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The Adventures of Violet Wolf (The Korrova Region)

Should the Chapters from the Other Website Replace the Chapters Here?

  • No

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • It Doesn't Matter

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Yes, But I Suggest You Don't

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • No, But I Suggest You Do

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Some, but not ALL of Them

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    1
  • Poll closed .
Status
Not open for further replies.

ChewieJ

Pokémon Writer
Another Set of Updates!

Wow, do I have news for you. Sit back on your chair because this is gonna be a long one.

Well let me start things off by saying Chapters 1 to 5 have been fixed. I gotta admit, I'm proud and ashamed at the same time. I knew I wasn't as good in writing back then, but...just...wow. I'm just glad I fixed them.

Second, Chapter 13 is finished...by 75%. I still have to re-read and revise it so it doesn't have a bazillion mistakes. When I said it would be a game-changer, I was not kidding. I'm the one writing it, and even I'M blown away by what's in it. It's considerably longer than the previous chapters, that's for sure, and has a lot more stuff. It almost makes the previous chapters look tame...almost. I don't know what you guys will think, but I'm pretty sure I have to re-read the fic-writing rules before publishing it. And in case you ask, yes, the chapter will have a warning; so watch out.

Third, I'm back to writing stories in another big fan fiction website. I don't know if I'm allowed to say which one, but if you're curious and look it up, my pseudonym is When the Sun Rises. I also publish Pokémon fics in that site, including two other stories I published in this site that I'm moving, and moved, to that site. Why does this concern you?

Because this story's next.

That's right, I'm moving this story to the other website. Don't worry, I'll still publish chapters in this site; the other website will just have a better version. Some of the short chapters will be compressed into individual chapters and revised and rewritten, if need be. Why am I doing this? For one thing, it's to fix the story so it's not amateur-ish. The other is to publish the other books.

Oh, I'm sorry; that was a big one. Let me separate that into its own number.

Fourth, this story will be expanded into a series of books. This story, the one you're reading, and I'm writing, right now, will be the first. So far, I'm thinking the series will have three books, but who knows? This book has so much stuff happening, it might be extended to another book. So, four? I don't know, we'll see.

I'll publish the books both in this site and the other so you can choose which site you want to read them on. I'll let you know when the story is published on the other site, but it'll take a while. I'm working on several stories at once---which reminds me!

Fifth, to make sure I publish chapters regularly, I arranged deadlines regarding when the next chapter of each story will be published. For this story, the deadline is the beginning of every month. The schedule will be in effect starting next month, when I publish Chapter 13. Since I'm good with deadlines, you can depend on me to update in time. If I don't, kindly pardon me. It may come as a shock to some of you, but I do have a life, and it likes to screw with me sometimes. What if my laptop breaks and/or my phone gets stolen? I'll find another way to update, of course, but just lower your expectations. That way, you'll be less disappointed and more pleasantly surprised.

That's it for now. The next post will be the great Chapter 13. Isn't that exciting?
 

ChewieJ

Pokémon Writer
Chapter 09 (The End of Indolence)

Warning: The chapter contains blood, violence, and censored language. Reader discretion is advised.


He knew he was going to die, he just didn't know when. If his body didn't drop dead, a healthier, stronger predator would eat it instead. He could only hide for so long until one found him---or until he gave up and plop in front of one.

The weather and malnutrition was making him delusional, but at the times he thought he was sane, he wondered if he was being punished. What evil could he have done to deserve this? Did he break a law? Did he cause harm to others? Did he bow to something that shouldn't be worshiped? His guess was as good as any. He was only ten years old.

There were times when he thought of collapsing to the ground---death could take him faster that way. But no matter how many times he fell, he couldn't stay on the ground. Something inside him, no matter how tiny and faint, always pushed him up. Whether it was a little voice speaking to him, or several voices at once, he didn't know. All he knew was that needed to do that something first.

The question was, what?

Something snapped. He immediately stiffened, turning to the source. He didn't know whether to fight or run, so he stood there, frozen.

A tall figure, almost seven feet, emerged from the trees. His four legs stood strong and prominently---his blue skin as light as the sky above. What fascinated the boy most were his horns. They were long, sharp, and streaked like lightning bolts.

"What is your name?" the figure asked.

The boy hesitated, unsure whether to answer that question. But what did he have to lose? The only reason he was still alive was because the creature willed it. If the creature only asked for his name in return, why refuse?

"K-Keldeo, sir."

"Where is your family?" the creature continued. "Your friends?"

Keldeo frowned. "Gone." He was suddenly very sad.

The creature stepped closer. He looked the boy up and down, noticing his burns and scars. The boy's ribs protruded through his yellow fur; a few patches exposed raw muscle.

"Tell me, child," the creature commanded, "did humans do this to you?"

Keldeo's eyes widened.

"Yes," Keldeo whispered. "Yes, they did."

The creature didn't look surprised. He stepped even closer until the boy was directly below him. The boy wasn't looking at him anymore. He was staring at the ground next to his feet, overwhelmed by emotions the creature knew to well. He reminded him of himself when he was his age, as did many pokémon he met along the way.

"Get up."

Keldeo looked up.

"You're coming with me," the creature declared.

Keldeo's eyes stayed blank, but were looking at him. "Where?"

"To life, redemption," the creature answered. "The humans took your home, your friends, and your family. Are you going to sit there and let them take more?"

Keldeo froze.

"No."

"Then come with me, child," the creature ordered. "Avenge your homeland."

Keldeo stood up, his bony legs wobbling as he did so. Despite his pitiful state, Keldeo stared at the creature with hardiness. The creature was taken aback, but dismissed it.

"What's your name?" Keldeo demanded.

"Cobalion," Cobalion answered. He was even more disturbed, but didn't show it.

"Alright, Cobalion," Keldeo smirked. "Let's go."

---

When Matt and Lucy arrived at the beach house, everyone was eating in the kitchen. Even Azurill had a food bowl next to their table, munching away her pellets.

When they knocked on the front door, they were greeted by Agatha and Truman. Agatha gave Lucy a hug, and Truman shook Matt's hand.

"Oh, it's nice to see you, dear," Agatha pulled away. "It's nice to see you too, Matt."

"Thanks, Agatha," Matt nodded curtly.

"Mom, where's Violet?" Lucy asked.

"In the living room with Taboden," Agatha answered.

Lucy immediately ran inside. When she saw the kids in the living room, she almost dropped to the floor.

"Violet!"

"Lucy?" Violet stood up. "Lucy!"

"Oh, honey!" Lucy ran and engulfed Violet into a hug. "Oh, I'm so glad you're alright!" she said. "Are you hurt? Wait, your arm!"

Lucy pulled away and looked at Violet's arm. Violet didn't seem too traumatized, and her arm seemed okay.

"We need to run x-rays," Lucy examined the arm. "I can't know for sure if your arm is good until I see x-rays."

"What's an x-rays?" Violet asked.

"It's a machine that can see your bones," Taboden answered.

Violet jumped. "Why can't we see it now?"

Violet quickly ripped the newspaper and towels off, shocking everyone in the room. Lucy tried to stop her, but Violet was persistent. Then she saw the arm itself, and no words could explain her shock.

"Woah," Taboden bent the arm himself. "Your arm! It's all better!"

Violet squealed and performed a little dance. Taboden and Azurill, sharing in her delight, quickly joined in.

"Look, Lucy!" Violet cheered, waving the arm around. "It's all better!"

Lucy's eyes were wide as can be. "I-Impossible..."

"Yeah."

Lucy and the kids turned around.

"I thought she was injured," Matt stood behind Lucy, crossing his arms.

Violet blinked and stared at the man. "Who are you?"

"This is my husband, Matt," Lucy introduced. She stood up and put a hand on his shoulder. "Matt, where have you been?"

"I was talking to Agatha and Truman," Matt answered. He quickly tucked a notepad in his pocket, but Lucy caught the act.

"Were you interrogating my mother?" Lucy demanded.

"Relax," Matt sighed. "I was only talking to her. Just like I have to talk to this girl---who I'm assuming is Violet?"

Taboden immediately stood in front of Violet.

"I just need to ask you a few questions," Matt said to Violet. "Is that okay?"

"What if she doesn't want to talk to you?" Taboden asserted.

Matt scowled. He marched past Lucy and looked Taboden in the eye.

"Two people are in the hospital," Matt told the boy. "The last one to see them awake is the girl you're protecting."

"Are you saying she hurt them?" Taboden demanded.

"I'm saying I need to find out," Matt remarked. "So could you step aside so I can do that?"

Taboden stomped his foot. "No!"

"Taboden!"

Truman and Agatha were standing in the hallway. Truman heard Taboden's outbursts and was very disappointed.

"Taboden, come here!" Truman called again. "You father wants you home."

"No!" Taboden barked. "I'm not leaving Violet with him!"

"Taboden!" Agatha scolded. "Behave yourself! Matt is a sergeant!"

"I don't care!" Taboden remarked. "I'm not leaving Violet!"

"Taboden, wait..."

Taboden turned around. A hand was holding the upper part of his arm.

"Are those people in the hospital," Violet turned to Matt, "hurt?"

"Yes," Matt nodded. "That's why they're in the hospital. Hospitals treat people who are hurt."

Violet bit back a gasp.

"Are those people," she gulped, "I-Ian and Alakazam?"

"Yes," Matt's frown deepened. "Yes they are."

"Who's Ian and Alakazam?" Taboden asked.

"I'll talk to you," Violet said, stepping away from Taboden.

Taboden gasped. "But Vi---"

"It's okay," Violet assured him. She held his hand with both hands and looked him in the eyes.

"Thank you, again," she said, "for saving my life."

Taboden frowned, but reluctantly stepped aside. He was about to walk away, but turned back to Violet.

"Will I see you again?" he asked.

Violet blinked. Not even she knew the answer to that question. But something told her they would meet again, so she nodded.

"Yes," she told him. "You will."

Taboden beamed. He took her hand and squeezed it before running back to Truman. They waved them all goodbye before exiting the front door.

"Mom," Lucy called out.

Agatha finished locking the door and returned to the living room. "Yes?"

"Could you give us a moment?" Lucy requested.

"Of course," Agatha nodded. She looked at her daughter, then Violet, then Matt, and walked away. "I'll be in the kitchen."

When the kitchen door closed, Violet turned to Lucy.

"Why do you call Agatha 'mom'?" she asked.

Lucy smiled and knelt down to face her. "Because she's my mother, dear," Lucy answered. "When I helped Truman cope with the death of his wife, he convinced his employer to hire my mother."

Lucy looked at the spot her mother was standing and smiled. "I'm so grateful," she added. "It keeps my mother close to me."

"What's a 'mother'?" Violet asked.

Lucy opened her mouth, but suddenly gasped and stood up. She ran back to her husband, confusing Violet.

"Okay, that's enough."

Matt walked to the front of the couch and jerked his head to it. "Could you sit on the couch please?"

Violet frowned, but obeyed. She walked to the brown couch and sat on it. "Who are you?" she asked. Lucy answered her earlier, but she had to hear it from him.

"My name is Matt Burns," Matt answered. "I'm a sergeant. I do whatever it takes to keep the people and pokémon here safe."

He glanced at Lucy before glaring at Violet.

"Anything."

"Matt," Lucy quietly protested.

"Do you think I'd hurt her?" Violet questioned. "Hurt Lucy?"

"That's what I'm here to find out."

"But I would never hurt her!" Violet told him. She turned to Lucy, who was avoiding her gaze. "I would never hurt you, Lucy."

Lucy continued to avoid eye contact.

"Would you hurt Ian and Alakazam?" Matt asked.

Violet gasped. "Never!"

"Then why are they in the hospital?"

"I-I don't know," Violet shook her head. "I really don't."

"What happened at the lab last night?" Matt interrogated.

Violet took a shaky breath. She really didn't want to remember. She had been shutting out memories since Taboden saved her. But she had to say something. Lucy had to trust her again.

"When I woke up..." Violet shut her eyes. The memories were returning, and she tried not to fight them, "I saw purple smoke...and a wall. It was thin and...I could see right through it, but...it kept something from breaking in."

Matt took out his notepad and started writing.

"Alakazam looked exhausted," Violet continued. "I think...she was the one that set up the wall. She was trying to protect me."

"From what?" Matt asked.

"I don't know," Violet shook her head. "It looked like a black...round thing...with eyes and teeth. But the eyes---the parts that were supposed to be white, were red. Are eyes supposed to be red?"

"No..." Lucy whispered. She was staring at Violet, grasping her every word.

"Purple smoke, round, eyes, and teeth," Matt listed. "Sounds like a gastly."

Violet flinched. That thi---no! She stopped herself immediately. She didn't have to remember that.

"But gastlies' eyes aren't red," Matt countered.

"Maybe it was angry," Lucy suggested.

"Why would it be angry?" Matt asked her. "Better yet..."

He turned to Violet.

"Why was it attacking you?"

Violet gasped. The question hit her like a trigger. She remembered the gastly speaking to her, and understood every word.

"He said..."

A tear fell.

"He said I killed them."

Lucy gasped.

"Killed who?" Matt demanded.

"His friends," Violet choked. "At the temple. He said I killed them."

Lucy's eyes widened.

"But I don't know what he's talking about!" Violet shook. "I don't know what a "temple" is, I don't know what a "friends" is, I don't know what "kill" is, I don--"

Violet covered her face and screamed. Lucy immediately rushed to her side, wrapping an arm around her.

"Matt, that's enough," Lucy declared.

"But we're not done here."

"The girl is crying," Lucy insisted. "Give her a break."

"DON'T YOU SEE THAT'S HOW SHE'S CONTROLLING YOU?"

Lucy and Violet jumped. Matt, who was composed a second ago, was seething with rage. But something else was in his eyes, something Violet knew but couldn't describe.

"She didn't only affect you, but Taboden, Truman, and your mother too!" Matt continued. "Why would I show this girl any mercy? So she could control me too?"

Violet gaped. "W-what..."

"Don't play innocent with me, kid!" Matt pointed at her. "I don't know who or what you are, but I'm not going to let anyone else suffer because of you!"

"Matt, stop it!" Lucy scolded.

"If Lucy stayed at the lab," Matt shook his head, "if I hadn't called her so much she had to go home, what would've happened? Would she be at the hospital too?"

"Matt, please," Lucy insisted.

Matt turned to his wife. He looked into her pleading eyes and shook his head again.

"I just want to protect you," he told her. "I can't believe you're allowing her to turn you against me."

"I'm not against you," Lucy stated.

"Really?" Matt scoffed. "Whose side are you on right now?"

"I'm just trying to make sense of the situation, just like you," Lucy told him. "You can't just blame Violet for everything that happened. Lucario said she needed protecting, and he was right! She was attacked last night, and Ian and Alakazam tried to protect her!"

"Yeah, about that," Matt glared at Violet. "What happened to the gastly? Why was there no gastly when we arrived at the lab?"

Violet stiffened.

"Maybe he ran away," Lucy told him. "Maybe when Alakazam's Protect went up, or when you and the officers showed up. Either way, Violet can't be blamed; she was the victim!"

"IF she was the victim."

Matt pointed at Violet. "You better hope Ian and Alakazam live to support your story, kid," he threatened, "because if they don---"

A beeping noise stopped him. Matt grunted. He knew what that ringtone meant.

"It's my boss," Matt sighed. "I gotta take this." Then he glared at Violet. "There better not b---"

"We'll be fine," Lucy assured. Matt grunted again and went out the front door.

"I d-don't like him very-ry much," Violet stated.

"No, don't say that," Lucy rubbed Violet's shoulder. "He's just doing his job. He's not always like that."

"Then wh-why is he like that now?" Violet wiped her tears. "Can't he be n-nicer to me?"

"He's usually more patient," Lucy nodded, "but he's always more sensitive when it comes to me. I'm his wife, after all."

"Does he have to be so mean though?" Violet asked.

Lucy sighed. "No, no he doesn't."

"So why is he so mean?"

Lucy straightened up and looked Violet in the eyes.

"Several years ago," she started, "Matt's parents, the people who gave birth to and raised him, were murdered. That's another word for 'killed'. It means someone took them away from him forever."

Violet gasped.

"I know," Lucy nodded solemnly. "What's worse is that the police never found out who did it. It's why Matt decided to be a police officer, to find the killer himself."

"Is that why that...gastly wanted to hurt me?" Violet asked, "and why your husband wants to do the same thing?"

Lucy gasped. "Don't say that, Violet!" she scolded. "My husband would never hurt you!"

"So why is he so mean?" Violet asked again.

Lucy sighed. "Well, Violet," she combed Violet's hair with her fingers, "when you lose someone you love, it changes you. Matt was a wonderful man, and still is. But ever since he lost his parents, he became fearful. His 'mean-ness' is just his way of showing he's scared. Do you understand?"

Violet looked down. "Yeah," she nodded. "I think I do. But what's 'love'?"

"Oh, honey," Lucy laughed out. She shook her head, remembering the times she asked herself the same question. "Love is a lot of things."

"Does it make you scared like your husband?" Violet asked.

"Oh, yes," Lucy nodded. "But it can also make you very brave---make decisions you normally wouldn't do when you're scared."

"Like what?" Violet asked.

"Like," Lucy looked at Violet, "like continuing to care for someone," she said, "knowing that someone could hurt you."

"Why would they hurt you?" Violet asked.

"I don't know," Lucy sighed, "but it's the risk you have to take. You can only hope that person loves you back so they're taking the risk too."

"Do you love me, Lucy?" Violet asked.

Lucy gasped. She didn't expect her to ask that kind of question. But the girl was staring at her, waiting.

Lucy bit her lip and looked forward. She didn't say anything for a while, not knowing whether she didn't know the answer or was scared of it. But she looked at Violet again, and the answer was clear.

"Yes," Lucy answered. "I do."

Violet beamed. "Good."

Lucy stiffened.

"Because I love you too."

Violet leaned in and gave Lucy a hug. Lucy shivered and bit back tears. Her arms eventually encircled the girl, hugging her back.

"Lucy."

The ladies turned to see Matt back in the room. "I need to talk to you," he said.

Lucy blinked. Her husband no longer looked upset, but looked...she couldn't describe it.

Lucy slowly pulled away from Violet and stood up. She looked at Violet, who was pouting from her absence. "I'll be back."

Violet frowned. "Okay..."

Violet watched as the couple disappeared into the hallway. She grasped her stomach, feeling it twist and turn.

Something was wrong.

"It's about time they left."

Violet yelped and fell back.

"Surprised to see me?" the figure with no eyes said. "You didn't think I was stuck on that bridge, did you?"

Violet didn't know what to be scared of more. The fact that the figure was sitting next to her, or the fact it was also wearing Taboden's clothes.

"Wh-why are you here?" Violet asked.

It pouted. "Why?" it asked. "Aren't you happy to see me?"

"I mean it!"

"Okay, okay, no need to get mad," it smirked. "Just know that you're the only one who can see and hear me, so lower your voice unless you want these people to be even more scared of you."

"You're," Violet blinked, "you're not real?"

"Of course I'm real---I'm you!" it said. "No one else can see you because nobody knows you. But you do, and I do."

"You're not me!" Violet barked. "Leave me alone!"

"But then who else is going to take care of you?" it crossed its arms. "You didn't think that arm healed itself, did you?"

Violet opened her mouth, but stopped herself. She didn't know how injuries worked, but from everyone's reaction earlier, she knew hers didn't heal normally.

"Y-you," Violet stammered, "you healed my arm?"

"But of course I did!" it answered. "You didn't think it was that quack doctor, Lucy, did you?"

Violet glared at it, but then gasped.

"You..."

It raised an eyebrow.

"You're the reason this is happening!" Violet pointed. "You're the reason no one can trust me!"

The figure frowned. "Is that so?"

"Everyone thinks I'm a monster because of you!" Violet hissed. "Nobody could trust me because of you! These people aren't the enemy. You are!"

The figure inched back. A flash of hurt appeared on its face, but it disappeared as soon as it came.

"Fine," the figure stood up. "Live in this world without me. Die for all I care!"

Violet watched as it stomped towards the window. Then it stopped, its back facing her.

"Just remember this," it said. "This world may seem kind now, but it will hate you. When it does, you will come back to me."

"N-no," Violet shook her head. "No I won't!"

The figure turned around, crinkling its eye-less holes.

"Yes you will."

And disappeared.

---

Ardonis's steps echoed as he marched to his and Melena's bedchamber. He marched rather stiffly, unnerved by the discussion he had with his associates. His eyes darted left and right. His fists trembled at his sides.

When he opened the chamber doors, he expected Melena to be sleeping on their bed. She wasn't.

"Melena!" Ardonis cried, running inside the room. "Melena!"

"Out here..."

Ardonis ran to the balcony and sighed. Melena was at the railings again, looking at the trees below. When he approached her side, however, she was crying.

"Melena!" Ardonis pulled her to him. "Melena, what's wrong?"

"You w-were right."

"About what?"

"About our child!" Melena choked. "They're going to kill it, Ard-donis. The child we always wanted will be t-taken away from us!"

Ardonis grunted, pulling her even closer.

"Is this the cost?" Melena asked him. "We could have a ch-child, but it would be k-killed the second we h-hold it?"

Ardonis suddenly hated the child. Melena was never that upset until that child came along. The child was a curse! It brought them the exact harm he expected it to bring.

"Maybe it's for the best," Ardonis told her. "That child has caused us nothing but trouble."

Melena gasped, pushing herself away from him.

"How could you say that?" she demanded. "This is our child!"

"And look at what it's causing us!" Ardonis remarked. "Do you think we would have all these problems if that thing was never here?"

"How dare you," Melena hissed. "We risked our lives to get this child! This thing is your child as much as it is mine!"

"But I never wanted it!" Ardonis reminded her. "You were the one begging me to have one!"

"Are you saying it's my fault now?" Melena demanded.

"No!"

"Then whose fault IS IT?"

"THE CHILD'S!" Ardonis snapped. "It's the child's fault! So let me get rid of it so we don't have to deal with it anymore!"

Melena staggered back.

"Don't you dare," she hissed. "If you're going to kill it, you have to KILL ME FIRST!"

Ardonis growled, but then gasped. Melena kept her distance, watching his every move.

"My love," Ardonis shook, "what...what are we doing?"

Melena started shaking too.

"We're turning against each other," Ardonis realized. "We can't...we can't do this, Melena. You're the o-only one I have."

Melena gasped and cupped her mouth.

"I-I'm," she trembled. "I'm so sorry..."

"I'm sorry too," Ardonis returned, engulfing her in his arms. Melena buried herself in his collar, crying into his shirt.

"There's only one person that can really solve this problem," Ardonis stated, combing her pink locks.

"Who?" Melena whispered, pulling him closer.

"The one who gave us the child in the first place."

Ardonis stared ahead.

"Jirachi."


---

Matt and Lucy trekked the halls until they reached the library. The library was a large room filled with bookshelves and couches. Sunlight illuminated the room, so the couple left the lights off.

"So what did your boss say?" Lucy asked, sitting on a green sofa.

"A lot," Matt sat beside her. "He and forensic team finished gathering evidence from the crime scene. The only evidence they could find for the possible intruder was a strand of black hair."

Lucy gasped.

"It's Violet's, right?" Matt asked.

"Yes," Lucy bit her lip. "She was asleep."

"The hair was processed in the evidence lab, along with other evidence that could give us clues to what happened," Matt continued. "There's just one problem."

"What's that?"

"The evidence lab was broken into by a couple of crooks," Matt answered. "They poisoned and killed many staff members and crashed the building's computer system. Not only was all the information wiped out, all the computers were wrecked beyond use. It's going to take weeks, maybe months, to get new ones, and millions of dollars to replace them."

Lucy inched back, shaking a little as she did so.

"But if you think that's bad," Matt shook his head, "the crooks also stole Violet's hair. So if you're still worried about keeping her a secret, don't worry. Without her hair, it's like she never existed."

Lucy gasped. "Wh-wha---"

"But there's even more," Matt added. "They stole one important device from the electronics room," he looked her in the eyes, "Ian's laptop."

Lucy staggered back. "N-no."

"Yes."

"A-are you sayi---"

"Yes," Matt answered. "That girl in the living room is working with criminals."

---

Melena gripped Ardonis's hand as they entered the mouth of the cave. The only source of light were tiny white dots floating freely around them. They didn't shine very brightly, but shone bright enough to reveal steps ascending to an altar. The altar itself, however, was hidden in shadow.

"Jirachi!" Ardonis called out. "Jirachi, we have returned!"

"As you have," a feminine voice replied.

Ardonis tightened his grip on Melena's hand before looking up the altar.

"Come closer,' the voice requested, "so we can speak more appropriately."

Ardonis helped Melena up the steps and made sure she didn't trip. As they started to climb, their eyes made out a line of pillars encircling the altar. The pillars were made of white rock and stood prominently like trees. Even with little light, the pillars stuck out in the darkness. If there was more light in the cave, their eyes would've hurt.

When the couple reached the altar, they thought they saw a slightly bigger ball of light. But the ball revealed to be a small humanoid creature, with black beady eyes and blue triangles hanging from their bottom. The creature had a curved seam on her belly, and flaps under her arms that gave the impression of sleeves. Her skin was white, but her large three-pointed cap and streamers were yellow. She was the embodiment of a falling star. Her only distinguishing feature were the blue tags on her cap. There were originally three, one for each point---but were reduced to two. One on the top point, and the other on the left one.

"Hello, Ardonis. Hello, Melena," Jirachi greeted. "My, I see the child is growing well."

Melena automatically clutched her womb, rubbing the area tenderly with her thumb.

"We need your help," Ardonis told the star-embodiment. "The child is in danger."

"Is that so?" Jirachi levitated closer. There was a small fountain at the center of the altar, and it was as white as the pillars surrounding them. Jirachi landed on its rim, her image reflecting on the water.

"Yes," Melena trudged to the fountain. "Our own friends and servants have turned against us. They will kill the child as soon as it is born!"

"That does sound troubling," Jirachi commented. "What are you going to do?"

"We don't know," Ardonis approached her. "That's why we came to you."

Jirachi smiled. "But of course."

She raised a hand and plucked the tag on her cap's left point. She extended her arm so the couple could see the paper.

"Just know that this wish," Jirachi said, "like the last one, will come at a cost."

"Yes, we know," Ardonis grumbled. "We're still paying the first one."

"But if it saves our child," Melena told her, "we'll take it."

Jirachi grinned. "Very well then."

She took the paper back, but continued to hold it up.

"First things first," she started, "why do you want to protect the child?"

Melena and Ardonis looked at each other. Melena's expression held one look, while Ardonis's held another.

"Because we love it," Melena turned to Jirachi. "Because we love our child."

Ardonis nodded.

Jirachi gave them a sly smile. "You may love the child, Melena," she told her, "but your husband doesn't."

Melena immediately turned to Ardonis, who was glaring at the wish-maker.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Ardonis spat. "I didn't want the child the first time we met you, but you still gave it to us!"

"Because you came along and asked," Jirachi remarked. "Now why is that?"

Ardonis turned to Melena, her sapphire eyes returning his gaze.

"Because Melena wanted a child," Ardonis answered, "and I wanted her to be happy."

Melena gasped. "Ardonis..."

"So you don't love the child, but you love your wife," Jirachi stated. The couple turned to look at her. "That will do."

"For what?" Melena asked.

"For your wish," Jirachi answered. "The reason you want to keep your child is because you love it. The reason your enemies want to kill it is because they don't."

"Where are you going with this?" Ardonis stepped closer.

"The love you two have is powerful," Jirachi told them. "If combined and embedded in your child, those who-so-much looks at the child will feel the same way you feel."

"You mean to say," Melena gasped, "whoever looks at our child will love it?"

"Precisely."

Melena and Ardonis staggered back. Love was a powerful thing. To have the child possess the power to elicit it from anyone and anything...

"What would be the cost?" Ardonis asked.

"Just as the last wish, I do not know for sure," Jirachi told him. "There is only one way to find out."

She extended the tag again.

Ardonis and Melena stepped further away and turned to each other. Melena grasped Ardonis's hand with one hand and her womb with another.

"It could save our child," Melena told him.

"Yes, but at what cost?" Ardonis asked.

"I don't know," Melena said, "but I love our child, I really do. I'll give anything to save it. Even my life."

Ardonis grabbed her hand with both hands. "Mele---"

"She's right. I'm the one that wanted this child, not you," Melena told him. "I can't let you suffer for the sake of my wants---not anymore. I have to do this on my own."

"No! Don't speak like that!" Ardonis ordered. When Melena looked offended, he scolded himself and turned away.

"What I meant to say is," he sighed, "if you want to make this wish, I...will pay it with you."

"Ardoni--"

"You're my wife, Melena," Ardonis reminded her. "And Jirachi was right about another thing. I love you---with all of my heart, my mind, everything else I have! I will not let you live without me, and I will not live without you!"

Tears welled in Melena's eyes. "Ardonis..."

She pulled him to her arms, sobbing onto his shoulder.

"I love you too," she told him. "I love you so much!"

"Then let's pay the price together," Ardonis leaned on her. "I may not love this child, but I will try. For you."

"Thank you," Melena clutched his shoulders. "Th-Thank you."

