The Adventure Begins

[The Terror of Death]

Chapter 1. The adventure begins

Around 2A.M., a boy who had long brown hair, and wore a black shirt and a green vest over his shirt, blue pants, and a tan pouch around his waist was at his white computer desk, sketching pictures of Pokemon, creatures that inhabit the world in different areas. Each Pokemon have different characteristics and abilities, which makes each Pokemon unique.

“Anthony, go to bed now!” yelled a voice from downstairs in the dark.

“Ok, just give me a couple more minutes!” Anthony responded.

In just one more day, Anthony is about to start out on an adventure that his brother set on 3 years ago. To become a Pokemon trainer and to be as great as his brother was. Anthony finished his sketch, which had his brother and his most trustworthy Pokemon, Donphan in it. Donphan looks very much like an elephant. Its armored hide has an unscratchable structure similar to a tire. His brother made it to the Indigo Plateau and made it to the top 8 out of all the trainers in Kanto.

Anthony went into his queen size bed and fell asleep in no time, anxiously awaiting the next day. The next day Anthony made sure not to oversleep. Today he would start his own adventure as a Pokemon trainer.

“Anthony, here’s a letter from Robert” his mom said.

“Huh, a letter a Rob?” Anthony said puzzled taking the letter from his mom, and began to read it to himself.

‘Dear Anthony,
So the day finally come when you can become a Pokemon trainer and set sail on your very own adventures. I made sure to give mom 5 pokeball’s and one pokeball that has a starter Pokemon I caught for you for this specific day for you. Hopefully we’ll come across each other in our travels someday and be able to battle each other. A good start for your adventure is to go to Viridian City. Which is past Route 1. You’ll see lots of Pokemon on the way there; hopefully you’ll catch some good Pokemon and raise them to become strong.
Be safe,
Your brother, Rob’

Mom hands Anthony the pokeball, and says “hmm…I wonder what kind of Pokemon Rob caught for you?”

“Hmm… well time to find out, Anthony said”
“Pokeball…go!” Anthony howled.

An intense light shined as the pokeball opened. When the intense light ceased to shine, all you could see was a baby blue elephant. Anthony checked the data on the Pokemon and came to the conclusion it was a Phanpy! Phanpy bears some resemblance to a baby elephant. It has a blue body, four stubby legs, and a largish trunk with a red patch on it and two large ears, each with two red clip-like markings.

Anthony was excited that he got a Phanpy, since Phanpy is the pre-evolve form of Donphan, his brothers most trustworthy Pokemon. Anthony got all of his belongings together, like his clothes, pokeball’s, potions, etc.

Anthony walked up to his mom and said, “ok mom, I’m going to start my adventure right away, Rob told me to start my adventure at Viridian City, I’ll call you once I make it there.”

Mom smiled happily, gave Anthony a hug, and said, “ok honey, make sure your safe, that’s all I’m worrying about.”

“Don’t worry mom, I'm going to be fine, so see you later.”

Anthony walked out of his house, and started to walk towards Route 1.

***********************************
Anthony is now at Route 1 and is lying down, enjoying the gigantic spacious sky and the Pokemon flying in the feathery clouds. He saw bird Pokemon like Pidgey. Pidgey are tiny bird Pokemon who has brown feathers and black stripes behind its eyes. Pidgey are one of the easiest Pokemon to capture and tame due to their docile nature. He also saw some Pidgeotto flying with the Pidgey. Pidgeotto are the evolved form of Pidgey. Pidgeotto are large birds that have large sharp talons, a red and yellow-feathered tail, and a red crest on its head.

Out of nowhere a bird type Pokemon that looked like a Pidgey attacked Anthony! Anthony was staggered that a Pidgey would attack him, since they are docile Pokemon. But Anthony looked at it closely and it wasn’t a Pidgey at all. It was a Pokemon called Spearow. Spearow is a small bird Pokemon. It eats insects in grassy areas, has brown feathers, and has short reddish colored wings, which means Spearow has to fly fast to stay airborne, and can't fly very far or high.

Anthony thought it he would try his luck in his first wild Pokemon battle. The terrain around him was very grassy with little bumps of dirt. So Anthony screamed, “Go Phanpy!”

“Alright Phanpy, ready for our first wild Pokemon battle?” Anthony said with confidence trying to boast Phanpy’s. ”Phann!” Phanpy said with exhilaration. “Phanpy start out with your tackle attack!” Anthony yelled.

Phanpy started to run towards the wild Spearow, but the Spearow flew out of the way, and was scanning the area in the air. Spearow all of a sudden swooped down swiftly towards Phanpy.

Anthony started to wonder to himself, “what’s the best way to dodge so Phanpy will take minimum damage?”

“Wait I got it!” Anthony thought.

“Phanpy, quick, use defense curl!” Phanpy quickly curled itself into a tight ball and reinforced its defense. Spearow made contact with Phanpy and was send back due to the recoil.

“Phanpy, use tackle while Spearow’s guard is down!” Anthony commanded.

Phanpy quickly charged Spearow with massive force behind him and made contact. Spearow was knocked out and Anthony didn’t bother to catch it because he didn’t want to battle it in the first place. Then all of a sudden…

this is my first time making a fan fic, so im ready for critizism ^_^


Chapter 2. Rival Battle! Anthony vs. Rena
Chapter 3. Viridian Forest
Chapter 4. Arrival at Pewter City
Chapter 5. The Rock Master
Chapter 6. Mt. Moon
Chapter 7. The Cascade Badge
Chapter 8. The Five-Trainer Challenge
Chapter 9. Living Fossil
Chapter 10. The Technical Machines

 

[pathophobe]

Spread out your description rather than smashing it all together. Try to stay in one tense while writing. try to improvee your grammar. you could send it to a friend or a beta reader to check punctuation, capatalization, etc. before you put your story up here.

 

[The Terror of Death]

ok pathophobe, thanks for the advice, i fixed some errors in the first chapter, and heres the second one:

Chapter 2. Rival Battle! Anthony vs. Rena

All of a sudden, Anthony heard a mysterious voice he has never heard before. A girl with blonde hair, red shirt with a white open button down shirt with blue stripes on it comes out of the bushes and says to him,

“Your pretty good for just a newbie trainer, though I think your strategies are a little sloppy.” The girl explained as her green headband around her head blew in the wind.

