Sayuri

[Xiang]

I needed something to relieve me of my Writer's Block for You're Not Alone, so then I mixed up a little something. I decided to use this as a learning experience and maybe this will be one of my longer fics, but who knows?

This fic is rated PG-13 for occasional cursing, some violence and other things, but nothing that should turn you away the moment you read. I give warnings! ^_^

Sayuri is an original trainer fic, but don't turn away. Just because it's a trainer fic and it's like a normal person on a journey, it has more behind it. The prologue gives more than a start for a journey...

Review Criteria:
Criticism to the maximum. If you don't have any criticism, just point out things you liked rather than posting "great chapter. can't wait for the next, keep it up!" I want reviews that prove you actually read the thing.

Prologue

The crowd erupted like a volcano. The teenager's eyes clouded like a bottle of smoke as the loss swallowed her, and she fell into a sea of tears. She had been waiting for this chance since she began her journey, and it came to an end. Her family had put all their faith in her, and she had dropped their hope. The shattered pieces tore at her spirit.

"And the winner of this round is Ruth from Melon City!" the speakers boomed. Miyako's amber colored eyes glistened at the ground, and she slumped, hiding her shame and humiliation with her long, sandy-blonde hair. Without looking at anything except the dusty ground below her, she threw a red-and-white ball at the bodies in the field.

The crimson light that beamed out of the ball consumed a dragonfly-like creature. The other Pokeball released a similar flare at a cone-like individual, and they were both practically plucked from the cone and it seemed as if the ball had closed itself around them, concealing their battered physiques.

The spheroids flew back to their trainer, violating the law of nature in which gravity was declared. They flew threw the air slowing gliding upwards towards their thrower's hand. Her fingers closed around its glass-smooth surface, and gave it a squeeze, transferring her stress and agony into its hard, shell that was oblivious to her emotional pain.

The crowd's cheering faded, although perhaps it was her blocking the world out so she could have a bitter moment to herself. Echoes of the audience's noise crept into her head, and she shook her head to try to get them out, but then the full sound filled her ears and rattled her teeth, which were gritted.

Streamers of many, if not many then various colors sailed from the bleachers and twirled down onto the field at the victor's feet, and Miyako was jealous. Not the infamous green monster jealous, but so envious that her desire to be in the place of her opponent drilled a deep hole in her thundering mental sky, and no sunshine fluttered through; it was blank.

With only anger powering the blood pumping through her veins, she stood up and weakly walked off the field. She didn't strut, swagger, trudge, she just walked, as in she felt empty and distant inside, as if part of her were gone, and the remains had to spread out in a way that everything was apart and not in sync.

Miyako had a perfect reason to be angry. This was the grand tournament in which a trainer sent your companions, creatures called Pokemon, to a field and gave them orders as if they were army generals. But not just anyone could enter; entry required that you defeat recognized people called Gym Leaders, eight of them, and receive a badge as proof of victory. This indeed was an amazing feat for anyone to accomplish, yet Miyako completed the task with mastery only to lose her opportunity for fame in the first handful of rounds.

She stood in a lobby of an airport. Anonymous passerby gave her sympathetic looks, as she looked so defeated, but they didn't know anything. Miyako then had to make a decision. Should she go home for rest after a long year, or hide in shame as she looked for other regions?

She didn't want to be a coward. But facing her family after all that had happened would be tough. She then reached for a travel guide.

"I have no idea where I'm going," Miyako sighed as she flipped through, looking at some photographs of peaceful and appealing scenes of tourist attractions. She shoved the book back in its place and glared at it. "What am I doing?" she murmured. "What will I do?"

A small ray of sunlight appeared in her mind. Her answer floated down, and she knew that it wasn't going to be easy either way, but she could handle it.

"Sorry, Sayuri, I let you down. I'll make it up to you one day."
---
Ratiasu

 

[HB5squared]

she just walked, as in you felt empty and distant inside, as if part of you was gone,

Why is the narrator talking to me? You went from she just walk, to directly talking to your reader. It's improper to directly talk to your reader in a story. I wouldn't say: you felt sorry for me. I don't know if you do or don't feel sorry for me. Try this: she just walked, feeling empty and distant inside, as if part of her was gone,

This was the grand tournament in which you sent your companions, creatures called Pokemon, to a field and gave them orders as if you were an army general.

For this part I understand why you are saying you, but still... improper. Try:This was the grand tournament in which trainers sent companions, creatures called pokemon, to a field and gave them orders like an army general would to his cadets.

Also in that part, although it is not wrong, but you're writing like pokemon are a new thing and no one on this site knows about them... This is a pokemon site! It's not wrong to do this but I think for your first chapter you'll drop the whole: Dog is a four legged companion who mankind has adopted as, "Man's best friend"... routine. Everyone on this site knows what pokemon are

 

[Xiang]

Well, not neccessarily everyone knows, but thanks for the advice on the narrator talking to the reader. I see what you mean. I'll fix it ASAP. I really tend to do that a lot. XP

 

[HB5squared]

*giggles and looks at you stupidly* Yes, necessarily everyone on this site knows about pokemon. It is a pokemon site and thank you for fixing the whole talking to me thingy.

