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Seeking for Trouble

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Dormant, Jan 23, 2013.

  1. Dormant

    Dormant I'M A TREE RAWR

    Hello, this is my first fan fiction that I made. I want feedback on this fanfiction, so I could make it better so yeah....... Enjoy!:)

    Rated PG-13 or below or not....depends

    Genre: Comedy and Action

    EDIT: This is the Prologue Arc, there Arcs in this story so I recommend that you would read all of the story so far before you review it.

    So enjoy!

    Prologue

    Once upon a time, there was a boy named Idolon, he is from Lentimas Town in Unova. He is 10 years old and lives in a lonely house next to the Pokemon Centre.

    He lives alone in that house ever since he was born. His parents have left him in that house with nothing but food, money, books, toiletries, appliances and......you get the point.

    Idolon wears a white buttoned shirt with a red tie that is long enough to cover up the buttons , a deep black vest, a completely black businessman's hat and a completely black jeans with black and grey shoes. He has black eye mains and had a pale skin.

    It may seemed that Idolon lives alone, that is until one fateful day.

    When he was young, a group of kids dared him to enter the Strange House. Idolon initially refused but the kids kept calling him names. Idolon finally gave in and went into the house.

    Idolon was somewhat afraid of entering the house, at first he wanted to enter the house when he was ready, because he heard that there are Ghost-type Pokemon over there.

    Idolon loves Ghost-type and Dark-type Pokemon but he knows that entering a house filled with one of those types is not a smart move, but the kids pried him into entering the Strange House.

    When Idolon first entered the Strange House, he immediately sense presences all over him, the Strange house has weird looking plants and old furniture that seems to be shaking, torn walls and a big messy carpet in the center.

    At first Idolon was immobilized but then the sounds of the kids parents shifted him to reality, the kids outside then ran back to the town leaving Idolon in the house.

    Idolon began investigating the pots and furniture. He then found a Pokemon floating above him, giving a surprise of a lifetime, giving him a fall on the butt to the wooden floor.

    It was a Banette. Idolon have always wanted a Ghost-type Pokemon as his starter since he likes Ghost-types but he also wants a unique starter Pokemon that is not a Snivy nor an Tepig and not even an Oshawott. Idolon bought 5 Pokeballs so he could catch one. Idolon does not want to have Banette as his starter because it doesn't suits him and that he finds Banette a not good enough Pokemon.

    The Banette was staring at Idolon as Idolon stare it back and felt a shiver down his spine. Idolon is afraid that the Pokemon would attack him, but it didn't. Instead the Banette left. Idolon thought he was safe until a lady appeared in front of him. It is a ghost.

    Idolon had heard rumors of human ghosts appearing in the Strange House, but he thinks its an illusion made by Ghost-type Pokemon but the rumors turn out to be true.

    Idolon was about scream, run, cry, then run again like a Skitty but then the ghost women talk

    "Who are youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupieuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuupoopuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu"

    Idolon responded "I a-a-a-am Idolon, who are y-y-you? And did you just said poop?"

    "What are you talking about? I did not said poop hehe........ I MA GHOST!! OOOoooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhh!

    "Erm, Okay...." (She's one dang crazy ghost)

    "I am err....."

    "Err, what?"

    "........................................................................................... DON'T JUDGE ME!!! I HAVE FEELINGS!! EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NO BODY AND NERVES!!!"

    Idolon fidget and said"Okaaaaaaaayyyyy....... I don't know whether to feel scared or feel awkward..."

    "Yeah I feel awkward as well, So why are you here young nosepicking one?"

    "Okay, I do NOT pick my nose!"

    "Whatever, why are in my crib son?!"

    "Are you trying to Moder-"

    "ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!!!!"

    "I'm here because some guys dared me to come here and see whether or not I'm a wimp please don't hurt me please" Idolon answered as quickly as possible

    "Grr... Dares...Kids...potatoes.... grr...."

    "Err... Okay.. and I'm also here for a Ghost-Type Pokemon for a starter so..." Idolon tries not to questioned the ghost about the potatoes since he valued his life.

    "Are you too young to get a starter Pokemon?"

    "Okay.. Yes but I wanted a Pokemon not only for a starter but also......for a friend, I live alone and I am lonely, I got no siblings nor parents so I figured I should get a Ghost-Type Pokemon as a friend"

    "Wow, that sadder that how I die.. its even more sad to think my death is less sad than your story" sniffs the ghost.The ghost starts forming spectrum tears

    "So how do you die again?"

    "I trip and fell..."

    "How is-"

    "I HAVE A CONDITION!!!! plus why would you want a Ghost-Type Pokemon as a friend? "

    "I like Ghost-Types and Dark-Types"

    "Oh, okay that's fine. Actually I think I have a Pokemon just for you!"

    "Really?!?"

    "Yeah, come out Misdreavus!!" whistled the ghost

    A Misdreavus appeared as it phased through the wall

    "This is Misdreavus"

    "Misdree!"

    "Misdreavus, is also alone, there are other Ghost-Types here but Misdreavus is the only one of his kind to be here and is quite lonely. I think he is suitable for you is he?"

    Idolon looked at the Misdreavus and the Misdreavus looked back

    "He's perfect"

    "I figured he might be, so Misdreavus do you like to be his friend?"

    "Misdree!"

    "Well, it looks like you have a new partner!"

    "Yes!! Erm... so do I catch him or something?"

    Misdreavus and the ghost began talking about that and came up with an answer

    "Do you need catch him to own him?"

    "Actually, I do!" said Idolon after remembering the Pokemon Rules

    "Okay, Misdreavus *pulls out a pokeball* are you ready?"

    "Misss!"

    Idolon threw the pokeball at Misdreavus, the ball didn't even move and then the ball clicked indicating the Pokemon has been captured.

    "Well, I'm gonna miss Misdreavus, but hey he got himself a friend now"

    "Yeah" Idolon pressed the button on the Pokeball and out came forth Misdreavus

    "I think I should let him out most of the time so that we can actually be best friends, is that okay to you Misdreavus?"

    "Miss!!" cried Misdreavus happily

    "Alright, now I can finally go back to sleep... Oh wait, I can't. BECAUSE I'M FREAKING DEAD!!"

    And Idolon went out of the house away from that awkward crazy lady ghost with his new friend Misdreavus and went towards town.

    And the house has gained a new resident.

    ___________________________________________________________

    And that's the end of the Prologue! I will be adding more chapters that is about Idolon's adventure.


    PLEASE REVIEW!!!! Tell me if you liked the story so far and correct me of any mistakes so I can make this fic better

    So Dormant;429; signing off...
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2013
  2. jynxed

    jynxed Member

    I'm gonna go out on a limb here and assume your first language isn't English, so you'd be better off having a native speaker proofread your work before submitting so that you content can be better analyzed. For now it's hard to look past the mistakes, but I've quoted some examples below that I hope help in terms of grammar. If you need something explained to you feel free to message me.

    First of all, what is a "freaking time?" I don't understand what you meant by that. Also you need to be careful of tenses because you switched from past to present.

    The tense situation here is difficult. You should use present perfect "He has lived" in the first sentence because it's an ongoing situation that started in the past (ever since he was born) and continues into the present. In the second sentence simple past (His parents left him) would probably be more effective since it's emphasizing a singular moment that occurred in the past.

    Mentioning that the tie covers the buttons is awkward. Simply denoting the tie as long would be enough. Also, what's a business hat? I have no conception of what that looks like so more description there is necessary. I'm confused about eye mains as well. Skin doesn't usually take an article except in very specific situations, so here you'd be better off just saying, "He has pale skin." Also watch your tenses again.

    Tenses! Really the rest of the story is full of tense errors. You need to keep the same general tense (past or present) throughout the story, and you need to work on your perfect tenses.

    I'm not sure if you're trolling or what but this is all very strange. The drawn out word is a bit much, especially with the odd attempt at humor. It really detracts from the story.

    A few things here. 1) Don't use faces as stated in the rules. 2) Okay shouldn't be capitalized and ellipses should really be used sparingly, not just as a way to end every bit of dialogue. They are supposed to represent an omission, not to represent someones voice dragging out or trailing off. 3) Parenthetical asides detract from the story in the same way faces do since they make it obvious one is reading a story.

    The rest of the dialogue has the problems mentioned above, so I won't point out each individual case. The random word placement in the dialogue (pie, poop, potatoes, etc) isn't humor so I'd remove it.

    Writing *sniff* makes this like reading an internet chat as opposed to a story. If you want to have her sniffling, you could write something to the effect of:

    The ghost replied, sniffling, "Wow," etc etc.

    Also, using bold text shouldn't be used as a crutch for descriptive dialogue. Say that she screamed, shouted, yelled, whatever. Don't just put it in bold and caps so we know it's loud.

    I'll leave it to someone else to comment more on the content but I really couldn't get a feel for the characters/dialogue due to the mistakes listed above. Please make sure you proofread or have someone else edit it before posting.
     
  3. Dormant

    Dormant I'M A TREE RAWR

    Well this is my first fanfiction, and I'm actually trying to make it funny, but I see your points and try to make the story better, and if I fail to be funny well, I'll just see what I can do.....

    Plus I am trying my best to describe my characters and their looks and if you don't know whats what I suggest googling it.
     
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2013
  4. Dormant

    Dormant I'M A TREE RAWR

    Oh, boy I almost lost all confidence of making this fanfic so anyway I edited my Prologue and here's Chapter 1! (If I am breaking any fan fiction rules, leave a shout!)

    Chapter 1: The Beginning of an Adventure

    Idolon is looking forward for his birthday.

    Ever since he read about Pokemon, he wanted to become a trainer. He knows a lot about Pokemon more than anyone in his town. He mostly get his knowledge through the numerous books in his house, he had been reading all of them and knows a lot of things about Pokemon. But there are some books which Idolon really likes. And these books are about Legendaries. Like a lot of people, Idolon likes legendary Pokemon. He likes them for their powers and myths surrounding them, but the legendaries that Idolon know are the Unova Legendaries and Cresselia. So, Idolon decided to become a trainer so he could use his intelligence for battling and travel the world to find knowledge.

    Idolon is now 10 years old, and is ready to be a trainer.

    It said that today, a Pokemon Professor is coming to Lentimas Town to give out Pokedexes and Starter Pokemon to the children of Lentimas Town. Idolon has been preparing for this day. The day he becomes a trainer.

    While Idolon is busy cleaning up his notes and books, he heard the sound of a plane landing at the airway and sound of children running towards it, he knew the Professor had arrived.

    "Come on Misdreavus! The Professor's here!" Idolon shouted.

    Misdreavus the phased through the wall and followed Idolon outside, where they ran(or rather Idolon ran while Misdreavus glide faster) towards the plane.

    But then he stopped in the middle of the road.

    He heard some noises behind the Pokemon Center, so he and Misdreavus investigate the source of the noises. When he was at the corner of the building he saw two figures. One is a short young boy with a yellow T-shirt and blue pants with a Pokeball on his hand. The other one is big fat boy with a big blue T-shirt and shorts, he too has a Pokeball in his hand. Idolon figured they already achieve their starters and Pokedexes from the Professor. Idolon recognised the fat boy. He was the one of the kids who pried him into entering the Strange House. And the fact he is the bully of this Town, and always mocks Idolon for his intelligence and favoritism to Ghost-Type. Idolon called the fat boy 'the Great Fatty'.

    "HA! You and your Pokemon lose! Now give me your money!" shouted the Great Fatty.

    "You won because you cheated!!" shouted back the young boy

    "Rules are that whoever losses a Pokemon battle has to give the winner their money. So where's my money?"

    "You cheated! I refused to give you my money!"

