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Smart Kids [One-shot] PG

Discussion in 'Completed Fics' started by [Imaginative]:[Clockwork], Feb 7, 2011.

  1. [Imaginative]:[Clockwork]

    [Imaginative]:[Clockwork] X-treme trainer

    Possibly frightening to some.

    This was intended to be part of a series of one-shots but that didn't pan out the way I wanted (they didn't connect thematically like I wanted :/ ), so I'm thinking I'll just write the story ideas anyway and post them separately. In case you're wondering, this was number four out of five total and was originally entitled "Pink."

    Smart Kids

    “It’s a zoo, but just for trainers.” That was the popular playground quote regarding the shut-down Safari Zone. But a statement like that only raised questions.

    “Why was it closed?”

    “Too many people were ate by the Pokemon,” would inevitably be the answer. But that didn’t sound right. They wouldn’t really open up a place dangerous enough to kill people, would they? And if they did, why would it take more than one death to finally shut it down?

    “What did the trainers do in there?”

    “They looked at the Pokémon, duh. Oh, and they got ate by ‘em.” Zoos had cages. How could the Pokémon eat all of these people if it was really a zoo? Even if they broke through the bars, shouldn’t there be some kind of security there?

    “Okay, well why didn’t the trainers just use their own Pokémon to fight the wild ones?”

    “Are you stupid? Those are the strongest Pokémon in the world. They beat everything.” That was just silly. How could the people who made the zoo get the Pokémon in there if they were “the strongest”? And why did the Pokémon stay there?

    There was a kid, Billy, twelve years old, and his friend, Molly, about the same age, who asked these kinds of questions. They both questioned things, especially if they seemed fishy, which was probably the reason they were both in the top of in their class. I guess that’s why they became friends. When everyone else their age just wanted to play and pretend, they both liked to point out the flaws in the other kids’ logic.

    “You both have Mews?” Billy would ask.

    “That’s dumb.” That would be Molly. She could always follow Billy’s train of thought. “There’s only one Mew. And that one might not even exist!”

    Heh. They weren’t the most popular kids on the playground, needless to say. But they had each other, so I don’t think they minded too much.

    Anyway, that kind of straight thinking is what made them go to the Safari Zone to find out for themselves if all of those rumors were true. Their parents didn’t know they went, obviously. Who would let their children go running around a wild animal preserve?

    But there they were, staring at the faded jungle-themed paint that had been there since the mid-nineties. It didn’t look all that scary. If anything, the cartoonish Pokémon smiling wide-eyed and staring forward made it look almost like an amusement park.

    Molly tried opening the door and found it to be locked, probably announcing it the way she liked to do, so the two decided that they’d have to break a window.

    Okay, yeah, that part of the story’s pretty much vandalism, but I really think the city should have reinforced the glass somehow… actually, the last time I saw that place, I think there were bars over the windows. A little too late, huh?

    So at this point, the glass was broken and all over the grass but they were careful to avoid it. Billy lifted Molly through the opening and she pulled him up. She may have been a girl but she could get just as rough as the boys. No way Rachel or Courtney could’ve pulled someone up like that.

    The room was empty. Like, not just being left home alone empty, but really empty. The kind of empty that made you sad. It was dark and dusty and I’m pretty sure there were two long counters on either side and shelves on the walls. They checked out that place for a little bit but neither of them was very interested in it. In fact, looking around at all of the bleakness sort of made them want to go home. They didn’t admit it, though.

    Instead, they walked through the next door. It hadn’t been locked. Another safety precaution that seriously should’ve been taken. But they didn’t think about that, instead just being happy to have some fresh air to breathe. They were lucky it was such a warm night. Or unlucky. A cold night might have kept them inside. But that doesn’t really matter now.

    Alright, let me set the scene they saw for you. The tall grass you see around the country and stuff was everywhere. There were a few trails here and there but it was mostly just overgrown. There were tall fences all over the place, bordering this particular field except for one part that you could walk through to their right, but they didn’t notice that until later. The first thing they saw was a house. A green house. It looked pretty old. It was a long time ago, but I’m pretty sure that Molly was the one who wanted to go inside. So they both ran up to it and pushed open the door. It was stuck pretty tight so they both had to shove it at the same time.

    Inside was even worse than the front gate. Vines were tangled around everything and there were broken tables and chairs littering the dirty wooden floor. Billy got chills looking around, I know that for sure. I think he wondered if that was where the trainers had been when they had gotten eaten. He pictured innocent people sitting around the tables, talking about their Pokémon, and then getting attacked by a vicious, wild animal. Of course, he soon reminded himself that nobody had been eaten.

    One of them – probably Billy – suggested leaving the hut and the other gladly accepted. There was an aura about that place. It just didn’t feel right.

    “That place is just old, is all.” Molly said something like that. Something really logical, you know? Billy couldn’t even tell if she was scared. He had always admired her ability to hide her fear. He was also jealous, but he never admitted it.

    I’m sure that neither of them particularly wanted to continue on but they would rather push forward than risk embarrassment. They were really hard on each other and it had become a friendly battle that bled into each following day. Molly would say something especially intelligent for her age and then Billy would have to find a way to top it. They had tried to beat each other since the day they met and it continued until the day they parted. Night, actually.

    After walking a few minutes and going through that right gate I told you about earlier, they both heard this horrific, sickening cry from their right. It was something like a throaty, wet hiss mixed with a growl and it was scarier than anything the two had encountered before. I can imagine the next part pretty clearly in my mind so I’ll do my best to describe it.

