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Selection

Air Dragon

Ha, ha... not.
Hey all! it's me again! Just thought i'd try for some variety by writing up a second-shorter fic than The Corei Quest alongside it. Maybe some more stuff will come to me for that over time. i'll post the prologue for now and based on your reviews will decide to keep updating or keep focus on TCQ. Enjoy!

Prologue

“Oh man, I am so damn late!” A loud, New Yorker accent yelled.

The speaker was a tall, lanky sixteen year old boy, running down the silver and gold paved road to the Kanto/Johto Pokémon League HQ: the Indigo Plateau. The boy had black spiky hair and chestnut brown eyes that matched his tracksuit. His blue-and white Saucony trainers thudded on the stone steps as he raced up towards the glass doors. He’d been here two years ago, but the occasion this time around was different, bigger… and about to leave him behind!

The boy was Skip Morrison, former Kanto Pokémon Champion and former Silver Conference Champion (a few years apart of course, though such niggling details were annoying to Skip), and seriously out of breathe as he burst through the automatic doors smack into a young girl.

“Oww! Hey watch it, you!” she cried in an upper class British accent, picking herself off thee floor and glaring at the older youth through angry sea blue eyes.

“Well, excuuuse me!” Skip grumbled, lifting himself off the floor to peer at the brash child. To Skip, she barely looked older that eleven, her violet hair worn short and clipped at the front with a bright yellow hairpin. The girl seemed to have a deep liking for looking regal in a casual way; she donned all in purple: purple jacket, tee shirt, shorts (which left a lot of her lower body showing) Like anyone’d want to look, Skip thought, and purple moccasins. Only her long ankle socks were white with purple stripes.

Talk about bad taste, Skip thought, taking in her monotonous appearance as he brushed himself up. Looks more like a seriously stuck-up prune than a trainer.

“Do you happen to know who I am?” she continued haughtily.

“Uh, someone with a serious problem with fashion tastes?” Skip replied, not caring less who the heck she was supposed to be. Being polite wasn't Skip's strong point.

In the next two seconds, Skip was doubled over in pain. The younger trainer had decided to use that statement as a stimulus to kick him in the groin.

“WHAT WAS ALL THAT?!” he screamed, his eyes streaming.

“I happen to be Gwendolyn Hitchins; genius Hoenn trainer, and you are nothing but a rude, unmannerly pig!” she stated loudly, turning around and stalking off to the upper story.

“Oh, I am so gonna whup her purple butt black and blue!” Skip groaned to the linoleum floor.

“May I help you?” a soft voice called.

Skip looked up to see a girl around his age with her brown hair rolled up and tucked under a white cloth in a bun at the back of her neck. Her copper brown eyes sparkled with life and concern as she knelt on the floor before Skip. She wore a traditional Chinese costume, dark blue with a pretty floral design, red hems on the sleeves and collar, at which part moved from the front of her collar to the left. She also wore long trousers, the same colour as her shirt and blue black plimsoles. She helped her friend off the floor with a concerned look.

“Hey, Mia,” Skip mumbled, looking her slightly curvy frame up and down. Kimberly ‘Mia’ Yairu was of a medium build and the trainer who had dethroned him as Johto Pokémon champ the year after he’d won the title. Skip, who at five foot eleven, was about a head and a half taller than her, didn’t really bear any grudge against her for claiming his title. “You doin’ OK?”

“Oh, yes!” she said enthusiastically, blushing faintly as she avoided Skip’s eyes. Unknown to Skip, she had had a serious crush on him since he passed through her local town of Lavender Town the previous year. He’d been her inspiration, and had spurred her to leave home not only to become a strong trainer herself but also to run into Skip on the road again. Skip saw her actions around him as weird to say the least.

“What’s with your face?” he asked her, noticing the heat radiating off her.

“No…nothing! How have you been?” she cried nervously, forcing herself to cool down and look directly at Skip. A feat she was failing terribly at.

“Uh, OK, I guess… any idea what we're doing here?” Skip wondered aloud.

“HEY! ASIAN CHICK! THERE YOU ARE!” A loud, Australian surfer boy voice boomed out jovially, making Mia jump and scuttle around Skip.

A large, heavily tanned man of about twenty two strolled up to the twosome and thrust himself in front of them, throwing his heavily muscled chest into Skip’s face. He wore a blue vest, white beach shorts and green strapped sandals.

"Hey cutie! Lost sight of you for a mo' back there! Are you playing hard to get?" He added playfully, trying to gain eye contact with Mia. He has a swagger that suited his appearance and personality, Skip thought. Too bad it ain't a nice personality, he added internally, glancing at Mia and noticing that she seemed glad there was a sort of barrier between them now.

"uh, excuse me? I'm not a phone here" Skip announced, trying to be polite. However, when Skip tries to be polite, he usually doesn't quite achieve the right effect.

"Well, if it isn't the Whiz Kid. What's up, shrimp?" Cain said, apparently just noticing the trainer between himself and Mia.

Shrimp? Skip thought angrily. Shrimp?! Just cuz you're about three inches taller than me doen't mean I'm a shrimp!

“Moving in on my property already, Whiz Kid?” he continued in a growl at Skip, his handsome blue eyes flashing menacingly

“Hey. Cain Weston, right? What’s up?” Skip said cautiously. He’d heard of this guy… although Skip had no major issues keeping track of people he'd met, he was grateful he hadn't met this 'surfer dude' face to face before now.

“That’s right! Cain Weston, Johto three-time champ… I lost my title to you, if I recall correctly…” he added, snarling slightly.

So that's where I heard the name before! Skip thought, his mind travelling back to the magazine article his little sister had rhapsodised about as he was leaving.

Aloud he retorted “Hey, you didn’t compete that year, so don’t look at me… if you wanted the darn title, you shoulda competed to defend it."

"Say what?!" Cain roared, a not-too-pleasant vein throbbing on his temple.