“Huh, what do u mean sloppy?” Anthony said confused

“I mean, instead of using that defense curl, you could’ve used an attack that would’ve not also countered Spearow’s, but also do damage in the process, instead of just telling your Pokemon to curl into a ball.” The girl said.

“I did just fine for my first battle, and I also won too, so I think I'm doing a good job so far.” Anthony explained.

“You may have won this time, but if you battle like you just did again against a stronger Pokemon, I guarantee you will lose” The girl said.

Anthony chuckled and said, “ I don’t believe you.”

The girl had a confident smirk on her face and grabbed a pokeball out of her bag, and said, “fine then I challenge you to a Pokemon battle!”

Anthony was surprised, yet excited that he would have his first official Pokemon battle on the first day of his adventure. Anthony turned to her and said, “I accept” with a self-assured tone in his voice.

Anthony took out his pokeball and yelled, “Go Phanpy!”

The girl with the headband screamed, “ Go Duskull!”

Duskull is a ghost type Pokemon, the first kind Anthony has ever seen or encountered. Duskull has a small hooded masked form in a black robe with a cross-bone drawing on its back. Its mask looks like the front of a skull. It has only one, red eye, which can float freely inside its head.

Anthony yelled the first attack, “Phanpy tackle!”

Phanpy ran towards Duskull and made contact with him, but it didn’t do anything. Anthony was surprised so he hastily told Phanpy to use tackle again, but it didn’t work.

“Haha!” the girl with the green headband said. “You can’t attack Duskull with normal type attacks like tackle, it doesn’t have any affect on him because he’s a ghost Pokemon.”

Anthony couldn’t believe what he heard, since tackle can’t do any damage to Duskull and defense curl isn’t an offensive move, then he couldn’t do damage to him.

Anthony thought to himself, “What should I do?” “I don’t know any other Attacks to tell Phanpy to use.” “Wait!” “I remember Rob using a certain attack that he told his Donphan to use, and also Phanpy can use.” “Crap, what was it…” He thought hard of recalling the attack that Rob used. “! That’s it!”

The girl said to Duskull, “ Use night shade!” a sinister shadowy beam came out of Duskull’s eye and went straight toward Phanpy.

“Phanpy quick use defense curl!” Phanpy promptly got into a tight ball to reduce damage done from the night shade.

“Heh, not bad, but not good enough!” “Duskull use disable!” The girl screamed. Phanpy got out of the ball right as the disable took effect.

“What’s going on?!” “How come Phanpy got out of the defense curl?” Anthony said, puzzled.

“I’ll tell you,” the girl said with a snarky laugh. “ When Duskull uses disable, the last move your Pokemon used, can’t be used for quite a while.”

“What?!” Anthony said, mystified by the fact that Phanpy’s defense curl was rendered useless.

“This is it!” The girl screamed. “Duskull use night shade to finish off Phanpy!”

Anthony suddenly said, “Phanpy use your rollout attack!”


“Rollout?!” the girl said baffled by the fact that she was going into a trap, since Duskull is using night shade.

Phanpy went into a firm ball, like it would in defense curl, but instead of staying in one place, Phanpy rolled while in a ball, and would tackle the opponent, and the more momentum it picked up from rolling, its power would amplify.

Phanpy dodged the night shade and tackled Duskull with the rollout attack, and was continuing to roll and tackle Duskull again.

The girl was astonished that Anthony had taken control of the battle, but she still had a plan. She yelled with a forceful tone of voice, “ Use confuse ray!”

The confused ray struck Phanpy and Phanpy went out of control rolling at higher speeds, until Phanpy hit a tree and knocked itself unconscious. Anthony was staggered that he lost, as he had almost won his first official Pokemon battle.

“I didn’t expect you to be that strong of a trainer when I saw you battle that Spearow.” The girl said. “You had some good strategies and the timing of the strategies was almost perfect.” “Oh I guess in all of the excitement I forgot to introduce myself.” “My name is Rena.” “What’s your name?”

“Uh, my name is Anthony.” Anthony said.

“Well Anthony I guess your going to be competing in the Pokemon League, right?” Rena said.

“Yea, my brother told me to start out by going to Viridian City.” Anthony said.

“Well here’s what you should do, after u go to Viridian City, go to the Viridian Forest and once you get past the forest, go to Pewter City, and battle this Gym Leader named Brock. You need to win 8 different Gym Badges in order to compete in the Pokemon League. “So this will be your first step, as well as mine.” Rena explained to Anthony.

“Ok, thanks, then after I get to Viridian City, I'm going to go through Viridian Forest and then go to Pewter City to win my first gym badge.” Anthony said with a fiery confidence tone in his voice.”

“Alright then, I guess I’ll see you in the Pokemon League, and if not then, before that, until then, see you later.” Rena said with a smile.

“Bye Rena, remember next time we meet, I'm going to beat you!”

Rena waves and smiles, then walks away, as Anthony goes back to relaxing then moving toward Viridian City.

 

[pathophobe]

Better. Your description of Rena was still crammed together. you had a tense mix-up at the end. Please don't use chatspeak in a story. If you wouldn't do it when writing an essay, don't do it here (grammar wise). Try reading the advice for aspiring authors thread.

 

[The Terror of Death]

ok thanks for the advice pathophobe, still not sure what chat speaking is, do u mean the diologue? anyways heres the 3rd chap and the longest one by far.

Chapter 3. Viridian Forest

After Anthony’s encounter with his newest rival Rena, he went toward Viridian City, and stopped at the Pokemon Center.

“Why hello there, what can I do for you?” The nurse asked Anthony.

“Can you heal my Phanpy, he’s kind of wore out from this battle I just had.” Anthony explained to the nurse.

“Sure no problem, why don’t you go take a walk for a while and come back later when Phanpy’s all done?” The nurse suggested.

“Umm…okay, then I’ll be back later for Phanpy.” Anthony said. “Bye”

Anthony walked out of the Pokemon Center and noticed that there was a shop selling supplies for traveling trainers just down the road from the Pokemon Center. Anthony walked into the Pokemon shop, and went to browse to see what they had. Anthony noticed that they carried pokeballs, which he could use since he only had the five his brother gave him.

