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The Bear, The Bird, and The JRPG Protagonist (Super Smash Bros)


The Ghost Lord
Heyo! This is a short short slice of life story commemorating our two most recent Super Smash Bros DLC characters. It would have been a bit longer but it ended up taking longer than expected, so I tried to get it out of the way. Regardless, I hope you find this to be an amusing little tale.

(Though it's been years since I've played a game in one of the series featured so forgive me if certain peeps sound a bit off):

The Bear, The Bird, and The JRPG Protagonist

The Luminary gazed out upon the wide open ocean from the dock. He idly watched the waves, letting his thoughts drift with them.

Sure he had three other heroes of legend with him. But was he really prepared to join this elite society of Super Smash Brothers? He knew it was full of legendary heroes and even villains - was he even worthy?

It was then he felt a tap on the shoulder.

He whipped around to see a ursine creature with a bird on its back. His first instinct was to whip out his sword, thinking it was a monster. Then recognition dawned on his face.

"You... You were the others..."

"Hiya!" said the bear.

"No need to be so dramatic," said the bird.

"I... I apologize," said the Luminary. "I'm not used to creatures quite like you two."

"I can't tell if you're being insulting or flattering," said the bird.

"Kazooie, be nice!" said the bear. "By the way, I'm Banjo."

"Hello, Banjo, Kazooie," said the Luminary. "You must be the other heroes they recruited to the Smash Bros society."

"Sure are!" said Banjo. "We're pumped!"

"We're gonna catch up on everything we missed and then kick everyone's asses! Including yours!" said Kazooie.

"Wait, catch up?" said the Luminary. "You've met these warriors before?"

"Well," said Banjo, "Some of them. It's a long story. Can we talk about it over pizza or something?"

"Pizza?" said the Luminary.

Kazooie rolled her eyes. "It's a food."

"Oh! Very well then."

Banjo led the Luminnary off.


The three sat at a table outside a small restaurant, Kazooie still in Banjo's backpack. Banjo poured a sizeable amount of honey over a slice of pizza before scarfing it down.

"...That's an interesting meal," said the Luminary.

"More like disgusting," said Kazooie.

"What? It's a combo I discovered in the off years!" said Banjo.

"...Off years?" said the Luminary.

"Oh!" said Banjo. That's what I wanted to tell you about!"

He coughed and cleared his throat.

"See, we used to like hanging out with all of Mario's friends! Link and Fox and Donkey Kong and all... But then something bad happened!"

"How bad?" said the Luminary.

"Very bad. We got bought out by Microsoft!" said Kazooie.

The Luminary tilted his head in confusion.

"Er, Kazooie? I don't think he knows about the Fourth Wall," Banjo says, whispering.

"Oh, my bad, let me give him the dramatic version," said Kazooie.

She turned to the Luminary. "We were screwed over by... The Powers That Be!"

"Powers That Be?" said the Luminary, blinking in suprise. "You mean like... Gods?"

"Ha! The Powers That Be make gods look like quivering worms in comparison!" said Kazooie. They govern all that goes on in the various worlds!"

The Luminary was leaning twoard Kazooie in his seat, fascinated and a little bit horrified. "What did you even do to displease such great and powerful beings?"

"Nothing, that's what!" said Kazooie.

"It was horrible!" said Banjo. We couldn't be friends with Mario and Donkey Kong and their buddies anymore! We could only hang out with Master Cheif and his buddies! Who weren't all that bad granted. But it wasn't the same!"

"More importantly," said Kazooie, "We couldn't get an adventure at all! The only exception was when we were forced into some horrible vehicle-building exercise!"

Now the Luminary just looked horrified. "That sounds awful! I wouldn't want to get stuck in that situation."

"It was and you wouldn't!" said Banjo. "But joining the Smash Brothers finally gives us a new adventure, and one where we can see our old friends again!"

"Plus we can kick their asses!" said Kazooie.

"I'm happy for you two," said the Luminary. "Me, I just got off an adventure so a new one feels... Sudden."

"What kind of adventure?" said Banjo.

