realize they had continued on without him. Shrugging the small flake out of his mind, he started back down the road, thoughts of fat stacks of credits making him smile.

Wait, they're going to walk all the way there? Seems like something they could just take transportation for.

I wonder when we'll see that flake again. I'm sure we will.

The man’s Alakazam was poking him in the shoulder, signaling for him to pay attention to what was happening in front of him. The man had been daydreaming again, as was common after his chats with the voices. They always left him somewhat lethargic and inattentive after he woke from his dreams. Taking a breath, he shook his head, trying to snap himself back to reality.

A very strong opening for his scene.

I want to say here that I like how you structure your chapters, one Dorian/Shelton scene and one Alakzam guy scene. Gives a great balance of keeping tabs on all the major players while it goes at a good pace.

[quote[“You won’t give me your name?” the curious clerk asked.

“What?” the man questioned, his Alakazam giving him a sharp pinch to the side.

“I asked for your name. You said you wanted to checkout?” the clerk asked again.

“Sorry,” the man said, pulling out his Hoenn resident identification card. “Ethan. My name is Ethan.”[/quote]

Huh, so he does have a name. I didn't expect to learn it so soon.

“Wonderful,” the clerk said, switching back to a friendlier tone. The clerk ran the card through the scanner, charging the night stay in the hotel to the account registered to it. “Is there anything else we can assist you with Mr. Bernard?

“No, thanks though,” Ethan said, returning the card back to his wallet.

“Thank you for your stay, we hope you’ll think of us next time you’re in Vermillion.”

Vermilion... I sense an upcoming meeting for Ethan and Dorian/Shelton.

“Assuredly,” Ethan said, nodding to the clerk and moving towards the exit.

Skirting pass the other patrons walking in and out of the establishment, Ethan and his Alakazam went down the side alley of the hotel and adjoining restaurant, glancing quickly around for any signs of life. His preferred method of travel was not practical, and always drew attention. It was quicker than hiking for miles though, despite the slight physical toll it drew on his psychic Pokemon.

“Were going to Johto, outside Cherrygrove,” he told the mustached Pokemon. “Should only take us a day if we move quick.”

“Zam,” agreed the psychic Pokemon.

“You okay?”

“Alakazam,”

“You sure?”

“Zam!” the Pokemon exclaimed, rolling its eyes.

Huh, so Ethan's Alakazam has some distinctive personality as well. I like that.

“Let’s go then,” Ethan said, sure that Alakazam was holding back more than it was letting on. It didn’t matter though, Ethan had much more pressing matters to deal with, and if the troubling situation on Alakazam’s brain really began to bother him, it would speak up. They kept no secrets from one another. Which was part of the reason why years later, they had remained as close as they were when they were young.

Nodding, Alakazam’s hands began to move in small circles, one facing towards itself, the other towards its master. The motions began to pick up speed, leaving wispy energy trails behind them as they spun. Alakazam grunted, and Ethan felt his feet lift off the ground. Pupils dilating, Alakazam pulled both of them up into the air, using only the power of its mind. The psychic type’s hands began to glow with a hearty purple aura, which it pointed towards the sky, shooting them up high above Vermillion City. The duo smiled at each other, both reveling in the feeling of absolute freedom. Facing west, they streaked towards Johto.

I really feel their bond. You're doing a good job depicting it. And their mode of travel, while I would have anticipated simple teleportation, is fun to see and was well described.

Another strong chapter, but then again, you started off at a good pace and have only improved each time. I'm enjoying myself.

 

[The Great Butler]

Kind of a filler chapter

Chapter 4​

“Trapinch, dodge!” Dorian yelled, sensing the water attack that was about to befall his Pokemon. His intuition proved to be correct. Less than a second later, a torrent of water was expelled from the mouth of the Marshtomp that he and Trapinch were in the process of battling.

“Ap!” the diminutive Pokemon agreed, rolling to ihis left and dodging the powerful jet of water.

Ah, a bit sudden to start the chapter in the middle of a battle that hadn't already begun. Not too big a deal, though, just a slight challenge to get into.

“Use dig, and throw in some zigs!” Dorian commanded.

Nice rhyme.

As the angered water Pokemon began spraying the whole road in frantic attempts to hit Trapinch, Dorian’s Pokemon plunged his head into the dirt, worming its body into the small hole it had created.

The Marshtomp swung its webbed hands menacingly at Dorian, challenging the human that had sent his Pokemon to attack it. Small eyes focused on the ground, the water type tried to track the erratic zigzags that Trapinch was burrowing all around it, knowing that if he lost it, agony would be its only reward. The small hump in the ground that was wildly circling the orange stomached Pokemon suddenly stopped. The Marshtomp took in a sharp breath, its gleaming cerulean hide drenched in sweat.

“Trapinch!” the ant Pokemon cried, bursting through the sloppy ground and striking the Marshtomp from behind. Bellowing loudly, the water Pokemon was launched upward, just to come spiraling back down as gravity exerted its unrelenting pull. As the Pokemon fell, Trapinch crouched down and leaped to meet the Pokemon in the air, twisting to bring its coiled back legs around. As the Marshtomp realized what was happening, the helpless Pokemon began to pinwheel its arms in a vain attempt to fly. There was an audible pop as Trapinch used both powerful legs to send a flying kick into Marshtomp’s stomach.

“Marshtomp!” it cried.

Gorgeous description here. What's particularly exceptional is that you're giving the Pokemon very distinct personalities that are coming across with subtle wording in battles. That is truly not easy. The action is good, too.

Sliding across the ground, the Pokemon righted itself and began to run away, doubled over in pain. Trapinch landed roughly right after it, roaring at the fleeing Pokemon and proclaiming its victory. Turning around with its approximation of a grin, the ground type Pokemon trotted back to Dorian and Shelton’s makeshift camp. Morning dew still covered everything, easing drops of water onto its bruised face. Early in the battle the Marshtomp had hit Trapinch with a well placed water gun attack. The force had hit him in the face so hard he almost retched.

Dorian and Shelton’s Pokemon were all out of their respective balls, clapping softly as Trapinch approached. Well, almost all of them. Shuppet had no hands so she swirled its weightless body around in the air in an attempt at congratulations. Machop too excluded from clapping, as he was much too occupied with having its arms wrapped around Shelton’s leg, watching Shuppet with its intense red eyes.

More great personalities. You're quite good at doing this.

“Nice!” Dorian beamed, jogging up to meet his Pokemon. “I liked that double kick at the end, way to improvise.”

“Good job cutie!” Shelton joined in, spraying dry shampoo in her hair as she congratulated Trapinch. The lack of a shower was getting under her skin, causing her to burn through her cosmetics at an alarming rate. She was dressed in her usual combo of long sleeve shirt and jeans, never faltering from her style of casual, yet undeniable allure.

Interesting to point out that Shelton is concerned about her appearance and is making heavy use of cosmetics. It's nice to have little character moments like that.

“Ap! Apap!” Trapinch responded happily.

“I was hoping that a win might finally make you evolve,” Dorian said. “It’s alright though. I know you’re as eager to get rid of those pains as I am. Maybe it’ll happen next time.”

As its owner reached underneath to scratch its underbelly, Trapinch felt an familiar sensation start tugging at its gut. Nipping at his owner’s hand, Trapinch closed its eyes.

“Really?!” Dorian started, snatching his hand away. “You love it when I scratch your belly…Oh.”

Trapinch began to growl loudly, tapping into the growing process that his kind was sometimes afforded. His skin suddenly transformed into sickly hues of yellow and green. His eyes began to bulge and turn a lustrous olive as his backbone began to stretch and wiggle trough the back of his thick hide. Crimson blood streamed down his sides as a pair of regal looking, rhombus shaped wings burst out from underneath his skin. Growling louder now, the bones in his face began to change shape, becoming thinner, narrower, becoming almost brittle in their lightness. As a pair of antenna burst out of Trapinch’s forehead, his new tail split in two, mirroring the shape and color of its new wings.

“Vibrava,” the dragon type hissed, his voice an eerie whisper. Arching its back, the newly evolved Pokemon beat its wings furiously, channeling the wind they produced all over its body, cleansing itself of the blood and fluids that had accumulated on its sparkling body.

Interesting timing for the evolution. I wonder if it will affect their relationship.

“Yes!” Dorian exclaimed, clicking his heels together as he took a flying leap toward his Pokemon. Scratching the Pokemon’s stomach in the fashion it had grown accustomed to, he asked, “Feels better doesn’t it?”

“Brava,” his Pokemon nodded, swishing its new tail from side to side.

Huh, so Vibrava keeps the trait of liking stomach scratches. Interesting, sometimes things like that can change.

Shelton rushed up as well, their Pokemon following close behind. She then proceeded to shower the vibration Pokemon with praise. Their Pokemon all took turns speaking to Vibrava, even Machop, releasing one hand from Shelton’s waist as he inspected the newly evolved Pokemon.

Dorian was glad to know that his Vibrava would not be suffering the same pains as it did as a Trapinch, and that it was one day closer to becoming the mystical Flygon.

Something gives me the feeling that the path to Flygon will not be easy and becoming Flygon won't be as great as they hope.

“Vibrava,” the dragon whispered, resting its head on Dorian’s shoes.

“It’s probably tired. That was quite an ordeal it went through,” Shelton explained.

“You’re right,” Dorian said, taking out its Pokeball. “I’m proud of you buddy.”

He returned the Pokemon to its Pokeball, hoping that it would find the rest it needed.

They had been traveling for almost two days, stopping on the far east side of Route 27 to make camp for the night. The area was quiet enough, save for the flock of Pidgey’s indignantly squawking at them from the shade of a nearby oak tree.

I don't see this peace lasting long, sad to say.

Shelton and Dorian gathered their supplies, packing up the collapsible tent and hurriedly shoving separate pieces in their bags. The Pokemon that didn’t want to walk were returned to their balls, leaving Shuppet, Machop, Nuzleaf and Growlithe out to stroll beside their owners. Downing their breakfast as they travelled, conversation soon turned to figuring out the fastest way to get to their destination.

“I think we should go through that new route they’re building to bypass the reception area and go straight to Route 22,” Dorian suggested.

“They said on the radio earlier that it’s not even close to finished yet,” Shelton countered. “Something about a roving gang of rock type Pokemon who are pissed at the construction crews. Apparently they’ve caused a ton of damage, setting them back almost a month.”

“But we're not part of the construction crew. Besides, it’s just the two of us. I doubt the Pokemon would perceive us as a threat if we just keep to ourselves and wander through.”

Dorian is about to make a serious mistake, I fear. His thinking is dangerously simplistic. He has Nuzleaf to deal with Rock-types, but this sounds too easily avoided.

“True, but they haven’t even built the road yet. Right now it’s just a thirty foot wide path with a rock face to the left and a sheer cliff to the right.”

“Well, it’s a little edgy, but it will shave so much time off the trip. If we go through the reception area, it’ll take at least a day to get through all the checkpoints to get to Route 22. Plus, last time I checked, both our trainer cards are expired.”

“That’s only because those fascists at the registration office tried to charge us an extra fee for missing our appointment,” Shelton said.

That's an interesting element to bring up, the need for regular renewal of trainer cards. I'm interested to see where you take it and what further information you present.

“Regardless, I don’t want to waste time if we don’t have to,” Dorian said. “We’re more than capable of walking a straight line.”

Dorian noticed a tall sign a few yards up ahead, signaling with an arrow that they needed to start heading north to connect with Route 26. He rubbed his left eye to quell the slight itch that had developed, noticing two shapes zooming across the sky. He thought at first it was just some random bird Pokemon, until he noticed that both shapes were humanoid, moving with speed in the direction they were walking away from. The sight made him anxious for some reason; no flying type Pokemon he knew of had a body like that.

Uh oh, here we go. Their paths cross.

The feeling of the crisp, frosty air on his skin made Ethan shiver, instinctively crossing his arms against his chest in an effort to warm himself. They passed through clouds gracefully, moisture collecting on their bodies. The land below was a brown-green blur, the roads snaking through the trees like an endless Seviper. They had been flying across Kanto for a day and a half, crossing the border into Johto almost an hour ago.

Ethan’s Alakazam’s remarkable mental abilities made it possible for him to lift them telekinetically; shortening the time it would take them to cross the distance normally. Psychic energy lightly glowed around his chest, the anchor point that he was being carried from. His Alakazam was sitting cross legged in the air, eyes closed, not needing them as he felt the air and the land below with his astounding mental abilities.

I wonder if Ethan taught Alakazam this strength or it was already capable of such things.

I feel like Ethan's shiver is a curious little bit of character.

“Kazam,” his Pokemon said, his words straining to reach Ethan over the howling wind.

Following his Pokemon’s pointing finger, he spied six figures on the ground below. They moved as a unit, keeping synch as they traversed the smooth path below. One of the figures, a human judging by the shape, stopped and looked at them as they flew past, the others in its group continuing their stride. As Ethan watched, the figure motioned to another human, pointing with one hand to where he and Alakazam were flying. Not wanting to be recognized, he called out to Alakazam.

“Through that cloud,” Ethan said, pointing to a nearby puff.

“Ala,” he grunted, giving them both an extra spurt of speed.

By the time the other human had looked up, they were inside the cloud, hiding them from prying eyes. Knowing that they were safe for the moment, Ethan relaxed. It was strange though; the first human had given him an odd sensation as he looked down at their group, a momentary feeling of anxiousness, as if the man or woman below had somehow wronged him.

Showing this same scene from Ethan's point of view is a brilliant decision, especially when you add the feeling he got from Dorian. This is an electrifying moment. It feels like a moment of escalation even though it's so simple, setting the stage for so much more to come.

“Keep us in the clouds until we get there,” Ethan told his Pokemon.

“Kazam,” the psychic type agreed, reducing their speed slightly for extra directional control. Moving them higher, they cruised at a slower speed, making sure to keep their presence hidden in the thick layer of clouds.

“Cherrygrove should only be about another two hours away,” Ethan said, sending Alakazam a mental picture of a small gravel path on the outskirts of the city.

Plucking the image of the gravel path from Ethan’s mind, the Pokemon ran through his memories of Cherrygrove City, trying to decide on an inconspicuous place to put them down once they reached their destination.

An appropriate reaction, too.

I'm noticing Alakazam didn't read Ethan's mind, but instead Ethan sent Alakazam the picture using his mind. Interesting...

“Look kid, I’m not in the mood to battle you,” Dorian said, his mood bypassing annoyance and going straight to exasperation. “I don’t care if we locked eyes, I don’t have to adhere to your need to prove yourself. How old are you anyway? Twelve?”

Ahaha, perfect. I smiled.

“I’m fourteen!” the kid yelled. “It’s in the rules! If you look at me, and I look back at you, we have to battle. I’ll call the Pokemon Battle Association if you don’t!”

“What makes you think I care? Do you think that’s going to change my mind? Kid, before you threaten someone, you need to make sure you have something to take away from them.”

Referring to the trainer card? I like how you're using it. What could the PBA do to him, revoke his license? He obviously can't use that.

I can't wait to find out what further the expiration of his trainer card will lead to.

“You’re just scared,” the adolescent surmised. “You know Beedrill and I would pound you senseless!”

“Are you off your medication? I have at least twelve years experience on you,” Dorian said, bringing his head down to the teen’s level. “Where are your parents? I’m feeling the sudden urge to tell them what an annoying little bastard you are.”

“They’re back in Kanto, not that it’s any of your damn business!”

“And you said you were fourteen? What kind of negligent parents send their kids out by themselves at that age?”

This feels weak, however, unless you changed the age most trainers get started for this.

“They have faith in me!”

“The only thing they should have faith in is that their son is about to get drop kicked in the head,” Dorian said, taking a step closer.

“Dorian, if you touch that kid I’m going to have Golduck toss you a quarter mile,” Shelton chimed in.

Ah yes, Shelton coming in with a classic line. I love her.

I bet we see this kid again.

The roommates and their Pokemon had been nearing the end of Route 26, when a young boy had burst out from the bushes to their right, his Beedrill buzzing along behind him. Clad entirely in purple clothes, including his hat, the fair-haired youth had walked right up to Dorian and challenged him to a fight. Normally, putting an over confident youth in his place appealed to Dorian, but they were on a schedule, a timeline which would net him and Shelton a lot of credits if they stuck to it. The little punk had spirit, which Dorian admired, but schooling this kid in a match was not an option if it cost him his payday.

It feels a little odd to explain the scene so late into it. Perhaps this should have been moved up to an earlier line, with relevant information to the later bit of the scene broken away and moved down.

“I’m going to walk away now, count yourself lucky,” Dorian told the kid, motioning for Shelton to follow his lead. Turning away from the worked up teenager, he started walking forward, his anger beginning to subside. It was at that moment that the teen called him the one thing that put him over the edge.

“Coward!”

Turning around slowly, Dorian dropped his backpack to the ground, his eyes ablaze with righteous determination.

“Here we go,” Shelton sighed, lowering herself to the ground. Leaning her head on Machop’s shoulder, she said, “Can you at least make this quick?”

“Terms?” Dorian asked, his voice laced with venom.

I can really tell a lot about every character in this scene, and I'm loving it.

“One Pokemon each, sixty credits to the winner,” the kid replied, stomping out a spot in the ground with his foot.

Striding forward, Dorian opened his wallet and deposited the agreed amount on the spot, his violet clad counterpart following suit. Taking up positions about sixty feet away from one another, the trainers each reached towards their wrists and activated their Pokeflects. A quick chirp later, and both of them were enveloped in a creamy blue glow. The kid started making small jumps up and down, pumping himself up.

“Twenty credits says he smokes you!” Shelton called out, moving herself in front of Machop and activating her own Pokeflect.

Ah, I almost forgot about the Pokeflect. Good to see it again.

Do I see a bit of a gambling streak in Shelton?

“Whatever,” Dorian whispered.

“I lead with Beedrill!” the kid yelled.

“Stop screaming, I can hear you,” Dorian said, rolling his eyes. Seeing a quick way to end the match, he called over Growlithe from where it was laying next to Shelton.

“Listen to me and we’ll get through this quick,” Dorian said, smiling at the dog Pokemon.

“Growlithe,” he barked, giving his new master a quick nod.

“Ready whenever you are, junior,” Dorian called, taunting the upstart kid. “Take some notes while this is going on. You might actually learn some-“

“PIN MISSLE!”

Did Dorian just screw this up? I bet he did...

Great chapter. It really flew on the power of your characterization, which is absolutely excellent. There was some great action here too, so overall, just about everything came together perfectly.

 

[The Great Butler]

This chapter ended up shorter than I thought it would. 5 pages on MS Word, but looking at the post, it looks really short lol. As always, reviews are welcome and appreciated!

CHAPTER 5
Cause​

The match was going badly for both contestants. The Beedrill was swift, zooming from right to left, anticipating the next attack. Scorch marks traced a line from its left side up to its twitching antenna, the wounds cracking audibly as it moved. Growlithe had not fared much better, wounded from Beedrill’s quick pin missile attack. Blood leisurely rolled down its mane where the points had struck. The liquid turned the ground an ugly shade of black where it landed, giving the sporting duel an almost sinister feel.

“Flamethrower!” Dorian yelled.

“Dodge!” his opponent shouted.

As Growlithe unleashed a stream of orange flame toward his target, the Beedrill flew up high, evading the hellish blaze. The Beedrill swooped down, unleashing another pin missile attack. Growlithe rolled to the right, catching a few of the barbs in his shoulder in the process. The rest slammed into the ground, some reflecting off Dorian’s artificial shield. Both Pokemon were obviously exhausted, judging from Beedrill’s drooping antenna and Growlithe’s labored breathing.

Wow, this fight is going in a much more intense way than I expected. I thought Dorian would beat this kid with Growlithe.

I notice your description is steadily improving each chapter.

“Tackle the Growlithe!” the Beedrill’s trainer yelled.

“Use Tackle!” Dorian shouted, seeking to end the fight with outright brawn.

The Pokemon collided with a loud bang, the energy discharge between the two being thrown straight up in a cascade of heavenly white. Both Pokemon hit the ground hard, stirring up clouds of dust where they landed. Panting hard, Growlithe struggled to remain upright. Beedrill was of the same persuasion, its wings struggling to keep itself it up the air. With a mutual groan, both Pokemon collapsed. Neither would be able to finish, their wounds too draining to continue.

Huh. I didn't expect it to end in a tie.

Dorian thought with the obvious type advantage it would have been a quick fight, but the kid had proved to be surprisingly intelligent. Especially when he used Beedrill’s wings to blow a flamethrower sent at it back to Growlithe, temporarily blinding the fire type and allowing it to land a strong blow.

“What was that about me learning something?” the kid called over to Dorian, recalling his Pokemon and retrieving his share of the money.

“Are you implying that you won?" Dorian asked, opening Growlithe’s pokeball and returning his Pokemon. “Because you obviously didn’t.”

“Neither did you,” the kid scowled.

“Well, I’m leaving,” Dorian stated. “Thanks for, whatever.”

“Right back at you, champ,” the kid fired back.

I smiled. They've got some strong personalities.

“You little bastard!” Dorian exclaimed, changing direction and stalking towards him.

“That’s enough!” Shelton interjected, stopping Dorian with a wave of her hand. “Let’s go.”

“Fine,” he said, knowing that Shelton’s wrath would be severe if he kept up with the unsportsmanlike attitude. He grabbed his credits from the ground and stomped back to the group.

I can tell Shelton and Dorian really balance each other out. They need each other, and that's a good thing for their characterization.

After the kid had given him another dirty look, he vanished down the path that Dorian and Shelton had recently traveled through. After another thirty minutes of analyzing the mistakes he had made, the boy was a distant memory. Still there, but the urge to run back and smack him had abated somewhat.

Thirty minutes after that, the group finally arrived at the half finished road between Johto and Kanto which had been under construction for the last year. Its purpose was to save travelers the rigors of passing through multiple checkpoints at the reception gate to the Pokemon League. The association was extremely strict on people passing through, even on those who weren’t trainers. It was their way to make sure that no trainers took shortcuts to get to other lands if a region had reached its maximum capacity of battle-able trainers.

“Look at the gouges in those bulldozers,” Dorian said, pointing to the dilapidated machines.

“They said on the news that it was rock types that did it. The ones living where they were using those demolition charges to clear the rock,” Shelton explained. “The only reason Johto and Kanto sanctioned it was because of the headaches that the League was giving ordinary people who were just passing through.”

