RPG School for Beginners

[Psychic]

I’m sure a lot of you moaned and groaned when you saw Lady Myuu mention just who was going to be helping her grade, and I’ll admit that you have good reason to. But please don’t worry too much- as mentioned, I was briefed so I’m not going to be a total perfection Nazi. I promise I won’t be too harsh, though I also promise that I won’t pass a sign up that won’t get into an RPG.
Please keep in mind that while I’m doing this I am not holding any personal grudges and will not mark in a biased fashion. I will not mark on behavior I have seen in the past and so on, so don’t worry.
I hope you’ll all respect me as much as you do Lady Myuu…and please don’t throw anything at me.



Kutie Pie: Feel free to edit your sign up if you want a re-grade. ^^

Name: Amada Revv
Age: 15
Gender: Female

This is fine, but I think you forgot the ‘n’. XD

Personality: Amanda can be very open and talkitive at times. But at other times, she very shy and not so talkitive. When she around her friends and/or family, she is very giggly and funny. This is the times when she's very open and talkitive. When she's around people that she just met or doesn't know, she barely talks or laughs. This is the time when Amanda is shy and not so talkitive. Amanda takes EVERYTHING personally, which means that she makes a big deal out of something small.

This is good, but I find it a bit extreme that she goes from being open and talkative and smiley to shy and reserved and quiet, so it’s a bit unrealistic if you have someone like that. I have a feeling that this is based off a real live person you know who is like this, but even then I doubt that the way they act is so different depending on who they’re around. Also, maybe go into a bit more depth- does she want to try to make friends with other people, does she want to voice her opinions when around them, but is just too nervous to do so?

Description: Amanda wears very short athlete shorts. They are light blue with black stripes at the side. For a shirt, Amanda wears a hot pink tank-top with a skull-and-cross bones that goes across the shirt. She has white gloves that goes up to the elbow and only wraps around the thumb, like a ring. Pink athlete shoes is what Amanda wears for shoes. Her blonde hair is not styled as pigtails, but there are pigtails at the top of her head [When you take two clumps of hair from the side of your head and tie it up]. Her pink lip gloss glows in the sun like her jeweled hear earrings!

That’s a strange combination for someone who can be so shy. You won’t usually see people who seem to timid wearing hot pink shirts with crossbones on it. XD But it’s pretty cool, though I think you focused a bit too much on her clothing- is she tall/short, fat/thin? What color is her skin? Her eyes?

History: Amanda grew up in Celedon City, which is a very big cty. When she turned nine, she always used to run outside with her older sister, Aami [Ah-me], which explains her athletic look. When she turned ten, she heard of Pokemon Training, which is what her sister did. Amanda thought it was some sort of sport. Amanda wanted to try it. Aami told Amanda that she wasn't old enough to raise her own Pokemon. Four years later, when Amanda was four-teen, Amanda had to learn to take care of herself. That's when Amanda got her first Pokemon.

This isn’t bad, but why did she only start playing outside the moment she turned nine? Did she never go outside before that, and did she ever play indoors? Also, if her sister was a trainer, Amanda would have learned about Pokémon long before ten- if your sister isn’t at home or has little creatures following her around, I’m pretty sure she would notice. Though I find it a bit odd that she was made to wait five years before getting a Pokémon.

Type: Vulpix
Name: Pixie
Gender: Female
Personality: Pixie is very active and fun to be around! She is also very shy, at times, like Amanda. The only time when Pixie is shy is when there is a lot of people crowding her. When there isn't a lot of people crowding her, she's very happy and active. When she's scared, she just hides behind Amanda.

Pretty good- sounds reasonable enough, even though it’s strange that she has the same sort of personality as her trainer. Maybe a bit more on how Pixie likes to run around should be added.

Type: Squirtle
Name: Aqua
Gender: Female
Personality: Aqua is never afraid to do anything. When she's battling an eletric Pokemon, she never chickens out. When out of battle, Aqua enjoys to eat, play, and sleep! Aqua is a very active Squirtle. When Aqua is run down, that means she's tired.

Yes, usually if one is ‘run down’ it means that they’re tired- any reason you were pointing this out?
Anyways, I like this bold aspect you gave Aqua. This is fine.


Final Grade: C+

This was pretty good and acceptable in most RPs, but I think you could have gone into a bit more depth- you really only showed how Amanda and her Pokémon acted, not so much about what they think, when and why. Concentrate a bit more on the emotions they feel, and you need to be a bit less vague with your words; ‘active’ doesn’t tell us very much.
I also think you need to think a bit more about how a person’s history will affect the kind of personality they have. Just remember that every problem, every action, every event has an effect on people and the way they act.

Name: Karson Kouseitan'i
Age: 15
Gender: Male

Perfectly fine. *tries to pronounce last name*

Description: About 5’7”, with a relatively muscular build for his age. His hair is a light blond, and is usually sticking up all over the place. He has bright greenish-blue eyes that give off a sense of power set in a innocent but strong face. He wears a red hooded jacket with a simple white t-shirt underneath. His black shorts come down to his knees, and are baggy and light. An X of red runs across the shorts, giving them a little contrast. He wears a chain necklace with his family insignia on it, a eight point star.

*nods* Looks good to me. I don’t quite get the thing with the eyes giving off power, though.

Personality: He’s usually chipper and bright, always looking for that silver lining. He can be a bit hot-headed though, and has a bad temper. He doesn’t like to carry on fights, and when he has made his point will storm off. He tends to be a little happy-go-lucky with most things, and doesn’t hesitate to find humor in a lot of things. When he gets in a battle, however, his personality, while still humorous, tightens and sharpens to reveal a tough side. Once he starts something, he will want to finish it one way or another, with the exception of confrontations.

This is quite good- personality reminds me of every ‘leader’ in a team/group from an Animé. (ie. Ash, Tyson, Tai, Davis) XD Put into words very well, though.

History: Karson hails from Olivine, and has trained in the Johto Leauge. After journeying in the region for a few years and raising a strong team of Pokemon, Karson decided to try something new. Pokemon, Karson decided to go to the region ajacent to his, Kanto. Upon arriving in Saffaron City, he saw a flyer for Double Battle Gyms posted outside of the Saffron Gym. The challenge intrested Karson, and he travled to Pallet to particpate.

Hmm, I’m not so sure about this part- you’re giving your character a huge advantage over the others (which is powerplaying, even in a small way) because he already participated in a League (isn’t he a bit young to have already gone through all of Johto?) making it a bit unfair for the others. It looks good, but I don’t think it’s what is being looked for in this RPG.

Type:Odissh
Name: Razor
Gender: Male
Personality: Razor is a tough Oddish. He bears a cut in his far left leaf, and likes to brag about his obtaining it. The story he tells is filled with hyperbole; each bit exagerrated. The cut, while he claims it was the product of a battle with a Nidoking, was from an acident involving a pair of scissors. He is very adement, to the point where he can be stubborn. He almost never gives up and battles whole heartedly.

XD That’s pretty cute- good that you gave Razor this sort of individual history. I think instead of talking about it, though, concentrate a bit more on the fact that he brags and exaggerates about everything.

Type: Staryu
Name: Cosmos
Gender: Genderless
Personality: Cosmos is very quite. It only moves when in danger or when ordered too. There is almost no way to know what it is thinking, although Razor can get tidbits out of it when nessacary. Karson thinks that he is in a perpetual state of meditation, but Razor beleives otherwise. Razor, unless battling, treats him like a rock, hitting him repetedly. Cosmos, however, doesn't even move or react, taking the beating lightly.

Does Cosmos ever talk, then? And you didn’t really concentrate on its personality- just on the way it acts and the way other treat it. Sure, nobody else knows what its thinking, but you designed the character, so you should know. That’s the idea of putting down their personality.


Final Grade: A-

I took marks off for the slightly advantageous history and the personalities of the Pokémon. Other than that, it was pretty good, though I suggest you run a spell-check through your posts- you had quite a few spelling mistakes which you might want to watch out for. Overall it was pretty good, though, and would definitely get accepted for an RP unless someone were to nitpick over the history.

Name: Sarah Mahogany
Age: 13
Gender: Female

:O Dat be my name. :3 It’s fine.

Personality: Sarah is extremely playful and hardly ever serious, due to her love of jokes. She usually goofs of at every chance she gets, making her dubbed: Clown of the Family by her older siblings. Sarah doesn't like the quiet or when people get serious because then she feels a bit depressed and unwanted.
Another trait of her personality is that she gets over excited, talkative, bubbly, playful, fun-loving and is too energetic, making her parents and siblings wish that she'd grow up. But deep down inside, Sarah can get serious and passionate when the time arises.

XD This pretty good, and I see no problems except the constant happiness is a bit unrealistic.

