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And so begins the adventurefully awesome sequel to an awesome adventure story. I like this so far.
So, is Jack going to be going on an adventureful adventure in the Awesome of Awesomeness by himself? Or is he going to get an adventurefully awesome companion in this story like how he traveled with the narrator in the Adventure of Adventureness? And when are you and the Chapter Title Guy gonna show up?
Now, let the uncontrollable laughter begin.
"Cheeseball."
"Now I remember!" exclaimed Oak triumphantly. "His name is Cheeseball!"
In my LG version, I actually nicknamed the rival "Loser". "Pokemon Champion Loser would like to battle!" That never gets old.
Jack was walking along Route 1. He had retrieved his entire team with the exception of Rayquaza from the PC. As he was bored, Jack took out his Pokédex and began looking through it.
At some point. It'll take a while for me or the chapter title guy to appear in person, as he and I are still in the internet, whereas Jack is in Kanto.
Consider yourself added! And wait no further. I just could not wait to get going on the next chapter.
Chapter 2: A Rival Named Cheeseball
In a flash of light, a small, brown, nondescript bird appeared from the ball thrown by Cheeseball in the previous chapter. Jack held out his Pokédex.
"Pidgey, the Tiny Bird Pokémon. Pidgey does not like to fight. Instead, it will kick up sand to distract enemies so it can make its escape. Wait a minute," continued the Pokédex. "According to my scan, this Pidgey is owned by someone named Cheeseball."
"It's BLUE!" roared Cheeseball.
"WAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!" the Pokédex guffawed. "CHEESEBALL?! Hah! That's hilarious! Ha ha ha, my circuits hurt!"
Choosing to ignore Jack's chuckling Pokédex, Cheeseball continued to address Jack. "OK, Jack, what are you gonna do now, hmm? You see, Pidgey is a Flying-type Pokémon, which has the clear advantage over your Bulbasaur."
In response, Jack pulled a Poké Ball off his belt and tossed it. In a flash of light, a Pokémon came out. And it was not Bulbasaur.
"Uh, dude?" asked Cheeseball. "When did you get a Weezing?"
"Yeah, not so confident now, are you?" sneered Jack.
Pidgey trilled loudly as it flew towards the two-headed Poison Gas Pokémon.
"Weezing, Thunder!"
"Weezing weez," Weezing groaned, as it launched a sizzling bolt of electricity straight at Pidgey. The Tiny Bird stopped in midair and fell to the ground, clearly unconscious.
"Gah!" exclaimed Cheeseball, holding out Pidgey's Poké Ball, while throwing another. "Pidgey, return! Squirtle, go!"
As Squirtle emerged from its ball in a flash of white light, Pidgey returned to its own in a beam of red energy. Jack made the first move.
"OK, Weezing, Sludge attack now!"
"Squirtle! Withdraw!"
Immediately, Squirtle jumped into the air, and pulled its arms, legs, tail, and head into its shell. The shell hit the stone pathway with a "thunk!" Weezing's Sludge hit the shell, and bounced off, went straight up, made an arc in the air, and came back down. Right on Cheeseball's hair.
Over the uproar of his Pokédex's uncontrollable laughter, Jack ordered Weezing to use Thunder once more. Within seconds, Squirtle had fainted. Wordlessly, Cheeseball returned Squirtle to its Poké Ball and ran off, drops of sludge forming a trail behind him.
Still chortling along with his Pokédex, Jack re-entered Viridian City, and soon found himself in front of the same old coot with an apparant caffeine addiction. He was now sipping coffee from a ceramic mug that had been printed with the words, "World's Best NPC". As he lowered the mug, he suddenly noticed Jack. Jack tensed up, ready for another shouting match that never came.
"Oh, it's you!" exclaimed the old man, a little calmer now. "My granddaughter brought me my coffee, just before she went shopping. Now that I gots me my coffee, I feel much better! You can go on through now. And hey, do you know how to catch Pokémon?"
"Actually, I do," said Jack. "I-"
"Nonsense!" interrupted the man. "Never a bad time for a little refresher course! Now watch closely!" With that, the man turned to face a nearby tree, and headbutted it with all his might. Just as Jack started to think that the man just might be crazier with the coffee than without, a small, tan Pokémon fell out of the tree. Jack tensed up; it was a Weedle, and his previous experience with the species wasn't particularly pleasant.
"Now then," said the old man, who had pulled a Poké Ball out of his pocket, "Watch closely. Poké Ball, go!" And none too gracefully, the old man heaved the ball at the Hairy Bug Pokémon, catching it instantly.
"'Course," continued the man after he had retrieved his newly caught Weedle, "You gots to weaken the target first. You ain't gonna get that lucky every time, you know!"
Forcing himself to not roll his eyes, Jack nodded, and walked off to the north.
"Wow, is it just me, or are old people in Kanto really, really crazy?" Jack wondered out loud, as he walked along Route 2.
"Eh," said his Pokédex, "This land is crawling with weird folks. It's not just the old people, either. Let's use Bug Catchers for an example, since we're approaching Viridian Forest. They're obsessed with really, really weak Bug-types, such as Caterpie, Weedle, Metapod, and Kakuna. And they keep them unevolved, though there are some exceptions."
"Wow," said Jack.
"And that's not the worst of it!" the Pokédex continued. "Have you ever talked to any of Professor Oak's aides?"
"No."
"Well, they always respond to whatever you say to them with 'I study Pokémon as Professor Oak's aide'."
"You're kidding."
"Am I? Let's go back to Pallet Town, see for yourself."
Half an hour later, Jack found himself re-entering Professor Oak's laboratory. He went up to one of the scientists, the one reading 'Obtaining Grossly Underleveled Evolved Pokémon For Fun And Profit', by Akshun Reeplae.
"Hey, I'm Jack," said Jack.
The aide looked up, smiled, and replied, "I study Pokémon as Professor Oak's aide."
Jack blinked. "Wow," he said.
"Told ya," said the Pokédex.
"So what's your name?" asked Jack.
"I study Pokémon as Professor Oak's aide."
"What time is it?"
"I study Pokémon as Professor Oak's aide."
"Are you insane?"
"I study Pokémon as Professor Oak's aide."
"If you're stupid, say 'I study Pokémon as Professor Oak's aide.'."
"I study Pokémon as Professor Oak's aide."
"Can I borrow that book?"
"I study Pokémon as Professor Oak's aide," replied the aide as he handed Jack the book.
"Wait!" called Professor Oak, as he came running into the front room. "Is that 'Obtaining Grossly Underleveled Evolved Pokémon For Fun And Profit'?!"
"Yeah," said Jack.
"Keep it, I never liked the thing," said Oak. "Got it for Christmas from Cheeseball three years ago. Used. He said he memorized the whole frickin' thing, kept saying something about the top percentage of Raticate or something or other. I never read it. I'm not too fond of Akshun Reeplae's works."
Thanking the professor, Jack exited the laboratory, and then the town.
Later, Jack was walking through Viridian Forest, engrossed in the book. The front cover read "Obtaining Grossly Underleveled Evolved Pokémon For Fun And Profit: A Trainer's Guide To Gaining An Unfair Advantage. By Akshun Reeplae, bestselling author of 'The Stupid Idiot's Guide To Walking Through Walls', 'Shinies, Shinies Everywhere', and 'Making The Legendary Pokémon Yours: A Step-By-Step Process'."
"Damn, this is good stuff!" exclaimed Jack. After finishing up Chapter 4, he decided to try out what he learned. He focused his gaze on a patch of tall grass, ane mumbled a seemingly nonsensical incantation under his breath, consisting of random numbers and letters. After about five minutes (and seven odd looks from onlooking Bug Catchers), finally something happened. The patch of grass began rustling. Jack grinned, and continued to recite the incantation. The grass began rustling more intensely by the second, until finally, a massive, purple snake slithered out of the grass. Jack recognized this Pokémon, but pointed the Pokédex at it anyway.
"Arbok, the Cobra Pokémon, and the evolved form of Ekans. Arbok frightens opponents with the pattern on its stomach, which vary between regions. It can crush a steel drum by wrapping it with its powerful body."