“Well, luckily we have Machop and Golduck with us. They should be able to keep us safe with their type advantage.”

Uh oh, Dorian, you best not be too confident on those type matchups. You already learned that mistake once this chapter.

“Well yeah, but we also have six Pokemon between the two of us, plus our Pokeflect’s. We’ll be fine.”

Dorian suspected some sort of ominous feeling to strike him as he weighed the options. He was sure they’d be fine. While the bulldozers had been partially destroyed during the construction, no humans had been hurt. Not only that, but he’d been up against groups of wild Pokemon before and escaped relatively unscathed. After another few moments of consideration he decided that the extra day of waiting wasn’t worth it. Not only that, but because both of their trainer card’s were expired, they would probably incur some kind of fine as well if they had to go through the reception gate.

Dorian should probably listen to that feeling...

I like that you have the expired trainer cards as a recurring theme. I'm interested in that subject.

The path to the south side of Viridian City was shadowed by a sheer cliff face to the left, with a sheer seventy foot drop on the right. The road was basically a straight line, deep ruts marring the surface in some places where the machines had been doing their work. Uncompleted, the road was smooth in the beginning, but riddled with house sized boulders and sharp chunks of gravel where the dynamite had been doing its work.

The cliff face to the left began to shift. Slowly at first, almost accidentally, as if it was struggling to decide whether it wanted to keep its shape. White eyes opened along the expanse of the cliff, blinking slowly. Upon closer inspection, legs and arms became visible. The roughly hewn limbs made out of the same rock they were latched onto. The shapes communicated by moving themselves against the rocks, listening to the craggy vibrations that were made when they did so.

The colony of Graveler was tired, and they were angry. The humans had planted explosives in their homes, just on the inside of the mountain. They had killed two elderly Graveler by doing so. Their leader had stopped them from retaliating at first, believing the explosions to be some kind of accident. When the men and their horribly loud machines began to trickle into their new valley, however, they knew different. It was evident they were making another pathway, the ones that were spoken about by the Golem who left the inner sanctum to explore their territory.

Now, this is interesting. The thing is, I kind of wonder about how it matches up with how the situation was reported before. It sounded more peaceful than this. Did Dorian and Shelton not know what was really going on?

In unison, the collection of eyes rotated right, taking in the shapes of two humans and their Pokemon approaching from the west. Fear gripped all of them at once, a reasonable reaction to the atrocities that had recently occurred. Breathing loudly, the Graveler moved their bodies against the rock faster.

Their leader silenced the scraping with a single slap of its hand against the rock. Moving its hands in slow circles, it laid out its plan.

The leader was anxious about the course of action he was taking. He had tried to convince the humans to stop destroying their home by crippling their machines. His kind had always strived for nonviolent resolution, but the elders dying had pushed the others too far. His station as chief was in danger if he didn’t act. The others had made that very clear after the murder of the old one’s had taken place. They would no longer stand idly by like pebbles as their way of life was crushed in front of them. They would no longer restrain themselves as the humans wrestled their mountain away from them.

They would have blood for the wrongs that had befallen them.

I like the way you're depicting the Graveler society. It sort of reminds me of Planet of the Apes in a sense.

And the notes about their plans and hunger for blood are ominous.

“In what world do you live in where a Clefairy could beat a Hitmonchan?” Shelton asked.

“All I’m saying is that if the Clefairy has metronome, it opens up the possibility that the type advantage will not matter,” Dorian explained.

I could see this conversation happening between two trainers as they walk. It feels very natural.

The group had been walking for over an hour, nearing the halfway point of the new route. The sounds of the waves crashing against the rocks below soothed Dorian as he walked, allowing him to put his mind on autopilot as he argued his point with Shelton. Golduck and Machop were still leading the crowd, the fighting Pokemon letting his hand drag across the rocky wall, tracing the curves of the stone. Vibrava buzzed around the group in lazy concentric circles, drunk on its newfound ability of flight.

Good description, especially with Vibrava. I could see a newly-evolved Pokemon that gained the ability of flight reacting to it in such a way.

“What you’re talking about is such a gamble though,” Shelton continued. “Out of all the moves that could pop up, what are the chances that one of the type you need will show up?”

“Extremely slim I know, but gambling like that can yield unexpected results, and you know it.”

I wonder if this discussion will be relevant later.

Did I mention that Shelton seems to have a bit of a gambling streak before? Because she does. I like that the character traits you write are being shown consistently.

“On rare occasions that’s true, but ninety percent of the time, it’s not.”

“That’s where our styles differ. You calculate everything. Type advantage, skill set, move roster. Whereas I like leaving things to chance. Not only does it make it more exciting, but it leaves more to the imagination and you have the freedom to think eccentrically.”

Interesting contrast, I would think Shelton would be the one to leave things to chance.

“That might be why you lost against that Beedrill,” Shelton muttered.

“What was that?” Dorian asked, anger rising in his voice.

“Nothing,” Shelton said. “But you have to admit that sometimes taking a calculated approach can give you a better chance at winning.”

“Well obviously. I’m not saying I’m going to go against Cerulean’s Gym Leader with a crew of all fire types. But yes, I prefer to not weigh the odds and ratios all the time. I’ve found that leaving some things to chance keeps me on my feet.”

Ah, more of their rather fiery relationship. I like characters who get along like this.

As his trainer argued back and forth about their competitive style, Shelton’s Golduck stopped walking. A small chunk of rock had loosed itself from the cliff wall and rolled across his webbed feet. Picking the stone up, he looked up at the wall, seeing nothing that would have spurned it from its place in the cliff. Quacking softly, he tossed the rock off to the right, over the cliff and down to the water below.

Uh oh, here we go.

“Chop?” Machop inquired, also having noticed the rock tumble down the rocky outcropping.

“Duduck,” the Pokemon replied, assuring the smaller Pokemon they were not in danger.

“Machop,” he said, satisfied in the older Pokemon’s response.

If they only knew...

It was just then that the jewel in Golduck’s forehead flared with a sudden ruby light. His grip on Machop’s hand tightened, a feeling of dread gripping its formidable mind. As he looked back to his trainer to check her safety, a shadow fell across him and Machop. The rock wall to their left collapsed forward, the sound of rock on rock deafening to his sensitive ears. With a sharp intake of breath, the Golduck erected a psychic shield around himself and Machop, trying in vain to protect them. He was a microsecond too slow. The avalanche of rock buried Machop instantly, its cries cut short when its head went under the falling stone. The rubble pushed against his shield, which was protecting him from harm, but shoving him towards the edge of the cliff behind him.

'...did they just kill Machop?

“Duck!” he cried, summoning all his psychic power to stop the flow of rock.

For a moment, the rocks stopped, held in stasis by the sapphire Pokemon. As he was about to shove it back up the wall, a scream from further down the path broke his concentration. With a roar of defiance, the rocks loosed themselves from his mental grasp and struck his shield, sending him over the side of the cliff.

Oh ****, Golduck is in danger too? This got intense and it got intense fast.

Shelton and Dorian had been walking along amiably when a rockslide had fallen from the left side of the path and buried Machop. Before she was able to process the situation, she watched Golduck try to save himself and Machop, erecting a psychic barrier between themselves and the rock, but he had been too late, Machop had been pulled under. As she watched, her Golduck pushed against the rock behind a blue shield of energy, trying to hold it in place. The rocks kept coming and pouring down, seemingly of their own accord. The sound slowed her decision making even more, her synapses struggling to overcome the roaring of the stampeding stone.

“STOP IT!” she screamed in frustration. As she dropped her pack she saw Golduck swing his head toward her, sweat breaking out across his oily feathers.

Her shout could not stop gravity however, and as she started forward, the rocks slammed into Golduck’s shield, sending him over the side and towards the crashing waves below. She screamed long and hard, tears streaming down her face, her eyeliner merging with the liquid to form lines of jet black. She ran, desperate to follow Golduck to wherever it took her. She saw Dorian’s Nuzleaf streak past her, white energy licking its rapidly moving legs. Vibrava was close behind, diving off the edge of the cliff to aid the flightless Golduck.

Nice touch remembering her eyeliner.

Also nice that Nuzleaf and Vibrava are trying to help. It's good to see a mix of reactions.

As she bounded across the uneven ground, her right foot slipped and got wedged between two sofa sized boulders. Her momentum carried her forward and her head struck the ground, motes of dirt flung skyward as she connected. Stars flew across her vision as she quickly sat up. Her head throbbed, the pain streaming down from her head to other parts of her body. In her dazed confusion she saw a shadow falling towards her. Further back, she heard Growlithe roaring, Shuppet screeching, Dorian swearing. The shadow kept falling, subtle features such as small spherical body and two powerful arms becoming visible. The shadow blotted out her vision as it connected with her head, forcing her into unconsciousness.

Whoa, this got... this got really intense. Shelton's clearly in bad shape, who knows what just happened to Dorian and the other Pokemon, and I really wonder what that shadow was, though I guess it's a Geodude or an attack from one of the Graveler.

This feels like the chapter where things really ramped up. I can see several ways where this can go from here and they're all pretty exciting.

 

[The Great Butler]

Before I get started on this chapter, I want to mention that I have some ideas of where the plot might be going after last time.

Chapter 6
Effect​

Nuzleaf was running as fast as his body would allow, calling on reserves of energy in his belly to pump his legs faster. He had seen the wall collapse on his friends, Golduck trying to hold it back before he was overcome. What Nuzleaf noticed as Machop was pulled under the rampaging rock however, was that some of the rocks were moving and changing direction on their own. Five Graveler were rolling across the rock, stomping and pounding to pack the pile as hard as possible, burying Machop under an unimaginable amount of weight.

“Nuz!” he yelled as he reached the slope of the pile.

I have to say right off the bat that I notice a dramatic improvement in description looking at this. It's much clearer in what it's trying to convey than the earlier chapters were.

Three of the closest Graveler jumped into the air towards Nuzleaf to intercept, each grabbing handfuls of rock as their feet left the ground. Nuzleaf followed suit, using both legs to launch himself into the air. The Graveler threw the rocks they were holding, each handful tripling in size as they raced towards their target. Nuzleaf destroyed the first few with a bullet seed, twisting through the air to avoid the other harmful missiles.

“Grav!” the rock Pokemon yelled, taken aback by Nuzleaf’s graceful agility.

As Nuzleaf came back to the ground, he ran up the pile, meeting the Graveler as they touched back down. The first two took a thick wooden knee to the face, making them stumble backwards; while the third took a handful of brightly colored pellets to the forehead, the ricochets breaking off a piece of its rocky shoulder. Nuzleaf scaled a large boulder behind the third, flipping backwards as he got to the top. The single leaf on its head began to glow, a golden halo of energy building around the single stalk. As the three that had been pummeled by Nuzleaf realized what was happening, they quickly grabbed more rocks and chucked them towards him.

With a growl, Nuzleaf released the stored energy. By far not the most impressive solarbeam he had ever conjured, as he barely had enough time to even charge it; but the effect was exactly what he wanted. As a fiery inferno of solar light raced downwards towards the rocks where Machop was buried, the Graveler scattered. A deafening boom rang out as the solarbeam cut through the pile of rock, punching a twenty foot hole straight down. The rocks that were chunked at him by the Graveler’s were vaporized right before he ended the stream, allowing him to stop the attack and fall down into the newly made hole.

Now that was a fantastic action piece. You deserve a lot of credit for pulling it off, it flows nicely and clearly.

Diving headfirst, Nuzleaf rolled himself forward as he struck the ground, a small splinter of wood spiraling away from his foot as he landed. Gritting his teeth to get through the pain, he reached down with his right hand and pulled Machop out from under the last two feet of rock. His friend’s face was bruised and bloody, the consequence of the tons of rock that had buried him. Hand still attached to Machop’s arm, he pulled back and flung the fighting Pokemon out of the hole, just as the rock Pokemon he had injured crashed into him, slamming him to the ground and knocking him out.

Whoa, I didn't expect that. I thought they might get away.

Dorian’s mind was racing. The wall had collapsed right where Machop and Golduck had been walking. From his angle he couldn’t see what had happened, but Shelton had screamed and bolted, forcing his mind to race to the worst possibility. As he went to yell to Nuzleaf for help, his grass Pokemon flashed past him, already on the way. He saw a flicker of blue tumble off the side of the cliff, followed by the green shape of his Vibrava darting over the edge to follow.

As his eyes went back to Shelton, he saw her trip and fall, a puff of dirt rising from where her head had struck. He felt a terrible tug in his gut as it happened and he released his pack to run. It was just then that Shuppet wailed, the noise resonating in his eardrums like a nearby foghorn. He swiveled his head in the direction of her screeching just in time to see Growlithe loose a jet of fire from his maw, targeting a television sized rock that was falling towards him. The rock was shoved backwards in the air, its surface scorched and smoking. Growlithe roared his approval; the sound overlapping with the noise of Shuppet’s panicked yelling.

My blood's really pumping so far. Hopefully Shelton's alright.

“Dammit!” he yelled aloud as a large shadow suddenly darkened his vision. Just as the shadow connected, he brought his hands together, activating his Pokeflect. The Graveler’s attack caught him in the stomach, the force sending him to his back. While the Pokeflect repelled actual damage from the attack, the motion of the two of them smacking together sent him sprawling.

I take it Shelton didn't use her Pokeflect because she was caught off guard?

Also, I'm intrigued by how the Pokeflect works exactly. Hopefully it gets highlighted more.

As Dorian rolled to a stop, he shouted, “Growlithe, use flamethrower! Shuppet, shadow ball!” The attacks merged together as they hit their target, Growlithe’s flames turning a sickly shade of black and grey. The torrent of flames sent the Graveler back several yards, where it lay in a heap, body smoking steadily.

That's surprising for a Fire-type attack on a Rock-type. Growlithe must be strong.

An explosion behind him lit up the surrounding area in golden light, heat rolling across Dorian’s back. As his hand went to his head to protect himself, he saw parts of the cliff face begin to fall, betraying the secret of Graveler and Geodude alike. Two of the creatures slammed into Growlithe, forcing him to the ground and immobilizing his legs. Another four tried in vain to wrap their arms around Shuppet, only to have the ghost Pokemon phase through their outstretched arms, leaving her unscathed.

Dorian jumped to his feet, his mind racing to think of a suitable attack plan. Just as he got up however, two sets of arms snaked their way around his body, pulling him into a bear hug. The arms made no effort to be gentle, squeezing his body roughly, leaving Dorian gasping for air. A constant growl vibrated against Dorian’s back, an obvious display of menace.

“What are you doing?!” Dorian yelled, struggling to break free of the creature’s grasp.

“Gravav!” the Pokemon accused, not squeezing tighter, but not loosening his grip either.

I'm surprised the Graveler isn't actually trying to kill him by crushing him. I wonder if there's something they want.

Shuppet meanwhile was firing balls of ghostly energy at random, safe high above from the reaching arms of the Pokemon below. The attacks were hitting the ground as often as the Pokemon she was aiming for. When one of her attacks would hit their aggressors a shout of pain could be heard, followed by scores of rocks thrown at her by the crowd below. She kept on unhindered though, phasing through the rock like it was air.

I wonder how Shuppet can ever be defeated in battle if it can let attacks of types other than Normal-type through itself.

“Shup!” she screeched, halting her attack, her eyes riveted behind Dorian.

Dorian spun his head to the right to see Machop’s unconscious body flip out of the smoking crater further down the path. The fighting type roughly hit the ground, arms flailing wildly as he skipped across the ground. He laid there, eyes closed, his breathing coming in series of long gurgling gasps. As Dorian struggled to examine his injuries from afar, he spied three Graveler falling from higher up the cliff, disappearing from sight as they passed below the lip of the new crater.

“GRAVELER!” a new voice shouted.

Dorian turned his head towards the new voice and gasped. An overly large Graveler was holding Shelton’s unconscious body above its head, clapping its lower hands together for attention. From what Dorian could tell, the only injury she had sustained was a large cut across her scalp that was slowly seeping blood. The sight of the Pokemon holding her made Dorian struggle with newfound vigor, carelessly lacerating his skin on the sharp rock of Graveler’s body.

Yeah, it wants something. This isn't good. Her injury sounds pretty nasty too...

“Stop!” he shouted. “Let go of her and we’ll leave!”

The Graveler paid Dorian no attention. Swinging its rocky head upwards, it pointed at Shuppet, then back at Shelton.

What does Shuppet have to do with this, I wonder...

“Shuppet,” the ghost Pokemon said, drifting towards the ground.

Satisfied, the Graveler holding Shelton motioned towards two nearby Geodude, gesturing towards a spot in the road about ten feet ahead. Nodding, both Pokemon began to beat the ground furiously, digging a hole about three feet wide. Once they were finished, the Graveler stood Shelton up in the hole, and proceeded to shove dirt in as well; effectively burying her up to her neck.

Dorian watched the scene unfold in horror, unable to understand what the rocky Pokemon was doing. Frantic, he started looking around, searching for one of their Pokemon to help.

Growlithe was being held down by two Geodude, his face scraping across the dirt as he tried to free himself. Machop was barely alive, holding on by sheer will alone. Golduck and Vibrava had not reappeared from the side of the cliff yet, filling his head with even more worry. Nuzleaf was nowhere to be found and Shuppet was hovering nearby, seemingly catatonic by the threat made to her by the Graveler who was obviously in charge.

Dorian couldn’t understand why this was happening. Obviously this was the same gang of Pokemon Shelton was referring to earlier, but before they had only attacked the machines building the road. There had been no violence against any humans or their Pokemon at all. He had always been very good at reasoning with people and Pokemon alike. He had been told on more than one occasion that he would make a good salesman from his talent with wordplay. It was clear however, that there was no way to talk them out of this predicament.

“Grav!” the leader shouted again.

As Dorian watched, the Graveler held up two of its fingers with one hand and pointed to a pile of rock off to the left with another. Keeping its hands in place, it bent down and scooped up two basketball size boulders at its feet, balancing each out on an outstretched appendage. The hand he was pointing with slowly came around and he pointed toward each boulder, stopping to make the symbol for two again. Then its last hand came back around and pointed at Shelton’s buried body.

It sounds like they're threatening her in some way...

“I don’t understand what you’re saying. Please, we’ll go. We won’t come back, I promise,” Dorian pleaded. “Please.”

Growing angry, the Graveler pointed towards the same small pile of rock again, then repeating the gesture of making the number two and making the same motions towards Shelton.

Dorian stared at the pile of rock, trying to understand the significance. As he studied the rocks, six blackened hands became distinguishable, along with a shattered leg, and a few broken ivory teeth.

“Bodies?” Dorian asked himself. Then, the realization of what was about to happen crashed down on his mind harder than the rockslide that had pummeled Machop’s body. The bodies were Graveler. Judging from their shattered flesh they had died from the demolition charges that the road crew had planted. “Two of you, for two of us.” That’s what the Graveler was telling him.

Holy ****, I wasn't wrong. This is even more serious than I expected.

As he watched, the Graveler walked to his deceased brethren and stroked each of their bodies with one long crooked finger. Shaking noticeably, the rock Pokemon took a deep breath, composing itself. Turning around, with dark mud streaming from its eyes, the Graveler took aim at Shelton’s head.

I love how you're giving the Graveler such personality. It's a rare sight to see Pokemon like this.

“Gravgrav,” the Pokemon lamented, and threw the stones.

Before the stones reached their target, however, they halted in the air.

Suddenly, they reversed course, racing back towards the Graveler with increased velocity. One struck the rock Pokemon in the head, sending it stumbling backwards, while the other raced around to strike the Pokemon from behind, sending it face first to the ground. The assembled Geodude and Graveler stared at their leader in disbelief, not understanding, not able to process what had just happened.

Dorian however, knew the answer before they did. Looking up, he saw Golduck let go of Vibrava’s legs and fall to the ground below. He watched as Golduck lightly landed, one foot resting on either side of Shelton’s head. Golduck’s pupils glowed lilac, signaling the rage that was close to being released.

Oh wow, I expected Shuppet to do something. I wasn't anticipating Vibrava and Golduck at all.

“DUCK!” Golduck yelled at Dorian, raising both of his webbed hands above his head.

Knowing he only had a moment, Dorian raised his arms as high as he could, struggling against the strength of the Graveler that was holding him hostage. As his hands went upwards, a multicolored beam of energy shot from the jewel in Golduck’s forehead. The beam hit Dorian’s right hand with uncanny accuracy, rebounding off his Pokeflect and striking his captor in the stomach. The arms holding him hostage loosened, allowing Dorian to wriggle free. As soon as his feet touched the ground, Dorian jumped up and spun, kicking the dazed Graveler backwards. The rock Pokemon stumbled, crying out in pain from the lingering effects of Golduck’s psybeam. Its feet carried it backwards, over the edge of the cliff and to the roaring waves below.

Golduck's a smart battler.

As Dorian turned back around, the rock Pokemon broke their stare and attacked, sending chunks of stone streaming towards Vibrava hovering above and Golduck below. Vibrava tucked his wings and spiraled downwards, catching slight nicks from the thrown rocks as he dived. None of the missiles even got close to Golduck though, as the psychic Pokemon stopped them in mid-air as they approached, leaving them hanging to serve as shields for other incoming rocks.

Nitpick, but Golduck is a Pokemon that uses psychic powers, not a psychic Pokemon. That could probably be worded a bit more clearly.

“Vibrava, use gust on the rocks!” Dorian commanded.

Coming to a stop in front of Golduck, the dragon Pokemon flapped his wings furiously, kicking up sand and gravel as a vortex was generated. The psychic force holding the wall of thrown rocks suddenly dropped its hold, allowing Vibrava to send the stones back towards their attackers. Five of the rock Pokemon were immediately out of the fight, either immobilized by the heavy rock, or the impact of the stones sending them off the nearby cliff.

Shuppet meanwhile, had snapped her mind back into the fight and was currently flying from Geodude to Geodude, latching onto their backs and using hypnosis to put them to sleep. The Pokemon that experienced this sensation cried out in fear as the ghost Pokemon reached into their minds and ignited their worst fears, causing them to flee to sleep like it was their own idea.

That's a different way to describe Hypnosis, certainly unlike anything I've seen before for it.

“Vibrava, don’t stop! Golduck, get her out!” Dorian yelled.

Vibrava began to gyrate, dragging the vortex of howling wind in a circle, creating a barrier their attackers were unable to penetrate. Golduck focused his mental power below his feet, feeling the earth below with his mind and slowly raising Shelton out of her temporary prison. He worked slowly, trying his best to keep the sharp rock underneath from cutting her as she rose.