Keep writing, I like trainer fics... as long as they're original and move as far away from the 8 gym leader pokemon league idea. Perhaps, mix up the order she confronts the gym leaders or have new gym leaders. If she's strong enough for the pokemon grand tournament then she must be strong enough to go in a new direction then the normal path that most trainer fics seem to be taking. looking forward to your next installment

 

[Xiang]

Really?

Anyways, thank you very much for the review...s. XB

 

[Alastor DMc]

I thought it was a nice prologue. I agree with HB5squared, this is a pokemon board, and while every fic starts with the "pokemon are magical creatures who..." it's a little redundant to include it. This is a pokemon fan site, so anyone coming here knows what a pokemon is, heck anyone posting a reply can see 15 different pokemon on the right of the box.

Anyway, I like the start. If you stay away from the "get all 8 badges and win the tornament" style from here on out, then it could be an interesting story. Just remember to keep it original (and when I say original, I mean compared to things like the games, anime, manga, etc. not nessaceraly from other people's work)

 

[Sike Saner]

Criticism to the maximum. If you don't have any criticism, just point out things you liked rather than posting "great chapter. can't wait for the next, keep it up!" I want reviews that prove you actually read the thing.

I'll admit: I was a little intimidated when I read that first sentence. ^^;; Bah, but I always kind get a little nervous when I see specific review criteria laid out; I worry that I can't give a review that's worthy. I'm no critic, after all; I'm just a fan. Good thing I managed to read the sentence right after it before I slunk back into the shadows; that sentence was quite a relief. ^^

Anyway. Already, you're off to a good start. Things were described well, and you managed to avoid awkward phrasing. Points for the opening you chose; I really liked that sort of "where do we go from here?..." air hovering over the end of the prologue.

One thing I'm really curious about is this:

The crimson light that beamed out of the ball consumed a dragonfly-like creature.

I can think of three Pokémon that one might describe as dragonflies: Yanma, Vibrava, and Flygon. I find myself wondering which of those the Pokémon mentioned there might be...and yet, of course, I could be totally off and it's none of those three. Hmm...

With only anger powering the blood pumping through her veins, she stood up and weakly walked off the field. She didn't strut, swagger, trudge, she just walked, as in she felt empty and distant inside, as if part of her were gone, and the remains had to spread out in a way that everything was apart and not in sync.

I think you're doing quite a nice job of portraying emotions here. This paragraph is a prime example of your skill in that department.

thundering mental sky

I just wanted to point that out because that is just a really, really cool phrase there. Literary chocolate, that is. ^^

It's still too early in the story to really guess at what's in store, but so far, so good. ^^

 

[Xiang]

Thanks for the reviews!

The whole trainer thing will happen, but that's not the main focus of this fic, sure, that'll take up room, but then I add more on the gym battle, kk?

You can't really tell what her Pokemon is...we'll keep that a mystery. I think I need to clarify that it was...nevermind about what I just said.

That's one part I looove about writing fanfictions. I get to "show" my emotions through my writing, helping both me and the fic. I remember a time I felt the same way, and use that to help me whip this li'l thing up.

And that thundering mental sky came from this looong letter we are studying in English about Martin Luther King Jr. He wrote the letter while in jail to teh Birmingham clergyman. D:

Anyways, Next chapter in progress, then I might work a bit more on YNA...

~Ratiasu

 

[Xiang]

Next chapter. Yow. So long. I suggest that you get a snack to eat while reading this, this is really quite long be my standards. ^_^;

Chapter 1

A girl skipped down the earth path that led through the area. The path was covered in chunks of mud, and she breathed in the soft rural air and could smell the spring flowers peeking out from the remains of winter snow. White clumps that shone with moisture speckled the baby ground, and mountains posed in the distance. Everything in sight was a part of nature.

"It's a nice day, isn't it, Roze-chan?" she sang cheerfully, her lime-green eyes twinkling like stars. Her finger twirled around a strand of black hair. "The air's so clean, spring's back. I feel like a friend just came back from a long journey."

Roze-chan, who was a green thorn Pokemon on dainty tip-toes, chirped and nodded. She rested her arms for a second and let the petals of the roses, which were her hands, scrape the ground, and she took a deep breath. She closed her eyes and sighed daintily, but paused as the girl's eyes became distant, losing its bright and optimistic glint. <Sayuri?> it chirped, and it nudged the girl.

"I'm okay," the little girl sighed. "When do you think Miyako will come back? I really miss her..."

Her Roselia companion nodded sadly. She nudged her human friend and pointed down the earth path. The girl nodded. "You're right, Roze-chan, we should get going now. Ma will be worried."

Her bare feet cherished the cool feel of the ground. Its refreshing sensation rose up through her veins, tickling her skin. For a second she lost the anguish sting that nipped at her. She ran, her dress flowing in ripples like a pond's surface with the wind. Roze hopped with her, barely keeping up.

They ran until a cottage came into view. The rainbow-colored garden concealed the door of the frame house, and a yellow mouse with large ears stood on the stone gate. It waved at the girl approaching the house in the distance, and she waved back. "I'm back, Chibi-chan! Have you been good?"

Chibi-chan nodded. The Pichu hopped onto the girl's shoulder as she passed by, and she ran into the house, closing the door after her. "Ma, I'm home!"

A lady in a rocking chair swiveled around with some needlework in her hands. Her brown hair was in a lavendar bandana, and her gray eyes were friendly and narrow. "Sayuri, look." She held out a handkerchief. On it were bluebirds and flowers and sunshine made of tiny threads.

