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Respire. Expire.

you

Barbed
This fanfic is generally suitable for anyone over 13 as some chapters may contain moderate violence and occasional swearing. However depending on the chapter this rating may decrease or increase. It will be noted.​

So my first time writing a proper fanfic, the Encyclopedia not counting, and i think its coming along quite well with a few chapters already completed. Also im currently looking for a second, and perhaps third, beta reader. So any offers and i would be extremely grateful. Also please keep in mind that as English is not my first language it may not be as great as most peoples, although it should be adequate as ive spent a few years living in England. One more thing: I hope you enjoy it, happy reading.

Respire. Expire.


Prologue:A moments rest.


He lit another cigarette, the flash of the flame illuminating the surrounding darkness.

He exhaled…

The windless night allowed the smoke to billow and hang in the air encasing his hard focused features.

He inhaled…

The moon momentarily became uncovered by the cloud that persistently kept it hidden, distinguishing him from the darkness and revealing a strange red and white ball clasped tightly in his hand.

He exhaled…

‘Tonight would be different.’ he thought.

He inhaled…

‘Tonight I will finish what I started.’

He exhaled…

He inhaled…

It began to rain.

He exhaled…

He barely moved as the rain began to wash over his Stetson and black trench coat.

He inhaled…

‘I just have to be patient.’ he said aloud, as he stubbed the cigarette out on the grave he was leaning on.

It fell to the ground, the darkness surrounding it. Smoke rose silently for a moment before the rain had its way.

He exhaled…

The flare of a match chased the darkness away once more.

He inhaled…

* * * *​

Alex felt good. The sun was shining and the previous week’s rain was all forgotten. He was taking his time, trying to catch fleeting glimpses of the wild Pokemon scurry away, hidden from view, as he came near. He paused on the path for a moment, listening to the birds fill the woods with song. It had been too long since he had heard the scuffling and songs of Pokemon. The dew covered leaves swayed as a breeze blew past, crisp and fresh, then gone. Alex smiled and continued down the well worn path.

The path was indeed well worn. The earth under Alex’s shoes was dry and cracked with the occasional weed growing in the middle, lonesome. It looked old and well used, as if people had been using this route for centuries. At both sides of the path ferns, nettles and bushes, with the occasional close tree, grew, marking the boundaries of the path. So thick, it kept everything strictly to the path and not beyond its borders, protecting the woods from any kind of harm.

The trees were not as thick here, morning light filtered down through the tree tops and catching on the dew making the plants sparkle. Alex was coming to the edge of the woods; he had walked this path so many times before that he could almost do it with his eyes closed.

As he stepped out of the shadow of the trees and jumped on top of a rock, the sunlight reflected in his brown eyes. His dark hair shone in the light making it appear a darker shade of brown than it really was, a breeze blew it into his face. It was getting too long and needed to be cut as it looked messy, but this was how Alex liked it best. Years ago his parents had kept telling him to cut it when it was this length, but now since he was nineteen he hadn’t seen them in a couple years and could keep it the way he liked. He was average height and rather stocky. The bottoms of his blue jeans were all wet from walking across the grass fields before he entered the wood, his shoes tinged green at the toe. He was wearing just a white t shirt, emblazoned with the words ‘Respire’ and ‘Expire’, as it was nice and warm out. He also had his bag with him. It was just a standard bag, but Alex had recently taken it everywhere with him as it contained all his usual everyday things.

Alex always seemed to be in a good and he generally took life as it came, not worrying too much about things, although this would occasionally cause him problems as he did not always plan ahead and was often rushing and in trouble or trying to remember things at the last minute. However recently he hadn’t had a chance to relax and was making the most of this chance. His kind face crinkled as he squinted in the sun. He had an average round shaped nose and had bushy eyebrows, which came from his mum’s side surprisingly. He hadn’t shaved; he scratched the stubble across his face. He preferred it like that as he thought it gave him more of a ‘man’s man’ look. He had a small scar under his chin, kind of oval shaped. When he was younger he fell out of a tree he had been climbing in this very forest and had disturbed a young Geodude which had then thrown pebbles at him. A sharp one had hit him on his chin and made him bleed quite badly.

He looked around sighting his destination.
‘God its good to be back here again,’ he sighed aloud to himself. ‘What’s it been? Like 2 years?’ Alex had moved out of his parent’s house to live in his own apartment in a close by town 2 years ago. He jumped off of the rock, hitched his bag higher up onto his shoulders and carried on down the well beaten path which now passed through a field.

The farmer who had owned the fields and land had moved away long ago due to ‘local disturbances’ and so the fields were very discarded as the relatives the farmer had left the farm to were too nervous to set foot in the farm and its land. However Alex didn’t know any of this and had always known the fields to be as they were, since as long as he could remember.

Alex was now standing next to the gate. The gate was connected to a wooden fence that ran in an oval shape. Encircled was a cemetery. About 50 graves and head stones scattered about in several rows. There was no church nearby, nothing that would indicate why a cemetery would be in the middle of a field. Alex opened the gate and entered the cemetery. He hadn’t been here in 2 years. He made his way to his destination, his sister’s grave, he knew this may his last chance to visit her and he had to tell her everything. He also had to get something.

