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The Beta House: Redux

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The Magma Incarnate
The mentor you asked for would let you know that he is willing to help you out.

Secondly, considering that I'm not at the present moment working on the novel Tarnished Scars: The Epic of Thatcher Greslin, feel free to take my name and my work off of the list. Thanks.


E/GL obsessed
Okay, I've asked Psychic to edit the thread but apparently the Beta House doesn't like her either. As of now, the first post is un-updated, but I'm keeping records of the changes in Word; as soon as the forum lets me I'll update it properly.

pokeking325: That's fine. ^^ If you want, you can PM Ysavvryl to see if they're willing, rather than waiting and hoping they'll see your preference. I'd recommend editing your initial application post to reflect your changes, since that's where the mentors will go to see your information.



extra toasty
Hi there.

It's me :D

You can take me off of the list whenever it lets you update. Sorry I kind of applied and am now saying I don't need a Beta. I found one myself, so I don;t really need to be on the list anymore :)




E/GL obsessed
pokeking325: If you've sent a PM you don't need to check back here; they'll get in touch with you outside of the Beta House. Really you only need to check back to tell me if they've agreed to mentor you, if they don't beat you to it. ;)

Buraddo_Aipom: No problem. ^^ Glad you found someone to help; this thread is pretty under-staffed. >.<



E/GL obsessed
Thanks, pokeking. ^^

And now I'm happy to say we're all updated again. ^__^ Massive thanks to bobandbill for his help with figuring out and solving the problem.


~ ♥ ~
Been meaning to do this for a while now, but I'm no longer mentoring poke poke, and could you set my status to closed? I'm really busy with finals and school stuff and I can't really have anyone asking me to help, much as I'd love to. ^-^; I'll reopen during my break, hopefully.


Searching for a beta! I haven't gotten the next chapter of my 'fic finished yet, but I'd like to have one by the time I do~

Story title : The Promise of the World

Fandom : Pokemon

Plot summary :

Something terrible has been released from the Hoenn desert.
It is headed straight for the region of Ariellan. Lein Aster, a mediocre
trainer, was not chosen to fight this atrocity. He is merely trying
to survive it. But, what is the promise of the world?

Genre : OT, but not necessarily a journey 'fic.

Rating : PG-15

Mentor needed : Proofreader and/or fluency.

Prior writing experience : I've written plenty for school, though admittedly this only my second fanfic.

Preferred mentor : None~

Writing sample :

The sky over Ariellan is starless on this brisk fall night. The grassy hills sway in time to the wind's breath, to and fro, cresting like the ocean waves. The only sign of life on this bleak landscape is a cluster of lights, nestled at the base of a massive twisted tree, easily taller than one of the towering skyscrapers Saffron is so fond of. As it is the season of autumn, the tree peppers the ground with earth-toned leaves which catch the moonlight as they pivot and twirl, like dancing stars.

The view sways across the tall fields, converging on the smattering of lights- a small town called Lancass.

The very edge of it is dark, illuminated only by the brimming full moon, but it is enough for the farm children of Lancass to see by. This corner of the town houses only a sprawling, dilapidated building known to the children just as 'the old hospital', and then only in whispers. It is your typical haunted building, an old wooden thing long past its days of usefulness. It tilts just slightly, and sags at the edges, and these days the only thing keeping it erect is the sentimentality of the elderly. There is a just-as-old fence enclosing it and at this moment, five children are perched on it. One of them is motioning toward the single wooden spire on the far end of the building, like a jagged splinter, and its half-moon shaped window.

"That one, the little half-circle," the child says boldly, "And then come right back down. Okay?" He turns to face a much smaller boy.

"Why can't I go to one of the other ones? On the first floor?" The dark-haired boy replies in a quiet voice.

"Be-cause," a girl drawls, rolling her eyes, "You lost the fight, stupid! Don't be a scaredy-cat, Lame-a**ter!"

