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The Chocolate Factory

Eternal Daydreamer

Surrender to the Sea
I'm at it again! This story this time around is a re-write of Charlie/Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. It will not be totally off either of them but instead a combination of both. So of course it would be wise to watch both of them at least once. Plus, perhaps read the book, too.

I will not tell you who is who until they show up. This is to keep it a surprise. In fact, I will not tell you if they are Pokemon or human characters, either! Not to insult you guys, though. Here's the prologue:

The Chocolate Factory

Prologue

A mighty factory stood out from the rest of the buildings in Stevens City. The main structure was of a light purple hue that shone almost on it’s own. Spreading off of this main feature was two corridors that went almost to the gates but not quite, they were of the same hue.

The factory rose about three or four stories above the nearest building, a department store that was a block away. That was not including the smokestacks which made the factory even taller by about three more stories. All of this was intimidating to an average person walking down the street.

Even a complete stranger to Stevens City knew what factory this was. It was the famous factory of Ally Kazam, a chocolate making wonder. To those who didn’t know (there wasn’t many), a sign was placed above the mighty door of the factory. The sign read this: “Ally Kazam’s Chocolates”.

Kazam’s many chocolates and other sweets are legendary far and wide. From his ice cream that never melts (even in the summer) to amazing candy eggs that when put on one’s tongue becomes a chocolate flying type! These candies are consumed by many creatures a day, from children to Charizards (a dragon Pokemon). All of these are of course made in this one factory.

“Who works there?” is a commonly asked question about this factory. The main reason for this was that the gates were always locked yet the candy keeps coming out. Even Ally Kazam doesn’t comes out. He hasn’t since about twenty years or so, no one remembers anymore if he is a Pokemon or a man.

The reason that the chocolate factory was closed to the public was this: all other candy makers became jealous of Ally Kazam’s success and sent in spies to steal his secrets. Kazam, although sorry, closed the factory for what seemed forever. But one day, smoke began to rise out of the smoke stacks once again. Everyone in the town rushed to the gates to see if the legend was going to welcome back his workers but he did not. Thus, inspiring an air of mystery

But all of this would change when one ordinary day, Ally Kazam sent out a notice (by a way no one knows) about a contest. This contest would make the factory open it’s gates once again. Even if it would only open to only five people...

__
I know that the prologue is short. I didn't want to give much away yet give you a slight opening into the world of this story. Please review, if it isn't too much trouble. PM if you have questions.
 

Klaus

TOMATO BERRY!
YES! It's beautiful. The description was just enough
to give the main image. Yup, I did see one flaw. It should
have been "There WERE"

I liked it.

As always, be kind to the mime.
 
C

Carpetted!

Guest
You are obsessed. -_-
It's alright, but not descriptive enough. There's no room for much imagination.
 

Eternal Daydreamer

Surrender to the Sea
YES! It's beautiful. The description was just enough
to give the main image. Yup, I did see one flaw. It should
have been "There WERE"

I liked it.

As always, be kind to the mime.
Thanks. I'll make it more descriptive when it's need to be.
Carpetted! said:
You are obsessed. -_-
It's alright, but not descriptive enough. There's no room for much imagination.
I'll work on it in later chapters. Anyways, this is the prologue and it was just giving a basic description of the factory and a bit of background. -.-
And sheesh, sometimes it's better to not mention if someone's obsessed. -.-
 
Yay! I liked it lots! There were some grammar mistakes, though, but very few. It has pretty good detail as well. I hope to read more.

~Kelvin
 

Eternal Daydreamer

Surrender to the Sea
I made chapter one finally...

Chapter 1

The young lad named Ralph Vore looked mournfully at the locked gates while people walked by him without notice. His skin was an odd silver shade that went well with his bowl cut green hair. His odd hair covered red eyes that shone with innocence. The last thing this lad had that made him slightly different than another was the fact that he had a red half-circle coming out of his forehead.

All the things mentioned, however, wasn’t unusual for what he was: a Pokemon. To be more precise: a Ralts. Even this however wasn’t unusual, however. All of the citizens of Stevens City were Pokemon.

