Short little preview for something new...

[Quackerdrill]

Yeah, I know it's short and I should have been working on Pressure instead, but a while ago I got an idea I just had to start working on. In kind of a reverse from the typical cliche of "kid gets stuck in the Pokemon world", I was wondering: What would happen if someone in the Pokemon game gradually figured out they were inside a game? Here's a super-brief intro to the main character Lily's conflict between what she has done all her life and a new feeling that it might not be all that she thinks it is. I do promise to post another preview segment in this thread at a later date with her actually getting some clues about her true existence inside a video game, but that ain't done yet! XD

***

All my life she had a goal. It was one of those things that were practically required where she grew up— everyone had the same task to complete and none of them really thought about why. It had become a ritual; catching, battling, collecting badges, and the like. There were the occasional contest, too, and the inevitable secret organization to topple, but even those lost their sparkle after a while and seemed trivial.

She sat down on the quiet lakeside watching the Barboach make tiny ripples in the bluish-green water. A fishing pole in hand, she was prepared to show one of them the topside of a frying pan, but after two hours there was no such luck. By now she had assumed that they were all under there talking amongst themselves and organizing a resistance against her and her bait. Boycott aside, it was a very calming moment compared to the heck that was her week so far.

There is only so far a person can stray from home until they go insane, and she had hit her breaking point. Now instead of wanting that next battle or learning that new attack her mind yearned for something more meaningful. She wanted to go out and meet people. She wanted to see the beautiful scenery that was her home in Johto, nestled in the high mountains where one can touch the clouds. She missed simplicity. She missed just being. She could not help but feel like there was something odd in the world she lived in, something keeping her from living her true life.

Not that those wonderful little creatures called Pokemon were part of the problem. Those creatures had served as her best friends and saviors for the last six years, and she was not about to just start ignoring them due to some misguided sense of worthlessness. Her Raichu had been by my side since she could not remember when, and she had only felt pure love for it since its capture. That warm, light brown fur and that whip-like tail brought back memories of wonderful times. But now only the creature really seemed wonderful, and she had begun to doubt that the experiences they shared were worth it in the long run.

That lake was only getting colder as she sat there. Those Barboach were determined to never leave their posts. And there she was holding the line with a grip looser than the one on her reality. The very thought of fishing for yet another Pokemon now sounded useless, and as she watched the pole slip from her hand into the water with a minute splash, she could not help but smile. The tip of the pole was now submerged and the shadowy blur sunk slowly down into a nothingness of blues and greens.

So did her understanding of the life she lived.

***

Yeah, short. But I will be back with something longer, alright? I suppose this is... a preview of the preview, per se. ^_^;; (Don't kill me!)
EDIT: Oh yeah- comments are appreciated. Yeah. No rush, though. XD

 

[Quackerdrill]

...really hope this doesn't count as double posting...

Anyways, I'm back with more preview bits. This introduces another character and shows Lily's first encounter with one of the many inconsistencies of her game world. Enjoy. And maybe, if you're feeling up to it... comment? If that's possible? Some kind of reply? That would help me in the process of writing, I believe. Thank you.

***

The trail home was wide and dusty, lined with dirt about as old as the town itself. Lily walked down it drearily with her hands in her pockets. Her mind was far away from the lake where she had left her fishing pole as well as her previous state of confidence.

The sky above her had turned a dark orange since she had last seen it in the reflection of the water. The sun was making its last imprint on the current day. Lily’s dark brown hair was lit with the same shade of orange and was a stark contrast to her shady face.

It wasn’t that the day hadn’t been beautiful; the sunset attested to that. It was that she was sick of her mind developing new ways to make herself upset. She had always been a girl that knew the world around her and drew her confidence and strength from this knowledge. She was a proud person due to this and sixteen years of practice had grown a hard shell around her otherwise weak body. But her mind was ready to crack right through it.

She stopped in the middle of the trail to take in the sunset, as she thought that maybe a clear mind was gained through relaxation once in a while. But what was a sunset a few minutes ago had simply become a horizon of reds with a sun missing.

So much for a clear mind.

The sound of footsteps then rung through her head as someone slowly approached her from behind. A faint cloud of dust from the trail swept up around her as well.

“You’re crazy to be out here all alone without a Pokemon, Lily,” the figure said.