Acting fast, Jack used his Pokédex to switch up his team, then threw a Poké Ball into the air. "Rayquaza, Hyper Beam it!"
In a flash of light and a dazzling flurry of stars, Jack's Shiny Rayquaza materialized, and for once, was more than happy to obey its master. Shrieking madly, the Sky High Pokémon fired a beam of pure destructive energy, which knocked out Arbok instantly. Jack simultaneously returned Rayquaza to its Poké Ball, and threw an empty Poké Ball at the Arbok. "Poké Ball, go!" called Jack.
The ball struck the unconscious Arbok and sucked it inside. As the ball hit the ground, it began shaking and wobbling. After several seconds of this, the ball was still. Then it vanished. Jack wasn't worried; he knew that his new Arbok had been sent to the PC storage system.
"Wow," said the Pokédex. "I can't believe that worked!"
"Yeah," said Jack, stuffing 'Obtaining Grossly Underleveled Evolved Pokémon For Fun And Profit' into his backpack. "That Akshun Reeplae is a genius!"
With that, Jack continued through Viridian Forest. Every Bug Catcher that saw him ran off screaming, clearly having witnessed his capture of Arbok, and more likely, Rayquaza's role in aforementioned capture.
--------------
End Chapter 2.
*Cheeseball's Squirtle is revealed to have learned Withdraw.
*Professor Oak gives Jack a copy of 'Obtaining Grossly Underleveled Evolved Pokémon For Fun And Profit'.
*Jack rotates Rayquaza back onto his team.
*Jack catches an Arbok.
Very funny, and addressing some of the more ridiculous parts of the game. I always found it annoying how the people never change what they say. Especially in HGSS when I've got a legendary or shiny following me and no one notices.
Highlights!:
"WAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!" the Pokédex guffawed. "CHEESEBALL?! Hah! That's hilarious! Ha ha ha, my circuits hurt!"
You know there's something wrong with your name if a mindless, unemotional piece of machinery is laughing at you. (Well, to be fair, I guess the PokeDex has it's own thoughts. But the point is that a robot is laughing at you.)
"Uh, dude?" asked Cheeseball. "When did you get a Weezing?"
Oh, about thirty something chapters ago in the prequel. Try to pay attention Cheeseball.
"'Course," continued the man after he had retrieved his newly caught Weedle, "You gots to weaken the target first. You ain't gonna get that lucky every time, you know!"
With that, Jack continued through Viridian Forest. Every Bug Catcher that saw him ran off screaming, clearly having witnessed his capture of Arbok, and more likely, Rayquaza's role in aforementioned capture.
Very funny, and addressing some of the more ridiculous parts of the game. I always found it annoying how the people never change what they say. Especially in HGSS when I've got a legendary or shiny following me and no one notices.
You know there's something wrong with your name if a mindless, unemotional piece of machinery is laughing at you. (Well, to be fair, I guess the PokeDex has it's own thoughts. But the point is that a robot is laughing at you.)
I've always thought of the Pokedex as more advanced than your average machine. After all, Ash's Pokedex called him stupid in the first episode. It said that Rattata steal food from stupid travelers, just after a Rattata stole food from Ash. It also put a bit of emphasis on the word "stupid". I don't think it's beyond the capabilities of the Pokedex to think for itself.
"Finally!" exclaimed Jack; at long last, he could spot what appeared to be the end of the labyrinth-esque Viridian Forest. While Rayquaza's battling had ensured that he was not approached by any Bug Catchers wanting to waste his time with battles, he was nonetheless bored by the long walk. As he finally cleared the forest, he began squinting, unaccustomed to the sudden bright sunlight.
"We're getting there," said the Pokédex. "Pewter City is just ahead!"
"And there's a gym there, right?" asked Jack.
"Affirmative," replied the Pokédex. "The Gym Leader, Brock, has been known to throw rookie trainers off guard by using the Rock-type. Geodude and Onix. Rock-hard and tough Pokémon the likes of which few rookie trainers can actually handle."
"Geodude and Onix, eh?" smirked Jack. "Sounds like a real pushover to me. Gyarados can handle this guy."
Smirking, still confident about himself, Jack nonetheless stopped near the entrance to Pewter City and concentrated on a patch of grass, and began muttering a nonsensical, seemingly random incantation. After about two minutes, the grass began rustling. As the grass began rustling more and more wildly, a large orange Pokémon with multiple sucker-covered tentacles appeared.
"Octillery," said the Pokédex. "The Jet Pokémon, and the evolved form of Remoraid. Octillery will instinctively sneak into rocky holes. It locks onto opponents with its leg suckers, then rams them with its rock-hard head."
"You gotta love that Akshun Reeplae," said Jack, as he pulled out a Poké Ball and threw it. In a flash of light, Weezing appeared.
"Weezing, Hyper Beam!" called Jack. Weezing groaned as it formed two orbs of energy, one in each mouth. It then fired off twin beams of destructive energy, both of which struck Octillery directly, knocking it down. Before it could even try to get up, Jack threw a Poké Ball at Octillery. As the ball hit the Jet Pokémon, Octillery turned into transparent red energy. As the ball split open, the energy flew inside. The ball then snapped shut and fell to the ground. It wobbled around for maybe ten seconds, before stopping. Jack had caught Octillery.
"I thought you were feeling confident?" asked the Pokédex, as Jack reconfigured his team to include Weezing, Lucario, Rayquaza, Gyarados, Octillery, and Primeape. "Thought you said Gyarados would have an easy job of it?"
"It never hurts to have a little backup," said Jack. "You never know what tricks these Gym Leaders have up their sleeves."
Half an hour later, Jack was ready. He had healed up his Pokémon with an entirely uneventful visit to Pewter City's Pokémon center, and he now stood in front of the large, ominous-looking Pewter Gym. Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the double doors, and entered.
The gym consisted of a large room. At least, Jack thought it was large. It was too dark to properly get a feel for the size of the room. Then, quite suddenly, that problem was remedied; The gym's lights came on, revealing to Jack that the gym was huge. Before him was a massive, rock-filled battlefield. Sitting on a platform on the opposite end of the battlefield was a man in his late teens, if not in his twenties. He had brown, spiked hair, but it was darker, shorter, and less messy than Cheeseball's.
"You wish to challenge Pewter Gym?" the man asked. His voice reverberated around the cavernous gym, making it sound much louder.
"Yes," replied Jack. "I am Jack from Pallet Town, and I come to challenge you to a gym match!" Jack decided on the spot that it was a bad idea to tell people in Kanto that he came from the internet. Who would believe him?
"Very well," replied the man. "I am Brock, Pewter Gym's leader, and I accept your challenge! We shall each use three Pokémon, but only one at a time, is this acceptable?"
"Yes."
"Then we begin!" called Brock, as he pressed a button on a radio next to him, causing it to start playing epic music. "Call out your first Pokémon."
Jack plucked a Poké Ball off his belt and threw it, calling "Gyarados, go!"
In a flash of light the Atrocious Pokémon appeared before Brock. Grinning, Brock also threw a Poké Ball. Jack smirked, expecting a Geodude. He was, therefore, rather unpleasantly surprised at the massive, green behemoth that came out instead.
"Tyranitar, the Armor Pokémon, and the evolved form of-" began the Pokédex.
"Oh, SHUT UP!" roared Jack. "What gives, Brock? No Geodude?"
"What," sneered Brock, "You think I'd use Geodude and Onix against an experienced trainer?! That's just my team for rookies!"
"That figures," muttered Jack, as a sandstorm suddenly started.
"Tyranitar, go! Stone Edge now!" called Brock. Tyranitar roared loudly, and numerous stones began swirling around it. It roared again, and the stones began flying towards Gyarados.
"Quick, Gyarados, Hydro Pump!" called Jack. Gyarados shrieked loudly, and fired off an intense blast of water. While this hit Tyranitar for massive damage, the rocks from Stone Edge were unaffected; they had quickly flown out of the way, then rearranged themselves to form a smiley face with its tongue sticking out.
"Gyarados, Aqua Tail!" called Jack. Gyarados roared, as its tail glowed blue. It then swung its tail at the stones, scattering them everywhere.
"Follow up with Hyper Beam!"
"Tyranitar, use your own Hyper Beam!"