“Alright, I think I'm going to get three pokeballs” Anthony said to the shop clerk.

“Hmm…are you sure?” The clerk asked. “Your going through the Viridian Forest, aren’t you not?”

“Yep, I have to, to get to Pewter City to win my first badge.” Anthony explained to the clerk.

“Well then, might I suggest buying some antidotes?” The clerk suggested.

“Huh, why?” Anthony said confused.

“Well because Viridian Forest is infected with tons of bug Pokemon. If you go inside there unprepared, one of your Pokemon could get poisoned, and horribly ill.” The clerk explained the Anthony.

“Oh okay. Then I guess I should get some antidotes just incase.” Anthony said to the clerk.

So Anthony bought two pokeballs and three antidotes.

Anthony walked out of the shop and Anthony thought to himself, “maybe I didn’t need more pokeballs…since I bought the antidotes too, I spent all of my money…”

Anthony looked up and heard Pokemon noises. He ran to where he heard the source of the noises, which was near this body of water. Two trainers were battling each other with water Pokemon.

“Your going down Steve!” This boy said across the pond.

“Your going down Cody!” Steve yelled with an excited tone in his voice.

Anthony looked closer at what was going on when he got closer to the pond. He looked around at the pond and didn’t see anything unusual. Then all of a sudden a Poliwag a blue tadpole Pokemon with a clockwise swirl on its belly and a Krabby a tiny red crab Pokemon both jumped out of the water and into the air.

“Poliwag, use your water gun attack!” Cody commanded!

“Poliii” Poliwag said as he shot concentrated water out of his mouth like a hose toward Krabby.

“Krabby quick, use harden to decrease the damage and then use stomp attack on Poliwag.” Steve said.

Krabby used Harden to give himself an extra amount of defense and took the attack head-on, but it hardly did any damage not only due to the hardens defense increase, but also because water attacks hardly do any damage against water Pokemon. Cody was stunned that his Poliwag’s strongest attack failed him.

“Koki Koki” Krabby said as he lunged toward Poliwag with one foot sticking out. Krabby’s stomp attack hit its mark with a critical hit. Poliwag was knocked unconscious as he flew back and landed near Cody.

“Are you okay Poliwag?” Cody asked. He got no response from Poliwag.

“Krabby, return!” Steve said, A red straight beam came out of the pokeball and hit Krabby. Krabby shined a luminous red light and shrank as he went inside the pokeball.

“Well, Poliwag return!” Cody said with a gloomy voice.

“Is Poliwag okay Cody?” Steve asked Cody concerned about Poliwag.

“Yeah, Poliwag’s fine, just need to take him to the Pokemon Center.” Cody said with a cheerful voice, trying to hide his gloomy tone.

Anthony walked up to Steve and Cody, introduced himself and started to talk to them about their battle.

“That was an amazing battle you guys!” Anthony said astounded.

“ It was nothing.” Cody said with a cocky voice.

“We do battles like this everyday to train our Pokemon so they will get strong enough to get past Viridian Forest.” Steve explained to Anthony.

“Huh?” Anthony said puzzled. “Is going through the Viridian Forest that hard?”

“Well I heard some rumors about the forest.” Cody said to Anthony. “There is this one Pokemon that defeats all the traveling trainers, its super strong!” Cody said with an unsure voice.

“Has anyone ever seen this Pokemon?” Anthony asked.

“Well Steve said he saw it once when he was gathering berries.” Cody said.

“Huh, what did it look like Steve?” Anthony asked.

“It looked pretty big.” Steve said. “I couldn’t make what Pokemon it was because it was in a shadowy part of the forest, but from what I could out, it had huge horns, with spikes on them.” “It also had red eyes and make loud noises like it was cutting something.” “Sorry that it wasn’t a good enough description for you Anthony.”

“Nah, that’s all I needed to know.” Anthony Said. At least I have a basic idea of what it looks like and how to fight it.” “Hopefully Phanpy will be able to beat it.” Anthony whispered.

“Well most likely it’s a bug Pokemon, so you should try some fire based attacks or some ice attacks.” Cody explained to Anthony.

Anthony with a unpleased face said, “ Phanpy doesn’t know any fire or ice attacks…” “Okay, well I'm going to head back to the Pokemon Center now, I'm sure Phanpy’s back in fighting condition.” “So I’ll see you two later hopefully.” Anthony said to Steve and Cody as he ran towards the Pokemon Center.

Anthony arrived at the Pokemon Center and right as he walked in, his stomach started to growl. So before he went to pick up Phanpy, he went to get something to eat inside the Pokemon Center. He got a cheeseburger to hold him over and then walked up to the receptionist desk.

“Is Phanpy fully recovered yet?” He asked the nurse.

“Why yes, Phanpy recovered quite some time ago.” The nurse replied.

“Okay, thanks for taking care of Phanpy.” “Well I got to go so I can continue to Pewter City, so bye.” Anthony said with a friendly smile.

“Bye, be safe when you’re going through Viridian Forest.” The nurse warned Anthony.

“Don’t Worry I will.” Anthony said with confidence.

Anthony walked out of the Pokemon Center and towards Route 2. He saw some Rattata, tiny purple mouse Pokemon running across the fields. Anthony eventually came up to a sign that said, “Viridian Forest, beware of bug Pokemon.” Anthony walked into the vast dark, gloomy forest. He looked around to see if he saw any Pokemon that fit the description Steve gave him. All Anthony saw were Caterpies, Metapods, Weedles, and Kakunas. He walked further into the forest when he came upon a Pokemon that lookayed like a huge ladybug. It was a Ledyba! Ledyba are Anthony’s mom’s favorite Pokemon. So Anthony thought he should catch it since it would be a constant reminder of his mom, just like Phanpy with Rob.

Anthony yelled out, “go Phanpy!” Phanpy came out of the pokeball rearing to go after being fully healed at the Pokemon Center. “Alright Phanpy, we’re going to try to catch that Ledyba!”

“Phan phan!” Phanpy replied.

“Phanpy, go use your tackle attack!” Phanpy ran towards the Ledyba and charged it with full force. Ledyba flew out of the way and got angry. Ledyba used its comet punch on Phanpy and knocked Phanpy back into a tree and put a dent in the tree.