Dorian ran, the wind from Vibrava’s sustained gust attack almost knocking him off his feet as he struggled to get further down the path where Growlithe was pinned down. The same two Geodude were still holding him down, reaching down to strike the struggling dog when he managed to gain some leverage. Dorian ducked to avoid a rock thrown at him from a nearby Graveler, forgetting again that the Pokeflect would have stopped the stone from harming him.

“Shup!” Shuppet screeched, materializing beside Dorian as he ran.

As the ghost Pokemon’s voice reached the two Geodude, they looked up in surprise, catching twin shadow balls launched from Shuppet in the process. The Geodude were blown backwards into the wall behind them as the attack hit, releasing Growlithe from their painful embrace. Growlithe turned and bathed his assailants with fire for good measure, making sure they were out of the fight.

This is really good, intense action. I'm loving it.

“You good?” Dorian called to Growlithe, spinning on his heel and running back towards Shelton.

“Growlithe!” his Pokemon roared.

“Find Nuzleaf!” Dorian commanded. “Shuppet, help Vibrava and Golduck!”

Dorian followed Growlithe as he ran further down the path, following the scent of Nuzleaf. He hunched down as they passed the whirlwind of air around his Vibrava, taking note of the fact that Golduck had completely freed Shelton from the ground below and was holding her in his arms, shielding her from the occasional rock that made it through Vibrava’s barrier. Shuppet had taken place in front of the twirling dragon Pokemon, adding ghostly balls of energy to the whirlwind, hoping to injure any of the rock Pokemon that got too close.

“Nuzleaf!” Dorian called, hoping to somehow get his Pokemon’s attention.
He kept following Growlithe as the fire Pokemon led them to the edge of a large crater; one that Dorian was sure was the result of the explosion that had happened earlier. As Dorian and Growlithe began to climb the slope of the crater, Nuzleaf’s unconscious form was violently thrown from the confines of the hole. Nuzleaf’s body was traveling so fast that it hit Dorian directly in the solar plexus, knocking the wind out of him and sending him to the ground.

“GRAV!” a chorus of voices yelled. As Dorian got up and slung Nuzleaf over his shoulder, five Graveler jumped up from the inside of the crater, glaring menacingly at the trio below.

I hope Nuzleaf is alright. At this point I'm almost wondering how it survived.

“Grooo!” Growlithe growled, puffing up his chest.

“Don’t be thick,” Dorian said. “You can’t take on five of them. Let’s go!”

Huffing regrettably, Growlithe followed his master, hearing the sounds of the Graveler stomping behind them in pursuit. As he ran, he saw more Geodude and Graveler closing in on them from all sides, the ones ahead of them stopping short of the deadly barrier of wind and spinning rock created by Vibrava.

That's quite a bit of personality from Growlithe, too. Your Pokemon are very personable.

“Golduck!” Dorian yelled. “We’re coming in!”

The duck Pokemon heard them and nodded, using his power of telekinesis to open a hole in the vortex to let them pass. The rocks and spheres of energy parted for the trio as they ran through, closing behind them with a loud clap. Dorian laid Nuzleaf down by Golduck’s feet, checking his Pokemon up and down for injury. His Pokemon was breathing steadily, the only tell-tale sign of injury being the small chunks of wood missing from his foot, arm, and shoulder.

They were all in Vibrava’s protective circle now, even the unconscious form of Machop, whose condition was rapidly declining. As Dorian watched, scores of Graveler and Geodude poured out from over the top of the rock face, joining the fray of over thirty rock Pokemon that were trying to penetrate the protective circle around them. Vibrava couldn’t keep this up forever; and as powerful as his and Shelton’s Pokemon were, they couldn’t take on that many at one time. His mind raced, desperate for a plan to end the madness, to keep them safe. He wasn’t strong enough to overcome the odds though; he wasn’t powerful enough to fight off his aggressors. For the first time in his life, he didn’t know what to do.

"Rapidly declining..." I have a feeling Machop might be the one to die, not Nuzleaf...

I'm really liking how clearly the desperation of this fight is coming across. I can feel their hopelessness.

“Vibravaaa,” his dragon Pokemon moaned.

As Dorian watched Vibrava, he noticed that the hurricane of wind keeping them safe was starting to die down, the rocks being carried by it being lowered closer to the ground. Just then, one of the shadow balls that Shuppet had conjured leapt off course and smacked into Dorian’s chest. He felt nothing as it glanced off of the protective shield of his Pokeflect, but yelled when it ricocheted off of him and struck Shuppet. The ghost Pokemon wailed as the orb struck her, sending her crashing against the ground.

“Ava,” Vibrava whispered, dropping roughly to the ground and falling into unconsciousness.

Oh no, this is going very wrong...

Dorian should have known that the strain of sustaining an attack for that long was too much for the newly evolved Pokemon. He felt a momentary flash of pride in his Pokemon that quickly evaporated as the rocks caught up in the vortex fell and revealed the outside of their circle.

Over fifty rock Pokemon surrounded them, the ones nearest to the front gasping for the air that had been sucked away from them by Vibrava’s attack. Most of them were growling, making their intentions clear. They would not stop, and they had the numbers to back it up.

Fifty? That's even worse than I thought it would be.

“I’m sorry,” Dorian said to the crowd. “We had nothing to do with it.”

Gathering his emotions, he walked forward and stood in front of Shelton. Raising his fists, he waited. It would come in a moment. The inevitable tide of anger would wash across them and leave nothing behind. Dorian thought that at a moment like this, things would become simple. Clarity would chime in and he would know exactly what to do. Nothing came however, nothing to give him hope. He was with their Pokemon, and his mind was blank.

“Duduck,” Golduck stated, tapping him on the shoulder.

Dorian turned, vaguely aware that the rock type Pokemon around them were rushing forward. He watched Golduck gently stroke Shelton’s cheek, a peculiar milky glow beginning to take shape around his head. He placed Shelton in Dorian’s arms, pushing her against him to make sure he had a strong grip.

Faster than Dorian could think, he, Shelton, and their Pokemon were yanked upwards and shoved to the right, high above the incoming stampede of rock Pokemon. They flew through the air, being guided by Golduck’s formidable mind. Dorian saw everything, he felt all of it. His group was guided into the crater the earlier explosion had made, being pushed tenderly out of harm’s way.

Just before they passed below the lip of the crater, Dorian saw the rock Pokemon race towards Golduck, he saw the mauve energy around Golduck flare brightly as they reached him, and as the first attack connected, he saw the sapphire Pokemon explode.

Did they just... are you using "explode" figuratively or did Golduck just bite it?

That was a different kind of chapter than the first five, much more action oriented. But, I can't complain. I'm honestly quite surprised at how well you wrote the raw intensity of this action, and it was done so well that I could place myself right there and visualize itself clearly. Another strong aspect is that you pulled no punches. This is a desperate, brutal situation and you did not shy away from that. It's admirable.

 

[Sidewinder]

Hello Requiem fans!

I really want to apologize to everyone for my long absence, and for taking so long to reply to all of my wonderful reviews. All of you deserve responses to your questions and comments and I promise that you will be getting them soon. Almost right when I posted the final chapter I started a new job and the training period has basically been sixty hours a week for the last month and a half. Now that my training period is over though, I have a much lighter schedule! So not only will I have time (hopefully this Saturday and Sunday) to respond to the reviews I've gotten, but Ill also be able to focus more on writing Shatterpoint!

So once again, sorry for the long wait between replies, and thank you so much for all of your input. It means the world to me

 

[The Great Butler]

Finally getting back to the reviews.

Well, here's the newest chapter. It came out shorter than I would have liked, but I think I captured what I wanted pretty well. Thanks to everyone for their continued support, it's much appreciated.

CHAPTER 7

AFTERMATH​

Dorian inhaled deeply, trying to calm down his swiftly beating heart. He looked around, taking an inventory of his group that was scattered around the crater. Growlithe was sitting a few feet to his left, licking Shelton’s face in an effort to wake her. Nuzleaf and Shuppet were lying beside each other, both still unconscious. Vibrava was staggering to his feet, shaking his head furiously in an effort to wake himself up. Looking past the dragon Pokemon, Dorian spied Machop.

The fighting Pokemon was barely breathing now; holding on beyond what Dorian thought was possible. His teal skin was covered in blood from the countless cuts that littered his frame. Not only that, but Dorian could tell that most of his bones were broken from the way the fighting Pokemon’s skin sagged in places where it used to be pulled taut.

Good description to open up on. It sets the urgency of the scene well.

Dust drifted down into the hole they were residing in, the aftermath of Golduck’s psychic explosion. Sunlight glinted off the particles as they fell, making it hard to see the sky against the endless wave of specks. The silence in the crater shocked Dorian almost as much as the battle that had just taken place. After going from the sounds and smells of the chaos that had broken out earlier, the silence seemed even more foreign. It put Dorian more on edge, as he kept expecting the other proverbial shoe to drop.

Huh, so Golduck didn't literally explode?

“Vibrava, just sit there,” Dorian said. “I think it’s over. If you keep it up you’re going to hurt yourself.”

“Ava,” he acquiesced, falling back to his stomach and closing his eyes.

Satisfied that the newly evolved Pokemon wasn’t going to overexert himself, Dorian lifted himself up. Waving his hands to clear the puffs of dirt in his face, he walked over to Shelton and knelt down. Growlithe backed up as he approached, understanding that his approach of ‘lick and wake’ was failing.

“Growlithe, go find the bags we dropped!” Dorian ordered. “They have medicine.”

An appropriate way to follow the aftermath of such a brutal battle.

“Groo?” Growlithe asked.

“Bags!” Dorian shouted. “Get the bags!”

“Growlithe!” the fire type growled.

“Look, get the bags or I’m going to beat the hell out of you!” Dorian screamed.

Rough. I think this is a telling moment about how Dorian handles stress. Hopefully he's better later...

After another menacing growl, Growlithe did as he was told, spinning around and scaling the side of the crater.

Dorian turned his attention back to Shelton, turning his head to gauge the severity of the cut on her forehead. It wasn’t very deep, but like most head wounds, it was bleeding profusely, obscuring her soft features under a veil of red. Using the sleeve of his shirt he wiped away as much as he could, stopping when the arm of his shirt began sticking to his skin. Able to see her face again, Dorian lightly shook her. It had no effect, as she stayed thoroughly rooted in sleep.

Oh that doesn't sound good...

Groo!” a voice called from above.

Dorian looked up as their bags landed beside him and Shelton, making a mental note to apologize to Growlithe once the situation was wrapped up. Digging through his pack, he came up with a vial of smelling salt. Usually used to wake a fainted Pokemon from unconsciousness, Dorian knew from experience that it had the same effect on humans. Ignoring the label on the vial that boasted the hazards of human inhalation, he broke the top and shoved it underneath Shelton’s nose.

Well, at least he acknowledges he messed up with how he's treated Growlithe.

I like his imaginative use of the medicine.

“Huhhh!” Shelton exhaled, bolting upright.

Her head was spinning, the result of the smelling salt instructing her brain to release adrenaline into her bloodstream in torrents. Her breathing quickened, teetering on the edge of hyperventilation. Her eyes were wild, scanning left and right, catching glimpses of their bruised and battered Pokemon lying all around them. When she saw Dorian on his knees in front of her, she started sobbing. Springing forward, she grabbed his head in her hands, her questions coming in between frantic gasps of air.

“Where are they?” she cried. “Dorian, don’t lie to me. Where are they? P-please tell me, please tell me.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Dorian assured her, lowering her hands and pulling her close.

“No dammit!” Shelton shouted, breaking his hold on her. “Where are they!? Just t-tell me. Please tell me.”

“Machop is hurt really bad. The rockslide crushed him. Most of his bones are broken, but he’s breathing,” Dorian explained. “Shuppet’s fine, one of her attacks bounced off my Pokeflect and hit her, but I think she’s okay.”

How did he diagnose Machop so easily, or is he just guessing?

Also, I found it initially hard to understand what Shelton was talking about. I thought she meant the Graveler.

“W-what do you mean, her attacks?” Shelton asked. “Why was she attacking you?”

“She wasn’t attacking me,” Dorian said. “She was protecting us. Shelton calm down, you have to calm down. Take a deep breath, I’ll explain, but you have to get your breathing under control.”

Dorian's surprisingly calm here.

She did as she was told, halting the quick gulps of air and forcing herself to breathe more regularly. “What happened?”

Dorian took a breath; this was going to be extremely difficult. He recounted how the Geodude and Graveler had attacked, and how their leader had put Shelton into the ground to kill her. He went on to explain how Vibrava had saved Golduck, and in turn, how Golduck dug Shelton out of the ground. He told her quickly that he had gotten loose and gathered the others, all the while directing their Pokemon on how to protect them. Tears formed in his eyes when he got to the hardest part. Dorian told Shelton how outnumbered they became, and then how Golduck had saved them.

“W-what do you mean, he exploded?” Shelton asked, her voice catching in her throat.

“He’s dead Shelton,” Dorian said. “I saw, s-saw the energy discharge from his head right before the rock Pokemon hit him. He couldn’t have survived it. I mean, I saw it swallow his body.”

Oh ****, he did literally explode... that caught me off guard. I was actually beginning to feel comfortable again.

I have to give you credit, few authors would have the courage to kill a main character's Pokemon. Not to mention you did it early on, and it was written well enough to avoid needless edginess. I'm impressed.

“I don’t believe you!” Shelton screamed! “Why did you leave him out there!?”

“Shelton, I didn’t leave him out there. He yanked us up, I had no control over it.”

“Why are you doing this to me!?”

“Shelton, calm down. I’m not doing anything. He needed to save you, so he made a judgment call. That’s it.”

“You’re lying!” she yelled, shoving Dorian backwards and jumping to her feet. “He’s not gone! He wouldn’t do that!”

Dorian feels a little too calm about this, perhaps unrealistically so. Is there reasoning for this in his character or history, perhaps?

That said, I find Shelton's reaction very clear and believable. She sounds like someone who has just gone through the kind of danger she did.

“Shelton, you need to calm down,” Dorian said, taking small steps towards her, arms outstretched.

Shelton backed up several paces, her hands hooking into claws. Golduck couldn't be dead! He wouldn't leave her, not like this, not ever. She drug her hands across her scalp, trying in vain to tear the thought away. She looked around, studying the scene before her. Tears came faster when she saw Machop’s body, pitching her into even more despair. His frail frame was broken, his legs bent into odd angles. She rushed forward, only to stop in place. Golduck and Machop, both of them were hurt. Shelton knew Golduck wasn’t dead; it wasn’t even something she could comprehend. She was stuck in place, unable to decide what to do. She wanted to climb out of the crater and find Golduck, but at the same time she couldn’t just leave Machop. Indecision rooted her, turned her into molasses. Time slowed, her thoughts became even more muddled. Machop or Golduck, Machop or Golduck?

“Shelton,” Dorian whispered. “Go help Machop, I’ll go find Golduck. Give me his Pokeball.”

“O-okay,” Shelton replied, handing over Golduck’s Pokeball. “Tell him I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Shelton, he-“ Dorian started.

“Just tell him!” she screamed.

I think this really is a very, very important scene. We've seen conflict between Dorian and Shelton already, but never like this. This is raw emotion, like an emotional scab torn off a terrible wound. And I like it. This is the kind of emotion more fics need, and you wrote the spiraling thoughts Shelton is experiencing in a fantastic way.

Upon seeing her desperation and how fast the tears were coming now, he nodded in agreement. He watched her sprint towards the far end of the crater towards Machop, grabbing her pack as she ran. Dorian swallowed to steady himself. His own emotions were welling up in his gut, and it took everything he had to keep them at bay. He had to be strong for Shelton now; he had to keep her stable. She was likely to fracture if something happened to one of her Pokemon, much less two. Dorian knew she was capable of a complete mental breakdown and that she was well on her way. He didn’t want to see the devastation Golduck had released on the other side of the hole; but if Shelton saw him go, it might calm her down enough to intelligently decide on the next course of action for Machop.

And you really get a feel for Dorian's concern for Shelton, too.

Dorian winced slightly as he climbed the gentle slope. The cuts on his arms from the Graveler who had held him hostage were burning in the dust filled air. Every time he grabbed a rock to steady himself on the climb, sharp slivers of pain raced across them. The lacerations were hardly severe, but as he flexed his arms, they widened, causing him even more pain. He straightened up quickly as he got to the top of the crater, unprepared for the sight that lay before him.

The psychic explosion Golduck had summoned had devastated the evolving road. The spot where Golduck had stood was a normal shade of dirt brown, but starting a few inches away and ending at Dorian’s crater shelter, the ground and rock had been burned black. Deep fissures had been carved in the ground and what was left of the rock wall to the right, their pattern jagged and chaotic. A few shapes moved here and there, rock Pokemon that had survived. Many though, had not been so lucky. Dorian saw piles of blackened rock everywhere, most of them so jagged he couldn’t tell if they were Pokemon at all. It was at that moment that he saw a strange light.
Scattered around the boulders and piles of former rock Pokemon, stones hypnotically glowed lilac. They thrummed softly like a heartbeat, radiating brighter, then dimmer in random sequence. It was actually quite magical to behold amongst all the devastation. The stones put his troubled mind at ease, soothing his thoughts as he walked past them. Careful to not touch any of the assuredly dead Pokemon, he reached down and touched one of the glowing stones.

“Ahh!” Dorian yelled, jumping back in surprise.

As his fingers had grazed the stone, an icy spike had driven itself against his mind. The pain was agonizing, assaulting his thoughts like a corkscrew being driven into his brain. As soon as his hand left it, the pain stopped, leaving Dorian shivering in a cold sweat. He passed the rock by his foot and tried to fit all the glowing stones into his field of vision. They no longer pulsed with soft light; their glow had grown darker, more sinister. They now flashed with a hungry vigor, taking their appearance from a low candle to that of a strobe light. Golduck’s explosion had done more than cripple the rock Pokemon threatening them; his psychic essence had bonded itself to the rocks all around, turning the road into a mental minefield. As Dorian shook his head to clear his mind, he saw Golduck.

Wait, not one of the mysterious stones from the prophecy? I had been hoping they were back now. Golduck's mental essence in the stones is an interesting idea though, and raises some clever ideas it could take.

The duck Pokemon was firmly embedded in the rock wall in front of Dorian. His tongue hung limp out of his open bill, saliva dripping down to pool on the ground below. Golduck’s lifeless pupils were dilated to the extreme, speaking volumes of the inactivity behind them. As Dorian kept looking up, he saw that the small jewel in Golduck’s forehead had shattered, leaving a gaping hole. Lavender psychic energy drifted lazily out of the gap in his skull, forming a bubble above Golduck’s head.

“Dammit,” Dorian muttered, no longer able to hold back tears.

That's certainly a grim bit of description. Grim, but necessarily so, and very clear.

They streamed from his eyes in waves, splashing against the blackened ground below. Hanging his head, Dorian raised Golduck’s pokeball and activated the return button. Just as a red beam leapt from the ball and arced towards Golduck, Dorian remembered that it was pointless; it was impossible to call back dead Pokemon.
Regardless of Dorian’s intentions, the red beam continued forward, striking the sapphire avian in the sternum. Golduck’s body morphed into solid energy and returned to his Pokeball. Dorian stared at the red and ivory ball in his hand, a few tears rolling sideways off of its glossy surface.

“What?”

Wait, is Golduck alive or not? But then again the mystery does seem to be deliberate.

Shelton was crouched over Machop, the contents of her bag dumped into a pile by her side. She had sprayed the worst of Machop’s bloody wounds with potions and watched as his battered teal skin began to slowly knit itself back together. When the wounds on his arms, legs, and chest had closed back up, she balled up a spare shirt. Taking great care, she slid her hand under Machop’s head and pushed the shirt underneath, flinching when she saw that her hand was now covered in blood.

“No!” she sobbed, slapping her hands against the ground. “No, no, no!”

Tears began rolling across her cheeks again, called forth by another wave of emotion that racked her body. Shelton turned her head and dry heaved, cringing when hot bile caught in her throat. Breathing heavily, she turned back to Machop, trying to decide on her next course of action. She couldn’t roll him over to the side to assess the damage to his head without injuring him further, but she couldn’t let the injury to his head continue bleeding either. She sobbed harder when she realized that it didn’t matter, as most of his bones were broken anyway.

Wow, that's gruesome. You certainly don't pull any punches.

She looked up as she heard Dorian and Growlithe approaching from the left, her eyes darting to Dorian’s face and then to the pokeball clutched in his left hand.

“Is he-,” Shelton started, finding herself unable to finish the question.

“He’s alive,” Dorian replied, kneeling down next to her. “I don’t know how he survived, but we have to get him to Viridian right now.”

Whispering a prayer of thanks, she asked, “What about Machop?”

“We’ll have to return him and hope we can get there in time too.”

“If we put him in his ball, the stress of shrinking could kill him.”

“What do you think is going to happen if we just leave him out?”

“I know!” Shelton cried! “Just let me think for a second!”

Wow, I didn't expect Machop to be the one in mortal danger, I thought it would only be Golduck.

“Did you spray the worst of the wounds?” Dorian asked.

“Yes,” Shelton said. “But I think he has a fracture in the back of his head because it’s bleeding really bad. We can’t flip him because he might go into shock.”

“Did you try just lifting his head to see how bad it is?”

“No, I think most of his vertebrae are broken, I didn’t want to risk it.”

“Okay, did you tr-“ Dorian began.

“I know what to do, Dorian!” Shelton yelled, shoving him backwards.

“Stop!” Dorian ordered. “I’m just trying to help. I c-can’t, I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m sorry,” Shelton said. “I’m sorry, I just, I don’t know, I don’t know.”

“Hey,” Dorian said, pulling her hand into his. “It’s okay. Let’s just take this one step at a time. Think back to class. What do we do?”

“I think that if we can mo-“ Shelton started, breaking off from her statement and uttering a small whimper.

This is very realistic for two people dealing with a traumatic event. I'm very impressed you managed to capture this, actually, that's how realistically you got it.

Machop’s eyelids were fluttering. Shelton drew in a sharp breath and stopped moving, focusing all her attention on her broken Pokemon. As she watched, his eyelids opened again and quickly closed. He repeated this several times before they slowly slid open and stayed that way. As his eyes found Shelton, he let out a soft moan that was cut off by the sound of liquid sloshing in his throat.