Simultaneously, the two Pokémon fired off destructive energy beams at each other. The beams collided in the exact center of the battlefield and caused a massive explosion. As the dust cleared, both Gyarados and Tyranitar were unconscious.
"Not bad," commented Brock as he recalled his Tyranitar.
"Not bad yourself," replied Jack, as he returned Gyarados to its ball.
"But now things are gonna heat up a little!" called Brock, as he threw another Poké Ball. As the ball opened, Jack immediately realized exactly what Brock had meant when he said things were gonna heat up.
"Magcargo, the Lava Pokémon, and the-"
"OH, WHO THE HELL ASKED YOU?!" roared Jack, as he readied another Poké Ball. "Octillery, destroy!" In a flash of light, Jack's Octillery appeared, and faced Magcargo, menacingly.
"Big mistake, Brock, using something even weaker to water than the average Rock-type," sneered Jack. "Octillery, Water Gun!"
Octillery launched a jet of water from its cannonesque mouth, straight at Magcargo.
"Heat Wave attack!" called Brock. Magcargo opened its mouth and unleashed a blast of red-hot air. The Water Gun evaporated on impact, and the Heat Wave continued on, damaging Octillery.
"This could get bad," muttered Jack. "Octillery! Try an Ice Beam!"
Octillery obediently shot a freezing cold beam of light blue energy straight at Magcargo. On Brock's orders, Magcargo unleashed another Heat Wave. Much to Jack's chagrin, not only did this melt the ice, but also evaporated the resulting water.
"Oh, crap," muttered Jack.
"Now, Magcargo, use Smog!" called Brock. Magcargo opened its mouth again, this time unleashing clouds of thick, purple smoke. Jack was beginning to panic; he didn't know what to do. Then he got an idea.
"Alright, Octillery, use Mimic!" he called. Octillery's yellow suckers glowed bright yellow briefly, then the glow faded.
"What is this about?" demanded Brock, as the smog cleared.
"Octillery, Water Gun!"
"Useless, I tell you! Magcargo, Flamethrower!"
"Quick, Octillery, Smog attack!"
"WHAT?!" demanded Brock. But it was too late; Magcargo's Flamethrower collided with the Smog attack, and exploded back on Magcargo. It landed on its side, and moved no more. Scowling, Brock returned the pool of living lava and its shell to the Poké Ball.
"Not bad," he said. "I was not expecting that." Then he took out a third Poké Ball. "But it ends here!" he continued, throwing the ball. "Rhyperior, go!"
In a flash of light, the massive, grey rhinocerous with numerous red protective plates appeared, landing on the ground with an earth-shaking "thud".
Rhyperior roared, and fired off a massive boulder from its right hand. It smashed through the Bullet Seed attack, and collided with Octillery, knocking it out.
"I bet you don't have a third Water-type," sneered Brock.
"No, I don't," admitted Jack, recalling Octillery. "But I have the next best thing," he continued, now plucking a Poké Ball off his belt. And he threw the ball. "Go, Rayquaza! Hyper Beam!" In a flash of light and a flurry of stars, the pitch-black Sky High Pokémon appeared, and immediately fired off a destructive beam of energy.
"Oh, poopy," squeaked Brock. In that instant, Rhyperior fell to the ground, clearly unable to battle.
~~~
"Well, Jack," said Brock, after they had returned their Pokémon. "I gotta commend you. That was a spectacular battle. Here, you've earned this." And he held out his right hand, on which was resting a small, grey object.
"It's the official Pokémon League BoulderBadge," said Brock. "Take it, it's yours." Grinning, Jack took the item from Brock, and gazed at it. As he left the gym, he cheered.
"Yes!" he exclaimed. "I won a BoulderBadge!" In that instant, Octillery and Gyarados emerged from their Poké Balls and cheered alongside him, and Rayquaza emerged from its ball, and leveled a mercifully abandoned house with one Hyper Beam. Jack hastily recalled his Pokémon. "Either I gotta stop doing that or I gotta stop using Rayquaza," he muttered. Just then, he heard a muffled voice from his backpack. He reached inside and pulled out his walkie talkie.
"Miror B. to Jack, come in Jack! Do you read me?" came a voice. Jack talked into the device.
"This is Jack, I read you loud and clear, Miror B., what's up?"
"Jack, my efforts to rescue the narrator aren't going so well. I'm afraid I'm in the position of fighting off a battalion of pop-ups right now. How goes the badge quest?"
"Great," said Jack, "I just got the BoulderBadge."
"Nice- HEY! HEY! NO, I WILL NOT BUY A PICKLE-FLAVORED CHAINSAW!" roared Miror B. "Sorry, Jack, I gotta go," he said, and turned off his walkie talkie.
Jack turned off his own, shrugged, then wondered where to go next.
------------
End of Chapter 3.
*Jack catches an Octillery.
*Jack battles Brock, defeats him, and earns the BoulderBadge.
My cousin did something similar to that: he named every nameable character "B*tch". The results were hilarious. "Pokemon Trainer B*tch would like to battle. - Go B*tch! - Your foe's weak! Get 'em B*tch" XD
Missingno.Master said:
In a flash of light, a small, brown, nondescript bird appeared from the ball thrown by Cheeseball in the previous chapter.
"Pidgey, the Tiny Bird Pokémon. Pidgey does not like to fight. Instead, it will kick up sand to distract enemies so it can make its escape. Wait a minute," continued the Pokédex. "According to my scan, this Pidgey is owned by someone named Cheeseball."
"It's BLUE!" roared Cheeseball.
"WAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!" the Pokédex guffawed. "CHEESEBALL?! Hah! That's hilarious! Ha ha ha, my circuits hurt!"
Still chortling along with his Pokédex, Jack re-entered Viridian City, and soon found himself in front of the same old coot with an apparant caffeine addiction. He was now sipping coffee from a ceramic mug that had been printed with the words, "World's Best NPC".
He deserves it, although... wait, I had another idea! *opens PM window*
"Oh, it's you!" exclaimed the old man, a little calmer now. "My granddaughter brought me my coffee, just before she went shopping. Now that I gots me my coffee, I feel much better! You can go on through now. And hey, do you know how to catch Pokémon?"
"Actually, I do," said Jack. "I-"
"Nonsense!" interrupted the man. "Never a bad time for a little refresher course! Now watch closely!"
That's exactly how I feel about the tutorial, I caught half my team in Diamond before Dawn showed me how to.
Later, Jack was walking through Viridian Forest, engrossed in the book. The front cover read "Obtaining Grossly Underleveled Evolved Pokémon For Fun And Profit: A Trainer's Guide To Gaining An Unfair Advantage. By Akshun Reeplae, bestselling author of 'The Stupid Idiot's Guide To Walking Through Walls', 'Shinies, Shinies Everywhere', and 'Making The Legendary Pokémon Yours: A Step-By-Step Process'."
"Yes," replied Jack. "I am Jack from Pallet Town, and I come to challenge you to a gym match!" Jack decided on the spot that it was a bad idea to tell people in Kanto that he came from the internet. Who would believe him?
Jeez, and I thought he had an attitude with the narrator.
"Yes!" he exclaimed. "I won a BoulderBadge!" In that instant, Octillery and Gyarados emerged from their Poké Balls and cheered alongside him, and Rayquaza emerged from the Master Ball, and leveled a mercifully abandoned house with one Hyper Beam. Jack hastily recalled his Pokémon. "Either I gotta stop doing that or I gotta stop using Rayquaza," he muttered.
Good to know the gym leaders can actually put up a fight. And Miror B. returns!
"Affirmative," replied the Pokédex. "The Gym Leader, Brock, has been known to throw rookie trainers off guard by using the Rock-type. Geodude and Onix. Rock-hard and tough Pokémon the likes of which few rookie trainers can actually handle."
"Geodude and Onix, eh?" smirked Jack. "Sounds like a real pushover to me. Gyarados can handle this guy."
Lucario would have been better than Gyarados, with the whole 4x Rock advantage. But then again, Hyper Beam > 4x Rock advantage anyday (at least in crazy fanfics)!
