Starlight Aurate
Just a fallen star
Chapter 16
I admit, when I started chapter 16, I'm intrigued as to how Absol could have rescued the child and brought it and the supplies away from danger. It does make for an interesting start to the chapter, at least, and I expect that you'll give us some explanation soon.
But in all seriousness, I do like the contrasts of the somber first part and the... unexpected-ness of the second.
Rats is definitely a character easy to sympathize with, here. Her whole "I wish you were still you," calls back to when Titan was first angry and attacking the child for not really being his trainer. How well these Pokemon have been getting on knowing that their trainer isn't really their trainer is something that I had wondered about; sure, the child still loves them, but he's definitely someone else, and I can only imagine that it must be somewhat tragic for the Pokemon to deal with, though I'm not sure that all of them know that he's not actually their trainer. Though if Rats's attitude is anything to go off of, then there are certainly changes that they, at least, find noticeable.
How do Absol and the child know where to go to find Mewtwo? I know the child has memories of him, so does it work that he can locate Mewtwo through those and travel to where Mewtwo is? Or that it can feel Mewtwo's presence? Sorry if you explained it and I didn't remember; there are just so many ways to interpret how Psychic and Dark types work, and without a clearer explanation, I'm a little lost.
Assuming that you're using some canon from the first movie, of course.
And that chapter ends on a suitably-dark note! I like this chapter; not as much as I have said in previous chapters (though I'm also refraining from typing out every thought that comes to mind, since I feel it's a bit obnoxious of me to do so), but I like where this fic has gone. The current chapters are, in my opinion at least, more interesting, and your character interactions are engaging. I'm really enjoying all that you've done, and how far this has come
Chapter 17
And the above part is pretty gross, actually. Though it does show that our protagonist isn't put off by that sort of thing. Again, it really helps make him feel cold.
After reading all this carnage that Mewtwo left behind, at least it's apparent that he doesn't hate the main character all that much; after all, he left him alive.
This chapter was... good? It was certainly well-written and captivating, but it was really gruesome and morbid. Towards the end, I actually felt like it was playing out like a horror story; bodies lying everywhere, Pokemon going crazy and attacking trainers, an overwhelming force that killed everyone without exception--it made me feel really uncomfortable! If that's what you were going for, then good job! I can't say that I like this chapter, as this sort of subject matter just isn't my cup of tea, but it was essential to showing Mewtwo's character and just how darn powerful he really is. Regardless of how I felt about it, it was necessary and I appreciate all of the effort and good writing that went into this.
Good job, and I look forward to the next chapter! Plus, I really look forward to seeing the great Nathaniel Morgan again
I admit, when I started chapter 16, I'm intrigued as to how Absol could have rescued the child and brought it and the supplies away from danger. It does make for an interesting start to the chapter, at least, and I expect that you'll give us some explanation soon.
I particularly like this part; it just proves that the child still is a child in some ways, and having it peel string cheese is one way to show it (though who doesn't love to peel string cheese?).They look decent enough, and the child crams a few sticks into its mouth before settling down to peel the rest apart in curling, sticky strips, pulling more items out of the bag as it goes
This is really cute. Yes, I can tell that it's part training, but the playful aspect definitely is there and it's definitely enjoyable and seems to be overtaking the training part. It's just so much like a child would be, and that makes it so much more real.Play pretend. The child used to do that with Absol, half a game and half a way to practice its abilities. Now I'm an astronaut. I'm a famous scientist from Mossdeep, and I'm going to go to the moon! Now I'm a pirate! Now I'm a lawyer from Celadon City! I'll make all the bad guys go to jail! Change and change and change again. Do it faster, be more accurate. Come up with different names, different features--be someone new. Now I'm a fighter pilot with the Unovan air force. Now I'm the princess of a tiny region no one's ever heard of. Now I'm, umm... now I'm Red, the champion of the Kanto region. And you can be Pikachu! Come on, use thunder!
This is a beautiful transitionThe child gathers its strength and changes, changes so it doesn't feel anything at all. It stuffs the rest of the cheese into its mouth and goes back to rooting through the pack. The day is fading, and there's still work to be done. The least it can do is get some dry clothes on.
--
Somehow this leads to having an argument about fashion with a giant rat.
But in all seriousness, I do like the contrasts of the somber first part and the... unexpected-ness of the second.
The rat's got a point. I agree that homemade sweaters and tattoos don't really go together, but I'd be a liar if I said that I didn't want an adorable Charmander sweater."Hey, whatever, that's cool. I'm just saying you're a little better at the whole 'blending in' thing when you're pretending to be someone who's got fashion sense."
This. Just this. It shows the child-like mindset, and the short attention span, and at once it so wonderfully portrays his character and his current mindset. Plus, it's adorable, though I probably think that because I love children and all of their antics and their thought processes are so funny. Okay, I'll stop going on about the child-like stuff now; I just want you to know that you did a good job on it and it is one aspect of the story that I find most enjoyable"Why are you calling me that? I'm not a king." Keenan could be, though. Why not? He can be whoever you want.
AwwYou think you're the only one who notices that, for the first time in her life, Rats is late for dinner.
Rats is definitely a character easy to sympathize with, here. Her whole "I wish you were still you," calls back to when Titan was first angry and attacking the child for not really being his trainer. How well these Pokemon have been getting on knowing that their trainer isn't really their trainer is something that I had wondered about; sure, the child still loves them, but he's definitely someone else, and I can only imagine that it must be somewhat tragic for the Pokemon to deal with, though I'm not sure that all of them know that he's not actually their trainer. Though if Rats's attitude is anything to go off of, then there are certainly changes that they, at least, find noticeable.