“There he is,” Shelton cooed. “There’s my sweetheart.”

Machop didn’t reply, just stared at Shelton.

“I need you to do something for me sweetie. I need you to stay awake okay? Dorian and I are going to get you to the Pokemon Center in Viridian and you’ll be okay. I just need you to stay awake. Can you do that for me?”

And now we flip from aggressiveness to tenderness, and I continue to be in awe of how well you capture the emotions. Here it's the bond between Shelton and Machop,

Again, Machop didn’t reply, he just kept staring at Shelton’s face.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Shelton said, her tears splashing across Machop’s chest. “If you stay awake for me I’ll sing you your favorite song. Remember your song?”
Machop’s eyes widened slightly for a moment, then started to work their way down again.

“I’ll just sing it for you then, and you can stay awake, and we’ll get you to the Pokemon Center, okay?”

Bending down closer to Machop’s head, Shelton sang, “Sunshine, my darling sunshine. You make me happy, when skies are grey. You’ll never know dear, how much I love you, please don’t take, my sunshine away…”

Machop’s eyes closed completely.

Holy ****, if I was going to shed a tear at any point in this chapter, it would be now. This hurts. A lot. In a good way, of course, because you're playing my heartstrings like a pro.

“No Machop, no, no,” Shelton cried. “You have to stay awake. Okay? Okay?”

“Shelton,” Dorian said. “We have to chance it, if we don’t; he’s going to die right here.”

Ignoring Dorian, Shelton continued talking to Machop. “Sweetie you have to stay awake, okay? You have to fight it. You have to power through. I love you with all my heart Machop and I need you to fight. Please.”

“Shel-“ Dorian started.

“Shut up!” Shelton screamed. “Dammit Machop, just fight! Fight it! Your whole life you’ve been afraid of everything! I don’t know why and I don’t care, but this one time I need you to fight! Please!”

I know I keep saying it, but damn do you know how to do intense emotions.

Caught up in the moment and not understanding that she may be causing even more damage, Shelton grabbed Machop’s hands and started squeezing them harshly. “Fight! Just fight it dammit! Fight!"

All of a sudden, Machop’s eyes flew open again. His body began to spasm uncontrollably, his hands tearing out of Shelton’s grasp and beating themselves against the ground. Machop bellowed, causing Dorian to grab Shelton and pull her backwards in alarm. As the pair watched, the pigment in Machop’s skin suddenly changed, becoming a creamy blue. His cranium split open and three bony crests forced themselves out of his skull, blood squirting out to form a halo around his head. The muscles in his arms, legs, and abdomen bulged unnaturally and expanded, becoming hard and thick. Inside Machop’s body, his bones snapped even more and repaired themselves instantly as his brain sent commands to flash generate calcium. Machop screamed again as the newly repaired bones stretched themselves, lengthening his torso and legs. With one final spasm, his face contorted, stretching itself wide, his mouth boasting two new pairs of razor sharp fangs.

“Choke,” Machop wheezed.

Whoa, I did not expect that. That is how to do a "power of friendship" evolution. Excellent description of his physical changes too.

Shelton and Dorian stared in disbelief at the mound of muscle lying in front of them, mentally unable to utter a single word. Simultaneously, they both reached out to touch Machop, or rather the Machoke that had taken his place. When their fingers traced their way up and down his unblemished skin, they felt hard muscle, followed by strong, solid bone. Disbelief flashed across their faces as they probed every inch of the unconscious Pokemon, marveling in the power of his evolution.

“Shelton, I just, I think he’s okay,” Dorian stated.

“I think he is too,” Shelton agreed, fresh tears coming to her eyes.

“Look alright, I think we can put him back in his ball now. We have to get to Viridian though. Golduck is just as bad, if not worse.”

“What did he look like?” Shelton asked, looking away from Machop and up into Dorian’s face.

“Listen, we don’t have time, we have to go.”

A good choice of words for Dorian here.

“Okay,” Shelton said, taking a deep breath to steady herself. “Let’s go.”

With the exception of the upstart Growlithe, they both returned their Pokemon to their respective balls and shouldered their packs. Shelton accepted Golduck’s pokeball when Dorian offered it, clutching it to her chest for safety. She stared at the shiny surface of the ball, whispering a quick prayer for her Pokemon’s health.

I feel like that note about prayer is important. Is Shelton religious, or does she pray when she needs only, perhaps?

“Growlithe,” Dorian called, summoning his Pokemon to his feet.

“Groo,” Growlithe said sharply.

“I’m sorry for the way I spoke to you earlier.” Dorian explained. “As you can imagine, I was a bit caught in the moment and I’m sorry. We have to get to Viridian or Golduck might not make it. Be mad at me if you want, but I need your help.”

“Growlithe,” the dog Pokemon huffed, keeping his fangs exposed.

“Good. I don’t know if there are any rock Pokemon left, so I need you to stay a little bit ahead and warn us if any more pop out. Can you do that?”

“Groogroo!” Growlithe answered, puffing up his chest.

“Thanks,” Dorian said, ruffling his mane. Turning to Shelton, he seized her hand and squeezed. He looked into her eyes and nodded, smiling as best as he could. She distractedly smiled back and wiped her eyes. Growlithe roared a challenge and started trotting up the side of the crater with Dorian and Shelton close behind. As the trio reached the top of hole, they started sprinting.

The support shown between Dorian, Shelton and Growlithe here is a wonderful way to end such a bleak chapter.

I hope this isn't too much, but this really was a beautiful chapter. I owe that to your expertise in writing emotion, without which this chapter could never have been as good. Sure, there was less action than in other chapters, but you made up for it many times over when it comes to emotional content. I'm not disappointed in the least, I think this was excellent.

 

[The Great Butler]

All Ethan chapter! I was really excited about this, and I think it came out pretty well. To everyone who has been following and helping me out, thanks. All of you are really helpful in helping me make a great story. Thanks!

It's about time for Ethan to return, so giving him center stage for this chapter? Excellent choice.

CHAPTER 8​

Ethan watched the brown gravel road rush up to meet him and an Alakazam like a giant baseball bat, its marred surface eager to squash them into oblivion. However, they landed lightly, both somewhat shaky on their feet after having spent so much time in the air. As he checked the surrounding area for anyone who might have seen them touch down, he spied a small house a little further down the road. It looked almost lonely; as if it was somewhat depressed it was empty. He thought it was strange that the road ended at that particular house. The road was quite long, and it was kind of a letdown that it ended with such a ramshackle cottage.

He looked over at Alakazam, taking in the sight of his drooping mustache. From the way his Pokemon was perspiring, he was obviously tired. As if to answer his question, Ethan’s Pokemon looked up to him and slowly shook his head. They stared at each other for a few moments, both having something to say, neither wanting to be the first. Ethan wasn’t going to back down and tell him he was tired and Alakazam wasn’t going to tell him that he was tired of looking for these stupid flakes.

Now this is an interesting angle to play. I didn't think Alakazam would have tired of the search, which is something that can be used to develop some interesting interactions between them later. On Ethan's part, I wonder what he's tired about exactly.

Both feeling unfulfilled, they broke off the stare and started scanning the ground, looking for the flake that Ethan was so desperate to find. The voices had shown him exactly where it would be. The house at the end of the road proved this, as it had been in the picture that was burned into his mind. He took a few steps forward, trying to line himself up exactly as he was supposed to for the picture to center itself. As he went to take one last step, he reconsidered, and stopped.

"Unfulfilled" is a curious word to use. It raises questions about their mindsets and approaches to Ethan's quest that I'm definitely into seeing answered.

Looking down, he saw a hole. There was nothing inside; well, almost nothing. As he bent down, he saw the flake. It glistened heartily, glowing olive as Ethan reached out to absorb it. Just like the last one, it drove itself into Ethan’s palm, twisting and burrowing itself into his flesh like a Caterpie into an apple. Tremors racked his body as it went deeper and deeper.

“Enough already, Christ,” Ethan moaned, cradling his throbbing arm.

You can really tell that Ethan's doing this automatically, as if he is being forced even. It's certainly not the stereotypical motive for a quest, I'd say from what I've seen so far.

I wonder to myself what would have happened had someone else somehow found the flake before him, on a random note.

Heeding his plea, the flake stopped moving and settled down. Grimacing, Ethan turned his hand over. Once again, the flake had left no evidence that it had been there, stitching his skin back together as it passed. Blood from his hand had dripped down into the hole that he had found the flake in, mixing with the dirt to form an oddly light shade of black. Ethan stared hard at it; he was always disappointed when he lost blood. He knew that his body produced more every day, but it still made him anxious to think that the substance that was sustaining his life had been so carelessly wasted.

At this point it feels like the shards might be sustaining Ethan's life more than his blood, if you ask me.

“Ala!” his Pokemon yelled.

“Look!” Ethan growled, showing Alakazam his uninjured hand. “I’d appreciate it if you’d give me a little space. I’m fine! I was fine last time and the time before that! Get off my back about it!”

“Ala!” Alakazam exclaimed, taking a step closer.

“Of course not! Besides that, it’s something that I want to do. Its only ever helped us anyway.”

I don't think Ethan really believes his own words. Or is he even capable of saying things the shards don't want him to at this point?

“Kazam, zam ala.”

“Oh screw you! You’ve been with me every step of the way. You can’t just spring these complaints on me out of nowhere. If you have a problem with something I’m doing, then say something right then. Don’t just spring it on me out of nowhere when the situation has passed. You do this all the time!”

I'm assuming Ethan can actually understand Alakazam's speech.

“Kazamam!” his Pokemon challenged.

“I don’t have to ask for your permission! I involve you in my decisions because I love you! I’ve never led any of you into anything we couldn’t handle and I’m not about to start! Let it go!”

“Kazam!” Alakazam accused, baring his small teeth.

“Shut up,” Ethan hissed, roughly shoving his Pokemon backwards.

“Ala!” his Pokemon yelled. As the sound left his lips, the psychic Pokemon flexed his right hand, calling an orb of psychic energy to hover above his palm. The ball gyrated quickly, eager to be released. The colors thrummed from purple to black, with grey streaks swirling around its center.

Wow, I never would have thought the split would come this soon. And with the willingness you've shown to shed blood, I can't predict where it'll go. That's exactly how it should be.

“Do it,” Ethan whispered, grabbing his Pokemon’s hand.

“Kazam,” his Pokemon replied.

“Come on, do it,” Ethan said, egging the Pokemon on.

“Alakazam.”

“You lack the courage of your convictions,” Ethan accused, shoving his face into the swirling ball of energy.

“KAZAM!”

As Ethan’s faced grazed the exterior of the ball, his flesh began to fester and burn, quickly bypassing first degree and going straight to third. His Alakazam quickly ended the flow of power feeding the orb’s energy, effectively saving his master from further injury. The attack had broiled the lower half of his face, making him quickly reel backwards in pain. He stumbled backwards, his hands reaching up in reflex to put pressure on the wound.

Now this is truly fascinating. I may be wrong, but this is how I analyze this scene: you see Alakazam concerned for Ethan's safety, but with the way Ethan treats Alakazam in return it comes off as an abusive relationship in which Alakazam tries to object and Ethan forces his emotional hand until he relents. Another element of this is that they definitely seem to have cared genuinely about each other in the past, which gives the reader an implication of what the intervening years were like.

He watched Alakazam approach, his eyes beginning to tear with worry. The pain he felt vanished instantly as he took a breath and centered himself; the flakes were already doing their work. As he continued to breathe, the burned and ruined flesh on his face evaporated in a stream of black smoke, being replaced by the tan, flawless skin that had been there before. Reaching up again, he felt his unblemished skin stretch itself tight across his chin.

See, that builds into what I said earlier. He clearly is not human anymore, in more ways than just having voices in his head.

Looking at his Alakazam, he stated, “That’s why we do this. This is why we’re out here.”

I have a few ideas as to what that "why" is, none of them are happy.

“Kazam,” his Pokemon lamented.

“I do value your opinion, but we agreed on this a long time ago.”

Does he, though?

Alakazam just stared at him.

“And you will not mention that incident again. Do you understand?”

“Kazam,” his Pokemon nodded.

Ethan walked away, the gravel crunching delightfully under his boots. The memory of ‘the incident’, as he referred to it was still fresh in his mind all these years later. Still disconcerting, still raw. It was a few years after he had absorbed the first flake. He was fifteen; god, he had been fifteen. He was training hard, developing his new abilities when it had happened. He had been running so fast, too fast to stop. Then it happened and it was his fault. His fault, his decision, his fault; it bounced around in his mind like a tennis ball.

“Doesn’t matter,” he told himself.

Ooh, clever move, dropping hints to the incident while stopping just short of explaining it further. Stimulates the reader's imagination while dropping some tantalizing little clues of what will come later.

He stopped at the steps to the house, trying to figure out his next move. The voices, the disembodied guides of his fate had told him that the flake was going to be there. They said he could have it, if he would do them a small flavor. The third favor that they had asked of him. He had been collecting the small shards of stone for the last several months. He wasn’t sure why, just that they were adamant that he left none of them behind. When he asked them about it, they said it would be revealed when he was ready. As far as he could tell, they had his best interests at heart. They always did, they never led him astray. However, the shard that was supposed to be there was gone, and he didn’t know where else to look.

Wait, the flake was different from the shard? This part confuses me a bit.

Sighing loudly, he scaled the steps of the house and in one motion busted down the front door. He barely felt the impact as his shoulder tore the door from its hinges, sending it flying across the room. Glass shattered, violet furniture was upended, and pictures fell facedown off the walls.

Another manifestation of his powers, I see.

Bending down, he picked up one of the picture frames that had fallen. Two people, surrounded by Pokemon, smiled serenely in the photograph. The man was broad shouldered but thin, hints of scruff taking shape on his jaw line. The woman was curvy and pleasant, with hair like sunlight. A feeling of anxiousness washed over the man as he stared at the two people, his mind recalling a similar feeling he had felt not too long ago. Why were these two bothering him? He couldn’t figure it out. He was sure he’d never seen them before, but for some reason they seemed familiar. Acquaintances long forgotten? Looking around the home, he quickly put that thought away; he didn’t associate with bottom rung people like this.

Perhaps they're connected to the shards?

Also, interesting note about "bottom rung people." I hadn't thought about Ethan's attitudes regarding social class.

Dropping the picture back to the ground, he called, “Come in here!”

A moment later, Alakazam entered the room, stepping over broken pieces of the demolished door.

Couldn't Alakazam just levitate over the pieces?

“With me,” Ethan instructed, walking towards the rear of the house.

He strode past wall décor and broken vases alike, looking for what he needed. At the end of the hall, he found it, a bedroom. The room was vastly unorganized, with piles of clothes and books scattered about like a bomb had went off. Curling his lip in disgust, he roughly laid down on the bed that was shoved into the corner. He rolled from side to side to get comfortable, stopping when the comforter beneath him smoothed out.

“Five minutes,” Ethan said as Alakazam entered the room. “I just have to ask them.”

Figuring it was better not to argue, Alakazam nodded and approached his master. Laying one hand across his brow and the other across his master’s eyes, he concentrated. He transferred deep waves of calm into Ethan, slowing his heart rate and causing his eyes to flutter. Hands glowing black, he pushed down hard on his master’s face, sending him into unconsciousness.

Whoa, what is this? Is he talking to the voices?

Ethan blinked.

Sunlight blazed above his head, bathing his skin in rich heat. He propped himself up onto his elbows and stared straight ahead, taking in the sight of the crystal clear water gently throwing itself against the sand. He was on an island, far away from any signs of life. The beach he was laying on was large, at least a square mile, starting with sand near the ocean and ending with a circular ring of grass around the middle. Turning his head around, he saw the tower.

It stretched towards the sky like a newborn hand reaching for life. Ethan didn’t know how far up it went, but it was assuredly several thousand feet tall. Weathered black and grey with age, it kept standing; unchallenged by time as it ravaged its surface. Once, the voices had let Ethan touch the structure; and when his hand grazed its surface, he felt the hardship of the slaves that had built it from solid blocks of granite.

I bet this is a location important to what's going on with the shards.

They were coming.

He felt them as he rose to his feet, dusting the sand from his legs and straightening his clothes to look as presentable as possible. Ethan could already feel their soothing presence as they approached, filling him with comfort, showering him with love. He breathed deeply, drinking in their essence as they circled him. Ethan smiled as they swirled around him faster, feeling their breath on his neck.

“I missed you,” Ethan admitted.

“We missed you, Ethan,” a chorus of overlapping voices replied.

I was right, the voices.

That's creepy, the way they interact. Use of words like "soothing," "comfort," "showering [him] with love," "drinking in their essence" and the note about their breath on his neck creates a disturbingly intimate visual.

Their voices were hard to understand in the beginning, back when he was a young boy. As he grew older however, their words became clearer, along with their intentions for him. As a child, they sounded like several record players all playing music, the track skipping and cutting out in unison. As an adult, they had transformed into a beautiful orchestra, making him almost weep with joy when they spoke.

Lovely metaphor about the way they sound.

“I found the flake you told me about, but I ran into a problem,” Ethan explained. “The shard was gone. I’m sure you were right about its location, but someone must have taken it, or a truck picked it up as it drove by. Either wa-“

“We know, Ethan,” they said, cutting him off. “It was taken, it was stolen. They took it.”

“Who?”

“The boy, the girl, they took it. The one’s that cause you worry,” the voices continued. “We watched, but we could not stop them. You are our champion; you must take it back from them.”

The people from the house? Regardless of who they mean, this is menacing.

“Why did they take it?” Ethan asked.

“For money,” they said. “We heard them, we SAW them.”

“Where did they go?” Ethan asked.

“The city of stone,” they replied, “to the east.”

Uh oh, meeting with Dorian and Shelton incoming. Bad news.

“There is no way they could even profit from it. They don’t even know what it is.”

“They bring the piece to a man; a man who knows about the treasure. He will take it from them and he will tell others. They will be led to us, and we will fade away.”

“No, you won’t!” Ethan assured them, tears beginning to form in his eyes at the thought of losing his family. “I’ll stop them, I swear it. I will take the piece back and as a warning to anyone else who might steal from us, I will take payment from their flesh.”

“You honor us, Ethan,” they continued. “You have grown, you have saved us. Thank you Ethan, thank you. You will be rewarded.”

“You honor me,” Ethan replied, no longer able to hold back his tears. “You have done so much, I don’t, d-don’t deserve so much.”

“You do Ethan, you do,” they replied, laughing merrily as they spoke. “You are our champion, and for your efforts, you will reap the world.”

Terrifying. This does not disappoint at all.

Ethan fell to his knees in awe. He could not see the entities spinning around him, but he could feel their presence grow as they circled faster, laughing all the while. What he said before wasn’t true of course; he believed that he did deserve what they would give him. He deserved all of it and more, it belonged to him anyway. He was better than his fellow man, and he knew it with every fiber of his being.

Suddenly, the sunlight above began to flicker, losing its radiance. The waves splashing against the shore began to churn faster, becoming a dark black. Ethan had told Alakazam to wake him, but now he didn’t want to go back; he never did after he spoke to them. His feet left the ground and he started floating upwards, leaving them behind. He cried harder the further away he drifted, reaching down towards the ground in futility. As the sunlight flickered out completely, he heard them call out to him one last time.

“Save us, Ethan,” they called. “Save us!”

Very good job capturing Ethan's addiction to the escape these visions provide him.

Also, the "save us" line is again terrifying.

Ethan woke up again, back to reality this time. He was covered in sweat, so much so that his shirt stuck to him from his neck, all the way down to his waist. Wiping the tears from his eyes, Ethan rose, turning to Alakazam to instruct him of their next course of action. Alakazam however, was having nothing to do with what he wanted to say. Taking one look at his friend and master, he turned and left the room, moving through the house to stand outside.

Yeah, there are definite overtones of abuse from Ethan to Alakazam.

With a sigh Ethan followed suit, pausing by the door to pick up the picture frame he had earlier held. With a look of contempt, he tore the picture from its frame and walked outside. He took several deep breaths, trying to cleanse himself of the smell left behind by those two thieving hooligans. Ethan knew nothing of the shard’s significance, but he was more entitled to it than they were. They could not appreciate it for what it was. They were ants beneath his boots, and they would pay for what they had done. Retrieving two pokeballs from his pocket, he threw them to the road below.

You really do a fantastic job capturing the sense of entitlement Ethan has while also showing how he is emotionally disconnected from his actual behavior. It's like he's barely even in control of himself, instead, he's along for the ride while someone else controls him.

From the confines of each storage device, two shapes emerged. From the first, a creamy vanilla stallion materialized; a single ivory horn visible between her glowing red eyes. Standing almost taller than Ethan, the horse reared up onto its back legs, screeching a challenge that could be heard for over a mile. Tangerine fire followed a line from the top of her head down to the plump curve of her backside. Muscles along the horse’s legs twitched as the fire flickered, signaling her pleasure at being released.

From the second pokeball, another figure grew. This one was a deep emerald, with deep black scars littering much of her torso. Clawed ivory feet became apparent, followed by overlapping sheets of a carapace. Twin sets of wings came next, followed by two arms that from the elbow down proclaimed shining swords instead of the traditional hands. Her torso was segmented like an insect, while her head had the sharp attributes of an ancient dinosaur.

The two looked backwards at their master, eager for instruction. They had the utmost devotion to him, for both had been rescued from grim death at his hands. They watched as he descended the steps, pausing to stroke the mane of his Rapidash. He had fierceness about him that they had not see before, a look on his face that caused his Scyther to clang her swords together with pride.

I bet the presence of more Pokemon makes things more difficult for Alakazam.

Regardless, Rapidash and Scyther must not have been with him for long if they hadn't ever seen his fierceness.

“Alakazam,” Ethan said, seeing his Pokemon leaning against the side of the house. “Come here.”

Alakazam did as he was told, grunting as he arrived at his master's feet.

“Put this picture in Scyther, make sure it goes deep,” Ethan instructed.

“Ala,” the psychic Pokemon replied, snatching the picture from his hand.

Focusing on the picture, Alakazam’s eyes glowed, copying the picture into his memory. Walking over, he sized up the insect Pokemon. The Scyther did the same thing as he approached, hissing at him through clenched teeth. The two had a rivalry that had started many years ago when Ethan had caught Scyther. She disliked Alakazam for being too tame, while Alakazam had distaste for Scyther because she was completely sadistic. On more than one occasion he had caught her torturing helpless Rattata and Pidgey, laughing maniacally as she severed wings and appendages alike.