"You heard me right." Skip answered coolly. Then he added, "Oh yeah...and since when was Mia ‘Your property’? If you want my opinion, I'd say she doesn't like being around you.” staring him down. Skip wasn’t one to back down from a challenge.

Mia stared at Skip in wonder.

Does Skip care for me that much? She thought, blushing a little more.

“What the...you wanna go at it, Whiz Kid?” Cain snorted half-indifferently, half-angrily, readying a pokéball.

“Why not? Show me what you got, old timer!” Skip answered cheekily, pulling out one of his own off his trouser leg and enlarging it.

“HEY, CAIN! GET OVER HERE!” A brusque voice yelled. Both Cain and Skip started and swivelled around looking for the source of the commanding voice.

“Shoot, I’ll deal with you later. I’m coming, already!” he added, running to join a girl of around eighteen, with waist long pink hair, sky blue eyes and a cream and blue highlighted outfit: boots, a cutoff shirt with a pale yellow triangular emblem on the right side and short cream leggings. Skip recognized her as Aldrea Weston, a seasoned trainer with no current accolades as of yet. She became highly recognized after defeating two elite four members at the age of seventeen.

“Thank you, Skip,” Mia said, bowing a little.

“Uh, nothing to it. I just don’t like his type.” Skip muttered, watching Cain’s retreating back.

Mia's face fell slightly. Guess not, she thought, slightly downcast.

“I wonder why he’s here, too… ” he mused. "Is there some knid o' rally goin' on here?"

“Um, could it be that he got one of these too?” Mia asked, pulling out a royal blue envelope with her name printed on it in fancy black lettering.

Skip stared at it. He’d received on of those too, prior to his departure for the Indigo Plateau…

Before he could say anything further, a voice called out from the speaker above the stairway:

Attention, all red-invitation recipients. Please move to the upper storey of the Pokémon Center now. I repeat: please move to the upper floor of the Pokémon Centre now. Thank you.

Skip watched as Cain, Aldrea and a snowy haired boy of about ten move towards the stairs. He turned to Mia, who nodded and led the way towards the stairs after the other three trainers towards a new experience…


So! What d'you think? Any ideas for trainers and pokemon used will be gratefully accepted in posts. Later!
 
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Saffire Persian

Now you see me...
Review of Prologue

Prologue


The speaker was a tall, lanky fifteen year old boy, running down up the silver and gold paved road to the Kanto/Johto Pokémon League HQ: the Indigo Plateau. The boy had black spiky hair and chestnut brown hair that matched his tracksuit. His blue-and white Saucony trainers thudded on the stone steps as he raced up towards the glass doors. He’d been here two years ago, but the occasion this time around was different, bigger… and about to leave him behind!

... Many things I found a bit odd in this paragraph. One "Black spiky hair AND chestnut brown... forgive me, but I found the combonation odd. Also, your use of description here: while description is good and very much needed, I can successfully say that this "stringy" type of description does not usually work. It's better to slip details in rather than have it in one big appearance dump.

The boy was Skip Morrison, former, former Kanto Pokémon Champion and former Silver Conference Champion, and seriously out of breathe as he burst through the automatic doors smack into a young girl.

You're getting yourself into some type of Gary-stu here.. the beginnings of it. Be careful - having Skip be both a Kanto and a Silver Conference Champion is asking for trouble. Plus, he seems quite young. Also, delete the 'former' I put in bold, it's not needed. Former is former, no matter how many times he's been so. it means the same thing, you're just needlessly repeating yourself.


(which left a lot of her lower body showing. Like anyone’d want to look, Skip thought.) and purple moccasins. Only her long ankle socks were white with purple stripes.

Yet he's thinking about it - and her being an Eleven-year-old girl.. Meh.. *shudders*. And, you don't need to wrap the () around the thought. Leave it outside of it, and end the last parentheses after showing.

taking in her monotonous appearance as he brushed himself up.

How is her appearance monotone? XD.. Personally, ANYONE with violet hair would catch my attention.

“I happen to be Gwendolyn Hitchins; genius Hoenn trainer, and you are nothing but a rude, unmannerly pig!” she stated loudly, turning around and stalking off to the upper storey.

I do find Gwen's personality funny. XD


It should be story.

“Oh, yes!” she said enthusiastically, blushing faintly as she avoided Skip’s eyes.

“What’s with your face?” he asked her, noticing the heat radiating off her.

Noticing the heat radiating off her? Ehh.. What.. is she a heater or something?

“HEY! ASIAN CHICK! THERE YOU ARE!” A loud, Australian surfer boy voice boomed out jovially, making Mia jump and scuttle around Skip.

Okay.. here I have had enough with all the different multi-cultural people - ALL in one chapter. Odd - more than odd. Not only that, but you tend to use "British accent" , "new-yorker accent" and such to introduce them.. it sounds bland... and I find it kinda cheesy at times, especially at the rate you're using this.. First a New Yorker accent.. (He certainly doesn't seem to talk like on in the dialogue), then a British, then Mia's an Asian chic? And now Surfer-boy? Forgive me, but I don't like you're going about it. It's good to have multi-cultures and all..but not like this.

“That’s right! Cain Weston, Johto three-time champ… I lost my title to you, if I recall correctly…” he added, snarling slightly.

... And Skip has trouble remembering who he is? XD I certainly wouldn't forget if I beat a three-time champ.. and what is WITH all the Champs here.. oy...

“Hey, you didn’t compete that year, so don’t look at me… and since when was Mia ‘Your property’?” Skip retorted boldly, staring him down. Skip wasn’t one to back down from a challenge.

I'm getting stereotypical Gary-Stu readings...

“HEY, CAIN! GET OVER HERE!” A brusque voice yelled.

Then skip just stops?...eh...

She became highly recognized after defeating two elite four members at the age of seventeen.

Really, what's with all these young, famous people, eh? Especially with all these credentials. I find it hard he KNOWS all of them.. sure, they might be going to this event..but sheesh. They are separated by Regions, you know.

