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Ricky's Journey "Johto Beginnings"

coolcobra77

Your Worst Nightmare
CREATED BY : Coolcobra77, and Hoenn Warrior
Editors: Ranger Registeel and Jonouchi
Rated : Pg-13, for near death experiences, suggestive themes, and other bad behavior
Warning: pokemon MAY learn things that are impossible in the games, magna, or anime

Please try to post your reviews are always welcome!

Chapter 1: New Bark Town
Chapter 2: To Cherrygrove and beyond
Chapter 3:Fire and Wings Showdown with Falkner: Part 1
Chapter 3:Fire and Wings Showdown with Falkner: Part 2
Chapter 4: Conquering Bellsprout tower part 1
Chapter 4: Conquering Bellsprout tower part 2
Chapter 5: Falkner's last flight
Chapter 6: Attack of the Unown
Chapter 7: Dark caves and water ways
Chapter 8: Buggy Bugsy
Chapter 9: The Reaper's swarm
Chapter 10: Casino capture
Chapter 11: Whitney's wipeout, battle for the Plain badge

Jessica:part 1: The Awakening
Jessica:part 2: Vs Morty

Chapter 12:part 1:Ricky vs Blake, brotherly battle
Chapter 12:part 2: Ricky vs Blake, brotherly battle
Chapter 13: Howling Horrors
Chapter 14: Ghost in the fog, battle of the Fog badge
Chapter 15: Dance in the dark
Chapter 16: Tauros Tackling
Chapter 17: Milktank vs Tauros
Chapter 18: Metal Valley
Chapter 19: Pirate of the seas, vs Tentacruel
Chapter 20: Double Battle, vs Chuck for the Storm badge
Chapter 21: Ascending the Lighthouse
Chapter 22: Flaming Steel, battle for the Mineral badge
Chapter 23: Team Rocket's Revenge, attack of the rogue Dragonite
Chapter 24: Tyranitar Troubles
Chapter 25: Fight Master, battle for Tyrogue
Chapter 26: Journey to Lake of Rage
Chapter 27: Lake of Rage competition
Chapter 28: Murkrows of Mahogany
Chapter 29: Icey Prycye, frozen battle for the Glacier badge
Chapter 30: Depths of the Ice Cave
Chapter 31: Dragon Master, earning the right to fight
Chapter 31: Duel of the Dragons
Chapter 32: Mountain climbing
Chapter 33: Battle back home
Chapter 34: Silver Confrence:part I: Preliminaries












Chapter 1: New Bark Town

Chapter 1 : New Bark Town

The ancient Johto city Ecruteak laid in ruins. Flames danced around buildings as they crumbled, and people screamed in the streets as they ran in fear. This was true chaos, the sky was a raven black and the ground was swept in fire and ashes. In the raven black sky there were only four figures. The golden phoenix Ho-oh and the silver bird Lugia danced in the sky, on their back were two teenagers. One wearing a golden jacket, a blue shirt and finally blue denim jeans. The other wore a black cape, a black shirt with two vertical blue stripes, and finally black jeans.

“Ho-oh use sacred fire.” A boy with light red hair and the golden jacket ordered to the phoenix he was riding on. An orange blaze erupted from Ho-oh’s lips and engulfed the silver bird Lugia.

“Lugia try an aeroblast.” A boy with spiked black hair and black cape called to his legendary. With one flap of its large wings the sacred fire disappeared. Lugia took a deep breathe and an orange ball of pure energy fired at Ho-oh.

“Ho-oh dodge it.” The red haired boy called to Ho-oh. Ho-oh flew into higher altitude in an attempt to escape Lugia.

“Follow it quickly.” The boy with black hair called to his silver pokemon. Lugia immediately climbed into the air after the golden phoenix.

“Now Lugia blow it out of the sky with ancient power!” Yelled the boy with spiked black hair. Lugia;s and the boy’s eyes turned silver at once and a silver beam erupted from Lugia’s mouth. Ho-oh turned his head to see of Lugia was following but instead was struck by the ancient power.