The two pulled back and looked at each other. The look in their eyes was powerful, and the grip they had on Melena's womb was strong. The couple may not have noticed, but Melena's body started glowing blue, and Ardonis's body, red. Their colors combined between them, creating a violet hue.

Jirachi grinned and held up the tag.

"What is the name of your child?"

Ardonis and Melena continued to look at each other. With the same thought forming in their heads, they smiled.

"Armeus."

The tag in Jirachi's hand lit up with purple light. An unknown language appeared on the tag, inscribing the paper with black ink. The violet light between Ardonis and Melena grew and grew until it surrounded them. The couple pulled away, finally noticing the light, and followed where it went.

Jirachi released the tag. The blue paper levitated out of her hands and stopped above the fountain. When the purple light hit it, it exploded, becoming a silver coin.

"You know how this works," Jirachi told them. "Once the coin hits the water, the wish is cast. If you change your mind, just catch it before it falls."

The couple turned to each other again once more. They also took each other's hand again---

and watched the coin fall into the water.


---

Violet remained on the couch with her knees curled and her eyes wide. She had been in that position since the figure left, and was shaking the whole time. Thoughts in her head raged like a storm. Why were Ian and Alakazam in the hospital? Why were Matt and Lucy taking so long? Were Ian and Alakazam okay? Why did Matt look strange when he came back? Was Lucy still on her side? What if Lucy came back and turned against her? What would she do? Who would she turn to?

And that thing. That thing. What was it? How could she see it outside her head? Was it even from her head? Why did it even exist? Was what it saying true? Could she even trust its words? What if that thing was right? But what if it was wrong? And why wo---

Violet gasped. She looked down and her eyes widened.

Her hands...they were glowing...black...

Violet rubbed her hands on her legs to get rid of it, but the darkness only grew. She rubbed again, and the darkness covered her forearms.

"No, no, no, no!" Violet tucked her hands between her legs. "Stop it, stop it, stop it!"

But the darkness didn't go away. Her thighs, which her hands were between, started glowing black as well.

"What's happening?" Violet croaked. "Why is this h-happening?"

She looked up to call for help, but stopped. Who would she call to? Everyone already thought she was a monster. If they saw what was happening to her now...

The darkness spread to her chest. Violet yelped and curled into a ball.

"Please," a tear trickled down her face. "Please stop, please."

The knob on the front door clicked. Two figures entered the building.

"Stop...go away..." Violet rocked back and forth. "Away...away...please go away..."

The figures entered the living room. They saw Violet curled on the couch, but what interested them was the darkness that surrounded her. They shuddered in their spots. It was so...so...dark...

One of them stepped forward. Violet gasped and looked up.

"Stay still, little girl," one of them, a man, commanded. "We're not going to hurt you."

"Who are you?" Violet demanded. The darkness flashed, engulfing her entire body. Violet gasped and staggered back.

"Such great power," the other, a woman, commented. "And you can't control it."

The darkness flashed again.

Violet sunk deeper into the couch. The intruders wore black full-body spandex, belts filled with gadgets, and white masks to cover their face. There weren't visible holes for their eyes, but Violet knew they could see her.

They were also getting closer.

"Go away!" Violet cried.

"No," the man shook his head. "Not until you come with us."

The intruders dug into their belts and took a gadget out. At a press of a button, red and white spheres enlarged in their hands.

Violet froze.

"Krookodile!"

"Malamar!"

The balls were thrown in the air.

"Let's go!"

The spheres unhinged and unleashed two beams of light. The lights then materialized, revealing creatures that were almost five feet tall.

"Malamar," the woman called out. "Take her away."

"Mala..."

The dark purple squid spread her tentacles. Her broad main body illuminated with yellow lights, spreading throughout her body.

Violet's eyes widened.

"Krookodile, get ready," the man commanded.

The maroon, black-striped crocodile leaned forward, smirking.

Violet slowly uncurled and rose from the couch. She took a step forward, then another. Malamar sneered, extending her tentacles to the girl.

"Stop!"

The intruders turned to their left. Matt was standing in the hallway. A gun was in his hand, ready to shoot.

"Oh how cute," the woman taunted. "The sergeant's trying to play hero."

"Stand down or I'll shoot!" Matt commanded.

"Matt!" Lucy called out, running to his side.

"Lucy, I told you to stay in the room!"

"Not while you're out here!"

"Ugh, these lovers are making me sick," the man grunted. "Krookodile, take care of them."

Krookodile sneered and charged towards the couple. Matt fired off shots, but the crocodile was too fast. He dodged each bullet with zig-zag movements, his jaws open for Matt's head.

Lucy screamed.

Violet snapped out of her trance and whipped to the couple.

"Lucy!" Violet reached out. "Lucy, no!"

The darkness burst, sending a wave of shadows through the room. Malamar and Krookodile were hit and knocked unconscious. The intruders were also hit, but fell to the ground, dead.

Matt quickly saw this and shoved Lucy behind a wall. The wave struck him when Lucy fell, hitting him in the chest. He fell to the ground, dead.

"Matt?" Lucy sat up, crawling to her husband's side. "Matt?"

Violet fell to the ground, gaping at the couple. She shook in place, realizing what she had done.

"Matt!" Lucy shook him. "Matt, baby, wake up! Please wake up!"

But Matt's eyes stayed closed, his body limp in Lucy's arms. Lucy pressed two fingers at the base of his neck.

"No..."

Lucy grabbed and shook him. "MATT!" she cried. "MA-A-ATT!"

She gripped his shirt, her tears spilling on his collar.

"Matt, please don't leave me!" she pleaded. "Matt, I'm sorry. Please don't leave me, please!"

But it was no use. Lucy shook and slowly backed away. She dropped his corpse and sat there, frozen.

Violet's tears streamed down her face. Lucy heard her whimpering and looked at her.

"L-Lucy!" Violet called out. "L-Lucy, I'm sorry!" she sobbed. "I-I'm sorry! I d-didn't mean to!"

Lucy stood up. She looked down at Violet weeping in the living room and approached her. Her eyes were blank, unreadable.

Violet trembled as Lucy stopped in front of her. Lucy knelt down, combed her hair, and placed a hand on her shoulder.

Violet's eyes widened. "L-Lu---"

She was knocked to the ground, unconscious. Lucy lifted her up, her fist still raised.

"I," Lucy hissed, "am so tired of you."

She punched her again.

---

"Cobalion, where have you been?"

When Keldeo looked ahead, he saw two more towering figures. The one that called out to Cobalion was green and slender. The other was gray and shorter, but compensated with his broad physique. When the two spotted Keldeo, Keldeo almost tripped.

"Who's this?" the green one asked.

"His name is Keldeo," Cobalion spoke. "He will be joining our group."

"Him?" the green one approached the boy. "But he's so little!"

"What good could he be to our team?" the gray one inquired. "Look at him, he is weak. He will only be a burden us."

Keldeo growled, but cowered when the gray one turned to him.

"We will train him to be strong," Cobalion told them. "Once we're done with him, he will be an asset we can rely on."

"But he's just a kid," the green one remarked. He turned to Keldeo. "How old are you, kid?"

"T-ten."

"Step back, Virizion," Cobalion commanded. "You're scaring him."

"Even more of a reason he can't be with us," Virizion remarked. "If he can't face me, how much more if he faces the humans?"

Everyone stopped and turned to Keldeo. Keldeo was shaking, his eyes turning steely. Keldeo wasn't looking at them anymore. He was staring past them, his pupils shrinking every second.

"Give him time," Cobalion told them. "His home was destroyed by humans. We won't have to worry about keeping him motivated. He will work his hardest."

"As he should," the gray one stated, "because we're not taking it easy on him."

Keldeo turned to the gray one. To everyone's surprise, the gray one stepped back.

"Don't tell me you're scared of the kid, Terrakion?" Virizion teased.

Terrakion grunted and stomped off. "Let's just go."

Cobalion smirked as Virizion continued pestering him. He then turned to Keldeo, who was glaring at them.

"Don't be angry at them, Keldeo," Cobalion told him. "They are not the enemies."

"No," Keldeo said, remembering flames and machines. "No, they're not."

---

Lucy froze.

Krookodile and Malamar rose to their feet as they slowly gained consciousness. The first thing they did was check on their trainers. Lucy watched their expressions contort from fear to sheer terror. They bent their heads and wailed, holding their trainers against them.

Then they turned to Lucy, and their expressions changed again.

Lucy tightened her grip on Violet as the pokémon approached them. The look on their faces was terrifying. Never before had she seen such rage. But Lucy wasn't frightened. She returned to her feet and raised her chin.

"Back off," she ordered. "If anybody's going to finish off this b****, it's going to be me."

Krookodile protracted his claws, and Malamar extended her tentacles. Lucy braced herself as the creatures lunged.

But the attack never came.

Krookodile's claw stopped just inches from Lucy's eye when another figure entered the room. Just like the previous intruders, the figure wore a white mask that covered his entire face. The only difference between his attire and theirs was that a black cloak covered his body, and a hood covered his head.

Lucy narrowed her eyes. He was the one that called off the pokémons' attack, but why did they listen to him? Was he their trainer too?

"Hello, Dr. Burns," the man greeted. "I'm glad you aren't harmed."

Lucy hissed.

"Hand over the girl, please," the man extended a hand. "We'll take her from here."

Lucy tightened her grip on Violet. "What are you going to do to her?"

"We're going to take her somewhere far away," the man answered, "somewhere she won't harm anyone anymore."

"No," Lucy pulled Violet close. "She's mine."

"Are you trying to save her?" the man asked.

"I'm trying to kill her," Lucy corrected. "If anybody's going to get their hands on this b****, it's me."

The man expected this, but Lucy didn't know that. She only watched as he redirected his hand.

"Alright then," the man gestured behind him. "Bring her in."

Lucy gasped as Agatha was pulled into the room. Agatha tried to get out of his henchmen's, who looked just like the intruders from earlier, hold, but failed.

"Lucy!" Agatha called out. "Do what he says; they're dangerous people!"

"Listen to your mother, Dr. Burns," the man instructed. "We don't want your mother to end up like your husband, do we?"

Lucy snarled. "Let her go!"

"Give us the girl," the man told her, "and we will give you your mother."

Lucy's chest was heaving with rage. She glared at the masked man, and then at her mother. Her fingers slowly loosened her grip until, finally, Violet was on the ground.

The man raised his head. "A wise choice."

He flicked his wrist, and the henchmen struck Agatha's back. They continued to hold her, however, as they laid her on the ground.

Lucy gasped. "What did you DO?"

"Don't worry, she is only unconscious," the man assured. "I have something to say that your mother can't be present for."

Lucy's glare intensified. "What do you want?"

"Your services."

Lucy widened her eyes.

"You have extended knowledge on subjects that serve me greatly," the man continued. "You will be great asset to my organization. With your help, we can achieve this organization's goal."

Lucy glared at him. "And what goal is that?"

"To cleanse this world of these," he pointed at Violet, "beasts."

Lucy looked down at Violet, who was still unconscious.

"If you join me," the man continued, "you will not only avenge your husband and your friends, you will also avenge every other person on this planet that has suffered from these," he reaffirmed his point, "monsters."

Lucy said nothing. Her hands were clenched, and her chest was heaving.

The man waved his hand again. The henchmen left Agatha's side and ran to Violet's body. Lucy only watched as they carried her away, her eyes still intense.

"If you change your mind..."

A card slipped out from the man's sleeve.

"Call us."

Lucy watched the henchmen exit through the front door. The man held up the card to her before placing it on Agatha's body.

"We are everywhere," the man told Lucy. "If you decide to call us, we will come."

The man turned around, leaving without another word. Krookodile and Malamar returned to their trainers' sides and lifted them on their backs. They gave Lucy one last look before following the man outside.

When the door finally closed, Lucy ran to her mother. She checked for a pulse and sighed. She was still alive.

Something fell on the ground, and Lucy picked it up. It was the card. The card was white and blank, but did say one word.

"Absterge"

Lucy frowned. She checked the card from front to back, but found nothing more. She became angry and checked again, but still found nothing more.

Then she stopped. Why was she getting mad? Why was she even looking? She wasn't going to join this man and his faceless henchmen. Not now, not ever.

Then she saw Matt from the corner of her eyes. His head was facing her, his eyes closed.

Lucy bit her lip. For a moment, she thought he was sleeping. She imagined him opening his eyes, sitting up, and shooting her a goofy grin. She waited for a moment, expecting him to do just that.

But he didn't. Of course he didn't. He was dead now. And it was all becaus---

Lucy looked up.

Sirens.

Cops burst into the vicinity with guns and searched the house. One of them stopped to look at Matt. He checked his pulse, then backed away slowly.

"He's dead, Bert," Lucy called out. The cop looked up and ran to her.

"Lucy!" Bert called out. His shaggy blonde hair bounced as he knelt beside her. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"A bunch of men came in and," Lucy paused, "attacked Matt. They used some kind of dark type attack. Maybe a Dark Pulse."

Bert growled. "Did they hit you too?"

"No," Lucy answered. "Matt pushed me behind the wall so it wouldn't."

Bert sighed and fell back. He raked his scalp and turned back to Matt. A white sheet started covering Matt from foot to head. Bert then grunted as his best friend was carried away.

"I'm so sorry, Lucy," Bert groaned, for her grief as well as his own. Then he looked down at the old woman on Lucy's lap. "Is that..."

"My mother, yes," Lucy confirmed. "The men knocked her out."

"Arceus," Bert cursed, raking his scalp again. He stood up and paced as medics came for Agatha. Lucy slipped the card in her pocket so no one could see it.

No one did.

Bert turned back to Lucy, his green eyes wide and teary.

"I-I..." he stammered, "need you to go downtown with me and m-make a final statement. We also need you to answer a few questions. Is th-that okay?"

Lucy nodded. "Of course," she said. "Just take me to the hospital after. I want to see my mom."

"Okay," Bert sighed, helping her to her feet. He then looked at Lucy's face. "Are you okay, Lucy?" he asked. "Not that I want you to be hysterical or anything. I just didn't expect you to be handling this so well."

Lucy looked back at him. "I guess having a cop as a husband for so long desensitized me."

Bert grunted, catching the bitterness in her voice. He placed a hand on her back and escorted her outside.

---

Melena screamed. Her head fell back on her pillow before curling back up.

"Push, dear!" Ardonis gripped her hand. "It's almost out!"

Ardonis and Melena were inside a stone temple high on top of a mountain. It was the safest place they could think to go when the child was being born. Jirachi warned them the birth would be painful, but they never imagined the pain would be that bad.

Melena screamed again. Her eyes sporadically changed from being full of life to empty and dull. The twisted cycle terrified Ardonis to tears. He gripped Melena's hand, praying the next time she returned his grip, it would stay there.

Melena screamed one last time, louder than the rest, and fell back. Ardonis gasped and took her in his arms. Her eyes were closed, and her body was limp.

"No," Ardonis shook his head. "NO!"
 
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ChewieJ

Pokémon Writer
Chapter 09 (Continued)

A high-pitched scream broke through the air, but Ardonis paid it no heed. He gripped Melena's shoulders, tears falling on her cheeks.

"Melena!" Ardonis cried. "Melena, my love, wake up. Please wake up!"

A hand rose to his face, stroking his cheekbone. Ardonis gasped. Melena looked at him with tired eyes, comforting him with a smile.

"Don't cry, my love," she hushed. "I'm right here."

Ardonis immediately embraced her, sobbing into her hair. Melena smiled and returned his embrace. They laid like that for a few moments, relieved by each other's presence. Then the unfamiliar screeching reached Melena's ears, and Melena gasped.

"A-Ardonis," Melena groaned, gently pushing him away. "Our child," she squeaked, "let me hold it."

Ardonis grumbled, but when he looked at his wife, who was pale and covered in sweat, he reluctantly obeyed. He kissed Melena on the eye before running to her legs. Between them was a tiny creature flailing about. Its cries continued to pierce his ears, making Ardonis cringe at the high register. Ardonis wanted to be angry. Not only did the creature nearly kill his wife, it was covered in her blood.

But to his surprise, he felt no anger. He only picked the creature up and stared.

Ardonis jumped when the temple started shaking. Melena, who was too tired to scream, only froze in place. Ardonis felt the same dread she felt; but before he could run to her, the temple's doors burst open, revealing a line of people he knew too well.

"Ardonis!" one of them said. "Give us the child!"

"No!" Ardonis yelled. The child let out a scream, turning everyone's attention to it.

"That's it!" Another person in the line said. "Get it!"

Ardonis cursed and tucked the child to his chest. He ran to Melena's side as the line of people charged.

Then, as if by instinct, he screamed.

"ARMEUS!"

Everyone stopped. A wave of white light burst from Ardonis's chest. When Ardonis pulled back, he saw the light was actually coming from the child.

The child screamed as light spread to the worlds beyond. Melena cried out in joy. Ardonis was trembling.

The line of people drew closer. Ardonis stood back, ready to fight.

Then, one by one, they started to bow.
 
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ChewieJ

Pokémon Writer
Updates!

Hey, everyone! How are you all doing?

First off, I'm really glad you guys liked Chapter 13. The story's views sky-rocketed after I posted it. It's safe to say it blew your minds like I predicted. It blew my mind, that's for sure.

Second, the poll I posted no longer serves its purpose. The only reason it's still there is because I don't know how to delete it. I decided to make the chapters here similar to the chapters on the other site. It would be ridiculous for a story to have two different versions. If you're curious on how that's going to turn out, just re-read Chapter 01. It has a title now, ooooo. If you want to vote on the poll anyway, though, go ahead. It will let me know your opinions, if you have any.

Third, I decided not to post Chapter 14 until all the chapters here are fixed, revised, and posted on the other site. So far, I only published three chapters. Don't panic; chapters 1 to 3 on the other site is Chapters 1 to 5 here. I'm combining some chapters, remember? It won't be long until I have the sites completely synced. Then Chapter 14 (which will be Chapter 10 once everything's fixed) will be like a celebratory post.

Anyway, that's it for now. If Chapter 14 is a bit late, you'll know why, but I'll try to finish it in time. I'm anxious to keep the story going as you guys are. I'll keep posting updates not just to keep you guys OUT of the dark, but motivate me to keep writing as well.

I'm hard at work, guys. Hope you enjoy the results.
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
Second, the story's ratings have changed from rated T to M. From where the story is going from here, I decided my story should be rated according to as follows:

"Not suitable for children or teens below the age of 16 with non-explicit suggestive adult themes, references to some violence, or coarse language...can contain adult language, themes and suggestions (FanFiction.net Guidelines)."

In short, the story will contain dark, mature, violent, and sexual content, but nothing explicit. It honestly isn't going to be THAT brutal. Compared to other stories in the site, mine might still be tame in comparison. But just to be safe, here's a warning. I read the site's rules again, and I hope I'm following it correctly.

Anyway, that would be it for now. Chapter 13, everyone. Enjoy.

Warning: The chapter contains blood, violence, and censored language. Reader discretion is advised.

I have to lick my lips here, that's the good stuff. :p

He knew he was going to die, he just didn't know when. If his body didn't drop dead, a healthier, stronger predator would eat it instead. He could only hide for so long until one found him---or until he gave up and plop in front of one.

I appreciate what you're going for here, but just because his body dies doesn't mean a predator can't eat it. You might want to clarify that a bit.

Also, interesting choice to begin right in the middle of the action with someone who (I assume) we haven't seen before. I'm curious to see more.

The weather and malnutrition was making him delusional, but at times he thought he was sane, he wondered if he was being punished. What evil could he have done to deserve this? Did he break a law? Did he cause harm to others? Did he bow to something that shouldn't be worshiped? His guess was as good as any. He was only ten years old.

I think I'd insert "the" between "at" and "times." "...but at the times he thought he was sane, he wondered if he was being punished." It conveys your idea more clearly.

There were times when he thought of collapsing to the ground---death could take him faster that way. But no matter how many times he fell, he couldn't stay on the ground. Something inside him, no matter how tiny and faint, always pushed him up. Whether it was a little voice speaking to him, or several voices at once, he didn't know. All he knew was that needed to do that something first.

The question was, what?

Something snapped. He immediately stiffened, turning to the source. He didn't know whether to fight or run, so he stood there, frozen.

A tall figure, almost seven feet, emerged from the trees. His four legs stood strong and prominently---his blue skin as light as the sky above. What fascinated the boy most were his horns. They were long, sharp, and streaked like lightning bolts.

"What is your name?" the figure asked.

The boy hesitated, unsure whether to answer that question. But what did he have to lose? The only reason he was still alive was because the creature willed it. If the creature only asked for his name in return, why refuse?

"K-Keldeo, sir."

...I did not expect that, not at all. You did an excellent job humanizing Keldeo; I fully believed he was human until he stated his name, and I didn't even suspect anything when Cobalion showed up.

"Where is your family?" the creature continued. "Your friends?"

Keldeo frowned. "Gone." He was suddenly very sad.

The creature stepped closer. He looked the boy up and down, noticing his burns and scars. The boy's ribs protruded through his yellow fur; a few patches exposed raw muscle.

"Tell me, child," the creature commanded, "did humans do this to you?"

Keldeo's eyes widened.

"Yes," Keldeo whispered. "Yes, they did."

The creature didn't look surprised. He stepped even closer until the boy was directly below him. The boy wasn't looking at him anymore. He was staring at the ground next to his feet, overwhelmed by emotions the creature knew to well. He reminded him of himself when he was his age, as did many pokémon he met along the way.

"Get up."

Keldeo looked up.

"You're coming with me," the creature declared.

Keldeo's eyes stayed blank, but were looking at him. "Where?"

"To life, redemption," the creature answered. "The humans took your home, your friends, and your family. Are you going to sit there and let them take more?"

I honestly never would have guessed I'd get a backstory for Keldeo joining the Swords of Justice in this story, but you're handling it well so I'm glad you included it. I'm eager to see how it ties into everything else going on, because I've sure got some ideas.

Keldeo froze.

"No."

"Then come with me, child," the creature ordered. "Avenge your homeland."

Keldeo stood up, his bony legs wobbling as he did so. Despite his pitiful state, Keldeo stared at the creature with hardiness. The creature was taken aback, but dismissed it.

"What's your name?" Keldeo demanded.

"Cobalion," Cobalion answered. He was even more disturbed, but didn't show it.

Who was disturbed, Cobalion or Keldeo?

"Alright, Cobalion," Keldeo smirked. "Let's go."

When Matt and Lucy arrived at the beach house, everyone was eating in the kitchen. Even Azurill had a food bowl next to their table, munching away her pellets.

When they knocked on the front door, they were greeted by Agatha and Truman. Agatha gave Lucy a hug, and Truman shook Matt's hand.

"Oh, it's nice to see you, dear," Agatha pulled away. "It's nice to see you too, Matt."

"Thanks, Agatha," Matt nodded curtly.

Nice, peaceful scene to start out. Wonder how long it'll last.

"Mom, where's Violet?" Lucy asked.

"In the living room with Taboden," Agatha answered.

Lucy immediately ran inside. When she saw the kids in the living room, she almost dropped to the floor.

"Violet!"

"Lucy?" Violet stood up. "Lucy!"

"Oh, honey!" Lucy ran and engulfed Violet into a hug. "Oh, I'm so glad you're alright!" she said. "Are you hurt? Wait, your arm!"

Lucy pulled away and looked at Violet's arm. Violet didn't seem too traumatized, and her arm seemed okay.

"We need to run x-rays," Lucy examined the arm. "I can't know for sure if your arm is good until I see x-rays."

"What's an x-rays?" Violet asked.

When I read the second to last line in this quote, I immediately thought "I hope Violet questions what x-rays are" and you did not disappoint.

I think maybe this could use a little more description, because I honestly forgot about her arm at first. Doesn't need to be much, just something to remind the reader about what happened to her arm.

"It's a machine that can see your bones," Taboden answered.

Violet jumped. "Why can't we see it now?"

Violet quickly ripped the newspaper and towels off, shocking everyone in the room. Lucy tried to stop her, but Violet was persistent. Then she saw the arm itself, and no words could explain her shock.

"Woah," Taboden bent the arm himself. "Your arm! It's all better!"

Violet squealed and performed a little dance. Taboden and Azurill, sharing in her delight, quickly joined in.

"Look, Lucy!" Violet cheered, waving the arm around. "It's all better!"

I was surprised by this, even though I probably shouldn't have been. It makes sense that she's able to heal at an accelerated rate, given everything else. Now I really want to know exactly where that ability came from.

Lucy's eyes were wide as can be. "I-Impossible..."

"Yeah."

Lucy and the kids turned around.

"I thought she was injured," Matt stood behind Lucy, crossing his arms.

Violet blinked and stared at the man. "Who are you?"

Have to admit that while he's improved as a character, I'm a little nervous about him meeting Violet.

"This is my husband, Matt," Lucy introduced. She stood up and put a hand on his shoulder. "Matt, where have you been?"

"I was talking to Agatha and Truman," Matt answered. He quickly tucked a notepad in his pocket, but Lucy caught the act.

"Were you interrogating my mother?" Lucy demanded.

Yeah, not totally 100% comfortable right now.

Wait, her mother? Agatha? If that's the case, it caught me by surprise.

"Relax," Matt sighed. "I was only talking to her. Just like I have to talk to this girl---who I'm assuming is Violet?"

Taboden immediately stood in front of Violet.

"I just need to ask you a few questions," Matt said to Violet. "Is that okay?"

"What if she doesn't want to talk to you?" Taboden asserted.

Matt scowled. He marched past Lucy and looked Taboden in the eye.

I'm... nervous, to say the least. There are a lot of ways this could go, and I'm not totally hopeful this situation is going to end well.

"Two people are in the hospital," Matt told the boy. "The last one to see them awake is the girl you're protecting."

"Are you saying she hurt them?" Taboden demanded.

"I'm saying I need to find out," Matt remarked. "So could you step aside so I can do that?"

Taboden stomped his foot. "No!"

"Taboden!"

Truman and Agatha were standing in the hallway. Truman heard Taboden's outbursts and was very disappointed.

Have to take Taboden's side here, even if he's being a little childish.

I think you should probably describe Truman's disappointment a little more. Try to show it more than simply saying he's disappointed.

"Taboden, come here!" Truman called again. "You father wants you home."

"No!" Taboden barked. "I'm not leaving Violet with him!"

"Taboden!" Agatha scolded. "Behave yourself! Matt is a sergeant!"

"I don't care!" Taboden remarked. "I'm not leaving Violet!"

I like Taboden more and more every chapter. He'll be an important person in Violet's corner, I suspect.

"Taboden, wait..."

Taboden turned around. A hand was holding the upper part of his arm.

"Are those people in the hospital," Violet turned to Matt, "hurt?"

"Yes," Matt nodded. "That's why they're in the hospital. Hospitals treat people who are hurt."

Violet bit back a gasp.

"Are those people," she gulped, "I-Ian and Alakazam?"

Quite a surprise to see how savvy Violet really is. She might be naive to a lot of things in the world, but she certainly is sharp.

[quote["Yes," Matt's frown deepened. "Yes they are."

"Who's Ian and Alakazam?" Taboden asked.[/quote]

Use "who are," since you're referring to two individuals.

"I'll talk to you," Violet said, stepping away from Taboden.

Taboden gasped. "But Vi---"

"It's okay," Violet assured him. She held his hand with both hands and looked him in the eyes.

"Thank you, again," she said, "for saving my life."

Taboden frowned, but reluctantly stepped aside. He was about to walk away, but turned back to Violet.

"Will I see you again?" he asked.

That actually gives me a shiver, it's so ominous...

Violet blinked. Not even she knew the answer to that question. But something told her they would meet again, so she nodded.

"Yes," she told him. "You will."

Taboden beamed. He took her hand and squeezed it before running back to Truman. They waved them all goodbye before exiting the front door.

"Mom," Lucy called out.

Agatha finished locking the door and returned to the living room. "Yes?"

"Could you give us a moment?" Lucy requested.

"Of course," Agatha nodded. She looked at her daughter, then Violet, then Matt, and walked away. "I'll be in the kitchen."

When the kitchen door closed, Violet turned to Lucy.

"Why do you call Agatha 'mom'?" she asked.

Lucy smiled and knelt down to face her. "Because she's my mother, dear," Lucy answered. "When I helped Truman cope with the death of his wife, he convinced his employer to hire my mother."

Lucy looked at the spot her mother was standing and smiled. "I'm so grateful," she added. "It keeps my mother close to me."

Ah, good that you filled in some details about Agatha and Lucy's relationship and didn't leave it unclear for too long.

I strongly suspect that Truman's wife's death was tied to something else important in this storyline, somewhere.

"What's a 'mother'?" Violet asked.

Lucy opened her mouth, but suddenly gasped and stood up. She ran back to her husband, confusing Violet.

"Okay, that's enough."

I was going to say something about Violet's curiosity, but then Lucy's strange reaction attracted my attention more. I wonder what is going on there...

Matt walked to the front of the couch and jerked his head to it. "Could you sit on the couch please?"

Violet frowned, but obeyed. She walked to the brown couch and sat on it. "Who are you?" she asked. Lucy answered her earlier, but she had to hear it from him.

"My name is Matt Burns," Matt answered. "I'm a sergeant. I do whatever it takes to keep the people and pokémon here safe."

He glanced at Lucy before glaring at Violet.

"Anything."

Instead of "anything," he should probably repeat "anything it takes." I think the repetition would help drive the point forward more strongly.