“Phanpy use your rollout attack!” Anthony shouted. Phanpy went into a ball and started to roll and pick up momentum. Ledyba got hit by Phanpy’s rollout attack and took a lot of damage.

“Oh yeah, I forgot that rollout is a rock attack and rock attacks are powerful against bug Pokemon!” Anthony remembered.

Phanpy picked up more speed, which means that the rollout attack would be even more powerful than the last. Phanpy was just about to hit Ledyba when Ledyba used an attack that made a super high-pitched noise, which is called supersonic.

The supersonic attack made Phanpy confused and Phanpy started to go out of control while during the rollout attack just like in the battle with Rena. Phanpy was rolling all over the place and the fact they were in the forest didn’t help the chances of Phanpy rolling into a tree. Ledyba then used its comet punch to send Phanpy flying into the air towards Anthony. Phanpy collided with Anthony and Anthony was injured. The wild Ledyba that Anthony saw flew away deeper in the forest. Anthony sprayed Phanpy with a potion and put Phanpy back into its pokeball. Anthony then started to walk deeper in the forest just hoping he would get out of there in one piece. Anthony heard a noise coming from a bush. “Who’s there?!” Anthony said with shivers in this voice. A wild Caterpie came out of the bushes and Anthony was relieved it was only a Caterpie. All of a sudden Anthony saw a Pidgeotto flying towards him and he was clueless on what to do, so he just stood there. “AHH!” Anthony shouted. The wild Pidgeotto pasted Anthony and picked up the caterpie in its long sharp beak. “Whew, I thought that Pidgeotto was coming after me…luckily it was just after that caterpie.” Anthony said in relief.

Anthony continued to walk through Viridian Forest. “Man, it seems like I'm getting nowhere in this place…”Anthony thought. “And I still haven’t seen this so called “ Super strong Pokemon.” “Maybe it was just a silly rumor…oh well I’ll worry about it when I come across it I guess.” Anthony said in a laid back manner.

All of a sudden, Anthony heard what seems to be Ledyba’s voice and it sounded in pain. Anthony ran to where Ledyba’s voice was coming from and it was in pain. “Are you okay?” Anthony said. Ledyba looked at Anthony and feel unconscious. “Wait who did this to u?” Anthony asked ledyba. Anthony heard a noise of two metals colliding with one another. Anthony looked behind him to realize that the Pokemon was a Pinsir. Anthony thought to himself, “Wait, a Pinsir does fit the description Steve gave me.” *Flashback to what Steve said, “huge horns, with spikes on them.” “Also it had red eyes and make loud noises like it was cutting something. *

“Heh, alright, well time to see how strong you really are Pinsir.” Anthony said in an excited tone. “Go Phanpy!” Phanpy came out still a little confused from that supersonic attack from Ledyba. “Phanpy, I know you’re still a little weak from that battle with Ledyba, but I have a feeling we’re still going to be able to win.” Anthony said to Phanpy trying to boasts its morale. “Phanpy, use your rollout attack!” Anthony shouted. “Phan Phan” Phanpy said before conducting its rollout attack. Phanpy started its rollout attack slow, but as time went on, Phanpy’s speed increased. Pinsir knew what was coming, so he prepared an endure attack. Pinsir took a lot of damage, but that’s to the endure, so it didn’t make Pinsir faint.

Pinsir started to go on the offensive and used its focus energy attack, which increases the chance of a critical hit. After Pinsir used the focus energy, he used his Brick Break attack and Phanpy took a direct hit.

“Phanpy are you okay?” Anthony asked as Phanpy was lying on the ground trying to get up. Phanpy struggled to get up, as he didn’t want to let Anthony down. Phanpy got up and was barely stand as he could’ve collapsed at any moment. “Phanpy lets try a rollout one more time” Anthony said. Phanpy started to use rollout. “Phanpy before you attack Pinsir, try to pick up as much speed as possible.” Anthony shouted to Phanpy. Phanpy picked up a tremendous amount of speed and was heading toward Pinsir. “Wait, I bet Pinsir is expecting a head on attack… so maybe Phanpy should use an indirect approach. “But what could Phanpy do…?” Anthony thought. “Wait! That’s it!” “Phanpy, go up that log laying in the ground!” Anthony shouted. Phanpy rolled up the log and was spinning in the air. “Phanpy, use an aerial rollout!” Phanpy came down on Pinsir with full force. Pinsir was knocked back into a tree and broke the tree in half and fell unconscious.


Anthony quickly went to Ledyba and sprayed a potion on it to heal its injuries. Ledyba opened its eyes faintly to see Anthony taking care of it. “Alright, you should be good to go Ledyba,” Anthony said.

“Ledyyy baa,” Ledyba said to Anthony. “Hmm…I guess that means u want to challenge me and Phanpy Ledyba?” Anthony asked puzzled yet excited at the same time. Ledyba nodded its head and got some distance between Anthony and Phanpy. “Hmm… Phanpy is still exhausted from his battle with Pinsir, but Ledyba should still be tired even though I healed it, so the match so be pretty even.” Anthony said to himself. “All I have to look out for is that supersonic attack.”

Ledyba flew towards Phanpy with a tackle attack. “Quick Phanpy, use your tackle attack to counter Ledyba’s!” Anthony shouted. “Phan Phan.” Phanpy said. Phanpy’s and Ledyba’s head collided with one another and both flew back due to the recoil. “Alright Phanpy, try your rollout attack!” Anthony commanded.
Phanpy spun towards Ledyba when Anthony could tell that Ledyba was about to use its supersonic attack. Anthony kept on looking around seeing if there was any possible way for Phanpy to dodge the supersonic attack and he remembered that he taught Phanpy a new move.

*Flashback to when Anthony was teaching Phanpy the new move. * “Phanpy, since there’s this so called “super powerful Pokemon,” I think it would be best if you learned an attack that’s not only used for defense, but offense.” Anthony explained. “Phan?” Phanpy said confused. “All you have to do it dig a hole underground then pop up and tackle the opponent.” Anthony stated. Phanpy started to practice digging holes and eventually mastered the move. Phanpy's hoofs were all muddy and worn out.