He passed the biggest grave in the cemetery. On a grey stone pillar the was a life size angel holding her hand in such a way that they created a kind of bowl, and indeed rainwater from last week was still being held in her hands. There were cigarette burn marks all over this grave. Hundreds of them. They had been there as far back as Alex could remember. He had often wondered who had put them there. He wondered, there seemed to be more of them now than there were since he was last here. He shrugged this off without a worry, thinking that he remembered wrong, it had been 2 years after all. He continued towards his sister’s grave.

After a few metres he stopped short, something had been bothering him. He looked around, the tall grass of the field swayed in the breeze, the decrepit fence groaning from years of neglect.
‘Where are all the Pokemon?’ mused Alex out loud. He knew what was coming and didn’t have as long as he hoped.
‘There goes my free day.’ mumbled Alex. As he said this a strange noise caught his attention. Alex whirled round to see what it was, the hairs on his neck and arms standing to attention from momentary surprise. He looked down at the ground and there in front of his Sisters grave glaring up at him, less than 3 meters away, was a Pokemon.

Back in the forest the EYES were catching up.
…‘He had been slow today.’


* * * *​

Authors notes: Since its only a prologue its a more an introduction to the characters, the plot and events will become evident in the second chapter which will be up either later today or tomorrow. Hopefully if i did my job well enough you might have picked up on a few connections. Let me hear your constructive criticism and anything you have to say about it. Thanks in advance.
 
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katiekitten

The Compromise
This is really good for someone who has only been in England for a few years, incredibly good. I really like the beginning. The 'inhaled' 'exhaled' were a nice touch. ;)

A few things to note upon, writing out digits is normally better than using the number forms. Just looks more professional, I guess. Although if it is something uber long, you don't have to bother. XD

A typo I noticed...

He had a small scare under his chin,

Scar, not scare. ;)

So thick keeping anything strictly to the path and not beyond its borders, protecting the woods from any kind of harm.

A nice sentence, but the beginning is a little iffy. To sort it out you need to change the tense of 'keeping' to kept, and put an it before it. I think putting everything instead of anthing would add to the effect, too. =D

So the sentence becomes: So thick, it kept everything strictly to the path and not beyond its borders...

You get the picture. =D

Very good. =D
 

you

Barbed
This is really good for someone who has only been in England for a few years, incredibly good. I really like the beginning. The 'inhaled' 'exhaled' were a nice touch.

Thanks for the compliment. I was trying to create a solomn(sp?), mysterious mood in the beginning section using those sentences, so i hope it worked.

I corrected the typos and your right the sentence works and flows much better now.

Glad you liked it. Hopefully i can keep your interest. The first chapter should be up in a short while, i hope it wont count as a double post if there isn't a comment after this.
 

you

Barbed
Chapter 1-Escaping the gaze of the EYES.


Thunder raged overhead. The storm had gotten stronger. A flash of lightning struck a tree somewhere in the nearby wood. The rain continued to pour down. Thunder rolled across the sky again.

Leaning on the largest grave in the Cemetery he waited, as he had done countless nights before. But this time was different.

Somewhere a Noctowl gave a shrill hoot. He looked up. It wasn’t what he was looking for.

He stared up into the sky. He felt the rain wash over his face. Cleansing. It made him feel clean, washing the dirt from his face. Behind him the angel’s hands finally overflowed and the water continued to pour down onto him. It didn’t matter. The rain had already soaked him through it was so thick.

He stood up straight. He gripped the ball in his hands even tighter.

It was about the right time.

This time he was ready.

He had prepared.

He turned around and he saw the same shape materialise out of the dark that he had been seeing for what seemed like an eternity now.

Lightening illuminated the shadows.

He smiled.

Thunder resonated.

A roar responded.

* * * *​



Alex stood still, glaring back at what he saw. It was round in shape, with lots of gas billowing around it. It was quite large too, about 4 feet. It looked dark purple, almost black, although the gas surrounding it was a much more vivid purple. It had large eyes that made up much of its body. Out of its mouth two sharp fangs protruded. Alex had seen one of these before. He had passed two trainers having a battle and one of them was using the same pokemon as this.

The Gastly glared right back at Alex making a hissing noise. As Alex came closer it’s hissing increased in volume.
‘Listen I’m not going to hurt you,’ Alex started. ‘I just want to get the grave behind you.’ The Gastly didn’t move. Most pokemon were perfectly capable of understanding human speech, and very few had ever been able to speak it. Alex searched and picked up a rock from the ground.
‘Look, all I want to do is see my sister.’ he explained as he prepared to throw the rock at the Gastly to get it out of the way. However as he finished his sentence the Gastly stopped hissing, its menacing glare gone. Alex paused also. The Gastly flew up to Alex’s eye level. Alex had never been particularly afraid of Pokemon; he had grown up with a Growlithe which had helped him get used to them, but this Gastly still made him nervous. It seemed to have a distinct purpose behind its movements. He stared back nervously. The Gastly backed down and flew behind Alex. He glanced behind him; it was hovering just above the ground staring at him. He was just thinking that there was something creepy about it when he heard the noise he had been dreading.
‘How the hell did they catch up so fast, God dammit?’ He muttered to himself. He didn’t have as much time as he had hoped, but he had to tell someone or he felt he would explode. The sound of car engines grew louder.

