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the ballad of destruction (oneshot)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction' started by Master of All, Dec 14, 2008.

  1. Master of All

    Master of All Call me Peter...

    Now before you start to read this, i wrote it while in year 3
    also if this is good then you might see some more of this stuff only more to do with this site
    bye the way critisism is greatly needed but remember that my writing skills have probably grown over the last 4 years






    The Ballad Of Destruction



    Once on earth, there was a gifted child called James A. Monster and was born May 12th 1936. This child was gifted in ways you couldn’t imagine but this gift was a bad gift. Bad in 2 ways: 1.He gets it when he’s angry.2. He turns into a monster.
    It luckily will only happen once he’s 21. It’s 10 days after James’ 21st birthday and he’s managed not to get angry. This is where are story begins.

    ~~~

    James is walking down the street thinking about his life long love, Hannah when he is ambushed. He puts up a good fight but in the end he loses the battle. He becomes angry and his rage takes over knowing little of what he is about to endure.

    ~~~

    In so little time he turns into the ultimate killing machine. He flings one of the robbers over a building and drowns the other one in a pool of his own blood. He goes and attacks exactly 138 innocent people. This is the opposite of what he would do so lets be fair and call him Semaj now.
    Semaj runs to Hannah’s house rips the roof off it and grabs a screaming Hannah from the lounge room.

    ~~~

    Lucky for Hannah her friend Holly was over. Holly immediately called the police, army, air force and NAVY. Semaj climes a very tall building unknowing of the surprise of a lifetime at the top of it. As his feet touch the top floor’s windows he hears a rumble. Semaj looked into the windows to find a bomb inside, about to EXPLODE!
    Semaj went flying into the next building and Hannah also goes flying but lucky for her, an airforce pilot called Cathal (Who is James’ and Semaj’s brother.) catches her in his helicopter. Semaj leaped down to (in his mind) an enemy filled ground.

    ~~~

    He puts up a good fight but in the end (like the last time) he lost. Some say it was a bomb, some say it was an arrow and the rest say it was a bullet, all them were to the hand. Personally I don’t care but I have a hunch that it might have been the sight of his beloved Hannah kissing his brother Cathal.
    That is what I think stunned Semaj long enough for a man with the most sense in the group to stick a machete in him and slice his stomach in half. It took as long as the helicopters to land for Semaj to turn back into his good self, James.

    ~~~

    As soon as Hannah got of the helicopter she ran to James.James said “ My darling Hannah you’re okay. I’m sorry about other evil side. I should’ve told you about him.”
    James started to get up through the pain and agony of his wound to go to the hospital but Hannah kicked him down. Again pain ran through his body.
    “You nearly killed me.” She said.
    She ran back to Cathal and kissed him. James realised that the so-called illusion up in the helicopter was real!

    ~~~

    James realised what a fool he’d been loving a girl who obviously loved his brother. All his savings spent on her for nothing. What about those innocent people you must be saying, well he thought about them as well. He realises he could never save as many lives as he killed, so instead of going to the hospital he laid there and soon died.

    ~~~

    Epilogue
    Yes James died but the legend of his story lived on as Semaj and as for Cathal and Hannah they got married and had a child. A very, very gifted child …

    The End!
     
    Last edited: Dec 15, 2008
  2. sweet_piplup123

    sweet_piplup123 I lost the game?!?!

    Wow...this is a sad story...I felt sorry for James.
    Only one major problem: the lack of description. We don't really iknow what happened. Now I know you wrote this in yr 4, but you could've take some time and rewrite it or something.
    I do apologise if I am being harsh...
    sweet_piplup123 ;393;
     
  3. MegaGirl

    MegaGirl Hello! :3

    o_o I didn't write while being 3 XD

    That's a sad story D: I'd be hating Hannah if she did that to me xDDDDDDDD
    omg I like the epilogue o_O kind of creepy

    I can't give critique, I don't write too much :p
     
  4. Master of All

    Master of All Call me Peter...

    yay first ever reveiws
    MG:thanks and i can't do it either

    sweet piplup123:thankyou and i'll work on that
     
  5. Yonowaru in Chaos

    Yonowaru in Chaos gaspard de la nuit

    I don't think there were any helicopters in 1957.
     
  6. Master of All

    Master of All Call me Peter...

    to Yonorawu in Chaos- actually they were http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter check there-turbine age. I think you will find that the first helicopters used in that kind of situation were made in 1951. But still you are looking out for any mistakes as a reveiwer and I thank you.
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2009
  7. sweet_piplup123

    sweet_piplup123 I lost the game?!?!

    He means Grade 3 actually.
     

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