“Counter it with our ancient power.” Ho-oh’s child spat. Ho-oh and the boy’s eyes glowed a deep gold and a golden beam of energy roared at Lugia.

“Blow it away with aeroblast.” Lugia’s child ordered. Lugia inhaled and another orange ball of coursing energy blazed its way at the phoenix. The two attacks met and the ancient power ripped through the aeroblast like tissue paper. The attack continued and ripped its way into Lugia’s blue chest.

“Now finish it, hyper beam.” The boy yelled at Lugia. Lugia unleashed a beam of pure destruction at Ho-oh.

“Dive quickly to dodge it.” The boy on Ho-oh’s back exclaimed. Ho-oh went into a steep dive narrowly dodging the beam as Lugia tried to follow it. The hyper beam missed its mark and instead continued down through the Tin tower, splitting it in two halves.

“Now try sacred fire again!” The red haired boy screamed. Ho-oh unleashed another flame that engulfed Lugia again and this time couldn't be extinguished as easily. Lugia roared in pain as the flames ripped at his flesh.

“Put out the flames with hydro pump!” The black haired boy exclaimed as he covered hi face with his cape. A terrible burst of water broke through the sacred fire and struck Ho-oh. The boy on its back almost lost balance.

“Now fly above them and finish it with aeroblast!” The black haired boy ordered with the final blow being struck in this battle of legendaries. Lugia climbed over Ho-oh and inhaled deeply, an enormous ball of coursing energy erupted from Lugia’s mouth and exploded on impact with Ho-oh’s feathers. The red haired boy was thrown off Ho-oh’s back and plummeted to Earth. The boy closed his eyes and thought of the death and destruction came to mind. Team Rocket would finally rule the world and it would all be...

A boy with light red hair jutted up from his bed, sweat beat down his face as he sat on his bed.

“Another dream.” He said calmly to himself. “Right... it was only a dream, that would never happen in real life.” He kept repeating to himself.

Finally he rested his head back on his green pillow and slipped back to the world of sleep.


“A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step” Ricky kept muttering to himself.

Ricky has known this phrase since his Mother told his older brother Blake did 3 years ago, when he started his Pokemon journey. Now at 13 Ricky was ready to start his own journey and be as great as his older brother Blake, no better than his older brother. Ricky wore a shimmering golden jacket with a blue tee- shirt underneath and blue jeans that blew in fiercely in the wind. His wild red hair flipped and twirled in the wind. From a distance it would look like a small out of control fire that could quickly consume anything in its path. The same intense look could be seen in his red eyes. He also sported blue and gold running shoes for his journey ahead.


Ricky started to run being the excited boy as he is; he could never be patient for anything. He darted back and forth on his doorstep awaiting for his mother to come by and give him his backpack with the essential items that he would need for his journey, such as food, blankets and a change of clothes along with some soap for washing. His mother soon came through the door. As her son, her hair had the same red color that darted around in the wind. She appeared to be in her early thirties and was wearing long green shorts and a long sleeved shirt. With a look of worry in her eyes she handed her son his bag and embraced him in one last hug.

“You be careful on your journey here in Johto. This may be your home region, but don’t get too carried away and end up doing stupid reasons like jumping off of bridges to save some crazy girl!” she said with great emphasis.

“Mom just like in the baby commercials, IM A BIG BOY NOW, and I can handle any challenge that comes my way. If I get knocked down I’ll just get right back up and try again. And who knows. I may end up jumping off a bridge to save someone!” replied Ricky.

“Well I’m off to Professor’s Elms to get my starter Pokemon. Take care and don’t worry too much about me.” Said Ricky as he dashed off towards the Professor’s lab to get his starter.

New Bark Town was small and quiet about a couple of dozens of houses and the laboratory, which was surrounded by trees and mountains. He soon came close to the lab which was white and quite large since it housed a wide arrange of Pokemon that the Professor studied and took care for the other trainers around Johto and the other regions. Ricky soon approached the doors and blasted right on in. He came to the center of the lab where a assortment of computers lay that had a wide array of statistics of Pokemon from Charizard, to Beedril. Soon, Ricky saw the Professor in his white lab coat reviewing some sort of notes. He quickly noticed Ricky who was smiling with glee to start his journey. The Professor simply shook his head and murmured “Just like every beginning trainer.”