Description: Sarah stands at a metre sixty-seven, making her the average height for her age. But she's a bit lighter for some one of her pudgy build, at fifty-four kilograms. Her eyes are a bright aqua-green that shine her playful side at people. Her red hair does just the same as it is tied up in two high pigtails. Sarah mainly wears bright T-shirts, that are a bit big for her, with her darkly coloured, blue or black, jeans. And her black and red trainers protect her feet from ground shock whenever she jumps off hills or anything she can.

Heeeey, just because I’m Canadian doesn’t mean I know Canadian measurements. >< I kid, but seriously, I don’t remember how much that is.
It’s fine otherwise, though. Just…stop abusing the poor commas. ;-;

History: Sarah is the youngest of five children. She lives with her two parents and two older brothers and sisters in, the busy, Celadon City. They are remotely happy when she goes off on her pok'emon journey because the house would be much more quieter with her gone. Sarah started her journey in hopes of finding people and pok'emon alike, that would be just as playful as her. Most trainers want to battle her due to her lack of concentration, but Sarah gets too talkative she talks for so long that theres no time left for battling. So, as you can guess, her pok'emon don't get much training.
It is a mystery why she called her Bulbasaur Bounce, people think its because of her personality.

This is fine, though I find it a bit…strange that her parents want her gone so badly and are so happy when she finally leaves.
‘Remotely’ means ‘slightly’, fyi.

Type: Bulbasaur
Name: Bounce
Gender: Male
Personality: Bounce is extremely shy and is afraid of the simplest things. Bounce isn't what Sarah expected for a first pok'emon but she's trying to cure him of his shyness. It isn't going too well....

Sounds interesting, though a bit more detail would be nice. Does this affect the way Bounce battles or anything?

Type: Ponyta
Name: Scarlette
Gender: Female
Personality: Scarlette considers herself the 'mature one' out of her, Bounce and Sarah. She disagrees with Sarah's quest to cure Bounce's shyness, but is never listened to. Scarlette is the one that usually takes control of the battle due to Bounce's shyness and Sarah's bubblyness.

this was okay, but again, a bit more detail about the way she acts and thinks.

So, is it okay? I think I made Sarah too happy.

Well, my Final Grade is: A- just because though yes, Sarah did seem so happy it was a bit unrealistic, and a bit more detail on the personalities of her Pokémon would be nice, but not extremely necessary, as I think you would still be able to develop them quite well during the RP.
Oh, and look out for comma abuse- you use the little things a bit too much. Also, either write Pokémon or Pokemon- please don’t put the apostrophe in place of the accent.

umm... I really don't mean to be rude but when are you going to grade because it's been almost 2 weeks sence I posted my thing.

Once again I don't mean to be rude.

Okay, first of all, I have other and slightly more important things to do other than grade these things. Remember that the people here take time out of their scedual to help you, and for some of us, final exams could mean the difference between getting a good or bad education and therefore life in the years to come.

And anyways, you won’t be so eager once you see my grade. Fyi, no, this was marked before I read your post. Either way, as I said, I do not hold grudges against people, so I am being perfectly fair.

ok I am going to try this but it is my first try ever so please don't go too rough on me but I do want some constructive crit.

:3 You’ll get constructive crit, but just because it’s your first time doesn’t mean you get any special treatment.

Name: josh
Age: 12
Gender: male

This is fine, though names should be capitalized.

Personality: Josh is an average kid and how likes to go to school. When he is with his friends he is very inergetic, but is very shy with people he doesn't know. Josh loved his parents and sometimes when he gets reminded of them he will break down.

Yeeeaaah, this lacks a lot of detail. You need to describe him a lot more because this doesn’t tell us much about the way he thinks and acts.

Description: Josh is 5,1 and is 112 LBS. His hair his blond and curly. He wears a lime green shirt, light blue jeans, and white shoes. He carries a blue backpack with his skateboard.

This is written exactly how Lady Myuu showed not to in her first post, only you added a few more details. It’s okay, but what about the length of his hair? Does he have eyes? Skin color?

History: He loved playing with his mom's poocheyena and and dad's skitty untill both of his parents died in a car crash while he was only 7. He was then a very quiet boy untill he got adopted after three years. Now that he is twelve he has gotten over and has gotten back to his energetic self.

Again, this is pretty much exactly what you were told not to do. It has the old, overdone, cliché history that everyone is sick to death of seeing. If you could make it a bit more original and less yawn, it wouldn’t look so bad.

Type: magikarp
Name: fishy
Gender: male
Personality: He is a little dense and just splashes around all day.

That doesn’t tell us much about Fishy’s personality- what does he think and fell? How does he act, aside from just splashing around? You’re much too vague, especially when you use words like ‘dense’ without explaining what you mean by them. Again, capitalize names (and also names of Pokémon species).

type: charmander
name: Chloe
gender: female
personality: Chloe always snubs fishy when he wants to play with her. She is a pretty strong fight but doesn't have very good aim with her attacks.

Again, that really tells us very little about her. You said how she acts in a single situation, but through telling us how she acts in this situation you should also be able to tell us how she normally acts. Does this mean she dislikes all Water Pokémon, or just that she is easily annoyed? Elaborate and go more into detail.


Final Mark: D
All you need to do is add more details at this point, because you were much too vague in just about every field on the sheet. Also try to steer clear of the overdone, the cliché and the corny/cheesy.

Name: Dexon

age: 12

gender: male

This is fine.

Description: Dexon is a tall thin kid withlviolet eyes and black hair. He usually wear his red robe and black sash, and red shoes its sort of his signature apparel. He is kind of weak but has moderate muscles not big buldging ones. He usually has sores on his thumb from bending spoons becouse he his alway practicing his telekenesis. Most of the time Dexon wears a calm and collected look,but sometimes he gets seious and looks angry and sometimes scary,when he is luaghing(which is alot when his friends are around.)his face look like a giant smile with a nose and eyes.

A bit more detail on what the robe looks like, please- are we talking bathrobe or kimono? I find it odd that he wears red shoes, but that’s up to you.
he is weak but has moderate muscles? You know that ‘moderate’ in this case would mean a bit larger than normal?
WOW WOW WOW, hold the phone! TELEKINESIS!?!?! *starts steaming* I’ll have to go over this later.
Try to go a bit more into detail about what you mean about the facial features.

History: Dexon lived in the large and urban Saffroncity till he was 7, his father's job called for his father to move to Mossdeep city to help with the space exploration program. When Dexon got there he soon found that there were two other kids about his age,named Liza & Tate. When Dexon started playing with the twins, Dexon started to gain strange powers...He could occasionly levitate his toys if he concentrated hard enough. Then soon when the twins father became an astronought, the twins inherited the gym. Even though they were only 10 they could easily beat adult and teenage trainers. When the twins hade been gym leaders for a year, Dexon became 10 years old then Dexon's father enrolled him into a trainer academy and he stayed in there for 3 years then he found a sign-up sheet for a new challenge in Kanto he signed up and qukely departed to Kanto.

>< Let me start from the beginning:
Have a look at Lady Myuu’s post and look for any sort of clue as to the time period. Unfortunately, she does not say specifically right off the bat, so let’s do some research. Well, she says that Emily Oak, the great-granddaughter of professor Oak is the person giving out starter Pokémon. Now in the show we see that Gary, Oak’s grandson, is around the age of ten-twelve. So Emily Oak would basically be his daughter, who he would probably have at about the age of twenty, ten years later. Not long after Gary has Emily, the professor would probably die of old age. Then Emily would grow older and older and could only go into a real profession after she finishes university, then she would probably have to pass all these tests AFTER applying for a job, meaning she would become a real Pokémon professor at the age of at least twenty five.
Now, let’s go all the way to Mossdeep City where the twins Liza and Tate reside. Obviously, these two will still be affected by the flow of time like everybody else in the world, meaning that because about thirty years have passed, they will be in their forties. You said that at seven, Dexon moved to Mossdeep where there were kids his age. Unless you are completely daft, you’ll see that their ages are not similar in the least bit. Sorry, but before you can even defend yourself: grown adults will not hang out with little kids unless they are mentally unstable. After all, these people can have kids of their own at this point, who are probably teenagers at that point.

