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Song of the Nidorino (comedy one shot; rated E for Everyone)

FlamingRuby

The magic of Pokemon
The Kanto Trio in

"Song of the Nidorino"



The moning sun was high overhead Pallet Town by the time the brigade of escort Pidgeots guided the armor clad Swellow over the hustle and bustle of the main drag and down into the little forested nook that led to Pallet Zoo. The five crested badge wearing birds kept a watchful eye on the larger Swellow's cargo: an armored box with air holes.

Suddenly, a growl from the box led one of the Pidgeots to hurl a Whirlwind at the steel box, calming the Pokemon inside. All five of them knew that the zoo's newest arrival was very dangerous and also highly poisonous, which was why the larger red and blue bird they were escorting was also fitted with armor. If their cargo escaped and stung the Swellow with its Poison Sting, the Swellow would die in a matter of hours unless rushed to the Pokemon Center immediately. The armor was designed to resist the Pokemon's barbs, so in case the Pokemon inside the shiny box escaped, the Swellow could at least survive an attack.

Thankfully, that had not happened during their flight to the zoo.

After scoping out the various enclosures for their destination, the Pidgeot in front spotted a pen whose nameplate read "RESERVED: NIDORINO" and guided the armored Swellow down to the ground, where a team of keepers trained to handle dangerous Pokemon like Nidorino were waiting. The other Pidgeots followed, just in case there was a problem.

The steel box was carefully lifted from the Swellow's back and set on the ground, ever mindful of the forboding growls coming from within. The head keeper approached the armored carrier and inspected it. "He already feels pretty threatened right now...let's try to calm him first." he suggested, reaching for a nearby prong with some Rattata meat on it. After hiding some tranquilizer inside the food, he offered it to the box's occupant. The food was accepted, and some highly toxic venom had been deposited in its place, melting the iron the prong was made of.

The other keepers backed away as the lock holding the Pokemon inside popped off, allowing the box's occupant access to the open. All the birds fluttered away in panic as a medium sized long eared reptile emerged from the box, its purple scales glistening in the sun. Even more striking were the barbs on its face and the row of barbs on its back--all of which contained enough poison to kill off both the group of humans and the birds that had brought it to this prison.

"Now what do we do?" a keeper asked.

"Easy..." RUN!!!!!!!" the other keepers replied as they frantically scambled away from the angered Nidorino. The Nidorino, sensing the excitement of a chase, decided to follow the fleeing keepers as they fled for a place to hide from the venomous reptilian Pokemon. No sooner had the other zoo patrons seen the Nidorino chasing the keepers, they too fled for their lives, not wanting to fall victim to a toxic sting. Before long, the message was being proclaimed all over Pallet Town: DANGER! WILD NIDORINO ON THE LOOSE!

Meanwhile, in a house in Pallet Town...

A red haired girl relaxed on the couch in the living room, obviously enjoying the various dancing couples on the TV screen. Suddenly, the image of the couple that was currently performing disappeared from the TV, startling the girl! "Hey! I was watching that!" she snapped, thinking one of her two housemates was messing with the reception.

"We interrupt this program for an important news bulliten." the announcer began, dissapating the girl's anger. "A wild Nidorino has escaped from Pallet Zoo...citizens are urged to keep Pokemon and small children indoors unless absolutely necessary." The girl's mind was racing: Should I tell Ash to bring Pikachu inside? she thought as she watched one of her housemates, a boy with spikey black hair named Ash, playing with his Pikachu in the yard. He'd be devastated if Pikachu became dinner for a Nidorino...

"What's going on, Misty?" an older boy asked as he rushed into the living room, all the while brushing leaves from his tan skin and brown hair. "They interrupted the game for it, so it has to be important."

"They say a wild Nidorino escaped the zoo and is on the loose..." Misty explained to Brock, her other housemate, as images of the Nidorino chasing zoo patrons and keepers flashed on the TV screen. "People are urged to keep Pokemon inside unless it's necessary."

