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The Battle for Earth

dubiOUS

Well-Known Member
Alas, after several years of this fic collecting dust and being delayed by an evil virus that deleted every saved file on my computer, I am ready to release this fic to the public. Over all, I rate this fic to be PG13 for violence, rare use/mention of alcohol, and language.

The Battle for Earth​
Prologue​

“You can have an attorney present you know.” The district attorney said. “I don’t need one,” said the person across from him.

They were in the interrogation room. A cold, lonely place, it had seen more than its share of scum guilty of some crime or another.

This time though, one of the would-be jailbirds was a young girl, mid to late teens, garbed in a buttoned-up black trench coat and black pants. Although she didn’t look it, she was, aside from the Iron Masked Marauder, one of the most feared. Guilty of crimes ranging from petty theft to kidnapping, she was found loitering around a department store in Viridian City, no doubt choosing her next target.

“So what do you want?” the attorney asked curtly.

“A deal,” the girl replied in a bored tone.

“Why would we do that?” he asked impatiently.

“Because I have dirt,” the girl said, “on Team Rocket. Word on the street says that the city’s cracking down on crime.” The girl casually rummaged through the inside of her jacket and pulled out a DVD.

“You see, this DVD contains all of the information you need to take down Team Rocket. Not only does it have a list of all of its members and funding sources, but it also contains a detailed record of all of the experiments they’ve been working on. And I’ve even been kind enough to break the encryption code that protected it.”

“So what do you want in return?” the attorney asked.

“I’ll give you the information in exchange for dropping all of the charges against me, and I mean all of them. As well as expunging my record.” the girl said.

The attorney hesitated at first, but then images of the fame and glory he would obtain flashed through his mind, as well as his current ranking in the polls. Taking down Team Rocket would give him a landslide victory in the election.

He accepted, and the notorious criminal was released onto the streets, free of all prosecution.

“All according to plan” she muttered triumphantly as she melted into the darkness of the night.

~~~​

Even as he rested against the tree, more than an hour later, David still couldn’t believe what had happened. Earlier, his former partner in crime was arrested and thrown in jail, probably never to see the light of day again.

Why did she seem so calm? And why did she tell me to stay away from Headquarters? David thought.

Jen was notorious for never being caught, but she had gone down without a fight. Everything happened so quickly.

It only seemed just yesterday that they were performing their duties as Team Rocket agents. Even when Jen was promoted to Admin, and David remained a Grunt, she was still kind to him.

Most Admins looked down on Grunts and saw them as inferior, but not Jen. Whenever David was picked on for his meekness and small frame, Jen would always scold whoever was picking on him; even Goliath, who was at least four times as big as her, and much stronger. She would then proceed to reprimand David for being so cowardly.

She has been acting strangely for the past few weeks. It’s like she was a totally different person.

Jen seemed to be lost in thought, and was caught off guard on several occasions, something that had never happened before.

She was always quick on the draw, and always noticed someone’s presence. David had constantly wondered if his former partner was a ninja at some point before becoming an agent for Team Rocket.

David didn’t have time to ponder. Now he had get out of the bush he was hiding in and find a safe place to hide out until the coast was clear.
__________

Comments and constructive criticism concerning the plot or word usage as well as predictions (except for BIOMAN, he's not allowed to predict :p) would be greatly appreciated.
 
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BIOMAN

Try me...
Yes I love it. It is a very good start and I PERSONALLY lol can't wait until you finally get to chapter 13 lol.
 

Aura Master

Smell of Success
.its good

everytime some else talks its a NEW paragraph.





HOPE I HELPED
 
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dubiOUS

Well-Known Member
Alas I have finished chapter 1! Buwahaha!

~Chapter 1~​

Smoke rose from the collapsing shell of what was once a proud and imposing workshop of crime and evil. Guns fired as bodies collapsed onto the ground and bullets blasted away at the façade of the former Team Rocket Headquarters. It was Team Rocket’s final stand in Kanto. Many grunts were armed and ready to give their lives to their beloved boss and bide him time to escape with his admins in the swarm of helicopters that droned overhead.

Giovanni leered out of the window of his helicopter and watched his loyal servants die for him. Petty fools he thought as he petted the large purring pet on his lap. In a few hours he would be at his base in the Orange Islands, sipping away at an apple martini and enjoying the fresh breeze of the beach, just out of reach of the Kanto police.

~~~​

3 Weeks Later…

The blaring sound of the ship’s horn echoed throughout the noisy port. People moved to and fro, picking up loved ones in the snow and sending them off on ships; some luxurious, some small and quaint.

