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The Beta House: Redux

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purple_drake

E/GL obsessed
Ah, I'm so sorry, guys. >.< I was finishing the Uni semester, which meant a ton of work, and then I was job-searching, and on top of them I had the nerve to get the flu. Upshot is, I forgot about the Beta House for a while. >.< Gawd, I'm so slow.

IC Ghost, you're accepted, and welcome aboard. ^^

Eclipse, you've been added to the list, although the rules state that any samples need to be at least four paragraphs long, so it would be nice if you could edit that sometime.

The silver houndoom, you're fine! ^^ Thanks!

I thought Fandom and Genre are the same?
I was about to put Fandom and Genre the same as Pokemon OT fic... now I am confused and can't apply

also, I don't really know which excerpt to select from my current production... /help!

And another thing, I can't seem to summarize my story... of how it will turn out...
I am terrible. X_X

Nope, a fandom is what world the story is set in--like Pokemon or Naruto. Genre is what kind of story it is--adventure, romance, and so on. So going by what you just said there, your fic's genre would be OT, and your fic's fandom is Pokemon. See?

Well, perhaps pick an excerpt of something you need help with; that way your mentor will know what to expect.

I can't help you much with your summary, but it doesn't need to be long--just the basic idea of what it's about, maybe (if you want) with a few of the major plot points. Take a look at some of the other people applying and see what they've done; I'm sure you'll figure it out. I sympathise, though--sometimes it can be really hard to describe your story in just a few sentences.

Good luck, everyone!
 

Crystal Hikara

Your Local Art Nab
Story title: Enigmatic Star
Fandom: Pokemon
Plot summary: Asa's a normal, bubble-headed human girl until she is brought to the realm of Pokemon where humans are myths and disasters take lives. Can she, with her longtime friend Breeze, whom was transported with her, clear the mystery of a curse and a gift from the past?
Genre: Mystery / Adventure
Rating: PG
Mentor needed: Comprehensive Mentor
Prior writing experience: Uh...good question. 6 years seriously writing stories, I guess...?
Writing sample: (Courtesy copy-pasta from ES chap. 1)
“Relax, relax! Your ‘Run Away’ ability is probably kicking in because you’re wounded!” Run Away ability?! What does she… Tensing up, Asa attempted to push herself to her feet, only to realize just how awkward it felt to stand on two feet, let alone notice her legs felt as though they were reversed. No…no! This can’t be… Returning to her hands, she gazed down in horror to see that what she believed to be hands were now delicate paws covered in a magenta-tinted brown fur. Hastily she turned her head about, making out her lower body. It too was covered in the soft fur of the same color, tipped with cream markings on…her tail? As though to see if it was her own, she forced her bottom to wag; along with the bizarre motion, the appendage whipped about likewise, then returned to in between her hind legs. Eyes still growing in terror, her head lashed from side to side, searching for some sort of reflective thing or another. At the sight of water, she wasted no time in galloping off as fast as her new feet would carry her. Without a glance, she stuck her entire head into the water. Sharp, bitter coldness bit at her skin underneath the fur, seeping chilly poison into her body. She yanked her head out from the water, panting and choking as her head dizzily spun, and the water rippled to smoothness once more.

Her eyes gazed back, small and endlessly, though not her own. Though they retained their hazel hue, they belonged not to the human Asa, but to some foreign Eevee that just couldn’t have been her own eyes. She felt ears pin back against her skull as she backed away from the water, though her duplicate Eevee followed suite. The fire bird slowly questioned her actions.

“Jeez, did you hit your head too hard or something there, miss Eev-”

“I can’t be an Eevee! Go away!” Asa screeched, creamy mane fur catching in the wind wickedly as she sprinted away. Still feeling unnatural on all four legs, she attempted to rise to two, but once more she stumbled about and fell. The transformed human rose to her feet all too quickly and dashed off again.

“Hey, wait! That leads to the Tiny Woods!” the Torchic called from behind, talons carrying her in pursuit.

Why? Why is this happening? I can’t remember a thing! I remember being a human, but beyond that I can’t remember anything! Asa heaved a series of heavy breaths as she attempted to outrun the fire type. Why can’t I remember anything?! I can only remember my name! Why? Why?! This has to be a dream! It has to be! I want to be back home as a human with whoever I lived with! This just can’t be happening!