"Quick, Gyarados, Hydro Pump!" called Jack. Gyarados shrieked loudly, and fired off an intense blast of water. While this hit Tyranitar for massive damage, the rocks from Stone Edge were unaffected; they had quickly flown out of the way, then rearranged themselves to form a smiley face with its tongue sticking out.
"No, I don't," admitted Jack, recalling Octillery. "But I have the next best thing," he continued, now plucking the Master Ball off his belt. And he threw the ball. "Go, Rayquaza! Hyper Beam!" In a flash of light and a flurry of stars, the pitch-black Sky High Pokémon appeared, and immediately fired off a destructive beam of energy.
"Oh, poopy," squeaked Brock. In that instant, Rhyperior fell to the ground, clearly unable to battle.
"Yes!" he exclaimed. "I won a BoulderBadge!" In that instant, Octillery and Gyarados emerged from their Poké Balls and cheered alongside him, and Rayquaza emerged from the Master Ball, and leveled a mercifully abandoned house with one Hyper Beam. Jack hastily recalled his Pokémon. "Either I gotta stop doing that or I gotta stop using Rayquaza," he muttered.
Oh wow I remember reading this when I first entered the fourms...and now its even funnier. I must say great job!!! Oh wait...this the the next volume now.... Well...I love your work. Add me to the PM list and post fast!!!
Oh wow I remember reading this when I first entered the fourms...and now its even funnier. I must say great job!!! Oh wait...this the the next volume now.... Well...I love your work. Add me to the PM list and post fast!!!
As Jack walked along the rocky stretch of land that was Route 3, he looked around at the trainers. One of them, a Bug Catcher, approached Jack.
"Hey! I saw you in Viridian Forest!" he exclaimed. Then he did a double take. "Wait a minute.... I saw YOU in Viridian Forest! OH, NO!" He then took several steps back, narrowly avoided tripping over a rock, then turned around and proceeded to run away as fast as possible, while screaming for his mother.
"Well, THAT was odd," said Jack. "Didn't look like any of the Bug Catchers I saw back in Viridian Forest."
"I keep telling you, people in Kanto are absolutely insane," replied the Pokédex. "In fact, I'd bet my screen that Bug Catcher's never set foot in Viridian Forest."
Jack continued along Route 3, conversing with his Pokédex, and rather unaware that the rest of the route's trainers, alarmed by the Bug Catcher's extreme reaction, were keeping their distances from Jack. As the pathway curved to the north, Jack observed a shoddy wooden signpost that read "Route 4". Beyond that, a Pokémon Center, built right in front of a large mountain. To the right of the Pokémon Center was a large entrance carved into the mountain.
"Ah, I see we're approaching Mt. Moon," said the Pokédex. "Jack, you probably should rest up at this Pokémon Center, we don't know how tough the Pokémon in there will be."
"It's only after the first gym, it's probably just full of low level Zubat," replied Jack; however, he decided to heal up his Pokémon in any case.
Jack pushed open the double doors and entered the Pokémon Center. Then, he handed his Pokémon to the nurse, who he noticed looked exactly like the one in Pewter City.
"They're all identical," said the Pokédex as Jack left the counter, his team fully healed, before Jack could open his mouth.
"Hey, you!" came a gruff voice from Jack's right. Predictably, Jack looked to his right, to see a middle-aged, balding man. Were it not for his decidedly casual choice of clothing (a white t-shirt and faded blue jeans) and the fact that it had been three seconds and he hadn't advertised a useless product, he might have been a pop-up.
"Me?" answered Jack.
"Yeah, you. You look like an intelligent young man," said the shady man.
"You have my attention," replied Jack. "What do you want?"
"What I want is to offer you the deal of a lifetime. The best investment you will ever make in your life. I want to offer you a super secret, super-powerful Pokémon- a Magikarp- for just $500! Do we have a deal?"
"Ahem," butted in the Pokédex. "Magikarp, the Fish Pokémon. Incredibly weak and pathetic, Magikarp is famous for being very unreliable. Easily found in any body of water, even easier to catch, and even more easy to defeat."
"Eh, what does that talking cheesebox know?" the salesman asked quickly. "I offer you the deal of a lifetime, kid! Nobody else sells these things at such low prices!"
"Because everyone else knows that nobody is enough of a fool to actually buy a freaking' Magikarp," muttered the Pokédex.
"Quiet, you," said Jack suddenly. "You don't know what you're talking about."
"Jack...?" asked the Pokédex incredulously.
"Now then," said Jack to the shady salesman. "I hear your offer and I like what you're saying. Only thing is, I already had a Magikarp, and it evolved into a Gyarados, far more powerful than Magikarp. Now see, Gyarados, those are the real moneymakers, you see what I'm saying?"
"But I'm a terrible Pokémon trainer!" asked the salesman. "All I have are a bunch of weak Magikarp and Hoppip. I used to have a Weepinbell, but I traded it for a Victreebel. Then the Victreebel didn't obey me at all, so I released it. How am I supposed to evolve my Magikarp?!"
"I got a better idea," said Jack. "Come with me." And he exited the Pokémon Center, and walked back towards Route 3. The Magikarp salesman, brimming with curiosity, followed him.
The salesman followed Jack to a patch of grass on Route 3. Jack focused on the grass, and began muttering an incantation, consisting of random numbers and letters.
"What are you-" started the salesman.
"SSHHHH!" interrupted the Pokédex, who had more or less figured out Jack's plan. "Don't interrupt him!"
The salesman immediately fell silent as Jack continued the incantation, and the grass began rustling. As the rustling intensified, Jack readied a Poké Ball and handed it to the salesman. Finally, a massive Gyarados sprung forth from the grass.
"NOW!" Jack screamed in all caps.
"Poké Ball, go!" called the salesman, throwing aforementioned spherical object. The ball struck Gyarados, sucking it inside. It then fell to the ground, wobbled for a few seconds, and was still. The awestruck salesman picked up the Poké Ball and stared at it, as if he did not believe in its existance.
"That... But... How did you...?"
"I take it you're happy with it?" asked Jack.
'
"Happy with it?!" exclaimed the salesman. "Happy with it?! This is fantastic! If I can stop selling stupid Magikarp and start selling Gyarados, I'll be a rich man!" Then he turned to Jack and continued, "Do it again! Keep doing it! I'll pay you $500 for each Gyarados you catch for me!"
"Very well," said Jack. And he focused again upon the grass.
~~~~~~
Fifteen minutes and seven Gyarados later, the salesman finally let Jack stop. He shook Jack's hand, positively giddy, and then handed Jack $4,000.
"Thank you! Thank you!" he exclaimed. Then he turned and skipped back to the Pokémon Center, clearly fighting off the urge to sing.
"Wow," said the Pokédex. "I gotta ask you one thing, though. How the hell did you catch seven Gyarados in a row without weakening them, in regular Poké Balls?"
"Akshun Reeplae covers that in Chapter 5," replied Jack. "I read some more between this and the last chapter. Chapter 5 covers making Poké Balls work like Master Balls. You'd be surprised, it's not just pressing A+B+Down, you know."
"Amazing," muttered the Pokédex.
Half an hour later, Jack had returned to Pewter City and restocked his supply of Poké Balls at the Poké Mart, and was now standing before the entrance to Mt. Moon.
"Well," said Jack, "Here goes nothing."
And he took one step into Mt. Moon's dark and forbidding cavern.
"Zubat! Zubat!"
"Waah!"
Almost immediately, a blue, winged Pokémon swooped down on Jack and was attempting to bite his face. With more difficulty than you'd think, given the diminutive stature of aforementioned Pokémon, Jack threw it off.
"Zubat, the Bat Pokémon," said the Pokédex. "Zubat lives in caves and uses ultrasonic waves to communicate. Prolonged exposure to sunlight is unhealthy for it."
"Prolonged exposure to sunlight, huh?" snarled Jack, still rather annoyed at the Zubat's attack. Angrily, he stomped over, grabbed the Zubat, turned around, exited the cave, and held the struggling Zubat up to the sun. Within a minute, Zubat began screaming in agony.
"Jack, that's cruel!" exclaimed the Pokédex.
"Relax," snapped Jack. He then carried Zubat back into the cave.
