AmericanPi
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Hi! It's Pi, and welcome to the Weekly Review! Here's how it usually works: Every week I pick a one-shot or a chaptered fic (a single chapter or multiple chapters) to review. I try to alternate between the Fan Fiction and Shipping Fics forums. My reviews are Review Game-style, which means that for Shipping Fics I pick three out of the nine Review Game criteria and comment on them as much as I want to (but at least one paragraph). Every time I try to pick three different criteria, but usually I just comment on whatever in the story catches my eye.
This week, I'm doing something drastically different, which means that instead of offering my traditional Review Game-style review on a one-shot or chaptered fic, I'm taking on the challenge of reviewing every drabble that was posted in the Drabble Thread in the year of 2015. Well, that's not entirely true: While I do want to review every single drabble, I will do so in four Weekly Reviews in the months of January and February 2016. I have already reviewed the first twenty-two drabbles of 2015. For this week's Weekly Review, I will review drabbles 22-33 out of the forty-four drabbles that were posted (not by me, of course) in the Drabble Thread in 2015. For the Weekly Review of next week, I will review the final eleven drabbles of 2015.
So, without further ado, presenting this week's rather unique Weekly Review! I'm going to write one-paragraph-long reviews of each drabble. The reviews are under spoiler tags, with one spoiler per review. Each spoiler is labelled with the name of the drabble and its author, and contains the review of the drabble in the spoiler tag label.
[spoiler="Wrong Question" by Avietta_Ikarilove]The punchline at the end of this drabble really made me smile, but the drabble was pretty well-written in and of itself. I loved all the relationships - Haruka and Shuu, Haruka and Hikari, Haruka and Masato - and they were all very believable. I would change the last sentence though - currently it sounds awkward, and the sentence would be a lot funnier if it were simplified into "She did a spit take". In addition, in my opinion some more description of setting would spice up the drabble a little.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Useless" by BubChan]I liked the plot and premise of this drabble, because it allowed for some interesting interactions between Ash and Hilda. I liked Hilda's thoughts as well, because they were very believable considering her situation. However, your grammar can really use some work - remember that there needs to be a period at the end of every sentence that isn't a question or an exclamation. Also, don't overdo the commas, and watch out for run-on sentences.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Her Name" by Avietta_Ikarilove]This drabble made me confused - was Paul trying to kill himself because Dawn died? My understanding is that he was trying to stab himself in the chest, but the thing is, a simple razor won't do much damage - a razor is used for shaving, and only a large knife would do enough damage to kill a person. Even if Paul was using a knife, simply bringing it to his chest won't kill him - he has to stab himself. Other than the razor confusion, I enjoyed this drabble's angsty, dramatic effect you were going for.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="The Mess We've Made" by Moonlight Amaryllis]I had to read this drabble three times to understand that Hugh and Nate were trying to bake cookies, but even after reading it two more times I don't understand the drabble completely. What exactly was Nate doing, and why did Hugh ask Nate to wash his hands (is there an implication that I'm missing…)? I still really enjoyed it though - this one was pretty short, but it was cute and sweet. I liked Hugh and Nate's loving, teasing relationship, and the shortness of this drabble really made it sweeter.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Flower in the Night" by AquaRegisteel]I found it a little weird and creepy that Drew was sneaking into May's room in the middle of the night to give her a rose and a card. His caring was obviously genuine and it was nice that he cared about her, but couldn't he just wait until the next day to give his gifts to her? Aside from the odd plot, I really enjoyed your writing style, description, and characterization. I also liked the way the narration conveyed Drew's thoughts, feelings, and emotions.