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Sexual partners, relationships, and strings


Well-Known Member
So here's a non politics and religion topic. I know these usually don't go too well because the topics aren't nearly as controversial, but it's been on my mind lately:

Our society is fairly open about sex. It's not uncommon to see some television couple throw down and not make anything more of it, no change in the dynamic they had before they had sex.

But in actual life, is this possible?

I keep hearing from real-life experience (mostly friends, associates, and these horrid college newspapers) that college is just one big sex romp with academic crap in between, but it rarely seems to work that way. Even in the most "casual" of these relationships, I've seen these people do things that are normally reserved for couples. Holding hands, public displays of affection, do stuff alone that seem a lot like dates...it's like they're doing everything a couple does, just not calling themselves a couple.

So are these....non-couple couples just using it as a term so they don't have to commit, or are they just dumb? Or what?

And in the few instances where I've seen others commit an actual no strings arrangement, one of the two is usually hoping that it'll turn into an actual relationship, or one or both develop feelings.

Do people delude themselves often when trying to find a mate? Why would they agree to a form of relationship that they ultimately don't want, or want it to be much more?

Is there a certain level of relationships where no-strings-attached sex can work? Casual friends, really close friends, people you only know by association, one night stands, ex significant others?

And even outside of human relationships, is it biologically possible? I'm not a man of science (failed every test in my high school biology class), but I've read that the act of sex releases chemicals that cause the feeling of attachment, and that even simpler sensual actions like kissing can release pheromones. So are these people who claim to have had "no strings attached" sex just lying, or is their body processing sex just a bit differently than most everyone else?

Or maybe it's an age thing. Are sexual relations significantly different between someone in their early and mid 20s to late 20s and 30s, or even older, either on a biological level or mental level?

Fake edit: This is mainly concerning about "no strings attached" sex, a relationship between friends or loose associates (friend of friend, co-worker, etc...) where no romantic relationship is formed, and the only difference between them and other friends or associates is they sleep together.

Fake edit 2: While this is a thread about sex, I'd like it if this doesn't turn into a "hay guyz i gotz teH seXZ"...you know, don't let your personal experience completely dictate how you think.

VVV You can talk about topics that you haven't personally experienced. For example, I've posted in the Politics thread even though I've never ran for or held office, and posted about other religions that I am not a part of.
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Hyper Chibi Absol

The Dark Goddess
What about the people that haven't had sex before but severely want it? >>;


Rock/Thunder Trainer
The concept of a one night stand is that 'If I never see you again, I wont have feelings for you'. It doesnt always work, but it helps. Where as, a 'Friend with Benefits' might be someone you see on a regular basis, and someone who you know well (Which, theoretically, should make it easier to fall for them). Therefore, it's easier to 'move on' when you dont know the person and never will.

As for age playing a role in sexual relations, sure. As you grow older, (Late twenties, thirties) marriage becomes something dominate. It can end up as a motivator to get out more, be more aggressive, and even lead to agreeing to a 'sex partnership' in hopes that the other person will fall for them (As you mentioned). For younger couples, hormones can lead into the same situation of believing 'giving out' will make them fall for you. Different motivators, which would place them on different Mental Levels.

Biologically, though committing sexual acts does make it so that you are more attracted to that person, the more people you end up doing it with, the less that comes into effect. You may consider someone you've slept with (Or kissed) a better mate, but between the 10 people you've slept with (Or, again, kissed), they may all appear the same and you'll end up liking someone for their personality more.

[It's late, I've never dated much less slept with someone. I'm going to be proven wrong multiple times, and I'll accept that. Just my two cents.]

Penguinist Trainer

Well-Known Member
The main reason our society is so open about sexual behavior now is because it is so saturated in every form of media, whereas 50 years ago, TV couples slept in 2 separate beds.

Sex changes everything. Unless there is some real relationship involved, sex usually complicates things.

College was fun, but it wasn't that fun. The only people who can claim college was one big sex romp can only be effectively called *****s. I believe that people act like a couple to spare themselves from being regarded as a *****. I hate to speak ill of this person, but I liked a girl in college who was really cool to hang out with. She hated her boyfriend, but the only reason she stayed with him is because the sex was good.

The problem with no strings attached and friends with benefits, is because sex changes everything. My current girlfriend was in one of those arrangements. She dated a guy for a year, and after they broke up, they tried the friends with benefits thing. Well her ex kept trying to make it something more, even after she broke contact with him to be with me, he still tried to interfere.

I believe for sex to work, you really have to be emotionally invested into the person, because otherwise someone is bound to get hurt. I don't believe the "Let's just be friends" can ever work. I tried to be friends with a girl I broke up with (on good terms) and it came down to "if I'm good enough to be friends with, how come I'm not good enough to date". What started as a good breakup turned messy real quick.

Biologically, men just want sex. Spread the seed to further your lineage. Women on the other hand, want the bad boy, because romance is not biological. They want the tough guy to protect them, the pretty boy strutting his stuff like a peacock.

Romance is against our human nature, but we have religion to thank for that. Religion labeled us heathens if we lay with multiple mates of same or different sexes.

It is also an age thing. Different ages, sex means different things. When you're young, you're becoming a man when you have sex. As you get older, it becomes more about expressing your love or starting a family. When you're real old, sex and relationships become more about fondness and reliance. I say this because we all know at that age, our bodies are falling apart. Its our partner who we appreciate the most, because they've seen us in our best and most embarrassing times.

For those that haven't had sex yet, don't rush into it. I mean it, there really is no rush. When you have sex, do it for love, it really does make it not only that much more special, but that much more fun as well. Trust me on this.