“Well it seems your anxious to get your show on the road eh Ricky?” said the Professor with a smile on his face.

“You bet I am. I have been waiting so long to get my starter Pokemon and compete with Blake in the league when he left 3 years ago, and here I am, all set to start my journey!” exclaimed a very excited Ricky.

The Professor eyed him from top to bottom and seen this exact look before on Christmas day when a young child runs down stairs to see what Santa has brought them.

“Well please let me find the Pokemon before you even start.” Elm nervously sputtered.

Professor Elm started to look around the room frantically dashing and scattering papers around the room while Ricky did notice something jingling in his the right pocket of his white lab coat.

“ Professor?” Ricky chuckled

“ Yes, yes what is it, I’m trying to find the Pokeballs!” The Professor asked while looking through large stacks of papers.

“ Try your back pocket... I think they’re in there” Ricky said feeling smart.

“Oh yes, uh sorry about that... “ Professor Elm sighed as he threw 2 poke balls in the air and they released two Pokemon, one being a Fire Mouse Pokemon with the top half of its body being covered in navy blue and four small orange spots that gave off some heat while the bottom half of the Pokemon was cream colored. This Pokemon was a Cyndaquil. The other Pokemon was a blue reptilian creature with huge jaws and a cream “V” shape on its chest and its back and tail had small red spikes. This Pokemon was Totodile.

“ I wonder which one I’ll choose?” Ricky wondered out loud. “They both look healthy and strong, but where is Chikorita?” Ricky asked out loud.

“Jessica came along this morning before you and took Chikorita.” The Professor answered.

“I see, well that doesn’t really matter since I didn’t plan on choosing Chikorita, but Cyndaquil.” Responded Ricky, and as soon as he said these words Cyndaquil jumped into his arms.

“Well it seems Cyndaquil is happy to be traveling with you Ricky.” The Professor exclaimed. “But before you leave take these 5 Pokeballs and this Pokedex. As you may be aware of the Pokedex is like an encyclopedia that has data on all the Pokemon. Just point whenever you see a Pokemon and the data of that Pokemon will come up.” Said the Professor. “And make sure you don’t lose this you only get one and it has all your data stored on it stating you are an official Pokemon Trainer.”

“Don’t worry Professor Elm, I’m gonna guard this, my Pokemon, and my badges with all I have.” Replied Ricky.

“Good, now you can take your leave from New Bark Town and begin your journey.”

“Thanks. At last I can leave, let’s head on out Cyndaquil!” exclaimed Ricky. As he rushed on out to Route 29 that lead him to Cherrygrove City, he heard a voice screaming in the back.

“YOUR LEAVING WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE!” came from behind him. He soon saw a giant dust cloud approaching him, and he knew it could only be one person... his mother.

“I can’t believe my only son is just going to leave without saying goodbye to his own mother!” his mother said with rage.

“Come on mom you know I’m anxious to head on out.” Ricky chirped, as he looked at the rage in his mother’s red eyes.

“ I can’t blame you your just like your brother Blake. I see you choose a cute little starter Pokemon.” His mother said with a nicer tone than before.

“As you can see I chose Cyndaquil, and he will be by my side from here on out.”

“Well, you should give him a nickname to show he is different from the other Pokemon.” His mother said.

“Well let’s see what should be your name hmmmmmmm.” Ricky pondered long and hard for about 30 seconds on what he should call his new companion. “How about Volcana?”
Cyndaquil jumped for joy as she heard her new name.

“Now its time to leave lets go Volcanic, and take care mom, I’ll be just fine.” Exclaimed a eager Ricky as he and Volcana the Cyndaquil sprinted down into the woods of Route 29 where the Pidgey where chirping, the sweet smell of flowers mixed with the long grass to make one unusual scent. Right behind him he left his hometown to grow and expand his horizon of the world.

“He better not come home crying if he gets a splinter.” His mother has said as she walked on home to cook dinner.
 
