The Blessing Of The Three Pokemon

[azurill]

Hello there!This is my very first fic ever.I hope it goes well.
I have finished 5 Chapters already,but I won't be posting them all together.I''l post the prologue, after a few comments chapter 1 and from then usually after 1-2 days.

Here are some links for quick navigating between chapters(currently inactive)


Prologue

1. A Wave From The Past

2.Strange Happenings

3.The Medallion

4.Father's Arrival And A Nice Surprise

5.A Link To The Past(I know I know, Zelda )

6.More To Come



PROLOGUE
The rain was getting heavier and heavier as the star shaped figure floated on the air; it didn’t dare to look down. It had to concentrate, but how could it? Its friends were in great danger and it had to hurry to save them. A tear fell from the Pokemon’s eye into the deep darkness below. The seal hadn’t been broken, but why? Had they done something wrong or was there something that had blocked it from breaking?
NO! It wasn’t time to think about it, the Pokemon had to rush.

Jirachi put its thoughts aside and started flying in full speed towards the nearest city. It had to find a human. Only a human could save them: Jirachi, its friends and the whole world. However, accomplishing the task would be very hard. There were way too many borders. Time was running out for everything. It had to save its friends in time; it had to rush before Midnight or else Jirachi would lose the power to save them even if they were still alive by then. They had to break the seal in time and they had to defeat the cause of all this in time.

Soon though the Pokemon started to slow down speed as it started crying. It sat on a tall tree. The tree where Jirachi had first met his only buddies. It felt sad and lonely. The cold forced it to go inside a small hole of the tree. However, it soon realized that the cold it was feeling wasn’t the winter but the cold in its heart.

It was impossible. Even if it found a human then it could need days to make him understand, but it only had a few minutes! It gathered its recollections from the events of the past few hours. Jirachi remembered the cries of its friends. They had told it to run away, and save itself. But Jirachi knew that they had faith in their friend-they still believed that Jirachi would do something, not for them; for the world. Jirachi remembered its friend’s smiles, because they knew that Jirachi would be safe. Even if the world was destroyed, Jirachi would still be saved, since at Midnight the day would end and Jirachi would go for a thousand year sleep. But Jirachi didn’t want that, it was very scared about what it would find if it woke up. But still, the Pokemon was so puzzled, If only the seal had been broken successfully then nothing of all this would have happened. But why…why..?

A loud crack woke up Jirachi from its deep thinking. It looked around suspiciously. From the hole on the tree it saw strange dark figure approaching. Jirachi knew that it was and would always remain a powerful Pokemon, but yet, it felt a strange wave of fear passing through its body.
---------
Calm, in the dead of night…peace…Nothing can reveal what happened only a few hours earlier, no one who is still awake can imagine that, that day would be written in history. A young woman was looking out from her bedroom window, as she saw a falling star…

 

[Sammi]

Had they done something wrong or was there something that had blocked it from breaking?
NNOOO!

That shouldn't be there. It's not proper and it makes it look... n00bish. So you ever see that in proper books? (Excluding dialogue)

But Jirachi knew that they had faith in their friend-they still believed that Jirachi would something, not for them; for the world.

That looks... Wrong. Not right.

I would something! Makes a lotta sense...

You need to space your text out. It's hard to read! MY EYES!

And using a title from something else you know is uncool, according to me. A Link to the past eh? Using Zelda titles...

This isn't a Zelda fanfic, I think. It's a Pokemon fanfic, right?

 

[azurill]

EDITED! I hope that it looks better now.

And well,the link to the past matched really well to that chapter's plotline,I didn't just see it and said I'll somehow use it.

I'm afraid that it is too small,oh well... off to bed now.

CHAPTER ONE:
A WAVE FROM THE PAST
The big clock of Pewter city’s town hall showed a little after midnight. Kevin, a 10 year old boy was staring at the thunder through his bedroom window. He was looking forward to the next day; his father from Hoenn would be arriving then. Along with Winona his father ran the Pokemon Gym in the town of Fortree. Both their families lived out of Hoenn so the one of the two stayed in charge of the Gym for three months while the other was with his or her family and vice versa.

Although Kevin was 10 years old, he was quite tall for his age; he had black hair and olive green eyes. He wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a Gym Leader, but not in another region that is!