Ledyba launched its supersonic attack and then Anthony shouted, “Phanpy use your dig attack!” Phanpy quickly dug a hole with its hoofs. The supersonic pasted the spot where Phanpy once was and hit a nearby tree. Ledyba confused where Phanpy is, was looking around trying to navigate where Phanpy is going to pop out and strike. “Phanpy now!!!” Anthony shouted with an energized voice. Phanpy popped out of the ground to the left of Ledyba. Ledyba quickly flew up and dodged the attack. Anthony realized that dig was a ground type move and ground type moves have no affect on flying types; since Ledyba is part bug, part flying. “Oh well, at least Phanpy can dodge that supersonic attack.” Anthony said looking on the bright side.

Ledyba went to use its comet punch, but Anthony quickly commanded Phanpy to use defense curl. Ledyba punched relentlessly and Phanpy was just lying there in a ball, unable to do anything. “If this continues, Phanpy's going to lose…”Anthony thought. Ledyba stopped the barrage of punches seeing that Phanpy wasn’t moving at all. “Phanpy are you okay?” Anthony asked concerned about Phanpy. Phanpy struggled to get up and could barely stand on its four legs. “By the looks of it, Phanpy only has enough energy to use tackle once more.” Anthony thought. “So I better make this last attack count.”

Phanpy was just standing there, waiting for Anthony’s command. Ledyba was just hovering in the air analyzing how to take down Phanpy. “Phanpy quick use your tackle attack on Ledyba using the rest of your strength!” Anthony finally shouted. Ledyba was charging Phanpy with a tackle attack of its own. Phanpy and Ledyba both hit each other and flew back. Phanpy could barely stand and Ledyba didn’t have enough energy to fly. “! This is my chance!” Anthony thought. “Pokeball go!” Anthony yelled. Anthony whirled the pokeball towards Ledyba. The pokeball hit Ledyba and Ledyba went inside of the pokeball. The pokeball was shaking and Anthony was hoping that he had finally caught Ledyba. The ball stopped shaking and Anthony wondered if he actually caught Ledyba. “… I did it!” Anthony screamed at the top of his voice. “I caught my first Pokemon!” Anthony shrunk the pokeball by pressing the button in the middle of it and put it in his pouch. “Phanpy return!” Anthony said. “Thank you Phanpy for helping me catch Ledyba, no matter how much pain you went through you never gave up on me.” Anthony said looking at the Phanpy's pokeball and smiled. Anthony then continued to walk through Viridian Forest hoping he’s almost through.

 

[Beast is Holy]

Its pretty good. But dont forget to seperate different dialouges when someone else starts to speak. Other than that, pretty good first few chapters for your first fic

 

[The Terror of Death]

Beast is Holy- ok thanks im glad you liked it, in my next chapter i'll remember to separate different diologues for different people. Chapter 4 should be up soon just to let everyone know

 

[Divinity_123]

It is good. I love the way you use UU pokemon unlike me who uses OU! LOLZ! That's good. But seriously, don't make the guy too weak. It is original IMO. I'll give you an in depth review later. Alright? Good luck with your fic.

 

[pathophobe]

Well, by chatspeak I mean using "u" instead of "you", those kind of things. For your attack descriptions, don't say "X used tackle." Rather say something along the lines of " X lunged at his awaiting opponent." A pokemon wouldn't "use" an attack, but do the action asscociated with the attack. The descriptions are better. keep working on lengthening the chapters.

 

[The Terror of Death]

Divinity_123- im glad you liked it, dont worry, im not gonna make anthony too weak, in the future he'll get better pokemon and evolutions and ok whenever you do the long review is fine with me.

pathophobe- oh ok, yea i noticed that sometimes i accidently used U instead of you, but now i have it so i type U, it'll change into you. im working on making my descriptions better and not cramped together and i think my first 2 chaps were about 3 pages and my 3rd was 6 1/2 pages so i think 5-6 pages is pretty good amount of pages for a chapter IMO.

Anyways here chapter 4 everybody:

Chapter 4. Arrival at Pewter City

Anthony kept walking through the Viridian Forest with Phanpy and his newest companion Ledyba. Anthony saw a distant light coming from ahead. He rushed to the light he was attracted to. Anthony came to a complete stop as he looked ahead and finally saw something other than continuous trees.

“This must be it.” Anthony said to himself. “I finally made it to Pewter City.”

Anthony ran towards Pewter City eagerly ready to challenge the gym leader and win his first badge. But first he ran to the Pokemon center so Phanpy and Ledyba will be in top condition to battle the Pewter City gym leader. Anthony walked into the Pokemon Center and dropped off Phanpy and Ledyba. Anthony then walked out of the Pokemon Center and into the shop down the street.

“Hmm…since I don’t have any money and I didn’t use any of the antidotes, maybe I should sell them.” Anthony thought.

“I would like to sell these three antidotes.” Anthony said to the store clerk.

“Ok young man, here you go.” The clerk said as he handed over money to Anthony.

“Thanks a bunch.” Anthony said to the clerk.

Anthony thought he wouldn’t need any other supplies with him, so he left the shop and walked around to waste time until Phanpy and Ledyba were healed. Anthony wandered around Pewter City and came across a Pokemon Museum. Anthony had to check it out to learn information about ancient Pokemon. So Anthony walked into the museum and the museum vendor said to Anthony, “In order for you to come in, you have to buy a ticket.”

“Whew, luckily I sold those antidotes for some money.” Anthony thought to himself.

Anthony bought a ticket and started to check out the exhibits. He saw fossils of ancient Pokemon like Kabuto, Kabutops, Omanyte, and Omastar. Anthony was amazed that there were still fossils of these ancient Pokemon. All of a sudden, the entire museum lost its electricity, but the emergency back up lights came on, and there were four burglars. Anthony ran to the front desk and asked, “what’s going on?!”

“It appears someone is trying to steal the ancient Pokemon fossils.” The owner of the museum said.

“Don’t worry I’ll handle them.” Anthony said as he reached for his pokeballs in his pouch. “Crap! I forgot I dropped off Phanpy and Ledyba at the Pokemon Center.” Anthony said thinking out loud.

Anthony took a closer look at the situation. There were four burglars wearing black uniforms with a huge red R on them. They were using Koffing’s smog attack and smokescreen. All of the workers were unconscious due to the lack of air in the museum. Anthony’s eyes started to burn due to the smokescreen attack. Anthony got down behind the front desk and was thinking of a plan on what to do.

