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The Cards of Change

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Jason-Kun

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Authors Note: This story is my first fanfic. I would like some deep and helpful critisizm so as to help me improve my skills. I also think it is worh noting that that fanfic takes place not in the universe of the anime, or manga, but of the games. Things such as levels will be mentioned, but not in the sense that we know them. Carry on, and have fun.

This story is rated PG-15.



Pokémon: The Cards of Change


Prologue: A History lesson


Kyogre Cruise Ship: 3rd day of Rayquaza 1998, 8:35 PM- Hoenn Standard Time

The bright sun burned over the blue Hoenn Sea on this day. To the far south of the region, a large chunk of land stuck out. This was to be the future region of Kiveon, within a few years time of course. Anyways on this day, a boat could be seen churning through the waters. Small black birds with reddened feather tips flew around the ship. Looking down, they would see tat the boat was painted a deep shade of blue, red symbols carved into the boats wood. The tail of the boat was blue as well, with a bit of white paint. On either side of the boat, flippers painted blue with the same red symbols could be seen jutting out from the sides. The Tailow swooped over a pair of people before swooping off of the boat, probably going to find itself a resting place.


Zooming in on the two people mentioned earlier, we can see that they are talking adamantly. The first, an old man with a thick build standing at about four foot eight smiled at his colleague. Running his hands through his gray hair, he continued speaking. “Sakura, I see you’re getting old.” he remarked with a chuckle.


Sakura frowned, pushing back her bleached white hair. “I’m only eighteen, grandfather.” she replied, emphasizing the word “grandfather” to get her point across. Straightening her black shirt, she put her hands over her brown eyes. Wind blew, causing her black skirt to billow around. “Did you enjoy Sinnoh?” she asked him with a frown.


The man let out a burst of laughter. His belly jiggled as he laughed. “My dear, I love Sinnoh but the truth is Hoenn needs me. As the leading Professor of the Hoenn region, I have a responsibility. One ay this’ll all be…” he was cut off as the ship lurched. Black waves crunched at the bottom of the boat, storm clouds pushing through the sky. The once serene area had become a nightmare. People began to return their Pokémon into their Pokeballs.


As the storm churned, Sakura fiddled with her Great Ball, trying to return her Vaporeon. The teal, blue catlike creature padded forward with her finlike tail keeping balance. Gray mane covered in water, the cat let out a purr as she hit the boat. The boat lurched, sending Sakura falling over the rail and into the water. “I’m…dying. This is the end.” she murmured as her mouth filled with water. The force of the impact coupled with the weight of her clothing, backpack, and water pulled her under. It was the end.

---


Gem Mountain: 22nd day of Mew 1998, 12:30PM- Kantonean Time

Within a conference room, four groups of four sat a circular table. Each group were the Gym Leaders of their respective regions. Roark, Gardenia, Maylene, and Wake represented Sinnoh.


The Hoenn region was represented by Roxanne, Brawly, Wattson, and Flannery.

Kanto was represented by Brock, Misty, Lt. Surge, and Erika.

Finally, Johto had Falkner, Bugsy, Whitney, and Morty to represent them.


As the sixteen Gym Leaders sat in the room, a small creature walked in. A yellow star moved as the Pokémon wagged its tail. Black fur complimented its legs, a blue furred lion’s head fitting in with its body. On its back, it carried a stack of papers.


A young man, no older than twenty-five, which was also pushing it stood up. A red miner’s helmet sat on his head, reddish brown hair falling in his eyes. A black shirt could be seen clutching to his body, as he pulled a gray jacket with black and yellow cuffs off and placed it on the chair he was sitting in. White gloves patted his matching pants, black rubbed boots hitting the floor as he trudged over to the Pokémon. “Thank you, Shinx. You may go back to Volkner now.” the man, Roark told the small lion cub as he took the papers in his hand. The “Shinx” rubbed against Roark’s leg before bounding out of the room.


Passing out the papers with relative speed, Roark went to sit back in his spot, a silent smirk on his face. Shifting the papers around, he cleared his throat. “Today we are here to discuss the idea of cultivating the island in which Professor Birch’s granddaughter was found. Some members from the Sevii Islands have expressed an interest in starting a new league, as have people from each region who don’t like the current league. They want something like the way the theme park in Poketopia works. Are you following me?” he asked, pushing his dingers through his hair.



A male with deep brown skin stood up, his spiked brown hair billowing in the wind from the air conditioning. His forest green shirt scratched against his black and brown shirt. “Roark, is it true that this island’s only wildlife are plants and the rare Combee? As a fellow Gym Leader, Pewter City’s might I add, I’m curious to how this new league would work out.” the male asked in a soft tone of voice. Murmurs of confusion filled the room, as the remaining fourteen Gym Leaders talked amongst themselves.


A teen, younger than the rest rose from her spot, as the male plopped back into his chair. Ale skin matched well with her red, almost pink hair that was done up in the shape of a leaf. Tugging at the black shirt with a red Maple Leaf in the center, she cleared her throat. “Excuse me, I have an idea. Why not import some Pokemon from each known region? I mean we have Kanto, Johto, Hoenn, Sinnoh, Orre, Fiore, and Almia to import from.” she spoke, setting down. Here, a gruff voice spoke up.


“Although that is a good idea Flannery, I believe we should remove those last three. Does everyone agree with this plan?” the voice that everyone recognized as Bugsy asked. A few people grumbled whilst others nodded in approval. Noticing that this wasn’t going anywhere, Roark stood back up.