    "Alright punk! You ask for it! I'm gonna-"

    "Hold it!" shout Idolon as he walked towards the two kids along with Misdreavus.

    "Well, well, well if it isn't the Ghost boy! What do you want nerd?!" mocked the Great Fatty

    "I want you to stop threatening this person or els-

    "HA! What are going to do? Scare me with your Misdreavus? HA! Your ghost won't scare me! I have myself a Pokemon that your ghost will never beat!"shouted the Great Fatty

    "Are you challenging me?" said Idolon

    "What's it to you? I say we should fight! So I could shut your face once and for all!" said the Great Fatty

    "Okay lets be reasonable now." started Idolon

    "You're just scared to battle with me because you know that ghost of yours sucks" gloated the Great Fatty.

    "Misdreavus does NOT suck! I'll show you!" shouted Idolon as Misdreavus growled at the Fatty

    "Then lets have a battle"said the Great Fatty

    "Idolon don't he has-" began the young boy

    "Shut up!"

    Idolon glared angrily at the Great Fatty

    "Fine, Misdreavus go!"

    "Misdree!" shouted Misdreavus as he moved in front of his trainer

    "Heh, you're so gonna lose! Go, CONKELDURR!!" shouted the Great Fatty as he thrown his Pokeball

    The Conkeldurr was unleashed to the battlefield eyeing on the puny Misdreavus and raise two of her concrete pillars and let out a roar.

    "You have a Conkeldurr?! But how? There's no way the Professor gave you something so powerful as a starter!" exclaimed Idolon

    "Hah! I only got my Pokedex from that hot chick, my father gave me his trusted Pokemon, and now she's gonna crush your puny Misdreavus once and for all!!" said the Great Fatty

    "I don't think so! Misdreavus, use Psybeam!!" said Idolon

    The Misdreavus eyes glowed in multiple colors and fired a multicolored beam from his eyes at the the Conkeldurr's chest. The Conkeldurr fell down after it got hit but she stood up once again with the help of her pillars.

    "HA! Weak! Conkeldurr use Dynamicpunch!" shouted the Great Fatty

    The Conkeldurr raise her fist to hit the Misdreavus

    "Misdreavus use your Psybeam before she could punch!"

    Misdreavus quickly shoot multicolored beams from his eyes at the Conkeldurr's chest. The Conkeldurr staggered and finally regained balance.

    "Grr. Quickly use Strength!!" shouted the Great Fatty

    The Conkeldurr swings her pillars over her head to hit Misdreavus, however the Misdreavus phased through the pillar as if he isn't there.

    "WHAT! How did it not hurt him!! Are you cheating!? You must be!!" exclaimed the Great Fatty

    "Idiot. Misdreavus is a Ghost-Type. Ghost-types are immune to Normal and Fighting-type moves" said Idolon

    "But all of Conkeldurr's moves are Fighting-type!!"

    "Is it so? Heh heh heh. Then this should be easy. Misdreavus use Psybeam at Conkeldurr until she's down!!"

    "Miss!" Misdreavus the continuously fire multicolored beams from his eyes at Conkeldurr. The Conkeldurr took any hits until she finally fell on the ground and fainted. The boys and the Misdreavus looked at the fallen Conkeldurr.

    "No....way...." said the Great Fatty, breaking the silence.

    "That...was...AWESOME!!" shouted the young boy

    Idolon and Misdreavus looked at each other and started laughing as Idolon hugged his Pokemon. They did it. They won their first trainer battle. It was sweet sweet victory.

    "Looks like your Conkeldurr got beaten up by my 'puny' Misdreavus." began Idolon

    "This is not over!" shouted the Great Fatty

    "Well, I think it is."said a new voice

    The boys and Misdreavus looked at the source of the voice. It was the Pokemon Professor. She was standing at the corner of the Pokemon Center.

    "I heard a noise right after I gave this two their Pokedexes" the Professor pointed at the young boy and the Great Fatty.

    "And I went to investigate, And when I got here, I saw you two fighting in a Pokemon battle." said the Professor

    "So, you saw my Pokemon defeat the Conkeldurr" said Idolon

    "Why yes, I must say you got a pretty good Pokemon. Is this your first time battling?" said the Professor. Idolon nodded

    "Wow, your first Pokemon to battle is a Conkeldurr, speaking of the Conkeldurr." the Professor looked at the Great Fatty

    "Did your father gave you that Pokemon?" said the Professor. The Great Fatty nodded

    "I have to tell you're father, that you are not allow to go on an adventure with that Pokemon"

    "What?! Why?!" questioned The Great Fatty

    "Because you're not yet an experience trainer, like the battle just now shows how much you need to learn." said the Professor

    "But, What Pokemon can I use?!"

    "I have starter Pokemons, After you return that Conkeldurr to your father, I will give you one. And as for you" the Professor look at Idolon

    "Do you receive your licence and Pokedex?"

    "No,...... wait does that mean I broken a rule by battling without a licence?!" said Idolon. The young boy and the Misdreavus looked shocked. The Great Fatty suddenly grinned

    "Well, yes but I think I'll let it slide since this guy used an Overpowered Pokemon on unexperiance Trainers." said the Professor

    "So, does that mean I can be a trainer?!" said Idolon excitedly

    "Well, you can't be a trainer without one of these" The Professor pulled out a Pokedex from her purse

    "Thank you" said Idolon.

    "You can get your licence at the Pokemon Center. If you need me I'll be at the boy's house to sort out his Pokemon" and on that note. The Great Fatty and The Professor left.

    "Thanks for helping me out back there, Your Misdreavus is awesome I wish my Pokemon is as strong as him.....And that's why I'm going to train my Pokemon so that guy just now won't beat me ever again! So thank you, my name is Josh and I'll see you later!" said the young boy as he ran towards the Reversal Mountain, leaving Idolon and Misdreavus alone behind the Pokemon Center

    "Come on Misdreavus, Its time to get my licence" said Idolon

    The boy and the Pokemon began walking/gliding towards the front of the building. Where the boy will begin as a trainer the moment he received his licence.

    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    And that's Chapter 1! Well, I think the prologue isn't making anyone laugh so I made a serious chapter. I hope you enjoy this Chapter.

    Please give me feedback to see whether to continue this story or not.


    So Dormant;429; signing off...
     
  5. Dormant

    Dormant I'M A TREE RAWR

    Chapter 2

    Idolon just got out of the Pokemon Center when he went in to heal up his Pokemon. He wonders how the Nurse could get out of that counter she was standing behind, cause there isn't any small doors or anything that can make a person go behind it, much less go out. Idolon began walking towards the airway and found that the Pokemon Professor is there by a big plane.

    "Hello, there! I just want to let you know that the boy just now won't be using that Conkeldurr anymore! You can call me Professor Juniper, I believed I never got you name Mr.-"

    "Idolon, that's my name this is Misdreavus." said Idolon

    "Misdree!" Misdreavus responded

    "Yes, well I did saw your Misdreavus just now in the battlefield, but where do you get this Pokemon? Misdreavuses aren't usually found in Unova" said Professor Juniper

    "I found him at the Strange House I-"

    "Strange House?!? What were you doing over there!? Its dangerous!" exclaimed Professor Juniper

    "Well, some kids pried me into the house and I found a Misdreavus, so I caught him" said Idolon

    "Well in that case, Why is there a Misdreavus in that house?" questioned Professor Juniper

    "Err...Magic?" answered Idolon

    "Well, either way, I need to investigate the house before I go to Kanto so I-"

    "Did you say KANTO!?" interrupted Idolon

    "Why yes, I'm going tomorrow to see Professor Oak, why?" explain Professor Juniper

    "Can I come with you to Kanto?!" said Idolon

    "Why?"

    "Because I want to travel the world, Unova is great and all but I think I'll travel to other regions first, then come back here." explained Idolon

    "Hmm, well, in that case, Sure! I would like to see how many Pokemon you would see in these regions!" said Professor Juniper

    "Yesh!"

    "But, first we need to wait for tomorrow to take off to Kanto, I think you should train your Pokemon. And I think you wouldn't need any of the starters since you already have one." said Professor Juniper looking at Misdreavus

    "Alright, Professor I'll see you tomorrow!" said Idolon as he waved the Professor goodbye.

    "Misdreavus, lets go to Reversal Mountain!" Idolon began running towards the Clay mountain as the Misdreavus followed him.

    Idolon reached the mountain, its big and is covered with red clay. Idolon began walking around the tall grass surrounding the mountain entrance. As he was walking he decided to talk to his Misdreavus.

    "Isn't it exciting Misdreavus? We are actually leaving for Kanto TOMORROW! Still, I'm gonna miss this place, I actually like this town, some people are mean, but the rest them are quite nice actually. But hey, we've been here long enough! Its time to travel the world and dominate every single trainer on it!" said Idolon

    "Misdree!!" smiled Misdreavus

    "Say Misdreavus, do you actually want to go cause, if my best friend won't go...... then I won't go" said Idolon

    The Misdreavus nudged his head on Idolon's head, then he nodded

    "So I guess you'll go with me no matter what huh?" said Idolon. Misdreavus nodded.

    "Great we can-"

    But all of a sudden a wild Skorupi appeared! It jump on Idolon's back and he screams like a baby as he fell on the ground.

    "Misdreavus! Get this Skorupi out of my back using Astonish!" ordered Idolon

    The Misdreavus got near the Skorupi and pull out a surprised the Pokemon, causing it to jump out of Idolon's back.

    "Now, use Psywave!" The Misdreavus shot psychic waves at the Skorupi shooting it backwards.

    "Alright Misdreavus! Use Confuse Ray!"

    The Misdreavus's eyes glowed and the Skorupi's eye glow red and began hitting itself over and over again.

    "Alright, time to capture it!" Idolon pulled out a Pokeball out of his vest and throw it at the Skorupi. The Ball open and the Skorupi turned into a red beam which entered the ball. The ball wobbled:

    One time

    Two times

    Three times

    And the ball clicked.

    "Yes!! We did it! We did it! We did- oh crap" said Idolon until he saw a big fat Grumpig looking at him and started dancing.

    "RUN!!" shouted Idolon as he and Misdreavus rush towards town. After Idolon went to heal his Pokemon again and wondering how the nurse can get in and out of the counter...again, he unleashed his newly caught Skorupi and began talking with it.

    "Alright Skorupi, I'm your new Trainer and I-AACK!" The Skorupi again jumped at Idolon's back causing him to fell on the floor.

    "Would you kindly get off my back sir? I do not enjoy lying on the floor, thank you very much" said Idolon politely. The Skorupi complied and move away from Idolon's back. Just when Idolon tries to stand up, he saw guess who?..........................That's right!! Its the biggest person in town, the stupidest jerk of all Unova! Please welcome, THE GREAT FATTY!!!

    "Well well well, if it isn't Mr. Know-it-all and his little widdle Misdreavus! Who's that your mom?" he pointed at the Skorupi next to Idolon

    "Haha, very funny well luckily for me I won't be seeing your stupid butt by tomorrow, cause I'm out of here!" said Idolon

    "What? You're leaving? Heh, You're leaving cause you're afraid that I will demolish your Pokemon and that My Pokemon is so strong your afraid of them!" gloated The Great Fatty

    "Afraid?! HA! Why should I be afraid of a Great Fatso like you?!" said Idolon

    "Watch it punk, you may have defeated my father's Conkeldurr, but this time I have a Pokemon that can actually HIT your pathetic Ghost-Type" said The Great Fatty

    "Just because you can hit him. Doesn't mean you can beat him" sang Idolon

    "Oh yeah?! I challenge you to a battle!!" said The Great Fatty.