Ralp licked his pale lips hungrily. Several different Pokemon walked passed him but he didn’t notice. One flapped near him. It was like an owl with a large crest of feathers on it’s head. He also had black triangles on his chest.

“Still pining to go in, Ralph?” the owl asked with a hint of worry. “Yes, Mr. Tole,” Ralph said, his own tone wishful. “I want to go in so badly!” The Noctowl clicked his tongue.

“You and all the rest of the young Pokemon!” he hooted. “But,” Tole added in a softer voice. “You know that no mon go in and no mon go out. That’s how it’s been.” Ralph sighed and turned his silver head back to the factory.

“I know, Mr. Tole but I want to go in so badly,” the younger Pokemon cried. Tole patted his back with a wing. “I know. Now, how about I walk you home?” Ralph nodded to Tole’s question.

*****

“Cabbage soup again?!” bellowed old Grandpa Know. This very old Pokemon was a Hypno. His once yellow fur was as white as his white fur. Upon his long crooked nose was a pair of glasses. The tone of his voice was disgusted. His mate, Grandma Hip who was of the same species, was patting his arm.

“It’s all right dear,” she said calmly. “One day we’ll be able to eat something else.” Grandpa Guard and Grandma Voile glanced at the old couple that were sitting across the bed from them.

Both of them were Gardevoirs. Gardeviors were feminine looking Pokemon that have the markings of Ralts’s but have a red chest plate. These two, Grandpa Guard and Grandma Voile, were old and creaky with glasses upon their noses.

The Hypnos were the parents of Ralph Vore’s father, Peter. The other grandparents were the parents of Ralph’s mother, Gaudy. Both of Ralph’s parents were out and about when Ralph came home.

Gaudy had given the grandparents (who had been bedridden for many years) their usual supper of cold cabbage soup. The female Gardevoir had done this early because she needed to get to the laundry where she worked earlier than usual.

Peter worked at a toothpaste factory where he screwed on lids for a brand of Pokemon toothpaste. The pay of both jobs were horrible but it was enough to keep food on the table. Even if the food was only cabbage.

Well, Ralph was here and the grandparents were happy in their ancient senile minds. He was, after all, their only grandchild! When you are an old Physic Pokemon stuck in bed, a visit everyday from your grandchild makes it all better. Anyways, Ralph was jumping up and down all over the small falling down shack which was the home of the Vores. Under his small arm was a newspaper, The Pokian Times to be exact.

“Grandma, Grandpa, Grandpa, and Grandma!” the little Ralts cried. “Have you heard?!” Grandma Hip covered her ears with her paws.

“Heard what, Ralph?” Grandpa Guard asked shakily. Not because he was cold either, the neighborhood had a family of Digletts that loved to use their magnitude attacks gently. So that’s why old Grandpa Guard said it shakily. But that’s not important to the story so let’s move on.

The other grandparents nodded their grizzled heads and asked the same thing. Ralph took out the newspaper from under his arm and placed it on the bed where his grandparents live in.

“Mr. Kazam made a contest today!” Ralph said excitedly. “Five golden tickets inside five chocolate bars! Those who find them get to go into the factory!!!” He said this very fast and he began hiccuping loudly from lack of air.

Grandpa Know patted his grandson’s back to stop the hiccuping. “Now,” the old Hypno began. “Where did you get this newspaper?” Ralph hiccuped before answering.

“Mister Tole bought me one. You know, the Noctowl who runs the newspaper stand. He thought we could use it,” Ralph replied. “You think I have a chance?” His grandparents looked shock.

“Course you do!” cried Grandma Voile. “Everybody does!” Grandpa Guard scoffed rudely.

“No, he doesn’t! Ralph only gets one candy bar a year. He doesn’t stand a chance!” Grandpa Guard scoffed. Ralph’s face fell as the door of the shack blew open.
__
Well, we know who Grandpa Joe and Charlie is now! Veruca and Augustus will be announced next chapter.