And yeah, I'm getting really nervous here.

"Matt," Lucy quietly protested.

I see Lucy shares my discomfort.

"Do you think I'd hurt her?" Violet questioned. "Hurt Lucy?"

"That's what I'm here to find out."

"But I would never hurt her!" Violet told him. She turned to Lucy, who was avoiding her gaze. "I would never hurt you, Lucy."

Lucy continued to avoid eye contact.

"Would you hurt Ian and Alakazam?" Matt asked.

Violet gasped. "Never!"

"Then why are they in the hospital?"

This line of questioning feels kind of loaded, like Matt has already made up his mind and is trying to get her to say a certain thing.

That said, I think it fits Matt to be doing it.

"I-I don't know," Violet shook her head. "I really don't."

"What happened at the lab last night?" Matt interrogated.

...wow, I didn't realize fully until now that only one day had passed, since so much has happened.

Violet took a shaky breath. She really didn't want to remember. She had been shutting out memories since Taboden saved her. But she had to say something. Lucy had to trust her again.

"When I woke up..." Violet shut her eyes. The memories were returning, and she tried not to fight them, "I saw purple smoke...and a wall. It was thin and...I could see right through it, but...it kept something from breaking in."

Matt took out his notepad and started writing.

"Alakazam looked exhausted," Violet continued. "I think...she was the one that set up the wall. She was trying to protect me."

"From what?" Matt asked.

"I don't know," Violet shook her head. "It looked like a black...round thing...with eyes and teeth. But the eyes---the parts that were supposed to be white, were red. Are eyes supposed to be red?"

"No..." Lucy whispered. She was staring at Violet, grasping her every word.

"Purple smoke, round, eyes, and teeth," Matt listed. "Sounds like a gastly."

Violet flinched. That thi---no! She stopped herself immediately. She didn't have to remember that.[/quote]

You're nailing the unsettling atmosphere. I really am feeling how disturbed Violet and Lucy both are by it.
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
"But gastlies' eyes aren't red," Matt countered.

"Maybe it was angry," Lucy suggested.

"Why would it be angry?" Matt asked her. "Better yet..."

He turned to Violet.

"Why was it attacking you?"

Violet gasped. The question hit her like a trigger. She remembered the gastly speaking to her, and understood every word.

I'm not quite sure "trigger" is the best word to use here, though I do understand what you mean by it.

That said, and I've told you this already, I'm glad I waited to finish the review because I initially was confused prior to this point that it might have been a Gengar, not a Gastly.

"He said..."

A tear fell.

"He said I killed them."

Lucy gasped.

"Killed who?" Matt demanded.

"His friends," Violet chocked. "At the temple. He said I killed them."

"choked" is misspelled.

It's been quite a while since the events of the temple have been brought up, so it's nice that you tied them in like this.

Lucy's eyes widened.

"But I don't know what he's talking about!" Violet shook. "I don't know what a "temple" is, I don't know what a "friends" is, I don't know what "kill" is, I don--"

Ah, that's right, her memory was wiped. I'll have to go back and read that chapter again.

Violet covered her face and screamed. Lucy immediately rushed to her side, wrapping an arm around her.

"Matt, that's enough," Lucy declared.

"But we're not done here."

"The girl is crying," Lucy insisted. "Give her a break."

"DON'T YOU SEE THAT'S HOW SHE'S CONTROLLING YOU?"

Matt, this is why I've never been too much of a fan of you. :p

Lucy and Violet jumped. Matt, who was composed a second ago, was seething with rage. But something else was in his eyes, something Violet knew but couldn't describe.

Well that's a little creepy.

"She didn't only affect you, but Taboden, Truman, and your mother too!" Matt continued. "Why would I show this girl any mercy? So she could control me too?"

Violet gaped. "W-what..."

"Don't play innocent with me, kid!" Matt pointed at her. "I don't know who or what you are, but I'm not going to let anyone else suffer because of you!"

I guess Matt's the proverbial bad cop in this situation :p

"Matt, stop it!" Lucy scolded.

"If Lucy stayed at the lab," Matt shook his head, "if I hadn't called her so much she had to go home, what would've happened? Would she be at the hospital too?"

"Matt, please," Lucy insisted.

Matt turned to his wife. He looked into her pleading eyes and shook his head again.

"I just want to protect you," he told her. "I can't believe you're allowing her to turn you against me."

"I'm not against you," Lucy stated.

"Really?" Matt scoffed. "Who's side are you on right now?"

"Whose side."

Honestly, I know we've talked at length about this, but I just really cannot find myself sympathizing much with Matt. He probably does love Lucy, but his behavior just... puts me off, you know? He seems quite jealous and a bit paranoid, which makes parsing his behavior difficult.

"I'm just trying to make sense of the situation, just like you," Lucy told him. "You can't just blame Violet for everything that happened. Lucario said she needed protecting, and he was right! She was attacked last night, and Ian and Alakazam tried to protect her!"

"Yeah, about that," Matt glared at Violet. "What happened to the gastly? Why was there no gastly when we arrived at the lab?"

They're ghosts, they could have simply been invisible at the time.

Violet stiffened.

"Maybe he ran away," Lucy told him. "Maybe when Alakazam's Protect went up, or when you and the officers showed up. Either way, Violet can't be blamed; she was the victim!"

"IF she was the victim."

Matt pointed at Violet. "You better hope Ian and Alakazam live to support your story, kid," he threatened, "because if they don---"

I'm not sure I want to think about where that threat was going.

A beeping noise stopped him. Matt grunted. He knew what that ringtone meant.

"It's my boss," Matt sighed. "I gotta take this." Then he glared at Violet. "There better not b---"

"We'll be fine," Lucy assured. Matt grunted again and went out the front door.

"I d-don't like him very-ry much," Violet stated.

"Stuttered" might be a better word than "stated" there.

"No, don't say that," Lucy rubbed Violet's shoulder. "He's just doing his job. He's not always like that."

"Then wh-why is he like that now?" Violet wiped her tears. "Can't he be n-nicer to me?"

"He's usually more patient," Lucy nodded, "but he's always more sensitive when it comes to me. I'm his wife, after all."

I think this is a case where it would have been important to show more of him being more patient instead of simply stating it.

"Does he have to be so mean though?" Violet asked.

Lucy sighed. "No, no he doesn't."

"So why is he so mean?"

Lucy straightened up and looked Violet in the eyes.

"Several years ago," she started, "Matt's parents, the people who gave birth to and raised him, were murdered. That's another word for 'killed'. It means someone took them away from him forever."

First off, I like that Violet actually called out him being mean. I was waiting for someone to do it. I also like the way Lucy is mindful to explain what she is saying to Violet.

On that note, I'm not 100% sure how I feel about Matt's backstory yet, but I do appreciate that it was given. It does give some insight into his reasoning.

Violet gasped.

"I know," Lucy nodded solemnly. "What's worse is that the police never found out who did it. It's why Matt decided to be a police officer, to find the killer himself."

That's a good start. If we had gotten to see more of his backstory, to see for ourselves how that experience shaped him, I think it would have helped his overall character.

"Is that why that...gastly wanted to hurt me?" Violet asked, "and why your husband wants to do the same thing?"

Lucy gasped. "Don't say that, Violet!" she scolded. "My husband would never hurt you!"

"So why is he so mean?" Violet asked again.

Lucy sighed. "Well, Violet," she combed Violet's hair with her fingers, "when you lose someone you love, it changes you. Matt was a wonderful man, and still is. But ever since he lost his parents, he became fearful. His 'mean-ness' is just his way of showing he's scared. Do you understand?"

Well, we're getting there. I may not like him as a person, but I'm starting to understand him more.

Violet looked down. "Yeah," she nodded. "I think I do. But what's 'love'?"

"Oh, honey," Lucy laughed out. She shook her head, remembering the times she asked herself the same question. "Love is a lot of things."

"Does it make you scared like your husband?" Violet asked.

"Oh, yes," Lucy nodded. "But it can also make you very brave---make decisions you normally wouldn't do when you're scared."

Now this is just an adorable conversation.

"Like what?" Violet asked.

"Like," Lucy looked at Violet, "like continuing to care for someone," she said, "knowing that someone could hurt you."

I think we already discussed this, but it would probably be better phrased as "like continuing to care for someone, knowing that you're making yourself vulnerable" or something along those lines.

"Why would they hurt you?" Violet asked.

"I don't know," Lucy sighed, "but it's the risk you have to take. You can only hope that person loves you back so they're taking the risk too."

"Do you love me, Lucy?" Violet asked.

Lucy gasped. She didn't expect her to ask that kind of question. But the girl was staring at her, waiting.

I didn't expect her to ask that question either. It's cute, but it breaks my heart at the same time.

Lucy bit her lip and looked forward. She didn't say anything for a while, not knowing whether she didn't know the answer or was scared of it. But she looked at Violet again, and the answer was clear.

"Yes," Lucy answered. "I do."

Violet beamed. "Good."

Lucy stiffened.

"Because I love you too."

Okay, cute was an understatement. Better word is adorable.

Violet leaned in and gave Lucy a hug. Lucy shivered and bit back tears. Her arms eventually encircled the girl, hugging her back.

"Lucy."

The ladies turned to see Matt back in the room. "I need to talk to you," he said.

Lucy blinked. Her husband no longer looked upset, but looked...she couldn't describe it.

The vagueness in his appearance actually works in this case. It makes it a little more unsettling and makes the reader nervous.

Lucy slowly pulled away from Violet and stood up. She looked at Violet, who was pouting from her absence. "I'll be back."

Violet frowned. "Okay..."

Violet watched as the couple disappeared into the hallway. She grasped her stomach, feeling it twist and turn.

Something was wrong.

"It's about time they left."

Violet yelped and fell back.

"Surprised to see me?" the figure with no eyes said. "You didn't think I was stuck on that bridge, did you?"

I know I'm surprised, I had honestly not thought about this thing in some time.

I feel like more could have been done to describe its appearance in the room, though. As it is, it feels like you must remember the previous appearance of this figure in explicit detail or you may get lost.

Violet didn't know what to be scared of more. The fact that the figure was sitting next to her, or the fact it was also wearing Taboden's clothes.

I suppose that's one reason not to describe its appearance right away. I might have chosen to rework the entire scene though, but I'm not sure precisely how.

"Wh-why are you here?" Violet asked.

It pouted. "Why?" it asked. "Aren't you happy to see me?"

"I mean it!"

"Okay, okay, no need to get mad," it smirked. "Just know that you're the only one who can see and hear me, so lower your voice unless you want these people to be even more scared of you."

"You're," Violet blinked, "you're not real?"

"Of course I'm real---I'm you!" it said. "No one else can see you because nobody knows you. But you do, and I do."

If I'm reading that line right, it raises an interesting idea - if someone else came to fully understand what Violet is, would they then also be able to see this figure?

Of course, this could just be the other entity trying to manipulate her, too.

"You're not me!" Violet barked. "Leave me alone!"

"But then who else is going to take care of you?" it crossed its arms. "You didn't think that arm healed itself, did you?"

Violet opened her mouth, but stopped herself. She didn't know how injuries worked, but from everyone's reaction earlier, she knew hers didn't heal normally.

Good to always keep the reader aware of just how intelligent Violet is. She might not have straightforward knowledge, but she's perceptive.

"Y-you," Violet stammered, "you healed my arm?"

"But of course I did!" it answered. "You didn't think it was that quack doctor, Lucy, did you?"

Whatever this thing is, it sure is nasty.

Violet glared at it, but then gasped.

"You..."

It raised an eyebrow.

"You're the reason this is happening!" Violet pointed. "You're the reason no one can trust me!"

I absolutely cannot blame Violet for hating this thing at all.

The figure frowned. "Is that so?"

"Everyone thinks I'm a monster because of you!" Violet hissed. "Nobody could trust me because of you! These people aren't the enemy. You are!"

The figure inched back. A flash of hurt appeared on its face, but it disappeared as soon as it came.

"Fine," the figure stood up. "Live in this world without me. Die for all I care!"

But if she dies, would the other entity not die as well?

Violet watched as it stomped towards the window. Then it stopped, its back facing her.

"Just remember this," it said. "This world may seem kind now, but it will hate you. When it does, you will come back to me."

"N-no," Violet shook her head. "No I won't!"

The figure turned around, crinkling its eye-less holes.

"Yes you will."

And disappeared.

This scene gives me chills for multiple reasons - the meaning of the other entity's warning, that it gave her such a warning and how it delivered said warning, Violet's desperate attempt to deny it, and its ominous promise that she will come back to need it all contribute.

I think "and disappeared" would be better as "With that, it[/the entity/whatever term you want to use] disappeared."

Ardonis's steps echoed as he marched to his and Melena's bedchamber. He marched rather stiffly, unnerved by the discussion he had with his associates. His eyes darted left and right. His fists trembled at his sides.

When he opened the chamber doors, he expected Melena to be sleeping on their bed. She wasn't.


That's not a good sign.

"Melena!" Ardonis cried, running inside the room. "Melena!"

"Out here..."

Ardonis ran to the balcony and sighed. Melena was at the railings again, looking at the trees below. When he approached her side, however, she was crying.

"Melena!" Ardonis pulled her to him. "Melena, what's wrong?"

"You w-were right."

"About what?"

"About our child!" Melena chocked. "They're going to kill it, Ard-donis. The child we always wanted will be t-taken away from us!"

"choked" is misspelled again here.

I have to say, for as brief as these flashback scenes with Ardonis and Melena are, they really are memorable. You do well with emotion throughout the story, but these scenes specifically stick out to me in that regard. I also find myself actively trying to work out a connection to the rest of the story when I read them, and I think I'm getting there.

Ardonis grunted, pulling her even closer.

"Is this the cost?" Melena asked him. "We could have a ch-child, but it would be k-killed the second we h-hold it?"

Ardonis suddenly hated the child. Melena was never that upset until that child came along. The child was a curse! It brought them the exact harm he expected it to bring.

"Maybe it's for the best," Ardonis told her. "That child has caused us nothing but trouble."

Melena gasped, pushing herself away from him.

"How could you say that?" she demanded. "This is our child!"

I absolutely cannot blame her for reacting to that in such a way.

"And look at what it's causing us!" Ardonis remarked. "Do you think we would have all these problems if that thing was never here?"

"How dare you," Melena hissed. "We risked our lives to get this child! This thing is your child as much as it is mine!"

"But I never wanted it!" Ardonis reminded her. "You were the one begging me to have one!"

"Are you saying it's my fault now?" Melena demanded.

"No!"

"Then who's fault IS IT?"

"whose" is misspelled in the last line.

"THE CHILD'S!" Ardonis snapped. "It's the child's fault! So let me get rid of it so we don't have to deal with it anymore!"

I don't even want to think about what "getting rid of it" would entail.

I think the one downside to these characters being strictly in flashbacks is that we don't get much of a glimpse of their history, so Ardonis's irrational thoughts here could potentially be misinterpreted depending on the reader. I understand that he isn't behaving reasonably due to the stress of the situation, but another reader may not get that.


Melena staggered back.

"Don't you dare," she hissed. "If you're going to kill it, you have to KILL ME FIRST!"

I strongly suspect that she would die if they killed the child even if she wanted to get rid of it, given the circumstances.

Ardonis growled, but then gasped. Melena kept her distance, watching his every move.

I get what you're going for here, but I think it would work a little better if you threw in something about his thoughts, like "Ardonis growled, but then considered the discussion more and ended up gasping." It paints a more complete picture.

"My love," Ardonis shook, "what...what are we doing?"

Melena started shaking too.

"We're turning against each other," Ardonis realized. "We can't...we can't do this, Melena. You're the o-only one I have."

Now, I admit I'm cheating here a little by factoring in something from later in the chapter, but I really like the "be careful what you wish for" idea and how you implemented it.

Also, while this in a way goes against what I said earlier about the reader having a limited picture of Ardonis and Melena's history, I have to honestly say I'm more into their relationship than I am in Lucy and Matt's.

Melena gasped and cupped her mouth.

"I-I'm," she trembled. "I'm so sorry..."

"I'm sorry too," Ardonis returned, engulfing her in his arms. Melena buried herself in his collar, crying into his shirt.

Personal preference, but I might have flipped it so Ardonis apologizes first. Not a big deal though.

Also, "engulfing her in his arms" is a use of words I really like.

"There's only one person that can really solve this problem," Ardonis stated, combing her pink locks.

"Who?" Melena whispered, pulling him closer.

"The one who gave us the child in the first place."

Ardonis stared ahead.

"Jirachi."

Now that caught me by surprise, but once I thought about it, it doesn't really shock me that much. It's a sensible explanation. The remaining question I'm still pondering is what was the reason they needed to make a wish with Jirachi for a child in the first place? And like I said I've been working it out over time.

Matt and Lucy trekked the halls until they reached the library. The library was a large room filled with bookshelves and couches. Sunlight illuminated the room, so the couple left the lights off.

"So what did your boss say?" Lucy asked, sitting on a green sofa.

"A lot," Matt sat beside her. "He and forensic team finished gathering evidence from the crime scene. The only evidence they could find for the possible intruder was a strand of black hair."

Lucy gasped.

"It's Violet's, right?" Matt asked.

"Yes," Lucy bit her lip. "She was asleep."

"The hair was processed in the evidence lab, along with other evidence that could give us clues to what happened," Matt continued. "There's just one problem."

"What's that?"

"The evidence lab was broken into by a couple of crooks," Matt answered. "They poisoned and killed many staff members and crashed the building's computer system. Not only was all the information wiped out, all the computers were wrecked beyond use. It's going to take weeks, maybe months, to get new ones, and millions of dollars to replace them."

Lucy inched back, shaking a little as she did so.

"But if you think that's bad," Matt shook his head, "the crooks also stole Violet's hair. So if you're still worried about keeping her a secret, don't worry. Without her hair, it's like she never existed."

But she isn't a secret from those crooks, though.

Lucy gasped. "Wh-wha---"

"But there's even more," Matt added. "They stole one important device from the electronics room," he looked her in the eyes, "Ian's laptop."

Lucy staggered back. "N-no."

"Yes."

"A-are you sayi---"

"Yes," Matt answered. "That girl in the living room is working with criminals."

Once again I feel like Matt has already reached a conclusion in his mind and is working backwards, interpreting evidence in a selective way to confirm what he already thinks.


Melena gripped Ardonis's hand as they entered the mouth of the cave. The only source of light were tiny white dots floating freely around them. They didn't shine very brightly, but shone bright enough to reveal steps ascending to an altar. The altar itself, however, was hidden in shadow.

Nice description. One comment: variants of "shine" are used twice in once sentence, so try changing that to "They didn't shine very brightly, just enough to reveal steps ascending to an altar."

"Jirachi!" Ardonis called out. "Jirachi, we have returned!"

"As you have," a feminine voice replied.

A female voice, interesting. I take it that this is different from the anime Jirachi, which was less feminine and more childlike in its voice.

Ardonis tightened his grip on Melena's hand before looking up the altar.[/qupte]

Looking up at the altar, you mean?

That little motion of tightening his grip on her hand is a surprisingly strong characterization touch.

"Come closer,' the voice requested, "so we can speak more appropriately."

Ardonis helped Melena up the steps and made sure she didn't trip. As they started to climb, their eyes made out a line of pillars encircling the altar. The pillars were made of white rock and stood prominently like trees. Even with little light, the pillars stuck out in the darkness. If there was more light in the cave, their eyes would've hurt.

Stunning visual, and another nice little attention to characterization and detail - someone in Melena's state might not have the easiest time with stairs.

When the couple reached the altar, they thought they saw a slightly bigger ball of light. But the ball revealed to be a small humanoid creature, with black beady eyes and blue triangles hanging from their bottom. The creature had a curved seam on her belly, and flaps under her arms that gave the impression of sleeves. Her skin was white, but her large three-pointed cap and streamers were yellow. She was the embodiment of a falling star. Her only distinguishing feature were the blue tags on her cap. There were originally three, one for each point---but were reduced to two. One on the top point, and the other on the left one.

I'm intrigued that you're assigning a gender to Jirachi despite it being genderless, though I doubt it means anything significant to the plot itself.

"Hello, Ardonis. Hello, Melena," Jirachi greeted. "My, I see the child is growing well."

Melena automatically clutched her womb, rubbing the area tenderly.

Nitpick, but I feel like "clutched" and "rubbing" contradict each other. They give me two opposing visuals of what she's doing. Assuming "rubbing" was the thought you were trying to convey, perhaps replacing "clutched" with "touched" or something similar would help.

"We need your help," Ardonis told the star-embodiment. "The child is in danger."

"Is that so?" Jirachi levitated closer. There was a small fountain at the center of the altar, and it was as white as the pillars surrounding them. Jirachi landed on its rim, her image reflecting on the water.

"Yes," Melena trudged to the fountain. "Our own friends and servants have turned against us. They will kill the child as soon as it is born!"

I know I already told you what I'm beginning to think the reason for the betrayal is, but I'd love to see further elaboration on their past to clarify it.

"That does sound troubling," Jirachi commented. "What are you going to do?"

"We don't know," Ardonis approached her. "That's why we came to you."

Jirachi smiled. "But of course."

Something tells me Jirachi knows most if not all about this problem already.

She raised a hand and plucked the tag on her cap's left point. She extended her arm so the couple could see the paper.

"Just know that this wish," Jirachi said, "like the last one, will come at a cost."

"Yes, we know," Ardonis grumbled. "We're still paying the first one."

"But if it saves our child," Melena told her, "we'll take it."

I'm assuming the cost from the previous wish was the conflict between the two of them, so I dread to think what the cost of this one could be.

Jirachi grinned. "Very well then."

She took the paper back, but continued to hold it up.

"First things first," she started, "why do you want to protect the child?"

Melena and Ardonis looked at each other. Melena's expression held one look, while Ardonis's held another.

"Because we love it," Melena turned to Jirachi. "Because we love our child."

Ardonis nodded.

Jirachi gave them a sly smile. "You may love the child, Melena," she told her, "but your husband doesn't."

Yeah, Jirachi knows about what's going on already.

Feels like this is a test right now to see if they really are worthy to have the wish.

Melena immediately turned to Ardonis, who was glaring at the wish-maker.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Ardonis spat. "I didn't want the child the first time we met you, but you still gave it to us!"

"Because you came along and asked," Jirachi remarked. "Now why is that?"

Ardonis turned to Melena, her sapphire eyes returning his gaze.

"Because Melena wanted a child," Ardonis answered, "and I wanted her to be happy."

Melena gasped. "Ardonis..."

"So you don't love the child, but you love your wife," Jirachi stated. The couple turned to look at her. "That will do."

"For what?" Melena asked.

"For your wish," Jirachi answered. "The reason you want to keep your child is because you love it. The reason your enemies want to kill it is because they don't."

"Where are you going with this?" Ardonis stepped closer.

"The love you two have is powerful," Jirachi told them. "If combined and embedded in your child, those who-so-much looks at the child will feel the same way you feel."

Hmm... I'm not sure entirely what to make of this, I think I need a further explanation.

"You mean to say," Melena gasped, "whoever looks at our child will love it?"

"Precisely."

Melena and Ardonis staggered back. Love was a powerful thing. To have the child possess the power to elicit it from anyone and anything...

There's definitely something inhuman going on here. I'm convinced of it. The question is just what it is...

"What would be the cost?" Ardonis asked.

"Just as the last wish, I do not know for sure," Jirachi told him. "There is only one way to find out."

I'm not sure I believe Jirachi here at all.

And yeah, the consequence is going to be grim, I bet.

She extended the tag again.

Ardonis and Melena stepped further away and turned to each other. Melena grasped Ardonis's hand with one hand and her womb with another.

"It could save our child," Melena told him.

"Yes, but at what cost?" Ardonis asked.

"I don't know," Melena said, "but I love our child, I really do. I'll give anything to save it. Even my life."

I'm so glad I read ahead now because if I hadn't, I would have instantly decided that was definitely the price.

Ardonis grabbed her hand with both hands. "Mele---"

"She's right. I'm the one that wanted this child, not you," Melena told him. "I can't let you suffer for the sake of my wants---not anymore. I have to do this on my own."

"No! Don't speak like that!" Ardonis ordered. When Melena looked offended, he scolded himself and turned away.

"ordered" might be a little too harsh a word, I feel.

Then again, maybe it fits because Ardonis feels a bit... theatrical?... in his personality. I don't know.

"What I meant to say is," he sighed, "if you want to make this wish, I...will pay it with you."

"Ardoni--"

"You're my wife, Melena," Ardonis reminded her. "And Jirachi was right about another thing. I love you---with all of my heart, my mind, everything else I have! I will not let you live without me, and I will not live without you!"

Tears welled in Melena's eyes. "Ardonis..."

She pulled him to her arms, sobbing onto his shoulder.

"I love you too," she told him. "I love you so much!"

"Then let's pay the price together," Ardonis leaned on her. "I may not love this child, but I will try. For you."

These two just keep getting me emotional. Damn you Chewie :p

"Thank you," Melena clutched his shoulders. "Th-Thank you."

The two pulled back and looked at each other. The look in their eyes was powerful, and the grip they had on Melena's womb was strong. The couple may not have noticed, but Melena's body started glowing blue, and Ardonis's body, red. Their colors combined between them, creating a violet hue.

Well I assume that confirms the "Violet's ancestors" theory.

Jirachi grinned and held up the tag.

"What is the name of your child?"

Ardonis and Melena continued to look at each other. With the same thought forming in their heads, they smiled.

"Armeus."

Evidently not immediate ancestors, unless her name was different then.

The tag in Jirachi's hand lit up with purple light. An unknown language appeared on the tag, inscribing the paper with black ink. The violet light between Ardonis and Melena grew and grew until it surrounded them. The couple pulled away, finally noticing the light, and followed where it went.

Jirachi released the tag. The blue paper levitated out of her hands and stopped above the fountain. When the purple light hit it, it exploded, becoming a silver coin.

"You know how this works," Jirachi told them. "Once the coin hits the water, the wish is cast. If you change your mind, just catch it before it falls."

The couple turned to each other again once more. They also took each other's hand again---

and watched the coin fall into the water.

Another really great visual.

Violet remained on the couch with her knees curled and her eyes wide. She had been in that position since the figure left, and was shaking the whole time. Thoughts in her head raged like a storm. Why was Ian and Alakazam in the hospital? Why were Matt and Lucy taking so long? Were Ian and Alakazam okay? Why did Matt look strange when he came back? Was Lucy still on her side? What if Lucy came back and turned against her? What would she do? Who would she turn to?

"Why were Ian and Alakazam in the hospital" is the correct phrasing.

I really feel Violet's fear here.

And that thing. That thing. What was it? How could she see it outside her head? Was it even from her head? Why did it even exist? Was what it saying true? Could she even trust its words? What if that thing was right? But what if it was wrong? And why wo---

Violet gasped. She looked down and her eyes widened.

Her hands...they were glowing...black...

Violet rubbed her hands on her legs to get rid of it, but the darkness only grew. She rubbed again, and the darkness covered her forearms.

I don't know what the hell is going on now, but I sure know it ain't good.

I think I would turn the "her hands..." line into a quote she thought to herself (ie: "My hands... they're glowing... black?") if you want to keep the ellipses.

"No, no, no, no!" Violet tucked her hands between her legs. "Stop it, stop it, stop it!"

But the darkness didn't go away. Her thighs, which her hands were between, started glowing black as well.

"What's happening?" Violet croaked. "Why is this h-happening?"

She looked up to call for help, but stopped. Who would she call to? Everyone already thought she was a monster. If they saw what was happening to her now...

The darkness spread to her chest. Violet yelped and curled into a ball.

"Please," a tear trickled down her face. "Please stop, please."

I don't know what to say right now. I'm left speechless...

The knob on the front door clicked. Two figures entered the building.

"Stop...go away..." Violet rocked back and forth. "Away...away...please go away..."

Dare I say her thoughts are being disrupted by whatever this is too?

The figures entered the living room. They saw Violet curled on the couch, but what interested them was the darkness that surrounded her. They shuddered in their spots. It was so...so...dark...

One of them stepped forward. Violet gasped and looked up.

"Stay still, little girl," one of them, a man, commanded. "We're not going to hurt you."

"Who are you?" Violet demanded. The darkness flashed, engulfing her entire body. Violet gasped and staggered back.

"Such great power," the other, a woman, commented. "And you can't control it."

Obviously someone who knows what's going on. Of course, that's probably not a good thing, not for Violet.

The darkness flashed again.

Violet sunk deeper into the couch. The intruders wore black full-body spandex, belts filled with gadgets, and white masks to cover their face. There weren't visible holes for their eyes, but Violet knew they could see her.

They were also getting closer.

"Go away!" Violet cried.

"No," the man shook his head. "Not until you come with us."

The intruders dug into their belts and took a gadget out. At a press of a button, red and white spheres enlarged in their hands.

Nope, not good. Not good at all...

Violet froze.

"Krookodile!"

"Malamar!"

The balls were thrown in the air.

"Let's go!"

The spheres unhinged and unleashed two beams of light. The lights then materialized, revealing creatures that were almost five feet tall.

"Malamar," the woman called out. "Take her away."

"Mala..."

The dark purple squid spread her tentacles. Her broad main body illuminated with yellow lights, spreading throughout her body.

