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Review on a new chapter for my fic

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Stoc15

Leon is Pro!
I can't find the so called "Betas" Thread, so I'm gonna see if you guys like this chapter I'm gonna put in my fic. Here it goes:
REMEMBER THE NAME!: THE REVISED JOURNEY FIC RATED PG
Chapter 2
An Average Day in a Trainer’s Life
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“Beldum, attack it with Take Down!” John yelled to his seemingly faithful partner Beldum, a metallic Pokemon that he got from Professor Cal about an hour ago. “This’ll be my first catch!”

“Chiircheep!” The bird like Pokemon John and Beldum were facing squawked. SHHHH! The bird attacked Beldum’s shell, but to no effect. It was sent back to the ground after it hit the shell.

“I hope this works. Poke Ball… go!” John yelled at the bird Pokemon as he threw the red ball with a white bottom at it. WOWOWO… WOWOWO….WOOO. The bird pokemon was caught! “Oh yeah! First Pokemon caught! Better add its Poke Card.” He returned Beldum into its Poke Ball.

John grabbed the card that said “Chircheep” and slid it through the slide-in cart on the Pokedex. “BZZZZT. DATA LOADING…. Chircheep, the vulture Pokemon. It roams the early areas of Geaorre, but is still strong none to less. It is the evolved form of Chirchep, a similar kind of name and Pokemon,” The Pokedex said.

“Hey, kid,” A voice said. “Want to battle?”

“Sure. 1-1, only 1 Pokemon each?” John responded to the boy.

“Ok. Chirchep, prepare for the battle!” The boy yelled as he released a flash of light from his Poke Ball and a Vulture like Pokemon came out, with black tipped wings, a white beak and pronged claws for toenails. Chircheep looked like this too, just a bigger version.

“Prepare for victory, Beldum!” Beldum reappeared from its Poke Ball in another flash of light. It’s gleaming red eye drooped down meaning it was bummed out that it had to fight another battle.

“Chirchep, fly in the sky and get ready for Aerial Ace!” The boy said to his Chirchep. It flew into the sky and then when it was high enough, its beak glew white signaling it was ready for Aerial Ace.

“Beldum, get ready for a Take Down on Chirchep!” John commanded Beldum. Beldum was backing up and ready for the impact.

FWOOSH! Chirchep and Beldum were getting ready for a collision with their attacks just inches away from each other… “Beldum, turn to the right!” John yelled to Beldum. Beldum turned to the right with its Take Down.

“You cheapskate!” The boy said to John in fury as Chirchep’s beak got stuck in the ground.

“Beldum, hit from the side with Take Down!” BAM! Beldum did what it was told and hit Chirchep with a powerful impact that hit right into a tree and also into unconscious.

“Your good, fellow trainer. Now tell me this: How did you know that to gain the upperhand, you have to avoid and then strike?” The boy asked John.

“Well….I just found it in the Competitive Battling Guide, page 6,” John responded.

FLASHBACK
“Hmmm… Let’s try and find something in the Competitive Battling Guide that is useful,” John said to himself. “Oh! This looks helpful. It says “When in a situation say if your opponent is coming in for an impact, it is helpful to make opponent think you are coming in for an impact as well, and when you are inches away from the opposing trainer’s Pokemon, curve to another area and let the Pokemon hit something, then attack while it’s stuck in something”.”
END FLASHBACK

“…So I just used that advice to help me beat you. Do you get it?” John said to the boy after he explained what he read in the Competitive Battling Guide.

“Yeah, I get it. I will use your tactic to beat future enemies. Thanks!” The boy said as he started walking off with his Chirchep in hand.

“You’re welcome,” John yelled back to the boy.

A little while later, John found a trainer wearing a hat and a Pikachu on his shoulder. He asked for a battle. The rules were 1-1 with 2 Pokemon. This is what went down.

“Pikachu, use Thunder Bolt on his Chircheep!” The boy commanded his Pikachu. The Pikachu shocked John’s Chircheep silly until it fainted, which was shortly after the attack.

“Return, Chircheep!” A flash of light that was red grabbed Chircheep back into its Poke Ball. “Heh heh,” John laughed.

“What’s so funny?” The boy asked.

This. Prepare for victory, Beldum!” A flash of white light burst into the area as the metallic Pokemon emerged from its Poke Ball.

“Ok, Pikachu. Get ready,” The boy said to his Pikachu. “Pika,” The Pikachu responded to the boy.

“Beldum, get yourself ready for a Take Down!” John commanded Beldum. Beldum pushed back for the Take Down.

“Pikachu, go in for a Volt Tackle!” The boy said to his Pikachu.

Volt Tackle and Take Down were about to meet, and telling by the look on John’s face it didn’t look like he was going to avoid it, he thought he was going to beat the Pikachu. His fatal error, might you ask? He was facing the mighty Satoshi (Ash Ketchum is a retarded name). Anything could happen. And what happened is that he lost.

“How could I…No John, don’t be an arrogant punk like Tim. Remember what Professor Cal said,” John was saying to himself with Beldum in hand.

FLASHBACK
“Don’t think you can win every battle. That is the trainer’s common weakness.”
END FLASHBACK

“You did good, trainer,” Satoshi said to John. “I hope if we can fight again, you beat me.”

“I’m hoping that’ll happen too,” John said to Satoshi.

After that conversation, John and Satoshi went their ways, and promised each other they’d meet another day for a battle.

To Be Continued………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
Next Time on Remember the Name!
John is meeting a new companion, I hear? Yep, and I think it might be a girl. A girl you say? Yeah, that’s what I heard. John better let how to interact with his future girlfriend, eh? Oh, you better stop that. If he finds out you said that we’re dead!

Chapter 3:
A New Companion?!

So tell me how you think it is! See ya.
 

Dragonfree

Just me
This is not allowed.
 
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