Just gazing at the ground rushing beneath her feet with wetness clouding her vision, Asa’s heart nearly failed as she felt a scaly something bump against her smooth coat. Scattering back, she paused only a moment to say ‘sorry’ before finding some other detour to take.

Blech, not the best part of my writing. Not the worst either, but it'll do.
 
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purple_drake

E/GL obsessed
That's fine, poke poke, thanks for letting me know. ^^

You've been added to the list, Crystal Hikara, although samples are supposed to be at least four paragraphs long, so it'd be nice if you could edit that in sometime. ^^ Thanks, and good luck!
 

Falthor

The Magma Incarnate
Story title: Tarnished Scars: The Epic øf Thatcher Greslin
Fandom (preferably pokémon): Indeed it is!
Plot summary: Read the Førewørd in the preview I will provide in a little while
Genre: Action, OT, and some Fantasy.
Rating: For Mature Audiences: PG-15?
Mentor needed: One who can overview fics, fine-tune everything, make sure I'm on the right track. Even "experienced" writers such as myself still need guidance. Remember, all you who sojourn here, the first rule of English: REVISION, REVISION, REVISION!!!
Prior writing experience: Four incomplete fics: Life of a Trainer, Tarnished Scars (The Original), Bloody Turmoil, Din.
Preferred mentor (optional): A good one.
Writing sample (optional, but expected): The Preview, located here
 

Literate

black cat, black cat
I thought I'd just post to say that I've updated my email to ara.shi@yahoo.com. And I'm still in this. XD

However, can I pull my fic out of the beta house? I don't think I'll need to beta it... since I'm not writing it anyway...

-sweatdrops-
 

shon_taylor

ican has cheezburger
Story title:Reaching for the Stars
Fandom (preferably pokémon):pokemon
Plot summary: That's really what I need help on
Genre: Journey Fic
Rating: I guess I'll just put PG-13
Mentor needed:Comprehensive mentor
Prior writing experience: i used to write stories all the time when i was little

Help please :(
 

SaigoKarasu

Rising Trainer
Story title: The Good Left Undone
Fandom: Pokemon
Plot summary: Dawn holds the key to his future. Forced to obey his abusive father with a knife held under his throat, Rio must protect her from Cyrus and track down the remnants of Team Galactic and unviel what truly happened on Mount Coronet and the truth about AEGIS.

Genre: Drama
Rating: PG-13
Mentor needed: Someone who could help me with the imperfections and the pacing. I'm trying to fine-tune it as much as possible. I feel rather good about this chapter, but I feel the next chapters which I am working on will need plenty of editing. I need a mentor who can help me bring out the best and help me improve the grammar, judge whether it's going to fast or to slow, improve the flow of the sentences, etc. A comprehensive mentor would indeed be wonderful.
Prior writing experience: I've probably started taking writing seriously ever since I was accepted into a Writer's Conference when I was a Freshman in High School where nearly all of the students where Juniors and Seniors. Unfinished stories (original) include Angel of the Pariahs, Sinners of Zarvana, and The Devil's Whisperer.
Writing sample (optional, but expected):


Rio stood over the ledge of the building, eyeing the ghetto of Sunny shore City for the first time. The boy drew out his PC Portable and cycled through his data files. He opened the folder of the person who was his only link to Cyrus and the remnants of Team Galactic. This girl defeated the Team Galactic leader and his Commanders on top of Mount Coronet; she, somehow, surived the onslaught of Giratina as nearly half of AEGIS and their Pokemon laid dead on top of Mount Coronet; she, undoubtebly, knew how Cyrus escaped from them as they flanked every tunnel and passageway in the moutain.

Her name’s Dawn Berlitz, and she’s only eleven years old.

She knows what happened, Rio thought. ‘I’m sure of it, but I can’t go up to her. I can’t jeopardize the mission or he’ll never-’

A loud crash echoed in the distance, and Rio turned his head to see a Jolteon leap onto the garbage lid and vault off in one fell swoop, bounce off the frayed mattress in the narrow alley. The Jolteon ran across the crumbling brick wall, hurdling towards the edge of the rooftop where Rio stood. Her chest collided into a protuberance, quickly slipping over the edge. As the Lightning Pokémon scraped and flailed her hind legs against the brick architecture for support, Rio picked up his lemon yellow-furred friend and wrapped his arms underneath her, holding the Jolteon against his warm body as he gave her a congratulatory scratch behind the ears. The spiky yellow fur unravelled as she retracted the negative ions from her mane, leaving her fur silky-smooth for her master’s touch.