The small boy flushes with embarrassment as the others titter. "My name's Lein Aster, and I never said I wasn't gonna do it!" he nearly shouts, sliding off of the fence in a huff.

"Then go already, jeez! Mars wasn't so slow!" the larger boy jeers, giving Lein a light kick between the shoulder blades from his perch. Lein stumbles, but manages to catch himself.

"You're the stupid ones! And there's no such thing as ghosts!" And before they can reply, he dashes toward the building. He pauses at the entrance, a large white double door with cracked paint and, pursing his lips, shoves it open. It's less resistant than he expects and he tumbles forward, landing hard on the dusty wooden floor and ignoring the snickering and cat-calls from behind him.

Lein stifles a cough as he takes a breath full of dust, and immediately wishes that his pokemon was there with him. His eyes adjust to the darkness and the haze and directly ahead he sees dark room full of what looks like towering white ghosts. His breath catches before he realizes that they're just furniture draped in aged white sheets, though he would swear that some of them shimmered unnaturally once or twice. He swallows and tiptoes over, touching one tentatively to make sure. He finally dares to tear his eyes away from the eerie scene- a lobby, most likely- and scans the area hopefully for a way to the upper floors. Aw, no...

He is crestfallen as his eyes come upon the old grand staircase- ornate, certainly, for a hospital- as there is a gaping hole in the middle of it. The roof appears to have caved in overhead. Lein runs a hand anxiously through his hair and chances a glance back toward the entrance. No, he certainly can't go back out there with such a lame excuse after only a few minutes. There must be another way up. He slowly picks his way through the lobby, and then into a long shadowy corridor lined with hospital rooms. He trains his gaze forward.

There is no such thing as ghosts, and there are no dead bodies, not even in a hospital.

EDIT: Got a beta, thanks #Chimecho#!
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Friends are Diamonds
Okay this is my first time at the Beta House so bear with me people.
Also my fic has had already two editors/beta's yet they quit since school was getting harder for them. So now I'm here searching for a new beta :3 (I was told to go here by my editor psyrose and my friend Yami Ryu)

Story title: May's Johto Grand Festival
Fandom (preferably pokémon): A Pokemon romance meets adventure
Plot summary: It's all about May (Hakura in Jap) who has finally got all five of here ribbons and is now able to enter the Grand Festival in Johto. With old friends as Drew, Soledad and Harley are entering the festival you know it's going to be hard for May to win it. They're so many new pokemon the gang have and that means new evolutions too. With love around the corner, May admits who she really loves yet she has three people to choose from!
Genre: Adventure/Comedy/Romance
Rating: PG/ PG-13 (So making out)
Mentor needed: For everything editing, making the sentences way better and all that stuff.
Prior writing experience: I writing some books for school, writing one fic of Harry Potter (Albus Potter and The Potion of Love) and of course the fic I'm working on right now May's Johto Grand Festival Adventure.
Preferred mentor (optional): Ether EmberGryphon or purple_drake
Writing sample (optional, but expected): Umm here is abit from Chapter 4: Let The Festival Begin!

After awaiting almost a year May, Drew, Harley, Soledad and many other contestants are finally able to enter the Johto Grand Festival in New Bark Town.

It was a cool spring morning; May is fast asleep in her hotel room, with her window wide open with the sun's rays shinning through directly onto her face. The light was all she needed to wake up, as if the excitement of the festival wasn't enough. She sat up and stretched for the sky before falling back down to her fluffy mound of pillows. Being careful not to wake Max, she tip toed over to the window to see a beautiful clear sky, which then was filled by a group of whistling Hoothoot’s.

Leaning on the windowsill, she sighed, “What a wonderful day.” A small creak of a door opening caught May's attention. She walked over to her parents room where through the ajar door, she could still see her mother, Caroline was still hard at work on her dress. The skirt of the dress was flowing off the edge of the desk and was gracefully descending to the floor. She stretched her neck to see a better view of her mother's work. From what she could see, it was an almost an exact replica of the dress she wore to meet the Aura Guardian, Lucario. Which was extremely impressive, considering that the only thing she was building the dress from was description from May, who's own memory of it was a little shaky.