    "Okay, Go Skorupi!" said Idolon

    Skorupi jump infront of his trainer, while the Great Fatter moved backwards to make space for the battle.

    "Go, my Pokemon!" shouted The Great Fatty as he throws his Pokeball.

    ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
    Yeah, this chapter is going on to parts. Hope you guys like the chapter's.

    So Dormant;429; signing off...
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2013
  6. Rotomknight

    Rotomknight THE GREATEST TRAINER

    Why do you write? Ask yourself that. It can improve your writing.
    Here is my motto for writing:
    I write for myself, the fans are a bonus.

    Write your sense of humor, not your reviewer's. Write in your own style, not your reviewer's. Strive for good grammar. Makes the fic exponentiennally, hundreds of times better.

    Think of it yourself, I asked a similar question and got no responses. I came up with a better awnser than 100 reviewers could. I came up with reasons and they were mine, and they fit my story better.
    Also the great fatty, sounds like something a 10-year old would say. The characters lack feeling, except ghosty girl. You got a few chuckles out of me with her. Google 'Mary Sue Tests'. Very handy, keeps your characters good in the long run.
    Mary-sues are often reflections of the author and are too perfect, without flaws. I just have a hunch that your character may turn into a gary stu- male mary sue.

    P.S. Great use of peer pressure!
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2013
  7. Dormant

    Dormant I'M A TREE RAWR

    Thank you for your wisdom!! I actually thought of that after I'm done writing that chapter!


    Truth to be told, I wanted to see if people are actually reading my fic, but now that I think about it. I wrote this fic to see if I'm good at something! But I'm having fun writing this fic and I like what I wrote! If people don't like my writing, then I'll try my best to make them satisfied by improving, and if they still don't like...well its their problem, not mine.

    And also I'll check that 'Mary Sue Test' as well!


    So thank you, Rotomknight, I almost lost my confidence on writing, but you found it! You have been a great help! And I'll try to give feelings to my characters since, again my first fanfiction. So thanks again Rotomknight! By the way, I called the character The Great Fatty because I thought it was funny, when you think about it so I guess I have to try harder at being funny..
     
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2013
  8. Dormant

    Dormant I'M A TREE RAWR

    Alright on to the story!

    Chapter 2.5

    The Great Fatty had thrown a Pokeball that unleashed.........a Snivy.

    "Wait, what?" started Idolon

    "Haha! How did you like my new Pokemon? Hmm?" said the Great Fatty

    "You have a Snivy, as a starter. You. With a Snivy..." said Idolon

    "What? You thought I was going to pick something stupid? Well guess what egghead! I chose a smart looking Pokemon since smart people look smart, therefore same goes the other round" said the Great Fatty

    "Whatever, My Skorupi is a Poison/Bug type so this should be easy, Skorupi! Use Poison Sting!" said Idolon

    The Skorupi upon its mouth and dozens of poison stingers shot from it to the Snivy.

    "Snivy, dodge it and use Vine whip!!" ordered The Great Fatty

    The Snivy barely dodged the dozen poison needles and summoned vines between the back of its collar and hit the Skorupi with long vine. The Skorupi fell down but got up again as if it the attack did't harm it.

    "Haha! Grass-type moves are ineffective to my Skorupi since his type combination is resistant to Grass! Now Skorupi! Use Pin Missle!!"

    The Skorupi's two pincers grow white and the pokemon opens up its pincers and a dozen pins are shot from both of them. The pins shot the Snivy before it could dodge the pins. The Snivy sustained heavy damage and promptly fainted.

    "WHAT!?! I lost again!? HOW?! First my Conkeldurr and now my Snivy!! Admit it! You cheated! You horrible cheater!! You-"

    "ENOUGH!" said Idolon, he is sick and tired of this fat boy accusing him of cheating, and not accepting defeat.

    "First, I did not cheated. Just now I was surprised you own a Snivy, therefore I had no idea. And second, I called out a bloody POISON/BUG-type Pokemon, two types that are resistant to Grass-type Pokemon, and before you say I picked a Pokemon to counteract your Snivy. I was busy at the Reversal Mountain this whole time therefore, I couldn't see what starter you have picked! And no the Professor did not tell me what Pokemon you'd picked" explained Idolon

    The Great Fatty was lost for words until 3 seconds later his face gone all red with anger

    "You think I'm stupid?! You think I'll fall for that!? YOU CREEP!! I KNOW YOU CHEATED!! THERE'S NO WAY I COULD LOSE TWICE TO A NERD LIKE YOU!!!!" shouted the Great Fatty with rage. Before Idolon could do anything, the Great Fatty pushed him at a near lightpost. The Great Fatty put his giant hand on Idolon's neck.

    "You're going to pay for this punk!" said the Great Fatty as he raised his fist. But before he could deliver a blow, Idolon's Misdreavus moved in front of Idolon's face. His eyes glowed pink and The Great Fatty fell down on the ground snoring.

    "Thanks Misdreavus" mouthed Idolon after a few seconds of shock. Idolon looked at his partner and hugged him.

    "Thank you so much, I thought my face would end up being....hurt" said Idolon

    "Misdree.." muffled Misdreavus as his face was in Idolon's chest as he hugged him. Idolon released Misdreavus from his hug and both of them looked at the snoring fat pig. The Skorupi is poking the Great Fatty with a pincer at the side of its head. It's making sure the Great Fatty is asleep so it's trainer won't be in harms way.

    "Come on, lets go home I had enough of today." said Idolon. He and his two Pokemon started walking towards the house. But as, Idolon walked toward his house, he wondered.

    How did his Misdreavus learn the move Hypnosis? Well, questions can be solved, if one is patient for the answer.

    Unfortunatly, Idolon is an impatient boy.

    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Hey sorry for the short chapter, I was planning to have the Great Fatty to have an Tepig but nah. Too cliche. And I'm trying to minimize the amount of cliches in my fic, but that doesn't mean there won't be cliches since, hey some people love cliches.

    So Dormant;429; signing off.
     
  9. Rotomknight

    Rotomknight THE GREATEST TRAINER

    Good job!
    Also, your character is 10 right? So that was actually a compliment!
    I like the hesitance on face hurting.
    Also I heard about your once upon a freaking time thing. That was good. It was a joke, publish and don't look back.
    I am a amateur writer of fics. I'm on my first! If you look at my fic, I came up with that advice for myself after chapter 1, look at the quality jump! I write for fun! Result: I feel much more confident.
    Also love that Idolon is an impatient boy.
    Not many errors.
     
  10. Dormant

    Dormant I'M A TREE RAWR

    Thanks! You been a great help! Your review's have been a great help for my fan fiction! And Yeah! I'm going to read your Fan fiction myself!

    Also did I forget to mention that Idolon is also mischievous? ;)
     
  11. Dormant

    Dormant I'M A TREE RAWR

    All right guys, I'm going to put this story in Arcs from now on, The story I wrote just now is part of the Prologue Arc, Now we are entering the Kanto Arc.

    Kanto Arc

    Chapter 1: Entering the Region(Yeah I'm adding title's from now on.)

    Idolon woke up in his room and rub his eyes, he was about to get up and get ready for the day, until suddenly he remembered something.

    "Today's the day" he whispered

    "Misdreavus!! Today's the day!" shouted Idolon, the Misdreavus phased through the wall of the bedroom to see Idolon packing up his clothes and supplies in his suitcase.

    "Skorupi!" said Idolon as he unleashed Skorupi in his bedroom.

    "Today's the day! Today's the-AACK!!" said Idolon before his Skorupi jump on his back and fell on the ground.

    "Skorupi, can you at least stop doing that?" asked Idolon, his Skorupi merely replied with a chuckle.

    "Whatever, Today's the day we travel to Kanto! And after that, The Entire World!!!" said Idolon. He rushed towards the bathroom and comes out after 5 minutes looking clean and ready to go.

    "Alright everyone, TO THE AIRWAY!" declared Idolon. He and his two Pokemon began walking outside towards the Airway. He saw Professor Juniper waiting for him by a large Plane.

    "This is going to be great! New region! New Pokemon! At most importantly, New Legendaries!" said Idolon excitedly. But before he moved on towards the airway, he heard a boy screaming at him, Idolon looked behind and saw a young man with a yellow t-shirt and blue pants running towards him. It was Josh.

    "I heard you're leaving for Kanto today! Is it true?!" said Josh

    "Yep! I'm going off to travel the world! So I could get new Pokemon and see new places! Not to mention getting away from him" said Idolon

    "But, I wanted to train my Pokemon to beat yours! If your away, how am I going to accomplish that!?" said Josh

    "Hmm, maybe you should train your Pokemon while I'm away therefore, when we meet again we can see which Pokemon got the best training." said Idolon

    "Yeah, that's not a bad idea...But I am going to miss you, You helped me a lot yesterday, I thought that guy was going to beat me up for money but you saved me. You're the best Pokemon Trainer I have ever met. And I'm going to miss you" said Josh

    "Hey, hey. I'm not the best Pokemon Trainer. There are a lot of others who are better than me, there's no question to that. I suggest you go on and train your Pokemon, so that the Great Fatty won't bother you anymore" said Idolon

    "Thanks, Good luck in Kanto!" said Josh

    "I will! See you later!" shouted Idolon as he ran towards the Airway with his Pokemon struggling to catch up with him. Idolon and his Pokemon reached the plane as Professor Juniper is standing by the door.

    "Are you ready?" said Prof. Juniper

    "Not just yet" said a new voice. Idolon couldn't believe he heard that for he knows that voice ever since he was a child. That voice belongs to non other than the ferocious walrus, the disgusting fat pig, the one, the only!! THE GREAT FATTY!! (Audience claps)

    The Great Fatty is walking towards the plane with a backpack.

    "What do you mean 'not just yet'?" said Prof. Juniper. The Great Fatty gave an answer that will haunt Idolon for the rest of his 90 years left of life.

    "I decided to come with you!" answered the Great Fatty

    "WHAT?!?!" exclaimed Idolon

    "That's right! My father gave me permission to go to Kanto, he said he want some souvenirs over there, and he wants me to train over there as well." explained the Great Fatty

    That and he wants to kill me thought Idolon.

    "Well, there's no harm on getting souvenirs, sure! You can come!" said Prof. Juniper

    "Bu-bu-bu-but" started Idolon but the Professor and the Great Fatty already entered the plane.

    "Why must this things happen to me?!"sighed Idolon. His two Pokemon sighed as well, Idolon returned his Skorupi back to his Pokeball and reluctantly step inside the Plane.

    After he found his sit, which is far away from the Great Fatty. The plane took off.

    After approximately an hour the plane landed at the Kanto Airport. The boys and the Professor took their luggage and went outside to find a taxi. The three tourists rented a taxi and much to Idolon dismay, he has to share the back sit with the Great Fatty. Fortunately the middle sit was taken by Idolon's Misdreavus, so Idolon won't be harmed by the Great Fatty. After 5 minutes or so, the taxi stopped at a small little town.

    "Welcome, to Pallet Town!" said the taxi driver

    "Here we are! Pallet Town, home to the creator of the Pokedex, Prof.Oak!" said Prof. Juniper.

    The boys went out of the car and followed the Professor towards an old looking laboratory. Once they went inside Idolon saw two figures at the back of the lab. One is an old man with a lab coat and grey hair while the other is a young man with spiky hair, dark blue t-shirt and light blue pants.