Personality's okay - Gwen was good, and Cain had a bit of a personality. Description was.. well stringy , it could definitely be better, and your word usage, narrative, and prose could use work.. as well as trying to get the rest of the characters to stand out and seem more..well... real ... be careful about having your character turn out to be a Gary-stu.
 

Air Dragon

Ha, ha... not.
Firstly thanks to Saffire Persian for being my first reviewer! Thanks for the grammar checks and writing errors too. I honestly apologize for any stereotyping as well as the big goof with Skip intro.
Don't worry, things will begin to unfold (i.e. their purpose for meeting, extra things about them, why they're so varied) in the next few chapters if you want it to continue. Thanks again! Later!
 
Well you've certainly got a good grasp of what your characters look like. But I'd try redirecting the description from what the characters look like to their personality and surroundings. I've found that if you build a character's personality strongly enough, nobody cares what they look like and tend not to even notice that they don't know. And if you use all your description on what the characters look like, it can seem as superficial as the appearances you're describing. Eh, that's my rant done.

Another point to consider is using italics instead of capitals. I could almost understand it for the surfer guy cause it looks as big and bold as he's supposed to be, but for the others, italics tend to look more professional. IMO at least.

Anyway, it certainly seems like there's excitement ahead. I'll be interested to see how you do the battle scenes that seem inevitable at this point. ^^ Good luck and keep writing! PM me when the next chapter goes up if you want a reader/reviewer.

Piney.
;204;;324;
 

Silawen

Fanfiction Critic
Alright, time for a bit of concrit. Obviously Saffire Persian already gave you pointers and the like, but perhaps I can add to that a bit. Some of the tips might be duplicate because of that.

“Oh man, I am so damn late!” A loud, New Yorker accent yelled.

The speaker was a tall, lanky sixteen year old boy, running down up the silver and gold paved road to the Kanto/Johto Pokémon League HQ: the Indigo Plateau. The boy had black spiky hair and chestnut brown eyes that matched his tracksuit. His blue-and white Saucony trainers thudded on the stone steps as he raced up towards the glass doors. He’d been here two years ago, but the occasion this time around was different, bigger… and about to leave him behind!

"Oh man, I am so damn late!" a loud, New Yorker accent yelled.

The speaker was a tall and lanky sixteen year old boy, running down the silver and gold paved road towards the Kanto and Johto Pokémon League HQ: The Indigo Plateau. The boy had black spiky hair, and chestnut brown eyes that matched his tracksuit. His blue-and white Saucony trainers thudded on the stone steps as he raced up towards the glass doors. He'd been here two years ago, but this time around the occasion was different, bigger...and about to leave him behind.


Since I'm pretty sure New York doesn't exist in the pokémon world it seems kind of odd to mention it in relation to your character.
Running down up? It reems rather impossible to run down yet up something.

This seems to be the description fase, most beginning writers have this. They throw in a single paragraph of description - more if we're unlucky - and then never mention it again. It would perhaps be better if you showed us what he looked like throughout the story. For instance, you used the thudding of feet to accent the sneakers, that's a good way to do it. Just make a mention of his appearance now and then. If the wind blows, mention his hair. If he's looking at something, casually mention his eyecolour. Just don't do it too much and for too long a time.

The boy was Skip Morrison, former Kanto Pokémon Champion and former Silver Conference Champion, and seriously out of breathe as he burst through the automatic doors smack into a young girl.

The boy was Skip Morrison, former Kanto and Silver Conference Champion, and seriously out of breath as he burst through the automatic doors smack into a young girl.

This just screams Gary-Stu. Kanto Pokémon Champion and Silver Conference Champion? Boy's done well in so few years.

“OWW! Hey watch it, you!” she cried in an upper class British accent, picking herself off the floor and glaring at the older youth through angry sea blue eyes.

Oww! Hey, watch it, you!" she cried in an upper class accent British accent, picking herself up from the floor and glaring at the older youth through angry sea-blue eyes.

Again with the accent. You could make it more authentic by perhaps saying 'Goldenrod' instead of New Yorker and... 'Violet City' instead of British.
There is no need to capitalize OWW like that. The exclamation point already indicates it is said with force, so there is no need.

“Hey! Excuuuse me!” Skip grumbled, lifting himself off the floor to peer at the brash child. To Skip, she barely looked older that eleven, her violet hair worn short and clipped at the front with a bright yellow hairpin and donned all in purple: purple jacket, tee shirt, shorts (which left a lot of her lower body showing) Like anyone’d want to look, Skip thought, and purple moccasins. Only her long ankle socks were white with purple stripes.

"Hey! Excuuuuse me," Skip grumbled, lifting himself off the floor to peer at the brash child. To Skip she barely looked older than eleven, her violet hair worn short and clipped at the front with a bright yellow hairpin and donned all in purple: purple jacket, tee shirt, and shorts, which left a lot of her lower body showing. 'Like anyone'd want to look,' Skip thought. She also wore purple moccasins. Only her long ankle socks were white, but with purple stripes.

Perhaps you can change the first sentence to; "Well, excuuuse me," Skip grumbled. It just sounds better, seeing as you can't shout and grumble at the same time. He's checking out an 11-year old? *raises eyebrow*
This is another 'description paragraph' which could have been done throughout the story. There's also a line there which is off;

her violet hair worn short and clipped at the front with a bright yellow hairpin and donned all in purple: purple jacket, tee shirt, and shorts, which left a lot of her lower body showing.

The sentence implies her hair was donned all in purple: purple jacket etc. instead of the girl.

Talk about bad taste, Skip thought, taking in her monotonous appearance as he brushed himself up.

Brushed up?
Also, monotonous sounds rather off. I can't quite think of a word to replace it, but think about it.

In the next two seconds, Skip was doubled over in pain. The brat had decided to use that statement as a stimulus to kick him in the groin.