Violet's eyes widened.

"Krookodile, get ready," the man commanded.

The maroon, black-striped crocodile leaned forward, smirking.

Violet slowly uncurled and rose from the couch. She took a step forward, then another. Malamar sneered, extending her tentacles to the girl.

Ah, good, I hoped you wouldn't overlook Malamar's hypnosis.

"Stop!"

The intruders turned to their left. Matt was standing in the hallway. A gun was in his hand, ready to shoot.

"Oh how cute," the woman taunted. "The sergeant's trying to play hero."

"Stand down or I'll shoot!" Matt commanded.

"Matt!" Lucy called out, running to his side.

"Lucy, I told you to stay in the room!"

"Not while you're out here!"

This is not going to end well. At least Matt is trying to protect Violet in some way?

"Ugh, these lovers are making me sick," the man grunted. "Krookodile, take care of them."

Krookodile sneered and charged towards the couple. Matt fired off shots, but the crocodile was too fast. He dodged each bullet with zig-zag movements, his jaws open for Matt's head.

Lucy screamed.

Violet snapped out of her trance and whipped to the couple.

I think there could be some more description of Lucy and Violet's emotions here.

"Lucy!" Violet reached out. "Lucy, no!"

The darkness burst, sending a wave of shadows through the room. Malamar and Krookodile were hit and knocked unconscious. The intruders were also hit, but fell to the ground, dead.

Matt quickly saw this and shoved Lucy behind a wall. The wave struck him when Lucy fell, hitting him in the chest. He fell to the ground, dead.

WELL ****

There's no coming back from this. This one point, beyond all else so far, is where the story completely changes, and nothing can undo it. I have to give you credit - the way this just came out of nowhere and completely changes the game takes some real courage to do.

Diversify your language, though. You have two sentences ending with "fell to the ground, dead."

"Matt?" Lucy sat up, crawling to her husband's side. "Matt?"

Violet fell to the ground, gaping at the couple. She shook in place, realizing what she had done.

Violet is probably never going to recover from this.

"Matt!" Lucy shook him. "Matt, baby, wake up! Please wake up!"

But Matt's eyes stayed closed, his body limp in Lucy's arms. Lucy pressed two fingers at the base of his neck.

"No..."

Lucy grabbed and shook him. "MATT!" she cried. "MA-A-ATT!"

She gripped his shirt, her tears spilling on his collar.

"Matt, please don't leave me!" she pleaded. "Matt, I'm sorry. Please don't leave me, please!"

But it was no use. Lucy shook and slowly backed away. She dropped his corpse and sat there, frozen.

I have to be honest here, I feel... I'm not really connecting 100% with her here. I think it's because I just never really totally felt their relationship before this. Don't get me wrong, this does get an emotional response, but maybe not the one I feel like was deserved.

Violet's tears streamed down her face. Lucy heard her whimpering and looked at her.

"L-Lucy!" Violet called out. "L-Lucy, I'm sorry!" she sobbed. "I-I'm sorry! I d-didn't mean to!"

Lucy stood up. She looked down at Violet weeping in the living room and approached her. Her eyes were blank, unreadable.

Violet trembled as Lucy stopped in front of her. Lucy knelt down, combed her hair, and placed a hand on her shoulder.

Violet's eyes widened. "L-Lu---"

She was knocked to the ground, unconscious. Lucy lifted her up, her fist still raised.

"I," Lucy hissed, "am so tired of you."

She punched her again.

We've already discussed this elsewhere, so I won't go into as much detail as I would have, but I'll still say that I really feel like this came way out of left field and I'm not really 'getting' it.

"Cobalion, where have you been?"

When Keldeo looked ahead, he saw two more towering figures. The one that called out to Cobalion was green and slender. The other was gray and shorter, but compensated with his broad physique. When the two spotted Keldeo, Keldeo almost tripped.

"Who's this?" the green one asked.

"His name is Keldeo," Cobalion spoke. "He will be joining our group."

"Him?" the green one approached the boy. "But he's so little!"

"What good could he be to our team?" the gray one inquired. "Look at him, he is weak. He will only be a burden us."

"He will only be a burden to us"

Good things come in small packages sometimes, Terrakion. :p

Keldeo growled, but cowered when the gray one turned to him.

"We will train him to be strong," Cobalion told them. "Once we're done with him, he will be an asset we can rely on."

"But he's just a kid," the green one remarked. He turned to Keldeo. "How old are you, kid?"

"T-ten."

"Step back, Virizion," Cobalion commanded. "You're scaring him."

"Even more of a reason he can't be with us," Virizion remarked. "If he can't face me, how much more if he faces the humans?"

Everyone stopped and turned to Keldeo. Keldeo was shaking, his eyes turning steely. Keldeo wasn't looking at them anymore. He was staring past them, his pupils shrinking every second.

"Give him time," Cobalion told them. "His home was destroyed by humans. We won't have to worry about keeping him motivated. He will work his hardest."

"As he should," the gray one stated, "because we're not taking it easy on him."

Keldeo turned to the gray one. To everyone's surprise, the gray one stepped back.

"Don't tell me you're scared of the kid, Terrakion?" Virizion teased.

Terrakion grunted and stomped off. "Let's just go."

Well it makes sense, Keldeo is part Water and Terrakion is part Rock.

Cobalion smirked as Virizion continued pestering him. He then turned to Keldeo, who was glaring at them.

"Don't be angry at them, Keldeo," Cobalion told him. "They are not the enemies."

"No," Keldeo said, remembering flames and machines. "No, they're not."

Flames and machines... I wonder if Keldeo lived at the temple.

Lucy froze.

Krookodile and Malamar rose to their feet as they slowly gained consciousness. The first thing they did was check on their trainers. Lucy watched their expressions contort from fear to sheer terror. They bent their heads and wailed, holding their trainers against them.

Then they turned to Lucy, and their expressions changed again.

Lucy tightened her grip on Violet as the pokémon approached them. The look on their faces was terrifying. Never before had she seen such rage. But Lucy wasn't frightened. She returned to her feet and raised her chin.

"Back off," she ordered. "If anybody's going to finish off this b****, it's going to be me."

Putting aside Lucy's sudden change for now, I'm glad you gave a little more dimension to the Pokemon instead of making them generically evil.

Krookodile protracted his claws, and Malamar extended her tentacles. Lucy braced herself as the creatures lunged.

But the attack never came.

Krookodile's claw stopped just inches from Lucy's eye when another figure entered the room. Just like the previous intruders, the figure wore a white mask that covered his entire face. The only difference between his attire and theirs was that a black cloak covered his body, and a hood covered his head.

Important, possibly main antagonist alert right here.
 
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ChewieJ

Pokémon Writer
More Updates!

Hello, everyone, and welcome to another update!

Anyway, I want to tell you that Chapters 1-10 on this site has been converted to Chapters 1-6 on the other site. I just posted the finalized version of Chapter 02, "Save Her", which is the combination of the old Chapters 2 and 3, on this site, so you can check it out if you want. The other revised four will be up once my fingers have rested. Does anyone know a way to copy and paste chapters here without having to re-italicize and such the text? It's such a pain in the butt and very discouraging, so if any of you can tell me a way out of it, I will owe you BIG time.

Second, the next chapter isn't going to be posted until November. I know, I'm sorry. Fixing up this story is time-consuming, my fingers are hurting, and I want the next chapter to be good. I don't want you guys to read a half-assed chapter. Do you want to read a disappointment after the last chapter? Neither do I.

So that's it for now. Once I fix up all the chapters and make sure both sites have the same chapters, I'll notify you guys again so you'll know when you'll only have to wait for the next chapter. In the meantime, don't mind the "(IN CONSTRUCTION)"s if you see them. That just means I'm re-inputting the format changes of a finalized chapter. You'll know when a chapter is final or not if it has an official title.

Okay, now I gotta give my fingers and brain a rest. See you next time!
 
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ChewieJ

Pokémon Writer
Even More Updates!

Hi, everyone! Good news and bad news.

The good news is, both this site and the other site now have the revised chapters. Bad news, you might want to forget that schedule I mentioned earlier. The last of the revised chapters and the new chapter probably won't be all up until the end of the year. The revised chapters might be up this month, since they're the better chapters, but they're also the long chapters, so they'll take a while to get done.

As much as I want to get this story done, life is still busy as ever. I did start on the newest chapter, but I'm not even halfway done with it yet. Don't fret though. I'm planning on having about 20 chapters for this book, so the newest chapter will technically be the halfway point; and because it's the halfway point, you can bet it's gonna be awesome. It will really move the plot forward, and you guys will definitely like what you read.

I'm so sorry for posting updates instead of chapters. I really am working hard on this story. But don't worry. I did the same thing with the last chapter, and you guys ended up loving it. Give me a little more time, okay? I promise I won't disappoint. I'll keep you updated so you're not left in the dark. If I don't update for a really long time, I'm probably dead.

Thanks, everyone, for your support! I'll see you next time!
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
Lucy narrowed her eyes. He was the one that called off the pokémons' attack, but why did they listen to him? Was he their trainer too?

"The Pokemons' attack" doesn't sound quite right. I think it should be reworded into something else.

"Hello, Dr. Burns," the man greeted. "I'm glad you aren't harmed."

Lucy hissed.

Lucy hissed without actually speaking? What a strangely specific description... I wonder if there's more to the choice of using specifically that word.

"aren't harmed" is not incorrect, but it doesn't sound quite as smooth as it could. I recommend "aren't hurt" or "haven't been harmed."

"Hand over the girl, please," the man extended a hand. "We'll take her from here."

I would have liked to see more about his reaction to her hissing at him, given how unusual that is.

Lucy tightened her grip on Violet. "What are you going to do to her?"

"We're going to take her somewhere far away," the man answered, "somewhere she won't harm anyone anymore."

"No," Lucy pulled Violet close. "She's mine."

"Are you trying to save her?" the man asked.

That feels like a little bit of an odd direction for the conversation to go. I know that the man is not actually saying he's going to help her, and scrolling ahead indicates that he knows Lucy isn't interested in saving her, so it feels a little bit repetitive to him ask if Lucy wants to save her.

"I'm trying to kill her," Lucy corrected. "If anybody's going to get their hands on this b****, it's me."

Still not totally sure about how I feel on Lucy's sudden character change.

The man expected this, but Lucy didn't know that. She only watched as he redirected his hand.

"Redirected" doesn't really give me the clearest idea of what he's doing with his hand. Given that the next line specifically mentions him gesturing behind himself, you can probably cut the mention of his hand here.

"Alright then," the man gestured behind him. "Bring her in."

"behind himself" would be more clear in conveying your meaning.

Lucy gasped as Agatha was pulled into the room. Agatha tried to get out of his henchmen's, who looked just like the intruders from earlier, hold, but failed.

The second sentence here needs some work. Let me take a try at it:

"Agatha tried to escape from the henchmen, who looked just like the ones Violet had killed, but failed."

That's just rearranging what's there, but it needs some work beyond that. Specifically, it needs more detail on what she did to try to escape.

"Lucy!" Agatha called out. "Do what he says; they're dangerous people!"

"Listen to your mother, Dr. Burns," the man instructed. "We don't want your mother to end up like your husband, do we?"

Lucy snarled. "Let her go!"

"Give us the girl," the man told her, "and we will give you your mother."

Lucy's chest was heaving with rage. She glared at the masked man, and then at her mother. Her fingers slowly loosened her grip until, finally, Violet was on the ground.

There could be more description on the man's emotions, though maybe you were going for an emotionless tone for him.

Agatha's emotional description in the first line feels like it's missing something. It needs some more fleshing out.

Given that Lucy is so angry with Violet, I'd think that she'd be a little more willing to give up the right of killing Violet if it meant getting back someone who she actually cares about positively.

The man raised his head. "A wise choice."

He flicked his wrist, and the henchmen struck Agatha's back. They continued to hold her, however, as they laid her on the ground.

Lucy gasped. "What did you DO?"

The capitalization of "do" feels a little random, but the purpose is understandable. I think I might clarify Lucy's gasp with a further emotional descriptor like angry or horrified.

"Don't worry, she is only unconscious," the man assured. "I have something to say that your mother can't be present for."

Couldn't he just have the henchmen remove her from the room, then?

Lucy's glare intensified. "What do you want?"

"Your services."

Lucy widened her eyes.

"You have extended knowledge on subjects that serve me greatly," the man continued. "You will be great asset to my organization. With your help, we can achieve this organization's goal."

"You will be a great asset to my organization," and the "this organization" would sound better replaced with "our." It sounds more consistent, and it also sounds like he's trying to establish a familiar tone with her, almost as if he already considers her an ally.

Lucy glared at him. "And what goal is that?"

"To cleanse this world of these," he pointed at Violet, "beasts."

Lucy looked down at Violet, who was still unconscious.

"If you join me," the man continued, "you will not only avenge your husband and your friends, you will also avenge every other person on this planet that has suffered from these," he reaffirmed his point, "monsters."

The way he's describing Violet and others like her really feels like it's supporting my theory about what they are (and how it ties into the Ardonis and Melena flashbacks.)

Breaking from the quote to add "he reaffirmed his point" reads awkwardly. Try moving it up to earlier in the line, something like ""If you join me we will avenge every person on this planet who has suffered from these monsters," he continued, reaffirming his point. "That includes your husband and your friends.""

Lucy said nothing. Her hands were clenched, and her chest was heaving.

The man waved his hand again. The henchmen left Agatha's side and ran to Violet's body. Lucy only watched as they carried her away, her eyes still intense.

The fact that Lucy did not answer makes me feel like there's still part of her, deep down inside, that doesn't want them to carry Violet off and is regretting letting them do so. If she was so eager to get rid of Violet I think she would have joined without hesitation.

"If you change your mind..."

A card slipped out from the man's sleeve.

"Call us."

Lucy watched the henchmen exit through the front door. The man held up the card to her before placing it on Agatha's body.

"We are everywhere," the man told Lucy. "If you decide to call us, we will come."

Now this passage was really good. It establishes his character the most of anything yet with just a couple of theatrical, memorable actions.

The man turned around, leaving without another word. Krookodile and Malamar returned to their trainers' sides and lifted them on their backs. They gave Lucy one last look before following the man outside.

When the door finally closed, Lucy ran to her mother. She checked for a pulse and sighed. She was still alive.

Something fell on the ground, and Lucy picked it up. It was the card. The card was white and blank, but did say one word.

"Absterge"

Lucy frowned. She checked the card from front to back, but found nothing more. She became angry and checked again, but still found nothing more.

That's strangely creepy, the idea that there's no actual contact information but it's very clear they'd be able to find her again. The name helps that mood, too.

Isn't she already angry, though? Why is it "became angry?"

Then she stopped. Why was she getting mad? Why was she even looking? She wasn't going to join this man and his faceless henchmen. Not now, not ever.

Then she saw Matt from the corner of her eyes. His head was facing her, his eyes closed.

Lucy bit her lip. For a moment, she thought he was sleeping. She imagined him opening his eyes, sitting up, and shooting her a goofy grin. She waited for a moment, expecting him to do just that.

But he didn't. Of course he didn't. He was dead now. And it was all becaus---

I imagine that Lucy is very torn right now about what she's going to do. Her better parts are the ones saying that she'll never join that guy, but when she remembers why Matt is dead, I think she's seriously considering it.

Lucy looked up.

Sirens.

Cops burst into the vicinity with guns and searched the house. One of them stopped to look at Matt. He checked his pulse, then backed away slowly.

"Vicinity" is an odd word choice for this situation. Given the setting, "room" is probably better.

"He's dead, Bert," Lucy called out. The cop looked up and ran to her.

"Lucy!" Bert called out. His shaggy blonde hair bounced as he knelt beside her. "Are you okay? What happened?"

"A bunch of men came in and," Lucy paused, "attacked Matt. They used some kind of dark type attack. Maybe a Dark Pulse."

She must still want to protect Violet at some level, given that she's lying about who killed Matt.

Bert growled. "Did they hit you too?"

"No," Lucy answered. "Matt pushed me behind the wall so it wouldn't."

Bert sighed and fell back. He raked his scalp and turned back to Matt. A white sheet started covering Matt from foot to head. Bert then grunted as his best friend was carried away.

"A white sheet started covering Matt from foot to head" is really awkwardly worded. I think you should just mention that one of the cops put him in a body bag or covered him in the sheet, like "Another cop covered Matt's body from head to toe in a white sheet."

"I'm so sorry, Lucy," Bert groaned, for her grief as well as his own. Then he looked down at the old woman on Lucy's lap. "Is that..."

"Groaned" isn't the best word choice, but I'm not quite sure what I'd do to fix it.

"My mother, yes," Lucy confirmed. "The men knocked her out."

"Arceus," Bert cursed, raking his scalp again. He stood up and paced as medics came for Agatha. Lucy slipped the card in her pocket so no one could see it.

No one did.

Bert turned back to Lucy, his green eyes wide and teary.

"I-I..." he stammered, "need you to go downtown with me and m-make a final statement. We also need you to answer a few questions. Is th-that okay?"

Lucy nodded. "Of course," she said. "Just take me to the hospital after. I want to see my mom."

"Okay," Bert sighed, helping her to her feet. He then looked at Lucy's face. "Are you okay, Lucy?" he asked. "Not that I want you to be hysterical or anything. I just didn't expect you to be handling this so well."

Lucy looked back at him. "I guess having a cop as a husband for so long desensitized me."

There's definitely something more going on with her, I don't think she's that calm because of simple desensitization.

Melena screamed. Her head fell back on her pillow before curling back up.

"Push, dear!" Ardonis gripped her hand. "It's almost out!"

Ardonis and Melena were inside a stone temple high on top of a mountain. It was the safest place they could think to go when the child was being born. Jirachi warned them the birth would be painful, but they never imagined the pain would be that bad.


A stone temple high on a mountain... feels like something I think I've heard about before, dare I say.

I think the sentence "It was the safest place..." could use a bit of expansion. "It was the safest place they could think to go for when the child was being born." Or maybe "...for when Melena went into labor."

Melena screamed again. Her eyes sporadically changed from being full of life to empty and dull. The twisted cycle terrified Ardonis to tears. He gripped Melena's hand, praying the next time she returned his grip, it would stay there.

Melena screamed one last time, louder than the rest, and fell back. Ardonis gasped and took her in his arms. Her eyes were closed, and her body was limp.

"No," Ardonis shook his head. "NO!"

This is exactly what I would have predicted the price to be, she dies giving birth. That said...

A high-pitched scream broke through the air, but Ardonis paid it no heed. He gripped Melena's shoulders, tears falling on her cheeks.

"Melena!" Ardonis cried. "Melena, my love, wake up. Please wake up!"

A hand rose to his face, stroking his cheekbone. Ardonis gasped. Melena looked at him with tired eyes, comforting him with a smile.


...by scrolling ahead, I knew she would survive. So because of that, I have to wonder what the price actually is.

"Don't cry, my love," she hushed. "I'm right here."

Ardonis immediately embraced her, sobbing into her hair. Melena smiled and returned his embrace. They laid like that for a few moments, relieved by each other's presence. Then the unfamiliar screeching reached Melena's ears, and Melena gasped.

"A-Ardonis," Melena groaned, gently pushing him away. "Our child," she squeaked, "let me hold it."

Ardonis grumbled, but when he looked at his wife, who was pale and covered in sweat, he reluctantly obeyed. He kissed Melena on the eye before running to her legs. Between them was a tiny creature flailing about. Its cries continuing to pierce his ears, making Ardonis cringe at the high register. Ardonis wanted to be angry. Not only did the creature nearly kill his wife, it was covered in her blood.

He grumbled because he still is unconvinced about if he loves the child or not?

"Its cries continued to pierce his ears."

I'm kind of intrigued by the multiple uses of "creature" to describe the child...

But to his surprise, he felt no anger. He only picked the creature up and stared.

Ardonis jumped when the temple started shaking. Melena, who was too tired to scream, only froze in place. Ardonis felt the same dread she felt; but before he could run to her, the temple's doors burst open, revealing a line of people he knew too well.

"Ardonis!" one of them said. "Give us the child!"

"No!" Ardonis yelled. The child let out a scream, turning everyone's attention to it.

"That's it!" Another person in the line said. "Get it!"

Ardonis cursed and tucked the child to his chest. He ran to Melena's side as the line of people charged.

Then, as if by instinct, he screamed.

"ARMEUS!"

Everyone stopped. A wave of white light burst from Ardonis's chest. When Ardonis pulled back, he saw the light was actually coming from the child.

The child screamed as light spread to the worlds beyond. Melena cried out in joy. Ardonis was trembling.

The line of people drew closer. Ardonis stood back, ready to fight.

Then, one by one, they started to bow.

What an interesting way to end the chapter... I'm not really sure what to make of it. There's clearly something supernatural going on here, though exactly what it is I cannot determine yet. I'm sure when I find out I'll connect it all retroactively.

I've already discussed a lot of my thoughts on various things in this chapter with you elsewhere, so I won't write a summary of my points like I usually do. I hope what I've said will help you.
 
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ChewieJ

Pokémon Writer
The Final Update (Before the Next Chapter)...Promise!

Hi, everyone! How are you all doing? Well? Good to hear!

Anyway, I want to start by thanking you guys so much for supporting my story. I know my hiatus is long (again), but it's not technically a hiatus if I’ve been spending that time updating the chapters. Speaking of which, I highly suggest you read the updated chapters. The changes are mostly grammatical, so don't worry, no plot changes were made. Read the chapters not only to read their improved versions, but to catch up on parts of the story you might have forgotten AND gather clues on what might happen next. The events of my story may seem random, muddled, or shocking, but you'd be very surprised by how much you can predict (or at least expect) when you note even the "small" parts of the story. Or maybe you don't want to do that and be pleasantly surprised; that works too. Whatever makes your reading experience pleasurable.

The second thing I want to say is that at this point of the story, you probably have a lot of questions---or one question, maybe a couple of questions, whatever---and they're not answered in the chapters, updates, or review responses (*cough*they could be if you reviewed*cough*). If that's the case, I want to give you guys the opportunity to have those questions answered. After posting the next chapter, I'm going to post what's called "Purple Qs and As", in which I answer questions you post on reviews, private messages, Fanfiction.net reviews and PMs (Yeah, the other site is FF.net. No point hiding it since nobody else is), and---specifically made for you guys---email. That's right, my official (contact) email for fanfic readers has been created. If you guys decide you don't want to review or PM for any reason, you can email your questions and comments at chewiesunrises@gmail.com. I already have a few questions asked by a couple of readers to answer; I can't wait to hear yours as well.

Finally, since you guys are so awesome in supporting my work (and I'm taking forever to post the next chapter), I want to show you a preview of what's happening in the next chapter. Obvious spoiler alert is obvious, because what I'm about to show you isn't just a preview, it's literally an event that happens in the story. Feel free to click it for a sneak peak. Some changes may be made in the final draft, but this is basically the main gist of what's going to happen:

He tilted his head. When his father asked him to spy on their enemy, he expected to find someone more threatening. What he found instead was a woman frolicking with tiny, non-threatening pokémon. The woman herself wasn't even hideous or intimidating. She was actually quite beautiful.

He watched her laugh and run around a field of flowers, sending petals and leaves trailing behind her and her companions. The woman wore a long white gown that surprisingly didn't trip her, and a golden tiara that glinted brightly in the sunlight. The grass danced animatedly beneath her feet as the wind howled ardently. The flowers, the ones that had yet to be trampled, swayed with her every move. The woman didn't seem aware of the damage she was causing to the green-life; she was too preoccupied by the pokémon behind her, who were bouncing and cheering at her every step.

He leaned against one of the many trees not far from the flower field. He hid in the tree's shadow so he would remain hidden. His entire being stuck out in bright, colorful settings, and he was painfully aware of it. His attire was completely black, and his hair and eyes were also black. The only feature he had that wasn't so dark was his skin, which was pale and almost gray. That made sense to the stranger, considering there was no sun in his kingdom. The man crossed his arms and pondered what to do. He was tasked by his father to gather information, and there was only so much he could learn from hiding in the distance. He could only conclude that the woman liked to play games, and he was very sure his father wanted more than that.

So the stranger stepped out of the shadows. His outfit immediately absorbed the heat of the sunlight, but the man forced himself to ignore it. He had to focus on the woman he was approaching, who had then noticed his presence and turned around. The woman stared at him with wide eyes. He saw her long eyelashes sweep up and down.

"Hello," the woman greeted slowly. "Who are you?"

"Just a stranger," he answered, stepping over a stone. "I'm assuming you're the princess?"

"I am," the woman crossed her arms. "What is your name?"

"You can call me..."

The stranger looked up briefly to think, then turned back when he stopped in front of the lady.

"Jin."

The woman relaxed at the answer. She then extended her hand, surprising the dark visitor.

"Hello, Jin," she formally greeted, "my name is Armeus."

"I know," Jin shook her hand. "You are the princess."

"My parents..." Armeus slowly took her hand back, "raised me to be polite. It is polite to introduce one's name when meeting someone for the first time."

"What if that someone wants to hurt you?" Jin remarked. "Still think it's smart to tell them your name?"

He expected the princess to be offended. After all, she was of royal descent. Speaking to her so bluntly was considered rude and inappropriate. He wouldn't be surprised if the princess threw a fit and demanded her father to arrest him.

But to his surprise, the woman did no such thing. She smirked instead, causing him to raise an eyebrow.

"Not everyone you meet will hurt you," she then told him, "but if they were to try, we can only hope they do it politely."

Jin let out a loud laugh, surprising the princess. His cackling seemed to amuse her, because she started to laugh as well. Jin took that opportunity to steal glances between bouts. The princess had a long face, he noted, and a slightly-rounded chin. Her long straight hair was almost as dark as his, but had a gray shade that glistened almost white in the sunlight. She had unbelievably long eyelashes and rosy cheeks, but what fascinated him the most were her eyes. They were stunning orbs of violet.

His observations were then interrupted by the cries of pokémon. A seedot was leaping at his feet, glaring at him. Jin immediately returned the glare.

"Please settle down," the princess hushed, but the pokémon continued their commotion. Another pokémon, a chikorita, bit the princess’s dress and tried to pull her away.

"Perhaps they want to keep playing with you," Jin immediately stepped back. "I should leave."

"No, wait," Armeus whipped her head to him. "Why don't...you join us?"

Jin frowned. "Join you?"

"Why not?"

"I don't..." Jin grimaced, "frolic..."

"Are you sure?" Armeus tilted her head. "It's very fun."

"To you, maybe," Jin remarked. Then he paused and looked down.

"Maybe..." he then said, "maybe next time."

Armeus blinked. "You're coming back?"

"Sure," Jin looked back up, "unless, you don't want me to."

The princess scoffed.

"Don't be silly," she waved him off. "Everyone is welcome in my father's kingdom."

Not everyone, Jin mentally remarked, but kept the comment to himself. He only gave the princess a smile before taking another step back.

"Will you be here again tomorrow?" he asked.

"Of course," Armeus replied. She then looked down at the pokémon, who were protesting even louder that time. "Maybe I should leave the pokémon behind," she added. "They don't seem to like strangers."

The pokémon were practically screaming at that point, but the princess paid them no heed. That greatly pleased the visitor.

"Very well, princess," Jin nodded. "Same time?"

"Yes," Armeus confirmed. "Same time."

Jin gave her a two-fingered salute before heading back to the forest. His bangs slipped in front of his eyes as a smirk stretched across his face.

To those who read the spoiler, OOOOOOOOOOO!!!! To those who didn’t, we still love you. You’ll read it in anyway in the next chapter, and you’ll like it just the same.

That’s it for the updates, everyone! The next post will be The Great Butler’s review response, maybe (hopefully) other review responses, and then it’s the next chapter. It will probably be up either late November or early December, but no promises. Just greatness ;)
 

ChewieJ

Pokémon Writer
Review Response for THE GREAT BUTLER (Chapter 13)

Hello, everyone! It’s ChewieJ here back with another review response. Today’s/tonight’s response is gonna be for The Great Butler on his review of Chapter 13. Give a big thanks to this guy. His reviews are a big reason why the chapters are getting better and better.

Unlike previous responses, however, I won’t comment on everything he said. Not because I don’t want to, but because I literally don’t have a comment for everything. The ones I do comment on though are significant, so read them if you want to read the facts. If there’s anything you want answered that isn’t mentioned in the response, write it in your own review or message/email it to me. The email is in the previous update.

Without further ado, let’s proceed with the response!


I have to lick my lips here, that's the good stuff. :p

It is. This chapter may be intense, but the future ones will be a little more...graphic as I continue to improve my writing. I’ll keep the level of explicitness controlled, of course, but if the scenes prove to be too much, even if my story officially becomes rated R/M, I’ll probably just censor or leave out the scenes and have them available only on Fanfiction.net.

I honestly never would have guessed I'd get a backstory for Keldeo joining the Swords of Justice in this story, but you're handling it well so I'm glad you included it. I'm eager to see how it ties into everything else going on, because I've sure got some ideas.

Thank you, and I can’t wait to hear them! After all, the story you guys read/watched in the original source material will not be the same in my story. Ohh oh, no, things are gonna be different here.

"Yes," Matt's frown deepened. "Yes they are."

"Who's Ian and Alakazam?" Taboden asked.

