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Spotlight: Tale of a Contest Master

K

Kei

Guest
Ice_Scyther said:
You can spell gray grey, I spell it that way.

Anyway, here as requested.



You forgot a period.



It needs to be capitalized.



It is spelled D-A-M-M-I-T. :)



That kind of...odd.



Run-on.

I'm very picky. :) Sorry.

-I.S. ;212;

Be picky, it's what I want. Ha-ha.
 
M

mindripper

Guest
They rarely go a day without seeing, talking, or hanging out with each other.
Tenses, my friend. This should be in past tense.

It was one of those days where you knew something was going to go wrong and the surroundings just seem to ensure those thoughts.
Another tense mistake.

The stories they’ve heard regarding this forest went on and on about ghost pokemon taunting their “victims” here.
Do not do this. Using short form while writing description and body makes you seem amateurish. It should also be in the past tense.

A childish yellow smirk began to appear on the head part of the shadow along with two devilish purple eyes
I really dislike this line. I do not see how you can describe something as childish and devilish at the same time, without the cheekiness that would come with a correct combination of the two.


Other than those mistakes which irritated me more, I will not mention the others, as they are comparatively minor and are occurences that you can tackle on your own. I do not know enough about the story to comment on the plot, but it looks ok as of now. Can change for the better or worse very quickly, though. Good luck.
 
K

Kei

Guest
mindripper said:
Tenses, my friend. This should be in past tense.



Another tense mistake.



Do not do this. Using short form while writing description and body makes you seem amateurish. It should also be in the past tense.



I really dislike this line. I do not see how you can describe something as childish and devilish at the same time, without the cheekiness that would come with a correct combination of the two.


Other than those mistakes which irritated me more, I will not mention the others, as they are comparatively minor and are occurences that you can tackle on your own. I do not know enough about the story to comment on the plot, but it looks ok as of now. Can change for the better or worse very quickly, though. Good luck.

Alright thank you Mindripper.
 
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