Amongst the groups of people was a lone trainer, bundled up in a fringed buckskin jacket and navy blue jeans. She loosened the red scarf around her neck and under her raven hair, kicked the snow with her rugged and worn boots and adjusted her backpack anxiously as she looked around expectantly at the crowd. Finally, she saw who she was looking for and waved wildly as she ran towards them.

“It’s been a while since we last saw you, Talia!” the tall auburn haired boy said to the girl as she approached.

“You sure look spiffy!” the shorter sandy blonde boy added.

“You too,” Talia responded, “so how’s Grandma?”

“She’s all right. She couldn’t make it though” Michael replied.

“She said she had some errands to do and just up and left!” Bobby replied.

“So how’s everything been in Snowpoint since I left?” Talia asked Michael as they walked down a snow-covered beaten path to their house in the shadow of the old temple.

Boooring!” Bobby yelled as he walked ahead of them.

“Nothing much” Michael responded soberly.

Soooo, how is Candice doing?” Talia asked with a drolly expression on her face.

Michael’s face reddened. “She’s fine” he replied stiffly.

“They’re dating!” Bobby piped as he stopped a ways ahead of them and proceeded to sing his rendition of “Michael and Candice sitting in a tree” with all the musical talent of a tone-deaf Exploud. Michael yelled an explicative as he threw a snowball at Bobby and began to chase him around in a comical fashion.

As they proceeded closer to the looming temple, Michael stopped pulling on Bobby’s cheeks, and the trio stopped to stare at the ancient shrine. All was still in the surrounding area in a respectful silence. Up the long and oppressive stairs, the temple guardian stood poised like a statue.

“Man, this place is creepy” Bobby stated morosely.

“It always has been… even when I was a kid.” Talia responded, “Let’s go, it’s starting to snow and I can see the house from here.” The boys snapped out of their somber state and the three started running towards the warm and cozy house, just visible between the trees.
___________

Comments and constructive criticism are greatly appreciated!
 
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BIOMAN

Try me...
Yes I like chapter one. Very well worded and I had a good time reading it. So when is chapter two going to be available? lol
 

dubiOUS

Well-Known Member
Yes I like chapter one. Very well worded and I had a good time reading it. So when is chapter two going to be available? lol

How about now? LOLZ

~Chapter 2~​

Giovanni stood in his office, gazing thoughtfully out of his window at the tropical landscape. Just beyond the thick, lush foliage and tropical fruit trees, he could see the sandy white beach, the waves lapping lazily upon the shore. A large, cougar-like creature lay on a pillow by his master’s side, cleaning itself.

Suddenly, a grunt burst into the office. “Master Giovanni, sir! Admin Shiva has just returned from reconnaissance in the Orre region, and she wants to speak with you!”

“Bring her in.” Giovanni responded absently without tearing his gaze. Garbed in a buttoned up black trench coat and slacks, a tall, slender woman appeared in the doorway holding a folder.

“What have you found?” Giovanni asked softly after the grunt left.

“I have discovered the information you’ve been so diligently seeking on these ‘Shadow Pokémon’, as they’re called.” Shiva responded in a thick Russian dialect.

Giovanni flipped through the folder, pondering the recent happenings. “With Jen’s betrayal, Team Rocket has suffered a serious blow. But with this, we will rise like a phoenix from the ashes and take what is rightfully ours.”

“So you’re still dreaming of world domination? I thought you’d given up on that.” Shiva teased.

“No, I will never give up on that.” Giovanni then barked: “Grunt! Take these files to Namba!”

“Yes sir!” the grunt replied as he entered the room, took the folder and dashed down the hall.

“So would you like to have dinner tonight?” Giovanni asked.

“What about your wife?” Shiva asked seriously.

