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The Cards of Fate (Preview)

Jason-Kun

Well-Known Member
Pokémon: The Cards of Change

Prolougue: A History Lesson

Kyogre Cruise Ship: 3rd day of Rayquaza 1998, 8:35 PM- Hoenn Standard Time

The bright sun burned over the blue Hoenn Sea. To the far south of the region, a large chunk of land suck out. This was to be the future region of Kiveon, within ten years time of course. Anyways on this day, a boat could be seen churning through the waters. Small black birds with reddened feather tips flew around the ship. Looking down, they would see tat the boat was painted a deep shade of blue, red symbols carved into the boats wood. The tail of he boat was blue as ell, with a bit of white paint. On either side of the boat, flippers pained blue with the same red symbols could be seen jutting out from the sides. The Tailow swooped over a pair of people before swooping off of the boat, probably going to find itself a resting place.

Zooming in on the two people mentioned earlier, we can see that they are talking adamantly. The first, an old man with a thick build standing at about four foot eight smiled at his colleague. Running his hands through his gray hair, he continued speaking. “ Sakura, I see you’re getting old.” he remarked with a chuckle.

Sakura frowned, pushing back her bleached white hair. “ I’m only eighteen, grandfather.” she replied, emphasizing the word “grandfather” to get her point across. Straightening her black shirt, she put her hands over her brown eyes. Wind blew, causing her black skirt to billow around. “Did you enjoy Sinnoh?” she asked him with a frown.

The man let out a burst of laughter. His belly jiggled as he laughed. “My dear, I love Sinnoh but the truth is Hoenn needs me. As the leading Professor of the Hoenn region, I have a responsibility. One ay this’ll all be…” he was cut off as the ship lurched. Black waves crunched at the bottom of the boat, storm clouds pushing through the sky. The once serene area had become a nightmare. People began to return their Pokémon into their Pokeballs.

As the storm churned, Sakura fiddled with her Great Ball, trying to return her Vaporeon. The teal, blue catlike creature padded forward with her finlike tail keeping balance. Gray mane covered in water, the cat let out a purr as she hit the boat. The boat lurched, sending Sakura falling over the rail and into the water. “I’m…dying. This is the end.” she murmured as her mouth filled with water. The force of the impact coupled with the wait of her clothing, backpack, an water pulled her under. It was the end.


I'd like to see if anyone is interested as well as some constructive critizisim.
 

HiJadover

Member
I loved reading this. I'm new but I've been scouting Serebii for over a month now. I know how to write. Instead of making her say "Im... Dying. This is the end." I'd put "I'm dying? Is this the end?" Instead of the boats wood, I'd put the boat's wood.
 
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