The bluebirds flew around innocently while the flowers bent over in the wind. The sun sent rays to bring color and light to the world, and all of that was on that handkerchief. Sayuri marveled at it, and she felt as if she were there, in that scene. She was soaking up the sunshine, smelling the flowers and listening to the bluebird's sweet whistling...

"Ma, that's beautiful," Sayuri said.

Ma nodded and held it out to her daughter. "I want you to have it, dear, I made it for you."

"Ma, why? When I leave on my journey, you'll need something to remind you of me," Sayuri said as she cocked her head.

Ma shook her head and thumped herself on the chest. "I'll have you with me right in here."

Tears formed in Sayuri's eyes. "Ma, I don't understand."

"Sayuri, I am your mother. You are like a reincarnation of me, except different in many ways. That makes you a part of me, so wherever you go, you'll be with me."

Sayuri nodded, though filled with uncertainty.

Her sleep that night was full of excitement and worry. She turned to Chibi-chan, who apparently couldn't sleep as well. "Chibi-chan, are you excited for me to get my trainer's license?"

The Pichu nodded eagerly.

"I know I can't start my journey until a little afterwards, but I'm excited anyways!" Sayuri flopped over on her bed and looked up at the ceiling. She traced out scenes of her trainer triumphs on the flat top of her room. Images of Sayuri celebrating victories flashed across her mind, but one made tears grow and trickle down her cheeks.

She visualized herself finally reuniting with Miyako, her sister. It was like a movie, except it was a wish, not just animation. Moonlight shone in her teardrops as they overflowed, and the sadness in the tears could've been as overwhelming as a deluge of longing.

Sayuri blinked slowly and as she opened her eyes, her curtains made morning sunshine glow pink. She turned her head lazily towards the clock and groaned.

"Two more hours until I get a license," she moaned. Roze-chan dusted herself as she rose from her seat near the window.

<Relax, it's only two hours,> the grass Pokemon mumbled. The Roselia strutted to the doorway and thumped down the stairs. <Sleepyhead.>

Sayuri turned to Chibi-chan. <Well, someone's in a bad mood today.>

She nodded in agreement. Her companion got up and gave his trainer a sympathetic look. <Either way, we should get up now.>

Sayuri stared at the door lazily as her other friend walked out after Roze-chan. She heard her mom treating her Pokemon like guests, and she shifted her feet under the quilt. "Chibi-Miyako, get up! You should get an early start everyday when you're a trainer, so start practicing!"

Sayuri blinked and heaved herself up and rubbed her eyes. Chibi-Miyako was her nickname, which meant that she was a younger image of Miyako, with the same face and chin as her sister. She still had to adjust to being occasionally referred to as that by her mother.

She perked up as she changed into a casual T-shirt and some denim shorts. She sat down next to Roze and Chibi on a polished wood chair and chewed her toast slowly. Roze-chan finished whatever her bizarre meal was and pushed her chair in after stepping out. <I'm going for a walk in the garden. Call me if you're needed.>

She walked to the glass door in the living room, slid it open and swaggered out into the sunshine. She disappeared among the stalks of golden sunflowers, as if she was never there. Ma chuckled. <Not everyone's bright and cheerful like the nice weather we're having today.>

Chibi wiped his whole face, which was covered in egg. Sayuri wondered how he got his breakfast all over his face, but didn't speak on the subject. <Why don't we go for a walk too and get Roze-chan cheered up? She'll need an optimistic attitude for a day as important to you as this.>

Sayuri nodded and hugged Chibi-chan as he jumped off the chair. "You're the best buddy any Tama could have."

Chibi transformed into a red bundle and and laughed, embarassed. <At least according to you.>

She loosened her arms, allowing Chibi-chan to climb onto her shoulder. She traced Roze's footsteps to the garden. The sun blinded her with an abrupt flash, and everything was blocked by its powerful rays for a second, then her pupils adjusted and shrunk to half its size, letting less light in and releasing Sayuri from the spell. She stepped carefully among the sunflowers, hearing their paper-like rustling sounds as she pushed them aside for walking room.

Sayuri went beyond the wooden gate that separated the garden from the wilderness. Roze-chan sat under the shade of a willow tree. Its thin branches bent over and draped its plentiful leaves like curtains. It acted as a dome for cooling any Pokemon that happened to need a break from the blazing heat of the sun. Roze-chan ignored them as they sat down next to her, their skin relieved of the outdoor oven.

"Roze-chan, what's wrong? You don't seem in a very good mood today," Sayuri said.

Roze looked and blinked at her trainer. <This day brings back bad memories...> Before Sayuri could say anything else, the Rose Pokemon got up. <I'm sorry I'm not all excited, especially on a day like this. Why don't we start for the lab?>

Sayuri smiled, although it was fake, no one could tell. "Okay, Roze-chan."

They got up and went back to the house, silent. They walked through the house just as quietly. "Ma, we're going now."

The mother got up from her swinging seat. "Sayuri..."

"Yes, Ma?"

Ma came over slowly and wrapped her arms around her only child. "Be careful. If anything happens, send Roze-chan or Chibi-chan back, okay? You're all I have left of my family in the world."