After a few more hours, or at least hours in Kevin’s mind since it was actually only thirty minutes, Kevin gave up in trying to sleep. He wore his newly bought jacket, went down the stairs, opened the door and got out of the house. It was then that he realized that it wasn’t raining, even with thunder being so near.
‘Strange’ he exclaimed.
Kevin didn’t really know why he had come out of the house, he felt as if something had dragged him there. He looked towards the Professor’s lab.
‘You’re still too young for raising your own Pokemon’ Kevin recalled his parent’s sayings.

Then it was that he first noticed that a strange light was coming from a bush in the garden. Kevin approached the bush. He then understood that it wasn’t the bush that was shining but something inside it. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know what was there. He could sense danger but part of him wanted to know what was there. And as usual the curious part won and Kevin moved some leaves in order to see, but before his eyes could even get used to the light, something strange happened. The light emerged from the bush, passed through Kevin’s body and went flying up high, leaving Kevin unconscious on the grass...

EDIT:By the way,I repeat that this is my first fic ever,so don't expect something amazing.

 

[Godslayer]

That shouldn't be there. It's not proper and it makes it look... n00bish. So you ever see that in proper books? (Excluding dialogue)

So does actualy using the word noobish, and using zeros makes it more so.

 

[Sammi]

EDITED! I hope that it looks better now.

And well,the link to the past matched really well to that chapter's plotline,I didn't just see it and said I'll somehow use it.

I'm afraid that it is too small,oh well... off to bed now.

CHAPTER ONE:
A WAVE FROM THE PAST
The big clock of Pewter city’s town hall showed a little after midnight. Kevin, a 10 year old boy was staring at the thunder through his bedroom window. He was looking forward to the next day; his father from Hoenn would be arriving then. Along with Winona his father ran the Pokemon Gym in the town of Fortree. Both their families lived out of Hoenn so the one of the two stayed in charge of the Gym for three months while the other was with his or her family and vice versa.

Although Kevin was 10 years old, he was quite tall for his age; he had black hair and olive green eyes. He wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps and become a Gym Leader, but not in another region that is!

After a few more hours, or at least hours in Kevin’s mind since it was actually only thirty minutes, Kevin gave up in trying to sleep. He wore his newly bought jacket, went down the stairs, opened the door and got out of the house. It was then that he realized that it wasn’t raining, even with thunder being so near.
‘Strange’ he exclaimed.
Kevin didn’t really know why he had come out of the house, he felt as if something had dragged him there. He looked towards the Professor’s lab.
‘You’re still too young for raising your own Pokemon’ Kevin recalled his parent’s sayings.

Then it was that he first noticed that a strange light was coming from a bush in the garden. Kevin approached the bush. He then understood that it wasn’t the bush that was shining but something inside it. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know what was there. He could sense danger but part of him wanted to know what was there. And as usual the curious part won and Kevin moved some leaves in order to see, but before his eyes could even get used to the light, something strange happened. The light emerged from the bush, passed through Kevin’s body and went flying up high, leaving Kevin unconscious on the grass...

... That was... Not nearly long enough to even be a prologue...

 

[azurill]

... That was... Not nearly long enough to even be a prologue...

It wasn't the prologue,it was chapter 1,the prologue remains on the first post.And yes,you don't have to say again that it is small,I already know that.While writing it I tried to expand it as more as possible.This is the beginner's maximum.

EDIT:If you haven't anything useful to say please don't reply again.I've got no problem with corrections and suggestions but I don't want this to turn into an argument.

 

[Godslayer]

Combine all the chapters you have written, only together (if your two examples are any indication) will they amount to something that will suffice for a single chapter.

 

[Yami Ryu]

It wasn't the prologue,it was chapter 1,the prologue remains on the first post.And yes,you don't have to say again that it is small,I already know that.While writing it I tried to expand it as more as possible.This is the beginner's maximum.

Right. When I was a beginner I filled out three pages of paper with pencil of writing. Then it went up to five and rested there. And that's alot of bloody words from pencil to paper. That's not a maximum for anything. Read the rules. Read the Advice thread. They will help you understand what ELSE you must do to get better.