Her mother fell back in her chair with a thump, then stood up held the dress at arms length and examined it up and down. The first real view of the dress was spectacular; every piece of bright magenta fabric had a stubble glimmer to it, with went perfectly with uplifting red fabric layered underneath it. Caroline gingerly laid it back on the desk and wrapped the cropped white jacket, which had bright yellow accent at the neck bow around it and looked at it from all angles.

Pokemon Elite

Pokemon Elite master
Pokemon Elite Journey Help

I just made my own new Pokemon Fanfic, called Pokemon Elite Journey.Can someone please help me, because some don't agree to like it.Ok the plot seems simple, but I need it to be a little more difficult.Someone please help me out on it ok.And help me correct my grammar mistakes bye;)


E/GL obsessed
Estuary: Glad you managed to find a beta so quickly! ^^ Can I assume you don't need to be added to the list anymore? If you still want to be, I can put you there.

DanChimchar: I'm gong to assume you just want a comprehensive mentor, since that wasn't completely clear. If I'm wrong, don't hesitate to tell me and I'll fix it.

Otherwise, I'm not actually a mentor myself, though the assumption is understandable; feel free to PM EmberGryphon about it, though. Added to the list, and good luck~

Pokemon Elite: You need to fill out the form provided on the first post. Please read the rules before posting again.


Applying as a mentor:

Category: Comprehensive

Genre specialty: Journey and Romance (Although I am fine with all)

Method of contact: Will be given upon request/PM

Proofreader: Yes

This is my style of writing/Two Samples:The Black Box ; Lost..... Why Else?
Another one at the bottom of my signature.


All I need is a hug!
Story title: Cherish the Moments
Fandom (preferably pokémon): pokemon
Plot summary:
Genre: Adventure
Rating: PG-13
Mentor needed: Proof Reader
Prior writing experience: Minor fiction for English lit coursework and other non published fics
Preferred mentor (optional): don't mind
Writing sample (optional, but expected): Clicky

Burrado Aipom was beta-ing for me but had pulled out due to time constraints. All i really need is someone who has a fresh pair of eyes to the chapter i wrote to go through it and correct any flubs.
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Well-Known Member
Story Title: Matt Kanto Adventure!
Fandom: Pokemon
Plot Summary: Matt will be starting his journey in the Kanto region to compete in gyms, and try to win the Kanto League/Indigo Plateau. He will follow the footsteps of his older brother and older sister.
Genre: Adventure/Action
Rating: PG-13(mild violence and maybe some romance)
Mentor needed: Someone who can do just about anything when it comes to fic writing.
Prior writing experience: Not a lot, but I read a lot of fics and I know to put description(I am not the best at that) but I need a beta.
Preferred Mentor: It doesn't matter as long as the mentor is committed and is on here a lot.(not everyday, but most of the time)
Writing Sample: Whoever wants to be my mentor can see my writing sample.
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And a nice chianti
Screw it, my writing ability is arse and I want this fic to actually take off unlike my other ones.

Story title: Messiah: Rejected

Fandom: Pokemon.

Plot summary: When a mysterious accident confines Arceus to a phylactery, his two assistants must put aside their differences and grudges with humanity to find a timid boy who holds the key to preventing the death of the world in his absence.

Genre: Comedy/Action.

Rating: PG15, likely to be R further down the road.

Mentor needed: A comprehensive one, since my skills at pretty much anything are largely inadequate.

Prior writing experience: Nothing of consequential value.

