P
Pidgeot79
Guest
This story is not finished and was made to capture an Abra for the URPG at PE2K. If you're wondering, graders are the people that decide if I succesfully capture the targeted Pokemon or not. Ierdar is the current Cerulean City gym leader for the URPG, and he is male, not female, and looks nothing like Misty. Pika57 is one of my friends at PE2K and I chose that name for the character to be random and mildy humorous, Pika57 isn't much like his character in this story. HKim is a G-Mod at PE2K. gun6 is another friend at PE2K, who posted a part of the story for me while I was banned. And also, I'm insane.
war-ni-ng: this story contains the words: "hell", "gay", "dude", "shite", "women" "in" "bras" "and" panties only, and can cause "seizures", if you "are" "offended" already i "reccomend" you continue
RATED XXX;;; APPROPRIATE FOR NO ONE
;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026;
and i probably broke a bunch your fairy tale rules about writing, too, but enjoy
SERIOUS CAR SALESMAN BUSINESS
"Hey, dude." says a man
"What?" says man two
"I want a car." says the man
"First you must battle me! I send Lanturn!" replies man two
“Lanturn, the water Pokemon, it can do some serious water attacks and it has a nice fashion sense.” says man two’s Pokedex
"Go Typhlosion" says the man
“Typhlosion, its Flame Wheel can melt ice! Typhlosion can also get Toxic, all non-Steel and non-Poison Pokemon are screwed.” says man two’s Pokedex
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR!" roars Typhlosion
"Lanturn, use your Spark bounce combination." demands man two
“Typhlosion, Brick Break.” commands the man
Typhlosion obviously had some speed effort value problems so Lanturn went first. Lanturn's Spark glowed from its antennae emitting a rather bright glow, staring directly for too long would not be wise. The Spark attack launched out of Lanturn's antennae and sped towards Typhlosion. Typhlosion jumped over the Spark and it thought it was safe. Then suddenly a Light Screen appeared behind Typhlosion and the Spark bounced back towards Typhlosion. Typhlosion was screwed, it could not jump again, as it was just about to land from its earlier jump, and last time I checked, a 79.5 kilogram Pokemon cannot jump on air. To make it even worse, it was a critical hit, it hit Typhlosion right in the special area, you know which one I am talking about. However, there is more, Typhlosion was paralyzed.
"Youz gotz pwntz." says man two
"Oh my gods, return Typhlosion." says the man
The man points the front of his Pokeball towards Typhlosion and a white beam of light surrounded it, forming a white silhouette. The silhouette then was sucked into the Pokeball.
"Who…Who are you?" questions the man in fear
"I AM THE CAR SALESMAN!" says man two, who will now be known as the car salesman and I refuse to call him anything else, deal with it
The car salesman went back to the main dealership building in victory. His black hair whisping in the air and his slender body being slender.
"CAR SALESMAN!" yelled a big authoritative figure, his boss
"What!?"
"You didn’t sell anything today!”
"But I battled well." retorts the car salesman
"Shut up, I’m sending you on a hard assignment.” says his boss
"…"
"You have to go sell some cars in South America.” says his boss
"But that’s in a completely different world; we live in the Pokemon world.”
"That’s why it’s called a hard assignment!”
"Oh."
"I’ll teleport the car to Earth, then you go there and sell the car.”
"Okay, where is the teleporter?"
"Why are you asking?"
"Because I have to go to Earth."
"THIS IS A HARD ASSIGNMENT; FIND YOU OWN WAY TO EARTH! You have two weeks.”
The car salesman was super annoyed.
The car salesman wondered where he could find a teleporter that would take him to Earth. He thought it would be impossible, especially with the two-week limit. Maybe I should visit professor Oak, he should know a lot about that science stuff the car salesman thought to himself. The car salesman made his way through the streets of Viridian. It took him nearly 20 steps from the dealership, located west of the Viridian City Learning Center, to reach the border of Viridian City and the infamous Route 1.
Route 1 looked beautiful, with its fifty-eight identical trees, seventy-eight impossible to pass odd pillar-shaped stones, and who could forget, the fifty-six flowers of the same breed, conveniently found in patches of two, four, or eight. Wow, the level designers, I mean landscapers got creative here thought the car salesman. The car salesman walked a few steps, and before it was too late, a black-haired boy had somehow summoned an exclamation over his head. He walked toward the car salesman, the car salesman tried moving, but it was impossible, he was locked in his current position.