    "Hello there Professor Juniper!" said Prof. Oak

    "Hello, again Prof. Oak! I see you got my message that I'll be bringing a person with me to Kanto. However due to change of events I brought along other one. Boys, I like you to meet Prof. Oak and his Grandson Blue" said Prof. Juniper

    "Your name is Blue?" began The Great Fatty

    "Yeah, so?" questioned Blue

    "Ha! Your parents must be so lame to name you after a color, Heck! Their already lame for having a NERD for a Father! If your parents must be lame, so are you" said the Great Fatty

    "Well, at least I'm not a Fat moron like you!" counteract Blue

    "Mr. Seviche! Stop insulting Prof. Oak's grandson!!" belowed Prof. Juniper

    "Blue, you too as well, they are guest so you shouldn't talk back at them no matter what!" said Prof. Oak

    "But-" began Blue

    "Save it, you might not want to make the guy angry, he maybe fat but he can still crush like a twig if you try to make him angry and believe me, he has more temper that a Tauros!" whispered Idolon as the Professors began talking and the Great Fatty checking out the lab

    "Really?" whispered back Blue

    "Yeah I beat him in a Pokemon battle and almost mash my face if it wasn't for Misdreavus" whispered Idolon

    "Geez, what's with this guy?" questioned Blue.

    "I don't know, maybe his a crossbreed of a man, a Miltank and a Walrein." said Idolon

    The two began laughing until the Great Fatty began walking towards them.

    "What are you two losers talking about?" threatened the Great Fatty

    "Nothing" came the reply

    "You two better be or else!" said the Great Fatty

    "Well, it seems you two had gotten your own Pokemon, yes?" began Prof. Oak. The two boys nodded.

    "Hey, gramps! Can I picked my Pokemon now?" said Blue

    "Well... sure why not?" said Prof. Oak

    "Picked one these three, Blue" the Professor pointed at the Pokeballs that are on a table

    "I choose...... Heck! I choose Charmander!" said Blue after taking the middle ball.

    "And here's your Pokedex and the Regional map" the Professor handed out two objects to Blue.

    "Thanks! Now it's time to test this bad boy! Hey, you! It's Idolon right? Well, I challenge you to a Battle!!" said Blue

    "Me? Fine... I accept your challenge" said Idolon.

    "Ready or not! Here I come!" said Blue as he unleashed his Charmander into the Battlefield.

    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    So, yeah the first chapter of the Kanto Arc! This fic is either going to have more than one Arc I don't know but I hope you enjoy this fic! Also I'll be adding spoilers on what Pokemon the character's own.......That is if I know how to.....

    So Dormant;429; signing off..
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2013
  12. Dormant

    Dormant I'M A TREE RAWR

    Chapter 2:The Greatness that is Fat

    "Misdreavus go!" said Idolon. The Misdreavus has entered the battlefield

    "Now, now be careful boys! I don't want my lab become a war zone or anything!" warned the Professor

    "Don't worry gramps! I got this!" said Blue. The two professors began watching the battle, as well as the Great Fatty with a smirk on his face.

    "Misdreavus, Use Confuse Ray!!" said Idolon.

    "Charmander! Shield your eyes!" said Blue. The Charmander quickly close its eyes as the Misdreavus shot a ball of light which circles the Charmander.

    "Now Misdreavus! Use Psywave!"

    "Charmander! Dodge it NOW!" shouted Blue.

    The Charmander quickly dodge waves of Psychic power.

    "Charmander! Use Ember!" said Blue. The Charmander released flames from its mouth hitting the Ghost-Type's face.

    "Misdreavus! Use Psywave again!!" said Idolon. The Misdreavus set out waves of Psychic energy at the Charmander.

    "Charmander! Dodge it!" However the Charmander failed to dodge the attack and got hit by the waves.

    "Charmander! Use Ember again!" shouted Blue.

    "Misdreavus! Use Psywave!!" shouted Idolon at the same time. The Charmander began releasing flames from its mouth while at the same time, Misdreavus sent out waves of Psychic energy's at it. The Flames and the Energy hit each other causing a big blast of fire and energy, which hit the two Pokemon to the ground. The two Pokemon quickly got up but looked tired and almost worn out.

    "Alright Misdreavus! Use Psywave!" said Idolon.

    "Use Ember!!" shouted Blue, but the Misdreavus already shot waves of energy at the Charmander, before it could react it got hit and fell on the floor. The Charmander had fainted.

    "Yes! We did it Misdreavus!" said Idolon.

    "Miss.." said the worn out Ghost-Type

    "You looked worn out, say Professor Oak do you have a potion or so?" ask Idolon. The Professor pulled out a Super Potion and sprayed it at the Misdreavus.

    "Misdree!"said the not worn out Misdreavus.

    "Great, I lost to stranger!" said Blue

    "Well at least you didn't lost to that guy" said Idolon pointing at The Great Fatty

    "True" agreed Blue. The Great Fatty began walking towards the two boys, until Professor Juniper stopped him.

    "Now, now it doesn't matter who you lost to. What it matters is that you two have made a closer relationship to your Pokemon. Do you guys understand? Capisce ?!" said Prof.Juniper. The two boys nodded.

    "Well, if you excuse me I'm heading out! I bet I'll defeat every gym in Kanto before you guy's do!" said Blue

    "HA!, I'll become Champion before you two losers achieve a single badge!" said the Great Fatty

    "Oh yeah?! Well too bad big guy! I'll become Champion not you! Plus, I doubt you could even fit through the Champion's door with your big face and all!" said Blue

    "Say that again punk and I'll-"

    "BOYS!!" shouted Prof. Juniper

    "Whatever, I'm getting a head start! And-HEY!!" said Blue as the Great Fatty ran through the door.

    "You creep! I'm suppose to do that!!" said Blue as he ran through the door as well.

    "Oh, scrub it. Wait for me!!!" shouted Idolon as he and Misdreavus went out through the door.

    "I get the feeling a storm is coming..."sighed Prof. Juniper

    "Yeah, a BIG one" agreed Prof. Oak.




    Idolon saw a route up ahead and saw a sign that said 'Route 1' He then saw to his surprise green grass. The grass is so green it hurts his eyes since he lived in a place where nothing's green. He began walking towards the route gate. That is until a Pidgey began pecking his hat!

    "Misdreavus! Use Psybeam on this dang Pidgey!" The Misdreavus shot the bird with waves of energy and it fell off. Then Idolon began running towards the gate as he heard more Pidgey's flying towards his direction. After he reach the gate he stopped hearing any Pidgey's and let out a sigh. He when out of the gate opening towards the city.

    "Here, we are Misdreavus! Viridian City!" said Idolon. He went towards the Pokemart to buy potions, just in case. He then saw a Gym and began walking towards it, he saw Blue at the entrance and figured something had happened.

    "Hello, Idolon" greeted Blue

    "Gym's not open yet?" said Idolon

    "No, but I don't think we can challenge this gym yet anyways since this is the last gym." said Blue

    "Then what are you doing here?" said Idolon

    "The door seems to be broken" said Blue. Idolon manage to see the door, that is the remains of one.

    "Someone must be angry enough to demolish this door" concluded Blue

    "Yeah and well all know who this someone is...." said Idolon

    "Wow, sucks to be the door, being demolished by some fat guy.." said Blue. Then all of the sudden they heard shouts and noises at north. Idolon and Blue decided to see what's going on. It turns out the source of the noises were made by an old man lying on the floor and Ladies and Gentleman! Introducing...the mean fat pig, the Eater of 1000 pancakes please welcooooooooommmmmeee.......THE GREAT FATTY!!(Audience Claps)

    "Old geezer! I can go on if I want to! You're not a boss of ME!!" said the Great Fatty

    "I told you!! NO ONE GETS PASS ME WITHOUT MY COFFEE!!!" shouted the Old man.

    "I DON'T GIVE A MAGIKARP FOR YOUR COFFEE!!! I'M GOING THROUGH!!!"shouted the Great Fatty.

    "I DON'T THINKS SO!!!"shouted the Old man. The Old man began standing and glared at the Great Fatty.

    "Che' I'm not gonna fight on Old geezer like you! I'm outta here" said the Great Fatty. Before the Great Fatty could walk one step out of Viridian, the Old man stepped hard on the Great Fatty's foot.

    "OWW!! Alright Old man you ask for this!!" shouted the Great Fatty

    "Bring it FATSO!!" shouted the Old man.

    "This does not look good..." said Idolon.

    "I agree" said Blue

    "Misdree" said Misdreavus

    "You can't punch an old man!!" said a bystander. Apparently the noises had attracted the citizens.

    "Watch me" growled The Great Fatty as he glared at the Old man. And they both began to fight.....



    ULTIMATE FIGHTING!!

    The Great Fatty uses punch. Aww miss!!

    Old man uses Leg Stomp! Ohhh that hurts!

    The Great Fatty uses Punch again!! Oh! the Old man dodge it like a ninja!!

    Old man uses Ranting. "Back in my day! We always have coffee if whenever we want it!! Instead we have to fight fat people with their chubby faces and big fat legs and stuff!!" Oh, the opponent's face has gone RED!!!

    The Great Fatty uses MEGA PUNCH!! Oh my gosh!! The Old man block it with his hand!!

    Old man uses FALCON PUNCH!! It's Super effective!! The opponent went down! The opponent went down!!

    Well there you have it folks! The Great Fatty has fallen under the Falcon Punch!! Tune in next time on ULTIMATE FIGHTING!! Good night!

    _________________________________________________________________________________________

    "Wow, just wow..." said Idolon after a moment of silence

    "Yeah...." said Blue

    "Miss" said Misdreavus

    They were looking at the Old man with awe, but the Old man merely lay down on the road again and started shouting about not having coffee. They then saw the Great Fatty laying at the side of the house unconscious.

    "Remind me, to give an Old man a coffee if he wants one." said Blue

    "Gee, ya think?" said Idolon. Everyone began moving/running away from the Old man. Hey, who wouldn't be afraid of a guy who could use the Falcon Punch? I know I would.

    ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
    Hope you guys enjoy! Grr! I don't know whether to keep the Old man fight in the story!? I hope this doesn't get me banned or something (gulp). So yeah that's Chapter 2 of the Kanto Arc

    So Dormant;429; signing off..
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2013
  13. Rotomknight

    Rotomknight THE GREATEST TRAINER

    That's pg-13 stuff. It can stay in.
    Also, personally I could not stop laughing! That was genius. Coffee is always poked fun of. ut never like this. Also it seems like the great fatty really would.
    Intros to the great fatty get funnier every time!
     
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2013
  14. Dormant

    Dormant I'M A TREE RAWR

    Thanks for the review! Glad you like my story! Alright! On to Chapter 3!

    Chapter 3: The Annoying Forest of RAGE!!!

    Idolon decided to go to Route 22 for training. He wanted to move on to Route 2, but of course the Old man is still waiting for his coffee. He then saw a Pidgey at the patch of tall grass and decided to battle it, but cautiously.

    "Go! Skorupi!!" shouted Idolon as he unleashes Skorupi.

    "Skorupi, use Poison Sting on-AACK!!" said Idolon until Skorupi jumped on his back and fall to the ground.

    "Skorupi,.....STOP DOING THAT!!!"shouted Idolon. The Skorupi let out a chuckle in response.

    "Skorupi! Just Poison Sting that Pidgey!!" shouted Idolon. The Skorupi opens its mouth and a barrage of poison needles began shooting towards the Pidgey.

    "Misdreavus.. We need to train a lot more." sighed Idolon. The needles hit the target and Pidgey began pecking the Skorupi's head

    "We, got eight gyms in each region. We need to have the strength to beat them all..." declared Idolon. The Skorupi tried to remove the Pidgey by wailing its pincers at the bird, which droved it away.

    "I don't know whether we could get all the badges in Kanto much less the entire world...." sighed Idolon. Unfortunately for the Skorupi, a flock of Pidgey's began flying towards it.