But let’s eradicate the time component for a minute, shall we? Because even without the whole mistake of time not passing, your history is still…well, I’m not going to lie: terrible. Let’s break it up into pieces:
Piece one: Dexon lives in Saffron City- perfectly fine, nothing wrong here.
Piece two: Dexon moves to Mossdeep City in a whole other region because of his father’s work- again, perfectly fine, perfectly normal, typical family thing.
Piece three: Dexon makes two friends; Liza and Tate- here trouble is already brewing, because it’s best not to have your characters interact with cannon characters unless the GM implies so. They won’t usually say it outright, but usually if they mention cannon characters in their plot or whatever, then it’s pretty much okay.
Piece four: Dexon suddenly gains strange powers- ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NOT. This, this right here is what completely ruined your sign up, and it didn’t help that you provided no explanation whatsoever as to why he gained the powers- the twins didn’t even have them, so why does he? Do you know what powerplaying is? In short, it is making your character stronger than the others, giving them advantages over others. In a game, this is extremely unfair to the other people because even if they have these amazing, well-developed characters they worked really hard on, they will be outshone by this cheap character, just because he is more ‘special’ than them. This was the case even for Jerichi’s character, simply because he had an advantage over the others in that he was already a Pokémon trainer. You have absolutely no right in any RP to do something like this, so I highly recommend, no, demand you stop if you are already doing so.
Piece four: Liza and Tate gain control over the Gym and defeat most opponents- this is totally unrelated to your character and you don’t show it having an affect on him, but whatever- moving on.
Piece five: Dexon goes to a Trainer Academy for three years when he’s ten- not only can you not do math seeing as the child is twelve, but again, you are powerplaying in giving your character more experience in battling.
Piece six: Dexon sees a sheet and signs up for the Double Battle Challenge- this would be fine, however do you really think a school would allow their students to suddenly leave it without even their parent’s permission? A school is responsible to keep the kids in the building, and they can’t just let them run off to a whole other region.

type: squirtle

name: hydro

gender: male

persomality: Hydro is rather shy and timid.He sometimes gets scared in battle becouse of the other pokemon,but if the trainer insults Hydro he gets inraged an powerful and charges the opponent without fear of injury.

The transition between being scared and timid and fearless and bold is a bit too much- bit unrealistic if he changes just because his opponent insults him/his trainer.

type: bellsprout

gender: female

name: Mrs.Fruity

Personality: Mrs.Fruity is very confident...maybe too confident about her strength and abilities. If you told her she was the strongest pokemon ever, she would beleive you and start trying to lift boulders and fight every pokemon it meets.

This is okay, but please explain a bit more what you mean about her believing what she is told- does this mean she’s gullible, or just that she really thinks she’s that good? Elaborate more on her personality.


Final Grade: D
In short: it seems like not enough thought was put into this, as if it was done in two minutes without a second thought, without even looking it over. It laps any depth and proper explanations, and you should have gone into much more detail in just about every field. The history was atrocious, and you obviously did not look at the first post closely enough to see what time frame the RPG takes place in, but of course your character is still a powerplaying character to a huge extent. Superhuman abilities are a no-no in RPGs unless the plot requires them.
You might want to reconsider and work for at least ten to fifteen minutes on your sign ups from now on.

Name: Adam Ningat
Age: 12
Gender: Male

This is fine, of course.

Personality: Adam was always known as the genius of his grade level in school. He's very calm, cool, collected, and serious. Adam was expected by his peers to ace everything, pressuring him all the time. He hates to be wrong. He's very competitive in everything he does and makes big deals out of little things. Also, he is not very athletic or popular and would almost trade in his smarts to be either one. He's going on the journey to prove he can be better at something else besides school.
When Adam is around his friends or relatives, Adam can be crazy, wild, and brain dead. This is basically the opposite of how is otherwise.

XD This is quite good, and I see no real problems. *thumbs up for detail and depth*

Description: Adam is about 5' 3" and is rather skinny and light for his age group. He has a dirty blond short buzz cut hairstyle and deep blue eyes. he doesn't smile much unless he's around friends or family and in his other personality state. Around his neck he always wears a tooth on a chain. He's not sure what kind of tooth it is, but he always says it's a Groudon's tooth, just to make his friends jeleous. Adam normally wears a red and black jacket over a T-shirt and some form of jeans. He only wears one pair of shoes, and that's his beaten up sneakers.

This is also pretty good, and nice touch with the ‘Groudon’ tooth. XD

History: Adam grew up in Viridian City where there always seemed to be something concerning Team Rocket going on. It was a pretty dirty part of town, but Adam always was able to just ignore it. His dad worked for a company that made medical equipment for Pokemon Centers. He traveled a lot and always brought back a souvenier(sp?) from where ever he went. His mom worked at a local Pokemon school as a counseler(sp?). Despite his neighborhood, Adam had a pretty nice life. When Adam saw the sign-ups for the Double Battle League, he thoguht about for a long time and decided it would be a chance to prove himself, and to make his parents proud.

This is good, though I think that because of his personality, he would sign up to prove that he can do more than ace tests, NOT to make his parents proud. Also, if you don’t know how to spell a word, just paste your Sign Up on Microsoft Word or a similar program- it can help neaten up your stuff and find any mistakes you’ve missed.

Type: Charmander
Name: Nova
Gender: Male
Personality: Nova is a dumb but strong Charmander. He has been known to disobey Adam a lot and charge into situations with a fire attack without thinking about types or any of that "junk" as he would call it. With Adam's smarts and his stregth combined, they make a great team.

This is quite good, though if he disobeys Adam then how can they combine their smarts and strengths?

Type: Staryu
Name: Ruby
Gender: Genderless but acts like a Female
Personality: Ruby is what you might call a girly girl. She cares a little too much about the shine of her jewel and her coat's wax. She doesn't enjoy battling at all, but when she does, she's surprisingly talented.

XD Cool, interesting character. Though you could elaborate a bit more on being ‘talented’ and how/if she tries to avoid battling and getting dirty, etc.


Final Grade: A-
Pretty good, there isn’t a whole lot more you can do with it except elaborate a bit more. *shrugs*





YAAAAY, IT’S ONE O’CLOCK IN THE MORNING AND I HAVE FINALLY FINISHED MY FIRST BATCH OF GRADES. :3
I’m sorry if not everyone was happy with their marks, and I’m quite sure I marked fairly, but if anyone has a quarrel about, take it up with me- I don’t bite. (Because I scratch with COUGAR CLAWS.)
I need to get to bed…Canadian History exam tomorrow...*yawns*

~Psychic

 

[MajinDegeto]

Macross RPG sign up practice

um ok lady i think i had enough practice and am ready to see if i get a good grade so heres my sign up for macross also known as robotech

Sign Up:

Name: Bojack Lash
Age:19
Gender:Male
Height:5 foot 9 inchs
Weight: 130 pounds
Type: humanoid
Personality: very cruel to his enemies, doesnt give any mercy to no one, he kills right on sight, his becomes more hostile when he hears music, he doesnt talk much about his past or anything else, and he hates humans.
Description: wears a black space battle suit, has a mark that looks like a devil on his helmet, he has short black hair that reachs to his neck and no further, his green eyes put fear into those who stare into them, his body is muscular because the bionics.
History: was a former ace pilot for the macross fleet that battled the Zentradi. he was left behind after the accident in space when they thought he was dead but he survived. an unknown figure helped him survive for 35 years and now he is out for revenge.
Abilities: since he has the Dark One cells inside him he can tranform his mech into a bigger more detructive mech than before,he can also have his mech heal its self, and when he comes incontact with other people through the use of his mech he can infect them with the Dark Ones cell and make them become his servant.

 

[Lady Myuu]

... I'm not gonna grade, did you read the first page of this thread? There is a signup there you must fill. This is your own signup and I wont even grade it as its not what was asked for.

 

[MajinDegeto]

oh im very sorry lady i didnt mean to cause a problem i thought that was an example so im very sorry im just nervous about begin graded. ok this is what u want a pokemon sign up.


Name:Jack Gearmen
Age:12
Gender:Male
Personality: very friendly, always ready to go on an adventure,likes to meet new people and friends, never turns down a battle, never gives up, determined to be the best.

Description: he is about 4'6, he wears a green cap that has a pokeball logo on it, he also wears a bandana on his right arm, he also wears black shoes,white socks, blue pants,a yellow t shirt with no sleeves, he has purple gloves on his arms that reach to his elbow,and he carriers a back pack.

History: he grew up in Cerulean City.by the age of ten he went to see a show at the Cerulean City gym it was there he saw he first pokemon battle when misty and ash battled team rocket during a performence misty was putting on. after that battle Jack wanted to become a Pokemon trainer. he worked really hard to get his chance. waiting for the right time when he would be the next Pokemon master. it has been his dream to be a pokemon master and so he will do anything to try and pursue it.

Pokemon:charmander
Name:Inferno
Gender:Male
Personality: a very friendly pokemon but is very shy when it comes to meeting new people. when too many people get near Inferno he hides behind jack. in a battle Inferno always tries his best. wanting to be the best he can be. he shows how much determination Inferno has. Inferno never wants to give up. but when he reachs his limit he still trys to get back up.

Pokemon:Abra
Nameshyicy
Gender:male
Personality: this pokemon sleeps alot. but does well in a battle. it too is friendly but not shy. he likes it when there are lots of people because he likes it when he gets all the attention. in battles it always wears out his enemies pokemon then he fights back when the pokemon are too tired to move or fight back.