Chibi-chan nodded solemnly. <I'm on it.>

Ma held back tears, but only ending up leading them to trickle the sadness into her heart. It built up there and thrust around, paining her, but holding onto her daughter relieved the pain. She didn't want to let go, but pulled slowly away.

"I'll be careful Ma, you know I would."

She walked out back into the sunlight, and only her sweat helped her cool off. The air stirred, blowing a chilling feel on the sweaty spots of her body. Her Pokemon felt the same, and they walked more lightly under the wretched blows of the harmful yet magnificent star.

Everything ahead was a dot in the horizon, and among them was a white speck. "That's the place!" Sayuri announced, glad that they were finally getting somewhere. "Let's go!" She ran towards the speck, which gradually grew to a large size. It was a white building, with a large porch supported by Greek-style columns. Sayuri paused and dusted herself. She made sure that she was wearing shoes and her dress hadn't a stain. She walked, feet facing straight forward and heels off the ground first. Her arms were at her side, and she strutted past the unguarded gate and into the courtyard.

The stretch of land seemed more like a mansion or estate rather than a laboratory, but Sayuri walked forward. She climbed up the ivory-colored steps and lifted the metal ring that hung on the doorway with both hands, then released it gently so that it banged on the wooden door, maybe a little too loudly.

A shout and crash of glass was heard inside, and Sayuri covered her mouth as if to say "oops" without opening her mouth. The door clicked open and the assistant, a young lady with glasses and green hair in a ponytail, dusted her sooty lab jacket and grinned. "You must be Sayuri. Come in."

She was led inside. "We apologize for the crash, your knock surprised Professor Sycamore, and he sorta jumped."

"I'm sorry," Sayuri sputtered, embarrassed, but the assistant pat her on the back.

"Don't worry, it wasn't you fault. That metal thing is heavy, and Sycamore needed to wake up anyways." She chuckled. "Before you start calling me Madam, I'm Akane. Pleasure to meet you."

"Thank you, Akane," Sayuri said, feeling more relaxed.

Akane walked up to the shuddering figure in the back and came back out with a blue-haired man with glasses. "Uh, um, sorry, I'm Professor Sycamore." He took Sayuri's hand and shook it with his strong grip. "Pleased to meet you, er..."

"Sayuri," she said. She didn't know what to think of this person, but he was very friendly.

Sycamore stumbled to get a seat. "Ah, would you, er, take a seat, and I'll get to the license and all that stuff..."

Sayuri nodded and sat on the tall stool that was offered to her. She shifted around and got comfortable, and Sycamore went through many papers in his folder. Roze and Chibi sat next to her chair.

"Sayuri Tama, age eleven, birth date June twenty-third, in the year of 1994. Correct?"

Sayuri nodded.

"Family: Yoshiko Tama. Pokemon: Roselia, Level 8, Pichu, Level 4. Correct?" Sycamore adjusted his glasses. Sayuri nodded again, and she glanced down at Roze-chan and Chibi-chan. They smiled, and turned their attention back to the professor.

"Uh, alright, Sayuri, I'm Professor Sycamore, I study Pokemon and their DNA makeup and all that stuff that you don't need to worry about. I also register trainers into the data center of the Lican League and give them tips on starting."

Sycamore began on some "basics," and went into detail as soon as he found his paper. Sayuri listened carefully; she had to admit, it got a little boring after a while, as she already knew the information, but she was polite and didn't interrupt. Roze and Chibi fell asleep next to her as the professor was talking, but Sayuri nudged them awake.

"Any questions?" he finished. "No? That's great! I'll just register you into the main computer, and wait for the League's approval. Since they get many a minute, it'll take a while, so why don't you stay with Akane while I get back to my research?"

Akane whispered into the girl's ear, "More like take a nap," and they both giggled as Sycamore took his chair back among the glass tubes, beakers, and books.

"Say, do you want me to demonstrate a battle for you?" Akane offered. Sayuri nodded eagerly.

"Yes, please!"

"Alright, then, follow me out back," Akane said, and they walked out back of the large building into a sea of grass. Waves of them blew to the side, and the sunlight made them look silver; enchanting indeed.

The grass was tall, like the deep sea, except you knew that there was something under you to support your weight, and you wouldn't fall. Akane stopped and looked around.

"First step, obviously enough, is to find a Pokemon."

Sayuri looked around, and spotted a sleeping sloth-like creature resting on a tree. "Slakoth! Right there!"

Akane smiled. "Yes, it's a Slakoth, but it's sleeping. Pokemon usually get angry when bothered while sleeping. Let's look for something lively and awake."

A little bird flew down from the sky. It was a sparrow, mostly black over the head, back, and wings. It's wide yellow beak opened, and it chirped quietly.

"Ah, a Taillow. This one's up for a battle."

Akane took out a Pokeball and threw it in the air. The Pokeball slowed in midair for a second before springing open to reveal a small, black puppy-like creature. Poochyena howled and looked at its opponent. The ball hovered back to its owner.

The Poochyena felt free and excited after being released, and it stretched and sniffed the wind, which carried the scent of the Taillow. It followed the scent and found the location.

"Now you give your Pokemon a command. Tackle, Poochyena!" Akane shouted. Her sudden fierce tone made Sayuri and her Pokemon jump. The puppy ran into the grass and knocked into the little bird. It squealed, and pecked the dog back.