“What about her?”

~~~​

Professor Namba was a short man in his mid forties with balding spiky hair and a long and dangerously spiky mustache. Though known for his odd appearance and short temper, Namba was a renowned Pokémon behaviorist and researcher.

Before he joined Giovanni’s endeavors, Namba worked for the University of Johto. His method of study, however, was deemed by the Pokémon League to be cruel and unusual, and thus his tenure at the university was revoked, and he was forced to leave in shame.

At the moment, Namba was fiddling with a large mechanical contraption. When an unsuspecting grunt ran into the room, Namba lost his focus and the machine went haywire, firing a laser beam in the grunt’s general vicinity.

Screaming comically, the grunt ducked as the beam hit the wall behind him, melting a large round hole where the grunt’s head would have been. Namba cursed and struck the machine a few times with an oversized wrench.

The machine died down and slumped a little. Namba then turned to the grunt and screamed inaudible profanities at the grunt as he climbed down the ladder and approached him, brandishing his wrench.

“What do you want? Can’t you see that I’m busy?!” Namba shrieked as he gesticulated wildly, the wrench waving dangerously about.

“Sorry sir, but thi-this is f-for you. Giovanni sent me himself.” The grunt stammered nervously.

“Why didn’t you say so in the first place? Give me that!” the professor shouted, snatching the folder from the young man and flipping through it furiously. When he was finished, Namba grinned in a comically fiendish manner and began yelling at his subordinates in the lab.

~~~​

“And when I was heading back home through Mount Coronet, this huge Machamp came out of nowhere! It was all like whoosh! Bam! Pow!” Bobby explained, punching the air wildly, “So I sent out Sunny, and we totally owned it!” he continued, referring to his Skitty, a small red-orange kitten Pokémon sleeping dangerously close to the blazing hearth.

Sunny was Bobby’s pride and joy, due largely to the fact it was shiny, something that he enjoyed gloating about and rubbing into Michael’s face. “I would have caught it too… but it was so scared, it ran away before I could even throw a Pokéball…” Bobby finished mournfully.

“I think the magnetic fields in Mount Coronet messed with your mind, little brother. Are you sure it was a Machamp? Or was it a Chingling?” Michael piped sardonically after taking a sip of cocoa.

“Why do you always treat me like that? You act like you’re so much better than everyone else, ‘cause your girlfriend’s the gym leader.” Bobby shouted angrily as he rose from the couch. Michael stood as well, but was interrupted by Talia.

“You don’t have to be so mean to him, you know” she said to Michael.

“Yeah, well he’s been making up crap like this ever since he got that stupid Skitty. Just because it’s shiny doesn’t mean it’s obscenely powerful!” Michael responded scathingly.

“Why you–” Bobby began, but was interrupted when a sudden noise made everyone jump.

“My, my, I leave for errands and you two are already waking the neighbors with all your shouting!” The elderly woman stated.

The local matriarch of the town, as well as the trio’s grandmother, Flora, better known as Flo, was an expert Grass type coordinator, originally from Pastoria City. But after visiting the small port town of Snowpoint, with its thick blankets of snow and the romantic view of Mount Coronet and Lake Acuity, she retired from training and settled there.

“But we don’t have neighbors for at least a mile away.” Michael responded.
“I know that!” Flora said mindfully.

“Long time no see, Grandma!” Talia replied, giving her grandmother a hug.

“It’s been a long time dear” Flo said as she hugged her granddaughter tightly.
_____________

I greatly appreciate any constructive criticism. Please notify me of any errors you find and I will fix them.
 
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BIOMAN

Try me...
Yes, yes I like it. It is a very well written chapter, but it doesn't do much of anything more than introduce four main characters to the story along with a shiny skitty, lol. It is a very good chapter, but it could still make room for improvements.

Good enough for constructive criticism?
 

#Chimecho#

Truth[N]Love
A cold, lonely place, it had seen more than its share of scum that was guilty of some crime or another.

"that was" should be "who were"

It seems, that she was caught and taken into jail to be interrigated. But somehow, she managed to have evidence and trade away. I thought in interrigation, especially after getting caught, any evidence or anything you have they took away. So I don't understand how she managed the deal when the attourney could have just taken it from her.


Chapter One was awfully short. I believe you could have extended it by a bunch. Nothing seemed to happen. The same goes for chapter two.

The writing you did was fine. But my thoughts are mainely on the length. Although it is okay, since you are the author, you should write more into each scene. It seems like a bunch of mini scenes that leave the reader with almost nothing. We know most of the main characters. Other than that, two chapters in, and we only know them.

I don't know. I just feel you could add much more in depth into each chapter. But, I will read this story for a while. You will probably improve and then it will be interesting.
 

dubiOUS

Well-Known Member
It seems, that she was caught and taken into jail to be interrigated. But somehow, she managed to have evidence and trade away. I thought in interrigation, especially after getting caught, any evidence or anything you have they took away. So I don't understand how she managed the deal when the attourney could have just taken it from her.

To be honest, I didn't really think of that when I wrote it. She's a sneaky ninja I guess...

I'll keep the length and content in mind in future chapters.

Thanks.
 
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