 

[DunsparceGX]

I'm extremely new to RPG so here it goes.......

______________________________________________________

Name: Nick Yukino
Age:12
Gender:Male

Personality: Nick is a lazy person that likes to look at clouds and read. When time calls for it he is quick to formulate a plan and take action.He makes alot of mistakes, but he learns greatly from those mistakes.

Description: Nick is 5'3" and weighs 94 lb.Nick has spiky raven black hair and an orange jacket with crimson red sleeves that turn into a flame design at the under arm and down and the shoulder area is a sky blue. He also has a black T-shirt under the jacket.He has light colored jeans with a chain on the right side to carry his pokeballs.He also has astonishing violet eyes. He has a pair of black shoes with a light blue pokeball design on the sides.

History:Nick has been raised in an average environment in Phenec City. He leads a normal
life. When he heard about the the Doble Battle League he took the first plane to Viridian, where he would walk to Pallet.

Type: Charmander
Name: Blaze
Gender:Female
Personality:Lazy(Betcha saw that coming)Blaze usually slacks off when she has nothing to do, but when in battle she has a will to never give up.

Type:Oddish( a light brownish- red)
Name: Dango
Gender:Female
Personality: Dango is extremely energetic and full of life. She has a will of fire
and is extremely obediant in battle. She is a brownish-red color because of a bad
experiance with adobe(reddish-brown clay)

 

[foxkitty]

Name: Rika Adrena
Age: 15
Gender: Female
Personality: She is a tomboy.She usally keeps to herself. Rika spents her free time reading, making up stories and playing with their family's pet Flareon. Rika loves nature. She loves just to lay down in the grass and watch the clouds go by for hours on end. She climbs this big oak tree in the middle of their yard all the time. Rika can get up to the top. She has found a robin's nest, and a squirrel while climbing the tree. Rika likes to be by herself for awhile but then likes to go meet her friends and go somewhere because she doesn't likes being alone all the time.

Description: She's 5'8 and 120 LBS. Rika has shoulder length reddish brown hair, that is usally pulled into a high ponytail with her bangs pushed to the right side. The end of her bangs curl up in front of her right ear. She wears sunglasses on top of her head and only pulls them over her eyes to block the sun. She has light green eyes. Her skin is as pale as a ghost when the sun shines on it. Across her face are small brown freckles. She wears a white tanktop with a unzipped navy blue jacket over it. Rika wears light blue jeans.
History: Rika has lived in Lilycove since she was 4 years-old. Their house is on the edge of the beach. She lives with her mom and dad and she has an older sister that has already went off on her journey, she would be 19 right now. When Rika's sister was around she had always been in her shadow. Everybody in town knew her, and Rika was left in her shadow. WHen her sister left everybody turned on her, wanting her to be as successful as her sister. Rika was borned on a small island off shore. She can't remeber the name of it because they had moved to Lilycove when she was only 4.

Pokemon:

Type: Vulpix
Name: Coal
Gender: Male
Personality:Coal is playfull. He loves to play around with other pokemon and people. Coal's playfullness helps him in battles. He's playfullyness helps him dodge attacks and to find clever ways to attack. Coal hates being serious, he thinks its boring, so he loves to mess around.

Type: Squirtle
Name: Bubly
Gender: Female
Personality: Bubly is afraid of everything, small and big. She finds hidding in her shell and/or pokeball helpful. Even though Bubly is afraid that doesn't keep her from fighting other pokemon. Bubly hates it when someone calls her weak and loves to prove them wrong by battling them and wining.

 

[Lady Myuu]

Name:Jack Gearmen
Age:12
Gender:Male

this is fine.

Personality: very friendly, always ready to go on an adventure,likes to meet new people and friends, never turns down a battle, never gives up, determined to be the best.

Cliche, overused, garystu. Is he just a big bundle of joy? Seriously, this guy just seems ready to go and do anything with out a second thought or glance. Usually people are a bit more complex then that. How about some other emotions other then happy go lucky lets find the end of the rainbow kind?

Look at some of the higher graded sign ups and check out the personalities, see how they are presented and how they are more deep then this.

Description: he is about 4'6, he wears a green cap that has a pokeball logo on it, he also wears a bandana on his right arm, he also wears black shoes,white socks, blue pants,a yellow t shirt with no sleeves, he has purple gloves on his arms that reach to his elbow,and he carriers a back pack

.

So he has colorless eyes and no hair, he also seems to be lacking a face. instead of saying 'he also wears' you could just end the sentence and start a new one with what else he wears.

History: he grew up in Cerulean City.by the age of ten he went to see a show at the Cerulean City gym it was there he saw he first pokemon battle when misty and ash battled team rocket during a performence misty was putting on. after that battle Jack wanted to become a Pokemon trainer. he worked really hard to get his chance. waiting for the right time when he would be the next Pokemon master. it has been his dream to be a pokemon master and so he will do anything to try and pursue it.

... if you had read the plot you would know that this takes place many many years since the anime. As Oak's grand daughter is the new proff. So it would be impossible for this guy to see that show. Unless he was like, a hundred years old now.

Pokemon:charmander
Name:Inferno
Gender:Male
Personality: a very friendly pokemon but is very shy when it comes to meeting new people. when too many people get near Inferno he hides behind jack. in a battle Inferno always tries his best. wanting to be the best he can be. he shows how much determination Inferno has. Inferno never wants to give up. but when he reachs his limit he still trys to get back up.

This is ok but it could have been worded better. Put a space between the : ok?

Pokemon:Abra
Nameshyicy
Gender:male
Personality: this pokemon sleeps alot. but does well in a battle. it too is friendly but not shy. he likes it when there are lots of people because he likes it when he gets all the attention. in battles it always wears out his enemies pokemon then he fights back when the pokemon are too tired to move or fight back.

This is auto out cuz i didn't list abra as a chosen starter.

FINAL GRADE: D-

In the final, your character is a bit cliche and you description and history needs some work. You are welcome to try again as many times as you like.
If you are not experinced in writing perhaps you should check out the fanfiction forum and read the rules and advice as it helps you write better which is needed for rpgs also.

~*~

Name: Nick Yukino
Age:12
Gender:Male

Fine.

Personality: Nick is a lazy person that likes to look at clouds and read. When time calls for it he is quick to respond and take action.When Nick battles he becomes a person who won't go down without a fight.His strong will to keep going to the very end which makes him a worthy opponent.

Just a quick suggestion; put a space after your periods.

Anyway.

Most trainers do not go down with out a fight when they are battling. Because it is a fight and you usually fight to not go down. If you get what I mean.

Also I think there is a bit more to Nick then what you speak about, We know he is lazy and that he is also quick. Can you really be both? I mean I'm a lazy butt and I lay around alot, its hard to get up quickly when you are busy cloud watching. Then I think there should be more depth in his personality, such as his temper and moods he has at certian times ect.

Description: Nick is 5'3" and weighs 88 lb.Nick has spiky raven black hair and an orange jacket with crimson red sleeves that turn into a flame design at the under arm and down and the shoulder area is a sky blue. He also has a black T-shirt under the jacket.He has light colored jeans with a chain on the right side to carry his pokeballs.He also has astonishing violet eyes. He has a pair of black shoes with a light blue pokeball design on the sides.

wow 88 pounds at 5'3? o.o THATS SMALL. Is he ok? Violet eyes those are so common... but since its anime its ok.

History:Nick has been raised in an average environment in Phenec City. He lead a normal lazy life passing in everything he done. Then he heard about the Double Battle League. He was on the first plane to Viridian were he would walk to Pallet. The last thing he said before leaving his parents was, " Finally, a challenge."

He is lazy cuz he is so skilled :O actually I don't find that possible as you do have to put some sort of effort into work or else it comes out as something not as great as it could have been.

I think you could write a little more detailed history, such as growing up and things. So the league is his challange? >> wow this guy is perfect isn't he?

Type: Charmander
Name: Blaze
Gender:Female
Personality:Lazy(Betcha saw that coming)Blaze usually slacks off when she has nothing to do, but when in battle she has a will to never give up.

Sure alot of laziness going around.

Type:Oddish( a light brownish- red)
Name: Dango
Gender:Female
Personality: Dango is extremely energetic and full of life. She has a will of fire
and is extremely obediant in battle. She is a brownish-red color because of a bad
experiance with adobe(reddish-brown clay)

XD thats cute.

Final Grade: C-


I think you can put alot more detail into this character. Try and make him believiable at least.


~*~

Note: I wish you put half as much effort into your rpg posts as you did this signup.