"Keep on tackling it!" Akane shouted. Her expression was stern. Poochyena ran towards the bird again, but the bird flew up to evade the attack. It came back down for another peck, but Poochyena ducked and tackled from under as it flew over.

The bird fell to the ground, exhausted. It then collapsed. Sayuri gasped, but Akane laid a reassuring hand on the girl's shoulder.

"It's alright," Akane said softly. "It only fainted, which means that I won."

They both kneeled down in front of the bird, and Sayuri felt sorry for it. The bird opened its eyes and mewed quietly. It seemed comfortable near them.

"I know this one," Akane said. "I hatched it from an egg recently. Sorry, baby," Akane crooned, and she picked it up. "It is common courtesy to help an injured Pokemon if you don't want to capture it by force."

Sayuri nodded, glad that being a trainer did mean having a heart. She followed the assistant back into the lab, and Akane found a handful of berries. She selected a bumpy, blue one. "This is an Oran Berry. It restores energy."

"Can't you just use a Potion?" Sayuri asked, but Akane shook her head.

"Natural cures work better, and Pokemon prefer berries more than anything else. You can try feeding it," Akane said. She handed the little bird to Sayuri.

She felt the fluffy, warm down of the bird and massaged its little wings, and felt warm inside to help a tiny animal. She took the berry and offered it to the Taillow.

"Here, little Taillow, this will make you feel better," Sayuri said, and Taillow took the berry with its beak and chewed it. It smiled contently and swallowed. Then it stood up on tiny talons and flew out the open door and into the sky.

Akane grinned. "You're good with little Pokemon; perhaps one day you can start a daycare as well."

Sayuri blushed, embarrassed. "Er, maybe."

Professor Sycamore ran in. "You've been accepted!"

"That's great!" Akane cheered. Sycamore handed Sayuri a card that read, "Official Scientist of the Year."

"What?" Sayuri said, utterly confused.

Sycamore fumbled as she returned the card, and he laughed nervously. "Sorry, wrong one." Roze and Chibi giggled. He then handed a card with a photo of Sayuri and some biography information. "Congratulations, now you're free to go!"

Sayuri nodded. Akane hit her playfully on the back. "Come back before you go; we don't get many visitors."

Sayuri nodded again, and walked out the door, her head light and dizzy with excitement. She turned back and waved at Akane, who stood in the doorway. "Bye!"

Akane shouted a barely-audible "bye" as the building shrunk back into the horizon as Sayuri walked down the path with Roze-chan and Chibi-chan for a while. Her skin was getting used to the heat of the sun, and she came to a forked road, and took the left path without hesitating. The territory around her was becoming more unfamiliar. The grass turned to rivers and the trees no longer stood on earth, but sand.

"Where are we?"

<I don't know,> Chibi-chan squeaked. Pebbles started to replace the sand, and the river started rushing in a crashing torrent.

<We're lost,> Roze-chan cried.

"Don't give up, we'll find our way," Sayuri tried to say, but the words clogged up in her throat. She scanned the landscape, which only puzzled her.

Then her foot hit a rock, and she fell over. But there was no ground beneath her, and she felt herself plummeting into the river. The cold, wet feeling swallowed her for a second before she popped back up for oxygen. Her heart beat as fast as an orchestra of rain. "Help!" Her voice was drowned by the swishing of the river current, and she was dunked under. Weakly, she flailed her hand about above the surface.

Roze and Chibi cried as they followed the arm sticking out of the water. Sayuri's lungs were about to burst, but then she felt something strong grab her hand and pull her out...
---

~Ratiasu

 

[Sike Saner]

Professor Sycamore ran in. "You've been accepted!"

"That's great!" Akane cheered. Sycamore handed Sayuri a card that read, "Official Scientist of the Year."

"What?" Sayuri said, utterly confused.

Sycamore fumbled as she returned the card, and he laughed nervously. "Sorry, wrong one."

^^ That got a laugh out of me.

Aww, Roze is adorable! So was that Taillow; birds are just naturally cute IMO, but the image of Sayuri feeding the Oran berry to the Taillow was just exceptionally cute. I like how you described the way that the bird felt fluffy to the touch; that's one of my favorite characteristics of birds. ^^ Chibi with egg all over his face was another cute and funny little image.

Moonlight shone in her teardrops as they overflowed, and the sadness in the tears could've been as overwhelming as a deluge of longing.

I had to highlight that, too; it was just so lovely. ^^

 

[Xiang]

All I can "say."

Sycamore's that kind of guy, nervous, stuttery, clumsy, yeah. Roze...well, dunno yet. Taillow little baby. Chibi=toddler=egg over face.

I just learned that word (deluge) and thought I should use it.

Now I owe you a review. Oh noez- er, I mean, yes! xD

 

[HB5squared]

then released it gently so that it banged on the wooden door, maybe a little too loudly.

This part confused me, how can you release something gently but have it BANG the door loudly?

PLease don't refer to levels, it makes you look unprofessional. Try and stay as far away from the GBA path as possible.

The atmosphere at the begining left something to be desired. YOu described everything as bright and happy but really, everything was quite sad. You might've been trying to be not so cliche by not having it rain but still I can describe a sunny day without having it sound cheerful.

Also, the ending seems to be rushed. grass, sand, rock, drowning, saved!

