Shining Silver (PG-13)

[celestial phantom]

Review!!

First off I'll start by saying that I just found this and like your fic so far. It's really interesting to see that you focus on the rival which is something I've always wondered about, like what they went through and the events that surrounded them. Your writing is also so well written that I only noticed minor puncuation errors like commas or a misplaced word but it didn't have enough significance that I'd nit-pick. So to review standout things:

Chapter 1

"Listen Prof., I have plans, you hear? I'm gonna be the very best, like no one ever was! The strong survive, and the weak perish, and I'm the strongest guy there is,

Looks at the boy as a combo ash wanting to be the best with the epicness of Gary mother f'ing Oak.

Chapter 2:

The Professer was still rubbing his eyes, and wearing what looked hilariously like pink pajamas with a singing Jigglypuff print.

Hm... I think that maybe his mother bought those for him otherwise, I'm creeped out .

"No, you listen. I can tell that you don't like being helped, I can tell that for some reason you think that it's some sort of a sign of weakness, but that isn't what this is. I'm an old woman and my grandaughter is far away and doesn't need me any more. You can go off and do whatever you like, but it's my perogative to dote on the occasional child who shows up on my doorstep." She smiled pleasantly, "So shut up and thank me and be on your way."

You can't say no to old ladies, trust me I have tried repeatedly with no success.

"Our Grandaughter is a trainer as well. She's doing well if her letters are any indication, and she sends us Pokemon every so often to help us out on the farm.
Yeah, our little girl has a fondness for dark types,

Okay, even with this great hint it still took me five minutes before I realized who their granddaughter is.

"Zane."

The rival always get the bad*** name but still only second to Gary Oak.

Chapter 3:

“Like you can talk. You haven’t even given you Pokemon a name yet.

So will totodile get an awesome nickname to go with the epicness that is Zane?

“Ah ****,” Zane whispered under his breath. Just his luck he would get a Pokemon that was affectionate.

My exact thought on the subject

a slightly brighter shade of red then the burgundy fur that covered the creature’s back and head.

Have to admit I didn't realize it was a shiny right from the start.

Chapter 4:

"Wow! I can't believe that you smoked my entire team with just one Pokemon! You're increadible!"

Of course he is Zane equivalent to the likes of Chuck Norris, Mr. T, and Gary Oak in terms of being a total bad*** while you are a lowly bug catcher.

The league only lasted for one year, and if Ethan was too distracted to be able to finish it in time, then he would have to wait another entire year before his dreams could be fulfilled. Lyra's friend was going to be the champion, and she wouldn't let anything get in the way of that.

So I'm wondering, will the league be tournament style we see in the anime/manga and not be straight to the E4 then?

Other things I enjoyed was the flashback which showed that Zane was nice in his younger days and that Totodile is learning at a fast pace on how to own other pokemon with water gun.

I look forward to reading more and love the change in perspective of the characters like the manga showed at times. Keep up the good work.