Spanking: Where do you draw the line?

[Sadib]

Well, you know how when you touch a burning stove and you pull away because its painful, and you never do it again because it's painful? Spanking is going to be painful, there's no other way around it. I'm not saying spanking your child will lead them to believe everything they're going to do will lead to pain and suffering (and actually, I think some children get used to it to where they laugh off spanking depending on how they're getting spanked), but it should be used as a punishment that tells them, "Hey, if I do this bad thing that makes my mommy and daddy angry, I'm going to hurt again. I don't want to get hurt, so I probably shouldn't do it again."

Would forcing your child to touch a burning stove be an appropriate punishment? If not, why is spanking?

 

[Kutie Pie]

Would forcing your child to touch a burning stove be an appropriate punishment? If not, why is spanking?

I'm baffled, how in the world did you get that from the analogy? Did I condone burning a child's hand on a stove? A sane person wouldn't do that to their child, for starters. Spanking is not child abuse when it's kept to a minimum and is done only when the situation calls for it. The majority of the time, yes, there are indeed much better ways to discipline a child without laying a hand on them. It's not like we're doing severe corporal punishment on them, a smack on the butt is a mild form of punishment compared to days long past. I personally believe smacking a child across the mouth is worse than spanking them on the behind or slapping them on the wrist.

 

[Sadib]

I read the title of this thread wrong, and thought it was renamed to "Sogeking: Where do you draw the line?"

I'm baffled, how in the world did you get that from the analogy? Did I condone burning a child's hand on a stove? A sane person wouldn't do that to their child, for starters. Spanking is not child abuse when it's kept to a minimum and is done only when the situation calls for it. The majority of the time, yes, there are indeed much better ways to discipline a child without laying a hand on them. It's not like we're doing severe corporal punishment on them, a smack on the butt is a mild form of punishment compared to days long past. I personally believe smacking a child across the mouth is worse than spanking them on the behind or slapping them on the wrist.

Spanking really isn't that different from temporary burning a child's hand. Both are just varying degrees of positive punishment, not negative reinforcement because you aren't taking anything bad away from the child. If you can justify one, you can justify the other.

 

[Jb]

Spanking really isn't that different from temporary burning a child's hand. Both are just varying degrees of positive punishment, not negative reinforcement because you aren't taking anything bad away from the child. If you can justify one, you can justify the other.

What. You really think that burning a child's hand and spanking are one in the same? Burns can leave permanent marks. A spanking wont

 

[Sadib]

What. You really think that burning a child's hand and spanking are one in the same? Burns can leave permanent marks. A spanking wont

Not if they're burned correctly. I'm not defending burning children or spanking. Both are heinous acts. I'm just saying that they are comparable.

 

[Ivoright]

I was hit on the backside with a plank of wood when I was young.
I was never given an explanation to why whatever I was doing was wrong, just a smack with the ol' plank.
I learned nothing.
All that it created was the notion that my father was a bad person.
I flinched every time I heard his boot against the tile.
I hid when I heard his voice.
I cringed when he was near me.
And I... Still misbehaved.
I don't think spanking is an effective punishment. The evidence shows.

My point is that if that teaches nothing, I don't think any other form of physical punishment will work either.

 

[Team Volt Grunt]

I was hit on the backside with a plank of wood when I was young.
I was never given an explanation to why whatever I was doing was wrong, just a smack with the ol' plank.
I learned nothing.
All that it created was the notion that my father was a bad person.
I flinched every time I heard his boot against the tile.
I hid when I heard his voice.
I cringed when he was near me.
And I... Still misbehaved.
Don't tell me how spanking is an effective punishment. The evidence shows otherwise.

Being slapped with a plank of wood is not spanking. That is some seriously messed up physical abuse and you seem to be under the impression that all spanking is the same as what you experienced. Well it's not. For me, spanking was a pat or two on the butt with a hand (kind of like hitting someone on the back when they choke). It was more scary than painful, and not the "I'm paranoid by everything that makes a sound" kind of fear, just an "I don't want to be spanked so I won't do this" kind of fear that was just enough to deter me from doing things I knew were wrong. It taught me not to do bad things and I was probably only spanked 3 times in my life.

hitting kids with any type of object or hitting kids with unnecessary force or repetition is abuse, not spanking.

 

[Steampunk]

I was hit on the backside with a plank of wood when I was young.
I was never given an explanation to why whatever I was doing was wrong, just a smack with the ol' plank.
I learned nothing.
All that it created was the notion that my father was a bad person.
I flinched every time I heard his boot against the tile.
I hid when I heard his voice.
I cringed when he was near me.
And I... Still misbehaved.
Don't tell me how spanking is an effective punishment. The evidence shows otherwise.

Like Kyle said, this is not even in the ballpark of what we're talking about. First, you teach your children why something is wrong (If at all possible), and then after they disobey the rule, then they get a punishment, and as I said before, I would use another kind of punishment first, like taking away privileges, but if a child continues to disobey, even after he understands why he shouldn't do something and after he has had privileges taken away, then that is when I personally would discipline with a spank.