Use "who are," since you're referring to two individuals.

This grammar mistake was actually intentional. The dialogue has to be as realistic as the plot (to a certain extent, of course), after all, and ten year old boys don’t always have perfect grammar when they speak.

You're nailing the unsettling atmosphere. I really am feeling how disturbed Violet and Lucy both are by it.

Thank you! Looking back at this scene now, I agree it was as unsettling as I wanted it to be, but also believe it could’ve had a little more “oomph”. I concur with your past (future? I don’t remember) comments about my scenes needing more description and I’m currently working on it. It’s why the next chapter may take longer to be published, but will be significantly better than the previous ones.

Well, we're getting there. I may not like him as a person, but I'm starting to understand him more.

I know some of you beloved readers may think I lied about Matt’s character exposition being extended because I suddenly killed him off, but I really wasn’t. His character exposition is actually a huge part of the next chapter. You’ll see; and when you do, it will all make sense.

I think the one downside to these characters being strictly in flashbacks is that we don't get much of a glimpse of their history, so Ardonis's irrational thoughts here could potentially be misinterpreted depending on the reader. I understand that he isn't behaving reasonably due to the stress of the situation, but another reader may not get that.

Well I actually like that different readers have different interpretations of the story, so I wouldn’t worry too much if they don’t see exactly what I see---especially this early in the story. And I wouldn’t worry about the lack of character information either. After all, the point of the story, as said in the story hook/summary, is to find answers to questions like who Violet is and how she and the others came to be. Answers will come, everyone. Not immediately, of course, but that’s what makes reading the story fun.

"Why were Ian and Alakazam in the hospital" is the correct phrasing.

THAT grammar error wasn’t intentional. Thanks for pointing it out; I just fixed it!

"The Pokemons' attack" doesn't sound quite right. I think it should be reworded into something else.

Well I thought writing “the pokémon’s attack” would insinuate only one pokémon was attacking, so I wrote it like I did. If you have any better suggestions, however, feel free to tell me. I’m all ears.

I imagine that Lucy is very torn right now about what she's going to do. Her better parts are the ones saying that she'll never join that guy, but when she remembers why Matt is dead, I think she's seriously considering it.

Character change isn’t always instantaneous, of course, so expect it to be expanded in the next chapters.

"A white sheet started covering Matt from foot to head" is really awkwardly worded. I think you should just mention that one of the cops put him in a body bag or covered him in the sheet, like "Another cop covered Matt's body from head to toe in a white sheet."

No, I actually wanted to depict Matt’s corpse being covered from his feet all the way up to his head. I do agree it was worded a bit awkwardly. I’ll do a better job with similar scenes in the future.


Thanks again to The Great Butler for his kind, but constructive review. When the next chapter ends up awesome, you can thank him for that.
 

ChewieJ

Pokémon Writer
Chapter 10's Author's Note

Hello, everyone! I apologize for the incredibly late update. I have been preoccupied with many things these past few months, will be more so during the summer, so productions of the chapter have been immensely delayed. Nevertheless, I bring it to you today in hopes that it will be worth the wait.

But before you begin reading this long-anticipated chapter, I bring you important news. Due to the questionable responses the story is receiving (it's the most popular story of mine on this website but the least popular story of mine on Fanfiction.net), I'm starting another poll on whether I should continue working on this story or not. Votes will be anonymous in hopes that more people will vote this way. This is no longer due to the lack of reviews (I have long given up on anticipating them in this site since I get much more on the other). Fanfiction.net is becoming my main publishing site due to its user-friendly functions and greater reader responses; and as I've mentioned before, this story is the least popular one compared to the other stories I publish there. If I were to invest my limited time working on stories I love, I want to ensure that I'm working on the ones other people love as well. Despite the recent jump in popularity from the last chapter, I am still not sure whether people still want to read this story or not.

And that's where the poll comes in.

The poll will be up as soon as possible. If I get enough "Yes"s, I will happily continue updating the story. If I get enough "No"s or no response at all, the story will be discontinued, and I will get a moderator to close the thread.

With that being said, enjoy the chapter!

NOTE: Due to the length of the chapter, the chapter will be separated into different parts.
 
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ChewieJ

Pokémon Writer
Chapter 10 (A Crack)

He tilted his head. When his father asked him to spy on their enemy, he expected to find someone more threatening. What he found instead was a woman frolicking with tiny, non-threatening pokémon. The maiden herself wasn't even hideous or intimidating. She was actually quite beautiful.

He watched her laugh and run in a field of flowers. The woman wore a long white gown that surprisingly didn't trip her and a golden tiara that glinted brightly in the sunlight. The grass danced animatedly beneath her feet as the wind howled ardently. The flowers, the ones that had yet to be trampled, swayed with her every move. She didn't seem aware of the damage she was causing to the green life; she was too preoccupied with her playmates, who were bouncing and cheering at her every step.

He leaned against one of the many trees not far from the flower field. He hid in the tree's shadow so he would remain hidden. His entire being stuck out in bright, colorful settings, and he was aware of it. His attire was completely black, and his hair and eyes were also black. The only feature he had that wasn't so dark was his skin, which was pale and almost gray. That made sense to him, considering there was no sun in his kingdom.

The man crossed his arms and pondered what to do. He was tasked to gather information, and there was only so much he could learn from hiding in the distance. He could only conclude that the woman liked to play games, and he was very sure his father wanted more than that.

So he stepped out of the shadows. His outfit immediately absorbed the heat of the sunlight, but he forced himself to ignore it. He had to focus on the woman he was approaching, who had then noticed his presence and turned around. She stared at him with wide eyes. The man watched her long lashes sweep up and down.

"Hello..." the woman greeted slowly. "Who are you?"

"Just a stranger," he answered, stepping over a stone. "I'm assuming you're the princess?"

"I am," the woman crossed her arms. "What is your name?"

"You can call me..."

The stranger looked up briefly to think, then turned back when he stopped in front of her.

"Jin."

The woman relaxed at the answer. She then extended her hand, surprising him.

"Hello, Jin," she formally greeted, "my name is Armeus."

"I know," Jin shook her hand. "You are the princess."

"My parents..." Armeus slowly took her hand back, "raised me to be polite. It is polite to introduce one's name when meeting someone for the first time."

"What if that someone wants to hurt you?" Jin pointed out. "Still think it's smart to tell them your name?"

He expected her to be offended. After all, she was of royal descent. Speaking to her so bluntly was considered rude and inappropriate. He wouldn't be surprised if she threw a fit and demanded her father to arrest him.

But to his surprise, the princess did no such thing. She smirked instead, causing him to raise an eyebrow.

"Not everyone you meet will hurt you," she then told him, "but if they were to try, we could only hope they do it politely."

Jin let out a loud laugh, surprising her. His cackling seemed to amuse her because she started to laugh as well. He took that opportunity to steal glances between bouts. Armeus had a long face, he noted, and a slightly rounded chin. Her long straight hair was almost as dark as his but had a gray shade that glistened almost white in the sunlight. She had unbelievably long eyelashes and rosy cheeks, but what fascinated him the most were her eyes. They were stunning orbs of violet.

His observations were then interrupted by the cries of pokémon. A seedot was leaping at his feet, glaring at him. Jin immediately returned the glare.

"Please settle down," the princess hushed, but the pokémon continued. Another one, a chikorita, bit the princess's dress and tried to pull her away.

"Perhaps they want to keep playing with you," Jin stepped back. "I should leave."

"No, wait," Armeus whipped her head to him. "Why don't...you join us?"

Jin frowned. "Join you?"

"Why not?"

"I don't..." Jin grimaced, "
frolic..."

"Are you sure?" Armeus tilted her head. "It's very fun."

"To
you, maybe," Jin remarked. Then he paused and looked down. "Maybe..." he then said, "maybe next time."

Armeus blinked. "You're coming back?"

"Sure," Jin looked back up, "unless, you don't want me to."

The princess scoffed. "Don't be silly," she waved off. "Everyone is welcome in my father's kingdom."

Not
everyone, Jin mentally remarked but kept the comment to himself. He only gave the princess a smile before taking another step back. "Will you be here again tomorrow?"

"Of course," Armeus replied. She then looked down at the pokémon, who were protesting even louder. "Maybe I should leave the pokémon behind. They don't seem to like strangers."

The pokémon were practically screaming at this point, but the princess paid them no heed. This greatly pleased the visitor.

"Very well, princess," Jin nodded. "Same time?"

"Yes," Armeus confirmed. "Same time."

Jin gave her a two-fingered salute before heading back to the forest. His bangs slipped in front of his eyes as a smirk stretched across his face.


~.~

Lucy turned to her left, and then to her right. After Bert dropped her off at the hospital, she immediately requested for her mother's room number. The nurses said Agatha was fine but had yet to wake up.

She nodded politely as she passed a number of staff and patients. She never removed her lab coat, so she looked like just another doctor. No one could've suspected the horrors she had been through, what she had seen, nor would they have been able to guess. Her face was unreadable.

Lucy stopped in front of a white door and opened it. Inside the room was her mother laying on a hospital bed. Agatha had an IV connected to her arm, but her chest rose and fell steadily, indicating she was okay.

Lucy approached the wooden chair next to her bed and sat on it. She then took her mother's hand and squeezed it between her fingers. She was silent for a few moments, watching her mother sleep, until the older woman started to awaken. Agatha's eyelids rose and fell sporadically as she adjusted to the light.

"L...Lucy?" she called out. Her vision was hazy. She had to blink a few times until the peach ceiling came to her vision. She then turned to her daughter, who was staring at her intently.

"Hey, Mom," Lucy responded, giving her a half-hearted smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Alright," Agatha answered. Lucy watched her eyes widen and look at her with alarm. "Are you alright?" she questioned. "And Matt! Where's Matt?"

Lucy frowned. Her grip on Agatha's hand loosened.

"Dead."

Agatha gasped. "Wh-what, what h-happened?"

"Violet killed him," Lucy replied. "But she's gone now. The masked people took her away."

Agatha trembled, taking Lucy's hand with both of hers.

"H-Honey," she croaked. "I-I'm...I'm so sorry!"

She pulled her daughter into her arms. Lucy encircled her arms around her, returning her embrace.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart!" Agatha cried. "If I had known that little girl was evil, I never should've—"

"It's okay, Mom," Lucy assured. "No one knew what she really was. Not even me."

"And the masked people," Agatha gasped. "Did they hurt you?"

Lucy looked ahead. She remembered when the hooded man offered her a job. She still had the card he gave her tucked in her pocket, hidden from sight.

"No," Lucy answered, "no they didn't."

Agatha pulled away, tears streaming down her eyes. She traced a thumb across Lucy's cheek, noting the missing teardrops.

"We'll arrange the funeral right away," Agatha told her. "After that, I'm going to talk to every police officer in the station myself and tell them to hunt that girl down! She won't get away with this, Lucy. She won't get away with Matt's death!"

Lucy squeezed her hand. "Of course, Mom," she said. "A couple of detectives are going to come in soon and ask you a few questions. Could you do me a favor and tell me what you're going to tell them?"

"Of course!" Agatha replied. She looked up to the ceiling as memories of the events resurfaced in her mind. "I was in the kitchen washing the dishes when three masked people came into the kitchen. Two of them only wore black spandex and a belt and the third wore a black hood and cloak. I was about to scream, but the hooded man told me not to or else he would hurt you. So I stayed quiet as he left through the back door.

A few minutes later, I was being dragged out of the living room where I saw you and Violet. I saw two other masked men on the ground and two angry pokémon around them and became scared. I thought they were going to kill you, so I told you to listen to them so they wouldn't! Fortunately, you did, but the men holding me knocked me out, and I didn't get to see anything else."

Lucy nodded, listening to every word. "Is that all you remember? Was that all you saw?"

"Y-Yes," Agatha nodded. She gripped Lucy's hand, and her eyes became frantic. "What happened after I was knocked out, Lucy? What did they do next?"

Lucy took back her hand.

"Nothing."

Agatha gasped. Stuck to her right arm was a syringe Lucy was injecting her with. Her eyes became glossy; her thoughts became hazy.

Lucy pulled back the needle and re-capped it. She tucked the syringe back into her pocket just when two detectives entered the room.

"Hello, Mrs. Mills. Dr. Burns," one of them greeted.

"We'd like to ask you a few questions, Mrs. Mills," the other one continued. "We would like to start the interrogation as soon as possible. It's very important."

Lucy recognized the detectives immediately. They worked in Matt's squad. Derek and Regina were their names. She turned to her mother, whose eyes were becoming clearer to notice the detectives.

"What do you say, Mom?" Lucy asked. "Can they ask you questions now?"

Agatha blinked. "Questions? Questions about what?"

"The incident at the beach house..." Derek answered slowly.

"Incident? At the beach house?" Agatha gasped. "Why? What happened?"

"You...don't remember?" Regina asked.

"No," Agatha shook her head. "When did it happen?"

"Just this morning," Derek answered gravely. "Mrs. Mills, do you really not remember what happened at the beach house?"

Agatha looked down. She really tried to remember what they were talking about, but no memory of such was coming to mind. Lucy took her hand and stroked it with her thumb.

"She was probably a bit traumatized by the event, or maybe just tired," Lucy suggested. "Do you mind coming back later?"

Derek and Regina frowned, but when they looked at the old woman's hopeless stare, they realized it was fruitless to pursue the matter further.

"Alright then," Derek sighed and opened the door. "We'll speak to you at a better time, Mrs. Mills."

Agatha frowned. She wanted to apologize, but the detectives had already left the room. She looked down at her bedsheets, her eyes glossy. "Why can't I remember?" she whimpered.

"Maybe you just need rest," Lucy suggested. "Don't worry, Mom. I'll handle this."

"How?"

"I just will," Lucy told her. "I need you to trust me, okay?"

Agatha's frown remained, but she nodded. "Alright."

Lucy gave her a small smile and patted her hand. Agatha smiled back but then remembered something.

"Lucy..."

"Yes?"

"Matt is really dead," Agatha trembled, "isn't he?"

Lucy frowned. "Yes, yes, he is."

Lucy unconsciously looked down to her left hand, where her wedding ring was. She watched the jewelry glisten at the fluorescent lights above. Then she thought of her late husband again and remembered how the two met.

Lucy looked down at her entwined fingers. People who passed the bench she was sitting on paid her no heed, making her feel a little bit less ridiculous. She was outside the school library waiting for Ian to finish studying once again. She couldn't call his phone since it was always on silent, and she couldn't go to him either because he didn't want to be disturbed. They had their share of arguments on the matter, but the results were always the same. Ian would choose his books, and Lucy would wait outside.

But that day wasn't any other day, however, so Lucy was more than disappointed that the outcome was still the same. She was wearing a white flowy dress that day with matching sandals. Because she went to her house to change, she was able to swap her backpack for an expensive silver hand purse. Her hair was curled to look like a reddish-orange sea, and her face was made up to bring out her green eyes and pink lips. She looked like a true lady, her mother had commented earlier. What Ian would say, Lucy could only imagine.

"Hi, there."

Lucy looked up. A tall boy around her age, sixteen or seventeen years old, was standing in front of her. He had short jet black hair and icy blue eyes. He wore a red long sleeve polo shirt, dark blue jeans, and black sneakers. His navy blue backpack almost fell from his left shoulder, but he quickly tugged it up.

"Lucy, right?" he asked.

"U-Umm...yeah," Lucy straightened her posture. "Do I know you?"

"Doubt it, but I know you," the boy grinned. "I'm Matt, Ian's best friend. I've seen your picture in Ian's lock screen."

"Oh,
Matt," Lucy breathed out. "Ian has mentioned you a few times. I wonder why we've never met."

"Our nerdy man probably didn't think we had to," Matt shrugged. "After all, I haven't really seen you in person until now."

"I," Lucy looked down, "I guess..."

"What are you doing here anyway?" Matt asked. "School ended an hour ago."

"I'm waiting for Ian," Lucy entwined her fingers. "I'm waiting for him to finish studying."

Matt furrowed his eyebrows. "He's studying? In the library?"

"Yup."

"How?" Matt stepped forward. "He went home early today."

Lucy froze. "He did?"

"Yeah, he said he wasn't feeling good," Matt told her. "Didn't he tell you?"

Lucy collapsed to the back of the bench. "No."

"That's messed up," Matt shook his head. "Why didn't you call or text him earlier?"

"His phone is always on silent," Lucy answered, "and he doesn't want to be disturbed, so I always wait for him out here."

"Oh man."

"And it's our anniversary today too."

"Dude," Matt groaned, half slapping-half raking his scalp. "That is so messed up!"

Lucy's nails started digging into her skin. "Yeah," she croaked.

"I can understand Ian suddenly bailing on me without saying a word 'cause he's done it lots of times before, but his
girlfriend?"

Lucy didn't say anything. She kept her eyes on her painted fingernails, holding back tears. Matt noticed her actions and leaned forward.

"Hey," he called out, "
hey."

Lucy lifted her head, but refused to look at him.

"Why don't
I take you out?" Matt suggested.

Lucy jumped. "But...But I—"

"Don't worry, it's not gonna be like
that," Matt rolled his eyes. "It's just gonna be two acquaintances having burgers and fries together. Maybe talk a little smack since we've been stood up by the same guy."

Despite her diminished mood, Lucy let out a big, amused laugh. His words were just what she needed to cheer up, and it felt good to have a guy make her feel good for once.

"Sure."


~.~

The dining room would've been bright with afternoon sun, but because it was raining yet again, Denerro had no choice but to settle for the light of the chandeliers. The rain pattered loudly outside the windows, filling the room with an independent rhythm that played surprisingly well with the sonata resounding from the speakers.

Denerro relaxed into his seat, tired from his recent errand. His son should be arriving any moment, for he called his chauffeur and demanded that they return. The maids were already setting down the food the chefs had prepared for them. All that was left was for him and his son to reunite and partake of their meals together.

When Denerro's phone started ringing, he grudgingly lifted it from the table. No one should be calling him that hour unless something had gone wrong; and with the previous tasks he had just partaken way too early in the morning, he really hoped nothing had turned for the worst. The consequences would be too severe, and he wasn't prepared to deal with what would happen if even one of them went awry. But to his surprise, Werner was calling him through the phone again. This surprised Denerro, for he was certain matters were stated very clear in their breakfast meeting. Maybe his boss wanted to congratulate him for a job well done, but it was highly unlikely. Werner wasn't one to give praise. Only the chance to live another day.

Denerro gulped and pressed his phone's reply button. He cleared his throat and shivered his thoughts away before greeting his superior with the clearest voice he could muster. "Hello, sir."

"Have you gotten rid of him?" Werner replied on the other line.

Denerro blinked. He expected the man to comment on the attended mission, but instead, his straight-forward boss was bringing up another topic he had to gently ask clarification for.

"Ian Quest," Werner stated. "Did you get rid of him?"

Denerro frowned. He had just discovered that the employee and his pokémon were just admitted to the hospital for mysterious reasons, and he wasn't anticipating the day his favorite worker heals from his injuries only to put down by the termination of his job. He still hadn't asked Werner why he would want Ian gone—not that he would ask. Still, what bothered him most was that he was speaking like he didn't know what just happened to the man he was trying to fire.

"He is still unconscious at the hospital, sir," Denerro told him, "but don't worry, I will let him know of his termination as soon as he wakes up."

A grunt was heard from the other line, instinctively causing Denerro to stiffen.

"Denerro," Werner called out gravely, "did you think I wanted you to fire Quest?"

Denerro's breath hitched. He had a guess as to what Werner was implying but needed to hear it from him. "Isn't...Isn't that what you wanted?"

"No," Werner answered. "I want you to get rid of him...for good."

Denerro gasped and leaped to the edge of his seat. His jaws hardened as his eyes practically popped out of their sockets. "S-Sir."

"Don't tell me you're hesitating, Denerro," Werner questioned, "you're not about to disobey me, are you?"

"N-No, sir!" Denerro replied. He knew his voice was shaking then and struggled to regain his composure, " I just...didn't understand…"

"Then allow me to help you understand," Werner stated. "I didn't think you'd need to know this, but it seems you need a little push."

Denerro sat up. "Know what, sir?"

"Ian Quest isn't just any scientist that was once useful to us," Werner started, "he is the orphan child of Richard Oak."

Denerro froze, his body going rigid.

"That's right, Denerro," Werner confirmed. "The injured, vulnerable man on a hospital bed isn't Ian Quest. He is Samuel Oak."

~.~

Aaron gripped the edge of the doorframe. The helicopter's wings spun rapidly above him, throwing his brown locks into a frenzy. His honey-colored eyes stared intently at the airship below. He focused on the compartment at the center, where their target was.

Their enemy was smart this time. Instead of containing their prisoner at the far ends of their ship, they placed it right at the center where it was, no doubt, heavily-surrounded by guards. The airship was coated with a material that prevented heat sensors from going through, so if he were to attack the ship, he would be going in blind.

"I could go with you, you know."

Aaron smirked and turned to his speaker. She had almost white blonde hair tied in a long braid and brown eyes that glinted a hint of red. Just like him, she wore a full-body camouflage suit. She was a few inches shorter than him, so he had to look down.

"I told you, I'll be fine," he assured. "Besides, I've been training something for a while now, and this will be a good opportunity to test it out."

"But this isn't a training session, Aaron," the woman scolded. "This is real."

"Which is more of a reason I should go."

"Aaron..."

"I'll be fine, Elena," Aaron took her by the shoulders. "Don't be scared."

"I-I'm not s-scared!" the woman cried.

"Yes you are," Aaron said, "and that's why I need you to calm down right now. You know what happens when you're scared."

Elena's frown deepened. She gripped the front of Aaron's shirt and looked him in the eye. "I can't lose you too."

"You won't," Aaron tightened his grip. "Just have faith in me. I can do this."

Elena seemed hesitant but eventually released his shirt. Aaron pulled her head to him and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. "I'll be back," he then said.

When he leaped from the helicopter, Elena held her breath until he landed on the ship's roof. Her fear escalated, as well as the icy feeling gathering on her fingers. But then she noted her lover's fleeting heat on her lips, and her fingers became warm.

"I'll be waiting."

~.~

Violet trembled. She was back on the weary rope bridge, but her surroundings were darker than before. She could no longer see the grassy realms in front and behind her. It seemed as if the only place that was illuminated by an unknown light was the place she was sitting at.

Tears streamed down her face as she pulled her knees to her chest. Memories of what she had done flashed in her mind. The darkness, her darkness, had killed people. But what haunted her the most was what she did to Matt. Matt, Lucy's husband, was dead. It didn't matter if he was hostile to her; he was everything to Lucy. And she took him away from her...forever.

The look on Lucy's face was terrifying. It no longer held the same warm, nurturing expression she quickly associated with comfort and safety. Lucy didn't look like herself anymore, but a stranger she was afraid of. And she was right to be afraid because Lucy had attacked her.

"Good job, Violet."

Violet gasped. When she looked up, the mysterious figure was walking toward her.

"I had a plan, you know," the figure continued, "I was about to gain your trust, make you love me, and then completely pull the rug out from under you so you can hate me with all of your heart. But then today happened, and I finally realized what I should've known a long time ago."

Violet flinched when the figure stopped in front of her. She would've been disturbed by its twisted words, but then its eyeholes were directly in front of her face. The darkness in them made Violet feel sick. So sick, she felt bile gathering in the back of her throat.

"The only person you can hate more than me, more than anyone, is yourself," the figure stated, "and that weakness...is exactly what I need."

Violet screeched when the fingers plunged into her eye sockets. She pulled back, but the movement caused her cry to turn into a blood-curling shriek.

The figure placed its hands over its eyeholes and leaned back. Eyelids replaced the gaps and then opened to reveal wide, violet eyes.

"Ah, yes," the figure moaned, blinking again and again. "It's been ages since I've had these."

Violet gasped. Realization finally hit her as tremors shook her body. When the tips of her fingers waved air where her eyes used to be, she screamed.

"Oh don't worry; you'll get used to them," she heard the figure assure. "As a matter of fact, let me help you remember what it feels like to have nothing."

The ground disappeared below Violet's body, as well as the light that illuminated the setting. The only thing that could be deciphered from the increasing darkness was Violet's shriek.
 
Last edited:

ChewieJ

Pokémon Writer
~.~

Lucy opened a door and entered. Ian was laying on the bed with his right arm wrapped in bandages. His face contorted in pain. Sweat trickled down his face as his body trembled.

Lucy walked closer. She raised a hand over Ian's body and hovered it over his head.

"Alaka!"

Lucy froze. Alakazam ran into the room, staring at her with wide eyes. When she looked at her, Alakazam froze.

"Alakazam," Lucy blinked, "you're alright."

Alakazam didn't reply.

"Thank goodness," Lucy turned to her, "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you guys too."

Alakazam gasped. "Alaka?"

"My husband's dead, Alakazam," Lucy told her. "Violet killed him."

Alakazam started shaking.

"It's true," Lucy insisted, "I saw it with my own eyes. But she's gone now; some men took her away."

Alakazam immediately ran to Ian's side. She grabbed his shoulders and shook him, begging him to wake up.

"Alaka!"

"Alakazam, stop it!" Lucy tried to pull her away. "You'll hurt him!"

Alakazam turned to her and hissed. Lucy stepped back. "What is with you?"

Then she froze. She remembered her husband's words. Violet could manipulate people. She had manipulated Alakazam.

"Alaka!" Alakazam rocked Ian. "ALAKA!"

Ian didn't stir.

"Alakazam!" Lucy yelled. Alakazam stopped and glared at her again. "I know what's gotten into you," Lucy continued, "and I can explain."

Alakazam's glare intensified.

"Violet has powers we don't understand," Lucy told her. "She's manipulating our emotions to control us. When a couple of men tried to take her away, she not only killed them but my husband too, the only one who could resist her power. She's the enemy, not me."

Alakazam said nothing. She couldn't believe the doctor's words, but knew she wasn't lying. She knew something was going on, but Lucy's explanation wasn't the answer. She just knew it.

When Lucy sensed the psychic's doubt, she shook her head. Violet's influence was too deep in Alakazam; nothing would bring her back. Then again, wasn't she the first one who betrayed them when she released Violet and Lucario back to the temple?

Lucy turned to Ian, who was still laying still on his bed. Ian was the first one to question Lucario and Violet's motives, and could be the last. She couldn't lose him then. He was all she had left.

"Ian," Lucy called out, gripping his wrist, "wake up. Please wake up. I need you."

Ian gasped. His body was about to rise from the bed, but pain immediately shot through his system, and he cursed out in pain.

"Ian!" Lucy grasped his hand. She didn't know how he suddenly woke up but didn't think much of it.

"Alaka!" Alakazam called out, shaking his weakened form.

"Arceus," Ian groaned, "where am I? Why does everything hurt?"

"You're in the hospital," Lucy told him. "But you're safe now. Nothing is ever going to hurt you."

When Ian's eyes finally adjusted to the light, the first person he turned to was Lucy. He almost didn't recognize her. She looked the same as before, physically, but something was off.

"Wh-What," Ian croaked, "what happened?"

Lucy's expression turned grim, scaring him. She gave him and Alakazam a quick explanation of the events they missed, from Violet being found by Truman and Taboden, to the masked men taking her away. She then told them that she was interrogated by the police and that they would interrogate them too once they realized they have woken up.

"Matt," Ian gaped, "is...dead?"

"Yes," Lucy confirmed, "and Violet killed him."

Ian shook his head, causing her to frown."That's...that's not possible."

"I saw it myself."

"B-But...she c-can't...no," Ian shook his head again. "Something doesn't seem...right."

"I know it's hard to believe," Lucy told him, "I wouldn't have believed it either, but it happened right in front of me. She's been manipulating us this whole time! Everyone who has been involved with her has been killed! Lucario and the other temple pokémon, Matt, and almost the three of us. She almost succeeded with you two; look where you are now!"

Ian shook. His body ached, and his head spun. Too much was happening and he could barely keep up.

"You," Lucy stepped back, "you don't believe me."

"I..." Ian staggered, "I…"

Lucy's fists clenched. Something ignited inside her, and Ian and Alakazam could see it in her eyes. What they saw scared them.

"Fine," Lucy turned around, "I'll handle this myself."

"Want another fry?"

"Sure."

"I'll just place them here so we can both share it," Matt placed the fries into the cupholder behind his car's gearshift. They were seasoned fries from his favorite drive-through restaurant. From the way Lucy was eagerly eating some from the passenger seat, they were going to be hers too.

"This is really good," Lucy commented before taking another bite of her veggie burger. "What's the place called again?"

"Munchies," Matt answered. He gave her a proud smirk before biting into his cheeseburger. "I always go there before coming here."

"I can see why," Lucy turned to the sight before them. "This place is beautiful."

Matt's used blue car was parked on top of the hill overlooking the town of Pallet. The town was small, but filled with beautiful lighting that twinkled like stars. The sun had set by the time Matt and Lucy arrived, so they were allowed to witness the majestic view.

"I used to take Ian here to hang out," Matt confessed. "There was actually a time when he used to open up to me, you know. Way back when I rescued him from some punks holding his homework over his head in middle school. Then high school came and...well, at least he's not getting bullied anymore."

Lucy frowned. The mention of her boyfriend gave her a sinking feeling in her stomach. She was then reminded that the only reason she was where she was now was because he didn't find her worth spending time with.