That 'chapter' was short as crap, it could have been stretched out to maybe 10 paragraphs at least. If you think that is impossible, try 40 for one of my drakengard fanfics :/ and that's only because I chopped the chapter into two parts, all together it would have been 70+

Anyways yeah, no excuse :/

 

[Divinity_123]

It wasn't the prologue,it was chapter 1,the prologue remains on the first post.And yes,you don't have to say again that it is small,I already know that.While writing it I tried to expand it as more as possible.This is the beginner's maximum.

Uh...I am a beginner too...Did I complain! NO! Think of ideas, and BEGINNER'S MAXIMUM is just a BS excuse... I mean, use your imagination! And if you can't come up with anymore ideas and it is still too short, wait. Do NOT post it right away. Give it some time.

Originally Posted by Safyre
... That was... Not nearly long enough to even be a prologue...

If you haven't anything useful to say please don't reply again.I've got no problem with corrections and suggestions but I don't want this to turn into an argument.

Well, she is just posting the truth. I mean, it IS TOO Short.

After a few more hours, or at least hours in Kevin’s mind since it was actually only thirty minutes, Kevin gave up in trying to sleep. He wore his newly bought jacket, went down the stairs, opened the door and got out of the house. It was then that he realized that it wasn’t raining, even with thunder being so near.
‘Strange’ he exclaimed.
Kevin didn’t really know why he had come out of the house, he felt as if something had dragged him there. He looked towards the Professor’s lab.
‘You’re still too young for raising your own Pokemon’ Kevin recalled his parent’s sayings.

You've got to press the spacebar key twice after speech. It is okay so far and good luck.

 

[Sammi]

It wasn't the prologue,it was chapter 1,the prologue remains on the first post.And yes,you don't have to say again that it is small,I already know that.While writing it I tried to expand it as more as possible.This is the beginner's maximum.

EDIT:If you haven't anything useful to say please don't reply again.I've got no problem with corrections and suggestions but I don't want this to turn into an argument.

A maximum. SERIOUSLY. THAT IS CRAZY. When I was nine(Two years ago), my little stories at for simple school assignments school were TWO TIMES LONGER than your chapters. I'm saying that the chapter insn't long enough to even be a prologue.

And Godslayer, n00bish is just a way to say weird/stupid/crazy. It's called "Intarwebz Speek". Ya have a problem with that?

EDIT:By the way,I repeat that this is my first fic ever,so don't expect something amazing.

Eh, you should at least be able to PROPERABLY paragraph, and not have HUGE blocks of text, if it's your first fic. I could paragraph when I was nine... Read Advice for aspiring authors if you want us to like it. Or, atleast, me. The story would be MUCH better if you knew how to paragraph and make it longer.

Advice for Aspiring Authors has a tutorial on how to paragraph, I think. I'd expect everyone to know to paragraph, but, fortunately for you, it's not just you. I've seen a lotta things that were 89237826537269523 times worse than this.

[ Safyre // Out ]

 

[Alecat]

It's not bad. Length used to be something that I struggled with too. Sometimes you have a story in your head and you want to rush through it so you can share it...

Instead of just writing down the key points, try describing everything that you can. Explore some of the character's thoughts. So when you say that Kevin's father is away for three months at a time, describe the impact that this may have on his family at home. Maybe things are incredibly dysfunctional? Maybe they just carry on as normal, but with the absence of a father figure? This links into how Kevin wants to be a Gym Leader, but one that isn't away from home.

Likewise, the sentence ‘You’re still too young for raising your own Pokemon,’ could probably be explored a bit either in that chapter or maybe throughout the whole story. After all, Kevin is of an age where kids usually get their first partner.

Also, maybe you feel that saying not to expect anything amazing will lessen the harsh criticisms. Sure, some of the bashing is a bit unwarranted, but I think you yourself should expect the best out of the fic. Isn't that why you're posting it here?

Anyway, I personally think this is a great start for a beginner. There are a lot of places that you can improve, but it's looking like an interesting story.

 

[azurill]

hmmm....I might try to redo the chapters.I'm deleting this soon, and possible making it again with redone ones.

But I will say one thing:Just because you were 9 and you wrote double my chapters proves nothing.