This is the kind of interaction I was hoping for, and their personalities are very vivid, but shouldn't Scyther have seen Ethan's fierceness if they'd been together for years?

I can only think of why Scyther needs to know that picture...

When Ethan threw the insect Pokemon a glare, she relented, lowering her arms and allowing Alakazam to approach. With distaste, Alakazam touched one hand to the Scyther’s forehead, transferring the image in his mind to the mentally unstable bug. When he was finished, he walked over to the porch and sat down, the rigors of the recent flying finally taking its toll.

“Have you got it?” Ethan asked his Scyther.

“Saisai,” the Pokemon nodded.

“I’m taking Rapidash to Pewter City,” he explained. “If you fly, you’ll get there faster than us. Find the two humans. If you track them down, do nothing. Just follow them and wait for me to arrive.”

“Sai,” she sighed, making a point to roll her eyes.

“I mean it, no dismemberment this time. If you disobey, the consequences will not be to your liking.”

Both Ethan and Scyther are terrifying, enjoyably so.

“Scyther,” she growled. Smiling wickedly at Alakazam, she rose up, her wings beating furiously. Seconds later, she was gone.

Ethan strode over to his fire horse, clapping her appreciatively on the cheek. Grabbing her neck with his left hand, he swung himself onto her back. The flames enveloping her body caused him no harm; she had made sure of it. A dull heat radiated from her body, drying out his sweat drenched shirt.

Looking over to Alakazam, Ethan said, “Let’s go.”

Alakazam remained rooted to the spot, not even giving his master the respect of looking at him.

“Now,” Ethan whispered, the word dripping with venom.

With a growl, Alakazam rose off the ground and floated over to the fire horse. He landed roughly and closed his eyes, his mind stoic and silent.

“Pewter City,” Ethan told his fire Pokemon. “We have business there.”

Tossing her head back, his Rapidash galloped forward, leaving fiery hoof prints behind as she ran.

I like that he has alternate methods of transportation.

Well then, that was amazing. An Ethan-centric chapter did not disappoint, at all. I already liked him but now he has a terrifying, prominent presence in my mind. I will not soon forget him.

 

[The Great Butler]

CHAPTER 9​

Dorian rolled to his right as Nuzleaf launched another bullet seed at him. As his grass Pokemon ran forward, Dorian grabbed a handful of pebbles and threw them, causing his Pokemon to raise his right hand to deflect them. Taking advantage of his Pokemon’s momentary lack of vision, Dorian jumped up and lashed out with his left foot, striking his Pokemon squarely in the chest. His Nuzleaf stumbled backwards a few paces, a grin forming on his thin lips.

The two had been sparing for the better part of an hour, both being pushed to the edge of their physical limits as they struggled to best one another. While Nuzleaf had the advantage of being able to use elemental attacks as well as his physical skills, Dorian bridged the gap with his Pokeflect. The pair were almost evenly matched when it came to their knowledge of hand-to-hand fighting techniques, as they had been taking weekly classes since Nuzleaf had evolved almost three years ago. In direct contest though, Nuzleaf usually won, as his advantage with speed almost always conquered Dorian’s constant use of trickery. The training field they were practicing on was located right outside Viridian’s northern exit, its surface scarred heavily from constant use by trainers.

Almost thirty-six hours had passed since Dorian and Shelton had burst through the doors of Viridian City’s Pokemon Center, both so winded they could barely communicate the conditions of their injured Pokemon. Nuzleaf, Vibrava, and Shuppet required only a few moments in the healing machine to bring them back to their former glory; whereas Machoke and Golduck were both taken into the ICU for specialized treatment. Machoke had been released in under an hour after a few standard tests, the tecnician in charge confident that he would make a complete recovery. Golduck on the other hand, was not so lucky.

Training right immediately was a little tricky for me to open on, but I settled in fairly quickly, and once you set the scene and explained what happened in the intervening time I got it.

After almost three hours spent in surgery, a technician came out to deliver the news. Shelton started sobbing again as the man emerged from behind the pale red doors, collapsing against Dorian as her legs became unable to support her trembling body. The technician had been direct, informing them that the situation was rapidly deteriorating. The amount of energy Golduck had summoned was too much even for his capable mind. The jewel in his forehead had shattered with the explosion, creating a hole from which his psychic essence poured out. Not only that, but the shards of the ruby had embedded themselves in his left arm like shrapnel blown from a grenade. The shards had opened multiple deep lacerations in the arm, effectively shredding the limb into tatters.

Wow. If you go through with this, it's already a rare feat to see someone tackle Pokemon death like this, but you made sure to write Golduck's injuries well too. I'm impressed.

“Nunuz,” his Pokemon taunted, beckoning him forward with an outstretched hand.

Dorian approached slowly at first, and then sprinted forward, crouching down low as he ran. Nuzleaf jumped forward to meet his master, cocking his right arm back in preparation. The two met each other confidently, both at ease with the other; this was fun. As Nuzleaf threw the punch at Dorian, his master twisted his body to the right, avoiding the blow and putting him in reach of Nuzleaf’s ribs. Before Dorian could land a punch however, Nuzleaf hopped backwards and launched another bullet seed attack. Dorian raised a hand in front of his face, reveling in the warm aftershock ricocheting off his body as the Pokeflect reflected the attack away from him. Unfazed, Nuzleaf jumped forward, raining heavy blows with his feet as well as his fists.

“You’re covered in sap today, dummy,” Dorian laughed, blocking Nuzleaf’s punches and launching a few of his own. Try as he might though, Nuzleaf blocked his every attempt, twisting his body from side to side to get inside Dorian’s guard. The two settled into a familiar rhythm of blocking and attacking, allowing Dorian’s mind to drift once more.

Again, I found the sudden jump to training a little hard to get used to. The training is written well, and I do see how you're using it to frame Dorian's flashbacks. It is a good storytelling technique, I just needed to get used to it.

After Shelton was made aware of Goluck’s condition, she hovered outside the operating room like a Pidgey, refusing Dorian’s repeated attempts to get her to rest. As the hours ticked by, they received regular updates from the same sleepy looking technician. One team of doctors were struggling with how to cap the hole in Golduck’s forehead, while another did their best to salvage the remains of his left arm. The news fluctuated wildly, going from hopeful, to worried, then back to optimistic as they worked through the night without reprieve.

After a particularly good status report some hours after that, Dorian finally convinced Shelton to sit down. As she lowered herself into the cushioned chair, she snaked her arm around Dorian’s, laying her head on his shoulder and breathing deeply. She had fallen asleep in minutes, leaving Dorian with the problem of moving and waking her up, or sitting still and giving her the rest she needed. He chose the latter out of pity, as she really did look quite exhausted.

Dorian had drifted off himself shortly thereafter; his hand’s grasping Shelton’s tenderly. They made an odd sight in the waiting room, both filthy, covered in cuts and bruises; yet both looked very peaceful as they slept. After a few hours of dreamless slumber, Dorian had woken up as a finger was poked into his ribs. Shelton stood in front of him drying her newly washed hair, eight stitches tracing a line along the top of her forehead.

And now we add a good dose of cuteness. I like this; you can clearly tell how much they really rely on each other to get through hard times.

“Hah!” Dorian shouted, snapping back to reality and deflecting an elbow thrown at him and twisting Nuzleaf’s arm into a painful lock. Dorian spun Nuzleaf around, letting go when he made a full rotation, launching his Pokemon into the air.

“Nuz!” his Pokemon called, twisting himself around to face Dorian as he flew through the air. Just before he connected with the ground however, his body folded in on itself in a flash of black light, a loud bang being heard as air rushed in to fill the spot his body had just occupied.

Dorian reeled backwards as his Pokemon reappeared in front of him, flinging his arms up to defend himself. Nuzleaf drew back a fist and jumped up, disappearing yet again as his master reached out to block his strike. Seconds later, a loud bang sounded behind Dorian as Nuzleaf crashed into him, knocking him sprawling. As Dorian flipped himself back over, he raised a hand, using his Pokeflect to block the bullet seed launched at him. Nuzleaf lashed out with a roundhouse kick to Dorian’s head as the glowing pellets spiraled away, his teeth bared in concentration. The kick connected solidly, forcing Dorian’s head to slam against the ground again.

“I yield, Jesus!” Dorian shouted as Nuzleaf started forward on him again.

“Nunuz,” his Pokemon grinned, taking a seat on the ground beside his master.

Wow, Nuzleaf goes hard.

The ground around them was littered with holes and scorch marks, the result of years of trainer and Pokemon practice. As the pair looked up towards Viridian City, they took in the destruction around them, both thinking of Golduck. After Dorian had woken up and showered earlier that day, he had grabbed Nuzleaf and came here to train, hoping that the normalcy of their weekly routine would help his heavy heart. It had to some degree, allowing him to focus on battling and escaping from Shelton’s panicked looks for awhile.

“Shelton hasn’t called yet, but let’s go back,” Dorian suggested.

“Nuzleaf,” his Pokemon agreed. “Nuznuz.”

“Yeah, I’m thinking about him too.”

And here you brought the reasoning for the training fully around, so the scene feels much better paced. Well done.

Shelton not calling makes me nervous for Golduck...

Shelton shifted uncomfortably on the worn leather seat in the waiting room, her left hand absentmindedly picking at a scab on her right. Looking towards the double doors at the end of the hall she sighed anxiously, seeing no indication that they were going to open. She looked around the Pokemon Center in an attempt to distract herself, taking in the sight of Pokemon and their trainers scattered around its interior. They all moved with purpose, with haste, all lining up at the growing line in front of the healing machine. The tile beneath their feet had lost its former shining glory, playing host to scuff marks and clods of dirt instead. Machinery whirled behind the main desk, tended by technicians who were busy rotating scores of Pokeballs in and out of its confines.

“Hey,” a voice said from behind her.

Shelton turned around slowly, finding it hard to take her eyes off a lone Psyduck waddling across the room. Dorian stood there smiling, with Nuzleaf in his usual spot by his right side. She smiled half-heartedly back, her mind too distracted to really mean it. Dorian didn’t look too bad besides the bandages wrapped around different parts of his arms, doctoring the wounds left behind by the Graveler that had held him hostage. He was dressed normally in blue jeans and t-shirt; the sea foam color of his top brightening the color of his emerald eyes.

That Psyduck is a particularly poignant, subtle emotional bit.

“Hey,” she responded, turning back around to watch the doors.

Both Dorian and his Nuzleaf hopped over the row of seating behind her, the former taking a seat to her left. Nuzleaf climbed onto her lap and looked up at her with his wide eyes, cupping her face softly in his hands as he looked at her. She smiled down at him, touched by the Pokemon’s gesture of affection. Reaching down, she scratched a spot at the small of Nuzleaf’s back, dragging her sharp nails across his wooden body. The sound the nails made as they moved always gave her goose bumps, but Nuzleaf loved it and immediately hugged her close, burying his face in her hair.

I like the little bits of personality Nuzleaf gets here, they made me smile.

“Any word yet?” Dorian asked.

“Not since you guys left,” Shelton answered. “Did it help at all?”

“For awhile,” Dorian admitted. “But neither of us could stop thinking about it.”

“I appreciate that,” she said.

“It’s fine. He’s my family too.”

“I know, and I’m sorry for flipping out on you yesterday. I appreciate you not bringing it up.”

“It’s fine. You were in a bad frame of mind, a lot was happening. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

This heart-to-heart here is really important too. By simple word count it seems minor, but you got it to convey very well the bond between not only Shelton and Dorian but their Pokemon as well. They really do feel like a family.

“Same here,” Shelton assured him. “I’ll be honest Dorian, I can’t think straight. If they don’t come back ou-“

On perfect cue, the doors at the end of the hall opened wide, their technician’s lab coat billowing serenely behind him as he walked. Shelton stiffened when she saw him, as if he had suddenly been transformed into the grim reaper. Her mind raced; the last two updates had been really positive, but the technician had stressed several times that many variables were in play and that nothing was certain. He was a pleasant looking man, with a round body and short spiky gray hair. His white button down was tinged yellow from sweat around his collar, while his tie had been thrown over his shoulder as if it had been an annoyance.

Shelton pulled Dorian close as the man approached; her mind unable to discern the blank expression on the technician’s face. Tears began to well in her eyes again as the man pulled out a chair to sit directly in front of her. She began to ask, but the question caught in her throat like a large chunk of food.

Reaching out and clasping Shelton on the shoulder, the man said, “Golduck’s alive.” The man had a deep accent, which she immediately identified as Unovan from the way he lengthened his vowels.

My heart actually stopped for a minute. You fantastically built up the fear that Golduck really could have died.

I have to point out that the fact that I could truly not predict whether Golduck would live or die is a testament to how well you wrote this. A lot of times, drama is present but the outcome can be predicted. That was not the case here; I was fully convinced Golduck was going to die.

Breathing out a sigh of relief, Shelton let her tears fall. “Thank you so much. W-when you came out, I almost lost it.”

“I’ve always prided myself on being perceptive, and that’s the feeling I got,” the man grinned, trying to lighten the obvious emotional angst. “But there are a few things we need to talk about, because we had to make some changes in order to save his life.”

“Like what?” Shelton asked, her stomach dropping suddenly to somewhere below her feet.

“Well, how about this,” the man started. “They’re bringing him out of surgery now, so how about we go to his room. He’ll probably still be unconscious, but you can see him. And then I’ll explain what we had to do. Sound good?”

Ah, that's certainly an improvement, that they can see Golduck. I wonder what the doctors had to do though...

Shelton was about to demand the answer right there, but her desire to see Golduck came first and she ended up not saying anything.

“Sir?” Dorian asked. What’s your name?”

“Michael Thompson,” he answered.

“Well, it’s nice to meet you Mr. Thompson, and that sounds like a great idea,” Dorian smiled, giving Shelton’s hand a light squeeze.

“Good,” Michael said, getting up from the chair. “If you’ll follow me?”

Without waiting for an affirmation, the technician turned and walked back through the red door with Shelton, Dorian, and Nuzleaf close behind.

The Intensive Care Unit was truly a sight to behold. Everything gleamed like polished metal; from the hexagonal walnut desk in the middle of the room, to the blue ceramic tile lining the floor. People and Pokemon alike darted past quickly, all focused on a particular task. Several people were seated behind the biblically unorganized desk, all holding more than one phone in their hands. Various diagrams of Pokemon anatomy littered every wall, the photos depicting every species from Starmie, all the way to Stunfisk. The scent of disinfectant was rampant, filling their nostrils and making their heads swim as they followed the technician. He paused at a closed door to the right of the desk, checking to make sure that the group was still behind him. Nodding, he opened the door and walked inside, Shelton almost tripping over him in her hurry to follow.

The room was sparingly lit by fluorescent lighting above, accenting the soft hues of orange and russet painted in stripes across the walls. A single hospital bed was situated at the center of the far wall, with a nurse bending down to examine its occupant. Shelton’s breathing stopped as her eyes took in Golduck.

Nice, vivid description in this part. I can see it well.

The once bright sapphire duck’s feathers were now a muted shade of blue, signaling the stress that it had exposed to. Portions of his body had lost feathers entirely, resulting in bare patches where soft pink skin was visible. Another part of him that was obviously out of the ordinary was a small metal spike that protruded from the center of his forehead. As Shelton drew closer, she saw that the spike was centered in the middle of a piece of glass that replaced the ruby he had previously had. Shelton’s eyes moved across Golduck’s body, stopping on the portion that had changed the most significantly.

“N-no, no,” Shelton whispered.

Golduck’s left arm was gone, as in poof, as in absent. Bandages laced their way around his shoulder, administering pressure to the amputated limb. Golduck looked almost foreign to her with his missing arm, like he was a different Pokemon entirely. The symbol of power that had been hers to command and love for so many years had been broken and dislodged from her memory. As her knees weakened, she felt Dorian’s toned arms wrap around her shoulders and pull her close, comforting her with his warmth.

I had suspected an amputation would take place.

“It’s okay,” Dorian assured her.

“No it’s not,” she whispered. “Look at him, just look at him.”

“Shelton,” Dorian started. “I’m seeing the same thing you’re seeing. He’s alive, that’s what matters. He would do the same thing all over again if it meant saving you. That’s exactly what he did too, and you know that.”

“Nunuz,” Nuzleaf chimed in, placing a wooden hand on Shelton’s back.

“I know, it’s just, I can’t,” Shelton said, her breath catching on every word.

“Look, he was strong for you. Now you need to be strong for him. He needs you, so man up. Let’s listen to what the tech has to say, and we’ll go from there. Agreed?”

Shelton nodded glumly, turning to the technician that had been watching their exchange.

Wow, that was... that was tough. I can really feel the rawness of Shelton's emotions here. This is not easy for them.

“Ms. Street, you have my deepest sympathy for the accident that befell your Golduck, but I can assure you that with therapy, and your patience, he may be able to recover a lot of what he lost,” the technician said.

“Okay,” Shelton said, walking forward and taking a breath. “What did you have to do?”

“Well, as I’m sure you’re aware, members of Golduck’s specie have tremendous mental prowess, only outclassed by accomplished and well trained psychic types. The ruby in his forehead not only serves as a focusing point for their power, but also enables them to release stored psychic energy that can build up and overload the sensitive gemstone. Most of the time, this is done unconsciously, and the cerebellum excretes this excess energy through the crystal and into the air. By itself, the energy released is harmless, but when it is focused through the ruby, it’s concentrated, allowing Golduck to weaponize it. You still with me?”

“Yes,” Shelton said, edging closer to Golduck.

“Good. Anyway, when Golduck summoned the energy for the attack, it overloaded the crystal, effectively shattering it. Which can kill him, seeing as the energy kept inside his skull feeds his involuntary functions, like breathing. From what Mr. Dvakna said, a purple bubble of energy was visible above your Pokemon’s head when he found him.”

“That’s correct,” Dorian affirmed.

“That energy escaping nearly killed him, as without the power to feed his organs, they began to shut down. Luckily though, you got him here in time. We were able to fashion a similar object out of glass and surgically insert it into his cranium. Basically corking the little amount of energy he had left.”

That... is a really intelligent explanation. You clearly thought that out well. Plus, it leaves the door open for this subject to be revisited later.

“But if there’s only that little bit, is he still in danger?” Shelton questioned.

“On the contrary, the energy replenishes itself over time, much like new blood is made and old blood is recycled as waste with humans. The point is that while the ruby allows Golduck to release stored energy safely, glass cannot, which is why we threaded in the capstone,” Michael explained, pointing to the metal spike in the glass. “When the amount of psychic energy builds up to a critical level, you can bend the spike back, releasing the energy into the air.”

Interesting.

“Okay,” Dorian and Shelton said in unison.

“Putting that portion behind for the moment, the other obvious action we took was to remove Golduck’s left arm. The shards from the ruby embedded themselves into his arm from the shoulder down; I personally removed twenty-seven pieces,” Michael explained. “An infection soon grew from the multiple open wounds and it was too risky to leave the arm in place. My thinking was that he would have succumbed to septic shock within just a few days. That amputation was successful, and the infected tissue was completely removed.”

I wonder if a prosthetic is in the cards for later, potentially.

“I understand,” Shelton stated, moving her hand down to stroke Golduck’s.

“Now we come to the consequences,” Michael explained. “The ruby in Golduck’s skull is grown naturally as a Psyduck evolves, which means that it’s actually organic. The composition and density are almost completely identical to other precious stones, but each one is grown specific to each particular Golduck.”

“What are you getting at?” Shelton asked.

“Basically, when Golduck uses a psychic attack, the energy is focused through that crystal, and only a gemstone with those properties is strong enough to handle the surge of energy that courses through it. While the glass we inserted mimics the crystal in most ways, it’s extremely fragile.”

“How about you just tell me exactly what you’re trying not to,” Shelton said.

“Golduck cannot use any sort of psychic attack again,” Michael lamented. “Even a brief use of telekinesis could shatter the glass and put him in the same situation all over again. We were only able to save him because you got here so quickly. Next time, you may not be as lucky.”

I can definitely see this coming back later to present a severe challenge for them. Golduck will surely be called on and need psychic moves again.

“Never?” Shelton questioned.

“Unfortunately, yes. If a gemstone of the appropriate density and composition were inserted into the cavity, he may regain some use of his former abilities, but even if we had such an object and the operation went perfectly, there is no guarantee that he could develop even half of his former skill.”

“Why can’t we at least try it?” Shelton asked. “It’s worth a shot. If it didn’t work, we would be in the same position we’re in now.”

“I’m sorry to say Ms. Street, but your insurance does not cover a procedure of this magnitude. Something of this nature is rarely attempted. Even though your Golduck is a prime candidate, this facility cannot undertake a financial risk like that without some type of coverage.”

Ooh, I have an idea of where this might be going with the gem, and I like it. I hope I'm right.

I also find it interesting that you brought up the subject of health insurance for Pokemon. I wonder if we'll see more.

“You could just say that you don’t think we deserve the help,” Shelton hissed.

“Shelton,” Dorian warned, putting himself between the technician and his roommate.

“No, Dorian,” she started. “I’m sorry Mr. Thompson, that wasn’t what I meant to say. I’m a little taken aback at the moment.”

That's realistic, for Shelton to act like this...

“I understand Ms. Street and you have my sympathy,” Michael responded.

“I’m sure we can come up with some sort of payment plan,” Shelton said. “We’re not wealthy by any means, but I’m sure that you all could figure out a plan that would fit us.”

“Ms. Street, the procedure is very expensive,” Michael said. “The gemstone has to be calibrated specifically to your Pokemon. Not only that, but the gemstone would have to be enormous. This isn’t some amethyst shard that you could buy at any local jeweler. A stone that size would cost several hundred-thousand credits, not to mention the smiths that would have to tailor it to the exact size that we would need.”

I definitely, definitely think I can see where this is going, and I like it.

“I guess I can’t argue with that, now can I?” Shelton said, turning her attention to Golduck and stroking his remaining arm.

“Thank you for your efforts,” Dorian chimed in, striding forward to shake the technician’s hand.

“Nuzleaf,” his Pokemon agreed.

“It’s my pleasure,” Michael said, tightly gripping Dorian’s hand.

“I’m sorry if I sounded ungrateful,” Shelton said, turning her attention back to Michael.