Alex kneeled in front of his sister’s grave. It was no larger or more special than any other grave in the cemetery. A large grey slab of granite with her name and a poem carved into it.

Cindy Laura Hart
1976-2000

Many others will come
And be stronger than eye
Lest I prove to you that,
One is enough.
Can you see that I tried?
Can you tell that,
He started it not I?
I tried to stay.
Once was enough.​


Alex’s sister often wrote poetry and so he had never thought about it before, last week when he first found out he knew he had to come see it again. He grabbed some paper from his bag and started to write down the poem. He looked behind him; he could see the cars coming out of the woods now, three of them. Jeeps. Their blocky bodies covered in green paint reflecting the sunlight, the large tyres rolling over everything in their way, like a rolling stone. The engine whirring noisily under the hood. They had a picture of an eye with a red iris emblazoned on the sides on the door. There were only two men in the first and four in the other two, they were that close he could count them now. Six of them were armed with rifles- He knew who was in that first car. He glanced down quickly; either the Gastly hadn’t heard the noise or it didn’t acknowledge it as it was still staring directly at Alex.

He quickly noted the rest of the poem down. Finishing just as the first jeep pulled up in front of the gate. Alex stood up, putting the paper back into his bag, finished what he came here to do. He stared at the first jeep.

Slowly a man dressed in black got out of the passenger seat. He stood up straight, his coat flowing behind him.
‘Ah it’s good to see you again, it’s been a long time.’ he sighed looking in the graveyards direction as he lit a cigarette, the slight breeze blowing away the smoke as he exhaled.
‘A while?’ exclaimed Alex. ‘Malocchio, it’s been less than a week.’
‘Quiet!’ Spat Malocchio. ‘Speak when you’re spoken to child, who said I was talking to you. I would be happy if I never had to see you again, which, as I’m here now, can be arranged.’
Alex remained quiet. He had figure a way out of the situation.

Alex had first met Malocchio at the EYE centre a week ago. It had been his first job as a journalist. He had gone into the EYE centre to see what it was actually about. EYE Centres were large domed buildings, usually several stories high. They were usually green and the outside had lots of windows built into the walls which threw reflections and glare in all directions. The EYE Corporation was a company that invented products for Pokemon and their trainers as well as provided protection for people at a price. However the firm Alex was working for had long suspected that that was just a cover up. It was said that the EYE had become so powerful, through illegal means, that they even had a hold over the government in some situations and that they had an army strong enough to over power the government. However this had never been proved.

Alex was told to go in and “snoop around” as the director had put it. Alex had originally entered the building on one of the tours that goes through the grounds, but had managed to slip away and follow some scientists down a restricted corridor. What he had discovered on the computers that day had sent his mind into overdrive. He left in such a hurry out of fear and shock that he set all kinds of alarms and security measures off. It was then that he ran into Malocchio, the head of the EYE Corporation. Malocchio had tried to kill him that day. He had underestimated his Pokemon; they were ruthlessly trained and exceptionally strong and didn’t think twice about disobeying his orders and killing him. Alex still wasn’t sure exactly how he had gotten away, but it involved the fire alarm, emergency lock down and a lot of running. He had tried to go to the authorities but the EYE Corporation was always one step ahead of him.

This is why he decided he would have to wait until the commotion had died down. This is why he couldn’t stay in one place and had to keep moving. He couldn’t ask for help, they had people working for them in the least likely of places. They were following him. He also decided that he would try to cause them as much trouble as possible and so was heading towards the nearest EYE recruitment centre.

Malocchio put a hand into his pocket.
‘You know what happens now.’ he sneered ‘You either come with me out of choice or I make you come with me.’ Malocchio had gruff voice from the endless amount of cigarettes he smoked. He was tall and had long hair which flowed freely around him was tangled. Dark. His face looked spiteful and cold. He had sharp angular features which gave him a rather sinister look and making him look about sixty. He had a short beard on his chin. He looked like the type of person that would sell his own children if it would help him in anyway. His eyes. So dark.
‘And you know I’m not coming with you.’ argued Alex. He was putting on a brave face but knew he didn’t have many options. Malocchio put out his cigarette, stepping on it, extinguishing. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ball. It was red and white with a black stripe running all the way round with a button on the front.
‘Last chance.’ he grinned coldly. Alex stood frozen, if he attempted to move he would either be run down by one of the other cars or then not get far enough before he would get attacked by the pokemon that came out of the ball.
‘Fine, your call.’ Malocchio said. He lit another cigarette and tossed the ball onto the ground. It immediately opened up and there was a bright white flash and a pokemon materialised in front of Alex.

The pokemon looked at Alex focused. Its pink white tipped ears quivering. Its whole body itching to get moving at the command of its trainer. Alex had seen it before, it was the same pokemon Malocchio had used a week before. Its pink fur waved in the breeze, while its lighter white fur covered belly heaved heavily. Its short but sturdy arms pushed the Pink curl of fur out of the way of its large illuminated green eyes. It was not a pokemon Alex had expected Malocchio to have, but it was ruthlessly trained.
‘Its eyes,’ thought Alex. ‘So angry and empty.’
‘Double-edge, Wigglytuff.’ Malocchio said as he exhaled. Smoke surrounding the pokemon.