"You and me gots to battle." says Pokemon Trainer Ted
"Go Rattata!" yells Pokemon Trainer Ted
Pokedex: Rattata is a rat on every imaginable type of drug. Marijuana, cough syrup, cocaine, you name it. Rattatas like to spend the day digging in dumpsters searching for drugs. Otherwise, they are banging their wives. That is how they get their name. Rattata of course sounds like the sound of machine guns going off, and that is exactly what they use to bang their wives. Rattata also battle, they jump and stuff.
"Go Cubone!" yells the car salesman as well
Pokedex: Cubone, the emo Pokemon. Legend has it that Cubone reaches its full potential when listening to some hard-core emo music.
"Rattata, uses Iron Tail."
"You newb, Cubone use Bone Rush"
The Rattata's tail stiffened, it looked as hard as manganese, no, hard as iron! Rattata did a few front flips towards Cubone, Cubone raised its bone to defend as it was obviously going to attack high with the front flip, but right before Rattata's tail was about to connect, Rattata flipped backwards and hit Cubone low. Cubone fell and slid backwards with a shocked expression, dirt clouds flew around everywhere.
"Who's the newb now?" asks Pokemon Trainer Ted
"Erm...is it you?" the car salesman replies with confusion
The boy's face was similar to a hyphen followed by an underscore then followed by another hyphen at this moment.
Cubone stood back up and rushed towards Rattata, who was now back to its original spot of where it was sent out, in front of its trainer. Rattata stared at the Cubone, preparing its dodge. Cubone swung its bone from left to right, Rattata easily dodged by jumping over Cubone and landing behind it, but wait, and that is not all. Cubone lost its balance and spun around due from the massive swing of the bone, Rattata was hit! Cubone then pimp slapped Rattata more with its bone, right to left, left to right, right to left. Rattata could not dodge it as it was already struck once and too weak to move.
"This is some serious Tauros shite, Rattata use Focus Energy."
"No more Mr. Pleasing And Agreeable In Nature, Cubone, use Bonemerang, but don‘t be foolish, use your head."
Blue plasma-like material, which seemed to have appeared out of thin air, was sucked into Rattata. Sweat dripped all over Rattata, but Rattata was brimming with energy.
Cubone was not very impressed, it reared its bone holding hand and then threw it toward Rattata. Rattata’s focused energy helped it dodge it easily, the bone then came back toward Cubone, missing Rattata. Rattata landed, assured of being safe for the turn. Cubone did not grab its bone back though, it head butted the bone back towards Rattata, the bone out sped the original throw by at least twice its speed. Rattata unexpectedly was hit by the bone and flew back, the bone still on its stomach. Both the bone and the Rattata were in the air and flew straight into an impossible to pass odd pillar-shaped stone. The pillar was destroyed.
SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG!
The whole world of Pokemon had gone glitchy. Every living thing was frozen, the car salesman, the Cubone, the boy, the Rattata, even the grass, trees, and flowers. Everything else seemed to have turned into large blurry rectangles, exactly 0.000000000001 meters off in length of being a square. Colors and hues of all sorts flashed, enough to cause a seizure if one was epileptic.
Suddenly, everything went back to normal, but neither the car salesman nor his Cubone were on Route 1, they were at Pallet Town. To be specific, they were in front of Professor Oak’s laboratory.
“Wow, that saved a lot of pointless adventuring.” proclaims the car salesman
“Cubone, return.” he now says with a Pokeball in his hand
Cubone did exactly that and was sucked up into the Pokeball. The car salesman forwarded into Oak’s laboratory. He saw Oak sitting on a chair in front of a computer, his pants down.
“W. T. F. is going on!” yelled the car salesman in confusion
“AHH!” screamed Oak
Oak pulled up his pants and turned around with his office chair and you could see a glimpse of what seemed like the hot, handsome, gorgeous, but not as hot as (insert grader name) Cerulean City gym leader, on the monitor.
“Oh…nothing, just studying up on some Pokemon.” said Oak, trying to sound innocent
“Then why is there a risqué image of Ierdar on you screen!” questioned the car salesman
Oak pushed a button on his computer’s monitor and it turned blank.
“I have no idea what you are talking about, and don‘t people ever knock anymore?”
“Knock! Don’t you realize this story is a complete mockery of the Pokemon games! Okay, let‘s get off this subject. I need to ask you, do you have any idea how to get to Earth.”