“WHAT WAS ALL THAT?!” he screamed, his eyes streaming.

“I happen to be Gwendolyn Hitchins; genius Hoenn trainer, and you are nothing but a rude, unmannerly pig!” she stated loudly, turning around and stalking off to the upper story.

Hi, Gwendolyn seems like a good and interesting character, make sure to develop her. ^^ And, good on her.

Skip looked up to see a girl around his age with her brown hair rolled up and tucked under a white cloth in a bun at the back of her neck. Her copper brown eyes sparkled with life and concern as she knelt on the floor before Skip. She wore a traditional Chinese costume, dark blue with a pretty floral design with red hems and sleeves, which moved from the front of her collar to the left. She also wore long trousers, the same colour as her shirt and blue black plimsoles. She helped her friend off the floor with a concerned look.

Another description fase. Try to shorten it and add more description later on in the story. Also, there is another odd sentence:

She wore a traditional Chinese costume, dark blue with a pretty floral design with red hems and sleeves, which moved from the front of her collar to the left.

So, the floral designs had red hems and sleeves? ;)

“Hey, Mia,” Skip mumbled, looking her slightly curvy frame up and down. Kimberly ‘Mia’ Yairu was of a medium build and the trainer who had dethroned him as Johto Pokémon champ the year after he’d won the title. Skip, who at five foot eleven, was about a head and a half taller than her, didn’t really bear any grudge against her for claiming his title. “You doin’ OK?”

Well, he's certainly a guy. *eyeroll* Edit out the , before was.

“HEY! ASIAN CHICK! THERE YOU ARE!” A loud, Australian surfer boy voice boomed out jovially, making Mia jump and scuttle around Skip.

Hmm, I'd say you're stereotyping terribly. Poor Aussies. And, Asian chick? We're in the pokémon world, remember?

Alright, some overall comments.

Skip sounds and acts like a Gary-Stu. He's bold, accomplished, has a hot girl fawning over him, has a rival, has good qualities and looks good compared to 'the loud Aussie' and the 'stuck-up Brit'. Which, to be honest, is not true since he didn't even properly apologise to the girl for running into her and being rude.
He's probably also a self-insert, seeing as it's the American who's the main focus and so great.

The secundary characters seem to be there to compliment your characters, whether by attitude or by their thoughts and/or comments. They're all brilliant - which is another thing I find ridiculous - yet Skip has this extra quality to him, for some odd reason.

You have small problem with the way you tell the story, too. At first you have a Skip-story teller. (He thinks the girl's rude, so does the story-teller, he thinks she's brash, so does the story-teller.) Later, however, you have the story-teller say 'Unknown to Skip, she had had a serious crush on him since he passed through her local town of Lavender Town the previous year.'
You will have to choose. Either a biased story-teller, or not.

Points to work on:

Integrating character description into the story.
I've already explained this, but it's vital. The way you're doing it now isn't working, it only makes the story seem fragmented.

Character personalities.
While I like the way you've handled Gwendolyn the others seem a bit stereotyped.

Believability.
All these great Masters, at such a young age, miraculously get together and know each other?

Gary-Stu needs to go.
Skip is a Gary-Stu and probably a self-insert. That's not good.

Sentence structure.
Some sentences are constructed oddly.

Basically it's about the characters for you, with a side-dish of sentence-structure. Good luck, let me know if you need more help!

;019; Sila
 

IceKing

Sexorific!
Good job Shiny Miteyena, you already bagged three of the best reviewers in the business!


Well, Saffire Persian and Silaween have basically covered most of what I want to say so I don't want to be too repetitive and I'll just make this review small. Well one of the biggest things I noticed is that you have very listy description. Its wonderful that your trying, but it's also important to know that you can't just give such a big chunk of description all at once, it just doesn't sound right. Instead try to introduce the descriptions gradually and really don't bother with the clothing unless it's nessecary, people tend to HATE excessive clothing description. And also, these kids are a tiny bit too accomplished. All the Elite Four members have spent years training to get to the position where they are, the Anime best portrays their strength. Sure in the games you could train pokemon more powerful than them in less than a few months, but in Ficland we tend to keep things more realistic. Maybe one tournament win each would be good for them all, but don't be going stuffing with them with power! Unlike everyone else, I can beleive that they all know each other. George Bush knows Tony Blair, Lance knows Bruno, Barney knows the Teletubbies...people of position know each other! And as everyone else said, Skip is a bit of a Gary Stu. The best way to try and fix it is to give emphasis on his bad traits, mainly his rudeness (btw, I loved Gwendolyn!) And the other three reviewers pretty much covered everything...

Overall, this fic does seem a bit interesting with the best trainers of the Pokemon World coming together, but right now its a tad far fetched and there are some basic problems, try and fix those first.

PS-Is Whiz Kid based on DeoxysTrainer?
 

Air Dragon

Ha, ha... not.
Shout outs and thanks to all reviewers! i think it's awesome to have you three on my side! Thank you! I'll try to lengthen out the descriptions in upcoming chappies. these guys are the elite of their generations. Geniuses, if you will (in the Sasuke and Neji respect.) the talent was there in a raw format and i wanted to make it sound like they only had to hone it over time. besides they aren't all that young. Cain is twenty two and Aldrea hasn't been confirmed as any older . They just took different time frames to accomplish their goals. they don't really know each other personally, Skip met Mia once and Cain is related to Aldrea (i won't say how yet, oyu can try and guess if you feel like it) but that's mostly what there is to their links. they only know each other outside of these bonds through articles on the tourneys, battles etc that they won.
there could be more trainers coming in... still working on it. with the nationalities, i was just describing their appearance (in Mia's case), attitude (in Cain's case) and accent (Skip and Gwendoline). i guess i specified on their outfits wrongly :Gwen was donned all in purple and mia's outfit had the floral design, not the collar! Sila, love to hear more input from you! Pls PM me with suggestions! You guys too, Ice King and SP! I've got loads of reading, reviewing and editing to do so I'll catch y'all later! could you check out my other fic "The Corei Quest' and land your opinions on that thread for me too? Tahnk You all once again! Later!
P.S. Oh, and IceKing? Is Whiz Kid based on DeoxysTrainer, right? Nope. Never really heard of DeoxysTrainer before this. Just enuciating of Skip's young age, high skill and Cain's dislike for him. Didn't bother to find out about Gary-stu either. pls Pm me his (Gary's) line-up and i'll be sure to avoid it in the fic to promote originality.
 
