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The Aruseus Chronicles

cecil 090

chaos of the night
* This is my first attempt at a Fan Fic so be kind please, now then lets begin.*



Prolouge

In the world of pokemon their lies a secret, only to be known by an elite few, this is the secret of Aruseus. In the ancient times Aruseus was worshipped as a great and powerful God who sent down the gifts of pokemon and man down onto the planet. Ever since then man has tried to both claim and protect the secret location of Aruseus, a secret that has been hidden to this very day...

A phone began to ring as a shadowy figure reached to answer it, as a strong voice belowed from the phone, "Sir We have retrieved the artifact just as you commanded", "very good now bring it to me like the others" the dark figure replied as he hung up the phone.

The man walked down a flight of stairs and arrived at an enormous lab, he walked towards 3 containment pods, each housed a small pokemon, one blue one yellow, and one pink. He glanced upwards at the wall above the pods and like in a trace just stood their gazing at the five different colored tiles encased on the wall, "soon" he mumbled, "soon i will have them all, and the pathway of light will be unlocked, and with it Aruseus!"



Chapter 1- The quest begins

In the small town of Pallet, our hero Ash Ketchum has just awoken from a good night sleep, "morning pikachu" he said as the yellow mouse woke with a big yawn. As Ash got dressed he looked out his window and saw something very peculiar, "I don't think the weather man called for thunderstorms today pikachu", "pika?" replied the tiny mouse, now the pair were heading towards a giant building powered by 3 ginat windmills, as they entered the building the owner professor Oak was on a giant video phone split into 8 separate screens, Ash recongnized the faces on the screens as the 8 Kanto gym leaders but wondered why they'd all be talking to the Professor at the same time. Ash decided to listen in but could not believe what he was hearing come out from the professors mouth, "so your saying 5 of the tiles have been stolen already?", Brock who Ash remembered right away spoke first, "yes professor the rock plate has been stolen", then Erika spoke, "so has the grass plate", one by one Lt.Surge, Blaine, and Sabrina all spoke of the plates being stolen. The professors skin turned white and broke into a cold sweat, "how could this happen? The rest of you add more security to that you protect and for those who've lost theirs i advice you to assist the others immediately!". "Umm professor" Ash said hesitant of the response he'd recieve, "Ash wha... what are you doing here?", "I was here to visit my pokemon but... what's worng professor?" "nothing, nothing is wrong now if you'll excuse me I have to go". Just as the professor made his way to the door it exploded in a cloud of smoke, 2 figures became visible in the cloud of rubble, two dorapion were posed and ready to attack with two Team Galaxy Grunts stood behind them, "go use cross poision!", the dorapion fired 2 purple X's that shot towards the professor hitting him in his chest, "No!, pikachu use Volt tackle now!", the electric mouse burst into a brilliant yellow energy and made contact with the Galaxy grunts and their dorapion sending them flying backwords. As Ash knelt before the injured professor he spoke to Ash, "Ash there is something I need from you" as he reached into his pocket, "take this and meet with Brock and Misty in Pewter City", as one of Oak's assistants rushed to call an ambulence.

chapter 2 coming soon
 

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
Rush Much?

There really WASN'T much to comment on here, as the chapter you made a blocked together paragraph could have been stretched, flushed, and stretched again into a decent length story. Before you go writing any more 'chapters' in the reply box;

http://serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=96993
^ Fanfic Rules

http://serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=19
^ Advice For Aspiring Authors

Go, read those two stickies.

Aside from that, as I said this was rushed beyond belief, you described no one/nothing/anything/any pokemon. You didn't capitolize words that NEED to have caps, such as when someone's speaking, and you bunched together speech quotations together which is another, serious, no-no.
 
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