    "But hey.. that's what training is all about?" said Idolon, the Misdreavus nodded. The Skorupi is running away from the Pidgey's shouting "Skorup!!" "Skorup!!"

    "Oh.. Skorupi! Return!!" said Idolon as the Skorupi got returned to its Pokeball. The Pidgey flock looked startled at the sudden disappearence of their target and flew away.

    "Well, consider that payback" said Idolon. The ball shake a little.

    ________________________________________________________

    After training at Route 22, Idolon decided to go back towards the city. He saw the Old man standing and looked calm and happy instead of angry and grumpy. Idolon knew the Old man got his coffee and that Blue and The Great Fatty went ahead.

    "Hello young lad!" said the Old man happily

    "Err.. can I go through? Please?!" said Idolon

    "Sure, Why not? I'm not blocking you or anything!" said the Old man

    "Err...Okay" said Idolon. Idolon took one tiny step afraid that the Old man will punch him. But he did not. Idolon stopped tip toeing and start running. Once Idolon is in the Route path he stopped walking. There are two paths. One leads to a forest and the other has the sign saying (To Diglett's Cave).

    Idolon decided to go through the forest instead. The forest looks dense and seemed to have a maze like structure. Idolon saw a lot Kakunas and Metapods hanging on the trees, Idolon decided to not bother them and caught in an intersection. Idolon decided to go to the right and began walking. Idolon the saw another intersection and decided to go to the left. Idolon kept walking and finding intersections, he would go in different directions but he kept being lost in the forest. It was tiring and annoying.

    "STUPID FOREST!!!" shouted Idolon as he found himself at a dead end

    "Misdeavus! Do you know a path that leads out of this blasted forest!" said Idolon. The Misdreavus shook his head. Just as Idolon began to lose hope, he heard a roar.

    "Roar". Then Idolon heard violent footsteps. At first he thought it was the Great Fatty, but its not. The footsteps go nearer and nearer.

    "Misdreavus, what is that?" said Idolon scared. The Misdreavus is also afraid. The footsteps go nearer and louder and Idolon saw the source of the noise. The creature is huge with a helmet patch, with red irisis and horn like ears. The creature has spikes on its spines all the way down to its tail. The creature also has a pouch with what appears to be a smaller version of the creature rest in it.

    "Kangaskahn, the Parent Pokemon, it raises its baby in its belly pouch. It will protect its baby and will throw a horrible rage if its baby is harm." said the Pokedex as Idolon uses it to identify the creature. The Kangaskhan roared, she thought Idolon was here to disturb her baby. The Kangaskhan attacks.

    "Misdreavus!! Use Psywave!!" said Idolon frantically. The Misdreavus shot waves of energy at the Kangaskhan. The Kangaskhan was thrown back, but got up its feet and hit the Misdreavus with very fast punches.

    "What?! How could it hit Misdreavus!? He's a Ghost-Type!" said Idolon. The Misdreavus is trying as hard as he can to avoid being punch by the Kangaskhan.

    "Misdreavus! Use Confuse Ray!!" The Misdreavus shot a confusion orb that circles the Kangaskhan. The Kangaskhan however shield its eyes and punch the Misdreavus. Idolon was worried, his Pokemon is losing. He might be doomed. He then suddenly remembered. His Misdreavus saved him before from the Great Fatty by putting him to sleep.

    "Misdreavus!! Use Hypnosis!" The Misdreavus nodded and flash purple lights from his eyes which put the Kangaskhan to sleep.

    "All right, Time to capture it!" said Idolon. He throw the Pokeball at the sleeping Kangaskhan. The ball shook.

    One time

    Two times

    Three times!!

    The ball went *ping* meaning the capture is successful.

    "YES! Wait to go, Misdreavus!!" said Idolon.

    "Miss..." said the Misdreavus. Idolon checked the Pokeball with his Pokedex. The Kangaskhan is a female and her ability is Scrappy which allows her to hit Ghost-Types.

    "That explains it." said Idolon. Then Idolon unleashed Kangaskhan. The Kangaskhan is fully awake now and looks a little angry.

    "Look Kangaskhan, we're lost in this forest, we didn't mean to disturb your home, can you show us the way out?" said Idolon. The Kangaskhan seems to calm down and show her new trainer the way out. Once Idolon and his Pokemon went out, Idolon took a deep breath and shouted.

    "FINALLY, I'M OUT OF THAT PLACE!!!!" The Misdreavus looks amuse while the Kangakhan just looked back at the forest.

    "Oh, Kangaskhan? Do you want to go back or something?" Idolon said. The Kangaskhan looked back at the forest and said something at Idolon.

    "Why can't I understand Pokemon language, man I wish one of you can talk or something..." sighed Idolon.

    "I can talk" said a voice inside Idolon's head

    Idolon suddenly looked shocked and tries to find the source of that voice, but all he saw was plain grass and his Pokemon.

    "Who said that?!" said Idolon.

    "I did, its me" said the voice.

    Idolon saw the Kangaskhan, but she shook her head and pointed at Misdreavus.

    "Misdreavus?! You TALKED?!" said Idolon in shock.

    "I merely speak to you with telepathy, I was afraid you might not like it so I merely stay silent." said Misdreavus

    "Well, I guess its alright... A little creepy but alright. But please don't mess with my head!" said Idolon

    "Don't worry, I will never hurt you." said Misdreavus truthfully.

    "Okay,... sorry its very shocking, I'm not upset or anything! I'm just shock." said Idolon

    "Okay, I'll tell you what the Kangaskhan said..Is that good?" said Misdreavus

    "Sure, what did she said?" said Idolon

    "She said that she wants to join with you, She is truthfully sick of the forest with all the bug Pokemon kept stealing her food she worked hard to get for her baby, and she figured you're not so bad of a Trainer so she decided to be stay by you." said Misdreavus.

    "Great! I won't let you down Kangaskhan! I'll take care of you and your baby! You can bet on it!" said Idolon. The Kangaskhan nodded looking quite pleased. Idolon then returned her to her Pokeball and began walking towards his new destination. Where he will faced his first Gym Leader.

    ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
    And that was Chapter 3 of the Kanto Arc! Idolon is going to face his first Gym. Not only that, his gonna meet some people in the future..... YES! Thank you Rotomknight! Now I can finally put spoilers!!

    Party:

    ;200;, ;451;, ;115;.

    :495:.

    ;004;.


    So Dormant;429; signing off..
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2013
  15. Rotomknight

    Rotomknight THE GREATEST TRAINER

    Check my vistor messages for how to make a spoiler!
    Several errors, do you read your chapter again
    The pidgey flock away since no target isn't constructed well
     
  16. Dormant

    Dormant I'M A TREE RAWR

    Chapter 4: Flames of Rivalry.

    Idolon began walking towards Pewter City with his Misdreavus, He still a little bit shock to know that his Pokemon can talk to him, even if its in telepathy. He began to see the city up ahead and sees that the city is surrounded with a big mountain. Idolon reached the city and went towards the Pokemon Center to heal up Misdreavus from the battle with Kangaskhan. While the nurse, who like in Unova is trapped behind the counter, took care of Misdreavus he saw some people talking about some Pokemon at a table.

    "Have you heard?"

    "Yes, I heard of it as well!"

    "Then it's true what they said?!"

    "I don't know, but I know there's no way a Pokemon like that exists"

    "What makes you think it's a myth?"

    "I LIKE PONYTAS!!!"

    "What?"

    Idolon decided to see what was going on, so he went towards the table.

    "What are guy's talking about? A legendary?" said Idolon

    "We don't know. There is rumor around the city about a Fire-Type Pokemon that lives in the mountains who is not weak to Water, Rock or even Ground!!" said some guy.

    "That's impossible" said Idolon

    "Exactly! That's why-"

    "I LIKE PONYTAS!!"

    "Never mind, I think our Pokemon is already healed up. We should get going" and on that note, the people sitting at the table went to the counter and left.

    Idolon heard his name and retrieve his Misdreavus. The two went outside and began talking.

    "Misdreavus, is it true that there's a Fire-Type Pokemon that is not weak to Water, Rock, or Ground?" said Idolon

    "I don't think so, even if it is half Flying or has levitate, I doubt there's anyway a Fire-type Pokemon could nullify all of its weaknesses"said Misdreavus

    "Yeah, I think it is a myth. Maybe I should-Oh no, not him" said Idolon as he saw..... Ladies and Gentleman! Its the big fat walrus, the Human Miltank hybrid. Give it up fooooooooooorrrrrrrrrr..........THE GREAT FATTY!!(Audience claps)

    "Well well well, if it isn't the Business dweeb and his bodyless dog." said The Great Fatty as he began walking towards Idolon.

    "Well, at least I'm not the one who's pathetic enough to punch an old man!" countered Idolon.

    "Watch it punk! If you insult one more time I'm gonna-"

    "You're gonna do what?" said Idolon

    "I'm gonna rip you're face off! But I got no time for a dweebish punk like you" said The Great Fatty

    "Or, You're afraid that my Misdreavus will put you to sleep and give you nightmares?" said Idolon

    "I'm not afraid of your stupid Pokemon. And since you just insulted me-" the Great Fatty cracked his fist

    "I guess I'll be teaching you manners" said The Great Fatty grinning.

    "I don't think so!" said Idolon. The Great Fatty was about to punch Idolon until...

    "Kangaskhan! Go!" The Kangaskhan was unleashed. She saw the fist coming towards his trainer and she stopped it with her own hands.

    "What?!" exclaimed The Great Fatty.

    "I like you to meet Kangaskhan, Kangaskhan, I like you to meet the Great Fatty" said Idolon.

    "Why you little-" began The Great Fatty until the Kangaskhan growled at him.

    "I'm going to say this for just one time. You mess with me, You mess with my Pokemon" said Idolon. The Kangaskhan roared at the Great Fatty (Her baby also let out a roar, a cute roar). The Great Fatty began running away from the Kangaskhan. Idolon let out a sigh.

    "Thanks, Kangaskhan" said Idolon. The Kangaskhan said something in her language. Idolon looked at Misdreavus for translation.

    "She said she'd protect you because your her trainer. Plus, it made her remembered the time she let her baby walk through the forest, a pack of Machops tried to attack the baby until Kangaskhan protect the baby by scaring of the Machops." said Misdreavus.

    "Wow, must be nice to have a parent isn't it little guy?" said Idolon. The baby let out a happy sound. The Kangaskhan had a confuse looked on her face. Misdreavus saw her confused looked.

    "Oh, he doesn't have parents" said Misdreavus. The Kangaskhan looked shock, then she looked at Idolon with a pity looked on her face. The baby let out a sad noise.

    "It's okay Kangaskhan, I took care of myself perfectly fine. Besides I have You, Misdreavus, and Skorupi and I'm taking care of you guys fine right?.... Right?" said Idolon. The Kangaskhan still looked sadly at Idolon but then she nodded and said something in her language.

    "She said, its quiet sad that you didn't have parents to take care of you,protect you or even love you. She has parents of her own and she even become a parent herself. She even said she could take care of you as if you were her own child." said Misdreavus.

    Idolon responded with a blush which made the Pokemon laugh

    "Thanks, but I think is too late to have a parent now..." said Idolon. The Kangaskhan said somethings and Misdreavus translated them.

    "She said that even if she couldn't be your parent, she would protect you at all cost." said Misdreavus.

    "Well, you can, but you also need some training as well. And the trainer up to it!" said Idolon. The Kangaskhan nodded looking quite happier than before. It looks like Idolon has a Kangaskhan as his own guardian.