Edit: I changed blue eyes to red eyes Black Knight Jorro. That was a honest mistake..
 
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Eternal Daydreamer

Surrender to the Sea
Missingno. Master said:
OK, now THIS fic looks interesting! I've seen both movies that this is based off of.

$10 says that Augustus is a Munchlax!
Thanks for reviewing! I'm not tellin' anyone in this thread who will be who. All I can tell you guys is that the Oompa-Loompas will be Dittos. Don't ask. I just think the Dittos will do a good job of that.
 

Klaus

TOMATO BERRY!
YAY! I loved it. I can't wait for Veruca and Augustus. *waits patiently*

I loved it and description was good as was grammer.

As always, be kind to the mime.
 
This could be one nice fic down the road. It's been a while since I saw the first version of the movie, so I could use this to catch up on it. One thing wrong though:

Ralts have red eyes! Innocent red eyes! Not blue! Red!

I'll definitely read this for a while. Later.
 
Hee hee, I know who they are already.. *winks at La Carlotta*

Well, anyways, I liked it. It was pretty good. I especially took a liking to that funny Mr. Tole, when he said "no mon go in, no mon go out." Well, looking forward to more, Carlotts! ^^

~Kelvin
 

Eternal Daydreamer

Surrender to the Sea
Well, thank you guys for the reviews! I changed the blue eye bit, however. Mr. Tole is the Pokemon version of Mr. Topec in the old version, I just couldn't resist. As I said, this is a mix of both movies and perhaps a little of the book, too.
 

Eternal Daydreamer

Surrender to the Sea
Sorry for double posting. Second chapter is up! I must say, I'm getting this down quickly! However, my Hocus Pocus story is dying. Let's mourn for a minute for the loss.................................. Whatever, here's the second chapter!

Chapter 2

In came Gaudy and Peter, Ralph’s parents. Smiling, they waltzed in and pulled up chairs near their son. Obviously they had heard the news and thought that Ralph had a pretty good chance of finding a ticket.

***
The days past during the contest, many Pokemon striving to find their little scrap of gold. Striving for being the one lucky or rich enough to get a place in the world. Nah, they just wanted the supposed grand prize: a whole lifetime supply of chocolate! Everybody knows that Pokemon love chocolate.

***

A huge muscular Machoke adjusted his tie for the camera. He was a normal Machoke, big, grey, and muscular. Another Machoke was carrying the camera which was pointed at the first. With his other hand, the camerachoke hold out his hand. “We’re on in one, two, three. Go!” said the Machoke.

The reporter put on a giant fake grin as he walked to a table. They were in a restaurant, many Pokemon were stuffing their faces with food. Rattatas, Fearows, Charizards, you name them and they were there.

The table which the reporter went to was covered with food. A rather plump Pokemon stood near it. Her big hands were by the sides of her large yellow skirt. This was Madame Hita, a Hairyama. She was beaming from ear to ear.

The reporting Machoke cleared his throat and pointed a microphone at Madame Hita. “This,” he said proudly. “Is Madame Hita, mother of the lucky finder of the first golden ticket!” Madame Hita smiled proudly.

“Hur, more food!” The voice was behind the massive amount of food piled on the table. The mother smiled. The reporter raised an eyebrow and she nodded.

“That is my son,” she said predictably. “I just knew Mack would find one. He eats so much, it was not possible for him not to find one!”

***

The Vore family watched this interview on their TV. How they could afford it is beyond the writer but they had one anyways. “That Mack is probably fat!” cried Peter. Gaudy nodded.

“Even if we never see him, we know he’s fat!” Gaudy bellowed.

***

The form snarled and spittle flew out. The large cream-colored cat that sat at the desk ignored the form that was lurking in the shadows. The cat sitting at the desk was called Henry San. His wife, Polly San another Persian, was sitting on a large couch drinking cream from a dish.