“ Since none of us can agree, how about this? We take that new Trading Card game and we base a league off of that with a few modifications? It’ll still cost us money, sure, but at least it won’t be as expensive. Does everyone agree on that?” he asked. Hesitantly, Falkner rose his hand, followed by Roxanne and Crusher Wake. Slowly people began to raise their hands until all but Roark had their hand raised. “It seems we have come to an agreement. Dismissed.” the leader spoke, fiddling with his glasses. There was a shuffling of chairs as everyone filled out of the room. With one final look, Roark shut off the light and closed the door.


A new era of trainers was soon to begin.
 
Last edited:

Yami Ryu

Well-Known Member
It seems a bit wierd to have a new continent so close to Hoenn, but that's really not the point; the introductory paragraph seems a bit chunky and blocky, it could have been rephrased to describe the day, the ocean, and the boat and where the boat was headed. And I doubt cruise liners, or big ocean liners are made of wood anymore, I think; that and it'd probably be carved into it's hull/sides. Or starboard/aftboard, etc.

Zooming in on the two people mentioned earlier, we can see that they are talking adamantly.

You never mentioned the two people o_O Oh no wait. At the end of the first paragraph.

Wait the guy is supposed to be Professor Birch? o_O

Anyways the storm came up to sudden; to fiercely. Yes storms happen quickly and suddenly, but there is more of a warning usually, more than seconds; usually a few minutes or so.

As the storm churned, Sakura fiddled with her Great Ball, trying to return her Vaporeon. The teal, blue catlike creature padded forward with her finlike tail keeping balance. Gray mane covered in water, the cat let out a purr as she hit the boat. The boat lurched, sending Sakura falling over the rail and into the water. “I’m…dying. This is the end.” she murmured as her mouth filled with water. The force of the impact coupled with the weight of her clothing, backpack, and water pulled her under. It was the end.

.. I'm sorry.. but what?

Gray mane covered in water, the cat let out a purr as she hit the boat

I didn't know Vaporeon had grey manes, or manes at all; they have fins. Yellow and blue fins. They also wouldn't purr if they were slammed into an object. Vaporeon can also melt and become water futhering the redundancy of a Vaporeon being in danger of the waves.

You also never had the trainer succesfully recall her pokemon; nor described how she went overboard really, or if she struggled or not. She simply gave up. And where is her Vaporeon? Surely it would try and save it's trainer? Or was it to busy purring by the boat?

Also what's up with the months named after legendaries? o_O and why such a long time between accident; and conference?

Anyways.

After reading a bit;

“ Since none of us can agree, how about this? We take that new Trading Card game and we base a league off of that with a few modifications?

That seems very.. out of the blue.. and random. And I mean, there is no mention, of the TCG; the TCG is also it's own universe, not connected to the pokeverse really. I mean it's a game based on a card game based on a game to an extent.

It also seems out of the blue for another reason; why this? They would make more money from trainers, from adventurers. There's no damned reason to travel around with a deck of cards in an unknown land with it's own dangers and no pokemon, just to go lulz I haz the best deck man!

I suggest reading Advice for Aspiring Authors a couple of times, and working on taking your time, sorting things out, pacing yourself and working on your describing and character interaction.
 

Jason-Kun

Well-Known Member
Anyways the storm came up to sudden; to fiercely. Yes storms happen quickly and suddenly, but there is more of a warning usually, more than seconds; usually a few minutes or so.



.. I'm sorry.. but what?
Yes, that does need editing. As for that quote, she's dying, sorta. I'll edit that scene as well as the entire "deat scene".


I didn't know Vaporeon had grey manes, or manes at all; they have fins. Yellow and blue fins. They also wouldn't purr if they were slammed into an object. Vaporeon can also melt and become water futhering the redundancy of a Vaporeon being in danger of the waves.

The circular thing around Vaporeon's head is a lot of fins? o.o I always thought it was a mane. Though yes, the rest of that passae is silly.

You also never had the trainer succesfully recall her pokemon; nor described how she went overboard really, or if she struggled or not. She simply gave up. And where is her Vaporeon? Surely it would try and save it's trainer? Or was it to busy purring by the boat?

I was originally going to explain that part, but I wasn't and still aren't sure I can pull it off sucessfully. I'm thinking about putting that in as a small "extra" of sorts, in regards to what was going on with her Vaporeon.

Also what's up with the months named after legendaries?

That's a bit of creativity on my part. That and the months being named afte legendaries makes more sense to me, seeing a this isn't our world that's being explored.

That seems very.. out of the blue.. and random. And I mean, there is no mention, of the TCG; the TCG is also it's own universe, not connected to the pokeverse really. I mean it's a game based on a card game based on a game to an extent.

It also seems out of the blue for another reason; why this? They would make more money from trainers, from adventurers. There's no damned reason to travel around with a deck of cards in an unknown land with it's own dangers and no pokemon, just to go lulz I haz the best deck man!

The reason why cards are mentioned is ecause not everyone agrees with importing Pokemon, due to it being expensive. Granted the card game is also expensive, but it'll be explained later on in the fanfic.

I suggest reading Advice for Aspiring Authors a couple of times, and working on taking your time, sorting things out, pacing yourself and working on your describing and character interaction.

Yes, I suppose only spending a month or so on the chapter and being in a rush to post would be a problem. I'll definately take your advice.
 
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