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Metallic Mantis Reborn

Watch the power
Hey!Shiny Mightyena! I'll be a constant here.
So, for a review. I'm VERY lazy, so i'll sum it up.
A few grammar mistakes, "breathe" instead of breath, and you could alternately, say like a "Cinnabar" or "Forttree" accent instead of the non regional ones. The plot is developing, but Skip is so perfect and hot and strong and whatnot, so there's almost no plot to work with. My suggestion: Have Skip get disgraced,then have him fight his way back. Just a suggestion, dont use it if ya dont wanta, but if you do, then thats great.
 

Air Dragon

Ha, ha... not.
It's fianlly here! Selection, Chapter one!

Okay so it took a while (two weeks, who am i kidding?!) Anyways, here finally is chapter one. Enjoy!

Chapter One – Rules of Selection

Skip trudged up the stairs alongside Mia, still trying to figure out why so many elite trainers had gathered in one place. However, there were too many whos, whats and whys as to the reason this assembly had been gathered. He therefore consented himself to asking someone who had more reason to answer. Skip wasn’t one for deep thinking. At least not much of it…

“So what d’you think, Mia?” he whispered as they followed Cain and Aldrea up the stairs.

“I’m not too sure,” she replied. “Did you hear about the Elite Four’s recent problems?” She in turn asked the black haired trainer.

“That they were having issues about which league standard to follow?” Skip queried, looking thoughtful. “Yeah, I think I heard something about that from my sister. She more into the news than I am,” he said, folding his arms as they continued to ascend the stairs.

The duo had arrived at the top of the stairs into the trading center of the Pokémon Centre. And what they saw there blew their minds.

“What the- “Skip gasped.

There must have been at least ten more tough looking trainers there, some conversing in low tones with others, some in their respective corners, polishing their pokéballs and yet a couple more leaning against walls trying to looking bored, cool and apprehensive all at once.

“Whooah… tough competition!” Cain crowed in triumph, marching right inside to make his presence felt.

“Urgh… why I had to be related to that guy,” Aldrea moaned, moving away from Skip and Mia to stop Cain from making a total fool of himself in front of two young women; one looking like she was in her late twenties with long brown hair and the other in her mid-thirties whose face was framed with wavy curtains of blue hair that matched her leotard and cape.

“No. Way,” Skip gasped, gaping and pointing at the two ladies, the one in a white dress looking relieved as Aldrea dragged her cousin away from them.

“You know them personally?” Mia asked, also taken aback by their presence.

“If my memory serves me right…” Skip began.

“Better than your manners, you mean,” replied an uncomfortably familiar voice. Skip whirled around to see the purple haired Gwendolyn Hitchins standing to his right. “It is rude to stare and point too,” she added, as Skip’s face reddened.

“Excuse me again!” Skip groaned, rolling his chestnut brown eyes. “Just who was talking to you?” he asked, anything but politely.

“Like I care who you’re talking to,” Gwendolyn replied haughtily. “My point is simply that you have no manners at all. Incidentally, I’m walking here, so do stay out of the doorway,” she added, flouncing off around them to the two trainers who Cain and Aldrea had just left behind.

Skip looked ready to kill. Possibly Mia noticed, for she hastily shook off her look of abject terror and said quickly, “Have you noticed something familiar about all the trainers here?”

“Not really,” Skip snarled, staring daggers at the young Rustboro City trainer’s back.

“Well, they all have red envelopes, just like ours,” Mia pointed out.

“Say what?” Skip exclaimed, finally looking carefully around the room, seeing flashes of red everywhere as trainers flashed them at each other.

“Amazing, isn’t it? It’s almost as if they were all invited here for a special reason” Mia continued, scanning the room also, looking slightly worried. “They seem so strong though!”

“Pfft, no biggie, I can flatten them all no problemo! You too!” Skip assured Mia in a confident voice.

’No biggie, I can flatten them all no problemo!’” mimicked a bored voice full of sarcasm from behind them.

Skip was sure he’d contract arthritis from all the times he’d had to twist his neck that day. He turned to see a boy with snowy white hair which all cascaded backwards save for a lock which fell to the bridge of his nose leaning against the wall with his arms crossed.

Kids! Skip fumed. What is with them? Do they all have to have a serious attitude problem?

“Just who’re you meant to be?” Skip snorted. “Shrimp?” he added in a tone of disgust. He towered over the boy’s slight, five foot one frame.

“Dude, just ‘cause I short, I doesn’t mean I’m a shrimp,” the boy answered, finally opening his eyes to reveal that they had an icy green colour. He unfolded his arms and placed them on the pockets of his baggy camouflage trousers. “Say, you’re Skip Morrison aren’t you?”

“That’s right and don’t you forget it!” Skip nodded puffing out his chest.

“I’m Raigisou Saito,” the boy answered. “I heard all about you, won the Indigo League on your- what was it- third try? And the Silver one on your second?” the youth said, a cold smirk on his face.

“Hey! I was ten then when I first competed in a league, you damn third grader, you!” Skip said heatedly. He absolutely hated people bringing out his weaknesses.

“Actually, I’m thirteen,” Saito corrected him humorlessly. “In addition to earning all eight Hoenn League badges, I’m also a Grand Festival semifinalist and a renowned Trainer Tower champ, and that was all in the last eighteen months.”