“No, that’s no good.” Anthony thought to himself continuously thinking of different plans.”

“Heh, this is too easy,” one of the burglars in black said.

“Team Rocket is going to be invincible once we revive all of these ancient Pokemon!” Another Burglar said.

“Wait, Team Rocket?” Anthony said, thinking about where he has heard that name before. “Isn’t Team Rocket a evil corporation that does crimes with Pokemon?” Anthony said.

“Alright we got all of the fossils, now its time to go!” A Team Rocket member said to his companions.

“Wait!” A Team Rocket member quickly said. “We don’t have that Old Amber we were told to definitely bring back to the boss.”

“Hmm…I don’t see it anywhere.” Another Team Rocket member said.

“It has to be here somewhere, keep looking!” The Team Rocket lieutenant commanded.

Anthony scared out of his mind, with no Pokemon and don’t know what to do, is frozen. All of a sudden someone says, “Team Rocket, stop what your doing!”

Anthony looked over the counter of the desk and could barely see who said that. Anthony squinted his eyes and could make out that the person had spiky hair.

The mystery trainer yelled out, “Go, Zangoose!” Anthony, who could barely see, wondered what was going on.

“Huh, Whose there?!” The Team Rocket Lieutenant yelled.

“Zangoose, use your razor wind attack.” The mysterious trainer said calmly. Zangoose charged up and released a barrage of gusts from its claws and blew the smog and smokescreen away.

“Guys, someone is trying to stop us, lets show him whose boss!” The Team Rocket lieutenant screamed.

“Heh, only four…this isn’t going to be a challenge at all.” The mysterious trainer said.

Now being able to see, Anthony looked at the trainer and noticed he had a blue cloak around his body, as the cloak was moving as a result of Zangoose’s razor wind.

“Huh, its only a kid!” The lieutenant said. “Get him now!”

“Koffing, use your sludge attack!” The three Rocket Grunts commanded.

Koffing shot toxins out of his mouth that could poison Zangoose.

“Zangoose…dodge.” The boy said.

Zangoose hastily dodged after his master’s command.

“Zangoose, take all of those Koffing’s down with your icy wind.” The boy commanded.

Zangoose shot winds and shards of ice at a temperature around ten degrees Fahrenheit. All three of the Koffing’s frozen and the three rocket grunts called them back into their pokeballs.

“Not bad for just a kid.” The lieutenant said to the boy, as the boy’s long black hair was flowing with the wind.

The boy got made a smirk towards the rocket lieutenant and said, “That was just child’s play.”

The Team Rocket lieutenant was getting very annoyed at the boys cockiness and said, “fine well its now your turn to get a taste of your own medicine, go Rhyhorn!”

The Pokemon that came out had lots of spikes and a huge horn on the tip of its nose. Rhyhorn looked like it was about to charge Zangoose as it was beginning to move its hind legs back and forth.

“Heh, if that’s all you got then this is going to be over instant.” The boy explained to the rocket lieutenant. “Zangoose use your icy wind!” Zangoose shot icy winds and freezing ice shards at Rhyhorn.

“You’re going to have to do better than that!” The rocket lieutenant said. “Rhyhorn use protect!” Rhyhorn created an impenetrable barrier that could stop any attack. The icy wind collided with the barrier and Rhyhorn didn’t take any damage.

“Not bad, I wasn’t expecting a protect attack.” The boy said to the rocket lieutenant. “But now it’s time to finish you off, Zangoose use your swords dance!”

Zangoose started to glow a red aura and his claws got sharper. “Now Zangoose use your iron tail since you’re powered up from the swords dance!” The boy commanded. Zangoose tail started to shine a metallic color and as Zangoose was charging Rhyhorn, the metallic color began glowing indicating it was becoming stronger. Zangoose jumped into the air, and flung its metallic tail into Rhyhorn’s head and knocked Rhyhorn into the rocket lieutenant.

“Zangoose, return.” The boy said as he walked up to the four Team Rocket members. “Well I guess you lost, so why don’t you just hand over the ancient fossils and go back to your headquarters.

“Err…you won’t get away with this…your going to be one of Team Rockets top ten target trainers.”

The four Team Rocket members ran away out of Pewter City. Anthony was amazed how skilled that boy was. But before Anthony could ask him his name, the mysterious boy vanished without a trace.

“Hoho…boy can I ask you a favor?” The museum owner asked Anthony.

“Uh…sure, what do you need?” Anthony politely asked the owner.

“I would like to give you this Old Amber fossil as a result of saving the museum.” The owner said to Anthony as he handed over the Old Amber.

“Huh, I wasn’t the one…” Anthony tried to say, but got interrupted.

“Don’t be modest…you saved the museum, it’s the least I can do.” The owner said with a smile.

Anthony shook his head and thought, “Oh well, might as well take it, I mean it must be important if Team Rocket wanted it that bad.”

Anthony then left the museum and went to the Pokemon Center and picked up Phanpy and Ledyba. “Alright time to challenge the Pewter City gym leader. Anthony walked up to the gym and realized there was a sign on the front door that said, “Sorry we are temporarily closed for challenges, due to the reconstruction of the battlefield. The battlefield should be up by tomorrow, so come back to challenge me.” At the bottom of the sign, it was signed by Brock.

Anthony was disappointed about the battlefield reconstruction and that his challenge was postponed until the next day. “Wait, could that boy who stopped the robbery at the Pokemon museum, challenged Brock, beat him, and in the process, destroyed the battlefield?” Anthony thought to himself.

Anthony then walked to the Pokemon Center and walked up to the nurse and asked, “Do you think I could sleep here tonight?”

“Sure, I don’t see any problems with it, lots of trainers spend the night at Pokemon Centers, so don’t worry about it.” The nurse told Anthony.

“Ok, thanks a lot nurse.” Anthony said.

The nurse gave Anthony sheets and covers to put over the couch in the lounge of the Pokemon Center. Anthony kept wondering about that mysterious trainer and if he would ever see him again. Before Anthony went to bed, he called his mom, since he forgot to in Viridian City.

*Phone rings* “Hey mom.” Anthony said.

“Hi honey, you finally made it to Viridian City?” Anthony’s mom asked him.