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Casteliacone Cravings" by xEryChan]The drabble as a whole was short, but sweet, cute, and funny. I thought it was pretty amusing how Ash just dragged Dawn to the Casteliacone place without saying anything - he was definitely in character. I would suggest adding more description, especially at the end, which currently feels unresolved (maybe just add a short closing sentence, like "Dawn burst into laughter"). In addition, I know this is a weakness of yours, but pay attention to tenses and remember to use "had" for things that happened before the main action.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="A Tasty Treat" by matthew11]The plot and premise of this drabble were pretty adorable, but your grammar and execution can really use some work. Firstly, always remember to write out numbers with letters - which, for example, means writing "four" instead of "4" and "two thousand" instead of "2000". Secondly, keep tenses in mind - this can be difficult, but just remember to use consistent tenses for writing about events that happen in the same time frame. Finally, instead of writing *does an action*, I would suggest that you write a complete sentence detailing how Ash does that action, because that would keep the story flowing smoothly.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Goodbye" by matthew11]Firstly, I absolutely loved the plot and premise of this drabble, because it was really emotional and heart-wrenching. I liked your characterization and relationships as well, but like I said in the previous review your writing execution could use some work (even though this drabble flowed far more smoothly than the previous one). In addition to keeping tenses in mind, remember to only use an end-quote (") when your character has finished speaking. Finally, I didn't understand how one of Leaf's tears could fly past Red, because it is physically impossible for a tear to do that.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="A Wasted Chance" by matthew11]This drabble was pretty "AWW" worthy, and I loved the friendship among everyone - Dawn, Ash, Brock, Pikachu, and Piplup. It was very sweet and believable, and I was warmed by the way everyone would miss each other but remain friends. I liked the bittersweetness of the drabble as well - Dawn not being able to confess her feelings was heartbreaking, but there was a hope spot of her being able to see Ash again. Once again, though, work on your tenses - remember to always use the same tense for things that are happening in the same time frame.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Irresolution" by Trublsmbob]For a first drabble, this definitely wasn't bad! It was rather short, but conveyed Yellow's thoughts and feelings well. I thought the end was rather funny too, and made me wonder how things would go between Yellow and Red. Remember, though, to add paragraphing - that can make the story easier to read, as well as add interesting effects to the drabble.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Othelloshipping Sand Sculptures" by Satoshi & Touko]Aww, that was pretty fun and cute. Once again, great job on writing the competitive but loving and believable relationship between Ash and Hilda. I liked the repetition you used - it adds to the humor when you realize how like-minded Ash and Hilda are. I would suggest adding a tad more description or horizontal lines indicating time skips, but otherwise, great drabble![/spoiler]
Stay tuned for the fourth and final part of my reviews of the Drabbles of 2015, which is coming in about a week.
Pi
This week, I'm doing something drastically different, which means that instead of offering my traditional Review Game-style review on a one-shot or chaptered fic, I'm taking on the challenge of reviewing every drabble that was posted in the Drabble Thread in the year of 2015. Well, that's not entirely true: While I do want to review every single drabble, I will do so in four Weekly Reviews in the months of January and February 2016. I have already reviewed the first twenty-two drabbles of 2015. For this week's Weekly Review, I will review drabbles 22-33 out of the forty-four drabbles that were posted (not by me, of course) in the Drabble Thread in 2015. For the Weekly Review of next week, I will review the final eleven drabbles of 2015.
So, without further ado, presenting this week's rather unique Weekly Review! I'm going to write one-paragraph-long reviews of each drabble. The reviews are under spoiler tags, with one spoiler per review. Each spoiler is labelled with the name of the drabble and its author, and contains the review of the drabble in the spoiler tag label.