    He is trying not to show it but his happy. It's not that he hate being pitied is just that his happy there's someone who wants to take care of him, to become his parent. He has been lonely for a long time until he met Misdreavus, which they both became best friends. Even if he had Misdreavus he still feels envy when he saw the neighborhood kids being loved by their own parents. He constantly try to think that its great to not have parents. But he never felt that way.

    Idolon suddenly heard a noise. He returned Kangaskhan and he went towards the source of the sound. He saw the source come from the Gym. And saw a lady going out of the Gym looking angry, behind her was some guy with spiky hair and a orange shirt.

    "Judy! Come back! We can talk about this!" said the spiky silly man

    "HUURRRRRR!! I will never talk to you again!" shouted the girl name Judy as she slaps the spiky silly man. The girl then went away.

    "JUDY!!!!"shouted the spiky silly man. But she was long gone and the spiky silly man sulked.

    "Errm.. whats going on? Who is she and who are you?" said Idolon.

    "That was my girlfriend, we broke up because I spend most of my time looking at her butt. My name is Brock by the way..." said Brock desperately.

    "Brock? The Gym Leader?" said Idolon

    "Yes, and judging by your looks you must be a business man trying to sell me some cheap junk. Well, sir I am not in the mood right now so go away" said Brock.

    "I'm a trainer, not a business man" said Idolon

    "Well, you must be here to battle me right? Well, your Misdreavus seems strong therefore you might be able to defeat me. And since you might be able to beat me, here you can have this badge" said Brock as he gave Idolon the badge.

    "That's it? I mightbe able to beat you so you gave me the badge? What kind of logic is that!?" exclaimed Idolon.

    "If you need me I'll be in the Gym sulking and crying in my bed. Goodbye" said Brock. He walked in the Gym before Idolon could say a word.

    "Wow, talk about easy victory..." muttered Idolon. He then saw Blue walking towards the gym.

    "Hey, Idolon! I see you already got a badge! Ha! I already have the badge myself! I wonder how strong your Pokemon had gotten?" said Blue. Idolon knew what he meant by 'how strong your Pokemon had gotten' It was a challenge and he was going to except it. But then something blue and big came towards them. It's the biggest fool of all the fools, The gigantic Pea-brain introduciiiiiiiiinnnnnngggggg..........THE GREAT FATTY!!...again(Audience still claps anyway)

    "Well if it isn't the Nerd Child and the Business loser!" said the Great Fatty

    "Hmph! Who are you calling a Nerd Child? Mr. Fatty McEatsalot?" said Blue

    "Say that again punk!!" threatened the Great Fatty as he raises his fist at Blue. Blue just stood there and looked at the Great Fatty's eyes.

    "If you try punching me, my Charmander will set burn you along with your excessive calories you fat bum!" counteract Blue

    "My Pokemon will crush your Charmander before it got a chance to breath out a single flame, Loser Boy!" said the Great Fatty looking at Blue's eyes vice versa.

    "As if! I bet your Pokemon couldn't beat a rattata without your fat bum sitting on it!" said Blue

    "Why I outta.." said the Great Fatty

    "Why I outta!" said Blue

    "Loser Boy!"

    "Fat BUM!"

    "GUYS!" shouted Idolon. The two boys glared at each other with their eyes filled with anger. The Great Fatty looked at Idolon

    "What do you want punk?! Do you want me to punch your face off!?" said the Great Fatty

    "Do you remembered last time?" said Idolon

    "Oh, I remembered so I go on and captured a Pokemon that can wiped the floor with that Pokemon of yours!" smirked the Great Fatty

    "Listen, lets not fight something irrelevant..." said Idolon

    "This fat doofus started it!" said Blue pointing at the Great Fatty

    "You want to fight punk!?" said the Great Fatty.

    "Yeah, lets settle this in a Pokemon battle!" said Blue

    "Fine by me, Your so gonna lose." said the Great Fatty

    "The only person who's gonna lose is the fat guy in front of me!" said Blue

    "You ask for it!" shouted the Great Fatty. The two trainers began to release their Pokemon, while Idolon and Misdreavus just stand there and saw the beginning of a new rivalry.

    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    Well, there you have it! Blue and the Great Fatty are now rivals! Who would win the fight between the two boys? What Pokemon did The Great Fatty caught to match Idolon's Kangaskhan? Find out in the next chapter of Seeking for Trouble!!

    Party:

    ;200;, ;451;, ;115;.

    :495:.

    ;004;.

    So Dormant;429; signing off..
     
  17. Rotomknight

    Rotomknight THE GREATEST TRAINER

    you should also edit the pokemon list into the author's note of chapter 1
    Also loved the ...again(audience claps anyways)
    let's see more!
    Hope we get to see some gym battles. Also it was funny about not battling
     
  18. Dormant

    Dormant I'M A TREE RAWR

    Oh boy! I've been waiting to make this chapter for a long time! Without further a due I present....

    Chapter 5: Operation Mt. Moon

    "Pidgey! I choose you!" shouted Blue as he unleashes Pidgey

    "Spearow! Do your worse!!" shouted the Great Fatty as he unleashes Spearow.

    "Pidgey use Peck!!" ordered Blue

    "Spearow! Use Fury Attack!!" ordered The Great Fatty.

    The Pidgey tried to peck the Spearow but the Spearow quickly pecked the Pidgey's head multiple times.

    "Pidgey! Use Gust!!" said Blue. The Pidgey created a Gust which Thrown off the Spearow of its head.

    "Feeling scared?" mocked the Great Fatty

    "Of what? Your big fat head?" said Blue

    "Alright! You ask for it! Spearow use Fury Attack once more!" shouted the Great Fatty.

    The Spearow tried aiming at the Pidgey's head but....

    "Pidgey! Use Gust!!" said Blue. The Pidgey whipped up a gust that hit the Spearow before it could reach the Pidgey. The Spearow then fainted.

    "Grr.." growled the Great Fatty

    "Yeah! Take that Fatso!!" shouted Blue

    "Shut up! You're going down this time!! Go! TAUROS!!"shouted the Great Fatty. The Great Fatty unleashed a bull like Pokemon with three tails.

    "Ohh...." said Blue quietly

    "So that's the Pokemon he caught to rival my Kangaskhan...." said Idolon.

    "You're still here chump? Whatever, Tauros! Use Horn Attack!!" ordered The Great Fatty. The Tauros let out a huff and rammed the Pidgey with it's horn. The Pidgey immediately collapse after it got thrown into the air from the impact.

    "Drat! Go! Charmander!!" shouted Blue. The Charmander was unleashed into the battlefield. The Charmander flinched when it looked at the Tauros.

    "Hmph! I should have known you would own a Tauros! After all, You are just a fatter version of it!" mocked Blue

    "You punk! Just for that, I'm not gonna give mercy to that Pokemon of yours! Tauros use Horn Attack!!" shouted the Great Fatty.

    "Charmander dodge it!!" shouted Blue. The Charmander manage to dodge the Tauros's attack.

    "Now use Ember!!" shouted Blue. The Charmander blew flames at the Tauros's face. The Tauros got angry and tried to use a Horn Attack on Charmander without the trainer ordering it.

    "Hey! Teach you Tauros some manners!" said Blue

    "Since when does Pokemon battles have manners in it?! Tauros again Horn Attack!" said The Great Fatty. The Tauros began charging toward the Charmander.

    "Wait, for it..." muttered Blue as the Tauros is coming closer to the Charmander.

    "Now! Use Smokescreen!" the Charmander breath smokes at the Tauros's face before it could perform a Horn Attack.

    "Now! While it's distracted, Use Scratch!!!" shouted Blue. The Charmander scratch the Tauros's face while it's still covered in smoke.

    "Ember!!" shouted Blue. The Charmander shot flames at the Tauros. The Tauros then collapse and fainted.

    "No!!" shouted The Great Fatty as he saw his Tauros felled.

    "Smart!" said Idolon.

    "Yes, very strategic" said Misdreavus but only Idolon can hear him.

    "Why thank you" said Blue. But then all of the sudden the Charmander started glowing in a white light. Then the light glowed brighter and brighter, the trainers stared at the light. The light then flashed temporary blind the trainers. The Trainers then looked at the Pokemon standing at the same spot the Charmander was standing.

    "Charmeleon, the Flame Pokemon, it is very vicious and barbaric that it mercilessly attacks its opponent with its sharp claws." said the Pokedex that Idolon took out.

    "Wow, My Charmander evolved." said Blue

    "Whatever.. Just because one of your stupid evolve doesn't mean it's better." said the Great Fatty

    "My Pokemon tooked down your Tauros!!" said Blue

    "It's not even strong anyway." said the Great Fatty

    "You're just a sore loser!!" shouted Blue

    "Am not" said the Great Fatty

    "Are too!"

    "Am not!!"

    "Are too!!!"

    "AM NOT!!!!"

    "ARE TOO!!!!"

    "SHUT UP!!"

    "NO, YOU SHUT UP!!"

    "I LIKE PONYTAS!!"

    The two boys went silent after that, but continue to glare at each other.

    "Both of you...Stop fighting!" said Idolon

    "Hmph.. Whatever, If you excuse me I going to become Champion. In the meantime you boys can go home and watch me defeat Lance!!" said Blue

    "HA! How about I become Champion while you guys go back to your mommy with your stupid Pokemon!" said the Great Fatty

    "Don't make me laugh!! You a champion?! HA!" mocked Blue

    "Whatever, I got no time to meddle with you two losers, I got some badges to collect!!" said the Great Fatty as he ran towards the outskirt of the city

    "FAT CHANCE!! I'm going to be Champion!!" shouted Blue as he ran towards the same direction that the Great Fatty ran to.

    "Oh scrub it again... Wait for me!!" shouted Idolon as he and Misdreavus rushed outside of the city.

    "I LIKE PONYTAS!!"

    _________________________________________________________________________________

    Idolon saw the two boys having Pokemon battles with trainers at Route 3, Idolon sees that there are a lot of trainers up ahead as well. He tried to avoid some of them however he did get into a Pokemon battle with three to four people. Idolon, after defeating the last trainer in the Route, reached Mt. Moon.It's a mountain that has the name Moon. Durr.

    Idolon went inside of the mountain after he healed up his Pokemon at the Pokemon Center next to the Mountain entrance. He looked back at the Route and saw Blue and the Great Fatty fighting against other trainers. He then realized that he made it to Mt. Moon before the two boys. Idolon unleashed Skorupi figuring he could find any treasure buried in the floor.

    "Alright Skorupi I want you to-AACK!!" said Idolon until the Skorupi jumped on his back, then fell on the floor.

    "WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THAT?!?" shouted Idolon. The Skorupi moved away from his back as Idolon tries to stand up. He instruct Skorupi to find any items on the floor whilst following him. The Skorupi found some decent items but also not so good items. It found a repel which can be useful, a nugget and also a Super Potion. Idolon and his Pokemon had found trainers and battle them. He manage to defeat a number of them but he was force to use the Super Potion, Skorupi found and use it on Misdreavus.

    "Wait" said Misdreavus telepathically in Idolon's head

    "What is it?" said Idolon

    "I sense malevolent presence below" said Misdreavus

    "I guess we should check it out" said Idolon. Idolon found a ladder that leads below the mountain, He went downwards and saw two people downstairs. They were wearing Black costumes with a big red R on the chest.

    "Who are you?!" said one of the men

    "Well, from the looks of him. I say he's a business man." said the other

    "I am not a business man, I am a trainer. Who are you guys?" said Idolon

    "We are Team Rocket!!" shouted both of them

    "Team Who?" said Idolon

    "Team Rocket!!"