“You didn’t,” Michael assured her. “I can imagine this has put quite a strain on you. He’s a fighter you know, one of the strongest I’ve ever seen.”

“I know,” Shelton agreed, the beginnings of a smile forming on her lips.

“Now,” Michael stated, removing a pokeball from his pocket. “I charged this heal ball myself, and I would recommend that when you return Golduck, you leave him inside for at least three days. The energy contained within is designed to promote healthy cellular growth, which will help greatly in aiding in the recovery time of his arm.”

That is a clever way to use a Heal Ball.

He dropped the rosy pink storage device in her hand and then proceeded to instruct her on how to correctly change the bandages on Golduck’s shoulder. Most of what he told her, Shelton already knew, but it seemed to please the technician if she listened intently. Probably because he wanted to make sure that the hard work he put into Golduck was not in vain. One thing amidst all his rambling stood out for her though. Aspear berries had a naturally occurring coagulant in them, which would help if Golduck’s arm was injuried before it had completely healed. She made a mental note of that tidbit of information, knowing that it would come in handy later on.

Aspear Berries... I'm sure you wouldn't have pointed that out without a reason.

“You have to fill out some discharge paperwork before you leave,” Michael told her. “Then you may return Golduck to his ball and be on your way.”

“I’ll take care of that,” Dorian stated. “You take your time; I’ll meet you outside when you’re done.” He turned and walked out after the words left his mouth, Nuzleaf following close behind.

“Mr. Thompson, I really appreciate the work you put in,” Shelton smiled. “I really would have been lost if things had not panned out the way that they did.”

“It’s no problem at all,” Michael smiled. “I’m glad I was able to help.”

“Well I’m very grateful,” Shelton said, walking over and lightly kissing the technician’s cheek.

Michael quickly blushed, and admitted, “That was a treat my profession rarely affords me, so I thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Shelton giggled. “So it’s safe to just return him now?”

“Absolutely. Like I said though, I would keep him inside for at least three days. After that, his arm would benefit from fresh air.”

“Okay,” she said, situating herself by Golduck’s bed.

Holding out the pokeball, she clicked the return button on the front of the device, shooting a red laser towards the center of her Pokemon. As she watched, the beam transformed his body into glowing scarlet energy, which was quickly absorbed back into the ball. The ball closed itself with a cheerful clap, signaling that her Pokemon had been returned successfully.

“After you,” Michael said, gesturing towards the door.

“Thank you,” Shelton smiled.

Her thoughts swam as she walked back towards the entrance to the Pokemon Center. The technician really had saved Golduck’s life, and it was something she would be eternally grateful for. He was obviously extremely intelligent; that’s what she had heard while she waited anyway. He was somewhat attractive as well, despite being at least twenty years her senior. She chuckled at the thought, she had heard of patients falling in love with their technicians and it amused her that she was starting to fall into that stereotype. As she passed through the sliding glass doors of the Pokemon Center, she saw Dorian and Nuzleaf waiting for her by a pair of gleaming motorcycles parked by the entrance.

“You ready?” Dorian called.

“NuNuz!” Nuzleaf questioned as well.

“Yeah, let’s get this over with so we can get back home,” Shelton answered.

“You know, Ronnie is going to flip out when we tell him what happened,” Dorian said, helping Shelton tighten the straps on her pack.

“I’m sure he will,” Shelton agreed. “Though, he will be inclined to believe me over you when I tell him that you were the one who decided we should take that new route.”

“Are you serious?” Dorian asked. “We both agreed to it.”

“Oh I know,” Shelton mused. “However, he’s going to be more likely to believe me over you, mainly because I’m his favorite.”

“Well, I am male and his heir to the family name,” Dorian said proudly. “So by that alone I’m a lot better than you.”

“What’s twenty-six times thirty-seven?” Shelton quickly asked.

“Well, if you carry the decimal and square the remainder,” Dorian started, squeezing his eyes shut in concentration. “Three-hundred and twenty-five!”

“It’s actually nine-hundred and sixty-two,” Shelton smiled, pushing past him and starting down the road. “And you’re an idiot.”

“I thought you meant division!” Dorian exclaimed.

Nuzleaf laughed.

I don't really have too much to say on this part except for two things: I still really like Dorian and Shelton's relationship, and you depicted it well having weathered this crisis. Two, I like that you incorporated the discharge forms. That creates more realism.

Overall, a good chapter. I think I liked the Ethan chapter more, but this was still great. It provided a nice, comfortable breather after everything that just happened.

 

[The Great Butler]

Chapter 10​

“Finally,” Dorian said.

“Yup,” Shelton agreed, giving him a quick smile.

“I say that after we get paid, we buy enough food so that we don’t have to leave the house for a month.”

“Oddly enough, I’m in complete agreement,” Shelton admitted.

“My god, your head injury must be more severe than we thought.”

“Shut it. Just because you had one good idea does not mean that I have a higher opinion of you. Besides, you still owe me for rent,” Shelton snarled.

Love their interactions, like always. The lack of much description about where they are/what they're discussing makes the chapter a slight bit difficult to get into, but the interactions help balance that out.

“Do you ever let anything go?” Dorian asked.

“Not when it comes to money,” Shelton answered. “Or your awful decisions involving money, word usage, or dress sense.”

“How about I just call Ronnie and see where he is,” Dorian suggested.

“Good boy,” Shelton cooed, ruffling his hair.

It's interesting that they're this casual right now. Maybe it's because of everything they just went through being over? Regardless, it's good to see the main plot progressing again. It's been a while since Ronnie was mentioned.

Dorian ducked out of her reach and walked a bit faster, muttering curses under his breath. The walk through Viridian Forest had only taken about two hours, and thankfully, it had been without incident. The woods were serene and silent, their colors exclaiming vibrant hues of gold, orange, and red. As Dorian and Shelton approached the borders of Pewter City, he whipped out his phone and called his uncle, bracing himself for his naturally booming voice. A tone sounded three times in rapid succession, signaling that his uncle had ignored his call. Confused, Dorian dialed again, only to be greeted by the same high pitched beeps. It was odd his uncle wasn’t answering, as he was probably expecting them by now.

My opinion, but maybe this description should have come earlier in the scene. It probably would be more easy to read that way.

“Well,” Dorian started. “He’s not picking up. Should we just head to his house?”

“Yeah,” Shelton huffed, clearly displeased by the situation.

“He’s either there, or at the museum; his house is closer so let’s check there first,” Dorian suggested.

“Yeah,” Shelton agreed, her fingers tracing the outline of a round bulge in her pocket.

As they strode past the main entrance to the city, Dorian looked to the northeast and caught the familiar sight of the red roof of Ronnie’s house. Allowing himself a small smile, he looked over to Nuzleaf and Shelton, only to find them wearing the same expression. Ronnie would make their recent misfortune worthwhile; he would put them back into their usual mindset. His uncle always exuded a sense of calm and jovial happiness, and had always done his best to make him and Shelton feel welcome and comfortable; it was an unspoken promise he had kept ever since he started raising them.

The trio walked with purpose, all three ready for some much deserved rest, all of them unaware of a Scyther watching them from just inside the nearby tree line.

Excellent juxtaposition of the optimism Ronnie's house brings with the menace of Scyther. I got a chill when Scyther showed up.

Ethan tightened his grip on Rapidash’s neck as he started to slip to the left. Just as he did however, he felt a gentle force press his body back into an upright position. Looking backwards, he saw a faint violet aura around his Alakazam. He noticed a similar aura taking shape around his own legs and waist; obviously Alakazam’s attempt to keep them both level on the galloping horse.

Nice little touch there.

The group blew through the entrance to Viridian City like a tornado, sending people in their way dashing to the left and right for safety. A small line of flames traced a path behind them, the result of the drying grass being exposed to Rapidash’s intense heat. People to the east and west of the city looking their direction were only able to make out a shining streak of yellow and orange, racing through the northern exit of the city like a meteorite.

Excellent description. It's a very vivid visual.

Ethan stared straight ahead, not noticing or caring for the sharp yells of the people they passed. Ethan was on the path to his destiny, on the road towards two hooligans that had stolen something very precious from him. He would take back the shard from them of course, that was just a byproduct of the vengeance that was about to be released. Besides their crime of thievery, they had threatened the voices, and for that they would be punished. He knew that they probably didn’t know what they had done, but it didn’t matter. Ignorance does not excuse a crime, and this was an offense that would not be forgiven.

“Maybe Scyther will have some suggestions,” Ethan thought, smiling at the thought of his Pokemon’s savagery.

He felt Alakazam flinch behind him as the words crossed his mind; having no doubt that the psychic type had heard. Unfazed, Ethan used his heels to spurn Rapidash faster, his body starting to almost vibrate with eagerness. The forest they were traveling through morphed into a ring of brown and black as they sped up, Ethan’s eyes unable to focus due to the wind howling into them. He knew that Rapidash was already pushed to the edge of her abilities, but he dug his heels into her harder; fire in his eyes and murder in his heart.

Now that is intense. It's characterization like this that is already making Ethan into a standout antagonist in my head; this and the chapter he got did amazing work on that.

“Um, what?” Dorian asked.

“Pretty much,” Shelton replied.

They were standing about twenty feet from Ronnie’s front porch, stopped dead in their tracks by a withering mass of sparking electrical cables. The strands of thick plastic danced around about in a chaotic fashion, loud snaps ringing out as they discharged electricity. A crew of four men formed a square around the cables, waving their hands in warning as people walked by. They were all wearing identical blue jumpsuits with snowy white hardhats, their apparel streaked with layers of grime and sweat. The one closest to them saw them approaching and quickly trotted over, his hand fixed on the top of his head to keep his hard hat from bouncing off.

A decidedly odd scene. I'm sure it's leading somewhere.

“Sorry folk’s, but that’s as close as ya’ll are gonna get,” the man said, his vowels long and prominent.

The man’s brow was drenched in sweat, which transitioned to his almost shoulder length hair that was of the same wet persuasion. A scraggly three-day growth of a beard was visible against intense hazel eyes. As he came to a stop in front of them, Dorian noticed two things. First, that the man was tanned and muscularly toned like that of a chiseled statue; the second thing was that Shelton was salivating like a hungry Houndoom.

I admit, I cracked a smile at Shelton drooling at this guy. A welcome bit of humor.

“What happened?” Dorian asked.

“Well, the report we got was that a Scyther flew by not too long ago and thought it would be a good idea to slice the lines,” the man said, wiping a gloved hand across his forehead.

I see Scyther's making moves already. A confrontation can't be far off.

“Shelton Street,” Shelton announced, pushing past Dorian and extending her hand.

“Pleased to meet you, Ms. Street,” the man smiled, his gaze moving up and down across her body. “The name’s James Ford.”

“Pleased to meet you, James,” Shelton grinned, her voice giggling as she said his name.

Well this is awkward.

“You ain’t from Pewter, are you?” James asked.

“Originally no,” Shelton answered. “I lived here when I was younger, but moved away a few years ago.”

“Well, I knew that before I asked,” James explained. “I couldn’t forget a pretty face like yours if I tried.”

Dorian watched the scene before him unfold in disgust, completely unaccustomed to Shelton’s blatant flirting. She was swooning over this man with no regard to what she looked like; which to Dorian was akin to her asking for a three course dinner at a hardware store. Spying two children kicking a ball past them, Dorian took the opportunity to put Shelton out of her misery.

I admit, it does feel rather uncharacteristic of Shelton to be doing this.

“Excuse me, sir,” Dorian said, condescension obvious in his voice. “There are a couple kids about to get fried.”

After looking over to his left, James took off in pursuit of the children passing the ball between themselves. Right before he was out of earshot he called, “I hope I see you soon, Ms. Street.”

“I’ll be here for awhile!” Shelton called, her smile stretching from ear to ear.

“Really?” Dorian asked, widening his eyes.

“What?!” Shelton snapped.

“You were pretty much undressing him with your eyes.”

“No I wasn’t,” Shelton said. “I was just introducing myself.”

“Right,” Dorian replied. “I forgot it’s common courtesy to make a puddle of saliva at your feet every time you meet a handyman.”

Well said, Dorian.

“I was just being nice. Besides, he’s hot.”

“No he’s not,” Dorian said. “He smelled like backwoods Unova trash and he looked like it too.”

“Oh come on,” Shelton replied. “Seriously Dorian, every woman between twelve and ninety-five with a pulse would think he’s hot.”

“Did you just come up with that, or is that saying something you’ve heard somewhere before?”

“It’s pretty common around women,” Shelton explained.

“Well just so you know, I think it’s pretty stupid.”

I did smile slightly, though this feels a bit extraneous on the whole.

“I feel pretty bad about it now that you’ve said that,” Shelton said sarcastically. “I’ll be sure to act completely asexual around men from now on.”

“Like I care who you get busy with,” Dorian said. “All I’m saying is that you could raise your standards a little bit.”

I wonder if this is going to be relevant later.

“Nunuz!” Nuzleaf agreed.

“You’re both morons,” Shelton moaned, clearly exasperated by the conversation.

Just as Shelton was about to expand on her point, Dorian felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. Flipping his phone open, he said, “You better have a good reason for ignoring my call, I feel almost violated.”

“Where are you?” Ronnie asked, his voice reeking of desperation. “You guys are in Pewter by now, right?”

“We’re actually right in front of your house,” Dorian assured him. “Where are you?”

“It’s actually kind of complicated. I’m leaving the museum, but I’m under a sort of academic house arrest. The director gave the order to send the excavation team out a few days earlier than expected, which forced me to tell him about your discovery.”

This isn't going to end well. It's probably going to force Ethan's hand.

“So he’s pissed?”

“To say the least. He was angry at first that I kept this from him, but his mood quickly changed as he realized that the find could save the museum a lot of money. The pictures you sent me sufficed for the moment, but he’s asked me to get the marker from you and bring it to him.”

“Well we got it,” Dorian said. “Should we bring it to your office?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Ronnie replied. “I’m already on my way to the house, so I’ll just grab it when I get there. There’s still a composition test I want to do before I present it.”

“Were you able to talk to him about paying us for it?” Dorian asked, trying to hide the longing in his voice.

“I wasn’t, but I’ll get to it after I give him the marker. He’s more likely to be charitable if he’s in a good mood.”

“Sounds good.”

“I’ll see you in about twenty minutes,” Ronnie informed him. “Bye.”

I get the feeling that no, Ronnie won't be seeing them in twenty minutes.

Ethan quickly dismounted his Rapidash as she trotted to a stop. They were situated at the outskirts of Pewter, only a stone’s throw away from the southern gate. He quickly looked around for his Scyther, dry grass crunching loudly beneath his boots.

“Call her,” Ethan instructed his Alakazam.

“Kazam,” he nodded, closing his eyes and letting his thoughts inch their way across the circumference of the city.

Clever way to have Ethan keep his Pokemon under control.

Confident that his Scyther would arrive momentarily, Ethan turned back to examine the city. A red shingled Pokemon Center sat up the right, while farther back and to the left resided an almost depressed looking market; its blue roof cracked and weathered with age. Houses were strewn across the city like random fallen raindrops, with no order or discernible pattern to their placement. Slabs of rock decorated the ground every few hundred feet, some no bigger than basketballs, while others were as large as cars; a testament to the city’s rocky beginning.

Ethan hated all of it; it was so, unorganized. There weren’t even clear paths for people to walk on, instead there were just random trails of stomped grass crisscrossing in every direction. This poor excuse of a city was nothing compared to his home in Saffron, where manicured lawns and glass high-rises reigned supreme. Ethan would deal with this situation quickly and get back home; back to a place with proper people and actual order.

Nice description of the city. I like that you gave Ethan the trait of liking order; it feels like something that really suits him.

“Rapidash,” Ethan started, pulling out her pokeball. “The project we’re on requires more stealth, and unfortunately you draw too much attention.”

“Neii,” Rapidash whined, spitting out the grass she had been eating.

“I know, but it’s for the best,” Ethan informed her. “Once we get back home you can have some free time outside, but for the moment you need to do as I say.”

His tactical thoughts are well calculated, and I liked Rapidash's reaction. It was cute.

“Niieee,” she huffed, the flames on her mane billowing higher.

Ethan pressed the return button on her pokeball, enveloping her in ruby light and returning her to its confines. He pocketed the ball and looked back over to Alakazam, whose face was still scrunched up in concentration.

“She coming?” Ethan asked.

“Kazazam,” the Pokemon replied, inclining his head towards the tree line.

There was a rustling of limbs, and a shadow appeared between the nearest trees. Scyther forced herself through the tight overgrowth, making an effort to keep her left arm hidden behind her back. Her eyes lit up as she saw her master, and shuffled over to stand next to Alakazam.

“Did you find them?” Ethan asked her.

“Sai,” Scyther affirmed.

“Good, let’s go then,” Ethan smiled, gesturing for her to take the lead.

“Scyther,” she said nervously, turning back towards the tree line.

Before she took a step however, Ethan quickly jumped forward and grabbed her left arm, twisting it roughly towards himself. The sword that made up his Pokemon’s lower arm had been burned severely, turning her dark green color a putrid black. Scyther looked back at him guiltily, trying to wrench her arm out of his grasp.

“What happened?” Ethan hissed.

“Sai,” she explained. “Scythersai.”

“And you thought that would be funny?” Ethan questioned.

“Saisa,” she moaned as his grip tightened.

“Stop,” Ethan ordered. “It serves you right. Slicing electrical cables is something a Beedrill would do, not you. Did I not express how important this was? What were you thinking?”

It actually took me some time to figure out what exactly Scyther had been up to. Now that you revealed it, it makes sense, plus I love how you gave Scyther this sort of personality. That's the kind of thing that really brings a story up, the attention to detail and creativity.

“Sai,” she replied, hanging her head.

“You’re not getting off that easy,” Ethan replied, clamping down on her arm so hard that his hand began to cramp.

“Scyther!” she yelled, tearing her arm from his gasp. Her sword came loose quickly, though not before it tore a pencil width gash across his wrist. She held her arm to her chest, trying her best to look apologetic; which was something she rarely succeeded at, owing to the fact that she was never sorry about anything.

Whoa. I probably shouldn't be surprised that Ethan would discipline his Pokemon like this, but I am.

“This is important, and there is no room for error,” Ethan informed the frightened bug. Wincing, he flexed his right arm and closed his eyes in an effort to center himself. After a moment, he opened them again to see the wound on his wrist healing, black smoke drifting out of the hole. Moments later, the cut was gone, leaving no trace that it had ever happened.

Whoa, again. Healing factors are always fascinating.

“Saisai,” Scyther explained, pointing with her uninjured arm back through the trees.

“Lead the way,” Ethan said.

Fuming with more anger than he had before he got to town, Ethan followed his Scyther into the dense forest, trying his best not to make any noise. Alakazam followed behind, doing rapid multiplication in his head to occupy his mind. The trio quickly made their way across the town, keeping far enough into the forest that they couldn’t be seen. After a few minutes, Scyther halted, staring at a house about a hundred yards away.

Nice little quirk there for Alakazam.

They were there, in all their thieving glory. A red mist came over Ethan and he started forward, his hands shaking with rage. Alakazam grabbed him right before he got out of reach, causing him to turn around. The psychic Pokemon pointed towards the group Ethan was walking towards, motioning at the numerous other people that were walking nearby.

Ethan took a breath to calm himself. His Alakazam was right; it was far too crowded to risk any sort of unprovoked attack. With slow and deliberate steps, Ethan pushed himself through the woods to peek around the last tree that separated the two groups. As he came to the edge of the trees, the shard in his pocket began to vibrate.

A chill just went down my spine. Feels like something big is about to happen.

“He should be here any minute,” Dorian thought, looking to the west for any sign of his uncle.

Shaking his head, he returned back to the game he and Nuzleaf were playing. The game was an amalgamation of different situations they’ve been put through over the years, and they were still in the process of perfecting the rules. Basically, they faced each other about fifteen yards away from each other and stood completely still. One of them expanded a pokeball, and threw it at the other as hard as they could. You could aim for any area on the person you wished, but if you flinched or dodged out of the way, you earned yourself a penalty. Their current penalty was that the other person could give them a punch to the gut, without any sort of padding or protection whatsoever. To them it was a fair game, because if you showed courage, you usually took a pokeball to the skull, and if you showed cowardice, you were rewarded with a punch to the stomach. The only real way to win was for the other person to miss every time while remaining completely still.

“Ready for the noise?!” Dorian yelled, throwing the ball.

“Nunuz!” Nuzleaf answered, his eyes squeezed tightly shut. The ball missed him by several feet, causing him to blow Dorian a raspberry and take off after it.

“Dammit,” Dorian grumbled.

A laugh to his left caused him to look over. Machoke was giggling slightly at Dorian’s failed attempt, his voice much deeper than it had been as a Machop. On one hand, Dorian was glad Machoke had calmed down enough to relax, as there had been a pretty stressful situation when he was released a few minutes ago.

Hm, this is a fun little diversion, though I would definitely think of it as exactly that.

Dorian had been talking to Shelton as he and Nuzleaf lined up to play their game when she had decided to release Machoke for the first time since returning him right after he had evolved. The fighting Pokemon had materialized in a shower of white energy, standing almost as tall as Dorian in his new form. The only problem was, he had taken shape completely nude. As soon as Machoke’s eyes took in his new form and the area he was in, he quickly started crying and covering his lower body in embarrassment. Shelton had tried to calm him down, only to have her Pokemon start stomping the ground in angst, creating cracks in the road with his newfound brawn. Machoke had only calmed down once Dorian pulled out a pair of his own boxer briefs from his bag and handed them to him.

Now that was funny. A creative way to address the bizarre clothing Machoke possesses, too.

Now, Machoke was seated on the ground next to Shelton, Dorian’s boxers being stretched to their limit by his bulging muscles. Shelton was sitting next to him, her head leaning against her Pokemon’s shoulder. She hadn’t stopped touching Machoke since he had emerged from his ball, convinced that something else would befall him if he wandered too far away from her.

“It’s not as easy as you might think. So how about you mind your own busi-,” Dorian started, only to be cut off by a fiery glaze sent at him by Shelton.

Just as Dorian turned back towards Nuzleaf, he paused, his back pocket was vibrating. It was odd though, as he distinctly remembered putting his phone in his front pocket. Shaking his head, he reached into his back pocket and pulled it out; but it wasn’t his phone he had retrieved, it was the shard. It was pulsing lightly, almost like a gentle heartbeat. Dorian didn’t understand why the marker was moving. It didn’t have anything inside it, at least to the best of his knowledge it didn’t.