Name: Rika Adrena
Age: 15
Gender: Female

Fine

Personality: She is a tomboy.She usally keeps to herself. Rika spents her free time reading, making up stories and playing with their family's pet Flareon. Rika loves nature. She loves just to lay down in the grass and watch the clouds go by for hours on end. She climbs this big oak tree in the middle of their yard all the time. Rika can get up to the top. She has found a robin's nest, and a squirrel while climbing the tree. Rika likes to be by herself for awhile but then likes to go meet her friends and go somewhere because she doesn't likes being alone all the time.

Why would she find a robin and a squrriel nest in a pokemon world? ... is this a personality or a history? Personality is how the person acts emotionally around themselves and other people.

Description: She's 5'8 and 120 LBS. Rika has shoulder length reddish brown hair, that is usally pulled into a high ponytail with her bangs pushed to the right side. The end of her bangs curl up in front of her right ear. She wears sunglasses on top of her head and only pulls them over her eyes to block the sun. She has light green eyes. Her skin is as pale as a ghost when the sun shines on it. Across her face are small brown freckles. She wears a white tanktop with a unzipped navy blue jacket over it. Rika wears light blue jeans..

While its a bit choppy, this is a good description though you could have written it out better. But that comes with practice.

History: Rika has lived in Lilycove since she was 4 years-old. Their house is on the edge of the beach. She lives with her mom and dad and she has an older sister that has already went off on her journey, she would be 19 right now. When Rika's sister was around she had always been in her shadow. Everybody in town knew her, and Rika was left in her shadow. WHen her sister left everybody turned on her, wanting her to be as successful as her sister. Rika was borned on a small island off shore. She can't remeber the name of it because they had moved to Lilycove when she was only 4

A little cliche with the whole 'big shoes to fill' from her sister. The history is again pretty good though choppy. But as I said before it comes with practice.

Pokemon:

Type: Vulpix
Name: Coal
Gender: Male
Personality:Coal is playfull. He loves to play around with other pokemon and people. Coal's playfullness helps him in battles. He's playfullyness helps him dodge attacks and to find clever ways to attack. Coal hates being serious, he thinks its boring, so he loves to mess around.

This is alright.

Type: Squirtle
Name: Bubly
Gender: Female
Personality: Bubly is afraid of everything, small and big. She finds hidding in her shell and/or pokeball helpful. Even though Bubly is afraid that doesn't keep her from fighting other pokemon. Bubly hates it when someone calls her weak and loves to prove them wrong by battling them and wining.

This is alright.


Final Grade: C+

While I havn't been pleased with your rpg posts, this sign up gives you some hope. Alot of what you need is just practice so you can learn the best ways to write. You need to fix your personality and that will get you a B-.



~*~

LESSON TWO:
THE CORRECT WAY TO START YOUR POST!​

Before you even START to think about replying for the first time to an rpg. MAKE SURE YOU HAVE READ THE RPG RULES AND ADVICE.

1. The first thing you must do when the rpg you joined is about to begin. Is to read the whole post. THE WHOLE STARTING POST the GM has made. As it may contain importent infomation about what you should do.

2. When you begin your post, make sure you know your character and remember the personality, you don't want to go ooc if it has been awhile since you joined.

3. Make sure your post is within the rules, meaning they must be a paragraph long at least... Its better if its longer. If you don't have much writing exerpince then head over to fanfiction and read the advice for aspiring authors.

http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=19

This will help you understand the basic rules for writing a story which will also help you write rpg posts.

The object of your next post to this thread: Is to write a starting post! I will give you instructions on how it should be done and then you will attempt to create that post. I will grade it just like I graded everything else and you are allowed to redo it as many times as you want.

Thank Yami Ryu for creating the post I will be using as to show you the right way and the wrong way to make a post.

THE WRONG WAY:

Originally Posted by Billy Bob Timmy Jimmy
Billy Bob Timmy Jimmy, also known as Billy was getting his pokemon today!

He went to the lab!

He picked out a pokeball!

Billy let out the pokemon and gasped as it was an english speaking shiny charmander that loved him instantly!

Billy rushed out of the lab with his charmander.

Billy got into random battle!

"Charmander, fire blast!"

"Ok!"

Charmander uses fireblast. Random Rattata fried. Random Rattata died. Billy wins

THE RIGHT WAY:

Jake Job was a young trainer to be. He was average in hieght, wieght and smarts, and he was on his way to the pokemon lab. He had ignored his half insane thrice removed cousin earlier, and then only moments ago as he entered the building, a bit weary from a five minute hike to the lab, but none the worse for wear.

"Hello?" He called out, and waited a few moments to recive an answer from the professor all the in the back room where the other pokemon evidently were. Entering the building causiously, Jake made his way through the lab and to the back room, and was greeted once again by the professor.

"Ah, there you are Jake. Afraid to say the Charmander was taken, but there is still Squirtle and Bulbasaur if you'd have one of them in its place." The kindly old man said while motioning to a red and white sphere with a leaf on the red part, and a near duplicate of the first- only with a water mark instead.

Jake took on a serious expression as he thought about it, then with a nod of his head at his choice inwardly, he snatched up the one with the leaf. "I'll take Bulbasaur, if that's alright Professor Leaf."

The Professor smiled kindly again, "Yes it's fine. But you better hurry up if you want to catch up with your cousin," he said while shooing the young man out of the lab, or attempting too, so Jake would hurry up on his quest.

Jake glanced around for a few seconds, ignoring the near deafening cheering that obviously was coming from Billy Bob as he considered an idea a moment before tossing the sphere he held in his hand forward. The pokeball struck the ground with a loud crack before bouncing up as it opened and released a beam of white energy that quickly formed into a squat little green and teal spotted pokemon as the pokeball was caught by Jake.

"Saur. Bulba saur." The frog like saurian pokemon grounded out, eyeing Jake for a few moments. Jake quirked an eyebrow slightly, "Well guess a trainer has to start off somewhere." He comented, mostly to himself.

There is another helpful tip about interacting with each others players posted by Inner Flame: http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=126627

Thank Yami Ryu for the post.

~*~

WHAT YOU DO: You will post a reply about you just reciving your pokemon from the lab. As in going to the lab in Pallet Town and getting the pokemon from Emily Oak.

Step by Step!

Step one: Get to the lab, explain your thoughts and journey as you go to the pokemon lab.

Step two: Speak with Emily Oak, she will always have the pokemon you listed in your sign up. She is a kind sweet young woman who is always happy to see new faces.

Step Three: Meet your pokemon, name them and interact with them.

Step Four: Leave the lab, either wonder around town or start your journey, please end it here.

RULES:
-Do NOT interact with another player's character
-Do NOT start a battle
-Do NOT rush yourself

 

[John's Knight]

LESSON 1

Name: John Smith

Age: 14

Gender: male

Personality: John had, and still has, some trouble making friends, maybe due to the fact that he’s extremely shy. Hiding from people and not talking to them, John wasn’t always the shy person he is now. Still, when he (luckily) makes new friends, he becomes quite a talkative young man. Being helped by them to overcome his shyness, he became less introverted. Still, if he gets really nervous, he won’t talk to anyone he thinks that might hurt him, including his own friends. Pokemons are the only ones he has complete confidence in, and he never turned his back to them.

Description: About 5 feet tall, John is very slim, weighing about 80 pounds. Not being very brawny, he isn’t exactly of the strong type. Black eyes, brown short hair, swarthy skin, John always wears some jeans, and a simple white t-shirt. When he feels to, he wears a blue cap with the inicials "JS" that stand for his name.

History: John’s from Petalburg City, the most beautiful town of the Hoenn region according to the young trainer. Always playing in the Petalburg Forest with the Pokemon existing in there, his desire of becoming a pokemon trainer grew everyday. Reaching the required age for becoming one, he wanted to meet and search for new pokemon, deciding to head to the Kanto region by sea. He went to Lilycove City, which makes many international voyages, including to Vermilion City, on the Kanto region.
While on board, he saw many trainers, some pokemon battles, and a lot of sea pokemon which were happily “racing” with the ship. When he arrived, his desires reached their maximum, and he couldn’t wait any longer. So, running as fast as he could, he headed to the Pallet Town Laboratory, where he would get his pokemon.

Pokemon:
Type: Oddish
Name: Linda
Gender: Female
Personality: Linda, as her own name says, is a very beautiful Oddish. Always gentil to the others, her charm is a wonderful delight for those who are sad. She's one of those persons, in this case pokemon, who is always there for you, always wanting to help those that need it.

Type: Charmander
Name: Slasher
Gender: Male
Personality: As well as Linda, Slasher is a very docile, cute, adorable and happy Charmander. Always wagging his tail, Slasher is a wonderful partner, never refusing a good old "playtime". His eyes transmite complete happyness even for those who are extremely sad, his smile being a joy for those who see it.

