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The Aristocrats

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TPMX

Beans backing up...
Hey guys, welcome to the first game that I made all by myself, no help. Go me!

This is one of those neverending games. See, there's been a joke going around for over 70 years about a man going into a talent agent's office and introuducing this act that's so leud and disgusting that you're shocked. Then the punchline makes it funny. It doesn't make sense, but whatever.

Anybody can make this joke. Just come up with as many gross things as possible. I wanted an SPPF version to go on forever, everyone just adding on a line. So that's what we'll do. Add on as many violent, gross things as possible.

Rules
1. Keep it tasteful. Due to kids coming and joining this forum, nothing the swear filter blocks out, and everything must be kept at MOST PG-13.
2. If it's impossible, you can't post the action. (aka he licks his elbow, he gets beamed up into space)
3. To talk to someone playing the game, put what you wanna say in ()s.
3. Normal SPPF rules.
4. Have fun!
P.S. If you came up with a version all your own, I'd love to hear it. PM me it.

Kid-friendly, VERY SHORT example:

A man walks into a talent agent's office and says to him, "I have the newest and best act ever. It's a family act. My wife, my boy, and me go out on stage; my wife in a wedding gown, my son in a brown tux, and me in a raincoat. My wife pulls out a hammer and hits my son with it, then I pick him up and teach him about the birds and the bees. And a kind of Gallagher thing happens where he gets a nosebleed and I collect it in a bucket. Then I chuck it at the auidence and we all go "Ta-da!"

The agent goes, "Wow...that's quite an act. What do you call yourselves?" The man snaps his fingers and goes, "The Aristocrats!"

Okay, let's start. Remember, it NEVER ENDS.

A man walks into a talent agent's office and goes, "Do I have an act for you! Well, my wife, my 4 kids, two boys, two girls, and me come out on stage, my wife in a cooking hat and a dress, my kids all holding an elephant tusk, and me in a Yogi Bear costume...
 

Redsoxpsyco

SarahPalinClubsSeals
(I should've known you'd come with a game for this XD)
I start throwing angry cats at my kids, who throw the tusks into the air, and my wife catches them and throws them at me. Which will land in my leg, and one of my sons amputates(sp?) the leg with the tusks in it, and saves the leg for later.
 

TPMX

Beans backing up...
(If there wasn't a rule for the kids, this would be the best game on SPPF! XD)

Then, as revenge on me, my son would throw his amputated leg at me and the tusk would get stuck in my eye. My wife comes over, takes the tusk out, and eats my eyeball like a shishkabob. I say, "Well, I"m more blind than the average bear!"
 

~*Nobody*~

samonsterX
Then I get a sponge and rub my eldest daughters butt with it and then my wife will hit me with a frying pan. Then a bolt of lightning comes down and strikes my wife and sons.
 

TPMX

Beans backing up...
Then, like a shishkabob, my wife takes the fried tusk and pokes herself, ripping out her spleen. She eats it and gives my daughter a purple nurple...
 

Redsoxpsyco

SarahPalinClubsSeals
So, I'm lying there, eyes and leg missing. While my daughters start arm wrestling. My son that amputated me starts whacking them with the leg, and the other son takes out some baking soda and vinegar, and pours it into my empty eye sockets.
edit: Double Blast!
 

TPMX

Beans backing up...
My eye starts to erupt and it slips into my mouth. I run around in pain because I believe I'm being poisoned. My two daughters punch me in the stomach, then my wife and two sons start going WWE on each other...
 

Redsoxpsyco

SarahPalinClubsSeals
and singing that makes me even more sick :)p) I start throwing up, I scoop up the puke, take my wife's hat off, pour the puke in it, and put it back on her head.
 

TPMX

Beans backing up...
(I do too, it's just an example)

The puke drips down her head and she goes, "Uh-oh, Spaghetti-O's! Mmm, Spaghetti-Oh's...." and starts to eat the vomit.
 

Rheine

Stabby McStabface
When i'm beaten, i'll start screaming like a little girl and my pants become wet
 

TPMX

Beans backing up...
My son will collect my unmanly pee and start drinking it like it's Mountain Dew...
 

Rheine

Stabby McStabface
...and i will say how wonderful it taste, then i'll go dancing with my amputated leg
 

TPMX

Beans backing up...
My leg and I do the Charleston, and my wife beats me with a pizza....
 

Rheine

Stabby McStabface
and my children will farting on me, and after that my wife will start vomiting on my face
 

TPMX

Beans backing up...
I go, "I'm cuckoo for vomit!", eat it up, and throw up back on her. She throws up back at me, and we do this for about an hour...
 

Redsoxpsyco

SarahPalinClubsSeals
They start rolling around on the floor, singing "Burn, Baby Burn!" Then I take out a fire exstinguisher. But instead of putting them out, I shove the extinguisher down their throats, and shoot the *insert whatever it's called they put inside a fire extinguisher* down their throats.
 

Rheine

Stabby McStabface
Then when they suffers because of the pain, they will jumpings like crazy and i will laugh insanely and start walking with my tongue
 
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