“Get an Abra or one of its evolutions and teleport to Earth with it. Any other Pokemon with Teleport are incapable of Teleporting to Earth, they simply don‘t have the stats to do so.”
“Where the hell am I supposed to get an Abra?”
“Right there.” answered Oak while pointing out of a front window
“Keep that finger away from me!”
war-ni-ng: this story contains the words: "hell", "gay", "dude", "shite", "women" "in" "bras" "and" panties only, and can cause "seizures", if you "are" "offended" already i "reccomend" you continue
RATED XXX;;; APPROPRIATE FOR NO ONE
;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026; ;026;
and i probably broke a bunch your fairy tale rules about writing, too, but enjoy
SERIOUS CAR SALESMAN BUSINESS
"Hey, dude." says a man
"What?" says man two
"I want a car." says the man
"First you must battle me! I send Lanturn!" replies man two
“Lanturn, the water Pokemon, it can do some serious water attacks and it has a nice fashion sense.” says man two’s Pokedex
"Go Typhlosion" says the man
“Typhlosion, its Flame Wheel can melt ice! Typhlosion can also get Toxic, all non-Steel and non-Poison Pokemon are screwed.” says man two’s Pokedex
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWR!" roars Typhlosion
"Lanturn, use your Spark bounce combination." demands man two
“Typhlosion, Brick Break.” commands the man
Typhlosion obviously had some speed effort value problems so Lanturn went first. Lanturn's Spark glowed from its antennae emitting a rather bright glow, staring directly for too long would not be wise. The Spark attack launched out of Lanturn's antennae and sped towards Typhlosion. Typhlosion jumped over the Spark and it thought it was safe. Then suddenly a Light Screen appeared behind Typhlosion and the Spark bounced back towards Typhlosion. Typhlosion was screwed, it could not jump again, as it was just about to land from its earlier jump, and last time I checked, a 79.5 kilogram Pokemon cannot jump on air. To make it even worse, it was a critical hit, it hit Typhlosion right in the special area, you know which one I am talking about. However, there is more, Typhlosion was paralyzed.
"Youz gotz pwntz." says man two
"Oh my gods, return Typhlosion." says the man
The man points the front of his Pokeball towards Typhlosion and a white beam of light surrounded it, forming a white silhouette. The silhouette then was sucked into the Pokeball.
"Who…Who are you?" questions the man in fear
"I AM THE CAR SALESMAN!" says man two, who will now be known as the car salesman and I refuse to call him anything else, deal with it
The car salesman went back to the main dealership building in victory. His black hair whisping in the air and his slender body being slender.
"CAR SALESMAN!" yelled a big authoritative figure, his boss
"What!?"
"You didn’t sell anything today!”
"But I battled well." retorts the car salesman
"Shut up, I’m sending you on a hard assignment.” says his boss
"…"
"You have to go sell some cars in South America.” says his boss
"But that’s in a completely different world; we live in the Pokemon world.”
"That’s why it’s called a hard assignment!”
"Oh."
"I’ll teleport the car to Earth, then you go there and sell the car.”
"Okay, where is the teleporter?"
"Why are you asking?"
"Because I have to go to Earth."
"THIS IS A HARD ASSIGNMENT; FIND YOU OWN WAY TO EARTH! You have two weeks.”
The car salesman was super annoyed.
The car salesman wondered where he could find a teleporter that would take him to Earth. He thought it would be impossible, especially with the two-week limit. Maybe I should visit professor Oak, he should know a lot about that science stuff the car salesman thought to himself. The car salesman made his way through the streets of Viridian. It took him nearly 20 steps from the dealership, located west of the Viridian City Learning Center, to reach the border of Viridian City and the infamous Route 1.
Route 1 looked beautiful, with its fifty-eight identical trees, seventy-eight impossible to pass odd pillar-shaped stones, and who could forget, the fifty-six flowers of the same breed, conveniently found in patches of two, four, or eight. Wow, the level designers, I mean landscapers got creative here thought the car salesman. The car salesman walked a few steps, and before it was too late, a black-haired boy had somehow summoned an exclamation over his head. He walked toward the car salesman, the car salesman tried moving, but it was impossible, he was locked in his current position.
"You and me gots to battle." says Pokemon Trainer Ted
"Go Rattata!" yells Pokemon Trainer Ted
Pokedex: Rattata is a rat on every imaginable type of drug. Marijuana, cough syrup, cocaine, you name it. Rattatas like to spend the day digging in dumpsters searching for drugs. Otherwise, they are banging their wives. That is how they get their name. Rattata of course sounds like the sound of machine guns going off, and that is exactly what they use to bang their wives. Rattata also battle, they jump and stuff.