She turned around to see a young teenage boy in a baseball cap, looking at her with a crooked smile as if he was keeping himself from laughing. Her expression softened; of all the people she could have possibly seen at the moment, he was the most welcome. They approached each other and engaged in a warm hug, the boy’s cap rising over Lily’s shoulder. As they released each other she finally let out a smile, the first for the entire day.

“I have no need for a Pokemon right now, with my mental state,” she said.

“Are you still in that phase where you think there’s no reason for anything anymore? There was a time when that was cute, but that was a while ago.” The boy now put his hands in his pockets and looked at the sky.

“I really don’t think it’s a phase anymore… I’m seriously beginning to doubt about pretty much everything and it isn’t going away. Battles? Needless distractions. Badges? Conspiracy to get all of us trainers out of our houses. I used to get mad at people when they acted like idiotic cynics but now I’m one of them.”

“All the years I’ve known you to be so proud of what you do, and here you are denying the reasons why… I came out here because I’m worried, Lily. I was worried that you were just going to keep going out every night to God knows where and ignoring your Pokemon, me- heck, everybody!”

Lily looked down at the ground. She knew he was right.

“Have you seen your mother?” the boy continued. “Poor Miss Reed is taking it harder than I am back at your house. I mean, she’s already torn up about-”

“Is it my fault I can’t control my feelings?” she interrupted with a much harsher tone. “You’re blaming me for something that is completely out of my control. Look—look at this scrape down here.”

Lily gestured towards a scab on her leg, underneath a hole ripped in her black jeans.

“Where did you get that nasty thing from?” the boy asked looking at it carefully.

“I got it when I fell down… while I was trying to do something.” She once again trailed off.

“What could you have been doing that caused such an awful scrape? Or do I want to know?”

“It was the strangest thing, too. Have you ever tried to hop up a small ledge? Like a really short step?”

“I guess I haven’t. Doesn’t seem too difficult though,” he said confusedly.

“For some reason, I physically wasn’t able to hop up. There was some sort of force stopping me from getting up there and it makes no sense! That’s why I’m so confused right now, there was no reason why I- I just couldn’t…”

Lily stood extremely still and her eyes welled up with tears. The boy watched as circles of water formed on the red dirt below her. At first he could not understand how she could have gone so quickly from happy to see him to depressed again, but there was now a bigger problem on his hands. She was right; it was something she could not control and could not be explained. He now had to figure out whether she was right or just in need of some attention. Either one, he had to be there for her.

Lily looked up, a tear slowly approaching the corner of her mouth. “Can you… walk me home?” Her voice was quiet, but clear.

He nodded and moved towards her cowering body. He wrapped his arm around her and kissed her cold cheek.

“I know you’re real, Tom… you’re real…”

***

There. Cheesy, yeah, a little bit. It will be better, I promise. Give your two cents if you'd like. Thankz. ^_^;

 

[katiekitten]

Why didn't this get any comments?

Anyways, this is a really good idea, a nice twist to the overused idea. I love how you have written it so far, how you have played out Lily. Her emotions seem very real, and it made me smile when you mentioned that they couldn't jump up small ledges. XD

I will most certainly be here to see more of it. ^.^

Keep up the good work!

 

[Lily]

Your story has Lily in it..how could I not comment on this?~ ;_;

It's a very cute story with a simple touch. I like you you presented the idea of collecting badges as drab and generic, and Lily's portrayal of her desperate yearning for something more...yeah, it's a common theme I don't see much.

'sa very straightforward story. I like, good job.

 

[Faerie]

Ey Quackerdrill! Nice to see you again. I only read the first preview but it was very good.

I think this is a really interesting story idea. It seems really well-written, and it's a nice break from those other comedy breaking-the-fourth-wall stories. I can't count the amount of stories I've seen where the authors attempt to make the characters briefly realize that they're in a story, make them joke about it then forget. This story seems very deep and promising. And as always, I love your description. So pretty. :3

Expect me to read this, and if I forget to, you can bop me on the head and remind me via PM. xD

 

[Quackerdrill]

Thanks, yall! I didn't expect such speedy reactions... Anyhoo, thank ya for dropping by.

K.K.- I'm glad you like the idea! Yeah, the main focus will be on Lily's character and how she is affected by this new realization... I love character development so very much. XD I chose those pesky small ledges because that was one thing that isn't possible in the games that would be supremely easy in real life, so it worked. ^_^ Glad you enjoyed it!