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lazyslothboy

the pwner of worlds
To be honest, I don't really like OT fics very much as the majority are far too predictable. As long as you do something that is really out there and maybe completely derails him from the whole "lets be a pokemon master" thing, it is okay.
 

coolcobra77

Your Worst Nightmare
it's not about being a pokemon Master... it's not your run of the mill story believe me... and the first chapter is always the worst, cause you got to get all the character's out and describe em well

as they continue they get better
 

Chaos Rush

Well-Known Member
Hm...I am making a fic like yours (the banner in my sig.), but what about the part of: Mr. Pokemon, Meet red haired Rival, getting Pokedex from Oak, not Elm...

Anyways, I will remake/update my fic, because something happened to the laptop I was making my fic on...your chapter could have been longer...

You are good, but make your chapters longer...
 

coolcobra77

Your Worst Nightmare
thanks for the comment a few things though

- I don't want it to be exactly like the game then what's the point of writing it?

- The next chapters are longer... especially the next one

- My "Rival" will yet to be revealed straight out, but you can guess who it is from the first chapter.
 

mewfanforlife

Well-Known Member
Ricky has known this phrase since his Mother told his older brother Blake did 3 years ago, when he started his Pokemon journey.


It's not bad, but there are some errors like the one bolded above. I'll continuet to read this when I'm in the fic section.(and I messed up quoting you sorry)
 

Chaos Rush

Well-Known Member
But did you see my story? And also, how did you have so much more posts than me, when you joined in the same month!?
 

coolcobra77

Your Worst Nightmare
ok thanks again for comments, chapter 2 should be done with my partner soon

Lugia- I spend a good deal of time here, becuase it's a really fun place, and I have made 3 succesfull threads. That's where I got a majority of post.

Mew- Thanks for that I'll change it
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
coolcobra77 said:
it's not about being a pokemon Master... it's not your run of the mill story believe me... and the first chapter is always the worst, cause you got to get all the character's out and describe em well

as they continue they get better

That is the lamest excuse I have seen for a crappy first chapter. Just because it's the first, doesn't mean it's the worst. Have you seen my latest fics prologue? And hell I think it could have been longer... anyways. That is a sorry excuse.

Overall, I see a blah trainer fic. I don't see much in the way of originality, character depth or plot depth :/ just because it's not an 'oh I am going to become a master' doesn't mean it's original. Like take an old fic of mine. Trainer fic- yep. Not trying to be a pokemon master. She was trying to be a master of dragons- only she wouldn't have dragon pokemon untill she was recognized as a 'master' by Lance. And that wasn't even the full plot. There was an abundance of sub plots.

Which your fic so far, seemingly lacks :/ it's just a two d little thing, that is starting out much like other two d little things. That don't really hold much of a spark of originality or life that good OT fics hold.
 

coolcobra77

Your Worst Nightmare
Thanks for your... helpful comment

They will get longer, and better as they go on.

but at least I followed the rules this time and made it over 1 page long.
 

Tale

Well-Known Member
But did you see my story? And also, how did you have so much more posts than me, when you joined in the same month!?

This isn't a place to advertise for one thing, I'd advise not mentioning your story in your next post, as this thread is for comments realting to coolcobra's story. Second, not only does the fact that he's got more posts than you matter, but there are countless possibilities as to why this is so. For example, you contributed to the thread an hour after coolcobra posted, which would have bumped the thread to the top of the screen. Don't moan about that stuff, please.

The story itself was pretty good, a little unoriginal, but so is every beginning of an OT usually. Love the name Volcana, by the way, very nice.

I think this is one that stands out from the others, CC, make sure you continue it and take in all the advice offered. If you recieve a harsh revdiew, ignore the bad points, take in the advice and thank the person for it. It will make anyone who decides to get snappy think better of the way you write.

Good luck.
 

coolcobra77

Your Worst Nightmare
yeah exactly.. maybe I should put that in bold ..

its kinda liek this if you need more in-depth explanation

It's like a house

I build the frame and the basic plot line and stuff like that usch as pokemon teams for other trainers.