“Well actually I'm in Pewter City, something kind of happened in Viridian City, so I forgot to call.” Anthony explained.

“Wow, you’re in Pewter City? Anthony’s mom said in an excited voice. That’s pretty impressive Anthony.”

“Yeah, well I'm going to go to bed now mom, so I’ll call you later.” Anthony told his mom.

“Okay, bye Anthony, remember to be safe.” Anthony’s mom said to him.

“Don’t worry I will, bye.” Anthony said as he turned off the phone.

Anthony then got something to eat and then went to bed on the blue couch, still wondering about that trainer.

 

[Divinity_123]

Y'know, to make the chapters seem longer, fuse two chapters in to one and try to extend. Make something simple like forgeting to change your pyjamas a couple of paragraphs long. LOLZ. Write what Anthony and his pokemon are thinking.

Good Luck.

P.S. Review my fic! PLEASE!!!

 

[The Terror of Death]

Divinity_123- well this chapter was like 6 pages, so i think thats a decent amount of pages for a chapter, but i'll keep your advice in mind incase i start to write something, but dont know what to add. ^_^ and thanks and i'll review your fan fic.

 

[The Terror of Death]

ok guys, heres chapter 5, so enjoy:

Chapter 5. The Rock Master

Anthony, still asleep, is dreaming about his battle with Brock.

“Phanpy use your rollout!” Anthony commanded.

Phanpy started to roll towards a shadowy image in a shape of a boulder and right when it made contact the shadow disappeared. Phanpy then rolled back in front of Anthony.

Another shadowy figure appear, but this one looked like a giant serpent.

Anthony completely freaked out the size of the giant shadowy serpent-looking figure, he yelled, “Phanpy return!”

Phanpy then returned into his pokeball and Anthony reached for another pokeball in his pouch shaking scared and said, “ Go Ledyba!”

Ledyba then came out of the pokeball flying above Anthony and took a look at the huge shadow and was trembling.

“Ledyba use your comet punch!” Anthony yelled.

Ledyba then charged the shadowy figure, hesitated when it got close to it and then punched it rapidly and continuously. The shadowy figure then knocked Ledyba back with its huge tail. Ledyba flew back and hit the wall and fell unconscious.

“Foolish trainer…did you think you really had a chance against me?” Brock said. “I am the ultimate rock Pokemon trainer!”

Anthony then sprung up as he realized it was only a dream. “I doubt that dream had any connection with the match I'm going to have today.” Anthony thought to himself still thinking about that dream.

Anthony then walked out of the Pokemon Center and walked towards the Pewter City gym. Anthony noticed that the reconstruction sign wasn’t on the door anymore. As Anthony went to open the door, his hand started shaking. Anthony opened the door as it was making a creaking noise while opening. Anthony hesitated before walking in.

“I…umm…came to challenge Brock for a Boulder Badge.” Anthony said with a hesitant voice.

“Fine, then go into the right corner of the battlefield.” Brock told Anthony.

“Seems kind of plain to be a battlefield.” Anthony said in confusion. “So much for reconstruction.”

The battlefield looked like a normal battlefield, no special terrain or anything. But all of sudden the battlefield went underground and a new battlefield started to come out of the ground.

“Huh, what’s going on?!” Anthony thought to himself.

The battlefield that was rising had boulders everywhere, a rocky ground, and slabs of granite all around it.

“This will be a two on two Pokemon battle.” Brock explained to Anthony. “You’re allowed to substitute your Pokemon, but I may not.

“Okay, well that’s good for me.” Anthony thought to himself.

“Let the match begin!” Brock screamed. “Go Geodude!”

The Pokemon Brock released looked like a huge floating boulder with a face and arms.

Anthony thinking back to his dream, he thought if he used Phanpy right away, that the battle might actually be just like the dream, so he reached for Ledyba’s pokeball instead. “Go Ledyba!” Anthony yelled.

The first match was Geodude versus Ledyba.

“Alright Geodude start off with your mega punch!” Brock ordered Geodude.

Geodude’s fist began to glow a powerful bright aura. Geodude then charged Ledyba and pulled back his fist and pushed forward with great force.

Anthony finally realizes what was going on, quickly yelled, “Ledyba use your supersonic!”

Ledyba shot out an ear-piercing noise that made Geodude temporarily confused and caused his fist to turn left instead of straight into Ledyba.

“Whew, that was close.” Anthony said. “Ledyba use your comet punch!”

Ledyba’s four out of six fists began to glow and he rapidly punched Geodude. Geodude who had hardly flinched, regained his consciousness after being confused, and hit Ledyba with the mega punch. Ledyba flew past Anthony and right into the wall of the room. Anthony quickly went to check to see if Ledyba was ok, but Ledyba was down for the count just from one attack from Geodude.

Geodude then began to shine a bright light and began to change shape. The more he changed shape, the brighter the light became. The light then ceased and Geodude changed into a completely different Pokemon. This Pokemon resembled Geodude, but wasn’t as small. He was rather large compared to Geodude, with many protrusions all over its surface.

Anthony then called back Ledyba and was relieved because there was no Pokemon evolving in his dream.

“You should quit now.” Brock proposed to Anthony. “Graveler is much stronger than Geodude and your last Pokemon just got hit once and was knocked out, you don’t stand a chance.”

“We’ll see about that.” Anthony said to Brock with a grin. “Now that this isn’t what happened in the dream, I can actually battle with my full potential.” Anthony thought to himself. Anthony then reached for this second pokeball and yelled, “Go Phanpy!”

Phanpy looked around and was sniffing the battlefield. “Huh?” Anthony said. “Phanpy you’re not going to find anything interesting on the battlefield!” Anthony blurted out.

“Graveler finish them off now, use rollout!” Brock commanded. Graveler then started to pick up more momentum due to the rock field and was aiming straight toward Phanpy.

“Phanpy use your rollout!” Anthony shouted, as it was the first attack to come to his mind. Phanpy then also started to pick up speed due to the rock field and was rolling straight at Graveler.

Phanpy and Graveler both collided into each other forcing each other back, but Phanpy got his bearings back at the last second as Graveler flew into a slab of granite and slide across the rocky terrain.