Other than that, I loved the description and characters. I'm waiting for chapter two with high hopes. good luck

 

[Xiang]

It was heavy. I think I need to edit something...

As for levels, that'll be almost the only time they're mentioned in the whole fic, but they help me keep track of things, like realism of strength. Little Miss Roze-chan couldn't beat a really strong Wooper. And it helps with attacks, but from here on, I'm using them without mentioning them.

Hm...

I'd have to agree. I wasn't really sure how to word the part, so I ended up not even wording it at all. Sorry. x.X;;

Yes, I'll need it. xP

 

[umbreon43085]

Not bad.detail needs a little work yet, it is comming along just fine. Keep up the good work, ratiasu.

 

[Xiang]

I haven't seen you around before. Thanks for the review!

 

[umbreon43085]

No problem. Can't wait to see the next chappie. Could you possibly draw the characters???

 

[Xiang]

Possibly...

I'm going to fine-tune the description of the next chapter before I post it up...it's gonna be long! Hopefully...

 

[umbreon43085]

Thanks. Can't wait for the next installment.

 

[Xiang]

Tis the season for the new chapter! Okay, that was really bad. Maybe it was better than this!: (Oh, by the way, please try to enjoy. I myself think that this was more of a filler, and it's really long and maybe be boring, so bring a snack if you wish. Not a snake. Unless you're weird like me. )

Chapter 2

The clasp of someone unidentified clutched tightly to Sayuri's arm, and she was dragged out of the shifting pull of the brook. Her clothing stuck to her skin, giving her unpleasant shudders. Air was absent from her lungs and she coughed up the water that clogged her oxygen intake. Her eyelids felt heavy was moisture as she opened them, but as she did, her eyes met a pair of serious azure-colored eyes.

Her rescuer's breath was warm on her damp skin, but his face was awkwardly close to hers, and they jumped back, startled and crimson with just as awkward embarrassment. They both looked at the ground, scared to meet each other's eyes for the moment. The boy rubbed his neck nervously. "Hey, er, you okay? I heard your Pokemon call for help."

Sayuri brushed back her sopping bangs and nodded. "Thanks, you saved my life." She got up and twisted her clothing at the ends of the sleeves and body. "I'm a mess..."

The boy turned red. "It was nothing," he stuttered. Roze and Chibi looked at each other and watched the two humans with interest. Roze chuckled to Chibi, as she loved romance, but Chibi was just confused.

Sayuri got herself half-dry, and the sun helped the river water in her garments to evaporate into invisible vapors. "I'm Sayuri, and I just got my trainer's license. I was on my way back home and I took a wrong turn."

"My name's Yuki. Yuki Onda," he said. He had hair as spiky as the grass and as silver as the moon, and his eyes were bluer than the river that Sayuri just fell in. He had a serious look about him.

"Nice to meet you, Yuki." Sayuri dusted herself. "I should get going."

Yuki paused. "Wait, can I take you home, since the path isn't always safe."

"Do you know where I live?" the Tama questioned, but Yuki shook his head quickly.

"I know a portion of this area, and I may have passed by your home once or twice," Yuki told her.

"I'm...grateful," Sayuri said, blinking. Roze muttered about how her owner could be so clueless about romance. Chibi shrugged, and they followed Sayuri and Yuki down the path.

Sayuri retraced her steps. The ground was rocky and uneven, then switched to a spicy beach theme. The air had a zesty feel to it, and Sayuri couldn't really describe it. The brook was now a silent stream that amplified the call of nature; trees gossiping, birds chattering, and the clouds whispering. Sayuri had never heard such things speak until she listened for it.

"Those are beautiful sounds," Sayuri said in awe.

Yuki nodded. "You can't see until you look, you can't hear until you listen, and you cannot learn until you experience," he said sternly.

Sayuri applauded. "You're so amazing, Yuki-san! I have just barely met you and you impress me!"

Yuki looked a little more than baffled at the sudden outburst, and he blushed. "I guess I could be."

<Young love,> Roze-chan sighed to Chibi-chan, but Chibi-chan rolled his eyes.

<Sayuri doesn't know the first thing about love. She hardly has ever seen anyone blush in her life at all, so she'll just think he has sensitive skin or something when he blushes,> he pointed out, but the rose Pokemon ignored him, lost in dreams of impossible reality.

Sayuri felt light-hearted with joy and she skipped ahead of the group. Well, that's what you can call happy-go-lucky. "Do you live in this area, Yuki-san?"

Yuki stared at the ground. "Maybe..."

Sayuri stopped and waited for Yuki to catch up. "Maybe?"

Yuki shook his head. "It's none of your business and you'd never understand. All I can say is I don't have a home. Period. Now let's get you going."

Sayuri was speechless. "What do you mean?"

He didn't answer. Sayuri shrugged, and walked past him. Yuki recognized her aura; somehow it effected him too. She had a glow of happiness; something that Yuki never had. Her aura was warm and touching, and when he approached her, he felt the same. Because of that, Yuki kept a distance as they walked. He didn't want it to soften him; making his heart open up to be as vulnerable as a baby bird. If he softened up, he would grow weaker.

"Oh, here's the forked road," Sayuri said glumly. She took the opposite path. "One little mistake can throw anyone off!"