Polly glanced up when the form bellowed the following: “DADDY! WHERE IS IT????!!! WHERE IS THE GOLDEN TICKET THAT YOU PROMISED MEEEEE! I WANT IT! NOOOOW!” That was the two Persian’s only daughter, Pandora.

Henry was a large Persian. His fur around his neck was fluffy and rather regal looking. This fur fit perfectly with his very expressive eyebrows. The eyebrows now were raised gently. “Now, Pandora,” his mighty voice was always soft with his “beloved” kitten. “Calm down, the workers have been shelling candy bars from dawn to dusk. I’m not an Unown so calm down, Angel.”

Pandora did not calm down. She stormed out of the shadows and into the light. Like always, her fur was rumpled and stuck out in many directions. Quite a contrast from her two elegant parents; every inch of Pandora was as different as her parents as possible. Her teeth and claws were sharp and deadly looking; her parents’s claws were manicured weekly. Pandora’s eyes were crazed with some demonic light; the older San’s eyes were gracefully blank.

Pandora’s feline teeth bared. “Daddy,” she began. “I’LL TEAR DOWN THIS PLACE IF I DON”T GET MY GOLDEN TICKET!!!!!!” Henry sighed.

“I’ll check,” Henry San said. With that he left without a word.

***

“So that’s how I got the Golden Ticket,” the Persian on the television said proudly. Ralph spat at the floor in disgust.

“What a nasty kitten,” said Grandma Voile. Her mate nodded.

“Now I wonder who will find the next one,” Grandpa Know sighed. “Whoever that will be will be as nasty as the others.

***

The cave was dark and the twin snarling sounds came with echoes. “I will not loose,” growled a first voice. The other snarled and a banging sound is heard.

“If you do, cub, I will disown you! No Dawn ever backs from a challenge!” snarled the second voice.
____
Second chapter over, I hope you guys like it. Next chapter Violet and Mike will be introduced.
 
Hmm... a few spelling erros here & there, and this chapter was pretty short.

La Carlotta said:
Polly glanced up when the form bellowed the following: “DADDY! WHERE IS IT????!!! WHERE IS THE GOLDEN TICKET THAT YOU PROMISED MEEEEE! I WANT IT! NOOOOW!” That was the two Persian’s only daughter, Pandora.

Nicely done. I can't wait to see how she acts at the factory.
 

Eternal Daydreamer

Surrender to the Sea
Dark Knight Jorro said:
Hmm... a few spelling erros here & there, and this chapter was pretty short.



Nicely done. I can't wait to see how she acts at the factory.
Sorry about it being short. I'll lengthen up the next chapter a bit. I went for a Persian version of how Veruca was introduced in the original movie. Lots of screaming there, too. Pandora will still be a brat when she enters the factory.
Wow. Good chapter. So...

Augustus=Makuhita
Veruca=Persian

So both my predictions for them were wrong.
Thanks for the review. Well, I decided who was going to be who a while ago. At least you didn't bet any real money, did you?

For Augustus I wanted a big Pokemon. Not one that has a tendency for overeating like Munchlax but something that could given the right circumstances. Such as Makuhita. I will describe him later, but not showing him was more funny. The Vore family guessing he was fat was the reason why.

For Veruca I wanted a Pokemon that a rich family would use. Snubull would be good, but I always thought of Veruca as more feline. Mainly because I can compare versions of Veruca with different types of cats. But anyways, I chose Persian instead of Meowth. Meowth is a good Pokemon but a Veruca character would want rare stuff, so we presume she has eaten a lot of Rare Candies to elvove faster.


For Violet, well if you couldn't guess by the last paragraph or by my signature you will find out next chapter. As with Mike. Rest assured, I will do those characters justice as well.
 

Missingno. Master

Poison-type Trainer
La Carlotta said:
Thanks for the review. Well, I decided who was going to be who a while ago. At least you didn't bet any real money, did you?

For Augustus I wanted a big Pokemon. Not one that has a tendency for overeating like Munchlax but something that could given the right circumstances. Such as Makuhita. I will describe him later, but not showing him was more funny. The Vore family guessing he was fat was the reason why.