"Now listen to me and listen good," Jack snarled to the Zubat. "You tell your friends that I'm to be left alone- Waah!"
For at that moment, Lucario let itself out of its Poké Ball.
"Jack, wait," said Lucario telepathically. "Zubat didn't intend to attack you. Something is bothering it. And not just you exposing it to sunlight, either."
"Really?" asked Jack, releasing his grip on the Bat Pokémon.
"Zubat bat! Bat bat Zubat!" Zubat squeaked urgently.
"Zubat was trying to find help," Lucario translated. "Its family is in trouble from a gang of humans all dressed in black. They're attacking all the Pokémon in the cave."
"Men in black?" asked Jack
"Great movie," remarked the Pokédex.
"Zubat says their outfits had a weird red symbol on the front," continued Lucario.
"Team Rocket," muttered Jack. "It's gotta be. I've heard of them, they're a group of Pokémon thieves. I'm guessing they're after rare Pokémon. Hey, Pokédex, any rare Pokémon in Mt. Moon?"
"Affirmative, Jack," replied the Pokédex. "Species of Pokémon in Mt. Moon are as follows: Paras, Geodude, Zubat, Clefairy. Clefairy are the rarest Pokémon available in these caves."
At that point, Jack turned to face Zubat, who tensed up at the thought of more sunlight.
"Listen, Zubat, I'm sorry I held you out in the sun," said Jack. "Will you work with me, help stop Team Rocket?"
Zubat was silent for a moment, then nodded its eyeless head. "Bat! Zubat!" it chirped affirmatively.
"Alright," said Jack, "Let's do it!"
--------------------
End Chapter 4.
*Jack catches seven Gyarados and sells them to the Magikarp Salesman.
Wasn't that the same title as the episode in the anime that featured Mt. Moon? I think it was.
"Hey, you!" came a gruff voice from Jack's right. Predictably, Jack looked to his right, to see a middle-aged, balding man. Were it not for his decidedly casual choice of clothing (a white t-shirt and faded blue jeans) and the fact that it had been three seconds and he hadn't advertised a useless product, he might have been a pop-up.
"But I'm a terrible Pokémon trainer!" asked the salesman. "All I have are a bunch of weak Magikarp and Hoppip. I used to have a Weepinbell, but I traded it for a Victreebel. Then the Victreebel didn't obey me at all, so I released it. How am I supposed to evolve my Magikarp?!"
"Zubat was trying to find help," Lucario translated. "Its family is in trouble from a gang of humans all dressed in black. They're attacking all the Pokémon in the cave."
Now that I think about it, the pop-ups and Magikarp Salesman do have a lot in common. They both sell completely useless things, they charge ridiculous prices, they're incredibly annoying, etc. Jack was really kind of cruel to that Zubat, but considering how annoying they are maybe Jack actually had a good idea. Hmmm.
"Hey! I saw you in Viridian Forest!" he exclaimed. Then he did a double take. "Wait a minute.... I saw YOU in Viridian Forest! OH, NO!" He then took several steps back, narrowly avoided tripping over a rock, then turned around and proceeded to run away as fast as possible, while screaming for his mother.
"Hey, you!" came a gruff voice from Jack's right. Predictably, Jack looked to his right, to see a middle-aged, balding man. Were it not for his decidedly casual choice of clothing (a white t-shirt and faded blue jeans) and the fact that it had been three seconds and he hadn't advertised a useless product, he might have been a pop-up.
So next chapter is Team Rocket? Should be interesting, hoping TR will be a major source of comedy in this. This chapter was good, but probably the shortest one yet in The Awesome of Awesomeness.
Also, you may want to update your signature to include The Awesome of Awesomeness. Just a suggestion.
been reading and finally caught up to the current.you gotta love this fic.i cant wait to get the narrator back.i stumbled across this fic and saw the two lines.then i saw how many pages it had.that poor zubat...
A Geodude lazily floated through the cavernous depths of Mt. Moon. He had heard some ruckus in the lower levels of the cave, but it didn't seem to concern him. Lazily he drifted, towards the west end of the cave, vaguely hoping that the Paras colony in that area had left their mushrooms unguarded again. They really were quite deliciou-
"RRGH! STUPID, STINKING LOAD OF *@$%! IF I SEE ONE MORE &#$@#ING ZUBAT IN MY FACE AGAIN, I SWEAR TO ARCEUS, I AM GONNA..."
Startled by the sudden explosion of noise in the usually calm cave, Geodude quickly scrambled off and hid behind a rock.
The source of the noise was none other than Jack, making his way through Mt. Moon. Or at least, trying to. It didn't exactly help that every single time he took one step forwards, or even just turned to walk in another direction, yet another Zubat swooped down into his face. The Zubat next to him, from the previous chapter, wasn't at all pleased; as Zubat have ultrasensitive hearing, it was especially perturbed by Jack's constant, capitalized outburst, which was dripping with profanity. Well,not so much profanity so much as it was a bunch of asterisks, dollar signs, percentage signs, ampersands, number signs, and those weird little lowercase "a"s with a circle around them.
"RRGH!" snarled Jack, as he grabbed yet another Zubat out from in front of his face and shoved it aside. He then turned to face the Zubat from the previous chapter.
"Zubat," he said, "could you possibly do something? I'm not gonna be particularly inclined to help you out when your friends keep swooping into my face!"
Zubat nodded, then emitted a series of soundwaves from its mouth into the cavern's depths. Jack cautiously took several steps forward, and to his delight, was not bombarded by more Zubat. Sighing in relief, Jack continued through the cave. As it got darker and darker, Jack could just make out the outline of a ladder in the cave. The ladder went through a hole in the floor to a lower level. Jack decended this ladder to find himself in an oddly brighter cave.
"Hey! You! We're pulling a big job here, get lost!" called a voice. Jack looked around for the source, and discovered at least five or six grown men in black outfits. Each outfit bore a red letter "R" on the shirt.
"Ah, so you're Team Rocket," said Jack.
"Damn straight," answered the same grunt that had spoken before. He then pulled a Poké Ball off of his belt, and threw it. "Raticate, attack!"
In a flash of light, a light brown rodent with extremely large front teeth appeared. It bared aforementioned fangs in an intimidating fashion. "Raticate!" it cried out.
"Raticate, the Mouse Pokémon, and the evolved form of Rattata," said the Pokédex. "Raticate's front teeth grow continuously. It whittles them down by gnawing hard objects."
Jack pulled a Great Ball off his belt and made to throw it, when Zubat swooped in front of him.
"Oh, you want to battle, Zubat?" asked Jack. Zubat turned around and nodded.
"..Leech Life!" Jack called out. Zubat opened its mouth and bared its fangs. Said fangs then began to glow a light green. Zubat then swooped down on Raticate, bit its back, and for a few seconds, proceeded to suck its blood. When Zubat flew away from Raticate, it looked significantly feebler.
"Raticate, Flame Wheel!" called the grunt.
"Flame Wheel?" repeated Jack. "Dude, Raticate ain't a Fire-type. It can't learn that move."
"Um, yeah, about that..." said the Pokédex, but there was no need for explanations; for at that moment, a fiery wheel formed around Raticate's body, and it began to roll towards Zubat.
"It also knows Supersonic," said the Pokédex.
"Raticate?"
"No, Zubat!"
"Well, why didn't you just SAY that?!"
"This is not the time! Just tell it to use Supersonic!"
"Zubat, Supersonic!" called Jack. Zubat chirped in acknoweledgement, then released a volley of soundwaves from its mouth. Raticate's Flame Wheel began taking an erratic path, then veered sharply to the right, causing Raticate to crash into a solid wall of rock. Angry, the grunt recalled his unconscious Raticate.
"You know," he said, "I've often wondered something. We grunts of Team Rocket always just back down when we're defeated in a Pokémon battle. I mean, so what if my Pokémon can't battle anymore? I can still punch your lights out, then let the boss deal with you!" As he said this, he raised his right hand, which was clenched into a fist, and made to walk toward Jack. In response, Jack held out the Great Ball.
"Take one more step and my Primeape will personally see to it that your boss never finds your remains," said Jack coldly.
"Oh, THAT'S why..." muttered the grunt, freezing in mid-step. He then turned around and swiftly ran the other way, and was gone within two seconds.