Uh oh, things are beginning to get started...

“Why are you looking at that thing like that?” Shelton asked.

“I don’t see how, but this thing is vibrat-,” Dorian said, only to be cut off by the sudden impact of a pokeball hitting him in the side of the head.

“Nuuhnuz!” Nuzleaf cackled loudly.

“You little bastard!” Dorian yelled, bending down and picking up the ball. “I wasn’t paying attention! That’s a free shot from ten feet!”

“Nuzleaf!” his Pokemon called, blowing him another raspberry.

In a rage, Dorian darted forward, the pokeball in his right hand, the pulsing shard in his left. As he closed to about ten feet away, Dorian drew back and hurled the ball at Nuzleaf, its red surface gleaming. Nuzleaf barely ducked in time as the ball streaked towards him, causing it to miss him by several inches. The ball continued on its course, slicing through the air like a knife. As it connected with the hedge that circled Ronnie’s house, there was a loud squeal, a flash of white light, and a tiny snap as it closed itself back up.

Whoa, what's this now?

“Nu?” Nuzleaf asked, prying himself out of a headlock.

“I don’t know, go check,” Dorian replied.

“Nunuz!” Nuzleaf answered, shaking his leaf from side to side.

“What was that flash?” Shelton asked as she and Machoke jogged up.

“Well, the Pokeball hit the hedge, and we heard something yell,” Dorian explained.

“Go get it then, dummy,” Shelton said.

“I know what to do,” Dorian replied, walking over to the hedge.

It took him a moment to dig through the thick foliage, but his hands found the trembling pokeball. Standing back up, he rolled it in his hand, his mind a mix of anticipation and confusion. With a loud ding, the return button of the ball blinked red rapidly, signaling a successful capture.

“Well,” Shelton inquired.

“I uh, caught something,” Dorian informed her.

“Nunuz?” Nuzleaf chimed in.

“How the hell am I supposed to know?” Dorian asked. “I didn’t see what it was.”

I really like this. A lot of times captures are too obvious, so doing one that's a complete surprise is refreshing.

“Nuzleaf,” he countered.

“Yeah, open it,” Shelton agreed.

“Alright,” Dorian said, slightly unsure of himself. “I should just do that. Yeah, I’ll just open it.”

Taking a quick breath, Dorian pressed the return button, opening the ball and spilling out its contents. A shape began to materialize on the ground in front of them, bathing their half circle in a bright white glow. Starting at the ground, a thick black tail in the winding shape of a coil appeared, followed by a sizeable, similarly colored tube-like stomach. Two stubby arms became visible next, followed by two rosy circles of fur underneath inky black eyes. By far the most distinguishing characteristic of the now fully formed Pokemon was a large pink pearl clamped tightly between its tiny ears.

“Is that?” Shelton asked.

“Pretty sure it is,” Dorian agreed.

“Spoink?” the small Pokemon uttered, its large flat nose sniffing the air.

Didn't expect a Spoink. That's a Pokemon you don't see often.

“Well hello,” Dorian said. “How’s it going?”

“Spoink?” the Pokemon repeated, looking at Dorian like he was some sort of extraterrestrial. Its eyes drifted over the rest of the group, narrowing slightly when it came to the hulking form of Machoke. Coming back to Dorian, the Spoink spied the open pokeball clutched in Dorian’s right hand. Its eyes widened to the extreme, and its mouth dropped open.

“Yeah, I kind of inadvertently caught you,” Dorian said, grinning sheepishly.

“SPOINK!” the pokemon bellowed, bobbing up and down very rapidly.

As the sound escaped the psychic Pokemon’s mouth, several things happened at once. Nuzleaf leapt forward, drawing back his fist, Machoke grabbed Shelton from behind and turned around, shielding her with his body, and a pink glow shot out of the Spoink’s pearl and enveloped Dorian from head to toe.

“Wai-,” Dorian started, only to stop short as he was yanked off the ground and thrown backwards through the air. Dorian’s vision blurred as he flew backwards, the world passing by him too quickly to focus. Just before the force carrying him dropped its hold, he managed to turn his head around to see where he was going to land. Dorian began flailing his arms wildly in vain, yelling through clenched teeth as his body came down on the twitching mass of sliced electrical cables in front of his uncle’s house.

Pain, unimaginable pain, coursed through his body in torrents as the electricity surged across his flesh. Almost as soon as that one agonizing second commenced, it was over, and he pushed himself up off the ground. Shivering and covered with goose bumps, Dorian struggled to understand why the temperature had changed so dramatically. Remembering what he had fallen into, Dorian quickly leaped to the left, putting him out of the way of the cables.

As he looked down to where he had just jumped from, he gasped. His body was still lying on the ground, twitching and contorting in agony as electricity billowed across it. He almost fainted on the spot as he looked at his body on the ground, his mind being torn in half by the paradox that was taking shape in front of him. He was standing to the side, he wasn’t still on the cables; he had jumped, hadn’t he? As he watched his body on the ground, he noticed two things. First, that his body on the ground was spasming far too slowly; and looking up he could see Nuzleaf in the distance running towards his body on the ground, but he was moving slow as well, like he was stuck in slow motion. The second thing he noticed was that the blue electricity surging across his frame on the ground was all moving to one point, to the shard still clutched in his left hand.

Dorian raised his left hand in his standing body and saw that the same shard was in that hand as well, the only difference being that it was glowing. How was it in both hands? Despite the fact that he was having an out of body experience, that question kept forcing its way into his mind. How were they in both hands? Just as he asked himself the question again, the black shard started pulsing. Harder and harder it pulsed, vibrating so hard that Dorian could barely hang on to it. He couldn’t understand the situation unfolding in front of him; it was so far beyond the realm of his comprehension that all he could do was stare blankly at the softly glowing object. Well, almost all he could do. He figured out he could still scream; which is exactly what he did when the shard wrapped itself around his left hand and yanked him into the sky.

...I don't even know what to say here. This is obviously something I'm going to need to see the next chapter for.

This one was good, it was quite exciting. I'll have to get to the next one soon.

 

[Sidewinder]

Hello Everyone!

I want to first say that I'm sorry it has taken me so long to reply to all these wonderful reviews. The reason for that is I just really needed a break. To relax, to read more, to do a new playthrough on Skyrim. Lots of stuff I'd been neglecting while writing Requiem. But now I'm charged back up and ready to start having my characters kick some *** again. Below I'll respond to some reviews, and anyone who would like to be alerted by PM to when Shatterpoint premieres this week, please shoot me a PM. Thank you all so very much

You would somehow try to bring humor into the middle of a heated battle. Haha

Lol yup. Trying to get Dorian to think clearly and take things seriously is basically like trying to herd cats on acid

I’m not sure Alakazam, being so light and weak would be able to cause the earth to shake still. Lol.

Lol I'm sorry if I made it sound like the whole earth. I meant just about a forty square foot area around him

You called spoink a boy and then a girl here.

LMAO dammit I love that you see stuff like that. Thanks!

Forgot period at the end. Also you said it’d be weird to check into a hotel with an unconscious lady in their arms, but they probably look dirty from walking in the sewers for so long. Isn’t that just as bad?

Lol you're probably right. Though I think dragging around an unconscious woman would cause slightly more concern than smelling like human excrement

You’re a period murderer.

Yup

Ethan’s dead, Dorian’s dead, Alakazam’s dead, and I’m assuming the sequel will have Shelton and Garrett? Unless I missed something and they’re dead too, nothing surprises me with you. I think it hurts me most that Shelton told Dorian about their parents’ death and they became distant in their final moments. If only Shelton hadn’t retained Ethan’s memory, then they might have really gone home, like Dorian wanted, and he would be alive right now. **** you, Dorian.

I definitely feel like that's something Shelton is going to be dealing with in the sequel. I feel like a part of her has always had some sort of motherly feelings towards Dorian and felt like she's responsible for him, even though she's younger. She should have saved the bit about their parents until later on because it wouldn't do anything but pile on more pain and rage for him. I know she did it because it would inspire him to keep going, but as I was writing it I felt like it was too much for her to deal with on her own. That if she told Dorian it would get some of the weight off her shoulders.

And I’m glad you have a Garrett in your life, I wish to find my own Garrett someday too

You will

I have to admit that I agree with Glove in that the Wanderer section ended up feeling like a bit of an odd detour. It was certainly important in that it gave Shelton the knowledge that Ethan had been responsible for her parents' death, and this in turn motivated her and Dorian to chase Ethan all the way to Sky Pillar, but otherwise it kind of comes out of nowhere and leaves just as quickly. I was kind of hoping that Ethan/Shelton would spend more time switched, since I think you could have gotten a lot of mileage out of how being trapped in the other person's body affected them. On the other hand, I had no idea how close we were to the end of the story! In that light the shortness of the arc makes a bit more sense

The quickness of her character is really what I was going for. I thought it would work as kind of a device that added to the randomness and chaos they keep experiencing since they started this crazy thing. Another reason I added her was to shed a little bit more light on Ethan's childhood and young adult years, as well as Alakazam's. Since it wasn't a subject I had touched on very often

Shelton was the only one who knew how to kill Ethan? How would that be, exactly? I never got the indication that she was trying to put any particular plan into action, and if she did know how to kill him, why didn't she tell Dorian? Especially when he asked what they'd do if they met Ethan?

What I meant by that was when she was in Ethan's mind she got his knowledge and recalled when Uxie kidnapped him and threatened him with pulling out his heart and in turn, pulling out the flakes that sustains him. It was only after her mental conversation with Alakazam on the plane that she realized that Alakazam knew how to do it as well

Nobody's suspicious about the people walking down the street with stockings over their faces?

lmao. They didn't end up using them

I'm surprised Ethan went for capturing Dorian to try and get the shard back from Shelton. Just grabbing it from her, likely killing her in the process, seems more his style.

I see why you would say that, but seeing as how much trouble they've caused him throughout the course of the story, I think Ethan relished the idea of making Shelton do something she didn't want to do, as well as killing Dorian by throwing him off the building in Unova and making Shelton live with it. Thankfully it didn't work though

I was a little disappointed that in the end we didn't get a great deal of closure to the whole Ethan/Alakazam relationship, assuming the both of them really are dead. It was certainly tragic that he got to see Ethan killed in the end without any attempt to confront him or reconcile with it, but I feel like just one more scene with the two of them just before the end would have been perfect.

Part of me agrees with you, however, I think I put it in there without a resolution because it echoed how turbulent their relationship became over time and how disconnected they became from each other as the story progressed. I think there's a certain thing to gain from dying with conflict, without having everything you want and without everything you want said said. It's more realistic to me for them to die unfulfilled, as thats more like how death really is. It doesn't give you time to right the things you want righted before you go

Thanks for the review!

More so than before, it seems that your writing skills are shining through more than ever. The description is flowing enough to coat everything it touches in a colorful array of words, but that’s also easy to take in. From the details of the destruction of the skyscrapers and, in the previous chapter, the deaths of the final two of the Lake Trio. It’s chilling just how much you can draw a reader in and then have a scene that can send actual shivers up my spine.

I appreciate the compliment sir. Pat yourself on the back as well, as I picked up a lot of my abilities over time from a lot of different author's advice, including your's. Seeing as how you've been following this for such a long time, the compliment mean a lot, as I can see little changes in myself as well.

I had an inkling that Ethan would likely lose himself to some sort of possession or death... But now I have no idea. I don’t know if he’s still alive in there, buried beneath the influence of the kings, or if they truly killed him in order to command his body fully... To be quite honest, despite the fact that I retain a strong hatred for Ethan, I don’t want him dead, not in this way. It seems to be the conflict between the lesser of two evils. Ethan isn’t as evil as these six kings, so as much as it pains me, I’d rather have Ethan.

Believe me buddy, I feel exactly the same way. Sure Ethan was obviously evil, but I would take his superiority complex and delusions of grandeur over the bat **** crazy six kings any day. His body is alive in the sense that the six kings are controlling it, but who Ethan was, his mind, his being, that I'm not sure about. Maybe, maybe not. An argument can be made for both sides of the coin. He might really be gone, or he might actually still be there, simmering under the surface.

But, that seems to be a question for the sequel to answer, I’m sure.

Yup

... Bravo, man. Seriously, you have my utmost congrats. I didn’t see any of this coming. Not Sky Pillar

Thanks buddy. I'm glad you liked it. Sky pillar was always my favorite place to go in Hoenn, and I always thought it deserved more attention than it got. It'll definitely be a place we visit again in the sequel in order to touch on my version of the mythology and such

However, I did get a large amount of satisfaction when Alakazam killed off the Salamance.

Omg so did I. lmao I know I'm the one writing it, but when I put the period down at the end of that sequence, I recall jumping up from the couch and fist pumping while laughing my *** off. It felt really good, and I wished I had maybe put some of that same satisfaction in Alakazam before he died

Sidewinder, you've never ceased to be an inspiration to me. Not only in your skills, which are amazing, you continue to write no matter what happens. That is what I admire in you, and it’s the work ethic I wish to keep well into my own adult years. You’re a great guy and even greater writer; it’s an honor to know you and follow your works

I really appreciate the compliment buddy, it means a a lot. You have the same thing inside you sir. Your numerous awards are a great reminder of that. I feel the same way towards you and I really regret not getting to your stories in so long. That'll be changing quickly though

What really drew me into this fic was how different it was. It had the vague essence of a trainer fic, but this wasn’t a typical journey. Dorian and Shelton weren’t chosen ones, and the Chosen One was hell-bent on death and destruction. Like Dragonfree, I didn’t find anyone particularly likable, but on the other hand, that was half the point. These aren’t meant to be likable characters. The fate of the world rested in the hands of a homicidal maniac, an alcoholic, and his smart-alecky sister. While it was clear that Dorian and Shelton were meant to be protagonists, sometimes, you had to wonder, especially when Dorian’s solution to grief was straight-up binge drinking. And this isn’t a funny ha-ha binge drinking or a “look at my badass character” binge drinking. This was flat-out, this-kid-has-problems binge drinking, and that’s only the tip of the iceberg of flaws that both of these characters have. And on top of everything else, every last flaw was presented extremely well, with painful, almost realistic details. They’re flaws; they got in the way of the characters all the time and made them into fascinating people. You could feel something for everyone, even Ethan, who you just had to pity because of how fantastically delusional he was.

I'm glad you picked that out. As I've said before, some of the characters are modeled after people I know in my own life, and to be honest, not all of them are very exaggerated. Take the relationship between Dorian and Shelton. Not only did I base their attitudes and interactions with each other on my wife and my relationship, but both are almost clones of who we actually are. Shelton never misses a chance to correct me or make witty retorts, and like Dorian, I can almost never come up with a comeback. I also liked that you mentioned the alcoholic bit. For a period of around two years, up to about five months ago actually, drinking was my release. Any problem I faced that seemed to big, I responded by climbing into a bottle. So many nights where I would get black out wasted and do terribly irresponsible things. It was only this year did I realize it was becoming a problem and take steps to slow down. So Dorian's problems with drinking was actually very easy for me to write haha

you see him standing there, human again for the briefest, panicky moments.

I'm glad you picked up on that bit. I have a weird love/hate relationship with Ethan, and that moment really made me feel for him in a way that I was surprised I felt.

More than that, there’s the pacing. The story starts off slowly, but it builds up and up to the point where every chapter, you know some level of **** is about to go down. You mastered the overall pacing part of it, and everything feels like it’s not only necessary but also adds to the suspense of the story. Even when the characters are experiencing a level of downtime, you’re just waiting for something to explode. Additionally, your attention to detail is fantastic. As a reader, I really could picture in my head all of the worlds you wanted to present and all of the situations you wanted to drag your characters through in either gruesome or beautiful detail.

Thanks. The pacing was the thing I felt I actually had the most trouble with. Right when I started writing I wanted, like you said, for things to feel relaxed and easy. As time went on I wanted to add a more frantic tone to every chapter. I can't tell you how many times I took stuff out or added things I didn't always like because I felt like it either added or took away from how fast I wanted things to feel. So to have you say you think I did a good job on it means more than you know

I also loved the amount of detail you added to the canon of the fic, and this is one example. You put a lot of thought into describing different concepts (like, in this case, how a poké ball works) and different locations’ culture and history.

Thanks! Thinking up stuff like that entertained me for many boring hours at work lol

. Perhaps, should you ever do a rewrite of the earlier chapters, this would be a little less obvious with a bit more use of either term (if that makes sense), but for now, it does feel a bit jarring. I mean, using that term tends to imply that its meaning is particularly important, but you’ve established early on that although Shelton and Dorian are important to each other, what they are besides generally family isn’t as vital to them.

Not sure if that makes sense, but point is, it’s odd that it’s being emphasized now.

I understand completely. Going back and adjusting or rewriting earlier chapters is an idea I've been flirting with for awhile now. I think in the beginning when this idea was still brewing I didn't know how I wanted to portray their sibling relationship and I think I didn't put enough thought into it. Now that i've gone back and reread those earlier chapters it feels almost kind of strained as well as slightly incomplete. Thanks for bringing it to my attention!

But high five for being one of the few people to use a semicolon properly

My wife taught me how. She laughed and got really happy when you said that lol

. At first, I was a bit put-off by the not-ending, but then, I began to realize something. Requiem is by and large not the typical fic. The heroes screw up. The villain is double-crossed by the dragon and never survives it

Exactly what I was trying to get across, I'm glad you saw that

They made me stop and remember that despite everything that Shelton and Dorian go through, despite the fact that any other fic would take these everyman characters and elevate them to something extraordinary, they can’t. These are real (or very close to real) people facing a supernatural force that goes well above and beyond what they can handle. Everyman characters don’t save the day. They watch in horror as the world falls down around their ears.

And that, I think, is what makes this ending actually rather satisfying, even when it’s not supposed to be.

Those reactions are something that I tried really hard to mold the right way to accomplish exactly what you said. Which goes back to exactly what you said earlier about them being flawed. This journey/trials would be monumentally difficult for a normal person to deal with. But when it's Dorian, Garrett, and Shelton, I'm really actually kinda surprised they haven't been hurt worse or maimed in some fantastically brutal fashion.

I also generally adore how the everyman characters interact. You know they’re supposed to be the heroes of the story, but they just have the most natural reactions I’ve ever seen. Including layers upon layers of sarcasm and anger.

Thanks! You generally have to have a doctorate in sarcasm and smart-assery to run with me and my wife's crew. and that goes double for Garrett lol

And this is a fascinating turn of events. I’m delighted to see it, actually. You could have just as easily created a powerful device of your own, but instead, you choose to expand on canon—rather subtly up until this point, much to my delight—and give an existing item more background and power. That and I just find the plates fascinating, so I’m thrilled to see them in play here with a rather fascinating myth attached to them.

I'm glad you liked it. The plates and the mythology behind them will be touched on more in the sequel. I wish it was something I could tell you I mapped out and thought about over time, but the plates, flakes, and shards of the plates was literally something that just came to me, all at once one day

Then again, you could also be blowing off the whole color thing, which actually wouldn’t be a problem, tbqh.)

Good, because that's exactly what I'm doing lol

Although I have to say I thought you were talking about Mirage Island at this point. Maybe you were talking about both. Either way, the point is, your world feels so much deeper and detailed than canon, but it’s awesome that you went that route instead of just dumping canon altogether. It’s always fascinating to stumble across canon points and read what you have to say about them, in other words.

Curious to know why the children were laughing, though, but that’s a minor point

Thanks so much! I've tried to be canon conscious through the entirety of the fic and when it ended I was pretty pleased with the result, and you affirming that makes me feel even better. Canon is a weird but fun line to tread in the creative process and it actually surprised me a lot by how much joy I got from screwing around with it.

and the children laughing was actually something that happens a lot in life that I started noticing over the last few years. An example is a six year laughing at a car crash that happens in a movie. Even though the main character dies, they laugh at all the flashing lights and twisted metal. They can't comprehend that what happened is a terrible tragedy because they aren't equipped to deal with the ramifications of life and what it means. So a monstrously large tower of shiny stone rising from the ocean is something I can actually see them laughing about lol

Aaaaaaand I lol’d. Oh, Garrett. You’re one of my favorites. (I also deeply appreciate the down-to-earthiness of Alakazam and the entire ball of insanity that is Shelton and Dorian, just for the record. Ethan’s also a pretty effective villain, so … I think this is the first time in a long while where I can say I really like all of the characters.)

That means a lot coming from you Jax, thanks. I think you'd have a good time with me, Shelton, and Garrett. Though thankfully I don't know any murderous psychopaths like Ethan. I can honestly say I wouldn't want to hang out with him under any circumstances

As in, it felt like the characters would have them, and they would use the weapons they had the ways they did. For example, I can definitely see Garrett spouting a one-liner as he hoists a gun, and I think it’s a rather pleasant surprise to see him do it right about now.

I got that idea from the real Garrett. He really has a short barreled shotgun he named johnny kneecaps, and has been none to sleep with it in bed on occasion.

I have to admit that this is one of the points where I was torn. On the one hand, of course the kings would be evil enough to use a mortal and dump him aside once they got what they wanted. That’s why it didn’t particularly matter who got the shards and flakes in an earlier chapter so long as they were loyal to the search. (Or, at least, that’s why they felt the need to drag Shelton into the whole mix for that brief time.) On the other, it also kicks them down a notch and slides them into the typical villain roles. As in, one of the things that I felt was most compelling about them was the fact that they weren’t the typical antagonists. Sure, they were power-hungry, but they were also kind to Ethan. Revealing that as being part of a massive manipulation plan forces them to become villains and nothing more, rather than a force that had been good but wound up being corrupted by power, if that makes sense. I guess in short, this act takes away from the idea that they might have been good and human at one point and propels them purely into the “they are totally evil” territory, but what made them particularly fascinating earlier on was the fact that they were corrupted into being these all-powerful evil presences.

In other words, it’s a little like Ethan. I really want to feel for Ethan here, but I’ve got mixed feelings about him because over the course of the fic, he became a purely evil entity, rather than a being who was misled. So his values turned from being potentially good but driven by a seriously twisted set of morals to just the seriously twisted set of morals part.

I know. That’s a rather lengthy bit of crit, but don’t get me wrong. I still like the power that these characters hold, the hopelessness they induce on the protagonists, and the compelling nature they maintained in earlier chapters. I just feel like this exchange could’ve been made a bit deeper if they weren’t just the kinds of villains prone to evil laughing, y’know?