And I personally, was not spanked often, only rarely, my parents usually just gave me a quick pinch on the arm and that was enough.

 

[miles0624]

I was hit on the backside with a plank of wood when I was young.
I was never given an explanation to why whatever I was doing was wrong, just a smack with the ol' plank.
I learned nothing.
All that it created was the notion that my father was a bad person.
I flinched every time I heard his boot against the tile.
I hid when I heard his voice.
I cringed when he was near me.
And I... Still misbehaved.
Don't tell me how spanking is an effective punishment. The evidence shows otherwise.

Let me actually agree with them. This isn't spanking in the sense of what I was talking about.

Growing up, I received a spanking maybe five or six times. Each on of them explained a consequence. I remember them all.

1. When I was three for playing in the street after my parents told me not to multiple times. Then they told me how that was what getting ran over a car was like but worse. (Never went in the street again.)

2. I stole a candy bar from the store at four. They compared that spanking to jail, plus I had to go apologize to the store owner. (I'm still best friends with that owner to this day. Plus he still give me free candy )

You get my point. All the times I was spanked, it was compared to some type of harm that my parents did not want me to experience. I say that to say, when used correctly, spanking can be a good form of discipline.

Also, the comment about resulting to violence = bad parenting, you need to learn not to see things in such black and white terms. There is gray all around us.

 

[Ivoright]

Being slapped with a plank of wood is not spanking. That is some seriously messed up physical abuse and you seem to be under the impression that all spanking is the same as what you experienced. Well it's not. For me, spanking was a pat or two on the butt with a hand (kind of like hitting someone on the back when they choke). It was more scary than painful, and not the "I'm paranoid by everything that makes a sound" kind of fear, just an "I don't want to be spanked so I won't do this" kind of fear that was just enough to deter me from doing things I knew were wrong. It taught me not to do bad things and I was probably only spanked 3 times in my life.

hitting kids with any type of object or hitting kids with unnecessary force or repetition is abuse, not spanking.

My point is that if that teaches nothing, I don't think any other form of physical punishment will work either.

1. When I was three for playing in the street after my parents told me not to multiple times. Then they told me how that was what getting ran over a car was like but worse. (Never went in the street again.)

2. I stole a candy bar from the store at four. They compared that spanking to jail, plus I had to go apologize to the store owner. (I'm still best friends with that owner to this day. Plus he still give me free candy )

You get my point. All the times I was spanked, it was compared to some type of harm that my parents did not want me to experience. I say that to say, when used correctly, spanking can be a good form of discipline.

But perhaps something like this works better.

 

[Curo]

I never draw the line.

 

[LDSman]

I never draw the line.

So what is your opinion? Spank, don't spank?

 

[Curo]

I was just joking sorry...but I think spanking children is okay under certain circumstances. I mean, don't get to the point where it's considered physical obuse. And if the kid isn't learning from it then just try other non-physical methods. I don't have kids yet, and my views my change when I do.

 

[Jason_Todd]

It could be useful as a deterrent, but as others have said eventually a child grows out of it and realizes that it's really not doing much of anything. I've seen various studies which have shown that spanking can lead to aggression later in life, well perhaps those children needed more dedicated parents who were willing to follow through with their line of punishment. A child has to understand, if willing, what is right and wrong, a small pain can have a lasting impact in a postive way just like others have listed negatives of it.

Those for or against spanking probably already realize that parents are essentially powerless when it comes to disciplining their children. Spank them, you get a visit from CPS, take away their video games they just find something else to do, ground them and they'll make you miserable being around so much, etc. Children, and especially teenagers are a lot smarter these days, they know all too well what they can get away with. Spanking or not, them turning 18 can't get here soon enough.

 

[Mandi.]

Back when I was a child, spanking and hitting for disciplinary actions was acceptable. It worked really well too. I was scared to hell to piss off my parents lol.

Today children know they can get away with anything because parents are so scared to hit their kids because for some reason today it is considered abuse. Children even go to ways to even lie to others about their parents abusing them to get their own parents into big trouble.

I think that's another reason why kids these days are failing more and more, because they don't get disciplined enough and/or the right way. Call spanking/hitting abuse if you must, but people need to start minding their own business and let parents decide if they want to spank their kids or not. They are the parent, not you. And it is in no way abuse in any way.

If you are able to discipline your children without having to spank them, well good for you. Some children need a little beating once in a while though because they just don't get it. They are not scared. They will keep doing what they want.

 

[PinkiePieFox]

Spanking I draw the line at. A simple smack across the booty is fine, but not hard. Go for the shock factor. But as a child I was probably slapped less then 5 times. All of the times I was given reasons for and understood, I knew not to do it but didn't fear my parents. I found a punishment that was worse then physical harm.