 

[Kaim_Fabuyashi]

Name: Cyan Bloodbane
Age: 15
Gender: Male
Personality: Cyan has a good tempered nature unless something is really screwy then you see a side of him hardly ever seen. He can be kind and nice but is usually a loner. He hates vioence since his father was killed along time ago when Team Rocket took over Silph Co. Thought it takes him a while to warm up to people once they are his friend he is very loyal to them.
Description: Cyan is almost 6 ft. he has short spiky green hair which he doesnt bother to comb since it wont say in place anyway. He has emerald green eyes with specks of brown in them giving him a hard look on his face. he wears a navy blue 'mini' long sleeve shirt [like Falco from Startfox] with a gray t-shirt with tan pants.
History: Cyan used to live in Saffron City until he was 9 and Silph Co. was taken over and his father was killed. Then he and his mother left to Pewter City out in the back so they can live in peace. Also it was close enough to Pallet town so he could get his first pokemon.

Pokemon: Charmander

Type: Fire
Name: None just its regular name [I dont like nicknames]
Gender: Male
Personality: Cyan's Charmander is out going and tries to be the best at things though it usually fails since it isnt all that strong yet and is in its first stage. It warms up to people rather easily though it can be sometimes suspicious of others.

Pokemon: Bellsprout

Type: Grass/Posion
Name: ''
Gender: Female
Personality: Cyan's Bellsprout is kinda laid back using its 'powder' attacks to do most of the work for it and then finishing it up with one of its own 'real' attacks. It doesnt trust people it doesnt know and harly ever warms up to people.

 

[Shadow Ho-oh]

Name: PowaMaz
Age: 14
Gender: Male
Description: Tall, dirty blond hair, wears dark blue jeans, white skirt with blue lighting bolt on it, and dark blue safari hat
Personality: fun, exciting, but hates people who hate him, loves pizza, loves to kick people, hates clowns, hates porta-potties, and when there is a thunder storm he trains his pok’emon to dodge the elements of the storm
History: When young he nearly died and his sister’s legs were paralyzed for life in by a group of robbers and their electric pok’emon and hopes to take revenge a pone the robbers also he was born in water so he can last longer in the water than othere people could
Other: Loves to use water and flying pok’emon in ballets

Pok’emon: Lanturn

Type: Water-Electric
Name: Flash
Gender: Male
Personality: It is mostly brave when his friends are in danger but he mostly tries to relax,
Loves to eat Lum Berries and Lemonade

Pok’emon: Mantine
Type: Water-Flying
Name: Kiter
Gender: Female
Personality: When around new people it is shy but when she gets used to them she becomes more playful, loves to eat Mago and Watmel berries

 

[xKoolxTrainerx]

I need schooling!!!

I need this!
----------------------------Lesson 1: My Practice Profile:
Name: Rey

Age: 15

Gender: female

Personality: Rey is really shy. She doesn't tlak much and usually is the person in the back of class who doesn't want to be noticed. When confronted by people she will answer their question and try her best not to seem rude. She will only become comfortable with someone if they spend a long time together talking and hang out.

Rey is very confident with her pokemon and will stop at nothing to become a pokemons friend. Rey likes watching pokemon and drawing them rather than collecting them and training them. To make sure that she gets a good view of all the pokemon out in the world, she swims and goes into caves, forest, and anywhere she can find a pokemon that would make a wonderful sketch.

Description: She stands around 5’2, tan, and fit. She has dakr brown hair that reaches her waist. She keeps it up in a bun with braids and loose hair hanging from it. Her face looks like a little girls even though she is 15. Her eyes are a radiant shade of blue, but are sometimes hidden behind her side bangs. Her form is covered in a white tank-top with a pokeball logo on it. She wears a pair of jean capris and a black belt that has two pokeballs on it.

Rey wears black and white shoes and black biker gloves. She usually carries aorund a red bag with a towel, sketch book, her green bathingsuit, and some pencils.

History: Rey grew up in a small island called Pacific Lodge Town, then when she was 5 years old her parents packed up all their belonings and moved to Cinnabar Island, where Rey stayed until she was 12 when they moved again to Vermillion City, Where she is today. Rey enjoys the fresh air and the sound of the waves crashing onto the shore. Her house and cloose to the Vermillion gym and her school.


Pokemon Team:

Pokemon: Staryu
Type: Water/Physic
Name: Starlight
Gender: female
Personality: Starlight is the playful type of pokemon, no matter the time or event she is always playful. Usually Starlight will play with wild pokemon while Rey draws. During cetain events Starlight confuses its oppent, by acting like it wants to paly, but then attacking.

Pokemononyta
Type: Fire
Name: Flame
Gender: female
Personality: Flame is a fast and competitive pokemon. She enjoys racing and palying around. She is fun and relaxed, but when the time calls for it Flame is serious and strong. She knows when to paly and when to relax.

 

[Kev Chi]

Now while I'm not excatly a mod around here, I've become pretty good in RPGs(IMO) since I got here, alot better then when I first got here I guess and I'm hoping I'm allowed to "teach" at this school. The advice I give can be thrown out by yourself if you wish. I'm not forcing you to take it in but just remember, I'm only trying to help. I'll try and not be too harsh either.
~~~~

Name: PowaMaz
Age: 14
Gender: Male

The only problem I have is with the name. Would you really find someone in real life with a name like that?

Description: Tall, dirty blond hair, wears dark blue jeans, white skirt with blue lighting bolt on it, and dark blue safari hat

Too short...How tall is he? Is he a big guy? Put in more details. Also, use full sentences when describing one thing instead of short, gimpy sentences and commaing everything.

Personality: fun, exciting, but hates people who hate him, loves pizza, loves to kick people, hates clowns, hates porta-potties, and when there is a thunder storm he trains his pok’emon to dodge the elements of the storm

What a very odd personality....In truth, I would rewrite it all but to go along with it, Why does he hate clowns? Why does he hate Port-a-Potties? and I kinda find it odd that a person who loves to kick people is fun and exciting. How does he train them in the storm also?

History: When young he nearly died and his sister’s legs were paralyzed for life in by a group of robbers and their electric pok’emon and hopes to take revenge a pone the robbers also he was born in water so he can last longer in the water than othere people could
Other: Loves to use water and flying pok’emon in ballets

Born in the water...? Very odd again. How did they run into these robbers? and what were the robbers doing? and what caused the robbers to attack them? Your history doesn't flow very well...

Pok’emon: Lanturn

Type: Water-Electric
Name: Flash
Gender: Male
Personality: It is mostly brave when his friends are in danger but he mostly tries to relax,
Loves to eat Lum Berries and Lemonade

A bit on the short side for personality...Do it like you were filling out your own personality (when you edit it)

Pok’emon: Mantine
Type: Water-Flying
Name: Kiter
Gender: Female
Personality: When around new people it is shy but when she gets used to them she becomes more playful, loves to eat Mago and Watmel berries

Same as the other.

In all, I'd probably grade this as a D. Everything was just too short and there wasn't enough detail. Look at the Sign Up Rules to show how it should look. You pretty much did everything how your not suppore to.
~~~~~

Name: Rey

Age: 15

Gender: female

Looks ok.

Personality: Rey is really shy. She doesn't tlak much and usually is the person in the back of class who doesn't want to be noticed. When confronted by people she will answer their question and try her best not to seem rude. She will only become comfortable with someone if they spend a long time together talking and hang out.

Rey is very confident with her pokemon and will stop at nothing to become a pokemons friend. Rey likes watching pokemon and drawing them rather than collecting them and training them. To make sure that she gets a good view of all the pokemon out in the world, she swims and goes into caves, forest, and anywhere she can find a pokemon that would make a wonderful sketch.

Very nice. Alot of detail and good length.

Description: She stands around 5’2, tan, and fit. She has dakr brown hair that reaches her waist. She keeps it up in a bun with braids and loose hair hanging from it. Her face looks like a little girls even though she is 15. Her eyes are a radiant shade of blue, but are sometimes hidden behind her side bangs. Her form is covered in a white tank-top with a pokeball logo on it. She wears a pair of jean capris and a black belt that has two pokeballs on it.

Rey wears black and white shoes and black biker gloves. She usually carries aorund a red bag with a towel, sketch book, her green bathingsuit, and some pencils.

Nice again.

Pokemon: Staryu
Type: Water/Physic
Name: Starlight
Gender: female
Personality: Starlight is the playful type of pokemon, no matter the time or event she is always playful. Usually Starlight will play with wild pokemon while Rey draws. During cetain events Starlight confuses its oppent, by acting like it wants to paly, but then attacking.

Nice but a couple of spelling errors.

Pokemononyta
Type: Fire
Name: Flame
Gender: female
Personality: Flame is a fast and competitive pokemon. She enjoys racing and palying around. She is fun and relaxed, but when the time calls for it Flame is serious and strong. She knows when to paly and when to relax.

Not bad but the personality could use alittle work.