For Veruca I wanted a Pokemon that a rich family would use. Snubull would be good, but I always thought of Veruca as more feline. Mainly because I can compare versions of Veruca with different types of cats. But anyways, I chose Persian instead of Meowth. Meowth is a good Pokemon but a Veruca character would want rare stuff, so we presume she has eaten a lot of Rare Candies to elvove faster.


For Violet, well if you couldn't guess by the last paragraph or by my signature you will find out next chapter. As with Mike. Rest assured, I will do those characters justice as well.

Don't worry, I didn't bet anything.

For my guess of Augustus, I assumed you'd choose a Pokemon whose main interest, like Augustus's, is eating. Munchlax would fit that perfectly. Makuhita would qualify as fatter, but the thing is that Makuhita is also heavily into training every day, which to me doesn't click with fatness. Though I do see your reasoning there.

For Veruca, I though "A pampered, spoiled rich brat" Snubbull is associated with pampered, spoiled, and rich very often, though I also see that Persian works here.

Ok, so I'm guessing that Violet won't be a Mawile. Houndoom, probably.

As for Mike, I have absolutely no idea which character would best capture his personality. Or even which personality you're going by; THe TV-obsessed freak (WWatCF) or the smartass in CatCF "All you had to do was track the manufacturing dates, yaddah yaddah yaddah.... A retard could figure it out."

I'm guessing it's not anything that could learn Growth, though.
 
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Eternal Daydreamer

Surrender to the Sea
Missingno. Master said:
Don't worry, I didn't bet anything.

For my guess of Augustus, I assumed you'd choose a Pokemon whose main interest, like Augustus's, is eating. Munchlax would fit that perfectly. Makuhita would qualify as fatter, but the thing is that Makuhita is also heavily into training every day, which to me doesn't click with fatness. Though I do see your reasoning there.

For Veruca, I though "A pampered, spoiled rich brat" Snubbull is associated with pampered, spoiled, and rich very often, though I also see that Persian works here.

Ok, so I'm guessing that Violet won't be a Mawile. Houndoom, probably.

As for Mike, I have absolutely no idea which character would best capture his personality. Or even which personality you're going by; THe TV-obsessed freak (WWatCF) or the smartass in CatCF "All you had to do was track the manufacturing dates, yaddah yaddah yaddah.... A retard could figure it out."

I'm guessing it's not anything that could learn Growth, though.
Well, I'm glad I didn't make you lose any money! :D

I agree a Makuhita would be training but this Makuhita, doesn't. We don't know about him but we will later.

A Snubull would come from a rich family. And be spoiled, too. But Snubulls don't, I think, have that certain evil spark which makes Veruca so violent in WWatCF. Persians however, do I think.

Well, I gave out the surprise for Violet but yeah, she'll be a Houndoom. I contribute Violet with a certain wolfish pride. Houndooms are wolf-like and have strong jaws. So do Mightyenas but I debated with that idea. Mawiles do have the jaws for Violet but they don't have enough pride that Violet seems to have. At leas in CatCF.

For Mike, I might as well say. I'm using Tyrogue. I'm basing this Mike on both WWatCF and CatCF. The laziness with the original and the rage with the newer one. Both do the character justice but focuses on different traits which Mike is based upon.
 

Clio

Meow
Well I'm really liking this. The original movie brings me sweet memories of my childhood, and I've liked the new one (even if Johnny Depp scarely looks like Michael Jackson, but eh). And let me point something:

The Vore family watched this interview on their TV. How they could afford it is beyond the writer but they had one anyways. “That Mack is probably fat!” cried Peter. Gaudy nodded.

I never understood that, too, even if it as a ye olde B&W TV. But everyone has one nowadays. And now I really wanna know how you'll make [SPOIL]A Persian be pulled up to a trash processor by a bunch of cutesy-mad squirrels[/SPOIL]. It was one of my favorite scenes on the movie, and I feel this is going to be fun... in a twisted way.

Anyway, looking for the next chapter.
 
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