"WHAT????????" Ash raced into the room with Pikachu, his heart pounding as he watched scenes of the Nidorino terrorizing the town. Relieved that Pikachu was all right, he hugged his companion close. "Thank goodness a Nidorino didn't get you, Pikachu..."

"Pika?" Pikachu was bewildered by the confusion in the house.

"They say one of these guys escaped from the zoo..." Ash reached for his Pokedex, Dexette, and flipped it open, then showed it to Pikachu as Dexette began:

"Nidorino, the poison pin Pokemon. He is easily agitated and uses his horn for offense as soon as he notices an attacker."

"Not only that..." Brock added as he looked at a headline on the newspaper's front page describing the escape. "It says here that they love to eat small Pokemon, like Rattata, Pidgey, and Pikachu." No sooner had Brock mentioned "Pikachu" did Pikachu scramble under Ash's coat, afraid.

"The TV says that there's a reward of 50,000 credits for any trainer that can catch it and return it to the zoo!" Misty interjected.

"50,000 credits???" Ash was psyched to the point that his eyes became credit signs.

"Show me the money!" Brock cried in agreement. "Mr. Nidorino better not come a-knockin' in these parts!"

"Yeah, Pikachu might be Nidorino's favorite food..." Ash started, making Pikachu shudder again. "but my Pikachu is not a coward!"

"Pika, pika pi chu! Pika pi chu!" Pikachu taunted, raising two tiny fists for emphasis, as if wanting to challenge an imaginary Nidorino to a boxing match. He skittered out the front door and repeated his challenge to the autumn leaves: "Pika, pika pi chu!"

"RIIIIIIIIIIINO!" came the reply as a flock of Pidgeys fluttered away from a bush, pursued by a purple long eared reptilian Pokemon bent on having some of Pallet's small Pokemon for its next meal. Pikachu watched as the Nidorino leapt into the yard, frantically glancing around in search of the escaped Pidgeys. Just as it was about to give up and terrorize a different block, it spotted the Pikachu sitting on the stoop, taunting it. It interpreted the electric mouse's cries of confidence as a challenge, and charged towards the house!

"PIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!" Pikachu yelped as he dashed back into the house, where he hid inside Ash's shirt, afraid.

"I take that back...maybe my Pikachu IS a coward..." Ash sighed as he shooed Pikachu from his shirt sleeve.

"Get back! Go away!" Brock demanded as he battled the Nidorino's poisonous barbs and sharp claws with a plank of wood. "Go on, shoo!" Frustrated that it could not bite throuugh the wood and poison the human wielding it, the Nidorino lumbered off towards another block in search of another Pokemon to chase.

Later...

"Poor Pikachu...almost caught by a Nidorino..." Misty cooed, tryng to console the shuddering Pikachu as she settled at the kitchen table.

"And Brock was so brave, fighting him off like that..." Ash agreed as he sat down at the table and glanced at the plank of wood Brock had been fighting with minutes earlier. The only evidence of a fight the wood had on it were small pock marks indicating where teeth and claws had been.

"Let's see if the radio has any new info to help us catch Mr. Nidorino." Brock suggested. He reached for the radio lying on the kitchen counter and flicked it on, making a jazzy melody come drifting into the room. The music was enough to coax Pikachu out from the laundry, hop up on the kitchen table, grab an unsuspecting Togepi in his paws, and attempted to dance to the tune; much to Togepi's chagrin.

"And that was 'In the Mood' here on KNTO...I'm Fern O'Riley" the female announcer began as Pikachu spun Togepi one last time. "Stay tuned for more of "Jazz Moments"..."

"KNTO time is four o'clock, time now for the latest headlines..." a male announcer interrupted. "The wild Nidorino that escaped Pallet Zoo this morning is still at large...zoo officials are offering a 50,000 credit reward for its successful capture and safe return."

Pikachu was on the counter by the radio in a heartbeat. "Pi pika pikachu?" he asked the radio.

"You heard right, 50,000 credits!" the radio replied. A sly look came over Pikachu's face as he dreamed of what Ash would be able to get him with that sort of money: his own private arena, his own swimming pool, and all the ketchup he could eat!