Overall, I'd grade this a B+. A few minor spelling errors and Flame's personality were the only things I saw wrong, but everything else was pretty nice, especially the description and personality. Good sign up. ^_^

I'm going for a teaching degree as of now in college, so all the better I get alittle practice. ^.^

 

[InnerFlame]

Shadow Ho-oh: To add you can't use those pokemon as your beginner pokemon... There is a list on the first page of pokemon you can get. But you their also certain rule that go with that too...

 

[Lady Myuu]

Kev Chi, yeah you might want practice, but you don't go and teach the teachers class with out their permission.

InnerFlame, I know you are trying to help but its rather annoying to have people not inviolved or personally asked to come in when I am not able too and correct with out my permission.

Guys, I love the idea of help. Hate the idea of me not being asked first.

Those who are perticipating in this school: Only I and those I have personally asked can give a final grade.

If you experince players want to help (and since I'm rather busy atm) PLEASE talk to me first, I don't want every tom, dick and harry coming in and grading as if they are the best.

This really does hit a nerve. If you wish to discuess it more, PM me.

I will begin grading again in a week or so.

 

[Kalavinka]

Sign-up

LESSON 1

Name: Katarina Katori
Age: 12
Gender: Female

Personality: Katarina's mood varies depending on the situation, but in general is mostly a recluse - she doesn't open up very easily to most people and would much rather be left alone. It's not a good idea to provoke her as she will lash out at anyone who she thinks is angering her.

When approached nicely though, she will communicate nicely with the recipient, though she tends to mumble, and is often told to raise her voice a little higher. She won't attempt to make friends with them though, unless she feels they are very trustworthy (she doesn't trust many people). It's notwithin her nature to butt into conversations, but if she feels something needs to be corrected, she will do just that. Katarina DOES have a compassionate, adventurous and bubbly side, though due to her reluctance to interact socially, she rarely shows it in public.

Katarina spends most of her spare time reading books - she doesn't matter if it's fiction or not, though most of them are factual. As a result, she is very intelligent, but her quick and rough judgment tends to override this.

Description: Katarina stands at 5'7 and weighs around 122lbs. She has a pale olive complexion, though her soles and palms are a creamy colour. She has extremely dark brown hair - it's easy to mistake it as black unless seen in bright sunlight. Her hair reaches past her shoulders (lower back, actually), and as a result it can be hard to brush. She likes keeping it tied in a braided ponytail so it doesn't get in other people's way (though it is prone to being pulled). Her eyes are a chocolate brown, and usually show signs of innocence or sadness. Her face is pretty porky (though not too bulky), and her cheeks are a lighter colour compared to the rest of her face.

Her usual clothing attire in warm weather consists of a plain, short-sleeved red shirt and long, jet-black trousers with white stripes lining the sides. In colder weather, she adds a bulky-looking (though light), fluffy pink jacket, lined with wool near the top. She also wears a royal blue scarf along with the jacket.

History: Hailing from Saffron City, Katarina had always wished to become an aspiring Pokemon trainer, though her overprotective parents would always prevent her from leaving the city, one way or another. This caused her to distance herself from most people, feeling that no-one trusted her with anything. She spent more time by herself, wandering the streets and buildings of Saffron until there was nothing left to explore.

During one of these walks, she saw a poster describing the League's trainer challenge. She ripped the sign off the post and dashed home in hopes of one last chance of adventure. It was also around this time that Katarina's parents realised her self-isolation would have bad effects later on in her life. Finally given approval by her parents, Katarina, in a rare state of cheeriness, was off on her way to Pallet Town, ready to start a new journey...

Pokemon:

Type: Bulbasaur
Name: Siren
Gender: Female
Personality: Siren is pretty strong-willed, and likes to act dominant in a group (either that or act like a show-off). This tends to cloud up her intelligence, so when battling, it's often 'strike first, think later' for her. This has caused a few embarrasing losses for her. If she faces something that she knows is more powerful than her, though, she often backs away, unless she's feeling very cocky (occasionally causing injuries for her, though none have been too serious).

Type: Staryu
Name: Seraph
Gender: N/A, but feminine personality
Personality: Seraph is the polar opposite of Siren - she shies away from many things, and that includes trainers and battles. It's not easy to convince her to do something, and even if she is successfully persuaded, it often only takes something small to freak her and cause her to curl up into a defensive position. She will defend herself against small threats, though she'd much rather run and hide.

~

GAH X_X I overdid everything...

~Thunderstar ;121;;373;

 

[UltaFlame]

Name: Garet
Age: (12-15) 13
Gender: male
Personality: when he is around people he tries to seem as if everything is alright, but once he is alone (which he tries to do often) his sadness and anger come pouring straight out. he hopes this challenge will help him get over his sadness

Description: he has jasmine eyes his skin tone is that of a normal everyday american. he has an average build and, he has flame designs all over his white t-shirt. his shorts which are blue have little grass symbols dotted randomly

History: he grew up in cerulean city which was huge and had many buldings he knew the mayflower family well (as in the children of misty and her sisters) one day sme one who he had became good friends with was accidentally hit ito the water while crossing a bridge. then later that day he found out his friend survived but barely, and, apparently he hit a rock or something when he fell off the bridge and suffered brain damage. this caused him to become very sad. he joined the league with the hope (and major pressure from the mayflower family who no longer ran the gym) of overcoming his sadness by meeting new people.
Pokemon: You will need two of these.

Type: Vulpix
Name:Vul
Gender: female
Personality: she likes to run around alot seeing as she only a few days ago came out of infancy. she has a snappy attitude though despite her hyperactivitieness. and while she battle her hyperactivity make her a hard opponent to hit but not a very serious one. you could be blasting her with a hyper beam and she would chase her own tail. she is a very talkative person but can get very rude if seriously angered. she doesn't really have an anger problem.

Type: Bulbasaur
Name: Bulba
Gender: male
Personality: in contrary to vul's hyperness Bulba is always cool calm and collected, although sometimes he does get out of hand if angered. he uses swift movement to gain an advantage in battles. yet sometimes they backfire and get him pelted by an attack. he is a little mean and sometimes instigates Vul. then when the two start fighting (usually when Garet is asleep so they don't get in trouble) they use thier paws toslap eachother or they use there attacks. having longer paws and being a fire ype Vul usually wins in both circumstances. yet sometimes bublba outsmarts Vul and wins the tussle. he likes to fight alot he prefers long range atatcks like vine whip or razir leaf to help lay a beatdown on his opposition.

 

[Momoko Lover]

Lesson 1

Name: Lawrence Williams
Age: 13
Gender: Male
Personality: Lawrence is a very odd person. He likes to keep to himself. He usually likes to talk to himself when he's trying to solve an unusual problem. His abnormal behavior has caused him to have very few friends. Lawrence also has issues with his parents. His parents always ask him "what's wrong" and he yells at them for making him seem like he's got problems. Well, he does but he doesn't like it when people imply that they think he does.

Lawrence is lonely most of the time, and he sometimes cries over it. He has mood swings almost all of the time. Lawrence is also very independent, and doesn't need anyone to worry about him. This is the result of his lonely demeanor.

Description: Lawrence is about 5'3 and has a sorta tannish face. He has black hair that he likes to keep cut low but not too close to his scalp. He is nearsighted, but wears contacts. Without his contacts on, his eye color is sky blueish. With his contacts, they look like a hazel color. He usually wears blue jeans with a t-shirt and vest.

Most of the time, Lawrence wears black boots. He also has a green backpack that has most of his supplies.

History: Lawrence was born in the town of Pacifidlog, but grew up in Sootopolis City. He didn't like living in the city, but somehow he got over it. Before he was a very independent person, he had many friends. Though, when his parents got a divorce, and his biological father moved to Fortree City, he has become really depressed. Lawrence hates his step-father, even though he hasn't done anything to him. Lawrence started to become rebellious, and left the house whenever his parents were asleep. Lawrence talked to himself a bit, and decided that he wanted to go on a journey to try and turn his life around.

Pokemon:

Type: Bulbasaur
Name: Flora
Gender: Female
Personality: Flora is a very cheerful little Bulbasaur that likes to play alot. This tends to sometimes get her in trouble. All in all, Flora is a lovable pokemon that only wants the best for her trainer.

Type: Staryu
Name: Star
Gender: Genderless
Personality: Star is a very confusing little Staryu. It seems to always stay in one spot and look like its thinking really hard about something. Star has always helped Lawrence is battles, it has never failed him yet. Star's odd behavior seems to be a result of being around Lawrence for a long time.

 

[Jay star]

Ok ill give this a shot, ive been told my role playing needs work ^^"

Lesson 1

Name: Jamie Armstrong
Age: 15
Gender: Male
Personality: Normally kind and gentle he finds it easy to make friends and tries to make friends with everyone, including those he shouldn’t. Even though he is normally kind and gentle he can be distant and silent at times, he also is very competitive and has a strong determination to achieve what he wants.