Then he builds the walls and describes also putting his spin on things

os it's a joint -production
 

coolcobra77

Your Worst Nightmare
Chapter 2 : To Cherrygrove and Beyond

Just as Ricky climbed the hill he was faced with route 29’s lush forest filled with dark green Evergreen trees, and lush yellow green grass. There were small flower patches here and there. He could hear the sounds of Pidgey chirping. He even noticed a few Hoothoots hiding in their holes in the trees to escape the bright sun until nightfall came around and they would be most active.

He soon decided to check his customized Black Pokenav to see how much further it was to Cherrygrove, but realized that he didn’t charge it before he left out. Luckily for him there was a small rest stop not too fat ahead and decided to get some directions there. As he entered a large bulky guardsman with blue clothes was standing there looking very intimidating.

“Excuse me sir, but do you know how much further it is to Cherrygrove City?” asked a very nervous Ricky in fear that the guard may snatch him.

“This rest stop marks the half way point from Newbark to Cherrygrove, but be careful there are numerous of wild Pokemon out there.” Replied the guardsman in a deep voice.

“Thanks a lot!” Ricky replied as he dashed off hoping to make it to the City quickly. Knowing that his destination wasn’t out of reach he made great haste to make it to Cherrygrove, but many hills that he needed to jump and climb off of to get there, the only problem was that some of these hills were just too big for him to climb without a boost from some log or rock. As he approached a hill there was a decent sized rock that enabled him to reach the top of the hill. As he stepped on the rock, the rock quickly moved and rolled right from under Ricky.

“What the...?” Ricky said looking puzzled at what just happened.

The rock revealed itself as a Geodude, a Pokemon shaped like a rock with two hands and no feet. This Geodude had quite a temper and started to cry out loud due to some one tried to use him as a stepping-stone.

“Oh shoot, I need your help Volcana come on out!” hollered Ricky, as he stared straight into the eyes of his foe Geodude. His companion Volcana burst on out in a blast of white light and took the form of the small hunched back mouse.

“Volcana take down Geodude with Tackle!” Ricky screamed this attack from the top of his lungs and almost immediately Volcana dashed on forward making contact but ricochet right on off of the hard rock exterior. Volcana rubbed her head vigorously as the Tackle damaged her and not her enemy.

“Watch out Volcana!” Ricky screamed in horror as he saw his companion taken down by a powerful Tackle attack from Geodude. “Can you get up and continue the battle?” asked a worried Ricky who looked with horror to see his only Pokemon taken down. Luckily Volcana was able to stand on her feet but were shaking violently due to she hadn’t recovered from the previous attack from Geodude.

<GEOOOOOODUUUUDE!> This was an obvious battle cry that had attracted the attention of both Volcana and Ricky as they saw Geodude coming in for another Tackle attack.

“You gotta get out of there NOW!” Ricky’s orders were dead on as Volcana shifted to the left to avoid the incoming blow. Too bad for Geodude that it had to crash straight into the hillside. “Now is my chance to capture this Pokemon and end this battle.” Ricky proceeded to remove an empty Pokeball from his belt around the waist and enlarge it in his hand to its full size.

“POKEBALL GO!” Ricky hollered as he dashed the red and white orb from his hand towards the trapped Pokemon in the Mountainside. The orb proceeded to open up as it made contact with the Pokemon and suck it in with a white energy. The ball quickly shut as the Pokemon was contained. It violently shook for a few seconds showing that this Pokemon had fight left but in the end the familiar PING noise was heard signifying the capture of the Pokemon.

“Too close for comfort. I nearly got Volcana knocked out, and this isn’t a capture I should be too proud of.” Mumbled Ricky, as he was disappointed at the lack of skill he thought he had.

He quickly scooped up his new Pokemon and Volcana and dashed on ward to Cherrygrove City in hopes not to step on any more Pokemon or to be attacked. He soon came upon the gates of Cherrygrove City but was greeted by a strange old man who had dragged him inside explaining all the different buildings such as the Pokemon Center/Mart, etc.

I know what all this is ... I may be a rookie but I'm not stupid!" screamed Ricky as he broke free of the old mans grip.