“Saito? I so do NOT give a damn! OK?” Skip exploded.

“I wasn’t talking to you, I was addressing your lady friend,” Saito told him. “By the way, what’s you’re name?” he added, a faint tinge of pink rising in his cheeks as he turned to face Mia.

“M-M-Mia,” Mia replied, a little surprised at the thirteen-year-old’s behavior.

“My what? ” Skip said, temporarily disarmed by the youth.

“What part of ‘I wasn’t talking to you’ DON’T you understand? Maybe it’s your old stupidity acting up again. You know the same one that led to your choosing a Sandslash to fight a Wailord?” Saito said a little sharply.

“Hey, shut up about that, ok?!” Skip snarled, blushing deeper as everybody in the room turned to listen in.

“I mean, any fool should be able to tell a Water type when they see one…at least one of human caliber. What you did then was just plain moronic, made me lose faith in you as a role model, to be frank …well, I guess I’ll see you around, Miss Mia,” Saito continued, oblivious to Skip saying anything as he turned to leave.

“Hey, I’m not done with you yet, Shrimp!” Skip yelled, desperate to retain at least a shred of his pride.

“Oh, and one more thing Mr. Morrison, you aren’t anything special here,” Saito added stopping briefly but not turning to face the enraged Pewter City trainer. “Among prodigies, a prodigy is a prodigy,” he then added as he looked behind him into Skip’s eyes “Bear that in mind, ‘cause if your ego speaks for any skill you think you have, then I should tell you right now that you have none. Later.”

“Yo! Get back here, shrimp!” Skip yelled, starting towards Saito’s retreating back.

“Everybody here? Good, good…” a brusque, no-nonsense voice asked.

Sixteen heads swiveled in the direction the voice had come from. A tall man in a black tracksuit with flaming red hair that looked as though it were on fire strode into the room, black cape billowing out behind him and with an entourage of men and a woman in lab coats in tow.

Silence reigned in the room for about eight seconds when it was broken by the young lady with blue hair Cain had tried to hit on earlier.

“Cousin Lance? What are you doing here?” she asked in wonder.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everybody had settled down onto the multicoloured pouffes or against the walls at the sight of the prominent figures who now stood in the room with them.

The man in the tracksuit spoke again in his loud, ringing voice,” Well, now that you are all assembled…yes?” he asked, noticing Saito and Cain’s hands raised as though in class and nodding at Saito.

“Well, uh, Mr. Lance, would you mind telling us…” Saito began, but Cain and Skip chose that moment to cut in angrily. Though their versions varied in various degrees, what they said could very mildly be translated to” “What the heck we’re doing here?”

A loud cracking noise followed as Aldrea and Gwendolyn brought their fists down sharply on the top of the twosomes’ heads.

“OWW! What was that for?!” Cain yelled, hands now covering a smoking lump that now resided where Aldrea had smacked him.

“Yeah, you dumb prune, what?” Skip added, his face redder than a Charmeleon could ever muster.

“Lack of respect, duh,” Gwendolyn replied. “Uh, please carry on, Mr. Lance,” she added to Lance, whose eyes were roughly the size of saucers at this display of strength and overly strict discipline.

“They do seem to possess Agatha’s complete lack of mercy,” A tall man with a well-built body and short graying hair murmured to Lance, smiling faintly as he reached for a handkerchief from his lab coat pocket.

“I suppose, Samuel…Good Lord, just when you thought there could never be another one,” Lance muttered back.

"Another one of what?" Gwendolyn asked, totally mystified.

“Sign at least one of them up for thirty,” the woman in the lab coat smiled as she brushed back her long blue hair, eyes flashing with what could have been ill humour.

“Sign one of us up for thirty what?” Aldrea asked suspiciously.

“I believe I may answer young Miss Weston’s question, if it is quite alright with the rest of you,” the man Lance had called Samuel asked the delegation of scientists.

The group offered various signs of assent, at which Samuel addressed the group.

“Welcome to the Indigo Plateau! To those who have been here before, welcome back! For those who do not know them, Professor Elm, a close colleague of mine from New Bark Town…”

A tall, thin man with wire rimmed glasses in a lab coat waved merrily to the gaggle of trainers.

“…Professor Birch, another colleague and highly noted professor from Littleroot Town all the way on the Hoenn landmass…”

A middle aged man with a full yet well kept beard smiled and acknowledged this introduction with a nod.

“…Professor Ivy, resident professor of the Orange Islands…”

The curvy lady in the lab coat gave off a sly look around the room at the mention of her name. A couple of men in the room (Skip and Cain inclusive) found her as the most popular attraction in the room. Fortunately, Aldrea and Gwendolyn decided to let dirty, perverted dogs lie and ignore them.

“…Lance Summers, the head of the Indigo Plateau,” the professor went on, gesturing towards the man in the tracksuit, who had his arms folded as he reclined in his chair, not giving any sign of acknowledgement at the mention of his name.

“…and I Professor Samuel Oak, local Pokémon expert, Pallet Town, must congratulate you all on qualifying for our Selection Program…”

A storm of murmuring broke out at the last two words.

“Selection, he said?”

“What selection?”

“What does he mean?”

Lance stood up and bellowed, “If you greenhorns keep it down, you just may find out!”

Though there were quite a couple of tough looking trainers in the room, they immediately fell silent at the stern tone of the current head of the Indigo Plateau voice.

“Erm, thank you Lance,” Professor Oak said uneasily.

“Anytime,” Lance replied with a small smile as he handed a red envelope to the professor and returned to his seat.

Prof. Oak cleared his throat and continued:

“Well, let me explain. I believe that over the past month, letters in red envelopes were addressed to each trainer present in this room,” the professor announced to the now silent and watchful room.

There were a couple of silent nods of assent at this.