Description: Jamie Armstrong has a long sleeved black top on with red Celtic symbols going round the chest part of it and going round the bicep parts of the sleeves, the rimming of the shirt round the neck and sleeves and waist bit was also red, the sleeveless jacket he was wearing was white with a black sip and black sips for the pockets as well, his jeans black and his trainers a dark red, he also had a beanie hat on that was dark red with a lighter red line going around the base of it. He had slightly long blonde hair you could see just sticking slightly out from under his hat and dark brown eyes with slightly pale white skin.
Most of the time, Lawrence wears black boots. He also has a green backpack that has most of his supplies.

History: Jamie Armstrong used to be a Pokemon master and capture them all, but after accompanying his brother to a gym battle Jamie decided he wanted to train as a gym trainer, that is an aspect that he has never given up on, but after starting his 1st journey Jamie realised how much he liked travelling with his Pokemon and how much he could learn by challenging different gym leaders across the lands. His brother went on to become a gym leader and so Jamie wants to follow in his footsteps and plans to defeat his brother one day at his own type, normal.
Aipom was the 1st Pokemon Jamie ever met that was wild, when he and his brother were travelling to the gym Jamie met a Aipom that he befriended and when Jamie started his journey that same Aipom was the 1st Pokemon he ever captured.

Pokemon:

Type: Totodile
Name: Toto
Gender: Male
Personality: Toto used to be shy when Jamie 1st got him but after seeing how nice people can be from being with Jamie it came out of its shell a bit, Toto still used to get scared in battles whenever it would go up against a Pokemon bigger than it, not until it learnt its icy wind attack did it get some confidence, and now it seems to crave attention

Type: Aipom
Name: Pom
Gender: Male
Personality: Aipom has always had a hyper active and playful nature, and it brings that into battle with it, always on the move jumping, dancing or running it has a lot of energy that it uses in battle. Aipom never likes to lose and when it dose always trains itself to be faster and stronger.

 

[Kev Chi]

Well, I am back again, only this time, I have permission to grade. ^_^ I see they're quite a few sign ups, so I'll grade the first two right now and the others possibly tomm, unless one of the other graders get to them.
~~~~~

Name: Katarina Katori
Age: 12
Gender: Female

Good.

Personality: Katarina's mood varies depending on the situation, but in general is mostly a recluse - she doesn't open up very easily to most people and would much rather be left alone. It's not a good idea to provoke her as she will lash out at anyone who she thinks is angering her.

When approached nicely though, she will communicate nicely with the recipient, though she tends to mumble, and is often told to raise her voice a little higher. She won't attempt to make friends with them though, unless she feels they are very trustworthy (she doesn't trust many people). It's notwithin her nature to butt into conversations, but if she feels something needs to be corrected, she will do just that. Katarina DOES have a compassionate, adventurous and bubbly side, though due to her reluctance to interact socially, she rarely shows it in public.

Katarina spends most of her spare time reading books - she doesn't matter if it's fiction or not, though most of them are factual. As a result, she is very intelligent, but her quick and rough judgment tends to override this.

Wow, I wish I could make a personality like this every now and then. >>

Description: Katarina stands at 5'7 and weighs around 122lbs. She has a pale olive complexion, though her soles and palms are a creamy colour. She has extremely dark brown hair - it's easy to mistake it as black unless seen in bright sunlight. Her hair reaches past her shoulders (lower back, actually), and as a result it can be hard to brush. She likes keeping it tied in a braided ponytail so it doesn't get in other people's way (though it is prone to being pulled). Her eyes are a chocolate brown, and usually show signs of innocence or sadness. Her face is pretty porky (though not too bulky), and her cheeks are a lighter colour compared to the rest of her face.

Her usual clothing attire in warm weather consists of a plain, short-sleeved red shirt and long, jet-black trousers with white stripes lining the sides. In colder weather, she adds a bulky-looking (though light), fluffy pink jacket, lined with wool near the top. She also wears a royal blue scarf along with the jacket.

Same as personality.

History: Hailing from Saffron City, Katarina had always wished to become an aspiring Pokemon trainer, though her overprotective parents would always prevent her from leaving the city, one way or another. This caused her to distance herself from most people, feeling that no-one trusted her with anything. She spent more time by herself, wandering the streets and buildings of Saffron until there was nothing left to explore.

During one of these walks, she saw a poster describing the League's trainer challenge. She ripped the sign off the post and dashed home in hopes of one last chance of adventure. It was also around this time that Katarina's parents realised her self-isolation would have bad effects later on in her life. Finally given approval by her parents, Katarina, in a rare state of cheeriness, was off on her way to Pallet Town, ready to start a new journey...

Very nice.

Type: Bulbasaur
Name: Siren
Gender: Female
Personality: Siren is pretty strong-willed, and likes to act dominant in a group (either that or act like a show-off). This tends to cloud up her intelligence, so when battling, it's often 'strike first, think later' for her. This has caused a few embarrasing losses for her. If she faces something that she knows is more powerful than her, though, she often backs away, unless she's feeling very cocky (occasionally causing injuries for her, though none have been too serious).

Good personality. Gives alot of detail.

Type: Staryu
Name: Seraph
Gender: N/A, but feminine personality
Personality: Seraph is the polar opposite of Siren - she shies away from many things, and that includes trainers and battles. It's not easy to convince her to do something, and even if she is successfully persuaded, it often only takes something small to freak her and cause her to curl up into a defensive position. She will defend herself against small threats, though she'd much rather run and hide.

This Staryu sounds like the new chicken of the sea. >> (Sorry Tuna)

GAH X_X I overdid everything...

I think most GMs would rather you overdo it then under. I know I would.

Overall, I'd grade this an A. I really thought that this was a nice example. It was long, clean-looking, and full of detail. Very nice job. ^^
~~~~

Name: Garet
Age: (12-15) 13
Gender: male

Good but you didn't need the 12-15 in the age.

Personality: when he is around people he tries to seem as if everything is alright, but once he is alone (which he tries to do often) his sadness and anger come pouring straight out. he hopes this challenge will help him get over his sadness

Ouch. You need more then two sentences for your personality. =/ Most GMs look for at least a paragraph(4-5 sentences). Is he really sad and despressed all the time?

Description: he has jasmine eyes his skin tone is that of a normal everyday american. he has an average build and, he has flame designs all over his white t-shirt. his shorts which are blue have little grass symbols dotted randomly

Same as personality. Just too short and messy. Don't commatizes everything. Make complete sentences. What's his hair look like? Are they small flames or big flames on his shirt?

History: he grew up in cerulean city which was huge and had many buldings he knew the mayflower family well (as in the children of misty and her sisters) one day sme one who he had became good friends with was accidentally hit ito the water while crossing a bridge. then later that day he found out his friend survived but barely, and, apparently he hit a rock or something when he fell off the bridge and suffered brain damage. this caused him to become very sad. he joined the league with the hope (and major pressure from the mayflower family who no longer ran the gym) of overcoming his sadness by meeting new people.

Alot of run-on sentences. Use the period. He's your friend. ^^ How did he become good friends with this person? How did he get hit into the water? Who found him? Does the friend still remember him? Give some more detail.

Type: Vulpix
Name:Vul
Gender: female
Personality: she likes to run around alot seeing as she only a few days ago came out of infancy. she has a snappy attitude though despite her hyperactivitieness. and while she battle her hyperactivity make her a hard opponent to hit but not a very serious one. you could be blasting her with a hyper beam and she would chase her own tail. she is a very talkative person but can get very rude if seriously angered. she doesn't really have an anger problem.

Vulpix is a person? Anyways, I also find it hard to believe that a trainer would send a baby into battle, espeically against a hyper beamer.

Type: Bulbasaur
Name: Bulba
Gender: male
Personality: in contrary to vul's hyperness Bulba is always cool calm and collected, although sometimes he does get out of hand if angered. he uses swift movement to gain an advantage in battles. yet sometimes they backfire and get him pelted by an attack. he is a little mean and sometimes instigates Vul. then when the two start fighting (usually when Garet is asleep so they don't get in trouble) they use thier paws toslap eachother or they use there attacks. having longer paws and being a fire ype Vul usually wins in both circumstances. yet sometimes bublba outsmarts Vul and wins the tussle. he likes to fight alot he prefers long range atatcks like vine whip or razir leaf to help lay a beatdown on his opposition.

I hope its just play fighting and not actually battling each other. You'd hope they get other their differences seeing how they are a team.

Overall, I'd probably rate this a C-. Your personality and description hurt you quite a bit. Your pokemon's personality had the length, but they were just kinda...odd. I'm sure you can do better. ^^

Well, I'll look at the others possibly tomm.

 

[UltaFlame]

ok i will edit it i thought i needed work!