Misty giggled. "Pikachu may be a coward sometimes..."

"But he can be a greedy little guy too.." Brock agreed.

"Professor Oak has discovered that Nidorinos become docile when exposed to music." the radio continued, but Brock didn't bother to listen to the rest of the headlines...the wheels in his brain were already turning.

"Thinking of a plan, Brock?" Ash asked as he cradled Pikachu in his arms.

"Yeah..." Brock replied. "I have a plan, all right..."

In the living room...

"Presenting my big idea!" Brock announced as he unveiled a puppet theater before Misty and Ash.

"Your big idea is a puppet show?" Misty sighed as the show unfolded: a Nidorino hand puppet weaved towards a popsicle stick representation of Ash and a button representing Pikachu.

"Brock wasn't a great puppeteer to begin with..." Ash sighed, pointing out Brock's hand operating the Nidorino puppet. "I can see his hand."

The Ash stick puppet appeared with a pipe cleaner in its mouth, presumably making it appear to be playing a Pokeflute to the two person audience. To top it off, Brock scatted the sound of a Pokeflute with his voice for a minute, then made a stick puppet of himself capture the Nidorino puppet in a net, complete with a "ta-da!" stinger at the end. Misty and Ash applauded as Brock emerged from behind his puppet stage and took a bow.

"I didn't really get any of that, but I think he wants me to play my Pokeflute and charm the Nidorino that way..." Ash sighed...

An hour or so later...

"Are we ready?" Brock asked as he finished tuning his guitar. Ash blew a note on his Pokeflute in reply. With that, the two of them launched into a rousing set of polkas, prompting Pikachu and Togepi to dance again, this time through the leaves in the yard. As they danced, they paid no heed to the curious Nidorino approaching their makeshift band, interested in the sound--at least until Ash stumbled over a note, which angered the Nidorino again!

Brock noticed the Nidorino cornering Ash, Pikachu, and Togepi; set his guitar aside, and made a mad dash for the closest mailbox with an envelope. "Quick, Misty! Sing something for a distraction!" he cried as he raced off down the sidewalk.

"Sure!" Misty replied. She cleared her throat, getting the Nidorino's attention. Next, she began to sing I-di-di-di; i-di-di-di-di, lee-um bumba way....i-di-di-di, i-di-di-di-di, lee-um bumba way...

Meanwhile...

Brock screeched to a halt at the mailbox, quickly addressed his envelope, and dropped it inside. He frantically paced, all the while listening to Misty performing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" further up the hill. He prayed that Misty knew the whole song, or better yet, could make up more verses to the song to buy his order time to get to him. Please hurry... he thought as he wrung his hands--he usually wasn't the type to worry, but when you had a wild Nidorino loose in your yard and you were running out of songs to calm it with, you couldn't help but worry.

"Package for Brock Harrison." the mailman called as he approached the mailbox and offered a package to Brock.

"Thank you, sir!" Brock replied as he signed for the package and set it on the ground--just as Misty finished her song. "Hey, Long Ears!" he called to the Nidorino pacing the yard. Once sure the Nidorino had his attention, he stuck out his tongue!

The Nidorino snarled and started charging down the sidewalk...at the same time, Brock was frantically assembling the trombone he had ordered and trying to remember how to buzz on the mouthpiece--it had been a long time since he had played a trombone, anyway.

Just as the angered Nidorino arrived by the mailbox, it was met with a rousing Dixieland groove--Misty and Ash had joined in with Brock's trombone on banjo and trumpet, respectively. The Nidorino, fascinated by the makeshift band, began following the three person parade down the sidewalk and towards the main drag, where the denizens of Pallet stopped what they were doing to watch the bizarre spectacle. Some of them even applauded when the band finished their song.

"Thank you..." Misty acknowledged her applause before restarting the marching groove again--at least until she noted Brock's instrument hanging by the slide on a tree branch up ahead. "Uh oh..."

"Niiiiiiiido!" the Nidorino growled as it cornered the trio between some trash cans and boxes. Ash responded by blaring a bugle call in the Nidorino's face, angering it even more!

