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Team of Evil...

  • Thread starter Gamesfreak13562
  • Start date
G

Gamesfreak13562

Guest
(Rated G)

Proluge:

A fortune teller sits down at a table, waiting for her first customer. A few ten year old boys comes in, along with two 24 year olds.

"Well, what's your name?"

"My name is Evice."

"Very well, Evice. Let me consintrate on your future...I see...terrible things having to do with Pokemon, turning them into battle machines...ah, yes..great things...terrible, but great. Also, I see another person in that...a person that follows up on these deeds called Greevil..."

"Really?" Greevil asks, who was in the same room.

"Yes."

"And you, in the blue shirt?"

"My name is Archie, Leader of the Water Pokemon clan!"

"I see you...making a crime commitee..and you will fight with a person named Maxie..."

"Umm, excuse me? Archie is MY friend. Sure, we have diffences, but just small ones." Maxie implied.

"And you two?"

"I'm Jessie, and this is James," Jessie said.

"Well good for you! I see you working for a man named Giovanni.. and trying to steal one elusive Pikachu."

"And finally, you?"

This child was different from the rest. He already knew what he was to do later in his life. He will try to conquer the world!

"Well..I'll pay you 5 more Pokedollers if you forget the name." The fortune teller accepted.

"You...will do great deeds that only evil itself could do." "Like..world conquest, or something like that?" "Yes!"

30 years later...

Archie was running from Officer Jenny and a two ten year old trainers.

"Stop! Return the blue orb now!"

Archie was running down the road of Lilycove, back to his base...but he ran into somebody and dropped the orb. Officer Jenny got it and returned it to Mt. Pyre.

"Hey! I was about to get the orb! Hey wait...I know you! Are you perhaps...Greevil?"

"Yes, I am. But don't tell anybody I'm the leader of Cipher, okay?"

"Wait a second..we could team up and get the Blue Orb!"

"And that's where I come in."

"You're..you're..."

"GAH! ENOUGH WITH THE DRAMATIC ENTRENCES! YOU KNOW MY NAME, SPIT IT OUT!"

"Okay, fine! You're Deathgold, right?"

Now real Pokemon people know that Deathgold is Greevil's name in Japan, but that was just a name translation. This is a different Deathgold.

"Yes. Now come with me. We must find Maxie, Evice, Jessie, and James."

"Why?"

"Because...we will soon not rule only the Hoenn reigon, or the Orre reigon, OR the Kanto region..we will rule the entire world! If we all can just settle our differences and work together, we can get all the powerful Pokemon and the world will bow down to us!

END OF PROLUGE
 

Yoru Ryu

Zhampy
Wow, needs description o.o Much more description. I know it's a prologue but they can have description in too ^^; And you spelt "Proluge" wrong. It's: Prologue, unless i'm speaking the wrong language.

"Very well, Evice. Let me consintrate on your future

Assuming what i am, i believe you've spelt "consintrate" wrong. It should be: Concentrate

and a two ten year old trainers.

That should either be:

And a ten-year-old trainer.

Or:

And two ten-year-old trainers.

Archie was running down the road of Lilycove, back to his base...but he ran into somebody and dropped the orb. Officer Jenny got it and returned it to Mt. Pyre.

Why didn't Jenny arrest Archie as he was stealing the Blue orb? I find it difficult to believes she'd just snatch it away from the man when he fell and then leave a criminal be o_o

Anyway, it would be interesting to see all the Heads of the antagonists working together. Keep at it.
 
There is no information in it and everything goes by too fast. The prologue should show some description of the series, not just diologue. Also, try expanding, the whole thing toke me a few seconds to read.
 
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