Oh boy. This won't turn out good, will it? Genre-blindness is a pain :/Not that there's any reason to worry, of course. Mewtwo wants the same things it does, after all. He'll have no quarrel with the child.
How do Absol and the child know where to go to find Mewtwo? I know the child has memories of him, so does it work that he can locate Mewtwo through those and travel to where Mewtwo is? Or that it can feel Mewtwo's presence? Sorry if you explained it and I didn't remember; there are just so many ways to interpret how Psychic and Dark types work, and without a clearer explanation, I'm a little lost.
I think you need a "to" between "But" and "do." As a sidenote, I like how you explain how Pyschic-type's mind works. I, at least, find it interesting.But do that, and he can no longer read from nor speak to that person.
Well, if I remember correctly, the scientists from the first movie found one of Mew's eyebrows, which would technically make Mew a mammal. And if Mew is a mammal, then Mewtwo would be something as well, or at least something close.Underneath it all, the child supposes Mewtwo is but a cousin to mammals.
Assuming that you're using some canon from the first movie, of course.
And that chapter ends on a suitably-dark note! I like this chapter; not as much as I have said in previous chapters (though I'm also refraining from typing out every thought that comes to mind, since I feel it's a bit obnoxious of me to do so), but I like where this fic has gone. The current chapters are, in my opinion at least, more interesting, and your character interactions are engaging. I'm really enjoying all that you've done, and how far this has come
Chapter 17
I can't imagine that it would be that quiet, especially with the door torn down and no barriers between that and the main part of the Pokemon Center. I'm guessing that the noise from outside the center being made the searchers is blocking it out?You pick a likely piece of floor, off in a corner behind some washing machines, and dig in, ripping through concrete to the earth beneath. You dig down and down and over, under water lines and electricity, below sewers and subway tunnels, turning in the direction of the impact crater.
This whole paragraph is so cold. He's just so... inhuman.There are guards lying sprawled on the staircase, sporting only minor injuries but unquestionably dead. Convenient. You search their pockets. No pokédex on either of them, but they have identification in their wallets. Mel Gladstone and Tony Flores. You decide you'll be Tony, since his body lies a bit closer to hand.
Aww, only nineteen? I guess it's a reasonable age for a security guard, but it just seems young for him to be in that position....When you were nineteen years old, you died.
I could say that this whole paragraph si a bit much, but I'm a sucker for poetic writing like this. I know it's all arbitrary, unneeded, and can feel like too much, but I like it. I don't know, man, you just got this going on and I'm a sucker for this writing style.It's hard to concentrate on Mewtwo's scent, despite its strength. Just underneath is the smell of a human who passes this way often, male, late teens, suffering from some kind of virus in recent weeks. He's probably the one who gave it to his girlfriend, who also comes and goes, someone who spends a lot of time around poison-type pokémon and loves Sinnohan cuisine. Here too a nidorina carrying on her the scent of her rival, their blood mixing before your nose, the tale of their one-upmanship and spite layered day by day in the scent catalog lying bare before you. You could sit here for hours, sifting little dramas out of the floor, stories of people whose faces you do not know but whose lives you peer into through the traces of scent they leave behind.
The great Nathaniel Morgan?!He's here.
YEEEEESSSSSBesides, the great Nathaniel Morgan was going the same way as Mewtwo.
I guess this Mewtwo has the same prejudice as CanonMewtwo does.There are pokémon scattered here and there, too--unconscious, not dead.
And the above part is pretty gross, actually. Though it does show that our protagonist isn't put off by that sort of thing. Again, it really helps make him feel cold.
After reading all this carnage that Mewtwo left behind, at least it's apparent that he doesn't hate the main character all that much; after all, he left him alive.
Aww! I assume that was her trainer, and that he died and she's trying to rescue him without realizing he's dead?One pidgey escaped being crushed, and flutters around a hand protruding from the rubble. She drags at the debris pinning it to the floor, but they hardly shift.
And yet, in spite of what I said before, there are parts like these that show that the main character does have some heart in him.Honestly. They're just dead people. There's no reason to get so worked up. They're dead. They can't hurt you. They're dead.
I think you added a second "no" here by mistake.It's no no concern of yours.
This may be an obnoxiously small detail, but "oozes" is just the perfect word for this whole set-up; it matches the setting, and just everything.His tail lashes as he oozes pleasure.
As unhinged and frightening as Mewtwo is, I have to admit that he has a point.You dare stand there and tell me I don't understand? You, who has never been captured, who has no idea what it means to be someone else's property? You, who have always been the one giving the orders, enjoying your power over the pokémon you own? And you dare stand there and tell me that I--don't--understand?
And I'll be happy to see him as well ^_^You hope the great Nathaniel Morgan hasn't gone far. For once you'll be happy to see him.
This chapter was... good? It was certainly well-written and captivating, but it was really gruesome and morbid. Towards the end, I actually felt like it was playing out like a horror story; bodies lying everywhere, Pokemon going crazy and attacking trainers, an overwhelming force that killed everyone without exception--it made me feel really uncomfortable! If that's what you were going for, then good job! I can't say that I like this chapter, as this sort of subject matter just isn't my cup of tea, but it was essential to showing Mewtwo's character and just how darn powerful he really is. Regardless of how I felt about it, it was necessary and I appreciate all of the effort and good writing that went into this.
Good job, and I look forward to the next chapter! Plus, I really look forward to seeing the great Nathaniel Morgan again