"And, we're off!" Brock yelped as he led his friends back onto the sidewalk, with the Nidorino in hot pursuit. After chasing the three humans for a while, the Nidorino came to screeching halt at an intersection, where Brock was playing a set of bagpipes. But the noise prompted the Nidorino to fire a poisonous stinger at the instrument, puncturing the bag.

"Any more bright ideas, Mr. Highlander?" Misty gasped as the Nidorino prepared to charge again.

"I think so..." Brock cleared his throat and proceeded to belt out a chorus of Oh, I'm unbeatable!--which calmed the reptilian Pokemon in the intersection once again...

Everybody wants to be a master, everybody wants to show their skills... Misty sang as she led her friends and the Nidorino through town...

We all live, in a Pokemon world... Ash wheezed as the group trudged through another part of town. "whew...I wanna be, the greatest master of them all...

I wanna be, the very best, like no one ever was... Brock huffed and wheezed as the group entered the zoo and marched towards the Nidorino enclosure. To catch them... He collapsed to his knees as Misty opened the steel door leading into the enclosure, exhausted. He quickly sprayed some mint spray in his mouth before belting out one last line: To catch them is my real test! To train them is my cause! With that, Misty slammed the door, trapping the Nidorino inside.

"We did it!" Ash cheered. He led his friends towards the zoo offices, where a pile of 50,000 credits was waiting in the head keeper's office.

"You three were very clever in exploiting the Nidorino's weakness...what inspired you to catch the Nidorino?" the head keeper asked as Ash, Misty and Brock negotiated their shares of the 50,000 credits.

"Blame Pikachu..." Ash replied as he handed Pikachu his share. "He may be a coward sometimes..." He was about to say more when a breeze blew one of the bills out towards the window--but Pikachu raced to catch the bill before it fluttered out the window and into the Nidorino's pen.

"But he can also be a greedy little guy when he has to!" Misty agreed. Everyone laughed as Pikachu blushed, embarrassed.

THE END
 

Bay

YEAHHHHHHH
Okay, I will review, as requested! ^^ I will try my best on this review.

Okay, here are a few places that should be worked on a little more:

The other keepers backed away as the lock holding the Pokemon inside popped off, allowing the box's occupant access to the open. All the birds fluttered away in panic as a medium sized long eared reptile emerged from the box, its purple scales glistening in the sun. Even more striking were the barbs on its face and the row of barbs on its back--all of which contained enough poison to kill off both the group of humans and the birds that had brought it to this prison.

"Now what do we do?" a keeper asked.

I think the second sentence where you described Nidorino is a little static. Maybe you could put a little more action, something like this:

All the birds fluttered away in panic as a medium sized reptile emerged from the box. It wiggled its ears to hear a little better. His purple scales were glistening in the sun.

Also, I think you could had put a little more emotional description on the keeper. How did he feel when he saw the Nidorino out of its cage? Scared? Nervous? Not sure what to do? Yeah, when doing emotional description, think about how you want your character to feel.

"Easy..." RUN!!!!!!!" the other keepers replied as they frantically scambled away from the angered Nidorino. The Nidorino, sensing the excitement of a chase, decided to follow the fleeing keepers as they fled for a place to hide from the venomous reptilian Pokemon. No sooner had the other zoo patrons seen the Nidorino chasing the keepers, they too fled for their lives, not wanting to fall victim to a toxic sting. Before long, the message was being proclaimed all over Pallet Town: DANGER! WILD NIDORINO ON THE LOOSE!

I think this part could use a little more work. For instance, how did the townspeople knew about it? Word from the street? Rumors? The zoo parton’s loud screams? It could be either one or more of those ideas I suggested.

"PIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!" Pikachu yelped as he dashed back into the house, where he hid inside Ash's shirt, afraid.

"I take that back...maybe my Pikachu IS a coward..." Ash sighed as he shooed Pikachu from his shirt sleeve.