“Err…not bad.” Brock said as he was calling back Graveler. “Now the fun really starts, go Onix!” Brock threw the pokeball and a giant Pokemon made up a several boulders came out.

Anthony stared into the giant rock snake Pokemon’s eyes and realized that the huge shadowy serpent looking Pokemon was actually Onix. Anthony then didn’t know what to do. He was afraid that now matter what he would do, it wouldn’t do any good against Onix.

Anthony then realized that Onix was on the offensive and that Brock had told Onix to use rock tomb. Onix hurled four large boulders and threw them toward Phanpy, so they would land around Phanpy. Now that Phanpy was trapped and didn’t have anywhere to go, Brock yelled out, “Onix, use your Iron tail!” Onix’s tail then began to glow a metallic color and as he went to swing his tail back, his tail began to shine brighter. Onix then hurled his shining tail with great force and obliterated the four rocks. When the dust and powder subsided, there was no sign of Phanpy.

“Heh, it seems like Phanpy was annihilated in that last attack.” Brock said with an apathetic voice.

“Are you sure about that Brock?” Anthony said smiling.

“What do you mean? There’s no sign of Phanpy anywhere.” Brocks said dumbfound.

Phanpy popped out of the ground, smashing into Onix’s rock hard head. Onix’s head flew back and came back forward giving Phanpy a menacing stare.

“You got lucky that time, but this time I'm really going to finish this battle!” Brock said in a wicked voice. “Onix use Iron Tail!”

Onix’s tail then began to glow metallic once again and swung his tail towards Phanpy.

“Quick, Phanpy use your defense curl!” Anthony shouted.

Phanpy quickly went into a firm ball right before Onix’s iron tail hit. Onix sent Phanpy soaring into the air and as Phanpy was in the air, Anthony shouted, “Phanpy use your rollout attack!”

Phanpy then started to spin in the air and landed on the ground thus giving Phanpy more velocity thanks to Onix striking Phanpy when he was in defense curl. Phanpy then started progressing towards Onix with great speed and then used a bump on the rocky terrain to get airborne. Phanpy then was aiming straight towards Onix’s head. Phanpy then crashed into Onix’s head and Onix collapsed into the rocks and granite on the battlefield.

“Onix are you okay?!” Brock said concerned.

Onix struggled to get up, but due to the heaviness of Onix’s body, Onix couldn’t get enough strength to move.

“Well I guess there’s no denying it, Onix is unable to battle, so you win the match Anthony.” Brock said in a cheerful voice as he walked over to give Anthony the Boulder Badge. “That battle was almost as tough as yesterdays match.”

“Wait, why was the battlefield being reconstructed yesterday?” Anthony asked Brock curiously.

“During a gym battle yesterday, a trainer who used a Zangoose destroyed the battlefield by using his iron tail attack combined with his swords dance attack to increase the power of iron tail.” Brock explained to Anthony.

“Do you remember that trainer’s name at all?” Anthony asked Brock.

“His name was Danny, a trainer from Pallet Town.” Brock said.

“He’s from the same hometown as me?!” Anthony said shocked about the discovery of Danny’s hometown.

“Well if you challenge him you better be careful, he’s an exceptional trainer.” Brock warned Anthony.

“Don’t worry, the next time Danny and I meet, I'm going to be a lot stronger.” Anthony said confidently. “Well see you later Brock.” Anthony said as he was walking away from Brock and walking towards the exit of the gym.

“Bye Anthony, good luck.” Brock said as he was waving goodbye.

 

[Divinity_123]

Eh, this chapter, you could've made it like 10 pages easy. How about actually putting in some sub plots and make chapter 5 divided into two parts. No? Well, it is also good to have a chapter directory so we (your readers) know/expect what's going to happen unless of course, you don't want to spoil anything.

Anthony, still asleep, is dreaming about his battle with Brock.

Try; Anthony was still sleeping--dreaming about the immense battle with the infamous rock hard gym leader; Brock.

Another shadowy figure appear, but this one looked like a giant serpent.

Anthony completely freaked out the size of the giant shadowy serpent-looking figure, he yelled, “Phanpy return!”

Could that be Onix^^^! Remeber, description is your BF (Best friend not bboy friend! LOLZ) Is there any reason why he recalled Phanpy, can you tell us his emotions were when he was sleeping?


And, it makes sense to wait fix up the chapters; rather than just posting all the chapters in a minute (exaggerating) Let a few ppl review, then you post. People get tired of reading a whole blob of text so, yeah...

 

[pathophobe]

Still some tense problems. Divinity is right. You could've easily made this much longer. Describe the field changing more. was the field silently changing or were there lots of harsh, scratching noises. Describe the pokemon better. What colour was the geodude. Blue? Red? Hot neon pink? I'm also confused on the rival change. Can you explain that to me.

Onix struggled to get up, but due to the heaviness of Onix’s body, Onix couldn’t get enough strength to move.

Not grammaticly wrong, but use pronouns.
You're getting better. Work on descripition and length. (I sound like a broken record, but you still need to work on these things.)

 

[The Terror of Death]

Divinity_123 -thanks for the advice, im not really a big fan of writing stuff, so thats why i dont write like 10-12 pages per chapter, sure its longer, but longer isnt always better. I like to stick around 5-6 pages per chapter so its long, but not too long so people will not look at it and say, " its too long, i dont feel like reading it."

pathophobe- lol ur not sounding like a broken record, im glad u keep on telling me to work on description and a little bit of length, so i'll get better, just like u said i am. Oh and for the rival change, i thought Rena wasnt that good of a rival and the way i introduced Danny(newest rival) i thought he would've made a better rival, but rena will still come back, just not as an important character like Danny. hope this helps clear up a little confusion. ^_^

 

[Divinity_123]

Hey, who said you couldn't have 2 rivals? My character has three!!! Yeah, you'll improve lots. Just don't post all your chappies soo quickly.

 

[The Terror of Death]

Divinity_123- lol yea, im going to start chapter 6 tomorrow and it shouldnt be done till about weds with school and all, so thats plenty of time there ^_^

 

[sceptilianmaster]

And um I think you meant Rock Tomb instead of Sand Tomb. Just wanted to point that out.

 

[The Terror of Death]

sceptilianmaster- yea i meant rock tomb, for some reason i put sand tomb without realizing it. thanks for pointing that out ^_^