The begining of my story!

[Naetoru & Stitch]

Master of Light presents REVISED!
A Pokemon Feature:

Maxie, Leader of Team Magma



Note: I will be using people from the games: Red, Blue, Yellow, Gold, Silver, Crystal, Ruby, Sapphire, and Emerald.



Proluge



Maxie is currently the leader of Team Magma, against his rival, Archie leader of Team Aqua. Maxie has a history of his Pokemon. He has a Blaziken, his best partner. He had got a Torchic from the wild, and trained it to become a Combusken, and then, Blaziken. Where the Magma Base is located, is where he got Torchic. Now, he became leader of the Team, and was beaten by two kids, Brandon and May. He begins to show his true power, and having a war against Archie and Team Aqua, who too, was defeated by Brandon and May, and is back in action. Maxie’s goal is to defeat Archie, take over Team Aqua to Team Magma, become powerful, and defeat who are now champions, May and Brandon. Maxie had to leave the base, and with the Team Magma members scattered, he searches for 2 to join a group, and battles to get stronger from gyms and the Battle Fronier. His journey begins in a place named Coarsest, the new region of Pokemon after Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, and Orra.








I need help getting ideas how to update the story as well!!!

 

[Pinecone Tortoise]

Mmm, well I've not played the gamecube games, but I'm vaguely familiar with the characters. And your idea is quite original - so bonus points there - but why would Maxie need to collect the badges? If he's the current leader of Team Magma, wouldn't that mean he'd HAVE to be either stronger or smarter than the rest or he'd have been replaced? Why would he need the badges?

This isn't saying that there AREN'T reasons he'd want the badgers - just that you need to explain them. For example, if he's doing it to get a better understanding of the Gym Leader's battling strategies so he'll know how to defeat them when the time comes, that's fine. If he's doing it to test his own strength against the best there is, that's fine too. If he's doing it cause he's insecure as leader and needs a physical reassurance of his strength and right to lead Magma, that's also fine. If he's doing cause *insert reason here* fine - but whatever the reason, let your readers know!

Also, you say that Maxie has part of his team left - is that his pokemon team or Team Magma? And what does it mean when you say his goal is to become a "good guy"? That's a very generic goal and isn't always interpreted the same way by different people.

And new regions you say? Well that sounds fun! Be sure to give your readers plenty of atmosphere so they can really get a feeling for the place. When you stray from the canon, it gives you a lot of freedom to use your creativity, but it also means you can't fall back on the canon descriptions and knowlege about places and people - you need to supply your own. But yeah, new regions can be fantastic. Will there be new pokemon with that?

Also, I understand that this is the prologue and so oodles of description might not be appropriate here, but remember that in normal chapters it's needed to add depth and vitality and realism to the story so don't forget to put it in in future chapters. (Remember, too, that chapters are required by the rules to be at least a page in Word and can be closed for breaking the rules if they don't meet that requirement.)

Another point - try putting the actual words instead of numbers (as in 'two' instead of '2'). Doing that makes your story look much more professional.

With regards to your final comment asking for help to update, you simply put the next chapters in the reply box to this thread. If you're meaning ideas for writing the story, those have to come from you. But I can suggest you simply spend some time thinking about how and why Maxie's journey would go the way it would. Think about things like realism and what troubles he would face along the way. Where would his income come from? Would he be undertaking the journey alone or with company - if with company, who? How would each of his pokemon feel about being thrust into a new lifestyle? How would Maxie remain incognito - or does he WANT to be recognised? These are just a few thoughts that you'll need to consider for each stage of his journey as I doubt the answers to each fo them would remain static throughout such a journey.

Anyways, there's not a lot more I can say about this, so I'll wish you good luck and fun with the future chapters.

Piney.
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[Naetoru & Stitch]

Thanks so much for the advice. I'm looking for editers. Would you like to be one!
I put the username of the person in my sig!

 

[Pinecone Tortoise]

Thanks so much for the advice. I'm looking for editers. Would you like to be one!
I put the username of the person in my sig!

If you need an editor, sure. ...Um, I do have a lot on my plate at the moment, but if you don't mind erratic response times, I'll probably be able to help you. ^^

Piney.
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