Sayuri felt more comfortable with her surroundings as it switched back to open plains with the occasional gathering of trees. Yuki caught the full blow of it; the clean air, rustle of the grass, and silence of nature. Pokemon peeked out from the vegetation, and Yuki felt like a stranger in his home.

Sayuri's eyes caught the familiar sight of her cottage home, and ran towards it. "There it is! That's the place!" She ran past the wooden gate and disappeared for a second.

Yuki hesitated, and followed Sayuri slowly. Her Pokemon passed him, excited to get home, and Sayuri jumped into her mother's arms. Yuki stopped and watched from a distance.

"Chibi-Miyako, you're home! I was worried about you!" the motherly woman said. "You've been soaked! What happened?"

"I took a wrong turn and fell into a river, but Yuki-san over there saved me," Sayuri said. She waved to Yuki, who didn't want to get into this. Yuki weakly waved back, and Sayuri ran over and grabbed his arm. "Come and meet my mother, Yuki-san!"

Sayuri didn't wait for an answer. She pulled him to the the cottage entrance, and Yuki spotted her mother's aura as well, only that this one reeked of depression. Ma smiled through her anguish, strong as it was.

"Ma, this is Yuki-san, Yuki-san, this is my mother," Sayuri introduced.

Ma smiled weakly through her deep, clawing sadness and shook Yuki's hand. "I'm very grateful to you, Yuki."

Yuki could hear his heart beating, but it calmed as soon as he knew that Ma could be trusted. Her touch was comforting.

"Why don't you stay for a while and tell us about yourself?" Sayuri jumped at the chance to welcome him in, so he had to accept for the sake of first impressions. They opened a wooden door to the quaint inside of the house. Everything was wood, and it had been polished to a shine recently. Yuki could almost see his reflection on the floor, and behind the glass doors was the garden. Yuki didn't show any interest in that, but he admired the cleanliness of the place.

Ma pushed out two chairs. "Lunch is almost ready; why don't you take a seat?" she offered kindly. Yuki sat down and relaxed. Sayuri took the seat next to him.

"You seemed tense when we first came in," Sayuri said.

"It's just that...I hadn't a place to call home back near the river," Yuki said.

The aroma of some exotic foods floated into the room. Sayuri sniffed and shifted in her seat. "That smells wonderful. Yuki, what did you eat back at your place?"

"Any random wild berry, fruit, or fish I found," Yuki mumbled.

"Really? It was that bad?" Sayuri asked.

"I don't need your sympathy," he growled. "I went fine on my own."

Sayuri's face fell. "Oh."

The scents grew overpowering as Ma came into the room, cautiously balancing the tray of food on her hand. She lay it slowly on the table, and Sayuri held back her will to leap on it. Ma poured herself a mug of boiling water. Steam twisted and swirled around as it flew into the air, and Ma put a sack of tea leaves in the water. "Yuki, you can start now."

Yuki stared at the table. "My last name is Onda. I had a joyful life for my first ten years, but after my tenth year, things changed. People threatened us, and we feared for our lives."

"Why?" Sayuri asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

"We owned a great land for public use with the beautiful landscapes, so many companies and other corporations offered us another home in exchange for our land, but my father's ancestors have tamed the land many, many years ago, and we didn't want to leave. It got to the point where all the companies except one, an evil team called Team Crystalline threatened to slay us if we didn't hand over the land. They wanted to use our land for their illegal purposes."

Ma nodded. "So you refused."

"Yes. It was a bold move, and one night, my parents hid me in a secret area of the house that only our family knew about. It was a cellar that hid under a giant tile on the bathroom floor. I stayed there, cold and hungry for a day. I heard noises above and yelling and stomping, then it faded. I heard nothing except the ghostly moans and creaks of the cellar, and I summoned up my courage and peeked out."

Sayuri breathed and hiccuped in fear. The suspense crept up her bones and made her shudder.

"My parents were gone. I don't know where they went, but they were taken," Yuki sighed. "I have been fending for myself in the wild for years with the help of wild Pokemon. I got a job to earn my keep, but my master no longer needed me, so then I traveled for a while before returning to find that my home had been uprooted and transformed into urban usage. So I moved."

Yuki surveyed Sayuri's aura of soft-heartedness again. It was love that made him vulnerable to grief when his parents were gone. He didn't want to feel soft again.

"Either way, I don't need anyone's help. I want to get my revenge as soon as I get the right team. That day, I'll teach Team Crystalline a lesson they'll never forget." He wrapped his hands into a fist, and he looked from mother to daughter. Would they understand?

Ma smiled, and her gloomy aura weakened. "I like your spunk, Yuki."

Yuki's shoulders loosened and the tension disappeared. "Why?"

"You remind me of my brother when he was your age. It brings back so many fond memories."

Even Sayuri stared at her mother, simply confused. She pondered through the silent meal, and Ma had to run a few errands, leaving Sayuri and Yuki behind. Yuki was stunned at her comment. This family bond... maybe it was truly something he had yearned for. The longing to be just like Sayuri, with people at your side, overwhelmed him, and his external body kept it trapped within.

Sayuri gave him a tour of the house, and Yuki pretended to pay close attention, but his mind was wondering off somewhere else. Somewhere were only memories, old, new, all sorts were relived behind the eye.

A man with glasses and graying hair sat in front of a computer. He massaged his temples and sighed. His wife, with red hair, stood next to his office chair. The image is blurry and distorted, as this memory's truthfulness has been questioned.