"Eh, we'll deal with you, then!" exclaimed another grunt, taking out a Poké Ball. "We're gonna milk this cave for all the fossils and Clefairy we can get, and nobody's gonna stop us from..."
"Zubat, zap 'em with Supersonic," yawned Jack. Zubat chittered in a way that resembled a laugh, then unleashed a barrage of soundwaves upon the Team Rocket grunts.
"...I'm loopy, I'm loopy, I'm loopy, loopy, loopy..." sang the grunt, as he danced around like an idiot. Chuckling, Jack walked right past him. He also passed by the other grunts, most of which were imitating the first grunt's loopy dance.
"Nice touch, Zubat," said Jack, as the cave's exit came into sight. At that point, Jack stumbled over something on the ground.
"Oof! Ow! What the..." muttered Jack, looking at what caused him to trip. There on the ground lay two strange looking rocks. One of them had a smooth, dome-like surface. The other one had an interesting spiral pattern.
"Hey!" called a voice. Turning to his left, Jack saw someone running towards him. He looked about 15 years old, had long, unkempt black hair, and was wearing a white lab coat and a pair of glasses held together with liberal quantities of tape, and sported unrealistically thick lenses.
"Hey!" repeated the Super Nerd. "Those are my fossils! I found them! No stealing!"
"I wasn't going to steal your stupid... Fossils?" asked Jack, realizing what the Super Nerd had just said.
"Yes, fossils!" snapped the guy. "They are mine! I found them! No touching!"
"Chill out," said Jack. "And if you didn't want people touching your fossils, why the hell did you even leave them out in the open where crooks like Team Rocket could get at them?"
"You make a good point," murmured the Super Nerd. "Tell you what. I'll battle you. If you win, I'll give you one of the fossils, OK?"
"If it'll get you out of my face," mumbled Jack under his breath.
"What was that?"
"I said I accept," said Jack.
"OK, then! We'll each use three Pokémon, that sound fair?"
"Fine by me," said Jack.
"Let's start!" exclaimed the Super Nerd, pulling out a Poké Ball. "Hey, what will we do for a referee?"
"Do we need one?" asked Jack.
"Not really, but I prefer to have one," said the Super Nerd. "Hey, don't you have a Pokédex?"
"Yes, he does," said Jack's Pokédex.
"Well, that can act as a referee!" exclaimed the Super Nerd. "Just set it down between us two, off to the side." Jack did so. Immediately the Pokédex spoke up.
"This will be a three-on-three Pokémon Battle between Pokémon Trainer Jack of Pallet Town and Super Nerd Miguel of Pewter City! Miguel will choose his Pokémon first. Begin!"
Miguel pulled a Great Ball off his belt and threw it. "Grimer, let's go!" In a flash of light, what appeared to be a pool of living sludge appeared. It looked like something Weezing might have barfed up.
"Grimer, the Sludge Pokémon," said the Pokédex. "Grimer was brought to life from exposure to x-rays from the moon. It thrives on pollution, waste, and toxic chemicals."
"Alright, then, let's make this quick," said Jack, taking a Master Ball and throwing it. "Rayquaza, destroy! Hyper Beam now!"
In a flash of light and a flurry of stars, Rayquaza appeared, gave an earsplitting shriek, and fired off a beam of destructive energy.
"The Grimer, Rayquaza! Hit the Grimer!" called Jack, as Miguel dove to the floor, narrowly avoiding the attack. Rayquaza roared, and fired off a second Hyper Beam, this time at Grimer.
"Sludge attack now!" called Miguel. Grimer opened its mouth, and fired a stream of sludge towards Rayquaza. However, the Hyper Beam easily overpowered it, and knocked out Grimer on the spot.
"Grimer is unable to battle!" called the Pokédex.
"Grimer, return! Voltorb, go!" called Miguel as he recalled Grimer and threw another Poké Ball. From the Poké Ball emerged a larger Poké Ball with eyes instead of a button.
"Voltorb, Thunder!" called Miguel.
"Rayquaza, Dragon Pulse!" called Jack. As Voltorb hurled a bolt of electricity at Rayquaza, it roared in anger, and instead opted to split itself into multiple copies.
"No, Rayquaza! I said Dragon Pulse! Dragon Pulse!" called Jack in frustration. The multiple copies of the shiny Rayquaza retaliated by raising their right hands and making an obscene gesture at Jack.
"That- what-but.." spluttered Jack in inexpressible fury. To make matters worse, the Pokédex took this opportunity to speak up.
"Rayquaza is disqualified because it flipped its trainer the bird," it called out. "Voltorb wins!"
"You stupid idiot!" roared Jack as he recalled Rayquaza.
"That thing doesn't obey you at all!" retorted the Pokédex. "I was doing you a favor."
"Hmph," snorted Jack. He then took a Poké Ball and threw it. "Arbok, go!"
In a flash of light, the Arbok Jack had caught in Viridian Forest appeared. "Chaaa-boka!" it hissed. At the sight of the menacing Cobra Pokémon, Voltorb's eyes widened. Then a pool of yellow liquid began to form beneath it.
"Somehow, I never imagined a Voltorb wetting itself," said Jack. At that moment, Voltorb's body then began to light up, as if it was recieving an electric shock.
"It's the urine!" spluttered the Pokédex; not an easy feat when it was fighting off uncontrollable laughter. "Voltorb's shorting out!"
As the lights subsided, Voltorb rolled on its side, clearly unconscious. Miguel seethed in fury as he recalled Voltorb.
"Now it gets serious!" exclaimed Miguel, throwing a third Poké Ball. "Koffing, attack!"
In a flash of light, a Koffing appeared. It floated in midair, occasionally loosing a puff of yellow gas from the pores all over its body.
"Koffing, Tackle!"
"Arbok, Glare!"
Koffing flew forward, intending to strike Arbok. However, Arbok then glared at it, its eyes glowing blue. Koffing froze in midair, then fell to the ground, paralyzed.
"Gunk Shot now!" called Jack. Arbok opened its mouth wide, and formed a glowing, purple orb. It then hissed loudly, and the orb flew towards Koffing, exploding on impact.
"Koffing is unable to battle!" exclaimed the Pokédex. "Jack wins the battle!"
Scowling, Miguel recalled Koffing. He then walked up to Jack.
"Good job," he grudgingly grunted. "You can have either the Helix Fossil or the Dome Fossil."
"I think I'll take the Helix Fossil," said Jack.
Miguel picked up the rock with the spiral pattern and handed it to Jack. "Here," he grunted. "On Cinnabar Island they work on regenerating Pokémon from fossils. They might be able to do something with it."
"Thanks," said Jack, as he turned and walked away.
As Jack approached the cave's exit, he heard the fluttering of wings behind him. He turned around, to see none other than the same Zubat from before.
"Oh, it's you," said Jack. "Let me guess, you want to come with me?"
Zubat nodded vigorously. Smiling, Jack took out a Poké Ball and tapped Zubat on the head with it. Zubat was instantly sucked inside, and it made no effort to escape.
As the ball vanished and went to the PC storage system, Jack turned and made to leave the cave.
"Stop right there!"
Jack turned around again, and spotted two more Team Rocket grunts running towards him, a Meowth following close behind. Jack then noticed that these grunts lacked the headgear sported by other Team Rocket grunts, and were wearing white uniforms instead of black.
"Prepare for trouble!" declared the female grunt, who sported long, magenta hair.
"And make it double!" added the male grunt, who had slightly long blue hair.
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Jessie!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"
"Meowth! That's right!" added the Meowth. Before Jack could even begin to register the fact that this Meowth could talk, a Poké Ball on Jessie's belt burst open to reveal a blue Pokémon, vaguely shaped like a punching bag.
"Wobbuffet!" it called out, giving a salute.
"...OK, that was mildly entertaining," said Jack. "But I'll be going now."
"Oh, no you won't, twerp," said James. "That fossil belongs to Team Rocket."
"Give it to us, now," said Jessie."
"You'll have to make me," sneered Jack.
"Oh, we will!" exclaimed Jessie, throwing a Poké Ball. "Seviper, go!"