The Wigglytuff sprang to life; it covered the distance between itself and Alex extremely quickly, running on all fours. Alex barely had time to move out of the way allowing the Wigglytuff to connect with his sister’s grave behind him. The headstone gave a shuddering crack and then toppled over, broken in half. Malecchio’s Wigglytuff stood up, almost un-phased by the miss.

It was then that Malocchio noticed the Gastly and Alex remembered it. It gave a hideous shriek and rose up off the ground its focus now on the Wigglytuff. The Wigglytuff returned the stare unwavering.
‘Ah, so I see you caught yourself a pokemon. Nevertheless it’s a minor detail. Wigglytuff Shadow Ball.’ laughed Malocchio. The Wigglytuff started to create a black ball of energy between its forelimbs. The Gastly started moving to the left and disappeared.
‘Party tricks.’ muttered Malocchio. He snapped his fingers and his Wigglytuff followed to the left as well and released the Shadow Ball. The black blob hurled forwards towards no target, but before it could collide with anything it exploded in midair. The Gastly reappeared and flew backwards towards Alex landing at his feet barely conscious.
‘Crap.’ thought Alex ‘there goes my distraction, should’ve taken the chance.’ Malocchio smiled.
‘Wigglytuff, time to earn your keep…’ before he could finish, the Gastly rose up slowly from the ground, barely alive and able to keep itself afloat.
‘You stubborn *******, get out of here.’ Alex shouted while searching in his bag, he had to save the Gastly from dying and he knew exactly how.
‘Hah.’ Malocchio snorted ‘Stubborn isn’t it, Wigglytuff another Shadow Ball.’ The Wigglytuff started to quickly charge up another Shadow Ball, while the Gastly’s eyes started to glow bright blue. Alex looked on amazed, one hand still in his bag. Malocchio and his men fell to the floor. They were asleep.
‘Hypnosis.’ mused Alex; he had seen many pokemon battles on TV and so knew a few attacks.

The Wigglytuff was struggling to stay awake, pokemon were generally more resistant to attacks then humans. As it fell to the ground its cold eyes shut, it loosed the Shadow Ball towards the Gastly. Alex shouted and threw the ball he had been searching for towards the falling Gastly. It hit the Gastly and fell to the ground, the Shadow Ball just missing overhead and continuing and crashing into another headstone. The Pokeball on the ground barely moved before the light on the button went out indicating that the Gastly had been caught.

Alex had received that Pokeball several years ago on his 12th birthday as a present from his parents. They had wanted him to go on a journey and challenge official Pokemon gyms. He had never particularly been really into pokemon as a child and had other dreams than to become a wandering trainer and so had never used the ball. Instead he kept it with him as a good luck charm and in case he would ever change his mind at any point.
‘Have to thank Mum and Dad,’ he muttered ‘one more hit and it would have died for sure.’ He looked around. Everyone was asleep. Now was his chance. Alex picked up the Pokeball, his first pokemon. He started running across the fields, he needed to get as far as possible while he had the chance.
‘Having a pokemon might actually be useful,’ he thought to himself. ‘Even if I have no chance against Malocchio, I can do a bit of training and maybe get him back one day. But first I have to somehow get it to the Pokemon Centre without being noticed.’

Malocchio opened his eyes. He stood up slowly. The sun was setting. He had slept the whole day. He looked over at the Wigglytuff still sleeping in the middle of the graveyard. He lit another cigarette and stared into the distance.

‘Next time would be different’

* * * *​

Authors notes: I actually kind of like this chapter better than the prologue. Hopefully if you were paying attention you would have picked up on a few more connections. And i hope i didnt make Gastly appear uber in anyway and i hope i made you hate Malocchio, if i did then i did well. Let me know your opinions. Thanks.
 
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you

Barbed
Chapter 2-The Killer

The roar reverberated off the surrounding gravestones.

The rain increased its rage.

He stared the Pokemon, he had released, in front of him.

It stared into the enveloping darkness. Rain washed over it. It roared again.

Echo.

Rainfall.

“This time is different:” he kept thinking to himself. “I won’t be beaten again.”

It had noticed him. The pokemon stood staring at him. Lightning flashed over head illuminating and revealing it to the surrounding world. It looked angry.

Before the thunder even had time to respond to the lightning flash it was moving towards him.

He stuttered a cry and slipped to the ground.

It had grown stronger. Faster. Smarter.

Before it could collide with him his pokemon stepped in front of him, in the path of the attacking pokemon. It deflected the tackle with ease. Its hard body absorbing the blow.

He looked up.

Rain fell into his eyes, slightly blurring his vision.

His pokemon did not like the rain, yet he had trained it well and it accepted the falling water and did not cower when the rain washed over its brown bulky body. Raindrops dropped from the spikes lining its back. Its tail swished in the mud, the spiked end churning up the ground. The black markings upon its chest and legs gave it the misleading appearance that parts of it were missing. The blue diamond on its belly heaved and was the only way he was sure where it was, it was so dark.

He had made the right choice. This would go well.

He made it back to his feet.

‘Crunch’ he shouted, his voice barely audible above the noise.

This time he would catch it.