"How did you get to be his girlfriend in the first place?" Matt then asked bluntly. "How did you get a guy as antisocial and uptight as Ian to ask you out?"

"I...don't know," Lucy shrugged. "I met him in Freshman year at our math class. We sat next to each other so we talked a lot. Then he asked me to hang out with him after school and...I kept saying yes."

"Why?" Matt swallowed another fry. "What did you see in him?"

"He's...nice," Lucy tiltled her head. "Smart too."

"That's it?"

Lucy furrowed her eyebrows. "How about you?" she demanded. "What did
you see in him?"

"I felt a little sorry for him," Matt admitted, "but he also wasn't that bad to hang out with. He wasn't the most exciting person in the world but he also wasn't that boring."

"Oh."

"But look at him now," Matt sighed and leaned back against his seat, "a stranger."

Lucy's frowned deepened as the couple stared at the town below. The lights sparkled. Much activity was happening between them, but the teenagers were too far to see it.

"Do you know what I like about this place?" Matt asked.

"What?"

"It puts things in perspective," Matt answered. "Yes, I have a lot of problems, but so do the people in this town, other towns and cities, countries, and, if there is life somewhere up above there, planets."

Lucy blinked and looked at the town again.

"I used to be so mad at Ian," Matt continued, "so mad that after everything I've done to be there for him, he would abandon me without a word. Then I was mad at myself because maybe there was something that I've done that angered him—angered him so much he never wanted to speak to me again. But after looking at this town from here, I realized that maybe something bigger was happening. I know what my problems are, but I don't know his; and I don't know the problems of the people he's involved with that is causing him to stay away from me. I don't know. I just thought that, maybe...it wasn't either of our fault. The world was just too hard on us and we just couldn't do it."

Lucy leaned back, listening to his every word.

"All I could do at that point was wish him the best, maybe reunite with him when things get better," Matt went on. "I thought they were when he started dating you. We even started hanging out again after a while but," he scratched his head and sighed. "I thought then that he wanted to focus on you this time, but seeing you alone earlier...stood me corrected."

Lucy bit her lip. She blinked several times to keep tears from leaking to her cheeks.

"I don't know what's happening to Ian and I want so desperately to figure it out so I can help him," Matt told her. "But I've learned the hard way that you can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved. If they fall into a hole and they don't want to get out, holding on to them will only drag you down with them. I might be all that Ian has, but if I start going down the same road he's going, who will I have to save me from myself? I don't have anyone in this world. I'll disappear among everyone else who had no one to be there for them."

"If that's the case," Lucy pointed out with a weighted heart, "why do you still hang out with him? Why not hang out with other people?"

"Well as I've said before, he keeps bailing on me," Matt answered. He gave her a bitter smile and added, "And to be honest, I think I still call myself his best friend to lie for the both of us. That way, Ian still has a friend and I haven't lost mine."

"But you can have more friends, right?" Lucy asked. "Why don't you hang out with more people?"

Matt's expression turned sour, and he locked his eyes with the windshield. Lucy inched back. Had she offended him?

"Let's...just say," Matt grimaced, "I'm having trouble...trusting other people right now…"

Lucy bit her lip.

"I only confided to you because you're a stranger and we both been screwed by the same guy," Matt added. "We got each other's backs now but after tonight, this," he paused to wave the air between them, "isn't happening again."

Lucy gasped. "Wait," she said, "if I had said something that had offended you, I'm sorr—"

"It's not you," Matt sighed. "It's just...you're Ian's girlfriend and...things are just complicated right now, okay?"

Lucy widened her eyes. Tears brimmed at the edge of her eyes. Matt turned to her, a more solemn expression on his face, and softened when he saw her glossy eyes. "I'm sorry," he said. "I really do like hanging out with you, you know. It's just that...what are the chances that you and I won't end up like me and Ian? It will only result in pain...for the both of us."

"But," Lucy leaned forward, placing a hand down for emphasis, "if you abandon me now, you'll be doing the same thing Ian is doing to us."

Matt widened his eyes.

"He's going through problems, you're going through problems, I'm going through problems...I'm tired of people abandoning each other just because of them!" Lucy cried. "We need to stick with each other for once. If we do, maybe our problems...wouldn't be that hard to deal with. We can fight them..together!"

Matt's expression softened. He leaned his head against the driver's seat and sighed. "You're right."

"Promise me right now that we'll stick together no matter what," Lucy demanded. "If one of us is going through something, no matter what, they don't abandon the others. We'll fight together and...we'll get through this together!"

Lucy's chest was heaving as she waited for his answer. Matt's eyes were still at the windshield, staring at the town below. Then, to her surprise, he turned back and gave her a warm smile.

"Okay," he said. "I promise."


~.~

When Aaron landed on the ship's roof, he planted his feet on the metal so the turbulence wouldn't knock him off. Other people would've needed extra support, but Aaron wasn't like other people. Once he spotted the part of the ship he wanted to go to, he ran to it like he was walking on plain ground.

He felt Elena watching him, which made him run even faster. He was sure the ship's radar had already detected his presence. If he were to dive into the interior, he was sure there would be massive forces awaiting him. That was what Elena was worrying about. She knew the soldiers inside already knew he was on their ship. She knew they would show him no mercy if he ever made it inside. She knew he was in the enemy's nonexistent mercy.

That was why Aaron had to prove her wrong.

Aaron rubbed his hands together until he felt energy gathering at his palms. He told her he had been training, and it was time to show her what he was capable of.

He raised his hands and slammed them on the ship's metal walls. The metal creaked and groaned beneath him until finally collapsing on the soldiers below. Aaron could hear the cries of people and pokémon amplify before cutting to silence. It was his cue to enter, so he slipped into the ship.

His boots hit metal when he landed on the ground. He saw debris and corpses around him, but it was the living soldiers heading his way that caught his attention. They didn't bring pokémon this time. Just guns.

"Stand down!" one of the soldiers commanded. Adrenaline pulsed through Aaron's veins. There were too many soldiers to count, and they had guns pointed right at him. "Stand down!"

Aaron raised his hands. "I'm not doing anything."

"Get on the ground!"

"But it's dirty."

"Get on the ground or we'll shoot!" The same man ordered.

Aaron's eyes flashed. "Go ahead."

A barrage of bullets immediately came his way, but none of them touched him. They gathered at the front of his person, creating a thick cloud. Aaron flicked his wrists. The floor was covered with corpses.

Aaron smirked and walked forward. The cloud of bullets moved with him, gathering more ammunition before sending them back. This is too easy, he thought. The enemy thought they had the upper hand. They also probably thought they could corner him. He came alone too, which was contradictory to the previous encounters they had with him and his team. But Aaron didn't come back as the same man they faced before. His abilities developed far more than they ever could imagine. That end of the ship was a death trap for them. Instead of ambushing him there, they were thinned out there.

It wasn't long until Aaron reached the center of the aircraft. Placed in the middle like a vast aquarium was a see-through chamber. Laying inside it was a little black-haired girl in boys' clothing. Her eyes were closed, telling him she was unconscious. He thought her outfit odd but cast it aside. He searched left and right around the cell until he found the control box.

"Elena," Aaron called out to his ear-piece, "guess who?"

His ear-piece let out a sharp gasp.

"Aaron?" Elena responded on the other end. "Oh thank Arceus, you're alive!"

"Of course, I'm alive," Aaron scoffed, "what did you expect?"

"I heard gunshots, Aaron," Elena grumbled. "What happened to the soldiers?"

"Dead," Aaron answered. "I think the ship was put on auto-pilot because there's nobody else to drive it. I'm the only one breathing in this ship right now. Me, and hopefully this little girl over here."

"You found her?"

"C'mon, Elena," Aaron rolled his eyes, "how many more missions do I have to succeed until you stop doubting me?"

He heard Elena scoff.

"Just get the girl and get back to the ship, alright?" Elena told him. "You want me to come down there?"

"I'm fine," Aaron insisted. "Just keep the helicopter hovering above the ship. You can go ahead and fly it right at the center; I'm the only one that's going to attack you."

He heard Elena scoff again and chuckled.

"Alright, I'll tell Chris."

Aaron huffed in satisfaction and turned back to the control box. The mechanisms were a bit different from the previous ones he dealt with, a little trickier too. It made him wonder if the girl was different from the other subjects their enemy had taken. Or maybe Absterge finally realized he and his team were not to be messed with and decided to up their game.

With that thought, Aaron immediately got to work. It took a considerable amount of time to get through certain kinks, but within minutes, the see-through chamber was opened.

"Hey!" Aaron called out to the unconscious girl. "Hey, the door is open; you can come out now!"

The girl didn't respond at first. But then she opened her eyes, revealing purple irises.

"Help me," she croaked. "Please."

Aaron hesitated. The chamber, like the ones he unlocked before, was built to prevent people like him from using their abilities. Once he entered, his powers would be disabled. Then he would be no more powerful than the gun-wielding humans he killed with the powers they didn't have.

But the girl's eyes pleaded with him, and for some reason, he was lured in.

"Okay," Aaron took a step inside. "I'm coming, okay? Don't move."

He took two to three more steps until he was steadily walking toward her. He let out a sigh of relief. He couldn't wait to tell Elena and the rest of the crew that their great leader, Aaron Stone, had walked into the chamber of doom and lived—heroically saving a frightened girl, no less. Elena would no doubt give him the scolding of his life, but Aaron didn't care. He loved Elena, he really did, but she had to stop being afraid. That was, after all, all she did her entire life. If she wasn't afraid of their enemies, she was afraid of herself. Her fear might had been justified, considering the damage her abilities could manifest, but it kept her from living in peace. The fear was like a curse to her, a curse not even her sister could break.

But Elena wasn't the only one being tormented by her fears. Imagine wanting to protect someone you love, and standing no chance against what was hurting her the most. That was the curse Aaron had to deal with. He thought his love for Elena would defeat her fear, but it only made it stronger. The only thing scarier than hurting someone with your strength was losing someone because of it; so if Elena loved him, and she really, really did, she had a big reason to be afraid. Aaron was all she had left. If he lost her too...Aaron didn't want to think about it. But Elena thought about it every day, and that was why she was so afraid.

Not anymore, Elena, Aaron knelt down to the purple-eyed girl in front of him. Aaron had trained many months to hone the abilities he used today. Death came to him in the form of bullets, and he controlled it like he was death itself. There was absolutely nothing Elena could be afraid of then, and their curses could finally b—

The chamber door closed. Aaron gasped and ran to what was supposed to be his exit. He ran his hands through the door, but there were no handles or edges to grip. The door was basically a wall now, and it trapped him into a chamber that made him powerless.

"Elena!" Aaron cried. "Elena, the door ha—"

The sound of static interrupted him.

"Elena!"

Aaron called out her name a few more times as tremors racked through his body. Aaron took a step back, and then another, gaping at the closed door with wide eyes.

"Oh, Groudon! I didn't expect to see you so soon."

Aaron froze.

"You haven't changed at all."

Aaron turned around. The unconscious girl was wide awake now, standing at the spot she was just found unconscious. Aaron took a shaky step forward.

"What did you call me?"

"Oh that's right, you don't have your memories again," the girl crossed her arms. "You can't blame me for forgetting, you know. Your looks may change, but nothing much else does."

"What," Aaron took another step forward, "what are you talking about? Are you saying we've met before?"

"Oh yes, many times," the girl eyed him tauntingly. "But we seem to be meeting sooner and sooner every time. Let's see if it will end sooner this time too."

Aaron paled. "What are y—"

"I'll give you a brief history since you're an old friend," the girl smirked. "Once upon a time, you and I had the same goal. We both thought we could accomplish it because we were more powerful than everyone else; but in the end, it turns out..."

The airship jerked, making Aaron fall back.

"Only one of us is right."

Aaron gasped as several holes started to form on the floors surrounding the chamber. He could see the rain through them, as well as the deep blue ocean.

"A fitting end, don't you think?" the girl suggested. Aaron growled and lunged, but the girl, to his surprise, materialized through the roof with ease and disappeared.

Aaron yelped when the airship plummeted to the water. He fell to the ground when it landed, and then immediately rose to his feet when his face touched water. He widened his eyes as ocean water emerged into his vision and quickly ascended to his chest.

~.~

Jin sighed and stuffed his hands into his pockets. He looked left and right of the flower field, but the princess had yet to be seen. They had agreed to meet that following day at that same time, so why had she not arrived? Didn't she just boast how polite her parents raised her just the day before? Did her parents forget to teach her how rude it was to be tardy?

Jin groaned and looked at the sky. The sun continued to use his dark outfit to bake him, and he was more than a little displeased. Sweat was trickling down his face and the back of his neck. He shuffled in discomfort, which then allowed the rest of his body to moisten underneath his clothes.

Jin groaned again. If he didn't have to study the inconsiderate princess so badly, he would've left the first five minutes she turned out to be absent. But he had to stay, so he stayed the extra twenty-five minutes. The princess would've officially been late for a half hour. If she didn't show up in the next five seconds, Jin growled to himself, he was going to hunt her down.

Fortunately for him, the princess eventually appeared. Her white gown was replaced with a green one, camouflaging her with the grass. Beads and little gems adorned parts of her dress, camouflaging her with the flowers. Jin raised an eyebrow. Did the princess make him wait thirty minutes in the heat to emulate their location?

"Princess," Jin acknowledged, making an effort not to groan, "what took you so long?"

"My apologies," Armeus said. She gave him a smile as she approached him. "I had to take care of a few things."

"Do those things involve making sure you blend with the background?" Jin asked. "Because if it is, it wasn't worth waiting for."

"At least I dressed appropriately," Armeus stopped in front of him. "Unlike someone here who clearly doesn't know how dark clothing works in a sunny day."

"I know how dark clothing works," Jin almost seethed, "I know
very well."

"I bet," Armeus smirked, "your face is practically glistening in sweat."

Jin grunted and wiped his face. He wanted to do something else too but restrained himself.

"Let's go somewhere cooler, princess," he suggested. "Perhaps in the shade of the forest."

"That does sound tempting," Armeus nodded, "but I decline."

Jin narrowed his eyes. "Why?"

"Because in the flower field..."

Jin froze. Something metallic touched the right side of his neck. Something sharp.

"I have the advantage," Armeus finished, digging the sword deeper into his skin.

Jin raised an eyebrow. "What are you doing, princess?"

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Armeus demanded. "Do you think I'm going to allow a stranger of my father's land to stay and not ask questions?"

"If you wanted to know my intentions, princess," Jin leaned away, "you could've just asked."

"No," Armeus shook her head, following his movements with her sword. "You're different. You wouldn't give me a proper answer."

"What makes you say that?"

"I can't explain it," Armeus admitted, "but you came here too...easily. My father has strict security around our kingdom's borders, yet you arrived undetected."

"Does your father know I'm here?" Jin asked.

"No," Armeus shook her head, "I can take care of you."

Jin tilted his head. "Can you, now?"

"I don't know why you came to me, but your reasons can't be good," Armeus went on. "Yet you came here unarmed and completely conspicuous. Either you're not very bright, or you don't think I can handle you."

"I assure you, princess," Jin grinned, "I mean no harm."

"Liar."

"It's true."

"Then why are you here?" Armeus marched to him. "What do you want from me?"

Her face was only inches from his. Jin would've flinched, but the edge of her blade was still deep into his skin. He decided to keep still, drowning into her violet gaze. He suddenly could not move, could not breathe.

"Your attention."

Armeus froze.

"You are beautiful, princess," Jin continued, "and the most beloved figure in all the land. Could you blame a man for wanting to meet you himself?"

"Th-That," Armeus stepped back, "that can't be true."

"Why else did I wait this long in the hot sun for you?" Jin asked. "If it was the only way to see you again, I would have waited even longer."

The sword on his neck started to quiver.

"Give me a chance, princess," Jin pleaded. "It must be lonely spending time with just pokémon. Allow me take that loneliness away from you and replace it with something...more."

The sword became steady again, freezing him in place.

"You're lying," Armeus insisted. "You're lying, I just know it!"

"Oh, princess," Jin sighed, leaning against the metal, "have you not been romanced before?"

The sword started shaking again. This time, however, it shook completely out of Jin's shoulder and returned limply to the princess's side.

"No," Armeus answered.

Jin was immediately in front of her, taking her head between his hands. "Then allow me to show you," he said.

The sword fell to ground, landing on the grass with a "poof."


~.~

Ian laid against the mattress propped up to help him sit up and tried to remember the events that had led him to his situation. Violet was in her room—locked in her room—and he was trying to get inside. He must've broken his arm when he tackled the door—which explained the cast wrapped around his right appendage—and he passed out.

Then he woke up in a hospital where Alakazam ran in and squeezed him like her life depended on it. Lucy was also there but she seemed...different. Ian was sure she was no physically different than she was the last time he saw her (he tried not to remember their bitter last encounter), but something about her did seem off. Alakazam, who was currently sitting on a chair beside his bed and gripping his hand worriedly, was hostile to Lucy all of the sudden.

And then Lucy told them that Violet killed Matt.

Ian's head was spinning, but he was sure no medication could alleviate it. Too many things were happening too quickly. Too many things were changing too quickly. He didn't know what to process and how. He wanted to throw up.

Ian gasped when the door clicked open. He and Alakazam turned around to see Denerro walking into the room. The older man approached them with a flat frown and a narrow stare. Ian was caught-off guard at how serious he looked. He was expecting a more sympathetic gaze that many others had given him. But Denerro looked like he was holding something back, hidden information that would soon be revealed. But what, Ian asked himself. What was so important that his boss had to show up in his hospital room?

"M-Mr. Denerr—"

"You know, Ian," Denerro interrupted, "I had always liked you. I dare say you were one of my favorite scientists."

Ian's shoulders stiffened as the man stopped at the foot of his bed.

"You were hardworking, smart, and most importantly," Denerro narrowed his eyes, "trustworthy."

Ian's entire body went rigid. Alakazam became alert.

"I would ask you what had happened to you, what had happened in the lab that would cause you to be hospitalized, but I know you won't tell me the truth. After all…"

Ian and Alakazam flinched when a fist hit the bed's railing.

"You've been lying to me the whole time," Denerro snarled.

Ian inched back. "Wh-What are yo—"

"I know who you are, Ian," Denerro stated. "I know who you really are. You think that changing your name would hide your true identity, but you have the actions of a liar and a traitor! Just like your father."

Ian's blood went cold. "What," he shook, "what do you know about my father?"

"Richard Oak wasn't an ordinary man," Denerro started. Ian and Alakazam froze, trembling as they unconsciously leaned toward each other. "He was a great scientist—magnificent, just like you. He was loyal to me for so many years I wanted to promote him as my right-hand man." He gripped the railing and hissed. "But then I learned what he was really after, why his loyalty was stronger than any man's I've known. He was an undercover spy for Revelation. I'm sure you've heard of them."

Ian stiffly shook his head. "N-No. I haven't."

"Oh of course you haven't!" Denerro barked coldly. "How could you have heard of such an organization? They were the ones that took you away, after all!"

Ian gasped when Alakazam screamed in pain. The psychic's head landed on his lap, unconscious. When Ian looked back up at Denerro, the man was pocketing a taser and revealing another weapon.

A gun.

"Wh-What," Ian held Alakazam and inched back, "What are you doing?"

"Something I should've done a long time ago."

The gun clicked.

"Kill you."

Denerro screamed when a streak of energy engulfed his body in electricity. He fell forward, hitting his head on the rail in the process, and fell to the ground. Ian immediately searched the room to see which pokémon had saved him, but what he saw wasn't a pokémon. It was a human.

Said human pulled his hand back to his chest, little strings of electricity tickling his fingers. The stranger was a man in a doctor's coat and didn't look much different from the doctors Ian had seen. But Ian knew he wasn't a doctor. Now that he thought about it, he might not be human either.

"More reinforcements are coming in," the stranger declared in a deep voice, "we have to go now."

Ian didn't say anything. He only sat still—confused and afraid.

The stranger neared him and turned to Alakazam. "Was she stunned?"

Ian managed to nod.

The stranger raised his hand and sent Alakazam a quick ball of spark. Ian widened his eyes and was about to protest, but Alakazam suddenly rose from his lap and stood straight and erect. When she saw the stranger, her expression became more even alarmed.

"I need you to carry your friend," the stranger requested. When Alakazam remained frozen, he grunted and added, "Quickly, or we'll be killed!"

This got Ian off the bed and beside Alakazam, who was manipulating his body with Confusion. Both he and Alakazam looked at the stranger with an apprehensive gaze, but the man gave no chance to do anything else. He cocked his head to the door, opened the exit, and pointed, "Go!"

Reluctantly and shakily, the duo followed him out.

~.~

Violet saw nothing, heard nothing, and felt nothing. She would've thought she was dead but dismissed it. Dead people don't feel numb. They don't feel anything at all. Then again, she herself didn't really feel anything. Maybe she was dead.

Something, more like someone, suddenly called out to her. She could tell it was a man's voice, maybe a little older than Ian, but couldn't understand what he was saying. She waited for the person to come closer. His voice was getting louder, so that must've meant the speaker was coming closer, right?

Violet then felt a presence beside her. She heard a gasp and then suddenly felt naked.

"No. No!"

Violet froze when she felt a thumb trace her cheekbone.

"It can't be...she found you?"

Violet would've blinked if she still had eyelids. Was the man talking about the figure that took her eyes?

"No..."

The speaker started to croak, repeating more "no"s as Violet felt him look her over. Violet recognized the tone the speaker was using; she used it herself not too long ago. She didn't know what it was called, but if she did, she would know it was despair.

"But you're just a kid," he whispered. "You're just a kid."

Violet froze. Two arms suddenly pulled her body in, squeezing her against a broad chest.

"It's happening too soon. I can't believe she found you already—you're just a kid."

Violet still felt numb, but knew that under any other circumstances, she should have been alarmed and frightened. Then she started to feel less numb, and more of the last thing she expected to feel.

Relief.

Without thinking, Violet pulled the fabric of whatever the speaker was wearing and pulled the speaker closer. The speaker responded by pulling her closer to him. The two floated like that for a while, each feeling different things. Violet was feeling relief and confusion. Then, dampness on the top of her head. Liquid trickled down from her hair, down across her forehead, and right between her eye holes. One then fell into a gap, making her feel like she was crying even though she wasn't. Then she suddenly did feel like crying.

"Wh-Who," Violet stammered, "who are you?"

The speaker was squeezing her now.

"I'm your husband."
 
Last edited:

ChewieJ

Pokémon Writer
Update About the Poll!

I've just been informed by a moderator yesterday that I can't start another poll in the thread, so I started one in my Fanfiction.net profile. If you would like vote, click here. The poll should be at the top of my bio.

The poll will be up until the end of July so people can read or reread the chapters that have been published so far and properly deduce an answer. If I get enough support to continue the story, I will happily do so. If I get enough "No"s or no response at all, the story will be automatically discontinued.

Thank you for your time and I hope to hear your input soon!
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
He tilted his head. When his father asked him to spy on their enemy, he expected to find someone more threatening. What he found instead was a woman frolicking with tiny, non-threatening pokémon. The maiden herself wasn't even hideous or intimidating. She was actually quite beautiful.

This is a disconcerting start. I feel like I just know something rather bad is coming.

He watched her laugh and run in a field of flowers. The woman wore a long white gown that surprisingly didn't trip her and a golden tiara that glinted brightly in the sunlight. The grass danced animatedly beneath her feet as the wind howled ardently. The flowers, the ones that had yet to be trampled, swayed with her every move. She didn't seem aware of the damage she was causing to the green life; she was too preoccupied with her playmates, who were bouncing and cheering at her every step.

He leaned against one of the many trees not far from the flower field. He hid in the tree's shadow so he would remain hidden. His entire being stuck out in bright, colorful settings, and he was aware of it. His attire was completely black, and his hair and eyes were also black. The only feature he had that wasn't so dark was his skin, which was pale and almost gray. That made sense to him, considering there was no sun in his kingdom.

I feel like this is a very strong expansion of the world waiting to happen? Clearly this is building to something. The kingdoms have to be a thing that are going to be important. Also clearly, I think it's very easy to tell he isn't human, by the eyes at least. I wonder what he is.

The man crossed his arms and pondered what to do. He was tasked to gather information, and there was only so much he could learn from hiding in the distance. He could only conclude that the woman liked to play games, and he was very sure his father wanted more than that.

I don't think this is going to end with just information.

So he stepped out of the shadows. His outfit immediately absorbed the heat of the sunlight, but he forced himself to ignore it. He had to focus on the woman he was approaching, who had then noticed his presence and turned around. She stared at him with wide eyes. The man watched her long eyelashes sweep up and down.

Nice detail regarding his outfit and the sunlight.

I think you might have wanted to say "her long lashes" to avoid repetition of "eye" in those last two sentences though.

"Hello..." the woman greeted slowly. "Who are you?"

"Just a stranger," he answered, stepping over a stone. "I'm assuming you're the princess?"

"I am," the woman crossed her arms. "What is your name?"

"You can call me..."

The stranger looked up briefly to think, then turned back when he stopped in front of her.

"Jin."

The woman relaxed at the answer. She then extended her hand, surprising him.

"Hello, Jin," she formally greeted, "my name is Armeus."

It seems that maybe for a princess it was a bit too easy for him to approach her. Maybe it would have been better if there was a mention of either security or his skills in evading them.

I like the kind of ethereal image she has, though. It fits with a lot of what I expected of her.

"I know," Jin shook her hand. "You are the princess."

I'm a little torn on this one. On one hand, shaking the hand of a princess when you seemingly respect them seems a little rude, but maybe he did it because he doesn't actually respect her as much as I think and this is a hint of it?

"My parents..." Armeus slowly took her hand back, "raised me to be polite. It is polite to introduce one's name when meeting someone for the first time."

"What if that someone wants to hurt you?" Jin pointed out. "Still think it's smart to tell them your name?"

He expected her to be offended. After all, she was of royal descent. Speaking to her so bluntly was considered rude and inappropriate. He wouldn't be surprised if she threw a fit and demanded her father to arrest him.

Or maybe he does really respect her. Interesting...

But to his surprise, the princess did no such thing. She smirked instead, causing him to raise an eyebrow.

"Not everyone you meet will hurt you," she then told him, "but if they were to try, we could only hope they do it politely."

I like her.

Jin let out a loud laugh, surprising her. His cackling seemed to amuse her because she started to laugh as well. He took that opportunity to steal glances between bouts. Armeus had a long face, he noted, and a slightly rounded chin. Her long straight hair was almost as dark as his but had a gray shade that glistened almost white in the sunlight. She had unbelievably long eyelashes and rosy cheeks, but what fascinated him the most were her eyes. They were stunning orbs of violet.

I go back to that word I used earlier, ethereal, because that's exactly the kind of feeling I get from her design. She feels like something from another world, and I'm pretty sure that's exactly what you want.

And the note about her eyes... well, that's an obvious hint.

His observations were then interrupted by the cries of pokémon. A seedot was leaping at his feet, glaring at him. Jin immediately returned the glare.

"Please settle down," the princess hushed, but the pokémon continued. Another one, a chikorita, bit the princess's dress and tried to pull her away.

"Perhaps they want to keep playing with you," Jin stepped back. "I should leave."

"No, wait," Armeus whipped her head to him. "Why don't...you join us?"

Jin frowned. "Join you?"

"Why not?"

"I don't..." Jin grimaced, "[/I]frolic..."


This is such a cute scene, for both the two humans (or whatever they are, you get what I mean) and the Pokemon.

The italic "frolic" is coded in reverse. The backslashed I has to be the second tag.

"Are you sure?" Armeus tilted her head. "It's very fun."

"To
you, maybe," Jin remarked. Then he paused and looked down. "Maybe..." he then said, "maybe next time."


Yeah, the italics are all coded in reverse. Unfortunately, I don't think this is something that can be easily fixed with a mass replace.

Armeus blinked. "You're coming back?"

"Sure," Jin looked back up, "unless, you don't want me to."

The princess scoffed. "Don't be silly," she waved off. "Everyone is welcome in my father's kingdom."

Not
everyone, Jin mentally remarked but kept the comment to himself. He only gave the princess a smile before taking another step back. "Will you be here again tomorrow?"


That "everyone is welcome" thing is going to be an opening for something bad to happen for the kingdom, I'm sure of it.

I also wonder if Jin's comment reflects on a possible motive relating to someone or some group that is not welcome?

"Of course," Armeus replied. She then looked down at the pokémon, who were protesting even louder. "Maybe I should leave the pokémon behind. They don't seem to like strangers."

The pokémon were practically screaming at this point, but the princess paid them no heed. This greatly pleased the visitor.

An obvious warning. She's making a mistake.

"Very well, princess," Jin nodded. "Same time?"

"Yes," Armeus confirmed. "Same time."

Jin gave her a two-fingered salute before heading back to the forest. His bangs slipped in front of his eyes as a smirk stretched across his face.

Maybe he isn't as good as I wanted him to be after all... and since I was hoping he'd be good, that means I got invested in him quickly, which means you did it right.


Lucy turned to her left, and then to her right. After Bert dropped her off at the hospital, she immediately requested for her mother's room number. The nurses said Agatha was fine but had yet to wake up.