"Fine then ... all I do is offer some advice. And you scream at me, some person you are!" The Man murmured.

"I'm sorry you just annoyed me..." Ricky said feeling guilty.

"Ha just kidding you Rookie looks like you don't know everything after all ha ha" The Man blurted out in laughter.

"When I'm done with you we'll see..." Then Ricky was cut off by the old man and given a free potion.

"Ha take it and calm down bye" and the man ran off as quickly as he appeared.


Ricky then went over to the Pokemon Center and got his Pokemon healed. Ricky then thought to himself even though Geodude is a strong Pokemon he would rather spend more time with his Volcana before adding more Pokemon to his group, and with that he placed Geodude in his Computer P.C., but made a mental note to come and get him as soon as he was ready to get some more Pokemon.

Ricky stared before Route 30. He saw the trees lining the sides of the roads, Ricky started up Route 30 then a bush started to rustle. Ricky stared but it stops as soon as he did. He walked past some trees when he saw a brown spot jump between trees. Ricky quickly took out Volcana’s Pokeball.

“ Where are you?” Ricky whispered, but almost suddenly an angered Sentret jumped out of the tree. This Pokemon had a thick furry tail with brown and light brown stripes circling it. It also had a round body with a while belly and a small round light brown spot in the center. It also has stubby feet and big ears with small hands.

“Volcana its time to do some damage.” Ricky called out to his trusted friend who appeared out from its ball it a flash of white light who had hollered its name eager for another battle.

“Take out Sentret with a Tackle attack!” hollered Ricky who now saw a navy blue blur rushed straight into Sentret knocking it down but quickly scaled a tree and made it atop a tree branch.

“Running scared eh? You better run me and Volcana are just to…QUILLL!!” this screeching noise from his Cyndaquil had quickly cut him off as the Sentret had leaped from the tree branch to power up its own Tackle attack knocking Volcana into a tree.

“Come on Volcana, show Sentret we mean business with a Leer and Tackle combo!” as soon as these words slipped from his mouth, Volcana Leered down Sentret with glowing yellow eyes, while charging in for a Tackle, making contact and sending Sentret back into the bush it once was hiding in and running off.

“Good job Volcana. You can stay out of your ball for a while.” Replied Rick.

Ricky started to walk into the forest when he heard angry Pokemon growling. Volcana’s backset aflame with a burning ember, then the Sentret that ran away appeared from the bushes. But behind it about 12 Bug Pokemon. Before Ricky could even stutter a order, Volcana had unleashed a round of ember attacks taking out a few green caterpillars with a small V shape on their heads which were Caterpie, at the same time taking out a Pokemon that resembled a caterpillars but had huge red noses and a horn on its head. These Pokemon were Weedle.

“Nice job Volcana, but watch your back!!” cried Ricky as his beloved Pokemon was squished between two Cocoon Pokemon, known as Metapod and Kakuna. Volcana was spinning around dizzily after taking that hard twin tackle a swarm of Beedrill, huge bees with huge stingers for hands and a Poisonous stinger at its rear end rammed into Volcana with a combination of Twin Needle and Fury Attack.

“Damn!! Come on Volcana I know you can do it. Send these buzz balls off with an EMBER ATTACK!!” Ricky screamed at the top of his lungs as his dear friend inhaled deeply to launch a devastating round of embers on the Beedrill which were sent away before being scorched to a crisp. “Nice job Volcana. Seems like we better keep our guard up for now. You can rest on my shoulder so your not cramped in your ball, but first let me spray you with a Potion to heal you up.” Ricky proceeded to take off his bag and unzip a side zipper that held a Potion, which he sprayed on his beaten down Pokemon. After wards the two walked down the path for a few hours or so until they saw their destination, Violet City.

“Finally we made it here after fighting of a swarm of bug Pokemon and a mad a** Sentret. All in all, it was a easy trip.”

‘HA! Easy you say? Getting past me wont be easy, I can assure you of that!” yelled a young voice seemingly out of nowhere until the figure stepped from the bushes and appeared to be a young boy at least at the age of 10. He sported a yellow shirt, blue jeans and a blue hat. “I challenge you to a Pokemon battle.” Declared the young child unclipping a Pokeball from his belt and expanding it in his hand.