* * * *


Alex ran through the streets dodging people he passed.
‘Crap, where the hell is it’ he shouted aloud to himself. He had hitched a ride all the way to Valtra city. The city so big that it required fifteen Pokemon Centres. So it was typical that Alex couldn’t find a single one. He stopped running. The light was fading and the signs of stores and other buildings began to flicker on confusing his sense of direction even more. He ran over to a nearby woman.
‘Which direction is the nearest EYE Centre?’ he blurted out at the woman. Taken aback by his abruptness she simply pointed down a side street and said ‘By the Eastern River’
Alex took off at a run again.
‘If the EYE Centre is that way, I’m going the opposite direction.’ He thought. His legs were already aching. If he didn’t find a centre soon the Gastly wouldn’t be the only one in need of medical attention he thought.
‘Finally!’ he sighed. A sign up ahead had a picture of a Pokeball with a red cross on it and an arrow pointing in the direction he was running. His feet pounded. His heart beat. His pulse raced.

The Pokemon Centre was a large white building with windows the full height of the sides and a bright red roof with a large Pokeball half situated on top. Almost all Pokemon Centres looked like this so Alex knew it when he saw it. He ran all the way inside, pausing only for a brief moment while he waited for the shimmering blue automatic doors to slowly open. He rushed over to the front desk and shouted at the nurse on hand
‘Please, it’s an emergency. This Gastly is seriously hurt.’ He handed over the Pokeball to the nurse who rushed away to the back of the Centre. Alex sighed
‘Hopefully it’ll be ok’ he thought. He turned round and noticed several trainers in the waiting area glaring over at him angrily for skipping the queue. He ignored them and took a seat in the corner closest to the door, next to a window. He looked around him. The Pokemon Centre was very large. At the opposite end of the room was the waiting area where several people, obviously trainers, sat around waiting for their turn to see the nurse. Several of them had their Pokemon at their sides. The largest of which was a Zangoose which Alex recognised by the lightning shaped red markings that littered its fur and caught the sunlight coming through the windows. He looked over to the corner furthest from the door. Several people were watching a Pokemon battle on a large screen TV. He recognised one of the Pokemon battling, a Swalot, which he knew because he always found its moustache hilarious. He allowed himself a small chuckle. He didn’t know the other pokemon though; it looked much like a Blastoise or Torkoal he thought, although obviously of the Grass type because of its green colour and large tree on its back. He couldn’t hear the announcer from the TV over the noise of the Centre, so he couldn’t find out its name.

The loudness of the lobby allowed Alex to drift off into his own thoughts. He barely heard the chatter of passing trainers and grunts or squawks of waiting Pokemon. He kept thinking of how he was going to get out of his situation. He wondered if he should go to the authorities or if they had EYE members there now too. He wondered if the Pokemon Centre was even a safe place to be.

‘Dude!’ The piercing shouting voice rang out above the rest of the noise bringing Alex back to his senses.
‘Can’t be.’ mumbled Alex as the owner of the voice appeared out of the crowd. ‘Linda?’ he exclaimed and stood up.

The girl forcefully pushed her way through a group of newly entered trainers, her long, brown hair flicking them annoyingly in the face. Her freckles stood out in the sunlight room and her button nose and blue eyes crinkled as she stepped out of the shadows. Her black creased t-shirt, emblazoned with some band called Mew, waved slightly as the door opened as yet more trainers came in. Her dark blue jeans had grass stains in places that went with the overall broken and worn state of her trousers. She was short. Shorter than Alex. She had always been short for her age. She was two years younger than Alex, but they had always been really close and really good friends because their parents had always been friends with one another and they had grown up together, making Linda one of Alex’s best and most trusted friends. The way Linda spoke, and often how she acted, would make any person who didn’t know her often think she was a guy, until they caught sight of her and saw how beautiful she really was, as well as her feminine features.

‘Dude, it is you.’ shouted Linda enthusiastically. ‘Never thought I’d see you here.’
‘Same here’ replied Alex. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Well you see that excuse for a Mareep you see over there? Well that thing is mine.’ she said proudly.
Alex looked in the direction she indicated and almost burst out laughing. There walking amongst the waiting Pokemon trainers was a Mareep with the most vacant expression, Pokemon or human, on its blue face Alex had ever seen all the while bumping into chair, table and trainer legs. Its small blue feet moving enthusiastically from under its yellow wool covered body. The bright yellow ball at the end of its tail striped with black flashing randomly. The fact that its ears looked like ear-muffs did nothing but enhance its look of vacancy.
‘Yeah it’s a bit stupid.’ she grinned
‘A bit?!’ said Alex stifling a laugh while looking over at the Mareep who was now stuck against a window and still moving its legs trying to walk, as if it didn’t even realise it wasn’t moving anywhere.
‘Come here Killer.’ shouted Linda. The Mareep turned to face them for a moment and appeared to be thinking, then started running towards them. It leapt into Linda outstretched arms and started to lick her face.
‘Killer?’ questioned Alex.
‘Well I had originally planned to catch a Rhydon or Magby or something as my first Pokemon, so I had the name already picked out. But then this little guy came along and kinda well, caught himself, he’s a bit stupid in case you didn’t notice. So that’s what he’s called. Who knows maybe the name will rub off on him’ Linda beamed happily.
‘Wow, you always wanted to become a trainer and now you finally are. That’s great, I’m so happy for you,’ said Alex. ‘And you too Killer’ he continued as he stroked the Mareep’s head, which then bleated contently.
‘What about you?’ asked Linda ‘What are you doing in a Pokemon Centre? I thought you didn’t want to become a trainer?’