If I did something bad they'd give me the silent treatment. I HATED it, made me think about what I did and felt horrible. I learned to fear that then anything else. But I do have a very good relationship with my parents, they've never hurt me and I can tell them anything. I think spanking is wrong (repeatedly hitting a child or slapping) because you don't want fear to set in. As of now I'm thankful for how my parents have raised me, I have high morality and am caring and VERY truthful.

 

[Maedar]

I would personally never strike a child in any way. (I have no children myself, but I do have a six-year-old niece who neither I nor any member of my family would dream of hitting.)

I do have an opinion of people who think striking your kids is okay, and it's not a positive one. These people think that "Spare the rod, spoil the child" is something the Bible says, but in truth, that phrase was first said by Samuel Butler; the closest the Bible gets is "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves [his son] is careful to discipline him." (Prov 13:24)

Now, when confronted with that fact, many say, "close enough". However, most actual religious scholars beg to differ. The Good Book is loaded with metaphors involving sheep and shepherds, and many misinterpret what "rod" means in such a case. It does not mean spank, punish, or discipline. Shepherds never hit their sheep with a rod; rather, they use it to steer the flock in the direction they want the sheep to go. (Watch The Ten Commandments with this in mind. Yvonne DeCarlo is shown guiding sheep to the well with soft "drrr, drr" sounds and pushing them with the side of her staff.) Western civilization tends to equate "discipline" with "punishment", when a more appropriate translation might be "guidance" or "encouragement".

Parents should not spank their kids, ever. It teaches kids that violence is a solution.

 

[Mandi.]

^ Funny how you say spanking children teaches them violence. The media, music, television, other children and basically everything in this world shows children violence. Ironic thing is, kids these days are growing up way to fast due to the media, therefore violence is getting way worse than it ever was. Not saying kids are becoming violent due to parents not being able to spank them or hit them anymore, but apparently children are not getting disciplined enough these days. I think a reason for that is because parents are so hesitant to punish their kids in a way that may be considered abuse by very sensitive humans.

I was spanked when I was a child. I am in no ways even close to being a violent person. I watch violent shows, play violent video games and see some damn horrible violent stuff ..but that does not automatically mean I'm going to be that way. My parents raised me well and disciplined me the right way. So for you to say spanking your children will introduce them to violence, therefore they will be violent is extremely false.

 

[Maedar]

I remember watching Leave it to Beaver when I was a child, remember that? It was the old-fashioned show that is now very out of date and incredibly unrealistic compared to modern times?

Well, if I remember correctly, Ward Cleaver specifically said that he would never even consider laying a hand on his children, and he had a very good reason; HIS father used that form of discipline a LOT, using a razor strap, and it kind of made him rethink the corporal punishment angle when raising his own kids.

It's fiction, of course, but it's something to think about when you consider that this is a show set in a time period where wearing a t-shirt with a monster's face on it at school was considered "gruesome" and enough to warrant the principal calling the parent.

Oh, and by the way, I played violent games and watched violent cartoons a lot too. I have no criminal record.

 

[Steampunk]

I would personally never strike a child in any way. (I have no children myself, but I do have a six-year-old niece who neither I nor any member of my family would dream of hitting.)

I do have an opinion of people who think striking your kids is okay, and it's not a positive one. These people think that "Spare the rod, spoil the child" is something the Bible says, but in truth, that phrase was first said by Samuel Butler; the closest the Bible gets is "He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves [his son] is careful to discipline him." (Prov 13:24)

Now, when confronted with that fact, many say, "close enough". However, most actual religious scholars beg to differ. The Good Book is loaded with metaphors involving sheep and shepherds, and many misinterpret what "rod" means in such a case. It does not mean spank, punish, or discipline. Shepherds never hit their sheep with a rod; rather, they use it to steer the flock in the direction they want the sheep to go. (Watch The Ten Commandments with this in mind. Yvonne DeCarlo is shown guiding sheep to the well with soft "drrr, drr" sounds and pushing them with the side of her staff.) Western civilization tends to equate "discipline" with "punishment", when a more appropriate translation might be "guidance" or "encouragement".

Parents should not spank their kids, ever. It teaches kids that violence is a solution.

Perhaps, but then why do we have a military? That also teaches them that violence is the answer.

And on the Bible and discipline. The Bible does not specifically mention disciplining physically, but it does tell children to be obedient to their parents, and for parents to bring up with "Admonishing"(Other translations use terms like: Nurturing, Training, and yes Discipline.) [Ephesians 6: 1-4] And why? “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” So while no, the Bible does not advocate the use of violence towards children, it by no means says that they should not be trained in what is rights and wrong (Which would include discipline).

And I do think that saying that spanking "exposes them to violence, therefore they will grow up to be violent", is very hypocritical when said by parents who let their children play games like Call of Duty, and the like. (Not trying to single anyone out here) Being exposed to violence does not mean that you will be a violent person later in life, we all have that choice, it all depends of how they are taught to see it, in a negative light, or a positive one.