“I accept your challenge, but what is your name?”

“Its Kyle, now come on out Metapod!” screamed the young child as a familiar bug Pokemon emerged from its Pokeball.

“Lets do this Volcana. It should be an easy battle since we have the type advantage.” Snickered Ricky. “Burn Metapod to a crisp with Ember!” Volcana quickly flared up its back and shot out a round of small embers that hit its target head on engulfing it in a fire.

“Told ya this be an easy battle.” Boasted Ricky seeing as there was no way for a bug to survive that attack.

“Fool.” Said Kyle

“Huh.”

“METAPOD USE TACKLE ATTACK!” screamed Kyle as his Metapod who was indeed burned came from the fire and landed a good blow to a surprised Cyndaquil to see a still moving Metapod.

“The only was that Metapod could of survived that was if it used a Harden attack to raise its defenses the last minute.” Said Ricky. “Smart, but not enough to take us out, counter back with Quick Attack!”

After shaking off that last blow, Volcana sped off and left a trail of dust as it rammed into the green cocoon sending it skidding back into a tree knocked out.

“Nice job Metapod, but its your turn Rattata!” Kyle had released a purple mouse with long fangs and a curly tail and small feet with blood red eyes.

“Volcana use another Ember attack once more.” Volcana inhaled deeply an spewed a string of embers at its foe, but it dodged the string and launched a Quick Attack at its foe.

“Damn man, use your own Quick Attack then Ember.” After receiving the assault on its side, Volcana launched it self towards the purple mouse and sent it air borne, but Volcana wasn’t finished there. She inhaled deeply a once again spewed a stream of Embers that shot Rattata high into the sky and came back down with a loud THUMP!

“NOOOOO! Return Rattata” exclaimed Kyle as he called back his small rodent and ran off into the distance.

“Yes! Our first Pokemon battle and we won Volcana! Volcana…oh no Volcana what happened?” A worried Ricky rushed on over to his friend who was collapsed on the ground from what appeared to be from exhaustion.

He grabbed Volcana and held her to his chest. Ricky quickly got up and started running toward Violet city. Ricky passed by anyone in the fields, and passed by the many Evergreen trees and Pokemon but didn’t notice the Weedle he steeped on and got stung by.

After passing a lake he jumped over a small rock fence, he ran through the gates and to the Pokemon center.

Ricky burst into the Pokemon center and yelled to Nurse Joy...

“Can you heal my Cyndaquil it’s really hurt from Pokemon it has been fighting today!”

“Oh my gosh I will” Nurse Joy quickly replied as she picked up the Cyndaquil and has Chansey take it away on a stretcher.

Ricky as soon as he saw his Volcana being taken away started to smile, but then fainted in front of the counter
 
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coolcobra77

Your Worst Nightmare
thank you for the comment, hopefully more will read and give other comments, on the newest chapter.
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
Anyways, the second chapter is still flat and feels rushed. You skimpped out in places it would have been better to atleast go in more than half assed about it. Such as the battle of Cyndaquil and Metapod :/

Your attempt at humor only comes off as a bad rip off of the games, the characters still feel eh/shallow/iffy in places, and grammar ... is not improving. I see some missing periods, places where exclimation points or commas would fit better than periods, or places where the old familur speech quotations aka "" are missing.

:/
 
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Leon Phelps

Don't Tread on Me
A prolouge may have saved this. All I'm seeing is a bunch of text about a few kids walking around for no reason besides collecting plastic. It may be early in the story but you could have at least kept your readers interested with some foreshadowing. People like plots to go along with the stories that they read. The curse words were random and pointless. It works in some fics but it just looks odd in this case.

Overall, I could care less about the characters and their midget Pokemon right now. OT fics without a good back story to go along with it just aren't enjoyable anymore. You need to add twists, surprises, and emotion. This was just boring. Sorry, I'm telling you the truth. I'll wait around for the next chapter though to give you a fair chance and time to improve.

Cobra, Yami Ryu's a girl! LOL!!

~Leon P.
 
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