"Carnivine, you too!" called James, throwing his own Poké Ball.
In twin flashes of light, a black, serpentine Pokémon with long, red fangs and a swordlike tail, and a green Pokémon with a big mouth and a tangle of vines for a lower half of its body appeared. Seviper landed on the ground and hissed at Jack. Carnivine, however, turned around and playfully chomped on James's head.
"No, not me, Carnivine!" exclaimed James. "Get that twerp!" And in one sudden movement, he managed to pull the Bug Catcher Pokémon off his head.
Jack sighed. "Looks like I'll have to teach these goofballs a lesson the hard way." And he produced a Poké Ball and a Great Ball, and threw them. "Go, Bulbasaur! Go, Primeape!"
In two flashes of light, Bulbasaur and Primeape appeared, ready to fight.
---------------
End Chapter 5.
*The Zubat from the previous chapter is revealed to know Leech Life and Supersonic.
*Jack's Arbok is revealed to know Glare and Gunk Shot.
*Jack obtains a Helix Fossil.
*Jack catches the Zubat that was following him around.
*Jack encounters Jessie, James, and Meowth of Team Rocket for the first time.
Very funny chapter here with both anime and game references. This chapter was also longer, which is good because the last few were a little too short considering the events that took place in them. Good work.
"RRGH! STUPID, STINKING LOAD OF *@$%! IF I SEE ONE MORE &#$@#ING ZUBAT IN MY FACE AGAIN, I SWEAR TO ARCEUS, I AM GONNA..."
The Zubat next to him, from the previous chapter, wasn't at all pleased; as Zubat have ultrasensitive hearing, it was especially perturbed by Jack's constant, capitalized outburst, which was dripping with profanity. Well,not so much profanity so much as it was a bunch of asterisks, dollar signs, percentage signs, ampersands, number signs, and those weird little lowercase "a"s with a circle around them.
Think again, Mr. I-Have-A-Weezing-That-Knows-Thunder.
"You know," he said, "I've often wondered something. We grunts of Team Rocket always just back down when we're defeated in a Pokémon battle. I mean, so what if my Pokémon can't battle anymore? I can still punch your lights out, then let the boss deal with you!" As he said this, he raised his right hand, which was clenched into a fist, and made to walk toward Jack. In response, Jack held out the Great Ball.
"Take one more step and my Primeape will personally see to it that your boss never finds your remains," said Jack coldly.
"Oh, THAT'S why..." muttered the grunt, freezing in mid-step. He then turned around and swiftly ran the other way, and was gone within two seconds.
And so, one of the greatest mysteries in Pokemon finally has an answer. Seriously, I've always wondered about this.
"Prepare for trouble!" declared the female grunt, who sported long, magenta hair.
"And make it double!" added the male grunt, who had slightly long blue hair.
"To protect the world from devastation!"
"To unite all peoples within our nation!"
"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"
"To extend our reach to the stars above!"
"Jessie!"
"James!"
"Team Rocket blast off at the speed of light!"
"Surrender now, or prepare to fight!"
"Meowth! That's right!" added the Meowth. Before Jack could even begin to register the fact that this Meowth could talk, a Poké Ball on Jessie's belt burst open to reveal a blue Pokémon, vaguely shaped like a punching bag.
Oh, no. Just when I was finally starting to forget how the first motto went. Now its stuck in my head all over again.
Nice chapter, very funny and JJ+M making an appearance was a good idea. Can't wait for Jack to "SEND THEM BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!!!!! WOBBUFFET!!!!" Or will they do this considering Jack, the narrator, Miror B., and Lucario have already done it twice?
And I guess Jack's gonna have to get eight gym badges before Rayquaza stops making rude gestures at him.
Hahaha poor Geodude. Nice POV switch there, I liked that.
The source of the noise was none other than Jack, making his way through Mt. Moon. Or at least, trying to. It didn't exactly help that every single time he took one step forwards, or even just turned to walk in another direction, yet another Zubat swooped down into his face. The Zubat next to him, from the previous chapter, wasn't at all pleased; as Zubat have ultrasensitive hearing, it was especially perturbed by Jack's constant, capitalized outburst, which was dripping with profanity. Well,not so much profanity so much as it was a bunch of asterisks, dollar signs, percentage signs, ampersands, number signs, and those weird little lowercase "a"s with a circle around them.
Just a little nitpicky here but since "and threw it" can't be a sentence by itself you don't need the comma there.
"Raticate, Flame Wheel!" called the grunt.
"Flame Wheel?" repeated Jack. "Dude, Raticate ain't a Fire-type. It can't learn that move."
"Um, yeah, about that..." said the Pokédex, but there was no need for explanations; for at that moment, a fiery wheel formed around Raticate's body, and it began to roll towards Zubat.
"It also knows Supersonic," said the Pokédex.
"Raticate?"
"No, Zubat!"
"Well, why didn't you just SAY that?!"
"This is not the time! Just tell it to use Supersonic!"
"You know," he said, "I've often wondered something. We grunts of Team Rocket always just back down when we're defeated in a Pokémon battle. I mean, so what if my Pokémon can't battle anymore? I can still punch your lights out, then let the boss deal with you!" As he said this, he raised his right hand, which was clenched into a fist, and made to walk toward Jack. In response, Jack held out the Great Ball.
"Take one more step and my Primeape will personally see to it that your boss never finds your remains," said Jack coldly.
"Oh, THAT'S why..." muttered the grunt, freezing in mid-step. He then turned around and swiftly ran the other way, and was gone within two seconds.
Does anyone else think it's weird having a red mechanical box refereeing in the middle of a cave floor?
"No, Rayquaza! I said Dragon Pulse! Dragon Pulse!" called Jack in frustration. The multiple copies of the shiny Rayquaza retaliated by raising their right hands and making an obscene gesture at Jack.
"That- what-but.." spluttered Jack in inexpressible fury. To make matters worse, the Pokédex took this opportunity to speak up.
"Rayquaza is disqualified because it flipped its trainer the bird," it called out. "Voltorb wins!"
True. I've always thought that it was extremely random that Rattata got Flame Wheel as an egg move, though. It can't even learn other Fire-type moves, not even Fire Fang. Weezing gets Thunderbolt, Thunder, and Shock Wave. Three electric moves. That's why I made Jack think Raticate couldn't learn Flame Wheel- it's too random to seem true.
Also, I don't know if you noticed this, but I kind of like giving other people Pokémon with moves that while they can learn them, you wouldn't think that they could at first. For instance, in the Adventure of Adventureness, one of the spectators had a Dusknoir with Mega Kick. Doesn't sound possible, given Dusknoir's lack of feet, but it does in fact get the move; Dusclops can be taught Mega Kick by a Generation III Move Tutor. After that it's just a matter of Pal Parking and evolving it.
I had actually come up with that theory long ago. Someone on some forum was wondering why they don't just try to attack you themselves when they lose, and I said something like "Because they're not about to try to attack you when they know you could just sic your Monferno or Gyarados or something on them".
Nice chapter, very funny and JJ+M making an appearance was a good idea. Can't wait for Jack to "SEND THEM BLASTING OFF AGAIN!!!!!! WOBBUFFET!!!!" Or will they do this considering Jack, the narrator, Miror B., and Lucario have already done it twice?
I read all of this within three hours, and I must say, I love it. Never have I seen such a luscious blending of the real world, Pokemon, and teh interwebz. I can only think of one other thing to compare this to, but this has made me lul more then that did, so creds to you. Keep up the awesome work dood!
Jack stared at his Pokédex. "Seriously?" he asked. "'The Sixth Chapter'? What the hell kind of chapter title is that?!"
"Forget the chapter title already and kick the crap out of those clowns!" exclaimed the Pokédex.
"Eh, whatever," said Jack. "Bulbasaur, Vine Whip! Primeape, Scratch!"
"Seviper, Wrap it now!" ordered Jessie.
"Carnivine, use your own Vine Whip!" called James.
Seviper deftly avoided Primeape's Scratch attack and coiled its long body around the Pig Monkey Pokémon. Frantically, Primeape struggled to get free. Meanwhile, Carnivine had produced a pair of vines from its armpits and was whipping them around to fend off the vines Bulbasaur had sprouted from beneath its bulb.