    "So it's a team of rocket scientists?" said Idolon

    "No! We are a band of criminals out to rule the world with Pokemon!!" said the 1st man

    "So you guy's, are criminals who called themselves Team Rocket? Why are you guys called Team Rocket?" said Idolon

    "Doesn't matter, what matters is you start minding your own business.. We're doing some adult stuff down here" said the 1st man

    "Like what?" said Idolon

    "Oh you know, stealing fossils and stuff" said the 2nd man

    "Shut up! Listen kid, if you don't get out of here we'll do it for you!" said 1st man

    Idolon could have just leave this people down here and contact the authorities. Since this is plainly adult stuff and Idolon should just leave it to the police.

    "But, they might be gone by the time the police reaches here. Plus what fun would that be?" thought Idolon

    "Still not moving? Well, boy looks like we gonna have to use force!" said the 1st man. But before the 1st man could touch the boy, Idolon's Skorupi and Misdreavus moved in front of Idolon, so that they can protect their master.

    "Che' looks like a good bunch of Pokemon you have there. Be a shame if something happens to them. Rattata! Ekans! Get rid of them!" shouted the 1st man as he unleashed his two Pokemon.

    "Misdreavus! Use Psybeam at Ekans! Skorupi! Use Pin Missile at Rattata!" said Idolon. The Misdreavus quickly sent out waves of energy at the Ekans. The Ekans got hit by them and fainted. The Skorupi shot out pins at the Rattata which after being shot a dozen times, fainted.

    "Dang it! I knew that girls Pokemon is weak!" said the 1st man

    "A girl owned an Ekans and a Rattata?" said Idolon

    "Yeah I know weird..." said the 1st man until he ran towards the ladder and climb out.

    "So, you want to battle me?" said Idolon to the 2nd man

    "No way, That guy is better than me and you defeated him with just one move(s)" said 2nd man

    "Okay are there any other's in this place?" said Idolon. The man merely shook his head and ran off towards the ladder and climb out.

    "I think we should move on." Idolon began walking forward and found himself at a huge cave with two fossils on top of a table like stone. However up ahead he saw A man, a women and a Meowth besides the stone table. The two humans were wearing white and has a big red R in their chest

    "My my, What do we have here" said The women.

    "Looks like some twerp playing dress up if you ask me" said the man

    "Err..." said Idolon

    "This twerp seems to be afraid of us" said the women

    "Of course he is, no one is brave enough to face Team Rocket" said the man

    "Uhh.."

    "Well, what are doing here twerp?" said the women

    "And what happened to our guards?" said the man

    "Your hairs looks weird" said Idolon. The man, women and Meowth looked shock at the revelation.

    "There's nothing wrong with my hair twerp!" said the women angrily

    "Yeah! Our hair is in perfect condition!" said the man

    "Who are you guys?" said Idolon. The man and women looked pleased and did what Idolon did not expect.

    "Prepare for trouble"

    "Make it a double!"

    "To protect the world from devastation"

    "To unite all people within our nation"

    "To denounce the evils of truth and love!"

    "To extend our reach to the stars above!"

    "Jessie!"

    "James!"

    "Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!"

    "That's right!" said the Meowth. Then there was silence.

    "Uhh... Riiiiiigggggghhhhhtttt. Thanks for ruining my day with- OH MY GOSH DID THAT MEOWTH TALK!?!?!?" said Idolon.

    "That's right!" said Meowth

    "How? I know Misdreavus could talk telepathically but, I never seen an actual talking Pokemon! How do you do it?" said Idolon curiously and shockingly. The Meowth looks please and began talking.

    "Well, back in the old days I-"

    "Enough! We're not here to tell story tales!" said Jessie

    "That's right! We're here to steal fossils!" said James

    "So you better leave us alone twerp!" said Jessie

    "Or, we'll just have to dispose you!" said Meowth.

    "I don't think so" said Idolon after he recovered from the shock

    "Very well then, looks like we're gonna use force!" said Jessie

    "Prepare yourself!" said James

    "And prepare for take off!!" said Jessie. The duo then unleashes a Koffing and an Ekans.

    "Alright, if its a battle you want. It's a battle you get." said Idolon.

    "Koffing! Use Poison Gas!" said James

    "Skorupi! Bite him!" said Idolon. The Skorupi jump and bite the Koffing while it breathed Poison Gas which has no effect on Skorupi.

    "Misdreavus, Psywave the Ekans. Skorupi, Pin Missile on Koffing!" said Idolon

    "Ekans! Use Bite!" said Jessie

    "Koffing! Use Tackle!" said James.

    The Ekans charged at the Misdreavus, but got hit by the Psywave and fainted. The Koffing got Pin Missiled in the face and fainted before it could attack.

    "Well, its up to you Meowth!!" said Jessie.

    "Yea- What?!?" said Meowth. Jessie grabbed Meowth and prepare to throw him.

    "Meowth! Use Fury Swipes!!" said Jessie.

    "Nonono! Wait it's a- AAHHH!!!" said Meowth before he go thrown towards Misdreavus. The Meowth just phased through Misdreavus as if he wasn't there, and hit his face at the wall like a dart.

    "Wow, that was stupid..." said Idolon. The Meowth manage to get his face off the wall.

    "I agree...." said Meowth before he fainted.

    "Drat! The Twerp beat us!" said James

    "I blame you!" said Jessie pointing at James

    "I blame both of you!" said Meowth putting his face up before putting it back down.

    "I blame whoever hired you" said Idolon

    "You may have won this day twerp!" said Jessie

    "But we'll come back and finish you off!" said James

    "But for now.."

    "Team Rocket is blasting off again!!" said both of them as they grabbed Meowth and ran towards the Ladders. James then trip on some rock then got up again and catch up the other two.

    "Hey what's that?" said Idolon. He saw some orange on that rock, he decided to pick the rock up and saw the rock is orange on the outside and a reddish on the inside as well.

    "I wonder what this rock is?" said Idolon before Skorupi tugged his pants and looked in front to see Blue climbing down the ladder.

    "Hey Idolon! Just now I saw two weirdos in white carrying a Meowth climbing up the ladder then ran, Who are they?" said Blue as he saw Idolon.

    "They called themselves Team Rocket. Apparently their a group of criminals trying to take over the world." said Idolon

    "Wow! And you beat them? Well they must be weak then." said Blue

    "Weak and Stupid might I add. Their here to steal the fossils under the mountain apparently." said Idolon.

    "Fossils?" said Blue. Idolon pointed at the stone table, and they walk towards it.

    "Wow, two of them maybe I should- Oh no" said Blue

    "What? Whats w- Oh no" said Idolon as he saw something big and fat climbing down the ladder. Its the mighty Snorlax of Fatville, The Walrein of pure jerkness please give it up fooooooooooooorrrrrrrrrrr.........THE GREAT FATTY!!(Audience Claps)

    "Oh looky here! Its Bluebrain and his friend Mr. Commercial!" said the Great Fatty

    "What are you doing here?" said Blue

    "I'm here because I heard there's fossils underground, so I decided to take one!" said the Great Fatty

    "Too bad! I'm taking it!" said Blue

    "Not if I take it first!" said the Great Fatty

    "Guys!! There are two fossils maybe you get one each?" said Idolon

    "Fine, I'll take this one" said Blue as he took the Dome Fossil

    "Che' I'll take this one then" said the Great Fatty as he took the Helix Fossil

    "Now what?" said the Great Fatty

    "I heard that the Pewter Museum can revive fossils into Pokemon" said Idolon.

    "Then I know where I'm heading!" said Blue

    "What? Your mom?" mocked the Great Fatty

    "Fat chance! Fatso! I'm going to revive my fossil!" said Blue as he ran towards the ladder

    "Oh yeah?! Well, I'm going too!" said the Great Fatty as he ran towards the ladder.

    "Oh scrub it...again! Wait for me!!"said Idolon as he followed them along with his Pokemon.

    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    And there you have it! Team Rocket, The rivals and the Fossils! Looks like there's gonna be new Pokemons for the trio of...Something. So yeah! I hope you enjoy this Chapter!

    Party:

    ;200; ;451; ;115;.

    :495: ;021; ;128;

    ;005; ;017;
    Note: Blue's second Pokemon is a Pidgey. I have a hard time to find a Pidgey in the smile list so bear with it okay?

    So Dormant;429; signing off..
     
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2013
  19. Dormant

    Dormant I'M A TREE RAWR

    Chapter 6: Aguni, King of the Mountain

    The three boys rushed out of Mt. Moon and began running towards the city. The Great Fatty and Blue were racing against each other to see who reached the Museum first, though Idolon merely ran. When the three boys reached the Museum, they ended up having a tie.

    "Hah! I got here first!" said the Great Fatty

    "No, you don't! We ended up in a tie!!" said Blue

    "Guys is this relevant now? I just wanted to go to the museum!!" said Idolon.

    "Yeah, I'm here to revive Fossils! Not to fight a Miltank!!" said Blue

    "Oh? Is that what you want to play eh? Well, come on! Let's fight like men this time!!" said the Great Fatty.

    "Why? Why not in a Pokemon battle?" said Blue

    "Hmph! You're just afraid to fight me hand to hand why I outta-"

    "GUYS!! Can you please stop fighting and just revive your fossils already!? Sheesh!" shouted Idolon. The two rivals glared at each other before all three of them enter the Museum. The Museum is big and has Skeletons of prehistoric Pokemon incase in glass. The boys went towards the receptionist to revive their fossils.

    "Hello! Welcome to the Pewter Museum of Science!"said the Receptionist

    "Hay, I heard you guys revive fossils, can you revive mine?" said Blue. He put his Dome Fossil on the counter

    "Yeah, I would like my fossil to be revive to!" said the Great Fatty as he put his Helix Fossil on the counter.

    "And what about you sir?" said the Receptionist to Idolon.

    "Well, I don't think I have a fossil, but I have this peculiar stone. Do you know what it is?" said Idolon as he put his stone on the counter.

    "Hmm... Oh my!" said the Receptionist after she examine the stone

    "What?" all three boys said.

    "This is an Amber Stone" said the Receptionist

    "A what now?" said Blue

    "Its a Stone that fossilizes an ancient flying type Pokemon. It fossilizes an Aerodactyl." said the Receptionist.

    "You mean like that over there?" said Idolon pointed at the dragon like skeleton. The receptionist nodded.

    "Well sirs, from the look of this fossils, you seemed to find them at Mt. Moon. Although fossils are hard to get even over there. But nonetheless I shall revive these fossils in just a moment" said the Receptionist. She took the three fossils and went behind the door behind her.

    "Can you believe it? We're going to get ancient Pokemon and Idolon here gets the coolest!" said Blue

    "Hmph! Just because he got the coolest, doesn't mean he got the best!" said the Great Fatty

    "Guys calm down. I bet you guys could train your Pokemon well enough to match mine" said Idolon

    "Why should I train my Pokemon to match yours? Mine is already the best!" said the Great Fatty

    "Not better than mine though" mumbled Blue

    "What was that?!" said the Great Fatty

    "Nothing" said Blue. The Receptionist came back with three Pokeballs instead of the fossils.

    "Sir, This Pokeball holds a Kabuto. Are you the one who owns the Dome fossil?" said the Receptionist

    "Yep!" said Blue as he tooked the Pokeball from her.

    "And this sir, must be yours then" said the Receptionist

    "Finally" said the Great Fatty as he took the Pokeball from her.

    "And finally, your Aerodactyl sir" said the Receptionist.

    "Thanks" said Idolon as he tooked the Pokeball. Suddenly an old man began walking towards the three boys.

    "Oh my, You three boys must be though trainers by the looks." said the old man

    "Che' Of course I'm the best since I'm better than both of them!" said the Great Fatty. The two boys look murderously at him.