"Let me guess it was a dragon quest," said Kazooie.

"Kind of?" said the Luminary. It all started when I turned 16..."

The Luminary then transitioned into a long-winded tale about a band of misfits and Yggdrasil and, yes, dragons. Banjo and Kazooie sat and listened, eating popcorn they had mysteriously procured out of nowhere. Once Luminary was done, Banjo applauded.

"That was awesome! A good tale!"

"Seems like standard JRPG fare but I kinda like it," said Kazooie.

"Standard what?" said the Luminary.

"Oh nothing you'd understand, kid," said Kazooie.

The Luminary blinked. "Okay then."

Banjo looked down. Both the honey and pizza were gone. "You guys want to do something else?"

"Certainly," said the Luminary.

"But what?" said Kazooie.

Banjo thought and thought and thought some more. Then a look of realization came to his face.

"I have an idea!"


The three were standing (well sorta in Kazooie's case as she was still in Banjo's backpack) on a large platform, on opposite ends. The Luminary was eyeing Banjo and Kazooie warily.

"...You want me to hit you?"

"Yeah! As hard as you can! It's good practice for the Smash Brothers society!" said Banjo.

"Give us your worst! That sword of yours probably couldn't even open up a tuna can!" said Kazooie.

The Luminary sighed and charged toward them, swinging his sword as soon as he got close. Immediately Banjo countered with claw strikes, the two sharp objects clanging together. Eventually the Luminary started pushing Banjo back, toward the edge. Banjo flailed, was about to fall off-

Only for Kazooie to push him back upward and for him to strike Luminary dead in the face, sendig him flying back and sprawling. The Luminary immediately got up and sent a blast of fire Banjo and Kazooie's way. Banjo and Kazooie, however, seemed to charge right through it, knocking the Luminary straight off the platform and sending him tumbling down to the ground with a thud.


Banjo and Kazooie landed far more gracefully next to him.

"You OK kid?" said Banjo.

"He'll live," said Kazooie. "He said he's survived worse."

"I have," said the Luminary, getting up. "But... But I'm suddenly worried about the Smash Brothers."

"Eh? Whaddya mean?" said Banjo.

"The Smash Brothers... Including you... They all are from various different worlds... Have powers and tricks I can't possibly fathom... I'm having a hard time even with the other Heroes going with me! How can I hope to compete? I mean you two - you two took on the Powers That Be and lived!"

Kazooie snickered at the last sentence, but Banjo nudged her and she fell silent.

"Look, look, kid - the way I see it, Smash isn't... about winning," said Banjo.

"...It's... It's not?" said the Luminary.

"No! It's... it's about everyone being all together! Like you get to be with the other heroes and we get to see our old Nintendo friends again!"

"You're pulling this out of your rear, aren't you?" said Kazooie, whispering to Banjo.

"I might be but it just might work!" said Banjo, whispering back.

Indeed, the Luminary was furrowing his brow and rubbing his chin.

"You're right... I... we... are going to meet so many different people... That's going to be an adventure in and of itself...."

"See! Told you!" said Banjo.

"Speaking of meeting people... When do you and your buddies head off to meet everybody else?" said Kazooie.

"It's... actually, the invitation said tomorrow," said the Luminary.

"Tomorrow?" said Banjo. "Aw man we don't get to go until -"

A passing seagull squawked very loudly.

"Oh, that's too bad..." said the Luminary.

"We'll see you again when we get there at least," said Kazooie.

"Can... Can we at least send you off?" said Banjo.

The Luminary smiled.

"You sure can."


The next day, the Luminary and the three other Heroes with him were standing in front of a portal by the seaside. The Luminary turned back to Banjo and Kazooie, who gave him a thumbs up.

"See you on the other side!" said Banjo.

"Don't die!" said Kazooie.

The Luminary simply smiled, then turned and walked through the portal with his companions as it closed.

"I'm gonna miss him till we get there," said Banjo.

"He's a good kid," said Kazooie.

There was a pause.

"...We're still allowed to kick his ass when we get there right?" said Kazooie.

"Of course!" said Banjo. "All part of the fun."