"Primeape, Fury Swipes!" called Jack.
Primeape immediately began slashing at Seviper rapidly. Very quickly, Seviper found itself wincing in pain.
"Now use your Thunder attack!" Jack ordered.
Immediately, Primeape crackled with electricity; Seviper was instantly aglow with wattage, and released Primeape on the spot.
Meanwhile, the vines that made up the lower half of Carnivine's body were now entangling Bulbasaur.
"Bulbasaur!" exclaimed Jack. "Try a Sludge attack!"
Bulbasaur opened its mouth and tried firing off a stream of sludge, but Carnivine was holding it tightly, and it couldn't aim. "Saur," it called out sadly.
"Primeape," called Jack, "Hit Carnivine with a Brick Break!"
"Oh, no you don't! hissed Jessie. "Seviper, Poison Tail!"
Hissing madly, Seviper lunged towards Primeape, tail blade emitting a purple glow. It shoved Primeape to one side, knocking it down. Then, quite suddenly and out of nowhere, Bulbasaur began to glow!
Jack looked on in amazement as his Bulbasaur began changing shape and size, forcing Carnivine to release its grip. At that moment, the glow subsided, revealing a Pokémon that looked like Bulbasaur, except it had a budding flower and several leaves in the place of its bulb.
"Ivysaur, the Seed Pokémon, and the evolved form of Bulbasaur," said the Pokédex. "Ivysaur seeks constant exposure to sunlight. This makes the plant on its back grow larger."
At that moment, Primeape slowly got up off the ground, emitting a red aura, eyes glowing white, entire body shaking in anger. Jack began to grin.
"A freshly evolved Ivysaur and a Primeape who has activated Anger Point..." Jack chuckled. "Oh, you guys are going down."
"Not on my watch!" exclaimed Jessie.
"Wobbuffet!" added Wobbuffet.
Jessie and James then each threw a new Poké Ball.
"Yanmega, do it!" called Jessie.
"My precious Mime Jr., go!" exclaimed James.
In twin flashes of light, what appeared to be an ice cream sundae with arms and legs and a face appeared, right next to a large, green insect with clear wings and red gogglelike eyes.
"Ivysaur, Sludge attack!" called Jack.
"Mime Jr., Mimic it!" called James.
As Ivysaur launched a blast of sludge from its mouth, the orb atop Mime Jr.'s head glowed white; Mime Jr. then opened its own mouth and blasted a stream of sludge right back at it. The Sludge attacks collided in midair and cancelled each other out.
"Yanmega, Quick Attack!" called Jessie. Yanmega did a loop in midair, then began zooming straight for Primeape, snarling in a menacing fashion.
"Scratch attack," yawned Jack. Primeape took a ferocious swipe at the Yanmega, causing it to fly backwards and crash into its trainer.
Meanwhile, Ivysaur's Sludge attack won out, and Mime Jr. had fainted.
Jessie wasn't ready to give up yet. She turned to her right, grabbed Wobbuffet, and shoved it in front of her. "Wobbuffet, go!" she ordered.
"Primeape, Overheat!" exclaimed Jack.
"Wobbuffet, Counter attack!" called Jessie.
Wobbuffet gave a salute, and took on a red aura. However, the intense stream of flames struck it anyway, knocking it out.
"Don't you know anything?" demanded Jack. "Counter is for PHYSICAL moves. MIRROR COAT is for special moves!"
"Undeterred, Jessie looked around and grabbed Meowth.
"Hey! Wait! Put me down!" demanded Meowth.
"Stop whining and use your Fury Swipes!" ordered Jessie, as she threw Meowth at Primeape. Meowth gulped, closed his eyes, and began clawing at the air at random. Chuckling evilly, Primeape simply took a step to the right, and Meowth flew right past it, out of the cave, and straight into a tree. As Jessie and James ran over to help, Primeape and Jack high five'd each other. Then, Primeape's nose began twitching. The twitching intensified, and suddenly, Primeape sneezed. However, from its nose emerged a mass of purple energy. Upon being released from its nasal prison, the energy formed itself into a dome shape. Primeape picked up this dome shaped mass of purple energy, and began charging towards Team Rocket. Then it sneezed again. This time, streaks of yellow energy (at least, Jack hoped that that was energy) were added to the mix. Primeape collided with Team Rocket, and sent them flying.
"LOOKS LIKE TEAM ROCKET IS BLASTING OFF AGAAAAIIIIN....!" called Jessie, James, and Meowth.
"WOBBUFFET!" added Wobbuffet.
"Morons," said Jack. "Though I'll give them this much, blasting off ain't pleasant."
"Jack," interrupted the Pokédex. "Don't you realize what's happened here?"
"You mean besides the birth of a horribly overdone running gag?"
"Your Primeape! It learned Giga Impact!"
"Oh yeah," grinned Jack. "Primeape, nice work!"
Primeape grinned and danced in place as Jack returned it to its Poké Ball.
"Ivysaur," continued Jack, "Good job out there!"
"Saur! Ivysaur!" grinned Ivysaur, just before Jack recalled it.
~~~~~
As Jack continued walking, he heard the sounds of an argument.
"I tell you, punching is far superior!"
"Stop spouting nonsense! Kicking is where it's at!"
Jack looked to his left and immediately found the source of the argument; two grown men in white karate outfits.
"Hey, morons!" called Jack, "What is with your stupid arguments?"
"Ah! You, there!" replied the man. "Will you kindly tell this brainless buffoon that punching is better than kicking?"
"Don't listen to that mindless moron," retorted the other guy. "Please, just tell him that kicking beats out punching any day?"
"And why, dare I ask, would I ever want to get involved in this stupid argument?"
"Because I'll teach one of your Pokémon Mega Punch," said the first man.
"I'll teach one of your Pokémon Mega Kick!" promised the other.
"OK, I'll tell you what," said Jack. Both of you will teach my Primeape these moves. Then I'll decide for you which one is superior."
"Done deal!" the men exclaimed simultaneously.
Jack handed Primeape's Poké Ball to the first man, who produced a strange, cubelike object from his pocket.
"It's of my own design," he explained. "It's a machine that teaches Mega Punch."
Jack watched as the man slid Primeape's Poké Ball into the device and pressed a button. The device quivered for a second or two, then with a "ding!" sound, like from a microwave oven, the Poké Ball popped out like a slice of bread from a toaster. The second man grabbed it, pulled out an identical device, inserted the ball, and pressed the button. With an identical sound effect, the ball popped out of the device and landed in Jack's hands.
"Thanks," he said, as he took out his Pokédex and reorganized his team slightly. "Oh, and one more thing. I'm making a slight change of plan."
"And what would that be?" asked the kicking freak.
"Well, it concerns the part where I decide for you whether punching or kicking is better. See, I've decided that instead of that, I'm just going to have my Zubat use Supersonic on you, and see what happens."
Despite the men's protests, Jack proceeded to call out Zubat.
"Use Supersonic!" he exclaimed.
Instantly, Zubat fired off a round of soundwaves from its mouth. The two karate freaks' protests turned to "duuuuh..."s, as they began spinning around as if drunk."
"Thanks, Zubat," grinned Jack, returning it to its Poké Ball.
After about another minute or so of walking, Jack finally saw buildings in the distance.
"Ah, Cerulean City!" he exclaimed. "My second gym badge awaits!"
"You probably don't even know what type of Pokémon that gym specializes in," retorted the Pokédex.
"Sure, I do," said Jack. "Cerulean Gym's leader, Misty, specializes in the Water-type."
"No, Jack, it specializes in the Wa- How the hell did you know that?!" demanded the Pokédex, having clearly expected Jack to give a wrong answer.
"What?" asked Jack. "So I can't know a little bit about the gyms of Kanto? So I can't do a little research beforehand? So I can't know the type of the gym before I battle in it?"
"You only know this stuff because you think Misty is hot, don't you?"
"Hell, yeah."
-------------------
End Chapter 6
*Jack's Bulbasaur is revealed to know Vine Whip.
*Jack's Bulbasaur evolves into Ivysaur.
*Jack's Primeape learns Giga Impact, Mega Punch, and Mega Kick.