Alex had always been great friends with Linda and had always valued her advice, even if she was a little younger than him, and so he sat back down in the corner and told her what had happened.
‘But what did you see in the EYE Centre?’ Asked Linda taken slightly taken aback.
‘Well it’s best you don’t know for now I think.’ he said to a hurt looking Linda. ‘It’s just that id rather not get you into any danger or trouble or anything. I know I can trust you, but now is not the time.’
‘Well I guess I understand, but I’m gonna find out sometime anyway, which is why I decided to help you out. Now that you have your own Pokemon your gonna need a bit of help, not only finding your way around the country, but also raising your Pokemon and looking after it. I might only be a rookie trainer but I know all sorts of things about the attacks and care of a Pokemon, and you never know I might come in handy’ Linda explained at such a fast pace Alex could barely keep up. He also knew that it was best not to argue with her and that with a friendly face to increase his morale and a helping hand he might stand a better chance at staying away from the EYE’s.
‘Well ill be sure to tell you someday then.’ he smiled.

Alex stretched. It had been a couple hours now.
‘Linda,’ he started, ‘think you could do me a favour?’
‘Sure, anything’ she replied.
‘Well I’m going to need some Pokemon supplies now, so do you think you could run over to the store and buy me some. You know what to buy better than me and I want to wait here until Gastly is better.’
‘Definitely’ said Linda as Alex handed her some money, his job as a journalist had paid well, especially with all the hype and commotion about the EYE Corporation.
‘I’ll meet you back here.’ he shouted after her as she left, returning Killer into its Pokeball before he hit the glass entrance door.

‘Alex?’
The nurse’s voice interrupted Alex, causing him to almost choke on his burger he was eating, as Linda stifled a laugh. She had returned a while ago with the supplies from the store. She had also bought him several Pokeball’s and an Ultra Ball each, which had become quite expensive, which had annoyed Alex slightly, but had let Linda off this time. Her excuse was that now that they were trainers they may need them to capture more Pokemon. Alex didn’t plan on capturing any more, but eventually caved in to the idea that more Pokemon might come in handy and so had forgiven her. She had also brought back lots of food with her, which Alex was very grateful for.
‘Yeah?’ mumbled Alex as he forced down the burger he was choking on.
‘Your Gastly has totally recovered now.’ the nurse said handing him back the same beaten Pokeball he had been carrying around for several years now.
‘Already? Wow that was fast. I’ll be sure to take it easy with him. Thanks.’ he said.
‘No need to take it easy,’ the nurse replied smiling ‘Gastly recover incredibly quickly when using gas treatment. It’s right back to full health. As if nothing happened.’
‘Really? Gas treatment eh? Thanks.’ he said as the nurse returned to the front desk.

A push from behind reminded Alex that Linda was still there.
‘Gas treatment helps restore the gas a Gastly is made of so it recovers really quickly back to full fighting health.’ Linda started ‘Encyclopaedia Pokemonia, extremely useful for learning about Pokemon.’
‘Oh really?’ smiled Alex ‘So you finally read it cover to cover. About the only thing you will read right?’
‘Well almost done, only about half left.’ replied Linda smiling back.
‘Great.’ said Alex. But I’m afraid now we really have to leave and if you insist on coming with me know that we won’t have time or a chance to go to any gyms to earn any badges.’
‘I know. I didn’t want to challenge them old farts anyway’ exclaimed Linda. ‘But I do want to challenge you before we go. And I won’t let you leave until we do.’
Alex knew better than to argue with her and so agreed.

They left the Pokemon Centre together. A man followed.

Alex and Linda reached the Battle Park. A park in the city solely for the purpose of Pokemon battles. Linda chucked a book at Alex.
‘Use that to learn about your Gastly.’ she said ‘I’ve memorised Mareep already.’
Alex looked down at the Pokemonia Encyclopaedia at his feet. He picked it up and flipped through to Gastly’s pages.
‘Hypnosis and Lick.’ he muttered ‘Spite, Mean look and Curse are also attacks a Gastly can use. At least I’ve seen them being used before so i have an idea.’ He looked up at Linda who was trying to stop Killer chasing its tail which kept lighting up and exciting the little Mareep.
‘How many times have you battled before?’ he shouted over to her.
‘Er…only once, earlier today. We were beaten, that’s why we were in the Pokemon Centre. In case you haven’t noticed Killer doesn’t exactly concentrate well.’ she shouted back slightly embarrassed.
‘Hmmm, well I could get lucky.’ he thought to himself. He took out his Pokeball and released his Gastly. The Gastly looked momentarily surprised then focused on Alex.
‘I know we didn’t get off to the best start, but I saved your life, that’s got to count for something.’ Alex said to the Gastly. It didn’t move.
‘But I hope we can work well together and get back at Malocchio one day, he was the guy who was attacking you.’ The Gastly nodded in approval.
‘Well at least we have something in common.’ he sighed ‘Maybe this will work out.’
‘You ready Alex? Killer, tackle.’ Alex looked up to see Killer loping towards Gastly, its tongue hanging out of its mouth. Alex thought for a brief moment before shouting
‘Hold still Gastly, then when it’s ran past you use a Lick attack.’ Gastly nodded and floated in the air, Killer ran steadily right through its body. The Gastly then swooped above Killer and unfurled a long tongue from its mouth licking Killer along its back momentarily before flying backwards in pain.
‘Looks like you do know something about battling.’ shouted Linda.
‘All those years of watching TV were good for something.’ Alex shouted back.
‘You would be much better if you would have studied a bit though, you didn’t know that physical attacks on a Mareep will almost always end up paralysing the attacker.’ laughed Linda.
‘Yeah well I had better things to do with my life than read about Pokemon all day’ jeered Alex jokingly. He looked over at his Gastly. It was the most stubborn thing he had ever seen, it was flying around above Killer waiting for an order even though it was paralysed and hard to manoeuvre.
‘This could actually work.’ thought Alex