    Two giant pincers – taller than Billy or Molly – stuck out of the grass. They had thorny bump things all over them and it was easy to imagine someone getting squeezed to death, pretty painfully, between them. Then, the really ugly Pokémon that the horns belonged to charged out. It was dark green, I think, and had these beady little eyes and stubby arms with claws on the end.

    Molly screamed “Run!” and they took off. They didn’t know where they were going but thinking about it now, they were definitely running farther into the Safari Zone, which was a really stupid thing to do. That whatever-it-was followed them for what seemed like miles and they heard that same hissing right behind them the entire time.

    It’s hard to remember, but I think Billy was the one who finally saw the house. It was another one of those huts but this one was way more run-down. But still, they made it inside and slammed the door behind them, twisting the lock as fast as they could. They had both started crying by this point buth neither of them even cared enough to hide it.

    They both ran to the center of the room – which didn’t have an actual floor, by the way. It was just dirt– and watched the entrance. There was scraping, more hissing, and banging. Boom! Boom… I can still hear it…

    Uh, Billy was… I know that he was thinking about the eaten trainers. If he had been right, if these little buildings were the places where those people had been attacked, then they didn’t have long. That Pokémon could break through that door eventually. And it did.

    Its two horn things busted through the wood, sticking through and writhing violently as the thing forced its way in. Luckily, Billy had been ready and he and Molly had escaped through the back window and taken off through the field.

    Is it alright if I don’t describe the next few hours? It was a long night and a bunch of stuff happened. Besides, I know what you’re waiting to hear.

    Basically, they had seen a whole lot of Pokémon. Some were actually kind of friendly but others were definitely not. There were more chases that usually ended with a run-in with another Pokémon that wanted to fight whatever happened to be chasing the kids at the time. They had managed to survive, though, and had camped out on top of a miniature cliff-thing. It was like ten or fifteen feet off of the ground and the only way to get up there was to climb the rock wall. They thought that getting out during the daylight would be a lot easier than at night.

    But then they saw them. They were big things, fat and brown, and they stood upright. It looked like they all had babies in pouches. These Pokemon had started to slowly move across the field in front of us. Molly got really, really interested in them, especially when they started doing this weird… lullaby thing. Billy… he tried to pull her back, but she leaned on the edge of the cliff and just stared at them. I knew… Billy could tell that it was happening but it happened too fast for him to stop it. He would’ve if he could have… but the rock underneath her broke and she fell and landed on the ground.

    “I’m okay!” That’s what she yelled. She yelled it way too loudly. If she just wouldn’t have yelled… but… uh… that got the attention of all of those Pokémon. The ones singing. And then they… they just charged at her.

    She realized what she had done. I guess she even realized it in time, because she started climbing up as fast as she could. Billy reached out his hand and they grabbed each other. All of those animals were right under them now, jumping and screaming. Screaming like they were being tortured.

    Molly had footing on the wall, but she slipped. Billy didn’t know it had happened at first. He just felt all of her weight become suddenly dependent on his arm. It almost pulled him down.

    He knew he wouldn’t be able to lift her up. He couldn’t even hold on much longer. There were so many other things going on but all that I could th- All that Billy could think about was how, if the situation was reversed, Molly would have pulled him up in a second. But Billy couldn’t. He couldn’t even hold on.

    He couldn’t even hold on.
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2011
  2. Kutie Pie

    Kutie Pie "It is my destiny."


    ...I don't know what to say... really, I don't. Though I AM confused as to who was narrating. (Probably because I didn't read the other one-shots.) I wouldn't say it was frightening, but there was something uneasy about this. I mean... yeah, the Safari Zone is pretty wild... but that was just...

    ...stupid kids...

    I imaged Molly to be Molly Hale. *shrugs* Don't think you were doing for that, though, so it made it the more uneasy. ...actually, I think I'm a little disturbed now... maybe.
  3. NinjaScepSneasel

    NinjaScepSneasel Reviewer and writer

    Wow. That was quite disturbing.
    I have a few things to point out.
    Firstly, your narration was a bit odd, and made it very strange to read. At points, I couldn't understand what was happening. Your description is fine (when you use it), and so is your punctuation and spelling. Your style of writing and narration were the things that let it down.
    This is a no go in stories. Unless (like kutie pie said) the narration is something to do with your other one-off's, I wouldn't do things like the above.

    The story was intriging, but I found it a bit wierd and hard to follow.
  4. [Imaginative]:[Clockwork]

    [Imaginative]:[Clockwork] X-treme trainer

    No, I'm afraid it wasn't Molly Hale (specifically. I suppose it could be Molly Hale if you really, really wanted it to be. XD )

    Since both of you seemed confused by the same things, let me try to give an explanation here.

    First of all, being one-shots, the five stories I mentioned weren't connected by plot or characters. I simply wanted to write five stories that were similar in theme (specifically, they were all about different aspects of life and set in Kanto), so unfortunately, even if they had been posted, reading them wouldn't help you here.

    Now to the narrator. It was Billy.

    Yes, he was speaking in third person (although, as the story gets a little more "intense," I guess you could say, he slips up a few times and says "I" before pausing and correcting himself by saying "Billy" instead). It's not part of the story, just something I used to get in the proper mindset, but I imagined a reporter doing a story on those two kids who snuck into the Safari Zone a few years ago, and Billy contacting him and telling him he had information on it without giving away his identity (because honestly, who wants to be publicly known as the kid who let a girl fall to her death?).

    So yeah. :p

    Anyway, thank you both for reading and reviewing. :) I'm sorry it confused you, but hopefully you got some enjoyment out of it despite that.

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