Rio chuckled. She’s going to kill her poor self being so reckless, he thought.

“How’s my favorite girl in the whole wide world?” Rio said, beaming from having his best friend come back from a job well done. “Were you able to find her?”

The Jolteon nodded.

He set the Jolteon down and began to massage her with slow, soothing strokes from head to back, repeating “good girl” tenderly into her ears. Eager for her master’s care, she rolled over on her back. Rio then began to rub the eager Pokemon’s tummy. He beamed as Elyse squirmed about in delight like an infant being adored by her doting parents. He wished Elyse would be this affectionate around others. Maybe then they wouldn’t see her as such a pain in the *** to deal with.

Rio pulled his hand away. “I’m sorry Elyse, but could you let me see where she went?” Elyse nodded. Rio placed his index and middle fingers between his own eyes.

The Jolteon knew what was coming and rolled over on her stomach and lifted her muzzle. Rio placed the fingers on his other hand between her luminous scarlet eyes as the modus operandi decreed.

The slender youth delved deep within the confines of his best friend’s mind, flying straight through the chaotic light show of the neural oscillations and plunged his apparition into Elyse’s memory banks. He didn’t need to perform a transfer. He just needed to search for the most recent of memories.
 
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purple_drake

E/GL obsessed
You're fine, Crystal Hikara, thanks!

And you're all updated now, Literate, thanks for letting me know of the change. :p Glad to see you're still around.

Falthor, I'm sorry, I thought I'd PMed you long ago about a slight issue with your application--obviously I've gotten confused. Unfortunately I'm going on holidays tomorrow for about a week and I'd prefer to get this updated now, so I hope you don't mind if I make an assumption. >.< I've put you on the list, but I wasn't sure what kind of mentor you wanted; I put you down as needing a comprehensive mentor or--since you seem to be fairly experienced--a proofreader. If neither of them are correct, don't hesitate to tell me.

shon_taylor, SaigoKarasu, you've both been added to the list. Thanks and good luck!
 

storymasterb

Knight of RPGs
Story title: The Legends Of Hoenn
Fandom: Pokemon
Plot summary: Brendan, May and Tyson are three kids starting their Pokemon journeys. By Journeys End they will have met the Legendary Pokemon of the Hoenn region, fought against Teams Magma, Aqua and Stratos. Finally they will face the Pokemon league (for Brendan), the Grand Festival (for May) and Tyson will face his inheritence...

Genre: Adventure
Rating: Pg-13

Mentor needed: I need to work on my characters emotions, as well as using more description.
Prior writing experience: several unfinished fics, plus one I am writing alongside this one. Unfininshed ones include: Master islands part one: Fire and Pokemon Sinnoh Legends part one: Time, Space and Creation. Other fic being written at the moment: Journey of a Champion: anger of a Legend.

Writing sample:“Tree, Treecko,” it said, staring into the Mightyenas eyes. The Poochyena backed off, intimidated by the glare, but Mightyena stood firm. May and Tyson ran up and grabbed the other Pokeballs from Brendan before throwing them. Mays Pokeball released a small orange bird. A crest of three feathers decorated its head and it had small black eyes. Tyson’s Pokeball released a blue four legged Pokemon with a fin on its head. It had orange cheeks and a blue fin for a tail.

“Torchic,” the chicken said.

“Mudkip,” the fish said happily. Treecko ignored the other two Pokemon and leapt at Mightyena, a glowing green blade extending from its arm. It brought the weapon down on Mightyena’s head.

“That’s Leaf Blade!” Birch exclaimed “a Treecko shouldn’t know that.” Treecko brought the Leaf Blade down on Mightyena’s skull again, but then Mightyena grabbed its arm with a Bite attack. Treecko tried not to show its pain, but failed. Mightyena bit down harder and Treecko screamed. Then Torchic leapt up and slashed Mightyena across the face with a Scratch attack. The wolf dropped Treecko and glared at Torchic before running at it. Brendan ran towards the badly injured Treecko and picked it up. Its arm was bleeding badly and blood soaked into Brendan’s shirt. He didn’t care. All that mattered to him was the small injured lizard cradled in his arms.