Hidden from view, he watched from behind a tree.

Soon.

* * * *

Still no more comments <sigh>, oh well maybe one day...at least i had my one star at a point :) And hell I enjoy writing this so im going to continue even if no one gives me any support or feedback :) This chapter came together pretty well. Basically it serves as a chapter to introduce another character. Thought i would put half of the beginners battle at the end of this chapter and finish it off in the beginning of the next.
 
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PDL

disenchanted
Well, I finally got around to read your fic. :)

I definately like your characters, they're quite a bit more realistic in terms of skill. Instead of the countless number of fic trainers who are merely trainers for the glory, your characters are trainers because there's an evil that must be stopped. Although it's a tad cliché to have another evil team-like organization, the EYE is unique because it's very name suggests a big brother sort of control.

As for the intros in each chapter, is the guy at the gravesite and Malocchio one in the same? Either way, it's quite mysterious.

The best part though is the description, though somewhat standard, they tend to give the fic justice, especially when it comes to the very act of breathing.

Hope this review actually makes some sense, keep it up.
 

you

Barbed
Thanks im glad you enjoyed it. Hmmm i actually never thought of the EYE Corporation as "another team" before you mentioned it. But since you did I guess they can be considered another team. Although I definatly wont be going the usual same old route with them. Thanks for taking the time to read this and for your input. Hopefully you will stop by occasionally to read further chapters, which are on their way.
 

roo

Well-Known Member
wow very detailed fic though I am quite picky on detail for this I can overlook because the detail blends in with the story itself. Lots of improvement from the prologue in the prologue there were many mistakes that was not noticeable unless you proof read it several times. But thats done and done. I dont quite remember if there was anything worth mentioning about your fic except on the fact that why is it so quietly hidden? I'm sure it will get around and glad to know you are still gonna post more chapters even though there aren't as many replies. Anyways I love the story and the development of the plots along with the characters. It gives it the tone of suspense and forces you to read wanting to keep going till you go and end it without warning.....darn you. Anyways I am looking forward to what you have in store.

~roo~
 

you

Barbed
Thanks for taking the time to review this. Im glad you liked it. As for why it hasnt been picked up yet by more readers, who knows...maybe because theyre not battling gyms, or because the main characters are older than usual. Perhaps good things come to those who wait? Either way im going to continue with this fic, so thanks for your support.
 

you

Barbed
Thanks! It should hopefully be done by the end of next week at the latest. Im a little busy with christmas and stuff so we shall see how it goes. But in a few days i think.
 

Bay

YEAHHHHHHH
Hello you! Review as requested! Sorry this is a little late. Been very busy. ^^;;; Okay, first off, prologue and chapter one.

PROLOGUE AND CHAPTER ONE

Okay, I will say that so far this story is quite interesting. So we have here an organization trying to get Alex ey? I can’t wait to see how this goes. Also, I will say that the name EYE gets bonus points! Beware of the EYE! XD

Hm…now this makes me wonder what EYE is up to. I will take a wild guess that it has to do with making Pokemon ruthlessly strong. XD Also, I don’t know if you are going for this, but this left me to think that Alex’s sister’s death and her poems will have some sort of importance to this story.

I think the only thing you should work on is the battles. I would like to see more emotional description on the Pokemon. What I mean by that is I want to know how the Pokemon feel after it is being attacked. For instance,

‘Hah.’ Malocchio snorted ‘Stubborn isn’t it, Wigglytuff another Shadow Ball.’ The Wigglytuff started to quickly charge up another Shadow Ball, while the Gastly’s eyes started to glow bright blue. Alex looked on amazed, one hand still in his bag. Malocchio and his men fell to the floor. They were asleep.

To me, you just do this: Pokemon A attack Pokemon B with a (insert attack here), but then Pokemon B attack Pokemon A with (insert attack here). I would like to see more of what sort of feelings Gastly and Wifflytuff had. For instance, you can put how Gastly is not worried one bit about that Shadow Ball and already knew what attack it wanted to use.

Well, this is an interesting fic I will keep an EYE on. (Sorry for the lame pun. ^O^;;; ).

CHAPTER TWO

I quite liked Linda. She may be smart, but a tomboy also! Usually I see girls that are smart and also girly. XD I like Killer also. It's good that you gave it a personality (dumb but sweet XD). Also, starting to like Alex a little more. Hehe, sometimes you can learn things from TV!

I think the only thing that you should work on a little more is the battles (already gave up tips on the prologue/chapter one review on how to make the battles better) and also maybe put a little more personality on Gastly. Maybe do that when you do the battle on the third chapter.