If someone's interested in helping, do send me a PM


Dazzle 'em, Milotic!
Story title: The Phoenix King's Reign

Fandom: Avatar the Last Airbender

Plot summary: Avatar Aang has lost his fight against Phoenix King Ozai in the Earth Kingdom. Worst of all, he died in the Avatar State! Now, Aang's friends have been captured and have been sent to the Boiling Rock prison. If they've escaped once, they can escape again. But, how will the kids stop the Phoenix King if he rules the world?
Katara plays the protagonist while she and her friends Zuko, Sokka, Suki, Toph, and more help bring the world to peace.
Genre: Action/Adventure/Fantasy

Rating: PG

Mentor needed: Proofreader. Somebody to check for grammer before I post.
Prior writing experience: I have written various essays for school so... yeah. I'm also an active contributer to the RPG forums.

Writing sample (optional, but expected): Here's the first few paragraphs of my prolouge:

The Phoenix King’s Reign


I, Avatar Aang, have finally come to the moment of truth. My destiny is about to be completed as I stand atop a pillar in the Earth Kingdom.

This area of the Earth Kingdom is in great danger. Fire Lord, or should I say, Phoenix King Ozai is planning to burn the Earth Kingdom to the ground. It all starts here. Pillars tower above the ground in an unpredictable pattern. They scatter around a large radius. Ahead of me is a fleet of airships which are flying above a sea. My friends, Sokka, Zuko, Katara, Suki, and Toph are going to help me finish this war once and for all. They will find a way to stop the airships… I know they will.


E/GL obsessed
Forgive the delayed reply; I've been distracted by a number of things off-internet (like preparing for my brother's wedding. Eep!).

#Chimecho#: Thanks for applying as a mentor--it's nice to know people are still interested. Unfortunately, I don't think you're quite qualified to be a comprehensive mentor. A comprehensive mentor needs to be experienced in all aspects of story-writing, and although you have decent skills, I'm afraid your stories indicate that your own knowledge doesn't hit the mark, particularly in terms of characterisation. In addition, a mentor needs to be critical in their reading, and your reviews show very little critiquing with regards to aspects other than grammar, even when such criticism is needed in other areas.

That said, you have shown a good grasp of the smaller details such as grammar and to a certain extent language, and I seriously considered offering you a place as a grammar mentor instead. However, there were a number of times in which your corrections weren't always necessary; not only should a mentor be aware of the author's possible desired meanings in their word and grammar use, they should also be capable of explaining in more detail and giving the author several alternatives to best fit what they are trying to portray. Also, a mentor should always be on alert to critique the work they're reading, and there were a number of times when you seemed to forgo criticism even when a story needed it.

I'm sorry, but for now I must reject you. You do have a lot of potential, however, so perhaps after you've given yourself a few months to further extend your own ability and knowledge, you might like reapply.

TPJerematic: A brief plot summary would be nice, if you could edit one in, but otherwise, added to the list. Good luck!

Torpoleon: Added! Thanks!

fishyfool: Done and done. G'luck!

DanChimchar: Honestly? That doesn't clear things up at all. I may not have been clear myself, and if not then I'm sorry, but please see this note from the first post:

IMPORTANT NOTE: Under the 'mentor needed' section, people have been saying what areas they're weak in, in terms of writing. To be honest, this isn't helpful; in fact, usually it ends up being so vague that I'm not sure what kind of mentor the applicant needs. The only thing you need to say to answer this section is 'comprehensive mentor' or 'character mentor' or whatever kind of mentor you want; I don't need a list of ways in which you need help, and really, it's probably harder for you to write that than three or four words. You should know better than I what kind of help you need, and you'll be able to discuss it in detail with your mentor later; please, don't rely on me to try and read your mind.

Really, you should already know this if you read the rules, and it should be self-explanatory. All I need is two little words to know which mentor you want. There's a list of the mentors and what they do in the first post if you're unsure.

Also, I've already stated that I'm not a mentor; I don't have a whole lot of time to beta someone on a regular basis. So I'm sorry, but I can't help you in that regard.

Brando95: Added to the list. Thanks!
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