“The terms were clearly stated upon each letter that for those of you who had, ahem… ‘achieved the title of Champion in any league tournament in the last five years, or any equivalent form of recognition, together with the recommendation of at least four gym leaders for those who were champions once or at least six in the case of those who haven’t as of yet received such status and forwarded the just mentioned credentials to the Indigo Plateau Pokémon League HQ within two weeks of receipt of letter would be eligible to compete in a tournament of great merit and prestige,’ the professor read from an identical letter that each of the trainers in the room held in their possession.

“That much we understand, Professor,” the young woman in white said only a little uncertainly.

“I believe you young ‘uns have heard about the Kanto and Johto Leagues deciding which league Elite Four would head the new coalition league,” Professor Birch asked the group at large.

“You mean after Cinnabar Island’s gym was destroyed by the island’s volcanic activity three years back?” A young man in a judo sparring outfit asked.

“And after Viridian City’s involvement with Team Rocket was exposed,” a woman in a dark green ninja outfit added with a nod.

“Yeah, we heard,” a man who could have been her twin with identical short, green hair and sharp cornered eyes piped up.

“But what has got to do with us being here today, already?” Skip fumed, still perplexed and grumpy at the rough treatment he’d experienced at Gwendolyn’s hand.

“Everything. You see, with the addition of Contest Halls all over Kanto and Johto, the new Coalition League will have eight gyms scattered over the two continents,” Professor Elm said.

“So?” Cain snorted. “Sounds stupid to me…”

Aldrea chose this moment to silence Cain with another healthy serving of serious knuckle.

“These eight gyms, which retain their gym status for the Coalition to take effect, seeing as the five that take Contest Hall status must focus on doing so to make the contests a success, will be led by a single unified elite of trainers,” Professor Ivy cut in.

“I’m still not sure I understand,” Saito cut in.

“And this is why you have been gathered here today,” Lance began to summarize. “You are the elite trainer prodigies of your respective generations, and it has been decided that you will compete in the Selection Program.”

“You mean…” Mia said, unsure she was catching on right.

“That’s right,” Professor Oak resumed, a smile unfurling on his face. “The next generation of the Elite Four will be chosen from amongst you.”

The silence in the room at that pronouncement was the most profound and prolonged yet. It was as if nobody was even breathing. Even the calm and collected Saito seemed stunned beyond speech.

After about ten minutes of painful quietude, a hushed babble of whispers broke forth.

Elite?

“As in, the Elite?”

“No way,” Skip muttered

“Pinch me,” The lady in the white dress murmured to her companion.

“You’re joking,” Aldrea gasped, finally directing the group’s attention towards Lance and the professors, who were calmly taking in their reactions. Professor Ivy was even smiling in amusement at the many stunned faces that filled the room.

“Not at all,” Prof. Oak continued. “You will all compete in teams of four on a special training facility island for the next six weeks in a series of recorded battles on a range of various elemental fields: fire, water, grass, rock, ice, normal, steel and darkness.”

“And the winning team gets to be the new Elite Four?” Skip interrupted excitedly.

“Well, not exactly,” Prof. Elm said.

“While winning does help the team, we’re placing you in these teams to help develop your team spirit, strength as a whole and to help each other overcome their individual weaknesses,” Professor Birch said sagely.

“Hunh?” Cain asked stupidly.

“I’ll explain the rules of the Selection Program in their entirety then,” Lance said, rising to his feet, “seeing as some of you greenhorns are too dim out of battle to switch on a light bulb even if it had an extra chunky switch!”

“What did you say?!” Cain and Skip yelled indignantly.

But no one mentioned your name, Skip Mia thought exasperatedly.

“But if the cap fits your over-inflated heads, you might as well wear them,” Saito mused, eyes still closed as though answering Skip was a waste of effort and time.

“What was that, shrimp?” Skip yelled angrily.

A series of loud smacking noises followed. Skip lay twitching as Aldrea rubbed her well-used knuckles and smiled at Gwendolyn, who gave her a “You go, Girl!” smile and a thumbs up.

“Thank you,” Lance said, attempting a serious tone of voice yet ruining the effect by smiling at the two girls’ antics. “Now, moving on… the battles waged on the various fields mentioned by Professor Oak will be done so in team battle format. To be precise,” he continued, raising his voice slightly to make himself heard over the low rumble of noise,” there will be three rounds per match in which one member from each team will battle one-on-one with a single member of the other team in a one Pokémon each battle. Flags will be positioned on each side of the field. When one side wins, they will take a flag from their side of the pitch and vice versa.

“Thus, a total of nine flags may be won by a single team, although five are needed to qualify your team. Any individual trainer on a team may battle only twice throughout the entire six week period you will spend on Selection Island,” Lance continued.

“When, if you do manage to obtain this minimum requirement,” Prof. Ivy stepped in to add,” acquire five flags, you will make your way to the centre of the island where there will be a lodging facility to receive qualified teams.”

“But it’s like Skip said, right?” Mia asked confusedly. “The teams that make it will be nominated as the new Elite Four?”

“Not quite,” Prof. Birch said, a faint frown crinkling his brow. “If two teams make it to the lodge, it will be decided by we, together with the current Elite Four, who will decide who will eventually qualify for their prestigious position.”

“I don’t follow,” a man looking in his early thirties said, brushing back his handsome sandy hair out of his sparkling blue eyes.

“Neither do I,” a petite blonde agreed. “Doesn’t the whole team pass if they get five flags?”

“Well, the people who will qualify as the Elite Four will be those who actively help their team to pass,” Professor Oak explained. “The terrain will be harsh at times, and team mates may not always get along with each other or through the natural obstacles the island has to offer very well.”

“You’ll need your team mates help to pass through all trials ahead,” Lance agreed.

“This is why we chose you trainers based on your individual battle styles, strengths and weaknesses,” Professor Elm interjected seriously.

“Moving ahead though,” Professor Birch announced. “The teams will be chosen by yourselves by drawing cards like this from the bag Professor Ivy will be passing around.” He, Lance and Professors Oak and Elm held up small, square cards, each a different colour: red, yellow, green and blue.