"Go Cubone!" yells the car salesman as well
Pokedex: Cubone, the emo Pokemon. Legend has it that Cubone reaches its full potential when listening to some hard-core emo music.
"Rattata, uses Iron Tail."
"You newb, Cubone use Bone Rush"
The Rattata's tail stiffened, it looked as hard as manganese, no, hard as iron! Rattata did a few front flips towards Cubone, Cubone raised its bone to defend as it was obviously going to attack high with the front flip, but right before Rattata's tail was about to connect, Rattata flipped backwards and hit Cubone low. Cubone fell and slid backwards with a shocked expression, dirt clouds flew around everywhere.
"Who's the newb now?" asks Pokemon Trainer Ted
"Erm...is it you?" the car salesman replies with confusion
The boy's face was similar to a hyphen followed by an underscore then followed by another hyphen at this moment.
Cubone stood back up and rushed towards Rattata, who was now back to its original spot of where it was sent out, in front of its trainer. Rattata stared at the Cubone, preparing its dodge. Cubone swung its bone from left to right, Rattata easily dodged by jumping over Cubone and landing behind it, but wait, and that is not all. Cubone lost its balance and spun around due from the massive swing of the bone, Rattata was hit! Cubone then pimp slapped Rattata more with its bone, right to left, left to right, right to left. Rattata could not dodge it as it was already struck once and too weak to move.
"This is some serious Tauros shite, Rattata use Focus Energy."
"No more Mr. Pleasing And Agreeable In Nature, Cubone, use Bonemerang, but don‘t be foolish, use your head."
Blue plasma-like material, which seemed to have appeared out of thin air, was sucked into Rattata. Sweat dripped all over Rattata, but Rattata was brimming with energy.
Cubone was not very impressed, it reared its bone holding hand and then threw it toward Rattata. Rattata’s focused energy helped it dodge it easily, the bone then came back toward Cubone, missing Rattata. Rattata landed, assured of being safe for the turn. Cubone did not grab its bone back though, it head butted the bone back towards Rattata, the bone out sped the original throw by at least twice its speed. Rattata unexpectedly was hit by the bone and flew back, the bone still on its stomach. Both the bone and the Rattata were in the air and flew straight into an impossible to pass odd pillar-shaped stone. The pillar was destroyed.
SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG SPLEEG!
The whole world of Pokemon had gone glitchy. Every living thing was frozen, the car salesman, the Cubone, the boy, the Rattata, even the grass, trees, and flowers. Everything else seemed to have turned into large blurry rectangles, exactly 0.000000000001 meters off in length of being a square. Colors and hues of all sorts flashed, enough to cause a seizure if one was epileptic.
Suddenly, everything went back to normal, but neither the car salesman nor his Cubone were on Route 1, they were at Pallet Town. To be specific, they were in front of Professor Oak’s laboratory.
“Wow, that saved a lot of pointless adventuring.” proclaims the car salesman
“Cubone, return.” he now says with a Pokeball in his hand
Cubone did exactly that and was sucked up into the Pokeball. The car salesman forwarded into Oak’s laboratory. He saw Oak sitting on a chair in front of a computer, his pants down.
“W. T. F. is going on!” yelled the car salesman in confusion
“AHH!” screamed Oak
Oak pulled up his pants and turned around with his office chair and you could see a glimpse of what seemed like the hot, handsome, gorgeous, but not as hot as (insert grader name) Cerulean City gym leader, on the monitor.
“Oh…nothing, just studying up on some Pokemon.” said Oak, trying to sound innocent
“Then why is there a risqué image of Ierdar on you screen!” questioned the car salesman
Oak pushed a button on his computer’s monitor and it turned blank.
“I have no idea what you are talking about, and don‘t people ever knock anymore?”
“Knock! Don’t you realize this story is a complete mockery of the Pokemon games! Okay, let‘s get off this subject. I need to ask you, do you have any idea how to get to Earth.”
“Get an Abra or one of its evolutions and teleport to Earth with it. Any other Pokemon with Teleport are incapable of Teleporting to Earth, they simply don‘t have the stats to do so.”
“Where the hell am I supposed to get an Abra?”
“Right there.” answered Oak while pointing out of a front window
“Keep that finger away from me!”