Kairi (!)- Whoa, I seriously did not make that connection when I named the character... heh! It must have been some subconcious thing, I suppose. XDD Yeah, I tried to use her cynicism of the world around her as a basis for the real discoveries she'll make. So basically, what already seems strange about her world will just get stranger. Er, something like that. Thanks for reading, and glad you liked it! Yay!

Faerie- Nice to see you, up and doing stuff around here again! Yeah, I had noticed that a lot of comedies around here have overused the breaking the fourth wall bit to the point of no return, so I thought that maybe that could have a serious twist. This was originally going to be a comedy- I'm really glad I decided against that now! XD And I will remind you when there's more. Thanks a ton!

*hands out some muffinbrownies... I lost the cookie dough... ^^*

 

[Flaming Lip]

Ooo.... This souns like a very tasty story. ^_^ I must say, your writing style is engaging. I really can't wait to see more. I've written (too) many poems about this kinda theme, but something tells me a very rewarding story will come out of it.

Ugh... I really need to start writing again. ><;;;

 

[billy5772]

It's an intriguing premise. I wrote a poem about a similar type of situation and I think it'll be interesting to see how you handle the theme in a full-blown, feature-length fic. It will be interesting to see. It will be interesting to see. Yes, yes, that's what i mean to say...

 

[indigestible_wad]

Well, well, well. A matix-esque story about pokemon. This should be interesting how she finds out she's in a game. And the short preview was great. It would have ruined it if it was any longer.

 

[Quackerdrill]

Whoa! Coolness, guys. Thanks for coming!

B'zant- Man, if you've written poems about this theme, I really need to read them! XD I'm sure they're just as awesome as all your other works... Thanks for reading, and I'm glad that you think the idea could float. And yes- get writing, man! I'm still waiting for you to finish a chaptered fic!

Billy-Man- ...Has everyone written a poem about this theme?? Oh well. Jeez, haven't talked to you in a a while, mister. Guess ya can't exactly call yourself a 'senior' anymore, right? XD I'm glad you think it's interesting... but I'm not sure what else you mean by this... heh...?

indigestible_wad- For the love of tacos, I haven't seen a review from you since my very first fic over, like, 17, 19 months ago! Whoa! Yeah, I suppose you could say there is a Matrix-esque direction this could go. And really? Not too short? Okayy, I'll take your word for it... XD

Thanks to yall for commenting, I'm glad there was something for everybody. I dunno when this'll launch, but it won't be too much longer. Happy 4th to all you Americans and cookies on top of muffins on top of brownies to each of ya!

 

[IceKing]

There were the occasional contest, too, and the inevitable secret organization to topple, but even those lost their sparkle after a while and seemed trivial.

Very funny line

A fishing pole in hand, she was prepared to show one of them the topside of a frying pan, but after two hours there was no such luck.

Also hilarious, geeze, I thought you said were bad at humor?

She wanted to go out and meet people. She wanted to see the beautiful scenery that was her home in Johto, nestled in the high mountains where one can touch the clouds. She missed simplicity. She missed just being. She could not help but feel like there was something odd in the world she lived in, something keeping her from living her true life.

Usually I don't like it when people have sentences starting with the same pronouns, but you did it very effectively here

Her Raichu had been by my side since she could not remember when, and she had only felt pure love for it since its capture.

Your doing third person, say her instead of my

“It was the strangest thing, too. Have you ever tried to hop up a small ledge? Like a really short step?”

“I guess I haven’t. Doesn’t seem too difficult though,” he said confusedly.

“For some reason, I physically wasn’t able to hop up. There was some sort of force stopping me from getting up there and it makes no sense! That’s why I’m so confused right now, there was no reason why I- I just couldn’t…”

That was also extremely hilarious XD I always wondered...its like two inches tall, why can't they just jump?




I really liked this story, I still can't believe how you said you sucked at humor, I can tell you will do an excellent job with this story! And I'll definetely review it, this is a very interesting concept though it probably has been done before. Though this time its being done by someone with pretty good writing skills! I also eagerly await seeing you make fun of all the incredible idiocity within the games such as being able to dump a pokemon in your computer for years and never withdraw it again or to walk into anyones house and talk to the people inside. Writing is quite good, I have to actually read it which is a bit of a nuisance for me but I guess it is a positive for you XD I usually just look at other fics and process the words within my brain. I wish you would head a different direction than her angst-coldness new feelings, but that's your perogative as a writer! I'm sure this fic will be good in the end, can't really think of anything to critisize. If you have any questions, IM me