She nodded politely as she passed a number of staff and patients. She never removed her lab coat, so she looked like just another doctor. No one could've suspected the horrors she had been through, what she had seen, nor would they have been able to guess. Her face was unreadable.

That says a lot in not too many words. Each one is very effective. I feel like Lucy might be trying to bury herself in a "character" to dull her pain right now, if that makes sense.

Lucy stopped in front of a white door and opened it. Inside the room was her mother laying on a hospital bed. Agatha had an IV connected to her arm, but her chest rose and fell steadily, indicating she was okay.

Would it be laying or lying here?

Lucy approached the wooden chair next to her bed and sat on it. She then took her mother's hand and squeezed it between her fingers. She was silent for a few moments, watching her mother sleep, until the older woman started to awake. Agatha's eyelids rose and fell sporadically as she adjusted to the light.

I think "awaken" is the better word to use here.

This is a very interesting scene because I feel two conflicting things about it. It is very peaceful, but the reason why this scene is happening is decidedly not.

"L...Lucy?" she called out. Her vision was hazy. She had to blink a few times until the peach ceiling came to her vision. She then turned to her daughter, who was staring at her intently.

"Hey, Mom," Lucy responded, giving her a half-hearted smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Alright," Agatha answered. Lucy watched her eyes widen and look at her with alarm. "Are you alright?" she questioned. "And Matt! Where's Matt?"

Lucy frowned. Her grip on Agatha's hand loosened.

"Dead."

Agatha gasped. "Wh-what, what h-happened?"

"Violet killed him," Lucy replied. "But she's gone now. The masked people took her away."

I almost asked for more elaboration on Lucy's tone of voice here, but then I realized the lack of such is actually saying it. The cold, direct way she's talking is putting it right in my head, and it's chilling.

Agatha trembled, taking Lucy's hand with both of hers.

"H-Honey," she croaked. "I-I'm...I'm so sorry!"

She pulled her daughter into her arms. Lucy encircled her arms around her, returning her embrace.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart!" Agatha cried. "If I had known that little girl was evil, I never should've—"

"It's okay, Mom," Lucy assured. "No one knew what she really was. Not even me."

The level of emotion here is quite honestly terrifying. I can't wait to see Violet again to see where her side of this goes.

"And the masked people," Agatha gasped. "Did they hurt you?"

Lucy looked ahead. She remembered when the hooded man offered her a job. She still had the card he gave her tucked in her pocket, hidden from sight.

"No," Lucy answered, "no they didn't."

Agatha pulled away, tears streaming down her eyes. She traced a thumb across Lucy's cheek, noting the missing teardrops.

"We'll arrange the funeral right away," Agatha told her. "After that, I'm going to talk to every police officer in the station myself and tell them to hunt that girl down! She won't get away with this, Lucy. She won't get away with Matt's death!"

This just keeps escalating... I'm really eager to see where it goes.

Lucy squeezed her hand. "Of course, Mom," she said. "A couple of detectives are going to come in soon and ask you a few questions. Could you do me a favor and tell me what you're going to tell them?"

"Of course!" Agatha replied. She looked up to the ceiling as memories of the events resurfaced in her mind. "I was in the kitchen washing the dishes when three masked people came into the kitchen. Two of them only wore black spandex and a belt and the third wore a black hood and cloak. I was about to scream, but the hooded man told me not to or else he would hurt you. So I stayed quiet as he left through the back door.

A few minutes later, I was being dragged out of the living room where I saw you and Violet. I saw two other masked men on the ground and two angry pokémon around them and became scared. I thought they were going to kill you, so I told you to listen to them so they wouldn't! Fortunately, you did, but the men holding me knocked me out, and I didn't get to see anything else."

Lucy nodded, listening to every word. "Is that all you remember? Was that all you saw?"

"Y-Yes," Agatha nodded. She gripped Lucy's hand, and her eyes became frantic. "What happened after I was knocked out, Lucy? What did they do next?"

Lucy took back her hand.

"Nothing."

Agatha gasped. Stuck to her right arm was a syringe Lucy was injecting her with. Her eyes became glossy; her thoughts became hazy.

...?! What just happened? That just seriously threw me for a loop, what is Lucy even doing now?

Lucy pulled back the needle and re-capped it. She tucked the syringe back into her pocket just when two detectives entered the room.

"Hello, Mrs. Mills. Dr. Burns," one of them greeted.

"We'd like to ask you a few questions, Mrs. Mills," the other one continued. "We would like to start the interrogation as soon as possible. It's very important."

Lucy recognized the detectives immediately. They worked in Matt's squad. Derek and Regina were their names. She turned to her mother, whose eyes were becoming clearer to notice the detectives.

"What do you say, Mom?" Lucy asked. "Can they ask you questions now?"

Agatha blinked. "Questions? Questions about what?"

"The incident at the beach house..." Derek answered slowly.

"Incident? At the beach house?" Agatha gasped. "Why? What happened?"

"You...don't remember?" Regina asked.

"No," Agatha shook her head. "When did it happen?"

"Just this morning," Derek answered gravely. "Mrs. Mills, do you really not remember what happened at the beach house?"

Agatha looked down. She really tried to remember what they were talking about, but no memory of such was coming to mind. Lucy took her hand and stroked it with her thumb.

"She was probably a bit traumatized by the event, or maybe just tired," Lucy suggested. "Do you mind coming back later?"

Lucy, you are up to something and I don't know if I like it. I'm thoroughly rattled by it now.

Derek and Regina frowned, but when they looked at the old woman's hopeless stare, they realized it was fruitless to pursue the matter further.

"Alright then," Derek sighed and opened the door. "We'll speak to you at a better time, Mrs. Mills."

Agatha frowned. She wanted to apologize, but the detectives had already left the room. She looked down at her bedsheets, her eyes glossy. "Why can't I remember?" she whimpered.

"Maybe you just need rest," Lucy suggested. "Don't worry, Mom. I'll handle this."

"How?"

"I just will," Lucy told her. "I need you to trust me, okay?"

I don't trust you.

Agatha's frown remained, but she nodded. "Alright."

Lucy gave her a small smile and patted her hand. Agatha smiled back but then remembered something.

"Lucy..."

"Yes?"

"Matt is really dead," Agatha trembled, "isn't he?"

Lucy frowned. "Yes, yes, he is."

Lucy unconsciously looked down to her left hand, where her wedding ring was. She watched the jewelry glisten at the fluorescent lights above. Then she thought of her late husband again and remembered how the two met.

I am just torn on how I want to feel about her right now. That's a good thing.

Lucy looked down at her entwined fingers. People who passed the bench she was sitting on paid her no heed, making her feel a little bit less ridiculous. She was outside the school library waiting for Ian to finish studying once again. She couldn't call his phone since it was always on silent, and she couldn't go to him either because he didn't want to be disturbed. They had their share of arguments on the matter, but the results were always the same. Ian would choose his books, and Lucy would wait outside.

But that day wasn't any other day, however, so Lucy was more than disappointed that the outcome was still the same. She was wearing a white flowy dress that day with matching sandals. Because she went to her house to change, she was able to swap her backpack for an expensive silver hand purse. Her hair was curled to look like a reddish-orange sea, and her face was made up to bring out her green eyes and pink lips. She looked like a true lady, her mother had commented earlier. What Ian would say, Lucy could only imagine.

"Hi, there."

Lucy looked up. A tall boy around her age, sixteen or seventeen years old, was standing in front of her. He had short jet black hair and icy blue eyes. He wore a red long sleeve polo shirt, dark blue jeans, and black sneakers. His navy blue backpack almost fell from his left shoulder, but he quickly tugged it up.

"Lucy, right?" he asked.

"U-Umm...yeah," Lucy straightened her posture. "Do I know you?"

"Doubt it, but I know you," the boy grinned. "I'm Matt, Ian's best friend. I've seen your picture in Ian's lock screen."

Hmm... not really sure how I feel about this part. I'll have to keep going.

Matt," Lucy breathed out. "Ian has mentioned you a few times. I wonder why we've never met."

"Our nerdy man probably didn't think we had to," Matt shrugged. "After all, I haven't really seen you in person until now."


Oh now I think I get it, he's the bad boy type. Well I guess I already knew that, but in the setting of this flashback, it feels more clear.

"I," Lucy looked down, "I guess..."

"What are you doing here anyway?" Matt asked. "School ended an hour ago."

"I'm waiting for Ian," Lucy entwined her fingers. "I'm waiting for him to finish studying."

Matt furrowed his eyebrows. "He's studying? In the library?"

"Yup."

"How?" Matt stepped forward. "He went home early today."

Lucy froze. "He did?"

"Yeah, he said he wasn't feeling good," Matt told her. "Didn't he tell you?"

Lucy collapsed to the back of the bench. "No."

Well now that does make Ian look ... not as good as I viewed him before, I guess? But on the other hand, Matt could be lying. I'm not sure yet.

"That's messed up," Matt shook his head. "Why didn't you call or text him earlier?"

"His phone is always on silent," Lucy answered, "and he doesn't want to be disturbed, so I always wait for him out here."

"Oh man."

"And it's our anniversary today too."

If Matt isn't lying, then wow, Ian really let her down here. She did deserve better.

"Dude," Matt groaned, half slapping-half raking his scalp. "That is so messed up!"

Lucy's nails started digging into her skin. "Yeah," she croaked.

"I can understand Ian suddenly bailing on me without saying a word 'cause he's done it lots of times before, but his
girlfriend?"

Lucy didn't say anything. She kept her eyes on her painted fingernails, holding back tears. Matt noticed her actions and leaned forward.

"Hey," he called out, "
hey."
Lucy lifted her head, but refused to look at him.

"Why don't
I take you out?" Matt suggested.


Assuming that this is entirely what it appears, I am beginning to like Matt more now. I'm assuming you took what I said to heart and worked to make him a bit more sympathetic?

Lucy jumped. "But...But I—"

"Don't worry, it's not gonna be like
that," Matt rolled his eyes. "It's just gonna be two acquaintances having burgers and fries together. Maybe talk a little smack since we've been stood up by the same guy."

Despite her diminished mood, Lucy let out a big, amused laugh. His words were just what she needed to cheer up, and it felt good to have a guy make her feel good for once.

"Sure."

It's honestly kind of a shame that we didn't get to see him really act like this when he was alive. I think seeing him like this earlier would definitely have made me (at least) more understanding toward him.

The dining room would've been bright with afternoon sun, but because it was raining yet again, Denerro had no choice but to settle for the light of the chandeliers. The rain pattered loudly outside the windows, filling the room with an independent rhythm that played surprisingly well with the sonata resounding from the speakers.

This is certainly an interesting visual and aural image.

Denerro relaxed into his seat, tired from his recent errand. His son should be arriving any moment, for he called his chauffeur and demanded that they return. The maids were already setting down the food the chefs had prepared for them. All that was left was for him and his son to reunite and partake of their meals together.

I feel like this could be worded a bit better. Let me take a crack at it: "Tired from his recent errand, Denerro relaxed into his seat. He was expecting his son to arrive at any moment, having ordered his chauffeur to bring him back. The maids were already setting down the food the chefs had prepared for them, and all that was left was for father and son to enjoy them together."

When Denerro's phone started ringing, he grudgingly lifted it from the table. No one should be calling him that hour unless something had gone wrong; and with the previous tasks he had just partaken way too early in the morning, he really hoped nothing had turned for the worst. The consequences would be too severe, and he wasn't prepared to deal with what would happen if even one of them went awry. But to his surprise, Werner was calling him through the phone again. This surprised Denerro, for he was certain matters were stated very clear in their breakfast meeting. Maybe his boss wanted to congratulate him for a job well done, but it was highly unlikely. Werner wasn't one to give praise. Only the chance to live another day.

"When Denerro's phone started ringing, he grudgingly picked it up. He never received calls at that hour unless something had gone wrong; with his busy morning, he really hoped nothing had taken a turn for the worst. The consequences for such would be severe, and he wasn't prepared to deal with them. Denerro hoped that maybe Werner's unusual phone call was to congratulate him for a job well done, but even though he was certain matters were resolved in their breakfast meeting, he knew Werner wasn't one to give praise. Only the chance to live another day."

That said, I feel the fear that Denerro must be experiencing right now.

Denerro gulped and pressed his phone's reply button. He cleared his throat and shivered his thoughts away before greeting his superior with the clearest voice he could muster. "Hello, sir."

"Have you gotten rid of him?" Werner replied on the other line.

Well Werner sure does get right to the point.

Denerro blinked. He expected him to comment on the mission he had assigned to him, but instead, his straight-forward boss was bringing up another topic he had to gently ask clarification for.

The wording here is a little confusing due to too many uses of "him."

"Ian Quest," Werner stated. "Did you get rid of him?"

Denerro frowned. He had just discovered that the employee and his pokémon were just admitted to the hospital for mysterious reasons, and he wasn't anticipating the day his favorite worker heals from his injuries only to put down by the termination of his job. He still hadn't asked Werner why he would want Ian gone—not that he would ask. Still, what bothered him most was that he was speaking like he didn't know what just happened to the man he was trying to fire.

"Denerro frowned. He'd just discovered that Ian and his pokémon were admitted to the hospital for mysterious reasons, and he wasn't looking forward to having to fire his favorite employee after Ian recovered. He still hadn't asked why Werner actually wanted Ian gone - not that he would ask. Still, though, what bothered him most was that Werner was speaking as if he didn't know what had happened to the man he wanted fired."

"He is still unconscious at the hospital, sir," Denerro told him, "but don't worry, I would let him know of his termination as soon as he wakes up."

"I will let him know of his termination..."

A grunt was heard from the other line, instinctively causing Denerro to stiffen.

"Denerro," Werner called out gravely, "did you think I wanted you to fire Quest?"

Oh, snap. This just got much more serious.

Denerro's breath hitched. He had a guess as to what Werner was implying but needed to hear it from him. "Isn't...Isn't that what you wanted?"

"No," Werner answered. "I want you to get rid of him...for good."

Denerro gasped and leaped to the edge of his seat. His jaws hardened as his eyes practically popped out of his sockets. "S-Sir."

Popped out of their sockets.

"Don't tell me you're hesitating, Denerro," Werner questioned, "you're not about to disobey me, are you?"

"N-No, sir!" Denerro replied. He knew his voice was shaking then and struggled to regain his composure, " I just...didn't understand…"

"Then allow me to help you understand," Werner stated. "I didn't think you'd need to know this, but it seems you need a little push."

Werner's nature is really shining through here, I like it.

Denerro sat up. "Know what, sir?"

"Ian Quest isn't just any scientist that was once useful to us," Werner started, "he is the orphan child of Richard Oak."

Denerro froze, his body going rigid.

"That's right, Denerro," Werner confirmed. "The injured, vulnerable man on a hospital bed isn't Ian Quest. He is Samuel Oak."

This is delivered in a little too wordy a way, but wow, this just keeps feeling like it's escalating more and more. I'm getting more and more excited.
Clearly Ian's true identity is going to have a major impact on the story, but what I do wonder about is why he is going by another name. Memory loss?

Aaron gripped the edge of the doorframe. The helicopter's wings spun rapidly above him, throwing his brown locks into a frenzy. His honey-colored eyes stared intently at the airship below. He focused on the compartment at the center, where their target was.

I couldn't remember if Aaron was a character who appeared before, but I went back and CTRL+Fed his name and couldn't find it so I assume he is not.

Their enemy was smart this time. Instead of containing their prisoner at the far ends of their ship, they placed it right at the center where it was, no doubt, heavily-surrounded by guards. The airship was coated with a material that prevents heat sensors from going through, so if he were to attack the ship, he would be going in blind.

The tenses switch up a bit here. Instead of "prevents heat sensors from going through" it needs to be "prevented heat sensors from going through" to fit with the rest of the past tense.

Try to be mindful of that.

"I could go with you, you know."

Aaron smirked and turned to his speaker. She had almost white blonde hair tied in a long braid and brown eyes that glinted a hint of red. Just like him, she wore a full-body camouflage suit. She was a few inches shorter than him, so he had to look down.

"I told you, I'll be fine," he assured. "Besides, I've been training something for a while now, and this will be a good opportunity to test it out."

"But this isn't a training session, Aaron," the woman scolded. "This is real."

"Which is more of a reason I should go."

These two seem pretty interesting. I want to see more of them, and what party they're working for.

"Aaron..."

"I'll be fine, Elena," Aaron took her by the shoulders. "Don't be scared."

"I-I'm not s-scared!" the woman cried.

"Yes you are," Aaron said, "and that's why I need you to calm down right now. You know what happens when you're scared."

Elena's frown deepened. She gripped the front of Aaron's shirt and looked him in the eye. "I can't lose you too."

"You won't," Aaron tightened his grip. "Just have faith in me. I can do this."

Elena seemed hesitant but eventually released his shirt. Aaron pulled her head to him and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. "I'll be back," he then said.

Hm, I hope they develop further, because I'll be honest, their interaction feels a little... ordinary, I guess?... so far. I do think it has a unique spin on it via their being co-workers in what looks like some kind of secret operation organization so there's a lot of potential there.

Although I doubt you meant it as a reference, I had to get a smirk out of "I'll be back."

When he leaped from the helicopter, Elena held her breath until he landed on the ship's roof. Her fear escalated, as well as the icy feeling gathering on her fingers. But then she noted her lover's fleeting heat on her lips, and her fingers became warm.

"I'll be waiting."

That's an interesting description of what she feels...

Violet trembled. She was back on the weary rope bridge, but her surroundings were darker than before. She could no longer see the grassy realms in front and behind her. It seemed as if the only place that was illuminated by an unknown light was the place she was sitting at.

Oh, this again? I haven't reviewed in a while and this place still sits fresh in my memory. I know it means what's about to happen will probably be rather horrifying.

You might want to try to find a way to say the "unknown light" bit in a bit less wordy a way, but I'm not certain on how best to do that.

Tears streamed down her face as she pulled her knees to her chest. Memories of what she had done flashed in her mind. The darkness, her darkness, had killed people. But what haunted her the most was what she did to Matt. Matt, Lucy's husband, was dead. It didn't matter if he was hostile to her; he was everything to Lucy. And she took him away from her...forever.

The look on Lucy's face was terrifying. It no longer held the same warm, nurturing expression she quickly associated with comfort and safety. Lucy didn't look like herself anymore, but a stranger she was afraid of. And she was right to be afraid because Lucy had attacked her.

This, I think, might be one of the most emotionally powerful scenes in this story yet. I can feel every ounce of the heavy weight that's on her now, and I feel terrible for her.

"Good job, Violet."

Violet gasped. When she looked up, the mysterious figure was walking toward her.

That is the last person I wanted to see. Well, "person"...

"I had a plan, you know," the figure continued, "I was about to gain your trust, make you love me, and then completely pull the rug out of you so you can hate me with all of your heart. But then today happened, and I finally realized what I should've known a long time ago."

Violet flinched when the figure stopped in front of her. She would've been disturbed by its twisted words, but then its eyeholes were directly in front of her face. The darkness in them made Violet feel sick. So sick, she felt vile gathering in the back of her throat.

"pull the rug out from under you" and "felt bile gathering in the back of her throat."

With that aside, wow. I didn't just feel creeped out by this, I actually felt actively disgusted. Not just disgusted emotionally, disgusted physically. That's fantastic work of you to pull that off.

"The only person you can hate more than me, more than anyone, is yourself," the figure stated, "and that weakness...is exactly what I need."

Violet screeched when the fingers plunged into her eye sockets. She pulled back, but the movement caused her cry to turn into a blood-curling shriek.

The figure placed its hands over its eyeholes and leaned back. Eyelids replaced the gaps and then opened to reveal wide, violet eyes.

"Ah, yes," the figure moaned, blinking again and again. "It's been ages since I've had these."

What? Just... what? I'm still disgusted but I have no idea what's going on... it's just horrifying now. I can't even begin to fathom where this is actually going.

Violet gasped. Realization finally hit her as tremors shook her body. When the tips of her fingers waved air where her eyes used to be, she screamed.

"Oh don't worry; you'll get used to them," she heard the figure assure. "As a matter of fact, let me help you remember what it feels like to have nothing."

The ground disappeared below Violet's body, as well as the light that illuminated the setting. The only thing that could be deciphered from the increasing darkness was Violet's shriek.

Wherever this is going, I... I don't want to keep repeating myself, but I can't think of anything else but being fascinated and disgusted by what's going on here, and wanting to know more even though I know it will just cause Violet more pain. I still sympathize with her too so this is even more painful.

~.~

Lucy opened a door and entered. Ian was laying on the bed with his right arm was wrapped in bandages. His face contorted in pain. Sweat trickled down his face as his body trembled.

No need for the 'was' in "with his right arm wrapped in bandages."

I can only imagine what Lucy is thinking right now.

Lucy walked closer. She raised a hand over Ian's body and hovered it over his head.

"Alaka!"

Lucy froze. Alakazam ran into the room, staring at her with wide eyes. When she looked at her, Alakazam froze.

I have a hard time seeing Alakazam physically running. It's kind of a funny image.

"Alakazam," Lucy blinked, "you're alright."

Alakazam didn't reply.

"Thank goodness," Lucy turned to her, "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you guys too."

Alakazam gasped. "Alaka?"

"My husband's dead, Alakazam," Lucy told her. "Violet killed him."

Alakazam started shaking.

"It's true," Lucy insisted, "I saw it with my own eyes. But she's gone now; some men took her away."

I feel like I would like a bit more on how Lucy is speaking in this last line here. Something to tip the reader to how she's feeling - I imagine she's speaking coldly, probably in a detached way.

Alakazam immediately ran to Ian's side. She grabbed his shoulders and shook him, begging him to wake up.

"Alaka!"

"Alakazam, stop it!" Lucy tried to pull her away. "You'll hurt him!"

Honestly, while I do get the point of this scene, it's a little awkward to have Alakazam - a species with weak muscles and lacking in physical strength - doing something like this. You can keep this mostly intact but change the method of force to Alakazam using psychic powers instead.

Alakazam turned to her and hissed. Lucy stepped back. "What is with you?"

Then she froze. She remembered her husband's words. Violet could manipulate people. She had manipulated Alakazam.

"Alaka!" Alakazam rocked Ian. "ALAKA!"

Ian didn't stir.

"Alakazam!" Lucy yelled. Alakazam stopped and glared at her again. "I know what's gotten into you," Lucy continued, "and I can explain."

Alakazam's glare intensified.

"Violet has powers we don't understand," Lucy told her. "She's manipulating our emotions to control us. When a couple of men tried to take her away, she not only killed them but my husband too, the only one who could resist her power. She's the enemy, not me."

Something tells me Lucy is going to regret thinking this way.

Alakazam said nothing. She couldn't believe the doctor's words, but knew she wasn't lying. She knew something was going on, but Lucy's explanation wasn't the answer. She just knew it.

When Lucy sensed the psychic's doubt, she shook her head. Violet's influence was too deep in Alakazam; nothing would bring her back. Then again, wasn't she the first one who betrayed them when she released Violet and Lucario back to the temple?

I'm not certain if it was your intention, but I'm getting a strong sense of paranoia from Lucy now, and it works very well.

Lucy turned to Ian, who was still laying still on his bed. Ian was the first one to question Lucario and Violet's motives, and could be the last. She couldn't lose him then. He was all she had left.

"Ian," Lucy called out, gripping his wrist, "wake up. Please wake up. I need you."

Ian gasped. His body was about to rise from the bed, but pain immediately shot through his system, and he cursed out in pain.

You can just say he cursed loudly or something along those lines, it's already clear given that you mention pain shooting through his system that he's in pain.

"Ian!" Lucy grasped his hand. She didn't know how he suddenly woke up but didn't think much of it.

"Alaka!" Alakazam called out, shaking his weakened form.

"Arceus," Ian groaned, "where am I? Why does everything hurt?"

"You're in the hospital," Lucy told him. "But you're safe now. Nothing is ever going to hurt you."

Yeah, Lucy, you're losing it.

When Ian's eyes finally adjusted to the light, the first person he turned to was Lucy. He almost didn't recognize her. She looked the same as before, physically, but something was off.

"Wh-What," Ian croaked, "what happened?"

Lucy's expression turned grim, scaring him. She gave him and Alakazam a quick explanation of the events they missed, from Violet being found by Truman and Taboden, to the masked men taking her away. She then told them that she was interrogated by the police and that they would interrogate them too once they realized they have woken up.

"Matt," Ian gaped, "is...dead?"

Good choice in skipping the description of events we already know instead of stating them all again.

"Yes," Lucy confirmed, "and Violet killed him."

Ian shook his head, causing her to frown."That's...that's not possible."

"I saw it myself."

"B-But...she c-can't...no," Ian shook his head again. "Something doesn't seem...right."

"I know it's hard to believe," Lucy told him, "I wouldn't have believed it either, but it happened right in front of me. She's been manipulating us this whole time! Everyone who has been involved with her has been killed! Lucario and the other temple pokémon, Matt, and almost the three of us. She almost succeeded with you two; look where you are now!"

"She almost succeeded with you too!" seems to be what you're going for here.

I'm intrigued by Ian being more willing to give Violet the benefit of the doubt, but the more I think about it, the more it feels natural that it would be him.

Ian shook. His body ached, and his head spun. Too much was happening and he could barely keep up.

"You," Lucy stepped back, "you don't believe me."

"I..." Ian staggered, "I…"

Lucy's fists clenched. Something ignited inside her, and Ian and Alakazam could see it in her eyes. What they saw scared them.

"Fine," Lucy turned around, "I'll handle this myself."

I... I feel like they should be scared. I am.

"Want another fry?"

"Sure."

Wait, is this a flashback scene now? There was no scene break indicating as such.

"I'll just place them here so we can both share it," Matt placed the fries into the cupholder behind his car's gearshift. They were seasoned fries from his favorite drive-through restaurant. From the way Lucy was eagerly eating some from the passenger seat, they were going to be hers too.

"This is really good," Lucy commented before taking another bite of her veggie burger. "What's the place called again?"

"Munchies," Matt answered. He gave her a proud smirk before biting into his cheeseburger. "I always go there before coming here."

"I can see why," Lucy turned to the sight before them. "This place is beautiful."

This is a pretty cute scene, it's a welcome relief.

Matt's used blue car was parked on top of the hill overlooking the town of Pallet. The town was small, but filled with beautiful lighting that twinkled like stars. The sun had set by the time Matt and Lucy arrived, so they were allowed to witness the majestic view.

Beautiful visual there.

I think you should use "able" instead of "allowed."

"I used to take Ian here to hang out," Matt confessed. "There was actually a time when he used to open up to me, you know. Way back when I rescued him from some punks holding his homework over his head in middle school. Then high school came and...well, at least he's not getting bullied anymore."

Lucy frowned. The mention of her boyfriend gave her a sinking feeling in her stomach. She was then reminded that the only reason she was where she was now was because he didn't find her worth spending time with.

"How did you get to be his girlfriend in the first place?" Matt then asked bluntly. "How did you get a guy as antisocial and uptight as Ian to ask you out?"

You know, this fits in perfectly with Matt's previously established character (at least in my mind) and yet I don't find myself annoyed with him at all now. I think you've reached a different level with him.

"I...don't know," Lucy shrugged. "I met him in Freshman year at our math class. We sat next to each other so we talked a lot. Then he asked me to hang out with him after school and...I kept saying yes."

"Why?" Matt swallowed another fry. "What did you see in him?"

"He's...nice," Lucy tiltled her head. "Smart too."

"That's it?"

Lucy furrowed her eyebrows. "How about you?" she demanded. "What did[/I] you see in him?"

"I felt a little sorry for him," Matt admitted, "but he also wasn't that bad to hang out with. He wasn't the most exciting person in the world but he also wasn't that boring."


I like this, the conversation feels real.

"Oh."

"But look at him now," Matt sighed and leaned back against his seat, "a stranger."

Lucy's frowned deepened as the couple stared at the town below. The lights sparkled. Much activity was happening between them, but the teenagers were too far to see it.

"Do you know what I like about this place?" Matt asked.

"What?"

"It puts things in perspective," Matt answered. "Yes, I have a lot of problems, but so do the people in this town, other towns and cities, countries, and, if there is life somewhere up above there, planets."

That line about other planets, that's a hint .I'm calling it now.
 

The Great Butler

Hush, keep it down
Lucy blinked and looked at the town again.

"I used to be so mad at Ian," Matt continued, "so mad that after everything I've done to be there for him, he would abandon me without a word. Then I was mad at myself because maybe there was something that I've done that angered him—angered him so much he never wanted to speak to me again. But after looking at this town from here, I realized that maybe something bigger was happening. I know what my problems are, but I don't know his; and I don't know the problems of the people he's involved with that is causing him to stay away from me. I don't know. I just thought that, maybe...it wasn't either of our fault. The world was just too hard on us and we just couldn't do it."

Lucy leaned back, listening to his every word.

"All I could do at that point was wish him the best, maybe reunite with him when things get better," Matt went on. "I thought they were when he started dating you. We even started hanging out again after a while but," he scratched his head and sighed. "I thought then that he wanted to focus on you this time, but seeing you alone earlier...stood me corrected."

Lucy bit her lip. She blinked several times to keep tears from leaking to her cheeks.

This is intense. I'm impressed.