“Torchic, use Scratch!” May yelled. Brendan heard the words as if May was miles away. He tore a strip of cloth from his shirt and crudely bandaged Treeckos wounds. The Pokemon looked up at him and Brendan knew that if Treecko survived he would have it as his starter.

“Mightyena!” Mightyena screamed, a ball of orange energy building up in its mouth. Torchic and Mudkip leapt at Mightyena, trying to distract it before it fired the Hyper Beam. All they did was change the target. When the attack fired it hit a tree behind Brendan and the ancient tree started falling towards Brendan. He didn’t see it and Mays shouted warnings came too late. But Treecko saw the tree falling towards the boy who had cared for it. Treecko leapt up and pushed Brendan as hard as it could before leaping out of the way itself. The tree crashed down between them. Treecko turned and glared at Mightyena. Then a curious thing happened. A green light surrounded Treecko. Its bruises and cuts healed instantly and the lizard stood with renewed strength. It leapt at Mightyena, preparing its Leaf Blade. The attack slammed into Mightyenas skull for the third time and it was followed by Treeckos other arm slamming a glowing fist into Mightyena. The wolf collapsed.

“How did you do that?” Brendan asked, his voice filled with awe. Treecko shrugged. Apparently it didn’t know either.

“That was the most amazing battle I’ve seen from a beginning trainer ever,” Birch said excitedly “I think we can skip the written exam, you’ve already proven yourselves more capably than anyone I’ve ever seen.” He fumbled around in the bag for something. When his hand emerged it was holding three plastic rectangles. Brendan knew what they were a few seconds before the professor announced it.

“These are your Pokedexes, the high tech computers with information on all Pokemon in this region. When you encounter a Pokemon its data will show up on this screen,” Birch said, opening the Pokedex to show them the screen.

“In addition a record is kept of the Pokemon you have seen and caught. This will allow me to track your progress. The Pokedex is also your trainer license. If asked for identification just show them this screen.” Birch pressed a button on the Pokedex and the screen showed a blank form. It would be filled in when they registered. Birch handed out the Pokedexes as well as giving each of them five empty Pokeballs.

“I’m glad I didn’t grab an empty ball,” Brendan said.

“Yes, that would have spoiled beating Mightyena,” Birch remarked.
 

purple_drake

E/GL obsessed
jubilife: All the information you need is in the first post. Please read it before posting again.

storymasterb, you're on the list. ^^ Good luck!

oRaNgE~1337, thanks for the heads up. ^^ All updated now.
 

Falthor

The Magma Incarnate
Falthor, I'm sorry, I thought I'd PMed you long ago about a slight issue with your application--obviously I've gotten confused. Unfortunately I'm going on holidays tomorrow for about a week and I'd prefer to get this updated now, so I hope you don't mind if I make an assumption. >.< I've put you on the list, but I wasn't sure what kind of mentor you wanted; I put you down as needing a comprehensive mentor or--since you seem to be fairly experienced--a proofreader. If neither of them are correct, don't hesitate to tell me.

Hm, after going on a few other forums posting this and receiving negative, but more constructive criticism, I feel that I shall turn to them for assistance. But for those here who actually have had major experience in writing, I hope that I could definitely find a mentor who could show me everything about fiction. I was told that my writing about emotions was definitely weak and that it needed to be improved. My description was too overtly used and that it drew away from the effect that the prose was trying to create. With the criticism, I managed to hit yet another Writer's Block. And with that, I hope you could find the right category to file me under. If any of you are willing to help me, I am more than willing to accept your aid. I especially hope some particular individuals could help me out with my writing.
 

purple_drake

E/GL obsessed
Falthor: Alrighty then, I'll put you as wanting a comprehensive mentor (for the 'show me everything about fiction' part) or a character (for working on emotions) and a language (for description) mentor.

EVERYONE: I'm going to be saying this in the first post as well, to pick up those who don't read the final posts of the thread, but--I've been noticing a trend when people apply for mentors.