"Get back! Go away!" Brock demanded as he battled the Nidorino's poisonous barbs and sharp claws with a plank of wood. "Go on, shoo!" Frustrated that it could not bite throuugh the wood and poison the human wielding it, the Nidorino lumbered off towards another block in search of another Pokemon to chase.

This part will need some work too. First off, show don’t tell. I don’t want to just read … “Pikachu yelped as he dashed back into the house, where he hid inside Ash’s shirt, afraid. I actually you to make me feel how Pikachu feel. Put a little more action in your description. For instance, something like this:

“Piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!!” Pikachu yelped frantically. Scared for his life, he dashed quickly into the house. The yellow Pokemon suddenly hid himself inside Ash’s shirt. His body started shaking. He can’t seem to stop it, too afraid for his mind to think straight.

Also, on the third paragraph of the quote above, I wonder how that scene came all of a sudden. What you can do is put a little more detail on how that event happen. Maybe the events will go in logical order like this:

-After Pikachu hid himself inside Ash’s shirt, Brock saw the Nidorino charging towards both Ash and Brock.

-Ash and Pikachu got scared of what is going to happen.

- Brock was not sure what to do until he suddenly saw a wooden plank.

-Before the Nidorino came, Brock managed to block its path with that plank.

I gave a list of what other little events you can put, as this will help make that quote above more logical and flowing. To me, that quote seems to be like this: Pikachu hid in Ash’s shirt. Nidorino started scratching the plank. That led me to questions like, “How Brock suddenly had the plank?” and also “Where was the Nidorino while Pikachu was in Ash’s shirt”.

As they danced, they paid no heed to the curious Nidorino approaching their makeshift band, interested in the sound--at least until Ash stumbled over a note, which angered the Nidorino again!


That’s one of the problems I had with your story. Like I said before, show, don’t tell. I want to see how the Nidorino got angry. How was that done? Did that Pokemon yell? Was charging at Ash? His face suddenly turned red?

Yeah, when trying to do emotions, don’t just say the character’s emotions. Put a little action and description, a little more spice.

"Any more bright ideas, Mr. Highlander?" Misty gasped as the Nidorino prepared to charge again.

"I think so..." Brock cleared his throat and proceeded to belt out a chorus of Oh, I'm unbeatable!--which calmed the reptilian Pokemon in the intersection once again...

Everybody wants to be a master, everybody wants to show their skills... Misty sang as she led her friends and the Nidorino through town…

This part I think you could put a little more emotional description in it. Maybe you can put how Brock got nervous when he saw the Nidorino charging at them again and then after a little bit, he got an idea. It seemed in this part all you did was this: Misty gasped when the Nidorino was charging at them again and then Brock magically thought of an idea. Yeah again, a little more emotion on Brock’s part.

…Wow, I gave out quite a long review. ^^; Still, I got more to say. =O

Okay, here is a couple of things that I noticed.

One, you seemed to use “sigh” too much. Maybe you could put an adjective after sigh, like “Ash sighed sadly” or “Ash gave out an angry sigh.” Or better yet, try to think of a different word to use besides sigh, like moan or groan. The thesaurus is your friend. Use it wisely. ^_^

Also, you seemed to just put something like “Misty gasped.” I want a little more emotion besides them laughing or gasping. I want to actually hear them laughing uproariously or gasping nervously. You get what I am saying? ^^;; Well, it’s okay to just leave it like that, but most of the time you should put a little more emotion when a character speaks.

Now, my overall impression.

Hehe, I thought the story is quite cute. I liked it. ^_^ I think my favorite part was when Pikachu went Kung-Fu mode! Also, I can’t believe Pikachu is actually greedy! XD Also, nice that you put the anime song that I claimed. Brownie points for that! ^O^

Sorry that I really didn’t have any other nice things to say. I like this story but it does need some work on description. Also, sorry in advance if the examples I put were filled with grammar mistakes. The reason I put those examples is so that you can see how you can make the description a little better. Okay, me myself is trying to learn how to do better description. I think maybe you can go and read other fics with good description.

Well, I tried my best with this review. I hope this helps. ^^;

;134;~Good night, and good luck~
 
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