"I don't know what's happening to Ian and I want so desperately to figure it out so I can help him," Matt told her. "But I've learned the hard way that you can't save someone that doesn't want to be saved. If they fall into a hole and they don't want to get out, holding on to them will only drag you down with them. I might be all that Ian has, but if I start going down the same road he's going, who will I have to save me from myself? I don't have anyone in this world. I'll disappear among everyone else who had no one to be there for them."

"If that's the case," Lucy pointed out with a weighted heart, "why do you still hang out with him? Why not hang out with other people?"

"Well as I've said before, he keeps bailing on me," Matt answered. He gave her a bitter smile and added, "And to be honest, I think I still call myself his best friend to lie for the both of us. That way, Ian still has a friend and I haven't lost mine."

"But you can have more friends, right?" Lucy asked. "Why don't you hang out with more people?"

Matt's expression turned sour, and he locked his eyes with the windshield. Lucy inched back. Had she offended him?

"Let's...just say," Matt grimaced, "I'm having trouble...trusting other people right now…"

And now I actually feel for him. I like that.

Lucy bit her lip.

"I only confided to you because you're a stranger and we both been screwed by the same guy," Matt added. "We got each other's backs now but after tonight, this," he paused to wave the air between them, "isn't happening again."
Lucy gasped. "Wait," she said, "if I had said something that had offended you, I'm sorr—"

"It's not you," Matt sighed. "It's just...you're Ian's girlfriend and...things are just complicated right now, okay?"

I do have to give him credit for saying that. I was concerned that was the way it was going.

Lucy widened her eyes. Tears brimmed at the edge of her eyes. Matt turned to her, a more solemn expression on his face, and softened when he saw her glossy eyes. "I'm sorry," he said. "I really do like hanging out with you, you know. It's just that...what are the chances that you and I won't end up like me and Ian? It will only result in pain...for the both of us."

"But," Lucy leaned forward, placing a hand down for emphasis, "if you abandon me now, you'll be doing the same thing Ian is doing to us."

Matt widened his eyes.

"He's going through problems, you're going through problems, I'm going through problems...I'm tired of people abandoning each other just because of them!" Lucy cried. "We need to stick with each other for once. If we do, maybe our problems...wouldn't be that hard to deal with. We can fight them..together!"

I feel like this might have... escalated a little quickly? I mean, I get why she feels the way she does but she did only really meet him for the first time shortly before this.

Matt's expression softened. He leaned his head against the driver's seat and sighed. "You're right."

"Promise me right now that we'll stick together no matter what," Lucy demanded. "If one of us is going through something, no matter what, they don't abandon the others. We'll fight together and...we'll get through this together!"

Lucy's chest was heaving as she waited for his answer. Matt's eyes were still at the windshield, staring at the town below. Then, to her surprise, he turned back and gave her a warm smile.

"Okay," he said. "I promise."[/I]

All in all I do think that you provided a much more satisfying start for their relationship than I honestly expected.

When Aaron landed on the ship's roof, he planted his feet on the metal so the turbulence wouldn't knock him off. Other people would've needed extra support, but Aaron wasn't like other people. Once he spotted the part of the ship he wanted to go to, he ran to it like he was walking on plain ground.

He felt Elena watching him, which made him run even faster. He was sure the ship's radar had already detected his presence. If he were to dive into the interior, he was sure there would be massive forces awaiting him. That was what Elena was worrying about. She knew the soldiers inside already knew he was on their ship. She knew they would show him no mercy if he ever made it inside. She knew he was in the enemy's nonexistent mercy.

That was why Aaron had to prove her wrong.

Aaron rubbed his hands together until he felt energy gathering at his palms. He told her he had been training, and it was time to show her what he was capable of.

Genuinely enjoying these two so far.

He raised his hands and slammed it on the ship's metal walls. The metal creaked and groaned beneath him until finally collapsing on the soldiers below. Aaron could hear the cries of people and pokémon amplify before cutting to silence. It was his cue to enter, so he slipped into the ship.

Whoa, he did that with his bare hands?

"He raised his hands and slammed them on the ship's metal walls."

His boots hit metal when he landed on the ground. He saw debris and corpses around him, but it was the living soldiers heading his way that caught his attention. They didn't bring pokémon this time. Just guns.

"Stand down!" one of the soldiers commanded. Adrenaline pulsed through Aaron's veins. There were too many soldiers to count, and they had guns pointed right at him. "Stand down!"

Aaron raised his hands. "I'm not doing anything."

"Get on the ground!"

"But it's dirty."

"Get on the ground or we'll shoot!" The same man ordered.

Aaron's eyes flashed. "Go ahead."

A barrage of bullets immediately came his way, but none of them touched him. They gathered at the front of his person, creating a thick cloud. Aaron flicked his wrists. The floor was covered with corpses.

Okay, this guy is not human. No way. He's got some kind of powers.

Love his attitude too.

Aaron smirked and walked forward. The cloud of bullets moved with him, gathering more ammunition before sending them back. This is too easy, he thought. The enemy thought they had the upper hand. They also probably thought they could corner him. He came alone too, which was contradictory to the previous encounters they had with him and his team. But Aaron didn't come back as the same man they faced before. His abilities developed far more than they ever could imagine. That end of the ship was a death trap for them. Instead of ambushing him there, they were thinned out there.

Ooh, he has a history with them? And his powers have grown, so evidently he really was training. And there's a whole team, possibly with similar powers to him?

It wasn't long until Aaron reached the center of the aircraft. Placed in the middle like a vast aquarium was a see-through chamber. Laying inside it was a little black-haired girl in boys' clothing. Her eyes were closed, telling him she was unconscious. He thought her outfit odd but cast it aside. He searched left and right around the cell until he found the control box.

Wouldn't it be possible she was just asleep?

"Elena," Aaron called out to his ear-piece, "guess who?"

His ear-piece let out a sharp gasp.

A quibble, but the earpiece didn't gasp, the person on the other end did.

"Aaron?" Elena responded on the other end. "Oh thank Arceus, you're alive!"

"Of course, I'm alive," Aaron scoffed, "what did you expect?"

"I heard gunshots, Aaron," Elena grumbled. "What happened to the soldiers?"

"Dead," Aaron answered. "I think the ship was put on auto-pilot because there's nobody else to drive it. I'm the only one breathing in this ship right now. Me, and hopefully this little girl over here."

If he's using some kind of power or equipment to detect that he's the only one breathing, I think it should be mentioned in the description.

"You found her?"

"C'mon, Elena," Aaron rolled his eyes, "how many more missions do I have to succeed until you stop doubting me?"

He heard Elena scoff.

"Just get the girl and get back to the ship, alright?" Elena told him. "You want me to come down there?"

"I'm fine," Aaron insisted. "Just keep the helicopter hovering above the ship. You can go ahead and fly it right at the center; I'm the only one that's going to attack you."

He heard Elena scoff again and chuckled.

"Alright, I'll tell Chris."

Great interactions between them. I know I keep repeating myself but it has to be said.

Aaron huffed in satisfaction and turned back to the control box. The mechanisms were a bit different from the previous ones he dealt with, a little trickier too. It made him wonder if the girl was different from the other subjects their enemy had taken. Or maybe Absterge finally realized he and his team were not to be messed with and decided to up their game.

With that thought, Aaron immediately got to work. It took a considerable amount of time to get through certain kinks, but within minutes, the see-through chamber was opened.
"Hey!" Aaron called out to the unconscious girl. "Hey, the door is open; you can come out now!"

The girl didn't respond at first. But then she opened her eyes, revealing purple irises.

Wait, so she only had her eyes taken figuratively?

e," she croaked. "Please."

Aaron hesitated. The chamber, like the ones he unlocked before, was built to prevent people like him from using their abilities. Once he entered, his powers would be disabled. Then he would be no more powerful than the gun-wielding humans he killed with the powers they didn't have.

But the girl's eyes pleaded with him, and for some reason, he was lured in.

If Violet isn't actually influencing peoples' minds, then you're doing a great job keeping that mystery up in the air.

Aaron took a step inside. "I'm coming, okay? Don't move."

He took two to three more steps until he was steadily walking toward her. He let out a sigh of relief. He couldn't wait to tell Elena and the rest of the crew that their great leader, Aaron Stone, had walked into the chamber of doom and lived—heroically saving a frightened girl, no less. Elena would no doubt give him the scolding of his life, but Aaron didn't care. He loved Elena, he really did, but she had to stop being afraid. That was, after all, all she did her entire life. If she wasn't afraid of their enemies, she was afraid of herself. Her fear might had been justified, considering the damage her abilities could manifest, but it kept her from living in peace. The fear was like a curse to her, a curse not even her sister could break.

Her sister?

Elena wasn't the only one being tormented by her fears. Imagine wanting to protect someone you love, and stand no chance against what was hurting her the most. That was the curse Aaron had to deal with. He thought his love for Elena would defeat her fear, but it only made it stronger. The only thing scarier than hurting someone with your strength was losing someone because of it; so if Elena loved him, and she really, really did, she had a big reason to be afraid. Aaron was all she had left. If he lost her too...Aaron didn't want to think about it. But Elena thought about it every day, and that was why she was so afraid.

I like where this is going, but I do feel a little lost.

"...and standing no chance against what was hurting her the most."

Not anymore, Elena, Aaron knelt down to the purple-eyed girl in front of him. Aaron had trained many months to hone the abilities he used today. Death came to him in the form of bullets, and he controlled it like he was death itself. There was absolutely nothing Elena could be afraid of then, and their curses could finally b—

I get the point of this part but it needs some general reworking. I have trouble following the flow of thoughts (he's thinking about Elena and then that is linked in the same sentence to his physical action of kneeling down, which is entirely unrelated.)

The chamber door closed. Aaron gasped and ran to what was supposed to be his exit. He ran his hands through the door, but there were no handles or edges to grip. The door was basically a wall now, and it trapped him into a chamber that made him powerless.

"Elena!" Aaron cried. "Elena, the door ha—"

The sound of static interrupted him.

"Elena!"

Aaron called out her name a few more times as tremors racked through his body. Aaron took a step back, and then another, gaping at the closed door with wide eyes.

"Oh, Groudon! I didn't expect to see you so soon."

Aaron froze.

"You haven't changed at all."

Aaron turned around. The unconscious girl was wide awake now, standing at the spot she was just found unconscious. Aaron took a shaky step forward.

What? What is going on now??

"What did you call me?"

"Oh that's right, you don't have your memories again," the girl crossed her arms. "You can't blame me for forgetting, you know. Your looks may change, but nothing much else does."

WHAT?

"What," Aaron took another step forward, "what are you talking about? Are you saying we've met before?"

"Oh yes, many times," the girl eyed him tauntingly. "But we seem to be meeting sooner and sooner every time. Let's see if it will end sooner this time too."

Aaron paled. "What are y—"

"I'll give you a brief history since you're an old friend," the girl smirked. "Once upon a time, you and I had the same goal. We both thought we could accomplish it because we were more powerful than everyone else; but in the end, it turns out..."

The airship jerked, making Aaron fall back.

"Only one of us is right."

Aaron gasped as several holes started to form on the floors surrounding the chamber. He could see the rain through them, as well as the deep blue ocean.

"A fitting end, don't you think?" the girl suggested. Aaron growled and lunged, but the girl, to his surprise, materialized through the roof with ease and disappeared.

Aaron yelped when the airship plummeted to the water. He fell to the ground when it landed, and then immediately rose to his feet when his face touched water. He widened his eyes as ocean water emerged into his vision and quickly ascended to his chest.

I wish I could say more but I literally have no words. I have nothing.

Jin sighed and stuffed his hands into his pockets. He looked left and right of the flower field, but the princess had yet to be seen. They had agreed to meet that following day at that same time, so why had she not arrived? Didn't she just boast how polite her parents raised her just the day before? Did her parents forget to teach her how rude it was to be tardy?

Jin groaned and looked at the sky. The sun continued to use his dark outfit to bake him, and he was more than a little displeased. Sweat was trickling down his face and the back of his neck. He shuffled in discomfort, which then allowed the rest of his body to moisten underneath his clothes.

Jin groaned again. If he didn't have to study the inconsiderate princess so badly, he would've left the first five minutes she turned out to be absent. But he had to stay, so he stayed the extra twenty-five minutes. The princess would've officially been late for a half hour. If she didn't show up in the next five seconds, Jin growled to himself, he was going to hunt her down.

Not sure what I want to know what "hunt her down" means precisely.

Fortunately for him, the princess eventually appeared. Her white gown was replaced with a green one, camouflaging her with the grass. Beads and little gems adorned parts of her dress, camouflaging her with the flowers. Jin raised an eyebrow. Did the princess make him wait thirty minutes in the heat to emulate their location?

"Princess," Jin acknowledged, making an effort not to groan, "what took you so long?"

"My apologies," Armeus said. She gave him a smile as she approached him. "I had to take care of a few things."

"Do those things involve making sure you blend with the background?" Jin asked. "Because if it is, it wasn't worth waiting for."

Jin, you might want to watch that attitude of yours.

Also, can't help but wonder if those "few things" involve something Jin's self-preservation might benefit from knowing.

"At least I dressed appropriately," Armeus stopped in front of him. "Unlike someone here who clearly doesn't know how dark clothing works in a sunny day."

"I know how dark clothing works," Jin almost seethed, "I know[/I] very well."

"I bet," Armeus smirked, "your face is practically glistening in sweat."


Ah, so Armeus has some wit too. Nice.

Jim grunted and wiped his face. He wanted to do something else too but restrained himself.

I don't want to know what that something else is.

Also, you misspelled his name and called him Jim.

"Let's go somewhere cooler, princess," he suggested. "Perhaps in the shade of the forest."

"That does sound tempting," Armeus nodded, "but I decline."

Jin narrowed his eyes. "Why?"

"Because in the flower field..."

Jin froze. Something metallic touched the right side of his neck. Something sharp.

"I have the advantage," Armeus finished, digging the sword deeper into his skin.

I did not see THAT coming, not at all. I love her.

Jin raised an eyebrow. "What are you doing, princess?"

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Armeus demanded. "Do you think I'm going to allow a stranger of my father's land to stay and not ask questions?"

I gotta admit, I underestimated her. I didn't think she'd be such a competent princess after all.

"If you wanted to know my intentions, princess," Jin leaned away, "you could've just asked."

"No," Armeus shook her head, following his movements with her sword. "You're different. You wouldn't give me a proper answer."

"What makes you say that?"

"I can't explain it," Armeus admitted, "but you came here too...easily. My father has strict security around our kingdom's borders, yet you arrived undetected."

"Does your father know I'm here?" Jin asked.

"No," Armeus shook her head, "I can take care of you."

I love her so much.

Jin tilted his head. "Can you, now?"

"I don't know why you came to me, but your reasons can't be good," Armeus went on. "Yet you came here unarmed and completely conspicuous. Either you're not very bright, or you don't think I can handle you."

"I assure you, princess," Jin grinned, "I mean no harm."

"Liar."

"It's true."

Yeah, I side with Armeus here.

"Then why are you here?" Armeus marched to him. "What do you want from me?"

Her face was only inches from his. Jin would've flinched, but the edge of her blade was still deep into his skin. He decided to keep still, drowning into her violet gaze. He suddenly could not move, could not breathe.

Wait, how is he even standing if the sword is really that deep into his neck?

"Your attention."

Armeus froze.

"You are beautiful, princess," Jin continued, "and the most beloved figure in all the land. Could you blame a man for wanting to meet you himself?"

"Th-That," Armeus stepped back, "that can't be true."

I don't believe him either.

"Why else did I wait this long in the hot sun for you?" Jin asked. "If it was the only way to see you again, I would have waited even longer."

The sword on his neck started to quiver.

"Give me a chance, princess," Jin pleaded. "It must be lonely spending time with just pokémon. Allow me take that loneliness away from you and replace it with something...more."

Don't fall for it...

The sword became steady again, freezing him in place.

"You're lying," Armeus insisted. "You're lying, I just know it!"

"Oh, princess," Jin sighed, leaning against the metal, "have you not been romanced before?"

The sword started shaking again. This time, however, it shook completely out of Jin's shoulder and returned limply to the princess's side.

Wait, I thought it was in his neck?

"No," Armeus answered.

Jin was immediately in front of her, taking her head between his hands. "Then allow me to show you," he said.

The sword fell to ground, landing on the grass with a "poof."

Can't say I like this too much...

Ian laid against the mattress propped up to help him sit up and tried to remember the events that had led him to his situation. Violet was in her room—locked in her room—and he was trying to get inside. He must've broken his arm when he tackled the door—which explained the cast wrapped around his right appendage—and he passed out.

Then he woke up in a hospital where Alakazam ran in and squeezed him like her life depended on it. Lucy was also there but she seemed...different. Ian was sure she was no physically different than she was the last time he saw her (he tried not to remember their bitter last encounter), but something about her did seem off. Alakazam, who was currently sitting on a chair beside his bed and gripping his hand worriedly, was hostile to Lucy all of the sudden.

And then Lucy told them that Violet killed Matt.

Ian's head was spinning, but he was sure no medication could alleviate it. Too many things were happening too quickly. Too many things were changing too quickly. He didn't know what to process and how. He wanted to throw up.

Ian gasped when the door clicked open. He and Alakazam turned around to see Denerro walking into the room. The older man approached them with a flat frown and a narrow stare. Ian was caught-off guard at how serious he looked. He was expecting a more sympathetic gaze that many others had given him. But Denerro looked like he was holding something back, hidden information that would soon be revealed. But what, Ian asked himself. What was so important that his boss had to show up in his hospital room?

Things were already grim and then Denerro showing up just made them way worse...

"M-Mr. Denerr—"

"You know, Ian," Denerro interrupted, "I had always liked you. I dare say you were one of my favorite scientists."

Ian's shoulders stiffened as the man stopped at the foot of his bed.

"You were hardworking, smart, and most importantly," Denerro narrowed his eyes, "trustworthy."

Ian's entire body went rigid. Alakazam became alert.

"I would ask you what had happened to you, what had happened in the lab that would cause you to be hospitalized, but I know you won't tell me the truth. After all…"

Ian and Alakazam flinched when a fist hit the bed's railing.

"You've been lying to me the whole time," Denerro snarled.

Yeah, this is bad.

Loving the escalation in the actions and reactions from the various people in this scene, by the way.

Ian inched back. "Wh-What are yo—"

"I know who you are, Ian," Denerro stated. "I know who you really are. You think that changing your name would hide your true identity, but you have the actions of a liar and a traitor! Just like your father."

Ian's blood went cold. "What," he shook, "what do you know about my father?"

"Richard Oak wasn't an ordinary man," Denerro started. Ian and Alakazam froze, trembling as they unconsciously leaned toward each other. "He was a great scientist—magnificent, just like you. He was loyal to me for so many years I wanted to promote him as my right-hand man." He gripped the railing and hissed. "But then I learned what he was really after, why his loyalty was stronger than any man's I've known. He was an undercover spy for Revalation. I'm sure you've heard of them."
I'm guessing Revelation is the organization that Aaron and Elena work for. There is a lot potentially going on here so I'm not going to say too much, but it is rather fascinating.

Wait, is it supposed to be spelled "Revalation," differently from the actual word "revelation?" Maybe there is a reason for this?


Ian stiffly shook his head. "N-No. I haven't."

"Oh of course you haven't!" Denerro barked coldly. "How could you have heard of such an organization? They were the ones that took you away, after all!"

Ian gasped when Alakazam screamed in pain. The psychic's head landed on his lap, unconscious. When Ian looked back up at Denerro, the man was pocketing a taser and revealing another weapon.

...he tased an Alakazam? And Alakazam wasn't able to stop him? I find that a little tough to swallow.

A gun.

"Wh-What," Ian held Alakazam and inched back, "What are you doing?"

"Something I should've done a long time ago."

The gun clicked.

"Kill you."

But wasn't he reluctant when Werner gave the order?

Denerro screamed when a streak of energy engulfed his body in electricity. He fell forward, hitting his head on the rail in the process, and fell to the ground. Ian immediately searched the room to see which pokémon had saved him, but what he saw wasn't a pokémon. It was a human.

Said human pulled his hand back to his chest, little strings of electricity tickling his fingers. The stranger was a man in a doctor's coat and didn't look much different from the doctors Ian had seen. But Ian knew he wasn't a doctor. Now that he thought about it, he might not be human either.

"More reinforcements are coming in," the stranger declared in a deep voice, "we have to go now."

Revelation, I'd guess, and I'm even more convinced they're who Aaron and Elena work for now.

Ian didn't say anything. He only sat still—confused and afraid.

I would be too.

The stranger neared him and turned to Alakazam. "Was she stunned?"

Ian managed to nod.

The stranger raised his hand and sent Alakazam a quick ball of spark. Ian widened his eyes and was about to protest, but Alakazam suddenly rose from his lap and stood straight and erect. When she saw the stranger, her expression became more even alarmed.

"I need you to carry your friend," the stranger requested. When Alakazam remained frozen, he grunted and added, "Quickly, or we'll be killed!"

This got Ian off the bed and beside Alakazam, who was manipulating his body with Confusion. Both he and Alakazam looked at the stranger with an apprehensive gaze, but the man gave no chance to do anything else. He cocked his head to the door, opened the exit, and pointed, "Go!"

Reluctantly and shakily, the duo followed him out.

This scene is why I think Alakazam should have used her psychic powers sooner. I don't really see her running or squeezing someone physically, but here it feels much more natural.

Violet saw nothing, heard nothing, and felt nothing. She would've thought she was dead but dismissed it. Dead people don't feel numb. They don't feel anything at all. Then again, she herself didn't really feel anything. Maybe she was dead.

Oh, right, I didn't realize the other entity taking her eyes was a metaphor for taking over her body.

Something, more like someone, suddenly called out to her. She could tell it was a man's voice, maybe a little older than Ian, but couldn't understand what he was saying. She waited for the person to come closer. His voice was getting louder, so that must've meant the speaker was coming closer, right?

Violet then felt a presence beside her. She heard a gasp and then suddenly felt naked.

"No. No!"

Violet froze when she felt a thumb trace her cheekbone.

"It can't be...she found you?"

Violet would've blinked if she still had eyelids. Was the man talking about the figure that took her eyes?

"No..."

The speaker started to croak, repeating more "no"s as Violet felt him look her over. Violet recognized the tone the speaker was using; she used it herself not too long ago. She didn't know what it was called, but if she did, she would know it was despair.

"But you're just a kid," he whispered. "You're just a kid."

This is very, very unsettling and creepy.

Violet froze. Two arms suddenly pulled her body in, squeezing her against a broad chest.

"It's happening too soon. I can't believe she found you already—you're just a kid."

Violet still felt numb, but knew that under any other circumstances, she should have been alarmed and frightened. Then she started to feel less numb, and more of the last thing she expected to feel.

Relief.

Without thinking, Violet pulled the fabric of whatever the speaker was wearing and pulled the speaker closer. The speaker responded by pulling her closer to him. The two floated like that for a while, each feeling different things. Violet was feeling relief and confusion. Then, dampness on the top of her head. Liquid trickled down from her hair, down across her forehead, and right between her eye holes. One then fell into a gap, making her feel like she was crying even though she wasn't. Then she suddenly did feel like crying.

You are doing a superb job at putting me in the shoes of someone who has no eyesight. I like it quite a lot. Because of that I can really sympathize with her overwhelming emotions too.

"Wh-Who," Violet stammered, "who are you?"

The speaker was squeezing her now.

"I'm your husband."

What???? I mean, it's kind of obvious to me there's some sort of reincarnation thing going on but I have no idea where this could even possibly lead anymore.

I hope this review didn't take too long. I really did enjoy the chapter, there were a lot of very exciting moments and things that could lead to wild new possibilities in terms of the story. The only thing needed to be fixed are the technical issues I pointed out.
 

ChewieJ

Pokémon Writer
Review Response for The Great Butler (Chapter 10) and Update!

Hello, everyone! Before we proceed with the review response, I'd like to say a couple of things. One, I'm blown away by the views the thread is getting. Thank you so much for taking the time to read the chapter. I appreciate your support. Second, I realized that the only ones that can vote in the poll were the ones that have Fanfiction.net account. To make it fair to those that don't have one, I will also accept votes given to me through private messages, reviews, and emails to chewiesunrises@gmail.com. The poll will be closed on July 31, 2016, 11 PM Pacific Standard Time. If the results say I should discontinue the story, I will contact a mod to close the thread on this site and manually close the story on the other site. If the results say I should continue, then I will post an estimate on when the next chapter will be published.

Without further ado, let's get on with the response!


The following suggestions were applied:

I think you might have wanted to say "her long lashes" to avoid repetition of "eye" in those last two sentences though.

I think "awaken" is the better word to use here.

The wording here is a little confusing due to too many uses of "him."

"I will let him know of his termination..."

Popped out of their sockets.

The tenses switch up a bit here. Instead of "prevents heat sensors from going through" it needs to be "prevented heat sensors from going through" to fit with the rest of the past tense.

"pull the rug out from under you" and "felt bile gathering in the back of her throat."

No need for the 'was' in "with his right arm wrapped in bandages."

"He raised his hands and slammed them on the ship's metal walls."

"...and standing no chance against what was hurting her the most."

Also, you misspelled his name and called him Jim.

Wait, is it supposed to be spelled "Revalation," differently from the actual word "revelation?" Maybe there is a reason for this?

~.~

The italic "frolic" is coded in reverse. The backslashed I has to be the second tag.

I purposely left the "frolic" unitalicized to imply emphasis. I have yet to see italicized text boldfaced for emphasis but seen the italics removed to do the job, so I decided to that instead.

"She almost succeeded with you too!" seems to be what you're going for here.

I did mean "you two" because Alakazam was hospitalized as well. It was mentioned in the previous chapter.

I feel like this might have... escalated a little quickly? I mean, I get why she feels the way she does but she did only really meet him for the first time shortly before this.

I agree, that did escalate quickly. I went on with it anyway because Lucy is a teenager in this scene and as many of us know, teenagers can be rash.

Wait, how is he even standing if the sword is really that deep into his neck?

The sword didn't cut his skin, but it was threatening to.

Wait, I thought it was in his neck?

The sword was against his neck, not in it, as mentioned before, so it was able to slide off his shoulders. I understand the confusion, though. I'll work on my delivery.

Wait, is it supposed to be spelled "Revalation," differently from the actual word "revelation?" Maybe there is a reason for this?

No, I just misspelled it. Thanks for pointing it out! I just corrected it.

I hope this review didn't take too long. I really did enjoy the chapter, there were a lot of very exciting moments and things that could lead to wild new possibilities in terms of the story. The only thing needed to be fixed are the technical issues I pointed out.

It didn't take long at all; thank you for taking the time to read and review it. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I'm also glad that my efforts to continuously improve my writing have paid off, for you're not the only one that has commented positively on my work. This story and the others as well. I apologize for the errors; I'm still working on eliminating all of them before publishing.


Thank you again for being a loyal reader and review of my story! I shall read and review yours soon.
 

ChewieJ

Pokémon Writer
Poll Update

Happy July, everyone! Just to let you know, there is a month left until the poll is closed and there are no votes so far. I need about ten votes to continue the story to start on the next chapter. If that doesn't happen, then I will have to discontinue it. Whatever the results may be, I really am grateful for the attention you have given to this story. I would love to continue writing it, but if the story ends up being terminated, then I will gladly put it aside to focus on the stories more people anticipate.

That's all for now! The next update will be the poll results. Have a good day!
 

JX Valentine

Ever-Discordant
Hi there! I've spoken with some of the other mods, and we aren't really okay with the whole "please vote to determine whether or not I should continue my story" thing. While authors are allowed to post fic updates, this doesn't really qualify as such. It seems closer to vying for attention than anything else, which goes against the spirit of the forum and is rather spammy. Not to mention it comes off as more of an advertisement than content, particularly with the fact that you're herding people off the site in order to vote, which means it edges a little closer to breaking the no-advertising rule as well. (For the record, you can actually ask a mod to edit/reset a poll, especially if you don't have that many votes on your old one. *nod*)

That having been said, at the risk of being overly blunt, the thing about deciding whether or not you continue a fic is that you have to ask yourself whether or not you want to do it. Ignore the responses for a sec, step back, and really ask yourself if you're having fun with this project and/or if you're still willing to devote the time and energy to keep it up. If the answer is no, then continuing it might put undue stress on yourself. Sure, it's always good to finish what you've started, but if your heart's not into it, then you might find yourself struggling to put words together and tell the story you want to tell. If the answer is yes, then you'll want to ask yourself if dropping the project is something you'd regret a little further down the line.

Ultimately, we can't answer the question of whether or not you should finish this fic because this is your story at the end of the day. It's something you work on. This is also why it's not a good idea to tie audience feedback to your motivation. Sure, it's great to get responses and all, but focusing too much on the quantity of feedback you get risks distracting you from what's really important about telling a good story (or about establishing author-reviewer relationships). Ultimately, remember that everything's about content. Dedicate yourself to telling the stories you want to tell, focus on telling them as well as you can, and while it's okay to pay attention to reviews, try to pay more attention to what your reviewers are saying, not how many of them are interacting with you.

Here's hoping some of this helps. That having been said, while this isn't a formal warning (it'd be PMed if it was), I still have to ask you to not post updates to ask people to vote on your poll. Let us know if you would like your thread locked, but in the meantime, good luck with your decision.
 
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