Under the 'mentor needed' section, people have been saying what areas they're weak in, in terms of writing. To be honest, this isn't helpful; in fact, usually it ends up being so vague that I'm not sure what kind of mentor the applicant needs. The only thing you need to say to answer this section is 'comprehensive mentor' or 'character mentor' or whatever kind of mentor you want; I don't need a list of ways in which you need help, and really, it's probably harder for you to write that than three or four words. You should know better than I what kind of help you need, and you'll be able to discuss it in detail with your mentor later; please, don't rely on me to try and read your mind.

If you don't know what kinds of mentors there are, there's a list and description on the first page, so there's no reason for anyone to be confused.
 

Phantom Gardevoir

Alphonse's Wifey XD
Story title: The Waltz of the Thorned Rose
Fandom (preferably pokémon): Pokemon, my first.
Plot summary: After abandoned twice in his lifetime, Kaytorin, a cheerful yet scarred Raichu, sets off to find a place to call home and in the process, encounters a friend and dangerous adversaries.
Genre: Angst/Adventure.
Rating: PG-15 for violence and swearing.
Mentor needed: Description mentor. Also something for character building....
Prior writing experience: Fanfiction.net, but with different fandoms. (Fullmetal Alchemist, mostly, and also Avatar: The Last Airbender).
Preferred mentor (optional): Just someone who can help me describe settings and appearances much better.
Writing sample (optional, but expected): Here's the sample:

It was an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy. The parents of the young infant absolutely refused to raise him, and since their parents absolutely forbade them to kill the infant, Kaytorin was born, named, and then abandoned.

Almost the instant after Kaytorin was born, the umbilical cord cut from his unnamed mother, the new grandparents each worked together to find not only a suitable name for him, but also a suitable place to dump him.

And what better than the electrical capital of Hoenn, Mauville City.

Not a single pedestrian looked at the seven to ten electric rodents as they passed, running quickly with the bundle of blood and tender flesh. None of the rodents dared to look at the wailing infant; they knew if they did, they wouldn't be able to go through with the abandonment.

Kaytorin was left to die in an old dumpster, way in the back of the longest and darkest alleyway by the center of Mauville.

Like typical guilty criminals, the grandparents convinced themselves he wouldn't have lived anyway. He was born too small, too sickly. The baby named Kaytorin wouldn't even last an hour.

Kaytorin was born small, indeed. He was as tiny as a pebble, or at least the width of a human's palm. Tiny ears, meant to be yellow like the rest of his skin, only red and sore from swimmer's ear. Black fur aligned the tips of his ears and covered his tiny, pointed tail, and also created a collar around his neck. Beady, onyx eyes, flooded with tears and no one to comfort him. His pink cheeks were pinker due to his wailing, and his tiny mouth only had one tooth in it.

Kaytorin's parents couldn't care less. They were young, naive, and selfish. What mattered was that the mother got knocked up and actually had a hell of a good time doing it. They didn't care if they didn't see their child again.

I also have a question: do mentorees contact mentors if they want them to beta them? Or do mentors contact mentorees....? Just asking.
 
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Ysavvryl

Pokedex Researcher
I'll help out as a mentor.

Category: Comprehensive, Plot, Character
Genre specialty (if any): Fantasy/Sci-fi
Method of contact: PM
Proofreader (yes/no): yes
Samples: This should be my Pokedex One-shots, which is a collection of short stories. Will that suffice?
http://www.serebiiforums.com/showthread.php?t=337927

Note-I’m not good with coding, so I'm very sorry if the link's bad.
 

Libie

Well-Known Member
I'd really really appreciate a beta, thanks! My fic needs help lol xD

Story title Endgame
Fandom Pokemon
Plot summary Emmy's brother Jack is entwined in a plot greater than anyone could imagine...
Genre General/Adventure/Drama?
Rating Probably PG13, just in case
Mentor needed Dialogue, plot, proofreader
Prior writing experience Many unfinished fics
Writing sample Samples of the fic can be found here.

Thank you!
 

Night_Umbreon

Oh god! The imagery!
Could I be removed from the list please? As I haven't heard anything in 3 months and Trainers of Kanto is dead due to that lag.
 
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