Sam And Pichu

[~Nidoking~]

Chapter one:A boy and his Pokemon

It was a lovely bright day At Sam Elm`s home New bark town.Sam was an 11 year old boy with messey brown Hair,Blue eyes and A hight of 1`50 metres.He wore Blue jeans, A bright yellow t.shirt ,and a pair of Blue framed Glasses.As he lept out of Bed His Pet Pichu,A small yellow and Black mouse, lept in to his arms.

"Pichuuu"It called."Hey Pichu"Sam laghed"Do you want to come with me?" As He walked downstairs, Pichu Jumped on his Shoulder.

"Mum Im going to the Lab"He yelled.As he walked down the Street He remeberd that Pichu wasnt old enugh to go Out of the House."Hi Sam"Called Prof.Elm a Tall,Brown Haried Man."Im sorry only Chikartias Left"

"Oh Man"Sam grouned"Do you Have a Mudkip or Torchic??" There was a slicencie"Yes I was Saving a Mudkip for you!"Mudkip come meet Sam" A Red and white Pokeball Spun in the Air relasing A Mudkip,Wich is a small blue,White And orange Creature."Mud Mud"Cried the Mudkip.

Will Sam And Mudkip Get along?Find Out in chapter Two.

 

[Endoplasmic Reticulum]

Oy, you need major revising and editing

 

[Psychic]

It was a lovely bright day at Sam Elm’s home of New Bark Town. Sam was an eleven-year-old boy with messy brown hair, blue eyes and a height of a meter and a half. As he leapt out of bed, his pet Pichu, a small yellow and black mouse, leapt in to his arms.

“Pichuuu!” It called. “Hey Pichu,” Sam laghed. “Do you want to come with me?” As he walked downstairs, Pichu jumped on his shoulder.

“Mum, I’m going to the Lab.” He yelled.



“Hi Sam,” Called Prof. Elm. “I’m sorry- only Chikorita is left.”

”Oh man,” Sam groaned. “Do you have a Mudkip or Torchic??” There was a silence.

“Yes, I was saving a Mudkip for you! Mudkip, come meet Sam.” A red and white Pokeball spun in the air, releasing a Mudkip, which is a small blue, white and orange creature.

“Mud Mud!” Cried the Mudkip.

If you actually typed on a program such as Microsoft Word or a similar program and followed the rules of grammar, THIS is how your story should look. Names of people and places are capitalized- NOTHING ELSE. There is a space after punctuation (commas, periods, exclamation marks and question marks) and after quotation marks (when used for speech).


Now, please before you even both to post again, read the FANFICTION RULES and ADVISE FOR ASPIRING AUTHORS so you know what you’re doing wrong, why and how to improve. If you read through them, you’ll see that the two ‘paragraphs’ you wrote up does NOT make up an actual chapter. In fact, here it is counted as nothing more than a piece of garbage.



Also, things you might want to think about:
-Try to tell us what everything looks like. Sure, you gave a brief description of Sam, but is he wearing clothing? What does this ‘Prof. Elm’ look like? What about Sam’s room and Prof. Elm’s lab? Also explain more what these Pokémon look like.
-If he already had a Pokémon, why is he getting another?
-Why would Prof Elm say he only had Chikorita if he really had a Mudkip as well? Why is he lying to Sam?
-Give people personalities. They’re all acting like robots.
-Put actual time and effort into what you want to write. Don’t just think up something, stick it in the reply box and click ‘Post’. Most people have to work on a chapter for at least a week before they can post it- when they do this, the chapter should always be at least a page long on MS Word, but most get it up to about three or four. Your thing wasn’t even HALF a page.




I honestly can not help you until you’ve read the Stickies and put more than two minutes of effort into writing something up. Just go, and don’t post again until you can act decently like the rest of us.


crobat craver, this doesn’t seem to include you- please do not SPAM. If you have nothing helpful or useful to say, don’t say anything at all.



*walks off mumbling “this place has gone to the dogs” and other such phrases*

~Psychic