“One team will face a team of another colour only once,” Professor Birch told them.

“Therefore, you must make sure that every battle counts,” Professor Elm added.

“Are there any questions?” Lance asked. “Yes?” he added, seeing Gwendolyn’s hand up in the air.

“Are Hoenn gyms part of the Coalition League?” She asked.

“No, they aren’t, Miss Hitchins,” Lance answered.

“So why is a Hoenn trainer like me involved in this program?” she queried nonplussed.

“Good question,” Skip muttered, rubbing his head.

Without looking away from Lance, Gwendolyn dealt another sharp blow to Skip’s head, pile-driving his face into the floor.

“Well, Ms. Hitchins,” Profeesor Elm began.

“With Professor Birch and a couple of celebrated Hoenn Elite Four Trainers on the panel, we felt it fair that Hoenn bring forth their own elite candidates to partake in the event to promote unity between our two landmasses.” Professor Oak finished with a smile.

“Oh, I see,” Aldrea said softly.

“When you pick a card, move to the designated gate that matches the colour of your card behind us until your four-man -or woman- team is complete,” Prof. Ivy explained, offering the bag firstly to Saito, who looked bored and apprehensive at the same time as he put in his bag to draw a card.

“Hey, scientific lady,” Cain said, flashing his winning smile at Prof. Ivy as he drew a card,” How’s about a date after I become the strongest Elite Four master?”

“One word of warning, though,” Lance said sternly as Prof. Ivy passed through the room, leaving Cain to twitch on the floor with Skip, courtesy of Gwendolyn’s fist. “Any battling among teams or team mates outside the fields is strictly forbidden. Any one who battles outside the ring will be immediately disqualified and his or her team will ultimately lose the chance to be selected.”

“But how’ll you know if we do?” A chubby man in his mid-forties asked curiously as he picked his card from the bag, his eyes glued on Professor Ivy’s retreating back.

“We’ll have camcorders all over the island in any possible battle location,” Professor Elm said cheerfully,” So we’ll be watching you!” he added in a singsong voice.

All of the trainers present who had their wits about them sweat-dropped.

“From the moment you pass through your gate to the mode of transportation that will take you to Selection Island,” Professor Oak said enigmatically, as Skip recovered enough to draw the last card from the bag and the judges rose to their feet to leave,” your Selection challenge will begin. On behalf of all the judges, I wish you the best of luck.”
 
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Ack. Sorry I took so long to go through this. Even now, I'm not sure if I'm being as helpful as I can be. Where would you like to see future criticism directed? Let me know! Anyway, on to the review!

Hmm. I assume you're going of the more comedic but less serious 'cartoon slapstick' approach? Cause if you're trying to get me to believe that for some reason other that honest stupidity or a macho desire to prove himself that Skip wouldn't retaliate when repeatedly struck on the head, I'm not buying it. That sort of thing belongs in a cartoon/manga - not serious writing. But quality isn't equated to serious, so if you want your fic that way, by all means go for it.

I'm also guessing you're aiming for the 'comedy' genre? You're pulling it off quite well. Personally, I like a little more realism and a little less unbelievable humour, but that's just my preference. Meh. It'll be interesting to see where you go with this.

On a technical matter, I DID spot a few punctuation errors (and possibly spelling? Can't remember...). Just run this through a Spellchecker, proof read or get a beta and little problems like that should disappear.

What I'm most curious about is what pokemon the 'Selection' candidates have. And who'll be in which team.

Incidentally, I don't really feel that if the League wanted an Elite Four for throughout the regions that they would simply pick a new group. I mean, that would be like putting another level of authority over their own heads! Wouldn't they appoint a selection of themselves to be promoted and then hunt down new talent to fill vacated spots? Or simply move some of the Gym Leaders up into their old positions and let some of the Gym Trainers take over for the Gym Leaders? It seems a bit unbelievable that complete unknowns would be chosen as the ultimate authorities over all regions.

The fact that the whole goal of the competition is unbelievable, however, doesn't detract so much fic because it seems that the fic is centered not on the goal, but on the competition itself. It seems like a slightly cheap excuse to write a major competition/Survivor kind of fic. Meh. That's fine. Just don't let us down with the quality of the competition.

You've got what are supposed to be the ultimate trainers from throughout the regions gathered together and about to face of in a battle royale for stakes so high it's incredible. Don't waste this opportunity! You've got it all set up for a major showdown/adventure. Live up to what it looks like you're out to achieve.

I wish you the best of luck in writing the rest of what looks to be one of the most action packed and exciting fics on this forum. (That said, I despise violence and really hope you'll see your way to keeping graphic bloodshed out of any battles that take place. These are top trainers - surely they've learnt by now to control the power they command?) Have fun!

Piney.
;204;;324;
 

Felix Feral Fezirix

Densetsu no Pikachu!
With Chapter 2, Skip seems like someone with little skills and an oversized ego. lol. Gwen and Aldrea are overly-violent though. ^_^ Anyway this is a whole lot different from TCQ. Perhaps because it's a whole different genre and ballgame. lol. WIll be waiting for next chapter.
 

IceKing

Sexorific!
Quite frankly, I really really have no clue what to say in a review XD I'm just going to point to good ol' Piney's review, it has good enough information. Speaking of which, why is it Piney always reviews fics I review XD? Well, I can see your making an effort to put more definition into your charachters, though Skip is kinda being a bit of a comic relief joker. I like the short guy, I can relate to him. Gwen and Aldea are rather violent (so many twitching). Watch out with the constant hitting of boys, it can get easily stale after a while. I'm not too fond of the whole team battle to be Elite Four and wasn't quite sure what was supposed to go on but ah well I'll just read and see. If its Team work they have to do I have a very strong feeling one team witll be Skip-Mgirl-Gwen-Short guy


Sorry this review is so crappy, Ill try and make up later on
 
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