[spoiler="Wrong Question" by Avietta_Ikarilove]The punchline at the end of this drabble really made me smile, but the drabble was pretty well-written in and of itself. I loved all the relationships - Haruka and Shuu, Haruka and Hikari, Haruka and Masato - and they were all very believable. I would change the last sentence though - currently it sounds awkward, and the sentence would be a lot funnier if it were simplified into "She did a spit take". In addition, in my opinion some more description of setting would spice up the drabble a little.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Useless" by BubChan]I liked the plot and premise of this drabble, because it allowed for some interesting interactions between Ash and Hilda. I liked Hilda's thoughts as well, because they were very believable considering her situation. However, your grammar can really use some work - remember that there needs to be a period at the end of every sentence that isn't a question or an exclamation. Also, don't overdo the commas, and watch out for run-on sentences.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Her Name" by Avietta_Ikarilove]This drabble made me confused - was Paul trying to kill himself because Dawn died? My understanding is that he was trying to stab himself in the chest, but the thing is, a simple razor won't do much damage - a razor is used for shaving, and only a large knife would do enough damage to kill a person. Even if Paul was using a knife, simply bringing it to his chest won't kill him - he has to stab himself. Other than the razor confusion, I enjoyed this drabble's angsty, dramatic effect you were going for.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="The Mess We've Made" by Moonlight Amaryllis]I had to read this drabble three times to understand that Hugh and Nate were trying to bake cookies, but even after reading it two more times I don't understand the drabble completely. What exactly was Nate doing, and why did Hugh ask Nate to wash his hands (is there an implication that I'm missing…)? I still really enjoyed it though - this one was pretty short, but it was cute and sweet. I liked Hugh and Nate's loving, teasing relationship, and the shortness of this drabble really made it sweeter.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Flower in the Night" by AquaRegisteel]I found it a little weird and creepy that Drew was sneaking into May's room in the middle of the night to give her a rose and a card. His caring was obviously genuine and it was nice that he cared about her, but couldn't he just wait until the next day to give his gifts to her? Aside from the odd plot, I really enjoyed your writing style, description, and characterization. I also liked the way the narration conveyed Drew's thoughts, feelings, and emotions.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Casteliacone Cravings" by xEryChan]The drabble as a whole was short, but sweet, cute, and funny. I thought it was pretty amusing how Ash just dragged Dawn to the Casteliacone place without saying anything - he was definitely in character. I would suggest adding more description, especially at the end, which currently feels unresolved (maybe just add a short closing sentence, like "Dawn burst into laughter"). In addition, I know this is a weakness of yours, but pay attention to tenses and remember to use "had" for things that happened before the main action.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="A Tasty Treat" by matthew11]The plot and premise of this drabble were pretty adorable, but your grammar and execution can really use some work. Firstly, always remember to write out numbers with letters - which, for example, means writing "four" instead of "4" and "two thousand" instead of "2000". Secondly, keep tenses in mind - this can be difficult, but just remember to use consistent tenses for writing about events that happen in the same time frame. Finally, instead of writing *does an action*, I would suggest that you write a complete sentence detailing how Ash does that action, because that would keep the story flowing smoothly.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Goodbye" by matthew11]Firstly, I absolutely loved the plot and premise of this drabble, because it was really emotional and heart-wrenching. I liked your characterization and relationships as well, but like I said in the previous review your writing execution could use some work (even though this drabble flowed far more smoothly than the previous one). In addition to keeping tenses in mind, remember to only use an end-quote (") when your character has finished speaking. Finally, I didn't understand how one of Leaf's tears could fly past Red, because it is physically impossible for a tear to do that.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="A Wasted Chance" by matthew11]This drabble was pretty "AWW" worthy, and I loved the friendship among everyone - Dawn, Ash, Brock, Pikachu, and Piplup. It was very sweet and believable, and I was warmed by the way everyone would miss each other but remain friends. I liked the bittersweetness of the drabble as well - Dawn not being able to confess her feelings was heartbreaking, but there was a hope spot of her being able to see Ash again. Once again, though, work on your tenses - remember to always use the same tense for things that are happening in the same time frame.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Irresolution" by Trublsmbob]For a first drabble, this definitely wasn't bad! It was rather short, but conveyed Yellow's thoughts and feelings well. I thought the end was rather funny too, and made me wonder how things would go between Yellow and Red. Remember, though, to add paragraphing - that can make the story easier to read, as well as add interesting effects to the drabble.[/spoiler]
[spoiler="Othelloshipping Sand Sculptures" by Satoshi & Touko]Aww, that was pretty fun and cute. Once again, great job on writing the competitive but loving and believable relationship between Ash and Hilda. I liked the repetition you used - it adds to the humor when you realize how like-minded Ash and Hilda are. I would suggest adding a tad more description or horizontal lines indicating time skips, but otherwise, great drabble![/spoiler]
Stay tuned for the fourth and final part of my reviews of the Drabbles of 2015, which is coming in about a week.
Pi