    "Well, I don't know about that. But have boys heard of the creature of the mountain?" said the old man

    "I heard some people talking about it at the Pokemon Center. Their talking about some Fire-type Pokemon that is not weak to Water, Ground nor Rock." said Idolon

    "Well, that's a start. The creature they were talking about is....Aguni" said the old man

    "Aga-what?" said Blue

    "Aguni, the spirit of the mountain. It is said that it appeared recently and that he is resistant to Rock-type moves and can use a variety of Fire-type moves." said the old man

    "Che' I know for sure there's no way that's possible" said the Great Fatty.

    "Well, I could say it's a myth since there's no evi-" suddenly there were screams

    "What the-" said Idolon. A man entered the museum looking frantic and scared.

    "Run everyone!! Aguni is here! He's destroying the city!!" said the man

    "WHAT?!" said Idolon. Everyone started screaming and panicking. The only ones that are not are the three boys.

    "It looks like we got ourselves a problem." said Blue

    "Che' why not you kids just go home, crying to your mommy! I'll handle this!" said the Great Fatty

    "Hold it Fatso! I defeated your Pokemon so therefore I should handle this!" said Blue

    "Guys! Why don't we handle this together?" said Idolon

    "I don't need help" said the Great Fatty

    "Me neither!" said Blue

    "Fine, I'll handle this myself then" said Idolon as he walked past the two and move towards the burning city with his Misdreavus.

    "Hey! Wait up!" shouted Blue as he ran after Idolon.

    "Hey come back here! I said I'll handle this!" shouted the Great Fatty as he ran after them. The old man looked at the three and said this:

    "Kids these days, so energenic for trouble" and then he chuckled.

    ______________________________________________________________________

    The city is burning. People running around screaming as a figure began terrorizing the city. The flames blocked the look of the creature, but people were too scared to even bother seeing it. Everyone was running away from the creature. Except for three boys. Idolon first saw houses on fire. The Pokemon Center is blocked by a flaming car. The trainer's inside manage to stop the flames from spreading the building, but their Pokemon are having a hard time moving the car. It's up to the three trainers.

    Idolon saw Blue running towards him with the Great Fatty behind him.

    "Idolon wait!" said Blue

    "Come back here!" said the Great Fatty before he reached them. Then there was a mighty roar. The three boys looked to the left and saw a figure coming towards them. The figure is still indistinguished by the smokes of the flames that reached up to the sky.

    "Alright! Go Tauros!!" shouted the Great Fatty as he unleashes Tauros.

    "Now Tauros! Use Horn Attack!!" said the Great Fatty. The Tauros began charging towards the figure, but the figure slapped the Tauros pushing him backwards to the ground. The Tauros got back up again.

    "Tauros! Use Rage!" said the Great Fatty. The Tauros got very angry and began charging towards the figure with tremendous speed. But the figure let out a Flamethrower at the Tauros causing him to be in gulf in flames. The Tauros fainted while burning.

    "Dang it! Go! Omanyte!" shouted the Great Fatty as he unleashes a snail like Pokemon with tiny tentacles.

    "That must be his fossil Pokemon! I'm tired of waiting! I don't care what you say but I'm fighting as well! Go, Kabuto!!" said Blue as he unleashes a shell like creature.

    "I don't need your help!! Omanyte use Water Gun!!" said the Great Fatty

    "Kabuto! Use Mud Shot!!" said Blue.

    The Kabuto releases a couple of mud bombs from it's mouth, at the figure while Omanyte shot water at it. The two Pokemon manage to hit the target but the target did not looked badly damage at all.

    "Something wrong" said Idolon finally. The figure shot flames at the two Pokemon. But the Pokemon do not seemed to be damage at all.

    "Hah! Rock, Water! Now it's attacks won't be a threat now!" said Blue

    "Idolon" said Misdreavus.

    "Yes?" said Idolon

    "I got a bad feeling of this. Why not dozed of the flames to see what we're up against" said Misdreavus

    "Not a bad idea.... Hey guys!" shouted Idolon.

    "Maybe we should get rid of the flames! It might not be what we think it is!!" said Idolon

    "Why should I listen to you!?" said the Great Fatty

    "Just do it!!" shouted Idolon. The Great Fatty grumbled, while Blue nodded.

    "Kabuto! Mud Shot those flames!!"

    "Omanyte! Water Gun the houses!"

    The Two Pokemon shot muds and water at the flames. Once the flames were out the smoke becomes clearer and clearer. The figure face and body has been revealed. The creature is Clefairy

    "WHAT?!" exclaimed Blue

    "A STINKIN CLEFAIRY!!?" shouted the Great Fatty

    "CLEFAIRRRRRR!!!" roared the Clefairy. The Clefairy shot a Hyper Beam at Kabuto and Omanyte. The two Pokemon didn't stand a chance against the attack and fainted.

    "IT KNOWS HYPER BEAM TOO!!!" shouted Blue. Idolon was speechless. A Clefairy. A stinking Clefairy was behind all this carnage and destruction. A freaking Clefairy. Idolon was about to go bonkers until the Clefairy roared again.

    "Clefairy or not we got to stop this thing!" said Idolon.

    "How? I doubt our Pokemon could stand up against that thing!" said Blue

    "I know one, Go! Aerodactyl!!" shouted Idolon as he unleashes his Pokemon.

    "Aerooooo!!!" roared Aerodactyl.

    "Aerodactyl! Use Wing Attack!!" ordered Idolon. The Aerodactyl roared and hit the Clefairy with its wing. The Clefairy roared and prepare to use a Hyper Beam.

    "Aerodactyl! Use Bite before it attacks!" ordered Idolon. The Aerodactyl swiftly bite the Clefairy before it could initiate the attack.

    "Now! Use Wing Attack!" shouted Idolon. The Aerodactyl hit the Clefairy with its wing. The Clefairy then breath collumns of flames at the Aerodactyl. The Aerodactyl sustains some damage but still able to fight.

    "Aerodactyl! Use Your Thunder Fang Now!" said Idolon. The Aerodactyl's teeth gone static and the dragon bites the Clefairy with it's electrocuted fangs. The Clefairy had gotten paralyzed.

    "Now use Dragon Claw!!" shouted Idolon. The Aerodactyl's claws began to glow as it slashes them at the Clefairy. The Clefairy stood hopeless against the Aerodactyl's speed and Attack, thus after being slashed for the second time, it fainted.

    "Wow... that was Epic..." said Blue. The boys looked at the fallen Clefairy.

    "Yes!! We did it Aerodactyl! We did it!" said Idolon before hugging the Aerodactyl. The Misdreavus gave a happy cheer and cuddled with them. The Aerodactyl seemed to be pleased defeating a though opponent and being praised. Blue couldn't help but being happy as well. The only person who isn't happy is the Great Fatty.

    "Hmph!! You only defeated it because you got a more powerful Pokemon. Besides you weren't doing anything while me and Blue tried to attack that beast of a Clefairy. You just use your Aerodactyl while we weakened it for you! Face it, you're a cheater and a jerk." said the Great Fatty. The Misdreavus look angrily at the Great Fatty, almost as if it wanted to kill him. But Idolon began talking after a moment.

    "He's right" said Idolon. Those two words shocked almost everybody including the Great Fatty himself(the Aerodactyl don't know who the Great Fatty is, also it thinks that he was a Miltank or something)

    "He may be a jerk but he's right. I just watch you two trying to fight that Clefairy and I done nothing. I should have helped earlier but I thought you two could handle the Pokemon. But when that Pokemon defeated the Tauros easily, I thought I couldn't beat it. I thought your fossil Pokemon could beat it with type advantages, but it turns out to be a Clefairy. I did not expect that, none of you did as well. But then I realized that Clefairy's are very slow, and that I have a Pokemon that is faster so I used it. He's right about me not helping earlier, and he's probably right about me being a jerk." said Idolon.

    The Two boys and Pokemon looked at him for a moment. Idolon then looked at the unconscious Clefairy.

    "Now, I wonder how the Clefairy can be so powerful" said Idolon.

    "Maybe its a former trainer's Pokemon. Clefairy's can't learn fire type moves without TMs." said Blue.

    "Yeah, that's true. But what made it angry in the first place." said Idolon.

    "I think I know" said a new voice. The Three boys turned around and saw the Citizens looking at them. They must have saw their battle, they have a shock and surprised looked on their faces. The speaker was a young bug catcher.

    "Hey I know you. Did we battle?" said Blue

    "Yep, just about hours ago when you and that guy were rushing towards Mt. Moon." said the bug catcher.

    "Yeah.. Now I remembered" said Blue

    "When your Charmeleon battled my Butterfree, You ordered it too use Will-O-Wisp on my Pokemon. My Pokemon dodged the fireball remember? It landed somewhere in the mountain" said the bug catcher

    "You don't mean.." said Blue. The Bug catcher continued

    "You left in an instant the battle is over. I began to walk back to the city. Until I heard a roar." said the Bug catcher. The people began looking at Blue.

    "So all this, was MY fault?!" said Blue. The Great Fatty looked angrily at Blue and shouted

    "Yes it is! Look at what you done! Because of your stupid Charmeleon, you caused the Clefairy to come here and wrecked everything! If you had trained your Charmeleon to aim properly, this wouldn't have happened!! This people won't be homeless and this city won't be a war zone if you had been a good trainer!!" Blue looked at the city and at the Great Fatty. He looked as though he going to have a breakdown.

    "You're wrong"

    The Blue, the people and the Great Fatty began looked at Idolon.

    "You're wrong. The state of this city is not Blue's fault. Neither is the his Charmeleon nor the Bug Catcher. It's nobody's fault for the Clefairy's rampage. The two trainers were just having a battle it's no one's fault that a Pokemon ended up hitting another Pokemon by accident. This whole city and the Clefairy was no one's fault. It was an accident. And do you know what? You're not angry at Blue for wrecking the city. You're angry at him because the Clefairy humiliated you by defeating both of your Pokemon!!" shouted Idolon. The People and Blue looked at him, while the Great Fatty's face gone purely crimson.

    "Hey his right! It's neither both of our faults! What happened was an accident! We shouldn't blame on someone who helped defeating that dang Clefairy!" said the Bug Catcher.

    "But wait! If it's no one's fault for destroying the city. Who will pay for the damage" said a lady.

    "I will" the citizens and the three trainers looked behind and saw Brock.

    "But, you didn't do anything." said a man

    "That's right, I didn't do anything. I didn't stop the Clefairy for burning the city and I didn't try to drive away the Clefairy from the mountain in the first place. So technically half of this was my fault, and I'm willing to pay up my money to help rebuild this city!!" said Brock. The citizens looked at Brock as he walked pass them towards the three trainers.

    "Thanks guys for defeating the Clefairy. If it weren't for you this city would be in ashes by now." said Brock. The citizens began to cheer and applaud at the three trainers (mostly on Blue and Idolon). Idolon feels quite awkward and happy at the same time while Blue no longer feeled sad and feeled quite happy as well. The Great Fatty was about to say something until Misdreavus hypnotized him to sleep. The Aerodactyl, feeling flattered, sent out a huge happy roar at the sky.

    As the Smoke from the burning city cleared from the sky. Revealing the Sun once more to the ruined city.

    _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

    And that's Chapter 6 of Seeking for Trouble. Please leave a feedback if you wanted. So yeah, that's about it.

    Party:

    ;200; ;451; ;115; ;142;

    :495: ;021; ;128; ;138;

    ;005; ;017; ;140;
     
  20. Rotomknight

    Rotomknight THE GREATEST TRAINER

    Them racing to the museum instead of a blitz to cinnabar was a excellent twist,
     

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