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The Ancients of Light, Dark and Man

  • Thread starter The Ice Cold Bombshells
  • Start date
T

The Ice Cold Bombshells

Guest
This is like a mythology story I made up. Hope you enjoy.

The Ancients of Light, Dark and Man

This is another tale of three ancient powerful PokeMon…...

1500 years ago in the great land of Grandieas there was a great war between two powerful PokeMon, but this was not between the forces and powers of Groudon and Kyogre. This was between the forces of light and dark. Airieas and Baladour.

Airieas was the force of light and was said to shine light down on the Earth from the Sun where she resided. Disciples and worshipers of God believed Airieas was a messenger from the lord and was sent to protect them.

Baladour was the force of darkness and was said to control gravity to bring night upon the Earth so man and all leaving creatures can sleep in peace. Baladour resided in the deepest, darkest cave only to exist as a gem of power. The reason to hide was to avoid humans with weak hearts for his power was too great to control. For you see the power of darkness was never meant to be evil. It was the weakest of hearts that made it evil.

However, on one fateful day a group of non-believers discovered and entered Baladour’s cave. These people hated the disciples and wanted the land free of worshipers so they can live without under the control of the Ten Commandments. Keairen was the leader of the non-believers and was the one who guided his allies into the cave. The moment he saw the gem he couldn’t resist obtaining it, but the moment he laid his hands on the glowing jewel, Baladour’s dark power rushed through his body and blackened his heart and soul. With full control of Baladour, Keairen and his allies awoke Baladour from the cave and reined death and destruction upon cities and towns they encountered.

The disciples chose to retaliate by summoning Airieas from the Sun by using the light gem she entrusted to them. At that moment the forces clashed and war began.

Even though the battle lasted thirty days, those not involved in the war were getting side effects from the battle. Unnatural weather patterns and destroyed land forced the people and King Steinhem of Grandieas to bring forth their own power to end the battle. Zaramace.

Zaramace was the force of all of Earths living beings and is said to be creator of all metals and elements known to man.

King Steinhem walked unto the battlefield and saw the aftermath caused by Airieas and Baladour. In one swift order he commanded Zaramace to attack both Airieas and Baladour. As Zaramace attacked, his power was great enough to make Airieas and Baladour retreat to their lairs. After the two forces disappeared Steinhem ordered the destruction of both gems so neither force can be summoned again.

After the war finally ended, Grandieas was but a great land is now region of islands. One island large and the others small.

More than a thousand after the war the whereabouts of Airieas, Baladour and Zaramace became unknown. Their existence was completely forgotten by the memories of humans. Until today.
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
fifteen hundred/One thousand, five hundred years ago in the great land of Grandieas there was a great war between two powerful Pokemon,

Don't use numbers in a fic, and if you are going to do so, atleast have the common decency about doing it correctly: 1,500. If you're going to be lazy, atleast be lazy with some grammar. And while Pokemon may be PokeMon on the boxes, that doesn't mean it has to be that way in fics. When you do that, a little m dies because you didn't use it.

So far the plot seems bland, and un original. And also a rip off of the battle between Kyogre, Groudon and Rayquaza. If it was just a battle between two titans, it wouldn't be so bad. But adding in a third party, and having it sound almost exactly like Team Magma/Aqua-esque type followers and whatnot, just adds to the un originality I am sensing from this. It also doesn't help you have Jewels/Gems to have power over these demi gods or whatnot.

And to sum this up in a scentence: all it is, is different names, attributes/abilities. But basically the same damn plot as the Groudon/Kyogre/Rayquaza scuffle
 
M

mindripper

Guest
Hey there, welcome to these boards. Hmmm, your fic is pretty much ok. There are several spelling errors, so do run a spellcheck, ok? I realise that this chapter was meant to be something like a prologue. Do correct me if I am mistaken. It was pretty short, but the length is fine for a prologue. You gave backstory to the present time in which your fic will be based, am I right? Do be careful about using uber-powerful Pokemon, ok? They are difficult to write adequately well, and can be tough to swallow if portrayed poorly.

I have to ask why the Pokemon were actually transfigured into gems? By their choice, or were they trapped? Also, Zaramance is the third ancient Poke you referred to? Well, I will base my opinion on the story when the actual story gets going. Take care of the small spelling errors and you will be fine. Let me know if I can assist you in any way.
 
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The Ice Cold Bombshells

Guest
Oh well. Thanks for pointing out a few things. I'll do better next time. And I'll try and send pics of the three uber poerful pokemon I made up.
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
The Ice Cold Bombshells said:
And I'll try and send pics of the three uber powerful pokemon I made up.

Don't send the pics of these 'super powerfull' pokemon you made up. Decribe them in the fanfiction. This is Fan Fics Not Fan Comics.
 
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