"More threats, honey?"

"I'm getting tired of these, Kristen. What is up with these people? We say no, we mean no."

"I know, dear. I'm going to bed, it's late."

They bade each other good night, and a silver-haired boy with large, turquoise eyes crept down the stairs. "Daddy, why do they send you hate mail?" he asked.

"They don't know what our home means to us," the man told his son.

"When I grow up, I'm going to kick their bu-"

"Son?"

"I mean, I'm going to show them who's boss!"

"That's my boy!" Daddy said, and he lifted his son up and hugged him. "You're only nine, but we can get you a license."

"And then I can kick their bu-"

"Yuki?"

"And then I can teach them a lesson, just like you could!" Yuki laughed and corrected himself.

"Yuki, are you awake?" Sayuri said, fanning him.

Yuki jumped, startled. "What?" He found himself on one of the plush couches. The area he sat in was warm, as if he had been there for a while. "What happened?"

"I was talking, and you kinda lost your place and fell asleep while standing," Sayuri said to him with a tone of hurt and amusement in her voice. A smirk tugged at her lips.

"And how did I get here?" Yuki asked, and waiting for an answer, he reminded her that he was at least a year older than her, so there was no way she could carry him.

"I got a lot of help," Sayuri admitted. She gestured to a collapsed Pichu and a napping Roselia. Yuki turned red for a second and then stepped away from the girl. He reached for the door, fearing that this family bond that he wanted so badly would only hurt him in the end. "Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving. Thank your mom for me," Yuki grumbled. He had to admit to himself that he didn't want to leave, but if he stayed too long...

He collided with Ma, who was returning home. They fell down, yet Ma kept a hold on her groceries.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Ma offered him her hand, and she lifted him up despite the fact that he refused. "Taking a walk?"

"Maybe," he mumbled.

They both walked back into the house, and Yuki sighed.

Sayuri spotted him coming in, and a thought pushed itself into her head, but she ignored it, then she remembered that she was leaving the morning after tomorrow. Another thought nagged at her, but she resisted it again, until Ma herself brought it up.

"Yuki, I want to ask you something," said Ma as she put her shopping bags onto a kitchen counter.

Yuki nodded, curious of what she was going to say. His temples throbbed with excitement, but he didn't show it.

"Since Sayuri is going to begin her journey, and you don't have much else to do, I want to know if you can be Sayuri's guardian while she's on her journey. She's gentle and soft-hearted, but doesn't know much about the world outside her home."

Yuki hesitated, but Ma reassured him. "You don't have to accept, in fact, I can pay you if you-"

"Have some sense, Miss Tama, after all, it could help me as well." Ma threw the boy a look of puzzlement, and he went to explaining. "My goal is to build a team of Pokemon that can pay Team Crystalline for all they've done to me."

"I see," Ma murmured. She pressed her pointer and middle finger on the boy's forehead, and from there was a hearty warmth. "You are now responsible for protecting my only daughter. You are also considered family."

Yuki pulled away, startled. "You will keep your last name if you wish," Ma reminded him, and he exhaled the sack of air he held back. He rubbed his forearm and felt something tingling there.

Sayuri looked at him with twinkling eyes. "You'll stay, won't you, Yuki-san?"

Yuki excused himself and walked halfway up the stairs. His ear caught them talking...

"So, what do you think of him?" Ma asked her daughter, and Yuki turned a deep shade of scarlet. He waited impatiently for Sayuri's answer, and heard only part of the sentence.

"He...Suki...I guess," she blurted.

Yuki's heart jumped and beat twice as fast. According to his mental dictionary, "suki" meant somewhat along the lines of fondness and love.
---
~Ratiasu

 

[Sike Saner]

so bring a snack if you wish. Not a snake.

Hm, I’d rather the snake. ^^

Roze and Chibi looked at each other and watched the two humans with interest. Roze chuckled to Chibi, as she loved romance, but Chibi was just confused.

The Pokémon are showing some nifty personality here. Very nice. ^^

The brook was now a silent stream that amplified the call of nature; trees gossiping, birds chattering, and the clouds whispering. Sayuri had never heard such things speak until she listened for it.

"Those are beautiful sounds," Sayuri said in awe.

Yuki nodded. "You can't see until you look, you can't hear until you listen, and you cannot learn until you experience," he said sternly.

This part is very lovely and expressive.

<Young love,> Roze-chan sighed to Chibi-chan, but Chibi-chan rolled his eyes.

<Sayuri doesn't know the first thing about love. She hardly has ever seen anyone blush in her life at all, so she'll just think he has sensitive skin or something when he blushes,> he pointed out, but the rose Pokemon ignored him, lost in dreams of impossible reality.

That part made me laugh. ^^

"When I grow up, I'm going to kick their bu-"

"Son?"

"I mean, I'm going to show them who's boss!"

"That's my boy!" Daddy said, and he lifted his son up and hugged him. "You're only nine, but we can get you a license."

"And then I can kick their bu-"

"Yuki?"

"And then I can teach them a lesson, just like you could!" Yuki laughed and corrected himself.

So did that. Cute!


That chapter showed some nice character-wielding there, both with regards to the human and Pokémon characters. Dang, Yuki's only just showed up and I'm already interested in him, so good work there, definitely. ^^