Also, I think this story could be more readable if you leave spaces after a paragaraph. For example, :

A push from behind reminded Alex that Linda was still there.
‘Gas treatment helps restore the gas a Gastly is made of so it recovers really quickly back to full fighting health.’ Linda started ‘Encyclopaedia Pokemonia, extremely useful for learning about Pokemon.’
‘Oh really?’ smiled Alex ‘So you finally read it cover to cover. About the only thing you will read right?’
‘Well almost done, only about half left.’ replied Linda smiling back.
‘Great.’ said Alex. But I’m afraid now we really have to leave and if you insist on coming with me know that we won’t have time or a chance to go to any gyms to earn any badges.’
‘I know. I didn’t to challenge them old farts anyway’ exclaimed Linda. ‘But I do want to challenge you before we go. And I won’t let you leave until we do.’
Alex knew better than to argue with her and so agreed.

Spacing out like this will make the fic somewhat more readable:
A push from behind reminded Alex that Linda was still there.

‘Gas treatment helps restore the gas a Gastly is made of so it recovers really quickly back to full fighting health.’ Linda started ‘Encyclopaedia Pokemonia, extremely useful for learning about Pokemon.’

‘Oh really?’ smiled Alex ‘So you finally read it cover to cover. About the only thing you will read right?’

‘Well almost done, only about half left.’ replied Linda smiling back.

‘Great.’ said Alex. But I’m afraid now we really have to leave and if you insist on coming with me know that we won’t have time or a chance to go to any gyms to earn any badges.’

‘I know. I didn’t to challenge them old farts anyway’ exclaimed Linda. ‘But I do want to challenge you before we go. And I won’t let you leave until we do.’

Alex knew better than to argue with her and so agreed.

Well, good luck on the next chapter!
 

you

Barbed
Okay, I will say that so far this story is quite interesting. So we have here an organization trying to get Alex ey? I can’t wait to see how this goes. Also, I will say that the name EYE gets bonus points! Beware of the EYE! XD

Glad you like the story, hopefully it will get even more interesting. Hmmm maybe i can earn some more bonus points here. Malocchio is actually an acronym (right word and spelling?) for "evil eye". I thought it would make a good name for him.

Hm…now this makes me wonder what EYE is up to. I will take a wild guess that it has to do with making Pokemon ruthlessly strong. XD Also, I don’t know if you are going for this, but this left me to think that Alex’s sister’s death and her poems will have some sort of importance to this story.

Hopefully i wont be giving away too much saying this. But the poem will come into play later in the story and actually if you simply look at it, it might say something...

I think the only thing you should work on is the battles. I would like to see more emotional description on the Pokemon. What I mean by that is I want to know how the Pokemon feel after it is being attacked.

To me, you just do this: Pokemon A attack Pokemon B with a (insert attack here), but then Pokemon B attack Pokemon A with (insert attack here). I would like to see more of what sort of feelings Gastly and Wifflytuff had. For instance, you can put how Gastly is not worried one bit about that Shadow Ball and already knew what attack it wanted to use.

Yes i admit my battles need a bit of work, but you have to work at things to make them better so ill definatly be trying to improve using your advice. Although since the story is focusing on Alex, does it make sense to talk about how the Pokemon are feeling? Unless its Alex thinking that the Pokemon are not worried etc.

In otherwords which would make more sense:

A.
'Ah, so I see you caught yourself a pokemon. Nevertheless it’s a minor detail. Wigglytuff Shadow Ball.’ laughed Malocchio. The Wigglytuff started to create a black ball of energy between its forelimbs. The Wigglytuff, was slightly offended that its master had sent him out to deal with such a pthetic Pokemon, he knew this wouldn't last long and so focused all of its power into the Shadowball. The Gastly, however was not worried about the Shadowball in the slightest, it knew what it wanted to do and so started moving to the left and disappeared.

or B:
‘Ah, so I see you caught yourself a pokemon. Nevertheless it’s a minor detail. Wigglytuff Shadow Ball.’ laughed Malocchio. The Wigglytuff started to create a black ball of energy between its forelimbs. Alex could see the Wigglytuff was focused purely on the Gastly, he could have thrown any of the fist sized rocks in the surrounding undergrowth at it without it flinching. He looked over to the Gastly, it seemed to know exactly what it wanted to do, as if it had planned this battle all along and so started moving to the left and disappeared.

I personally think style B would suit my stories style better, but according to you i should use style A. Or maybe you meant to simply describe how they could feel? Either way which style, A or B, do you think would be better.

Also, I think this story could be more readable if you leave spaces after a paragaraph. For example, :

Hmmm i was always taught to start a new line when someone new starts a sentence, but of course i could be wrong, and if its easier to read far enough. I was actually looking for a way to seperate that last big block up but couldnt figure anything out as I thought it should still be the same paragragh. But Ill seperate them, have to do it a bit later though as i have to leave in a couple minutes...

Thanks for the comments and advice, I'll definatly take them to heart and use them as I strive to make my fic better. I'll keep working on my battle scenes and if you could come back with some more advice, or simple to say if you are enjoying my fic, or if my battle scenes have improved, then id be very grateful.

Hopefully the next chapter will be up by the end of the weekend, but cant promise. The latest mid next week.
 
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