That was actually something I had trouble with as well. I wanted to take them in a direction that would make sense but at the same time avoid that all evil villainous stereotype. I feel decently pleased with the result but you brought up several really good points. To be honest I really couldn't think of a better place to take them. I sat for days trying to figure out their story line. Notebooked ideas, I even tried to draw ghostly type pictures of them to help myself figure it out but I always came back to them possessing and taking control of Ethan's body. I still have the chance to develop them more in the sequel and I'll definitely be taking your comments on them to heart

I’d just like to give you credit for fantastically body horrific images. The violence in this fic is incredibly creative and carefully described—which is saying something because a lot of the time, when an author attempts to be to be gritty and horrific, their descriptions are flat-out clumsy. Like, okay, yeah, you stab someone, and blood comes out everywhere. Sure, you skin something, and you can see their muscles. There’s just limited creativity in that, you know? But here, it’s not just beheading. It’s beheading and reassembly. I know, it’s weird to be complimenting someone on how macabre they get, but what I find satisfying about this fic’s gore is that it’s actually well-thought-out. It doesn’t just exist for shock factor or to be oh-so ~adult~. It’s there to be part of the elegance of the fic—to add to the horror of the characters, not the scene. It’s functional violence, not violence for the sake of violence.

Thanks for picking up on that as well. There is always a time or place for violence, and it can be an amazing tool to further the story as well as add more detail to descriptive imagery. Your comments to that effect that I've seen in other reviews as well as your own stories tell me you feel the same way. In a top ten list of things I wanted to do right in this fic, violence and gore would probably be number three. It's something I desperately wanted to get right. Not that I'm tooting my own horn but you saying that made me feel really good that I did it the right way.

Even the fic’s title makes no promises and even serves as a warning

I'm so freaking glad you picked up on that

In short, I’ve secretly loved this fic for quite some time, and I’m looking forward to the sequel’s premier. Good luck, Sidewinder. I’ll be watching.

Thanks very much! A review from you is something I've wanted for a very long time and the fact that you liked it meant a great deal. I'm sorry I didn't touch on every single one of your points but I was working with time constraints today lol. And with the grammatical mistakes you pointed out, rest assured that I copied and pasted them into a document (along with all the other's reviews I've commented on today), and will definitely be looking back on them for Shatterpoint to make sure they are not repeated. As you know it's not something I ever got the chance to learn, and your guidance, along with everyone else's is something I really appreciate. Especially in the grammar department. Jax, along with the rest of you, have my permission to scissor kick me in the face if I keep making these mistakes.

I'll be getting to the rest of the reviews at some point this week. Stay tuned!

 

[Sike Saner]

Hmm, looks like this thread hasn't seen a post in a few months. Hopefully what follows is a sufficiently substantial post to bump with; I'll accept what's coming to me if it ain't.

ANYWAY. What follows is a metric butt ton of direct thoughts and reactions to what I was reading, most if not all of which will follow the excerpts that provoked them. It'll be like reading it right alongside me.

Don't worry. I remembered my deodorant today.

“Ap!” it yelled. “AP, APAP!”

Sometimes anime-style pokéspeak amuses the heck out of me. A nosepass saying "nose" and a qwilfish saying "fish" are a couple of examples. Trapinch's little outburst is another. X3

Well, from the limited amount of information we’ve gathered on the marker’s, they’re supposedly forged from metal; but out of a rare ore we think is obsidian.

About obsidian! It's actually not a metal, but rather a sort of volcanic glass. Or real world obsidian is, anyway. Which is why it baffles me to no end that Minecraft obsidian can only be broken by a healthy dose of smacking with a diamond pick, heh.

“Good boy,” Shelton smiled, patting Nuzleaf on the shoulder as the Pokemon blew its owner a raspberry.

This nuzleaf is quickly earning my favor.

“Let’s do it!” Dorian announced. “Strap on the nitro!”

“Really?” Shelton asked, “Come on Dorian, we talked about this for like half an hour.”

“Come on, just give it a chance,” he pleaded.

“No. That catch phrase is never going to catch on. Besides that, its barely a catch phrase. Its just random words that have nothing to do with our current situation.”

“Fine,” he said, shouldering his pack.

“We’re clear then?”

“Yes, mother,” he grumbled.

“Now can we go?”

“Yuppers,” he said. “Let’s do it.”

“Are you serious?” she asked, frustration easily visible. “We talked even longer about that. Every single time you say ‘yuppers’, it causes me considerable mental pain.”

Same goes for the banter between these two. Pretty entertaining.

“Ap!” the diminutive Pokemon agreed, rolling to ihis left and dodging the powerful jet of water.

Every time a trapinch aps, an angel gets a shiny new pair of wings.

Trapinch began to growl loudly, tapping into the growing process that his kind was sometimes afforded. His skin suddenly transformed into sickly hues of yellow and green. His eyes began to bulge and turn a lustrous olive as his backbone began to stretch and wiggle trough the back of his thick hide. Crimson blood streamed down his sides as a pair of regal looking, rhombus shaped wings burst out from underneath his skin. Growling louder now, the bones in his face began to change shape, becoming thinner, narrower, becoming almost brittle in their lightness. As a pair of antenna burst out of Trapinch’s forehead, his new tail split in two, mirroring the shape and color of its new wings.

“Vibrava,” the dragon type hissed, his voice an eerie whisper. Arching its back, the newly evolved Pokemon beat its wings furiously, channeling the wind they produced all over its body, cleansing itself of the blood and fluids that had accumulated on its sparkling body.

I can't lie: there's just something I like about a violent transformation. 8D Kinda makes me wonder how you'd go about describing something like, say, remoraid -> octillery.

Ethan’s Alakazam’s remarkable mental abilities made it possible for him to lift them telekinetically; shortening the time it would take them to cross the distance normally. Psychic energy lightly glowed around his chest, the anchor point that he was being carried from.

Alakazam are awesome.

The colony of Graveler was tired, and they were angry. The humans had planted explosives in their homes, just on the inside of the mountain. They had killed two elderly Graveler by doing so. Their leader had stopped them from retaliating at first, believing the explosions to be some kind of accident. When the men and their horribly loud machines began to trickle into their new valley, however, they knew different. It was evident they were making another pathway, the ones that were spoken about by the Golem who left the inner sanctum to explore their territory.

In unison, the collection of eyes rotated right, taking in the shapes of two humans and their Pokemon approaching from the west. Fear gripped all of them at once, a reasonable reaction to the atrocities that had recently occurred. Breathing loudly, the Graveler moved their bodies against the rock faster.

Their leader silenced the scraping with a single slap of its hand against the rock. Moving its hands in slow circles, it laid out its plan.

Oh hello there, wild pokémon society. What a welcome sight.

Turning around, with dark mud streaming from its eyes, the Graveler took aim at Shelton’s head.

Crying mud, hm? That's kind of a neat detail there.

The duck Pokemon was firmly embedded in the rock wall in front of Dorian. His tongue hung limp out of his open bill, saliva dripping down to pool on the ground below. Golduck’s lifeless pupils were dilated to the extreme, speaking volumes of the inactivity behind them. As Dorian kept looking up, he saw that the small jewel in Golduck’s forehead had shattered, leaving a gaping hole. Lavender psychic energy drifted lazily out of the gap in his skull, forming a bubble above Golduck’s head.

Ouch, dang. Poor ducky.

Just as a red beam leapt from the ball and arced towards Golduck, Dorian remembered that it was pointless; it was impossible to call back dead Pokemon.
Regardless of Dorian’s intentions, the red beam continued forward

!!!

Well there's some (possibly) good news. Ducky's probably gonna feel like **** if he wakes up, though.

“I’ll make you a deal,” Shelton said, her tears splashing across Machop’s chest. “If you stay awake for me I’ll sing you your favorite song. Remember your song?”
Machop’s eyes widened slightly for a moment, then started to work their way down again.

“I’ll just sing it for you then, and you can stay awake, and we’ll get you to the Pokemon Center, okay?”

Somehow this gives me a sinking feeling about Machop's fate.

All of a sudden, Machop’s eyes flew open again. His body began to spasm uncontrollably, his hands tearing out of Shelton’s grasp and beating themselves against the ground. Machop bellowed, causing Dorian to grab Shelton and pull her backwards in alarm. As the pair watched, the pigment in Machop’s skin suddenly changed, becoming a creamy blue. His cranium split open and three bony crests forced themselves out of his skull, blood squirting out to form a halo around his head. The muscles in his arms, legs, and abdomen bulged unnaturally and expanded, becoming hard and thick. Inside Machop’s body, his bones snapped even more and repaired themselves instantly as his brain sent commands to flash generate calcium. Machop screamed again as the newly repaired bones stretched themselves, lengthening his torso and legs. With one final spasm, his face contorted, stretching itself wide, his mouth boasting two new pairs of razor sharp fangs.

“Choke,” Machop wheezed.

By which I'm guessing he meant "****". Trapinch evolving looked painful enough, but to go through this kind of evolution when you're already in piss-poor condition... ouch.

“Shelton, I just, I think he’s okay,” Dorian stated.

“I think he is too,” Shelton agreed, fresh tears coming to her eyes.

There's just something so natural about the dialogue, especially in places like this. I think this might be one of your strongest suits.

Just like the last one, it drove itself into Ethan’s palm, twisting and burrowing itself into his flesh like a Caterpie into an apple.

Oh ow, ow ow ow. That's, uh... certainly an effective way to describe that. Ow.

Oh screw you!

He's braver than I am, even given that these two are close friends. Somehow I don't think I could muster the grapes to say "screw you" to something that's basically special attack incarnate. X3

“You lack the courage of your convictions,” Ethan accused, shoving his face into the swirling ball of energy.

“KAZAM!”

As Ethan’s faced grazed the exterior of the ball, his flesh began to fester and burn, quickly bypassing first degree and going straight to third. His Alakazam quickly ended the flow of power feeding the orb’s energy, effectively saving his master from further injury. The attack had broiled the lower half of his face, making him quickly reel backwards in pain. He stumbled backwards, his hands reaching up in reflex to put pressure on the wound.

Yep. I definitely wouldn't mouth off to an alakazam.

The office he had sneaked into was more rectangular than square, almost appearing to be an extension of a hallway. Papers and folders were stacked in neat rows leading up to a gigantic computer monitor. In front of the monitor was the older man he had seen from earlier, his back turned to him, showing that he had not heard Ethan enter the room. To the man’s right was the shard he had come for, its surface a brilliant blue in the light of the nearby computer monitor. The sight of the relic so close pulled a red haze in front of Ethan’s eyes as he silently walked forward. The man in the office chair was so focused on the screen that he did not hear him approach. Which suited Ethan fine as he quickly reached out and broke the man’s neck.

...Welp. So much for the beef stew.

“I don’t think you can, actually, beca-“ Garrett started, only to be cut off by Ledian moving over and crawling across his head. “Dammit man, quit screwing around on my face.” He pushed the Ledian off of him and started back up again. “Anyway, like I said he was diagnosed with cancer two years ago and the hospital called me when he slipped into what they thought would be his last day. He was stark white when I got there. Veins were big under his skin and he looked like a drug addict. He looked at me when I got there and I looked back. I saw the sadness in his eyes and what I thought was his best attempt at remorse.”

“So let me guess, you forgave him and put the past behind you?”

“Not really,” Garrett laughed. “I ripped out his IV and broke his jaw.”

...is it bad that I wanted to applaud

All for a piece of black glass.

Yep, glass!

...Idk why I suddenly give this much of a frell about obsidian either. XD;

I’m not going because I’m not going to help you murder him. If you want to track him down and turn him into the police, I’ll be there with bells on; but I’m not going to risk spending the rest of my life in prison just to satisfy my want to have him dead.

Her objection to killing him seems a bit more pragmatic than moralistic. Something about that kind of appeals to me.

As she neared the red wooden door to Sarvine’s office, Machoke rushed forward to open the door for her. He quickly pulled the door open, which was followed by the shriek of splintering wood as the door was pulled off its hinges. Shelton gasped at the same time a shriek came from the now visible receptionist inside the office. Embarrassed, Machoke tried to force the door back onto the demolished frame. His efforts were in vain however and he only managed to smash the thick door in half. He dropped the pieces to the ground and turned to Shelton, who was trying her best to figure out how to handle this.

Machoke, you are adorable.

Dorian was wondering what it would be like to pull his brain out through his forehead.

Golduck could probably field that one for you.

“You’re not going to give this up, are you?” Shelton asked.

“Leaf!”

Oh geez, Nuzleaf, I get that you're agitated but like... come on dude. No need to be dropping l-bombs.

Walking quickly and ignoring Shelton’s raised eyebrows, Dorian started stuffing his pants with every diamond and precious stone that he could fit into his pockets. By the time he was finished he was about five pounds heavier and assuredly millions of credits richer. Looking up from his thievery he saw Shelton narrow her eyes at him slightly, which usually meant he was about to get screamed at for something. However, after a moment of consideration she too walked over and filled her pockets.

applauds

As Shelton turned, right hand still clutching the ancient piece of stone, Dorian swung his arm forward and pressed the stun gun into her shoulder. The less-than-lethal weapon instantly delivered fifty thousand volts of crackling electricity into her body. Shelton dropped to the ground as the electricity streamed across her muscles and sent them into spasms. As Dorian watched, blue hairs of electrical current passed across her torso and down her right arm where they flared even brighter as they reached the shard clutched in her hand.

WELL THEN.

The first was the sound of whip cracking right by Dorian’s ear, the second was a dime sized hole appearing in the middle of Ethan’s forehead, and the third was the back of his head exploding outwards and showering Shelton’s face with gore.

Nice. Futile, I can't help but suspect. But nice.

“Graveler.”

Shelton spun around in time for the Graveler to grasp both of her forearms in two hands, and yank her feet out from under her with the other two. Her back slammed into the ground as the Graveler jumped up and straddled her. Its face was a patchwork of black burns, and its eyes shone with a furious anger. As Shelton struggled against its grasp to try and reach her Pokeflect, she noticed that portions of its body had been blown off, which instantly made her realize who it was. The Graveler’s rough hands broke her skin and she screamed as blood began to roll down her arms.

Oh ****, somehow I'd actually managed to forget all about the graveler...

“We could reach out to The Wanderer, transferring a different mind into Ethan’s body would be within her capabilities.”

“Possibly, but who would we choose?”

“There’s always the thief,” a gruff voice suggested.

“Dorian?” another asked. “He’s just as reckless and unpredictable as Ethan.”

“Not Dorian,” the voice assured the accuser. “The female.”

“Shelton,” they said in unison.

Ohhhh ****...

Before the man could argue further, Garrett turned on his heel and strode out of the revolving doors of the Cerulean City Pokemon Center. Pidgeot was where he had left her and had taken to screeching at trainers who were foolish enough to get within ten feet of her.

Oh, she's a pidgeot! Okay, that clears that up. For some reason I'd thought she was a fearow.

pandiculated

Oh now there's a five-dollar word. Congrats on making me have to look one up; it's been a while.

Less than five seconds later, both men slumped forward, the one behind the wheel pressing up against the horn of the car which let out an ungodly scream.

I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of that. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP...

Shuppet turned back to the doll and drifted forward. Several glowing orbs materialized around Shuppet and began to circle the trembling ghost type. Faster and faster the spheres spun, enveloping her body in a nimbus of dark energy. Suddenly they stopped and shot into the doll, dragging Shuppet along with them. The toy vibrated intensely and shot to its feet while the three of them watched with utter fascination. The doll held itself upright on one leg and twirled around, arms waving from side to side. Then it took a flying leap backwards and landed on the bottom step of the stairs. One arm waved to Shelton as it bent low into a crouch. Shelton waved back sheepishly, unsure whether she was following the correct protocol. Apparently it was for the doll because it nodded its head and front flipped forward to the floor. The moment its rounded feet touched the floor an explosion of violet light rocked through the room. So intense was the flare of energy that Shelton instinctively cried out and shielded her eyes. Stars dancing across her vision, Shelton lowered her arm and looked back to the doll.

Standing in its place was a Banette. Shuppet’s evolved form was only slightly larger than her previous, which was due to the new addition of legs to the previously limbless Pokemon. Identical new arms mirrored the legs, which were accented by a stubby, star shaped golden tail. Shuppet’s eyes had turned a rosy shade of violet during her transformation, and her usual gaping mouth had been replaced by a golden metal zipper that was zipped open to expose half of her mouth. Banette bowed to all three of them as they erupted with applause and shouts of praise.

Ah sweet, I'd been hoping for another of your evolution scenes sometime soon.

Shelton stopped her hand inches from the smooth surface of the water.
She was far enough over the edge of the water that she was able to see her reflection. The face that stared back was not her own. The face she was observing was deeply tanned and the head was closely shaved. Thick black stubble lined the jaw and lips. Shelton reached up and ran a hand across her mouth, feeling the grainy texture of the hair. She blinked several times, trying in vain to convince herself that what she was seeing was an illusion. Her mouth dropped open out of shock and the reflection of Ethan’s did the same. She opened her mouth wider, daring Ethan’s reflection to do the same. It did.

Shelton started screaming.

WELP. So they did it. They actually did it. Should be interesting to see where this leads...

As Dorian’s eyes focused on the disfigured psychic, he saw a gash open up in the middle of the Pokemon’s face. The Gardevoir split apart vertically from head to toe in a spray of blood and sloshing organs. The Wanderer’s remains splashed to the ground with a squelch just as Dorian fell to his knees.

Huh. Wonder if this means her little mindswap spell will be broken. Or if it means it can't be. Or neither.

“Touch my ****ing Pokemon again,” Garrett spat as he leveled a gun at Alakazam. “Go ahead and do it you piece of ****! I ****ing dare you!”

“If you had been paying attention, you would have noticed that I did not touch her,” Alakazam admonished, his eyes beginning to shine.

I love this alakazam.

There was still one thing left to do but he wasn’t sure if he’d live to see how it turned out. The sadness of that thought weighed on him so much that his legs began to tremble. He just didn’t know how it all became so wrong so fast. Alakazam took a breath and raised his arms one final time.

“I love you, brother,” he said to Ethan.

Alakazam pulled his arms down with a jerk. The throne and the sofa vanished in a cascade of light. Dorian and Garrett appeared back in front of him as Ethan and Shelton fell forward, unconscious. He saw Dorian take a step forward but his vision swam again.

“It’s done,” Alakazam broadcasted to them both.

He felt the darkness close in on him as he fell backwards. It was warmer than he thought it would be. Almost like an embrace from a lover. It caressed him, sheltered him, and protected him from the fury and overwhelming sadness of his life. He welcomed it and gave himself over. As if in appreciation of his willingness, the darkness triggered a memory in his fluttering mind. A vision of him and Ethan when they were still so young and full of excitement; lying together in the grass. He heard Ethan’s adolescent laughter in his ears. Then the darkness swallowed him whole and he thought no more.

Annnnnd legit crying now. Even though he made it in the end, poor bby... ;^;

Wiping the tears and snot from his face he descended into the cabin of the slowly rocking vessel. A quick search through the bed’s nightstand and he found what he expected to. The revolver was an antique and seemed to have never been fired. He opened the cylinder and verified that it was loaded. Ethan sat down on the foot of the bed, raised the gun to his temple, and pulled the trigger.

Yeah no son, that's not gonna work.

I say that, but. If he really only did that in the first place to get an audience with the kings, then, well. Mission accomplished.

Loud bangs echoed through her right ear as Garrett started firing. A few bullets found their mark in Ethan’s torso, which elicited a scream of rage or pain; Shelton wasn’t sure which.

Either way, ammo = wasted.

At that, he pulled Alakazam’s pokeball from his pocket. As the Pokemon appeared, Shelton felt a push against her mind, knowing that Dorian was feeling them same. Alakazam took in the events of the last few hours. His pokeball levitated out of Dorian’s hand and floated between them for a moment before it collapsed into itself in a spray of sparks. Alakazam dumped the remains of the device into the river of waste water before he spoke.

You made the right choice, dude. I've gotta say, watching Alakazam grapple with his loyalty has been one of the best things about this fic. Even if it turns out he hasn't turned his back on his "brother" for good, it's definitely a satisfying moment.

Shelton’s vision flashed violet as the far side of the plane opened outward like a flower. They were all yanked off their feet by Alakazam’s mind and thrown outside into the ocean just as a massive boulder cleaved their plane in half. Metal screeched and Shelton coughed out water, quickly checking to make sure Dorian had made it out. He was treading water next to Garrett and Alakazam as he swept the hair out of his face.

“Ever since I ****ing met you people I keep losing my ****ing planes!” Garrett screamed.

I couldn't help but chuckle.

“We thank you for your assistance, boy,” they said, hate reverberating through the air. “But your service will no longer be required.”

“I- but you tol-,” Ethan gasped as their grip tightened.

S-U-C-K-E-R, THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE: A SUCKER! A-A-A SUCKER!

“Ethan?” Alakazam broadcasted.

“Our name is all,” Ethan responded, his voice a mix of overlapping voices.

Well, ****.

Alakazam turned his head and looked backwards. He glanced at all of them but his gaze focused on Dorian. He breathed in and stared back as Alakazam closed his eyes. The shield of energy shattered and Rayquaza’s attack struck the top of the tower. Dorian saw Alakazam’s body break apart in a scattering of light as the energy detonated.

Bby... ;^;

The shockwave blew all three of them off the tower. A pressure gripped Dorian’s chest as he fell. He focused his eyes down to see a spear of the tower embedded in his chest. Blood trickled into the air as he lightly gripped the shaft of stone. With each beat of his heart, the world around him became sprinkled with blackness. He turned his head to look for his sister but all he saw was the sky.

Another explosion turned his body around to face the water. It greeted him with an azure smile, waves slow and hypnotic. Dorian blinked, more darkness clouding his vision. As shock ravaged his body he saw two shapes streaking towards him from the West. One was pink and one was purple, and they both glowed like heaven itself.

Dorian’s heart thumped loudly one final time then stopped completely. The water below reached out to him, and up above, he heard the air dragon roar.

HOLY DICKS THAT'S WHERE YOU'RE ENDING THIS?

Okay, now you KNOW I'm gonna have to check out that sequel before all's said and done. You clever devil.

This has been one hell of a ride. This took me about... hmm, maybe six or seven hours to read? I lost count. Point is, time well spent. Kudos.